Disappointing turnout for American Royal Parade

Channel 9 reports that only "hundreds" ventured to see The 81st annual American Royal parade on what was a pretty amazing Saturday afternoon. Frankly, I didn't even know it was today so they did an awful job promoting it and it's kinda sad because this is the one truly unique Kansas City tradition that is slowly fading away.

Solomon in the City

Mel Solomon's site went live recently. It's just one simple (sad) page but I guess it's best to not get to fancy considering all of the trouble the guy has had on the Internet previously.

The vote is in the dead of winter but Mel has already found creative ways to get support. Previously, I took issue with the fact that he went looking for money in JoCo - Which many of us do but politicos might expect to owe something in return and that's just bad policy.

Currently, Solomon is citing Dick King (he-he) as one of his supporters. Unfortunately, Dick King (or at least the one I think he's talking about) is dead. Long live the Dick King! Anyway, if Solomon really does have Dick King's support and has roused him from the grave then I guess he is only the second Jewish guy I've heard of to be able to pull off that trick and he has my admiration (but not my vote).

Anyway, as you can see I had fun with one of his campaign photos. If you have a better joke (you probably do) simply clear out my text with your photo editor and send me what you come up with, I'll post it anonymously or with your name. Whatever you prefer.

Tech N9ne "No Can Do"

Awesome new track from the upcoming album "Everready" by TechN9ne.

Jared Allen charged with DUI

I can't say I blame him, I'd be drinking right now too if I was stuck in a contract with the Chiefs. On the other hand, it'll be kind of funny how much this disappoints white people (from JoCo) who still (unbelievably) think of pro athletes as heroes.

Update: It's good to see that the Stadium Tax slush fund has set aside ample funding for booze. Also, I didn't know this city was so generous, doling out drinking money. In many respects, I have this town all wrong. Now, where's my drink?

"The best blogs you've never read"

Some great recommendations from JC, I'm on the list and it's good to see his reading is eclectic.

So what did Roy Blunt know?

In a (small) way, the sexy scandal of the moment comes back on the Show Me state. However, in the photo shown above it's good to see Representative Roy Blunt keeping his distance from the nasty e-mail sending to a 16 year-old boy Florida Rep. Mark Foley. Talking Points Memo reports: "If I'm understanding this correctly, that means that the leaders of the House Republican caucus have known for almost a year that a member of their caucus was having cybersex with an underage congressional page. And apparently they did nothing about it."

KCTV 5 has taught us well, Democrat or Republican, a perv is perv. And while this kind of thing is going to make great partisan fodder, I think the more important lesson here is that (for the most part) politicians are the ghey . . . Along with an increasing number of dudes on the downlow.

Actually, this kind of thing scares me because you might remember that 9/11 basically saved Gary Condit's ass. And any other suspects in the Chandra Levy murder have been as hard to find as the wreckage of the plane that hit the Pentagon. Also, I know a terrorist attack in KC would only be yet another reason to build condos . . . So I'll keep my tinfoil hat close.

Still, I don't believe in conspiracies, I just know that there is something about D.C. that makes quite a few (pervy and powerful) people feel like they can get away with anything.

So the video bloggers seem to be up in KC's Kool-Aid as of late

the show with zefrank



Nice to see that Ze just blew through town and made fun of this place in the process (good stuff) and Amanda Congdon will be here on Monday (if you plan to masturbate more furiously that day). Thanks to Chris for keeping me in the loop. I wonder where she'll visit?

Check out The Kansas City apology thread for a few quick laughs and outsider insights into KC.

Do racist sketches qualify as graphic design?

The KC Biz Journal reports: Western Container Co. workers subjected black employees to hand-drawn pictures of black men hanging from nooses and racial epithets and graffiti, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission charged in a federal lawsuit filed Friday.

Do they expect anyone to start snitching?

KCTV 5 reports: Someone crawled through broken glass at the shop at Flava of Hip Hop on Tenth and Minnesota in KCK.

The burglar stole six pairs of rare jean shorts worth 400 dollars each along with designer shirts and jeans. All together the merchandise stolen was worth more than three thousand dollars.

Didn't you know the Accardos own the Crossroads?

I make a habit of not listening to anyone's problems but driving home last night at around 8 p.m. I saw some white guy on the Boulevard with a sandwich board and a sardonic grin. He was shouting something and I was too far away to read his sign but the fact that he was directly in front of the Accardo real estate office gave me a clue as to what he was upset about . . . Despite the glowing coverage from The Star, apparently more than a few nearby residents are none to pleased about a 17-story residential condominium tower planned for the Crossroads District.



I felt bad because I didn't shake the guy's hand but I make it policy never to touch anyone I meet on the street after dark. However, after talking to him for a few minutes it was clear that he's an intelligent guy who simply doesn't like what's going on in his neighborhood. Later, after a few Google searches I found that Bill Drummond is an active member in the Crossroads Community and (unlike me) he isn't completely negative about new real estate development in this town. In fact, he seems to be a strong proponent of the Performing Arts Center but feels that the Accardo real estate company is unfairly benefiting from the hard work of his community. Apparently, he's not the only one who is mad about the thing and he told me that others plan to protest as well. He makes an interesting case about the company's lack of support for the Crossroads and their feeble attempt to rename the district, check out what he has to say for yourself.

In lieu of humans

Robots invade Union Station!

Presently, I can't stand Kansas City hipsters

In my opinion, there is nothing worse than people in this cowtown desperately trying to be cool or trendy or whatever word it is you might use to describe one of those dreaded hipsters to which I'm referring.

That routine just doesn't work in this place for a number of reasons but mostly because there are still far more people 'round these parts who wear those John Deere gimme hats with absolutely no sense of irony at all. Also, because almost every social activity in this town involves eating; being skinny and depressed might be a sign of terminal illness and not just proof of your devotion to The Killers.

Anyway, while flipping through the pages of the 1st anniversary edition of Present Magazine a photo essay caught my eye.

A bunch of KC hipsters got together for a fashion shoot at Le Fou Frog (I know) in order to show this city their cool 80 buck jeans that came pre shredded. You'll have to take a look at these losers for yourself in order to catch a glimpse of their self importance . . .

Because puppies are more important than people

Two Weimaraner pups get an outpouring of support after being tossed off a bridge or "tenderized" if we're talking Korean food. Anyway, it's touching if you don't take into account that these people could probably care less about non cuddly creatures - like homeless dirtbags.

Jenee Osterheldt helps out in Club NV's PR effort

My favorite hoop earring wearing columnist tragically disappoints me (and every other literate person of color) today by getting played for a dumb, pretty BAP by a racist local club.

Too bad this hot ass columnist proves that she hasn't had to ask twice for much in her life or career.

So this is what hundreds millions of (tax) dollars buys

Royals Lose 100 Games

The Star reports: "In falling to 59-100, they became the first team to lose at least 100 games in three straight years since the Toronto Blue Jays in 1977-79. Doing so also links them with the 1962-65 New York Mets and the 1961-64 Washington Senators.

Those three teams had the excuse of starting their run in their first season as an expansion team.

The Royals are just the 11th team to pull a 100-loss hat trick - a list that includes two entries by the Boston Braves."

Clearly this is an incredible achievement funded by your bad decisions and Kathryn Shields!

When in doubt blame your baby's mama

Boyfriend Says Murder Was Self-Defense

Help prove that Jesus is fiction

Union Station is looking for volunteers to help with the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit early next year.

It would have been funnier if he was carrying that much weight in crack

KSHB reports that a Texas teenager is facing federal drug charges after police say he was carrying nearly 18 pounds of heroin in the Greyhound bus station in Kansas City.

Once again Kansas City celebrates the achievement of a former SS officer

The TWA Moonliner rocket is returning to KC!

Hey, you can't spell Luftwaffe without TWA. Looking for images for this post, I found an old ad that featured the name of Dr. Wernher von Braun in connection with the Moonliner. I'm not sure if it's official or just nice advertising but I'm sure all of you history buffs know the integral role that former the former Nazi scientist played in the U.S. Space program (after his pioneering work with the help of Jewish slave laborers on the V-2 rocket - London baby!) and I'm sure the connection wasn't lost on crazy ass Howard Hughes who was just as afraid of Black people as he was of germs. Anyway, considering all of this I think the rocketship makes a wonderful addition to KC's skyline and quite apt when put into the context of the gentrification that's attempting to kick every local minority as far, far away from downtown or midtown.

Here's a little more info about the Moonliner (basically just a modified V-2 rocket) and a great shot of Von Braun with KC's favorite Nazi sympathizer Walt Disney:

Because you basically need a helicopter to get around downtown

Phase Two of KCI Airport Bridge Project Begins Bern Street Bridge Closed

Unemployment . . . Ford tough

Ford Motor Co.'s financing subsidiary will cut about 2,000 salaried jobs in the United States and Canada, including about 25 in the Kansas City area.

Trent tells more lies . . . His career is pretty much over.

Green Says He Won't Be Back For At Least Next Two Games as he shows up to Arrowhead walking like an 80 year-old man.

"These misguided malcontents need to accept the fact that at this time, the sale and consumption of drugs is illegal."

Wakarusa Festival stoners are fuming mad, until about 4:20.

I thought Alex P. Keaton was a Republican

Michael J. Fox To Host McCaskill Fundraiser OR The Teenwolf needs his stem cells too.

Iraq War obviously isn't winning hearts and minds anywhere

Channel 9 reports: "The military is accusing a Missouri soldier of killing Iraqi prisoners, but his mother says her son is innocent."

We're a cowtown but obviously not a one horse town

16 Horses Die In Interstate 44 Crash

It make the Hall of Fame's mistake seem all the more horrible

Buck O'Neil's Health Takes Turn For Worse

"Kansas City is America"

Amazing post from local blogger Joe about the state of our city and Queen Katheryn the (not so) Great . . . And I was thinking that the mural would have been okay without her or the judge. A really gusty move would have been to paint over her image without the permission of the profiteer artist . . . Yet, this whole town witnessed how thrilled Queen Katheryn was to look down on us all.

Another great blogger review of Mark Forsythe

Money line: "I love it when outsiders run for public office. It is the truest test of a persons character."

What a local blogger learned this week

Nice post, I learned a long time ago that everybody enjoys a good list.

An article so ghey you might get syphilis from reading it

Charles Ferruzza relives all of the ghey old times at the various locations of Ray's KC porn shack. Apparently, Ray's on Main recently closed but I haven't paid for porn since 1997 so I had no idea. Anyway, the article is a great read but misleading because it refers to nasty, sinful the ghey sex without calling it by name. Obviously, if women were to have sex at porn theaters with no commitments or questions . . . I'd be there right now. So I guess this was a column reminiscing about the "good old days" of promiscuous the ghey sex and (thankfully) I couldn't relate. Also, I feel like I should get some kind of the ghey pride t-shirt for reading the article if only to distribute to all (3) of my loft and condo readers who regularly come here for abuse.

Also, the article refers to several fellow the ghey journalists who had "experience" with the place and Ferruzza drops a lot of hints, but I'm to scared to bend over and pick them up.

Oops, almost forgot (not really).

No homo.

Ze Frank was in town today

He described us as "The small ski resort town of Kansas City, Missouri." However, we only got to see what a KC hotel room looked like, which is pretty much what most visitors to this town take in . . . Along with McDonalds, Starbucks and maybe a few escorts. Anyway, it was another great show, as usual. Thank God, he didn't go to a rib joint. I hate that shit. Pandering I mean, ribs are actually quite tasty.

George Brett's bronze bust stolen from museum

The AP reports that the stolen bust of Brett (he-he) stood outside the Springfield museum as part of a "legends walkway" with about 15 other busts of athletes and three full-size statues, museum operations director Marty Willadsen said Thursday.

It's worth about 10 to 15k and went missing sometime earlier this week.

Considering all of the skanky busts that the Royals have had their hands on over the years, this is pretty much fair play. However, I think that this might yet another desperate attempt to cling on to the glory days of the Royals, figure that the team's management remind everyone how great the team once was every time they want money, so naturally crooks took the message to heart.

Alternately, in the KC area there have been a lot of thefts in order to obtain bronze. Crooks have hit local statues and even cemeteries, so I guess grave robbing the long gone memory of great Royals players isn't that much of a surprise.

TKC Headlines - September 28, 2006

Observing the CITIZEN JOURNALIST in the wild
A shout out from devious bloggery
"How current bus service and the ATA's 3/8-cent sales tax we passed in 2003 would be affected if Chastain's latest light rail proposal passes in November?"
Chris Doyle is taking KC for even more money: Kansas Citians are invited to bounce into one of the region's newest public art installations next week.
Unholy Moses on Missouri Cigarette taxes
Emaw with the ghey video of dudes sleeping
13th and Baltimore closes for Power & Light work
KC high-rise comes off the market
A salute to women in politics
Body of woman, 22, is discovered
The sale of about half of the Missouri college loan agency's assets will proceed if the legislature concurs.
Missouri, once again, is among the stingiest . . . with childcare this time.
Harassment suit dismissed against Johnson County Fire District No. 1
KCK schools shake up parent-teacher conference formula
Sponsorship at the Nextel Cup Series Banquet 400 race at Kansas Speedway
Morrison seeks state action to curb domestic violence
Hit and Run Accident Stuns Officers, Police Search for a Suspect
Crossroads skivvies boutique Shuttlecocks closed September 23
And more smooth music, I know it's embarrassing for me too!

A Healthy Dose of Publicity

Alonzo Washington's kids do a great job talking about struggling with diabetes and the creation of a new comic book on the subject.

It's a nice interview and good progress in the sense that few people have had any luck garnering more cooperation with the cops but at the very least we can all start snitching on the silent killer.

Lee's Summit loser blogger gets beat up by German filmmaker

I don't read Something Awful because porn is far too interesting but the guy who runs the popular site recently got his ass kicked by a filmmaker he flamed.

In related news, Mike Sanders can do all the pushups he wants but he still better not dream about coming my way. Can't wait till his legal authority runs out so I can really have a good time. Anyway, winning a fight against an Internet publisher isn't that great of an accomplishment, it's more akin to your mom telling you that you're handsome or your girlfriend pretending to enjoy your stories.

Anyway, a good ass kicking is always fun to watch, this blog had the best report on the fight for those who spend way too much time on the Internet.

Anytime is a good time for a classic song

The always appropriate anthem brought to you by the Assimilated Negro, "Kill The White People." Because I've read one to many opinions by white guys today and I'm a tad pissed that KMBZ is bringing Lou "I hate Mexicans" Dobbs to town.

"the No Homo hoopla is officially out of control"

Or, yet another reason why no one should take female writers seriously. Seriously, there is nothing funnier (to me) than pounding away at this thing every chance I get - NO HOMO! - The article by hip-hop groupie Tara Henley hopes for more "the ghey" rappers other than the gangsta wannabeasts in KC and of course Kanye West.

About what I owe you

Generally, I think it's a good idea to be suspicious of everyone. Odds are at some point your significant other has lied to you, anybody who is trying to sell you something obviously cares just as much about your cash as their product or service and pretty much everyone except Jesus has a motive.

In that respect, local blogger Dan recently had some interesting thoughts to share about the difference between blogging and journalism.

"Bloggers who take themselves seriously and consider themselves "citizen journalists" need a reality check. Unless you're doing the ground level development of sources and documentation, you are playing at journalism. The phone call I received yesterday was a friendly reminder that real journalists work on an entirely different level."

And I should preface all of this with the fact that Gone Mild is one of the best blogs in the city and that's why I even bother to comment on this post.

But the notion that there is a difference between the written word in one arena vs. any other is really just and excuse to stop thinking, to stop being critical. I've read tons of excellent local blog posts that have provided more valuable first hand information than could ever be provided by our daily paper. And let's not forget that there is only one major daily paper in this town that would love everyone to think they have a monopoly on facts as well as distribution, government sources and press releases.

The attitude that something has greater credibility because it was published by a corporate entity is the reason that so many people in this town are so poorly informed or don't even pay much attention to the news at all. This is the same kind of logic that kept people reading Soviet era rags like Pravda.

If blogs have one major contribution it's that they help everyone become even more distrustful of the MSM. And distrust isn't a bad thing, it's what keeps government officials in check, it's what keeps your wife from running around like a skank (much more effectively than any kind of silly vows) and it's the foundation of much of the "law" white people are so fond of . . . Seriously, security guards, police, background checks, it's basically a public display that this society doesn't trust you to behave yourself and it also makes everyone feel safer.

The notion that anything published by the Star is more credible just because they get paid for their propaganda is a dangerous one. Over the past year we've seen how they not only use their subscription base for sending spam but also seemingly put every one of their columnists on notice to write something nice in favor of the Stadium Tax. These are not the kind of people you want to trust. More and more, people have begun to seek out only the news that they agree with because it's so clear that every media outlet has an agenda - only a good blog is honest about its motives (I'm after big booty white women and good times). The media fragmentation that's going on is not all together a bad thing and while it has given birth to Fox News, this trend is also responsible for all of those great issues of High Times.

The initial post had something to do with Krazy Kris Kobach teaching another class on immigration at UMKC Law School. I received a few e-mails about it myself. A reporter wanted to confirm whether or not Kobach was, in fact, teaching the class. While a call to the law school probably would have been more productive . . . It inspired Gone Mild to praise our local rag's fact checking when, in my opinion, the fact that a cocksmooch like Kobach is held in such high esteem by UMKC Law School while the University tries its best to pander to Latinos for increased enrollment is clearly a sign that the institution is as schizophrenic as a 19 year-old broad who has just packed on the "Freshman 15."

So I can only hope that bloggers will continue to contribute to media skepticism. I hope that no one will accept anything as fact just because of a brand name. It's important to be critical of every form of media that you consume and remain skeptical of everything you read . . . Especially from The Star.

Paying off the KCPD

Here's a rule of politics that's basically as old as civilization: Don't argue with people who have weapons.

In that same respect, it was telling that the proposed police budget which features a huge increase passed without a peep.

The Kansas City police board on Tuesday approved a $229 million budget request that asks the city for an extra $33.5 million, a 17.1 percent increase . . . The proposed budget now goes to city officials. The City Council usually considers budget recommendations in January and February, passes a budget in March, and it goes into effect May 1.

However, the Buzz blog says that "Mayoral and council candidates, though, will have to talk about it, since they'll have to live with whatever decision the outgoing council makes." And that's true to a certain extent but I'm thinking that all of the minorities on the receiving end of a Taser or people pulled over in Soviet-era checkpoints (under the guise of DUI) will probably be even more inconvenienced by a better funded police department.

Still, in principle I support the police because they do keep this town safe YET I wonder if all that money will buy them a clue about how to get cooperation from so many people in this town who have yet to start snitching. Will more cash = cooperation or is all of this tax money just gonna be spent on new toys?

Star Struck: Fear and Loathing in Kansas City

The "man" (i.e. Kay Barnes) doesn't want you playing tennis. Word to Venus and Serena.

Jenee writes fondly of her closet. Obviously, she didn't see me hiding in it.

Yet another local writer blames all his problems on his toxic childhood - And profits!

"The people of JoCo shouldn't fear information." Continuing to fear minorities will do just fine.

Names are added to a petition that also calls for asking the interim president at JCCC to stay on. I'd like to read your joke for this unfunny, yet interesting story.

Mike Sanders makes a case by studying semen. This guy will fit in perfectly in County Government.

"The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive" and other observations about tragic teenage car accidents.

They have it all locked up

The Star reports that for the second time in recent weeks, a Johnson County Department of Corrections official has resigned amid an apparent internal investigation. The headline of the article claims that "Turmoil continues in Johnson County correctional system" but doesn't actually refer to what the turmoil is, because it's certainly has nothing to do with the lack of minorities in JoCo prisons, they're doing just fine in that respect. It's probably the only aspect that the people of JoCo don't mind multi-culturalism.

Bad Taste

Shields defends her mural. Says it's much more tasteful than a previous instillation that featured Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

And no, this joke never gets old for me.

Town Topics: Slugging it out

Things are getting tougher in KCK OR Quickly search for a way to blame it on the Mexicans who have contributed to nearly all of the economic development in that community as well.

Still, violent crime in KC doesn't matter until it hits your home.

Mom makes sure Freshman will suffer bullying throughout High School.

I guess it's tiring getting overlooked by the Hall of fame.

TIF money for people who actually need it? That's an interesting Prospect.

For your sake, make sure the girls going wild are legal. Again, that's why I prefer MILFs, stretch marks are a sure sign that everything is cool as far as initial age checks are concerned. Still, better to see ID . . . Welfare cards are acceptable as well.

A rare, not so perfect day in Prairie Village

Rock beats scissors and area convenience store

Household Hazardous Waste Collection in North Kansas City OR Time to throw away your wife's candle collection.

The Missouri Department of Natural Resources recently announced it is making approximately $200,000 in federal funds available for projects that protect drinking water sources, including groundwater, lakes, rivers and streams. Much better than spending the rest of your life drinking nasty ass Ozarka that tastes like a plastic bottle.

Smoking will kill you, whereas non-smokers will bore you to death.

Sad that this Kansas Republican comes up with a decent plan when there is no chance he'll ever win.

There is always time for a quick snack

This is a better commercial than money could buy.

See the scam

AG Jay Nixon warns: Watch for Con Artists in Wake of Storms.

I will.

Keep your crackpot schedule filled

EKC has a great list of local activities. There is a ton of good information on local events along with a few things that don't require a tin foil hat for admission.

Blogger Backtalk: Thinking of you

Best painful observation of the day: "Pulling up next to high-school girls while listening to Great White doesn't have the same effect in 2006 that it might have had in 1994, when I was eighteen."

This was great along with a lot of other funny random thoughts: "I am never watching Grey's Anatomy again. Seriously? Why? I am glad you asked. Because it is THE MOST DEPRESSING SHOW ON TELEVISION!"

Become what I have beheld: "It truly is a sad fact that, as a nation, we've gotten to a point where torture is an issue that's up for debate."

"We'll make great pets"

"This Old House---Mexican Style"

Another good review for Joe!

"Stupid is the new hot?" I hope not but that's what it looks like.

"Happy Banned Books Week!" - A screed against ClassKC (Citizens for Literary Standards in Schools Kansas City) via IrishKC.

The reviews are in . . .

Fortunately, I don't give a fuck about reviews.

Also, I don't take requests but I'm going to make an exception because this is the one place in the universe (other than a secluded motel bedroom) that I can do whatever the Hell I want.

A commenter asked me to link this:

"For once white folks aren't trying to keep the brownies down!"



Personally, I think that anybody who would try to keep the brownies down is a jerk. In fact, I think the brownies are great. My sister was a brownie and now she's marrying a white guy, so obviously they have a great influence. Nobody should ever give the brownies a hard time and they should also contribute to any bake sale the brownies are planning. Sure, the brownies might have a few problems among their own but I'd have to say that the overwhelming majority of them are really good people.

Also, (not so) close media watching has taught me to never trust any drug dealer whether he is on the street, in a bodega or wearing a white lab coat.

Attention unemployed freelance writers

Normally, I hate hanging out with other writers. For the most part, we're a whinny bunch of people who are only interested in our own success . . . It wasn't until I started hanging out with people in other professions when I realized that this applies to everyone.

Still, I guess it's important to have a sense of community . . . If only to make reading the obituaries more interesting.

In that respect, The Writers Place is a great resource. Currently, they are collecting information for a regional directory of freelance writers scheduled to be published in January. While I'm sure that you could use the listings in any local S&M message board as a cross reference (writers love abuse) I guess the directory format is a tad more professional. Here is some more information and be sure to sign up if that kind of thing is your bag . . . Participating in a community of writers, not S&M - at least not officially.

Today's TKC Top Stories

Hell yeah, I used some smooth music for an intro . . .
Kicking it John Combest style
Linked by Reach
Skinned Cat Appalls Olathe Community
Olathe Couple stab each other in front of their Child
Painter Gajin Fujita at the Kemper
Nichols Lunch closed yesterday with no warning
Finally, Some Good News on Troost!
KCK graffiti
Krazy Kris Kobach Teaching Immigration?
Urban Walk #7: A Quick Jaunt To Lunch
Text Message Leads To Sex Offender Arrest
Meeting On OP Soccer Complex Draws Large Crowd
OP Youth Football Game Called Off After Fight involving racial slurs
Oprah: Lawyer Overreacted To KC Man's Quest
Man Flags Down Woman in Olathe, Exposes Himself
Army Surplus Store Owner Sentenced for Possessing Machine Gun
Gov. Matt Blunt on Monday dropped his effort to force the partial sale of Missouri’s student loan agency
Kansas City's named a finalist in the World Leadership Awards
Schools to get radios that deliver weather warnings
A former Kansas GOP leader (Dennis Jones) backs a Democrat for attorney general.

Crossroads Cabaret Kay

A big shoutout to my man (no homo) from the other side of the ocean, JJ!!!

He came up with a wonderful photo that captures the song and dance our mayor performs on behalf of the local art community and the notion that bad painting will save our town.

Enjoy folks, I know that I had to pick myself off the floor in order to post this one.

Again, thanks JJ!

A place for propaganda

Union Station's Science City hasn't had much luck attracting visitors but a new exhibit may (probably won't) turn the tide.

The Star reports that a new four-sided kiosk in the lobby of Union Station, offers a five minute multi-media presentation explaining the science behind research on early stem cells.

I'm not sure that telling families that their offspring are better put to use as a medical byproduct is a smart way to attract more visitors but I guess it's educational at least.

Of course I'm mischaracterizing stem cell research but it's only because I haven't seen the Union Station presentation yet. Previously, I thought that they just stuck a straw into the head of a fetus in order harvest the life giving goodness . . . Thus the term "stem." I'm sure it's a lot more complicated than that . . . There's probably a blender involved at some point.

Some of you might have a problem with using a public space to propagandize the citizenry but that's far less important than finding paying customers for this city's biggest abortion of a public improvement project. And clearly, warping the minds of kids who are visiting Science City isn't a problem when those precious brain cells are better put to use in order to save the life of any one of the super rich people who can afford these procedures. While I'm sure the benefits of these "life saving cures" will one day "trickle down" (like pee) on the rest of us . . . From what I've seen (like organ transplants) only rich people benefit from the early scientific breakthroughs. Poor people in need of advanced medical treatment usually end up marveling only at the leaps and bounds that cremation technology has recently underwent.

Anyway, I guess it's a good thing that the public and families visiting Science City have a chance to examine the issue. Educating and caring for children takes a lot of time and patience, whereas spewing out propaganda in every place imaginable only takes money.

The Royals can only beat each other

Admittedly, this is old news but I never saw the video of it so I'm posting it for my own sake. The whole thing is so homoerotic I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up wearing a brightly colored, tight shirt from watching the damn thing. Really, I don't know where to start . . . Do I comment on the pitcher vs. catcher aspect of the story or do I note that a "furious dugout in turmoil" sounds like the name of a bar I wouldn't want to visit. Anyway, the fight between Runelvys Hernandez and John Buck was most likely the highlight of the season other than the millions of dollars that the people of Jackson County have signed over to these catfighting losers.

Star Struck: Fear mongers can eat me

A race without hope: Kansas Republican candidate for Governor is even worse off than Puerto Ricans.

Stupidest Headline from The Star this week (so far): One step from spinach to terror

You don't say? A profile of one of the many types of people from JoCo who are untrustworthy.

Sinking feeling in Northeast isn't just because of the influx of Mexicans.

Jazzoo raises more than half a million dollars from folks who would rather feed animals than homeless people.

Fear your food: Symposium on Agroterrorism coming to KC this week.

Local Links: Gunning for you

Three kids get their first lesson in country song writing.

This year's award for "The most ghey guy in KU History" goes to someone other than that dickhead who keeps on making CD mixes for your girlfriend.

Prospect shooting on a Saturday Night . . . Not so special. X 3 if anybody bothers to keep count.

KC Survivors sing equally familiar song.

South KC Domino's workers held up and put in freezer. I only wonder if it was enough to keep their dignity from spoiling a long time ago.

Plaza People Everyday

Like everyone else in Johnson County, I went to the Plaza Art Fair over the weekend. While I was hoping that maybe somebody would drop a wallet or that weird rich guy that gives people 5 grand (and doesn't demand oral sex) would throw me some cash - I still had a good time without spending any cash on the overpriced art or food. The day that I pay ten dollars for a sandwich, the person serving it is going to wear half of it.

Anyway, here are some observations from my visit:

White people smell like Wonder Bread, sunscreen and victory.

Three Latinos in the crowd. My mom knew them all.

White people don't need security. I walked up and down the place and did not see one cop. Needless to say, this kind of thing could not play at a Fiesta or anything involving the Black community. Sometimes we need security at my family gatherings. My grandma will throw her walker any one of my female cousins showing too much cleavage. Anyway, if there was anything valuable on display, there could have been trouble. I guess everyone just got lucky.

To the douchebags walking their dogs in the crowd: Your dog and everyone else thinks your a dick.

If the interracial couples in the crowd were any indication, consider this a TKC dating truism: Skinny white chicks dig interracial dating as long as you let them think that they know more about art then you do.

Unless you were selling hokey microbrews for 5 buck a piece, you didn't sell anything. Nobody goes to the Plaza Art Fair to buy art.

There is nowhere near enough parking on the Plaza for this thing. Either they're going to have to start using a chopper to airlift these white people in OR we should just makeover the whole town with faux Spanish architecture.

The aura of desperation on unmarried white women over the age of 30 was the most brilliant display of colors I've ever seen. My mom pointed it out. Just kidding, neither of us can see auras (because they don't exist) but we did notice that pancaked make up can't cover laugh lines.

Art is nearly a bigger scam than real estate development. Both pretty much exclude minorities and white people paint a pretty picture but the value is only in your mind.

The over hyped art scene will never provide a sustainable basis for economic growth in Kansas City. The PR garnered by overprivileged art school kids and people shopping for something that matches their sofa is truly the most artistic thing on display in this town.

Blogger Backtalk: A few of my favorite things

Insane Renfest poodle you have to see to believe.

My favorite KC barbecue place is better than yours.

One of my favorite KU bloggers reports on classy KC Ladies at the Legends: "I Sucked for a Buck!"

Jesus Christ there are even more reasons to hate the Plaza Art Fair.

Commies get a lot of KC support: Successful infoshop re-opening

TKC commenter of the month: Jazo

It's all about incentives people. Above you'll see a photo of a trophy that features a bronze mold of one of my testicles. It was hell to pose for but I think it turned out nicely and it's obviously very sought after. Anyway, this post is just a sign of my appreciation for anyone who bothers to leave a comment, even if it's to call me an asshole.

Jazo pulled this one out easily (no homo) but believe it or not he had a bit of competition.

As always, it's good to hear from Dallas. His site is in the big leagues now but he still takes the time to come by and leave a message now and then. And that's yet another reason why you should be reading his blog.

Mark has also been nice enough to leave an occasional comment and we all know that the coming months are going to get insanely busy for that guy as the dark cloud of election season looms over KC.

Also, Tracy keeps us on our toes here at TKC. She knows a hell of a lot about this town and her blog and insights are always appreciated.

And I couldn't possibly forget the X-Man who cracks me up regularly.

Hope this has inspired you to share your wisdom with the readers here at TKC. I welcome any and all comments and I almost never delete any (only one in TKC history).

Anyway, this is just my way of saying thanks. So, thanks, and now more posts where you'll find that I won't pay any attention to your comments regarding spelling, grammatical errors, typos, gibberish or fanatical devotion to big booty white women.

Mexicans in the Media OR Viva your mother

I know, I know . . . Only one of these stories has anything to do with Kansas City. But they've caught my interest nonetheless:

Tortilla Art photoset . . . See Jesus and you other favorite icons in this tasteful/less display.

Free Chess lessons are available at Irene Ruiz Library on Fridays. The immigration debate and lawncare knowledge shouldn't be the only place where Latinos can outsmart you.

Latinos turn to Islam: "The Islamic Society of North America (ISNA) reports that there are approximately 40,000 Latino Muslims in the United States." Quite a few of the converts are women, who are seemingly willing to give up a great deal of freedom in order to challenge stereotypes about skanky Latinas (i.e. Eva Longoria, J-Lo, etc.). However, I'm guessing that you'd still be able to see their huge asses in a burka.

New local podcast: KC Proper

Check out this new local podcast. I'm going to right now as well.

Us vs them

Impassioned JoCo leaders are devising a plan to rally their residents. Surprisingly, the initiative is against some silly soccer stadium complex and (thankfully) isn't directing its ire toward minorities who want to seek employment in the golden ghetto.

Union Station picks new marketing firm

Here's a decent strategy: Sell it as a haunted house during the fall months because it's basically just as empty as one.

STEVE PENN ONLY COVERS MIDDLE CLASS MINORITIES

Out of touch isn't even the phrase to describe the worst columnist in Kansas City but it's the best that I can come up with . . . He recently refers to Blanco y Negro Awards Gala as "a jewel of the Latino community" - GAG - When so many of us see it as nothing but pretentious crap and basically a prom night for Latinos who have lost touch with their immigrant roots and want to prance around in penguin suits. I had to suffer through his garbage column but you might not want to. Just know that Penn clearly doesn't plan on writing about anyone who doesn't share a similar income demographic.

Soccer for JoCo Suckers

This silly soccer debate is actually starting to get interesting. I wonder if suburbanites are going to get suckered into developers promises and head down the same path that has only created an economic boom for real estate developers in KC and no one else.

MAST, KCFD and why Unions need CPR

Local reports have had a hard time relaying all of the tension involved in the recent vote that kept Firefighters Local 42 as the union for MAST employees.

The International Association of Firefighters absorbed MAST workers a year and a half ago.

For the most part it's a boring story that's only exciting when someone gets a beatdown while electioneering too fervently but to an outsider it may suggest that the overall downhill slide (membership, influence and revenues) of Unions is apparent even at the local level . . . The fact that MAST workers weren't able to hold on to their own Union clearly isn't a good sign if the three or four pissed of e-mails I've received are any indication. Their point is well taken: MAST has a different culture, identity and history than the KCFD so they need their own representation but the sad fact is that even in a Union town there is little support for that kind of thinking or yet another Union for the city to negotiate with . . .

The only tangible returns this town will ever see in the Terror War

An Independence man killed in action in Afghanistan returned to Kansas City Friday.

UMKC mold problem

Sadly, we're not just referring to moldy, outdated ideas about the relevance of deconstruction or unimportant factoids regarding Antonio Gramci.

Glass and steel in Kansas City

Amazing photos from Scooter J.

Autographed book for a steal

Get a copy of Joe's book. Signed, sealed and delivered.

Picture this: Urban redevelopment that actually mattered

Eighth and Woodland

KC-area economic growth is slowing

So I thought all of this redevelopment, lofts, condos and pushing around poor people was supposed to lead to this town a bigger payday then the Nigerian e-mail offer I've recently been considering. Turns out that next year, when Mayor Kay flies away on her broomstick, economic growth is scheduled to slow down to a snail's pace in Kansas City.

On the brighter side, this town has created a lot of new jobs . . . But they are mainly in the service industry and therefore are either going to be taken by Mexicans or will make you horribly bitter about your degree in Communication Studies/Computer Science/History/whatever while shining shoes or mopping. However, there is dignity to be found in all kinds of work and you should remind yourself of that when your condo dwelling overlords look down to tell you that you missed a spot.

Blogger Backtalk: Stars in their eyes

A stellar sweatin the small stuff

So Long Starlight

More support for Mark Forsythe, this guy is quickly becoming a local Internet star. Hopefully, he'll soon be a councilman as well . . . I'm not sure which one is better.

Lots of weekend links from ThingsKC

BlogKC offers some great links as well.

Along with the even more local links for the weekend from the Event Driver.

Aw, a sweet post from Mtoast.

Sign of the times: "It's very sad that running negative ads about candidates is the best way to get elected, but this is what we must endure for the next six weeks."

Maybe Alex Jones is right

A couple of years ago my cousin sent me a link to Infowars and we both thought it was good for a laugh with a few occasionally interesting points.

Generally, I think people are too loud mouthed and dumb to put together a decent conspiracy. I've been interrogated by grade school nuns and that has taught me one fundamental truth: Everybody talks.

However, I have to agree that this country is definitely taking many steps toward becoming a police state.

Here's a local example: The Lawrence Journal World recently reported that expensive hidden cameras were used to bust pot heads at the recent Wakarusa Festival.

A new article in a trade journal, Government Security News, describes the roughly $250,000 worth of hidden-camera, night-vision and thermal-imaging equipment used by police throughout the festival grounds. The equipment was courtesy of a California company that agreed to give a free demonstration of its wares for marketing purposes.

The company estimated that they were able to cover 85 percent of the festival grounds with about a half dozen hidden cameras.

Someone please tell me how preventing a bunch of stoner douche bags from eating pizza and listening to music is protecting the public interest?

Most of the reaction to the security crackdown at the festival has been overwhelmingly negative. Put simply, the police (state) presence ruined the festival.

Thing, local government has a right to crack down on whoever they want, they also have a right to lose income because of prude policy. Downtown KC anyone? If the organizers of this event were smart (read: not stoned) they might want to consider moving the thing. Let the local fuzz enjoy their pot free community while some other place might welcome (read: not harass) a group of people who might purchase a ton of junk food and lots of shiny things.

In the end, whether it's state funded prisons, drug dealers or Phish . . . Somebody always finds a way to make money off of drug addicts.

Panties are a science

I've always been a fan of small businesses in Kansas City but it's nice to see someone pay as much attention to women's underwear as I do.

I've never heard of Scientific Panty before but I really like the name and that fact that the place inhabits the old firestation number 31 in the center of KCMO seems pretty cool as well . . . But that's still not as gully as women's panties (in my mouth).

The local business even has a "panty manifesto" that outlines their philosophy. I wrote something like that in about 8th grade and I was suspended for it. Actually, I think that it's important to note that I'm more concerned with getting the panties off the women folk (for greater comfort!) but I guess you could still call it a shared interest anyway.

In other news, this local biz is putting together a meet and greet for mayoral candidate Henry Klein, who doesn't have a chance. Today the proprietor sent out a mass mail and a link to Klein's website. For an upcoming party in support for the guy and offering a chance to ask him questions.

Here is the listing for the event:

Saturday Evening
September 23
5-8 pm
4518 Troost Avenue
Kansas City, MO

They're asking for 20 bucks as a suggested donation. It's not mandatory but I think if I'm gonna dish out any money in an underwear store, I'm gonna have to ask to see the broad's panties.

Car trouble for a community activist

On his blog, Alonzo Washington reports that his wife was recently the victim of a hit and run. It was a white guy (in the end it's always their fault), so I don't think the "stop snitching rule" applies. Additionally, his efforts to recruit tipsters on his Myspace account are soon to be chronicled by a local TV station and I think the fact that somebody is using Myspace for something other than hookups is newsworthy in and of itself.

Report of investigation into sexual-harassment is pretty limp and wouldn't be considered erotica

No decent stories regarding Johnson County Community College President Charles Carlsen and whether harassment occurred.

Hard to stay on your toes when you get older

Apparently, there isn't an "Old Timer's Day" in ballet either.

It's about time somebody celebrated hot, illicit, public ghey sex in Kansas City

The secretary of the interior on Thursday designated the Liberty Memorial Monument a National Historic Landmark.

I'm calling it the "Six of one" debate

U.S. Senate contenders Jim Talent and Claire McCaskill have agreed to a Kansas City debate in which we'll all discover that their genitalia is the only thing that separates them.

This may be the worst choice Missouri has faced since it had to eschew slave labor in favor of paying Mexicans slave wages down the road. It's just bad all the way around.

Sure, the whole "Talent is an evil Republican" thing is easy enough to lay on people but McCaskill has had trouble finding a steady guy to get behind her let alone a whole state. For years she hasn't taken a stand for anything other than her own career.

My latest disappointment regarding Claire is that she's on the TV airwaves talking about sealing the border . . . And that's her prerogative but then she comes down to the Westside or some other Latino hangout and smiles and wants to shake hands with everyone after advocating to slit their throats on the airwaves. Only the Latinos who let her get by with her two faced routine are more despicable.

Believe me, there aren't going to be any winners in this race whether you vote for a no talent double crosser or to extend the career of a corporate campaigner.

It's time to start hassling poor whites!

This week in Kansas City a federal grand jury indicted 15 people for allegedly providing commercial driver's licenses to dozens of Somali and Bosnian nationals. In some cases the NON-MEXICAN immigrants never took a test to drive the rigs but more importantly they weren't Mexican. I know, most illegal immigrants ARE Mexican but I bet it was hard for the local TV stations to cover this story without being able to use the standard video of brown skinned fence jumpers that they love to run on any occasion when they mention Latinos.

Bitchy Brooklyn Artist doesn't think much of KC politics

Why does this city keep importing New York artists to throw money at (100k in this case) when it's so clear they don't know or care about this town?

"The poetry of the pieces is important to me, and I would appreciate it if you didn't reduce it to the point of petty, local squabbling."

Sad story: Maybe the antithesis of Bikers for babies

A 2-year-old boy was killed Thursday afternoon when a motorcycle fell on him at his grandparents' home. Note: Not a slam against the cool local charity, I just couldn't think of a decent headline.

Flyboys @ Kansas City Air Expo

Patriotism and product placement, it's what makes America a great company country.

"Does AEG want an AHL team playing in Sprint Center?"

KCHockeyBuzz knows everything about bringing hockey to KC that local leaders and sports broadcasters are afraid to tell you. From what I've read, it's pretty much the Penguins or nothing and now the possibility of a smaller team coming to the Sprint Center has arisen. Word to The Blades. I won't provide any analysis on the subject because I don't know what I'm talking about (as usual), but the author of this local hockey blog really does know his stuff.

How in the hell have I not yet linked up the 816?

I checked out this site years ago and I admired all the neat Flash artwork and creative ads the site featured. Good stuff and I'm only throwing up this quick post in order to remind myself that I need to link it in bloglines tomorrow.

Even money that Amanda Congdon comes through the Crossroads

Eh, the KC entry in uber video blogger Amanda Congdon's travel log is pretty prosaic. I'm almost hoping that she heads straight through to Lawrence or maybe Wichita if only to prevent the entire world from believing the Crossroads myth - That there aren't any people of color in the urban core so it's safe to buy a condo.

Cause and effect

I know that a recent random crime on Ward Parkway caught your attention.

Historically, it's nicest/richest street in KC proper and whenever they don't provide a description of the perpetrators most people usually speculate that it was (or hope that it wasn't) a Black guy. So I'm sure that doesn't bode well for the slightly less ritzy southern tip (no homo) of Ward Parkway.

Anyway, random crime always scares people. I don't know if I'd call it completely random though . . . If I had to rob somebody, I'd probably head in that direction just because I know people might have a little more money . . . However, if I really wanted to steal hand over fist I think a much more lucrative option would be to start a company that helped to "reconstruct" Iraq.

But I digress.

The point here is that the prospect of having a gun pointed at your head by some random jerk is scary. That's why I'm glad that the police are promising more patrols. I'm sure that handing out more speeding tickets or a bunch of DUI checkpoints will completely alleviate the threat of crime increasing and spreading throughout Kansas City. On the bright side, you can always count on white people to "start snitching" on everyone but white collar criminals.

Wow, you can actually do stuff with technology (other than porn)!!!

Unfortunately, the current regime at City Hall has nothing but contempt for the Internet and technology. Hopefully, this will change. Mark Forsythe is one of the people in this town working to make it happen.

Currently, KC is about to break through the digital divide and promote the latest tech from 1998! Very soon, with the help of the City and the Builders' Association, the Kansas City Plan room will launch October 1st. The Web site will allow contractors to download and print construction plans and bidding documents for free.

It seems like a great initiative that will hopefully allow a much more efficient interaction with local government and citizens . . . Almost as easy as letting Diebold do our voting.

Blogger Backtalk: Devil Inside

I knew that local bloggers would have a lot of more interesting things to say about recent talk of El Diablo, much more heartfelt than anything in the MSM:

The Chatterbox Chronicles asks: "How much of this crap do we have to put up with on our own soil?"

Meanwhile:

Worst Weather Ever celebrates with the following statement: "It will NEVER get any better than that folks. Plus he was recommending we all read a Chomsky book? The Ultimate. Thank you for making my month Mr. Awesome."

In other news around the local blogosphere:

"Sure, Green Tea is better, but is it $4.00 better?"

A customer review worthy of TKC: "Time Warner can eat a dick too."

One blogger's take on the Talent-Nelson amendment. It's pretty thorough and informative, which means that you won't find that kind of analysis on the front page of The Star or anywhere on TV news. Also, I have a theory that in the future, all banks will be pretty much like payday lenders.

"A few random thoughts on moving south"

Really great Royals game pics!!! A losing effort but still nice to look at, just like Royals baseball for nearly two decades.

Star Struck: Suffer the children of Kansas City . . . Don't come to TKC

Kansas City fails to care for local kids. Mayor Kay has only proven successful at nurturing condos.

Sports fans and reporters need to grow up and understand that all athletes are on drugs of some sort.

The name may change but the 3rd rate skanks remain the same. Word to the Fantasy Ranch.

Friends don't let friends start fatal shootouts

There goes the Judge

Steve Penn will write about nothing but the Black Archives until you pretend to care.

Burned, broke and I hope they don't have to beg now.

Questioning police chase tactics is unpatriotic

If we can't have dangerous police pursuits and subsequent beatings or horrible car wrecks that often kill other (innocent) people, than Osama has won

About to debrief KC lawyers

It's official, local real estate developers have much more pull than local lawyers. That's a pretty big change that most poor people won't notice but it was once common place for a prominent lawyer to be able to get away with murder in this town. Nowadays that can't even fund the gambling habit of a local judge.

The Star reports that Mayor Kay Barnes called on Wednesday for the area's bar association to conduct a wide review of the Kansas City Municipal Court following more bad PR.

Clearly, this is a bold step with less than a year in office given the decades long history of bribery, absurdly large salaries and overall complacency that the Municipal Court system is famous for . . . After years of doing absolutely nothing, I have no idea why Mayor Kay would even bother investigating anything other than retirement communities.

If you really pay attention in Women's Studies, you learn it's okay to be a ho

It's hard to rank colleges and the women who attend in order of skankiness but I've always thought KU was underrated. This fact is reflected by the disproportionate number of lady Jayhawks in Playboy's recent Girls of the Big 12 issue.

To me, it's not a big deal because I'm pretty sure that many broads around KU show their ass to enough people during their 6 years of college that it's pretty much the same thing as appearing in a small magazine but I guess there is some amount of pride to be garnered from the fact that Hugh Hefner paid them $250 bucks to show their junk.

I guess I'm a little cynical because the softcore porn in Playboy is very tame compared to some of the MILF action I've been checking out lately. Grandma's Gone Wild, son!

Anyway, the exploitation offered by posing for porn pics is nothing compared to the hardcore abuse these ladies are going to be delivered once they get out into the real world or have their dreams shattered in the pursuit of their model/actress/advertising/pr/journalist career.

Here are couple of much more intelligent reports on the subject:

Rock shock Jayhawks

KU has the hottest chicks!

Because I don't have any friends in the real world

Yeah, I'm trying out this new myspace thing that all of the young folk are talking about . . . So where do I sign up for all of the barely legal sex with 19 year-old ladies?

Nah, I just wanna be friends.

White and Nerdy

"Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Fair, got my name on my underwear."

Crossroads Infoshop grand reopening party

Teach these commies a thing or two about capitalism with your support.

Yet another sign the KC condo crash is coming soon

A worker plunged head first down an open elevator shaft at a condo building under construction near the Country Club Plaza on Tuesday morning, police said.

One more reason why GM is backed by junk bonds

An $80 million judgment against General Motors makes its way to the Missouri Supreme Court.

Baby Blunt Falls Back on Wetback Attacks. Again.

It's like dating fat chicks, you only do it when you're down on your luck: Gov. Matt Blunt directed all executive state agencies to implement a new hiring procedure to verify employees' identity and citizenship. A federally supported online system will allow agencies to verify information provided by employees at no cost. Or you could simply go back (read: keep on) discriminating against anyone who doesn't look or sound like you. It's a nice plan, unless you actually own a business and want to save a buck.

Missouri women should learn to hunt for something other than rich husbands

The Missouri Department of Conservation will hold a beginning waterfowl-hunting clinic designed for women (read: remedial) Oct. 8 and give participants a chance to put their knowledge to work on a guided hunt Dec. 2.

What caused a double shooting this morning? OR Red Light Special

It's an honest question because it's hard to believe anybody would risk going to jail over a red light. However, if I was Lewis W. Diuguid I could simply blame everything on racism.

JoCo Cigarette Bandit Strikes Again!!!

Apparently, smoking causes stupidity as well: Overland Park police told KCTV5 News that Anthony Davis stole seven cartons of cigarettes early Wednesday morning from the Quiktrip at West 107th Street and Roe Avenue.

The clerk recognized him and was able to alert police, but not before he got away, police said.

Baby got back

KCTV 5 reported earlier: Stephenie Ochsenbine cradled her daughter in her arms Wednesday and told a national TV audience she couldn't describe the feeling. TV news people everywhere got to smile and show off their fancy new veneers.

"I want to interact with voters and community leaders on a full-time basis"

Or, the most common phrase uttered by someone who is unemployed.

Big Government Bash Downtown!

Face it! You only hate big government when they lose your check. Which, thankfully, isn't that often or there would really be some problems.

Stand up and Fight for your shopping Center!!!

A huge effort is underway to reverse the Missouri Department of Economic Development's recommendation to deny vital state funding for the $319 million City Walk shopping center. Because until there is access to a Pottery Barn for all of us, then none of us are free.

Skidmarks all the way around

Plane Skids Off Runway At Downtown Airport

So I guess the lesson he learned was that adults don't know what the hell they're doing in the KC School District. That's important.

The KCMO School District overturned a 10-day suspension for a boy who brought a plastic squirt gun to school. All the kids with real guns are probably relieved.

Anybody know a good print designer?

Somebody who isn't horribly expensive, who is very artsy (and shit) and who can design a document of around 50 pages with a lot of photos and text.

Craigslist Prank in KC

This would be stupid to ignore so I'm linking this (NSFW) site that claims to have "busted pervs" . . . Only to warn anybody who uses this garbage. I really just want people to know this: Don't use Craigslist to pick up anybody and realize that everything on the net shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Personally, I blame the "gotcha journalism" practiced by the MSM and the fact that a lot of people see it and then want to imitate the practice. But the truth is that it would be easy to take someone's identity, e-mail address or photo and simply put it on the net and claim all kinds of things about them . . . I do it regularly but most of my garbage is at least halfway entertaining and all done in a clearly jokey manner.

Recently, I visited the Craigslist Perverts site and it lists a ton of information about married (and some single????) guys trying to pick up a 19 (READ: LEGAL) year-old woman.

The author of the page calls these guys pervs but apparently isn't familiar with the statistics which indicate that MOST MEN CHEAT along with an INCREASING NUMBER OF WOMEN who are cheating as well. Put simply, infidelity is an American pastime. Calling these people pervs just doesn't make any sense when you think that people who are monogamous are actually the deviant group. I'm familiar with the whole, goofing around on the Internet and "casting down lightning bolts from the higher moral ground" routine . . . That's my thing man, except it's usually regarding some local issue that only about a dozen people care about anyway. Also, politicians, journalists and real estate developers aren't really human.

If you read the page, just remember that none of those guys have done anything illegal and the site is merely the unsubstantiated claims of someone who lied about their identity in order to gain personal information. And here's the important part: Everyone needs to know that there are people lurking on the Internet who want to use the details of your personal life for their profit or entertainment. You don't trust minorities, so it's best to be suspicious of folks on the Net just like you would any person of color applying for a job.

Don't flirt on Craigslist folks . . . You're just gonna get burned one way or another. I know embarrassment is much easier to get over than chlamydia but it's best to pick up whatever you're gonna get from a friendly local bar skank; at least that way you'll be putting money back into the local economy.

Update: When I send photos of my cock out into the world I always use one of my favorite sites, don't bother looking at it. NSFW in the extreme, you may even get fired for thinking about it. Also, those things are plastic but the stereotypes are funny enough and real.

More proof that Larry Johnson might be the ghey

I've tackled this subject before (No homo) Now, let's look at the facts again:

Larry Johnson is a male model.

His touchdown hand sign is rumored to be a gesture of his affinity for Internet phenomenon Goatse.

His nickname is "King Pink." Some claim that it's because he dates white women but no respectable poon hound would let himself be referred to as anything having to do with pink without an argument. Let us not forget Reservoir Dogs in which Mr. Pink eschews his moniker. "Why am I Mr. Pink?" To which the crime boss Joe replies: "Cause you're a faggot, all right?"

Finally, here is the latest bit of proof: Larry "light in the loafers" Johnson is desperately trying to butch up his image by participating in a Poker Tournament for X-Box (Does that mean "formerly of the box?"). Anyway, the title of the event speaks for itself and should clue you into the predilections of KC's overrated running back who is so amazing that the Chiefs have yet to win a game. Here goes:

Go "All In" with Larry Johnson

Ewwww. Yeah, or maybe not but be sure to wear a condom if that's your thing baby. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you could probably do better.

Elect Dirk Swenson

Put a Kansan on the sun.

My pick for the next Kansas City Radio God: Jeff Hirst

See, this is what they should tell all incoming Communication Studies students: Not only is there NO JOB out there waiting for you but if you want to any decent shot at employment in your chosen field, you're gonna have to be willing to subject yourself to some degrading shit . . . Like a contest to be on a local morning show . . . I'm pretty sure that they hold lotteries for employment in third world countries as well so I guess Max & Tanna should get credit for their multiculturalism.

Honestly, I find Max and Tanna the easiest to listen to of all the morning shows on the dial because unlike Mancow or Johnny Dare they don't seem to think they're some kind of icon for talking into a microphone. Really, listen to one of the promo spots for either one of the two guys I mentioned above and you'll probably come to the same conclusion that I have: It's the same kind of stuff that Hitler would have come up with if he had a morning show. I guess that supremacist instinct is hard to shake for white dudes with a modicum of success.

While I think Max & Tanna are okay, I think most morning radio shows in general are pretty lame and for me they only become exciting when one of the hosts slip up and says something completely inappropriate for commercial sponsored radio like "Somebody should clear out those ghettos with shotguns" or "Maybe slavery is the best thing to do with all of these Mexicans" and they inevitably get fired for being interesting and wind up on the conservative end of the dial promoting herbal remedies and the exciting new technology developing in the custom made mattress market.

BUT, it's important to have goals and dreams so this society has something to lead you on by and your significant other knows what areas of your psyche to destroy.

I've loyally listened to Jeff "Venkman" Hirst on the Internet for a couple of years now and don't wanna hear him leave. However, I think the guy is the most qualified local host that Max and Tanna could hope for . . . Not only is Venk a natural for radio, because he has a face for it but he's also one of the more verbally (I was gonna say "orally" - No homo) skilled people in this city with a quick wit and continually funny insights. Really, he anchored The Big Dumb Fun Show nicely and is sure to be the most captivating aspect of whatever program he chooses.

Give Venk a listen and I'm sure you'll agree and vote for him if only to thwart all of those hot ass bitches competing in the contest who strangely don't understand that nobody can see their boobs on the radio.

Raytown approves $33 million plan

You know, the "smarest people" in this story are somehow probably involves a in a one-way ticket to whereever and a perfectly legit table with ruckus. And then I saw him talking to people

Update: Yeah, this post was eaten in Windows Live Writer but it was so funny, I left it up and will continue to do so - After initally not checking it in the first place before I passed out . . . YEAH, you know I was drunk! I call it post modern commentary. Truly I am an artist. Think Jackson Pollock, only with words.

"We Can Indeed Denounce Religious Violence"

A smart post from The Whole Wheat Bagel contrasts the history of Islam and Christianity. And while terrorism is horrible. Sadly, I have to say that Catholic nuns terrorized me much more while growing up.

Another expression for an actor

Bonus points for something more clever than simply closet homo or casual drug user.

Using the phrase "The Best" is now completely meaningless in KC

This is "best of" time of year and the only thing local publications are really celebrating is an opportunity to sell more ads. If you check out the mag, there are tons of photos I'd love to crack on but I'm not willing to part with $3.50 in order to do it.

Captain of my own fate

Yeah, one week later I've downloaded almost every yacht rock classic and it's 1978 all over again in this corner of my mom's basement.

In better news, I think Sheri has coined a new phrase that is marginally related to my hot and spicy chorizo. Ew, that even felt sleazy to write. Here's more proof for the archives.

Finally, I was up very late this morning/whatever having the smoothest flame war I've ever been a part of . . . Yeah, if this keeps up I'm gonna be walking around with a cravat and a martini in about 48 hours.

Preventing future crime, one squirt gun at a time

Let's all hope that the zero tolerance policy of the KCMO School District toward simulated weapons has saved little Tawann Caskey from a life of crime and taught him the inherent danger of a squirt gun.

If only the district had a similarly stringent policy toward an incompetent administration or the insanely high number of Latino dropouts than I would admire their resolve. Sadly, enforcing rules regarding toys is about the only thing they have control over.

I can only hope that someone finds a squirt gun in the possession of the School Board and a few key administrators in order to create a more productive enforcement of the rules at the unsalvagable KC School District.

A TKC Sad Clown moment

You could make fun of these sad local stories but I don't feel like it, the links alone will suffice:

Man charged with molesting girl, 5

KC Firefighters mourn loss

Police officers recovering from crash

A comprehensive history regarding domestic violence - okay that's kind of funny.

Tech N9ne news

The rapper from KC looks busy with a lot of interesting projects whereas most of the tough guy/gangsta rap /whatever hobbyists (read: criminals by trade) in this town are busy doing prison time or serving as worm food due to their antics.

Here's a bit of good news:

Tech N9ne, who has performed in front of more than a half a million people in the last three years, will be touring extensively throughout the next year. He will be appearing with DMX and Bone thugs-n-Harmony on select dates this year and will be headlining other stops. Please visit www.therealtechn9ne.com to see his tour schedule. Several of Tech N9ne's songs are featured in the forthcoming Alpha Dog film, which stars Justin Timberlake and Sharon Stone. Tech N9ne's music appears on the latest edition of the fan favorite Madden NFL video game series. In addition to Tech N9ne's music also appearing in the action video game 25 To Life, Tech N9ne himself also appears as a playable character in the game.

This may be the worst piece of political commentary I've ever read

Please, KCTV5 please for the love of God stick to 30 second stories about pervs and gun violence. A recent column published by the TV station is a tedious piece of "analysis" that mentions the irrelevant political career of Kathleen Sebelius' Dad and then strings out this fact over more than six hundred words. I only linked the story in order to demonstrate the dreadful result when TV News tries to be more thoughtful and analytic.

Horrible Fox4 Beta Webpage

Ugh, this thing is just ugly and not nearly as user friendly as their old page. Too bad they're going the way of every other nasty ass network news site. Nearly as bad as The Pitch redesign.

Getting behind (ew) the arts in Kansas City

I don't have any friends and I don't go to parties but it's nice to know that other people in town engage in high risk behavior with several anonymous partners so I don't have to feel like nothing is getting accomplished. Eh, maybe there's more to do at a seedy West Bottoms club but I kind of doubt it.

Anyway, one of the most productive uses of the Internet is to post local party pics that will at least provide a reference for other dudes to gauge how bad you're lying when you say that you've only dated "a few guys." A recent benefit for Late Night Theater in KC looks like it was a good time if you didn't mind dressing up like a pixie on X.

In conclusion, Velvet Goldmine is probably one of the most mediocre movies ever made so I have no idea why anyone would throw a party in celebration of the film. It's not even "bad," bad that's funny years later like Plan 9 from Outer Space or something along those lines . . . It's just a sad experience like a case of food poisoning or a chipped tooth.

Story of a Sad Dog

I only listen to Disco and Yacht Rock so I don't really have time to keep up with the local music scene. Thank Goodness for Patchchord and this really informative article about a local music promotion group that tirelessly works on behalf of bands comprised almost entirely of white youngsters with too much money.

If Amanda Congdon comes though Kansas City, I hope I get a chance to grope her

Generally, I do not like women in media for any other reason than bikini contests. For the most part (read: nearly always) they are nothing more than failed actresses that weren't good enough in bed to land a decent role.

However, I have followed the career of Amanda Congdon for quite awhile and I can't help but wonder if her roadtrip will lead her through KC . . . If it does, I think she'll probably do something run of the mill like eat at a barbecue joint or visit something having to do with a sports team or maybe shoot some Black guy east of Troost.

Anyway, there is a ton of background on Amanda all over the Internets (Sadly, no nude photos) but I've always had a love/hate relationship with her media presence online if only because she sort of reminds me of an old girlfriend that I never got an opportunity to punch during the standard breakup rituals. But there I go getting all warm, fuzzy and nostalgic when the main point of this post is that I'll be watching this thing loyally because boobs are just as important as blogging but the combination might be the most captivating thing since porn or bum fights.

Classic KCTV5 Quote

I can always count of my favorite news channel for some wisdom as to what motivates crime. In this case it's a gift.

Hear the goodness:

"Brand new in the box"

Via Happy in Bag from the Father shot in Ottawa story.

Don't dwell on it, all housing in KC will soon be condo.

I know that when I envision this city, I think of a town comprised only of people who can afford condos costing no less than a quarter of a million dollars.

Once again KC is featured in the luxury living promoting Dwell magazine. Funny thing is, within walking distance of this sexy ass urban home, there are homeless people living under the bridges with a view that is slightly better if they can lift their head after taking yet another hit of their preferred illicit substance.

Anyway, the feature profiles the work of El Dorado Architects who are working nearly as hard as Mayor Country Club Kay to ensure that this city is out of your price range.

For the record, this kind of elitist magazine hype is exactly why so many of us will be opening (8 buck) champagne when the real estate bubble finally bursts in this town. Word to all the empty lofts and downtown condos - way more than you think.

via MM&I

Should bloggers make death threats?

I'm not big on death threats because they're only funny when they are made against old ladies and toddlers.

This morning's bloggy controversy: Little Miss Chatterbox might have gone a bit to far according to this local blogger.

However, I'm not sure the offending photo indicates the judge that she's referring to so I'm not sure that counts . . . In much the same way, I blame every negative stereotype regarding Latinos on Puerto Ricans.

Anyway, her post is pretty much a standard complaint against activist judges that you might hear from recovering addict Rush or falafel abuser Bill O'Reilly.

Knowing that Little Miss Chatterbox seems to be a nice broad with (obviously) strong beliefs, who has a family, I wouldn't take any supposed threats too seriously.

The only thing married women are good at killing is the spirit, sex drive, soul and self-esteem of married men.

Blogger Backtalk: These posts are smokin'

Lovely local blogger fights the increasing price of lost baggage with the power of the pen

Hope this bad morning for a blogger gets better: "Even though it was windy as fuck out and it seemed to be bringing a lovely smell of garbage to 47th Street, and I had to pass Jerry the Asshole Panhandler twice on my way to and from Kinko's"

"You could be held incommunicado for years." Local blogger describes something far scarier and haunting than a trip to Union Station.

Plaza Art Fair coming up: Where the art of tanning in JoCo and the oils and bases of the Clinique counter will be the most popular work on display.

I'm the kind of asshole that will congratulate kids taking up smoking and adults who are successful in quitting. We all gotta have goals.

"Precisely how did Phill wander away from God?"

Tony's Top Stories: Jesus does the darndest things!

Here's what I'm reading immediately after I slept in, makes me wanna go back to sleep:

Crash: Or at the least the KCPD version of that cheesy movie that doesn't involve racial understanding.

If Jesus can't fix sewers, God help us.

Also, Jesus is asking for about 6.19 million.

Jesus is also in trouble for politicking.

Smokers who are trying to quit do the darndest things!

Today's reason to panic: Drag racing. Much easier problem to fix rather than trying to figure out what happened to the manufacturing base or the drug war.

Today's reason to be slightly depressed (and maybe visit your lonely ass Grandma): Senior Suicide.

Today's reason to laugh: The term "Women Scientists" is used in this article. I did not know that blowjobs and cooking were now being called science.

Council considers recycling computers as well as ideas.

$10 million for Kansas PR that everyone ignores.

Local improv that will probably make you want to watch TV.

Blunt and Antitrust . . . Or, show me irony.

Note: Now if we could get people to start snitching BEFORE they face double murder charges that would be cool!

Hey there! You knew you were living in a cowtown. Reason no. 3,458

Tractor-Trailer Hauling Hay Catches Fire On I-435

More Airshow Photos

Good stuff, could also be titled: "This is what KC would look like if it was ever under attack" Nice shots of planes circling downtown far more majestically than Mayor Kay manages to do on her broomstick.

I guess we're all searching for something

A Columbia newspaper reports that FBI agents searched the home of a Columbia businessman and former Iraqi who has been an outspoken critic of the war in Iraq.

This means one of two things: Either You're not allowed to be critical in Columbia, MO

OR

The terrorists (i.e. Arabs) are getting really desperate for targets given that the closest thing to a high value, media attention grabbing target in Columbia, MO might be the Dairy Queen.

Anyway, the guy seems pretty harmless but you never can tell, seeing as how Saddam was a HUGE threat and he used to be drinking buddies with GW Bush.

About a dozen FBI vehicles parked this morning in front of the home of Shakir Hamoodi, 54, at 2701 Woodberry Court, in the upscale The Pines neighborhood in southwest Columbia, neighbors said . . . Hamoodi owns World Harvest International and Gourmet Foods on Nifong Boulevard. County records show he owns the Woodberry Court home with Lamya Najem, 40, who a neighbor said teaches at the Islamic School of Columbia Missouri.

Jeff Lanza, a spokesman for the FBI in Kansas City, would not say what prompted the raid, but he said the home was not a threat to the community.

Actually, that's pretty scary if there is any threat at all . . . Death by gourmet food seems like a horrible fate and nearly as expensive as getting something to eat at Kauffman Stadium.

Town Topics: The places you'll go

KC Crackhead makes it all the way out to Sioux Falls.

Yet another dick Willies now in business and banking on Downtown Development.

Bodies Of 3 Children Recovered From Fatal Fire

Horrible Mental image of the day: Sebelius on top.

Cruel but good advice: You're better off not donating to anybody but your beer fund.

Cash bond for punching a woman in the face and then shooting into a crowd: $250,000. Realizing that acting hard in front of your buddies isn't that impressive in jail: Priceless.

KC's Youth Commission has low (read: No) turnout and therefore extends its deadline. Politics will never be as interesting as X-box.

A crash in Oklahoma claimed the life of a Kansas City firefighter and his son.

More spying in Sugar Creek

Hispanic Heritage Month 2006 - Learn about your busboy!

Kansas International Film Festival seems to be completely ghey

Coffin Nail Tax under consideration

KCMO Woman Brutally Attacked By Dogs

Talking Trash

There seems to be a little fallout from the recent Northeast Kansas City Fall Festival. While the Festival was touted as a "green" event - whatever that means . . . Complaints from nearby residents have not only fallen on deaf ears but also earned some pretty harsh responses.

Here's an excerpt of an e-mail complaining about the cleanup efforts after the festival:

Actually, the park was left in very poor shape and you should be ashamed of yourself and everyone else involved. Perhaps your organization could utilize the extensive contacts you have in the business community to lobby neighborhood association or city to SHAPE up our parks without cost to the ones who've destroyed it? You make me ill.

Now here's the response:

You ARE ill, very, very ill but not because of the Fall Festival.

I suggest you get professional mental help and move if you are so dissatisfied with the area.

Nobody needs a neighbor like you bashing the efforts of those working to improve the community. You ARE a part of the problem.

I refuse to continue any correspondence with an anonymous writer. Without your legal name and address you have absolutely NO credibility in your comments. I have been patient, truthful and accurate in my answers to your questions and comments. Henceforth I am putting your address in my SPAM file.

Any further letters from you or alias will be forwarded to the police department.

Nice! And probably just a small sample of why so few people get involved in neighborhood politics, activism or improvement no matter which way you look at it.

And I thought it was something dirty

I don't get a lot of comments but I get a ton of spam and e-mails. Strange stuff too and some interesting things. Recently, a subject line noting something about "Decoupage in Kansas City" caught my attention only because I had no idea what in the hell Decoupage entailed.

Turns out is has nothing to do with naked white women . . . Of course, that kind of takes the fun out of it but I guess it might still hold the interest of a few of you if only as another example of the many weird things that people in KC are up to . . .

Here's what seems to be the local hub for all things Decoupage and a few cooking tips as well: Durwin Rice.com

Enjoy . . . However, I think the phrase "Happy Cutting" could be misconstrued on this blog and I'm only concerned with helping women to watch their weight and nothing having to do with self-mutilation . . . At least nothing more than the mutilation that happens to women's feet when the they wear high heels to often, but obviously sometimes sacrifices have to be made.

"Inside Kemper, security personnel looked the other way as Tool fans lit up."

Apparently, Kemper's new management kicks ass and knows how to run a decent event according to this local blogger. I think that any local event is better if you can light up in the middle of it. Being able to get crunked would certainly make City Council meetings even more entertaining because then you wouldn't even have to wonder if they were high when they spoke.

What you'll hear from pouty Chiefs fans today: "NFL's Overtime Rule Needs to Change"

I like Dan but I have to disagree. All of the local sports fans are discussing the high percentage of overtime games won in the first possession in the same way that they whined about Robert Geathers putting a perfectly clean hit (read: hurting) on the NFL's biggest Bush cheerleader but that's only because they didn't get that home town pass interference call that the Chiefs usually need to win any close game.

Also, I think you'll find that the high percentage of overtime games won on the first possession is probably akin to the same advantage that a team garners by having a decent front office that doesn't simply hire old cronies to fill important coaching jobs.

The Herman Edwards Firing Watch begins today.

So you stoners can eat late at night

Cancun Fiesta Fresh has a great location and some pretty decent food according to this local anarchist. I'm sure that the place is pretty decent if you can dine there not only to plot the next revolution but also dine with drunk chicks.

Exchange Rate

Rich and politically connected Arab students come to KC in order to challenge stereotypes . . . Like the one in which lower income (read: angry) white people believe that it's only American minorities and affirmative action that keeps their poor ass kids from getting a decent education.

Larry and the Losers

Jake Plummer's pitiful performance was enough to get past one of the most mediocre KC squads in recent memory. The Chiefs lose in what was deemed a "defensive showdown" or should have been more aptly called "if the colder weather and cloudy skies didn't put you to sleep, then this will surely do the trick."

Really, unless the Chiefs are setting out to cure insomnia this season, I doubt they're going to have success at all.

Local Links: Race, Class and Gunshots

Local drag racing proves lethal or at least just as ill-advised as snitching on the Eastside.

Grandview Police Investigate Fatal Shooting

Baby Come Back: Few Clues In Abduction Of Newborn

At Least Two Dead in Lawrence House Fire, Three Missing

Woman Slashes Mother's Throat, Takes Baby - assailant says "I'm here to take your child,"

As always, people can't stop talking about KC's hot real estate market: Apartment building catches fire

Blogger Backtalk: Around the world

Interview with Mac Tonnies - Local author, futurist, genius and blogger.

Ben Meade and the local Irish publicity machine

See, this is why people don't like 'art'. . . . A great local example.

Blogging another one of Baby Blunt's Blunders: "His spokesman, Spence Jackson, added that any time spent on a non-discrimination policy protecting gays and lesbians is "too much time." No, I'm not making that up. He really said that."

From a local blogger regarding Pope Benedict XVI and his big mouth: "Oh, Just Shut The Fuck Up"- Probably the best commentary written on the subject in this city.

Organic Food Will Kill You - Yet another example of why no one should ever listen to salad eating hippies.

Blue Angels on my block

I didn't go to the airshow today, I have really great memories of seeing similar events with my family as a kid and I doubt any thing I attended now would live up to my expectations; in very much the same manner that most former lovers seem ugly.

Anyway, on the Westside of Kansas City today the jets roared over head and nearly everyone came out of their house to see the planes fly past so amazingly close.



If you live anywhere near the event, you know that your furniture and everything including your chest cavity shakes when one of these things gets close.



These planes exude power with their every movement. I'm not one of those pantywaists who think that these kind of events are a waste of taxpayer resources, because not only do I enjoy watching these magnificent planes roar past but also they are such an abounding image for interpretation.



It's impossible not to feel at least a little patriotic watching the planes fly past. But you can't help feeling small as well. While these photos may not reflect how close the planes come to the Westside, if you're ever around you can almost (literally) see the pilots in the cockpit. And even a cursory understanding of current events leads an onlooker to think of those people in other parts of the world where watching planes like these isn't such a welcoming, comforting or joyous experience.



At least on some small level, the technological supremacy these planes convey should make everyone who sees them understand that above else this country is powerful in every sense of the word. Of course that power comes with responsibility but again, as these planes speed past it makes me wonder if any one person, let alone a neighborhood full of lower income first and second generation Americans could ever demonstrate as much greatness as these machines radiate in a single pass. During the immigrant rights protests of the Spring a B-52 bomber flew overhead, KMBZ radio took note and several people in the crowd looked upward. I don't know if that was intentional or just a coincidence but it made me think that protests, politics and all kinds of persuasion can be powerful forms of communication but in this world nobody really takes notice until violence or the threat of it is clearly demonstrated. That's not a nice thought but it's one that keeps recurring throughout history.

After awhile the noise of the jet engines begins to quiet. The people around the neighborhood turn their eyes away from the sky and walk back into their houses, back to their lives.

Party Cove Pimps Backlash

I was really surprised to read all of the haters responding to the recent Pitch article about the amateur porn at Party Cove. I thought it was the best thing the Pitch has published in about 6 months, the racy shot on the cover was nice as well. The writer's voice really came through in the story and it seemed like more than just an average rundown of all the debauchery.

Gonzales in KC

He uphold the Rumsfeld line on torture. In unrelated and old news, he still fails to mention that his grandparents were mojados.

For once it's an Italian suspect rather than a Latino in a brutal OP attack

Yesterday's brutal attack in a JoCo park isn't funny considering channel 9 reports that: A man approached the woman in the parking lot of Roe Park on Thursday morning. He pulled a knife on her and forced her into the woods, where he assaulted and robbed her, then left her there bleeding and injured, police said.

However, the description is out of the ordinary, investigators said the attacker was described as a white man of Italian descent and is between 25 and 30 years old. Considering that both Italians and Latinos are stereotypically shorter, with a darker complexion, black hair and way too much attitude . . . I can only suspect that the giveaway to his alleged Italian decent was that he told her to "fughetaboudit" or drove off in an IROC. The story doesn't contain those key details so it's best not to trust any Italian people in the interim. Word to Henry Rizzo.

MU skank student proves she hasn't learned much about the real world

An 18 year-old (read: legal) student at MU says she didn't know a bikini photo shoot was going to get so sleazy. One of the broads on the shoot tried to contact the AG's office. I can only wonder if the broad's parents wouldn't be less embarrassed by some nudity rather than news stories about the gullibility of their daughters.

7-Year-Old injured in shooting last night

Hope everybody can still congratulate themselves over the (slightly lower) homicide rate this year.

When are they gonna come up with a jedi lightsaber club in KC?

I need new people to rob.

Blogger Backtalk: Flying High

This local blogger reports airplanes right outside her window. I experienced the same thing yesterday, I guess that's what it feels like to be Arab. I didn't have any pita bread to make the experience complete.

Don't be a pussy, let the KC Kitty tell you what to do this weekend.

October Back Pages from Parrish

A common KC observation: "Oh, I have JO plates, the signs do not apply to me"

"Let's see. 317 square miles and 3 people."

This local blogger (and the only hope I can see as far as the KC City Council is concerned) takes apart the latest pit bull and pit bull mix dogs ordinance that is the latest unworkable solution set down from the 24th floor.

Subway ad is almost as horrible as their food

The local ad chick takes the worst sub shop in the history of the universe to task. Have I mentioned how much I like the blog of the local ad chick? She's pretty smart and unlike most (read: almost all) women that I've met in PR and Advertising, she seems like she's useful as something more than just a cock holder for partners and account executives.

Irish Fest Photo Gallery

Son of a bitch, "these people" are more persistent with their promotion than the IRA. Still, some pretty good photos of KC's Irish Community (i.e. Irish as in ethnicity and not just drunk people). Via Irish Fest Blog.

Dumb questions you must endure at a family reunion

Lovely local blogger Sheri doesn't suffer fools, except me.

It's unconstitutional to keep your grandparents from voting

Missouri voter ID law struck down

This weekend from The Event Driver

Links to Tool, Nickleback, Power & Light Band, O'Dowd's, 75th Street Brewery, Barley's Brewhaus and more . . .

Consequences and repercussions

A big shout out to "quantelo" for sending this story my way, it's a tad old but only because I missed it when it was first published. It's okay though, everyone has pretty much forgotten about the consequences of voting for the this ripoff and have instead focused on how horrible the Chiefs are going to be this season.

Agroterrorism conference in Kansas City

The FBI and Joint Terrorism Task force are soon to host a conference in Kansas City, Missouri on the topic of protecting the food supply.

Normally, I throw salt on everything related to anti-terrorism propaganda but I actually think the subject of food tampering is an often overlooked aspect of Homeland Security given that I'm ulta paranoid about where I eat. In fact, last night I had a really good dinner especially because the person I ate with told me that the establishment had a really good rating from the Health Department.

But here's a thought that I'm sure won't be addressed by anyone at the conference: If so-called "illegals" are such a threat to national security then how come the U.S. has (fortunately) avoided any kind of deadly attack in the food supply given the fact that the agriculture industry is completely dependent upon undocumented immigrant workers?

Put simply, Mexicans aren't so bad when you realize that they're an integral part of the process of you getting fed.

On a much more far fetched and freaky note, hot ass Boing Boing Blogger Xeni says that the conference is really about "genetically modified foods rising up to eat their masters." And while I'm no fan of conspiracy cabrones, I have to say that the threat from Killer Tomatoes is far greater than all of the hype regarding reconquista and fear based ranting against Mexicans.

Reading the Pitch encourages stupidity

The Pitch loves to patronize Black people as they refer to linebacker Derrick "No pass coverage" Johnson as "a horse of a man" (No homo?) and they admire his grill but then fail to mention that MTV Cribs features homes of the stars which rarely, if ever, house any books. Seriously, these people can afford 60 inch, flat screen TV's but not a discount card for Barnes and Noble?

Still, while I give the Pitch a lot of poop, this article about group sex and embattled Councilwoman Saundra McFadden-Weaver is top notch even if it was printed back when the Twin Towers were still standing.

The Star is simply printing press releases now

This headline is pretty much straight from the desk of Country Club Kay:

KC hits minority hiring targets

Below is evidence to the contrary, which should provide one of many reasons why living in a one newspaper town puts you at a disadvantage as far as facts are concerned. The Star is heavily invested in the downtown construction boom, so obviously they have a motive to lead the (inaccurate) cheers no matter what kind of crusty old data and self reporting (unverified) scams they must publish in order to do so.

Check it:

Minority contractors object on arena work share

Hispanic contractors sue KC for Block HQ project

Hispanic group protests ordinance on Sprint Center

As for construction companies owned by women, that's just funny and obviously nothing more than a front in order to garner even better (read: fake) numbers.

TKC Declares: Today is infidelity day in Kansas City

Now this is just awesome, reminds me of one of my favorite tunes from back in the day (i.e. seven years ago) . . . Do you remember where you were when you heard "Rest in Piss" by the infamous Brother Lynch Hung? I do and I thought that beatdowns involving urine were only the confined to the grand mythology of hip-hop. No so, if an altercation involving yet another local love triangle is any indication:

A woman allegedly assaulted and urinated on her occasional roommate because of the roommate's purported indiscretions with the accused's boyfriend. While the victim was on the floor, the assailant allegedly urinated on the woman's neck and back before the two suspects forced her to shave her head. The victim told police she suffered a broken nose, a black eye and a right-arm fracture.

Frankly, while I've always thought that catfights were hot, this totally ruins my conceptions of how a real world babe brawl would go down. Pee just doesn't come into the mix (ewww) regarding my thoughts about women fighting. Sadly, the article doesn't note any instances of pillow fights, BJ contests or hot oil wrestling.

A list of the latest promotions at City Hall don't include any Latino names

This list is pretty representative of KC's under representation of Latinos at City Hall.

Yeah, TKC readers are ahead of the game in all respects

I hope that you read this blog because you want to know what's "really" going on in this town. If not, you're probably related to me, one of my ex-girlfriends who secretly wants me to die a horrible death with the footage recorded on YouTube or (most likely) you are unemployed or hate your job and looking for a distraction.

ANYWAY, because I AM THE ULTIMATE ARBITER OF COOL SHIT IN KANSAS CITY (sucks to THE PITCH . . . Not really, the job doesn't pay) I'm glad that I was one of the first people to bring you the news regarding K City and I kept it in the sidebar for your perusal.

Turns out that the kick ass comic strip was recently picked up by The Star and it appears today in the Preview Section, where it should remain for about a month.

This is good news for all of your bloggers because artist Bruno Pieroni put up his creation in a blog format, so it shows that at least on some level the MSM is aware of what's happening in the local blogosphere (no matter how much the pretend to ignore this site) and . . . In the end, talent and creativity almost always win out . . . Unless your a brown person.

So, go look for the comic, drop by Bruno's place and wish him well and keep reading this blog in order to stay months ahead of the local media as far as trends in this city are concerned.

Bigger Beer

Tonight, Boulevard Brewing Company will dedicate its new 25 million dollar facility at its brewery on 25th and Southwest Boulevard.

If only the rest of the development on the Westside could follow this example: If you're gonna move in, you better have beer . . . And not just fruity ass stucco condos.

Hatchet Job

For the record, you can never trust white women. That's why it's best to keep them occupied working mid-level management jobs, pregnant or worried about their weight.

Also, in this day and age it's silly to get too upset over losing one white gal when odds are that if you've managed to bag one then like the metro, another one will be along in 15 minutes . . . If you aren't brutally attacked and beaten in the interim.

Just take a look on myspace and you'll see so many vapid broads that are nearly as disposable as condoms . . . Can you flush a tube top?

Anyway, recently a local dude forgot that we're all replaceable and on the verge of being downsized or outsourced and subsequently got into a serious beef over his girlfriend involving a hatchet.

Thankfully, nobody was killed and the perpetrator will likely meet a variety of quality broads in anger management classes.

Republican District ready to be handed over to Dennis Moore again

I have no idea why they keep on running candidates who would do better on Talk Radio.

KC's Hockey future rests on a possible Penguins sale

Hockey in KC writes of one of the front runners: "Does this Canadian have any interest in owning a team and placing them in KC?"

Is Phil Kline soliciting Cash from people who contact the AG's office?

A Republican incumbent is seemingly getting desperate, expect to see this more frequently.

"Believe the hype. Malay Cafe is yummy."

Some pretty appetizing photos.

Yacht Rock

Via Dallas

I did not know the term to describe the kind of rock that had an irrevocable influence over my formative years but at last I can now describe it as Yacht Rock.

Mind you, I was about 5 years old when all of these songs came out but through the magic (and majesty of AM radio) I listened to these tunes throughout my younger days, mostly accompanying my tia Theresa to aerobics class when she got stuck with me for the weekend. Factoid: Did you know that all aerobics in the 1980's was set to the tune of Yacht Rock? Word to Toto.

Here is my favorite chapter of the history of Yacht Rock, "The Back Alley Songwriting duel of 1978" Money line: "Get your dick out of your heart!" Check it:



Here are some links to the history lessons regarding Yacht Rock with some brief description by me:

What a Fool Believes - "You're a sentimental fool, Kenny!"

I'm Alright - The ascendancy of Kenny Loggins

Rossana - The song written to get in the pants of Rossana Arquette.

I believe in it - "I will do anything for smooth music"

I keep forgetting - An important wager between Kenny Loggins and Michael MacDonald. The secret story behind Warren G's "Regulate." Best (ghey) intro and probably the best overall episode . . . A must see if only to watch a rapper claim "I'm not a rapper, I'm a punk ass!"

Finally, this post has nothing to do with Kansas City other than the fact that they still play this music in every dentist's office in town.

Crosstown Traffic

One of my favorite local bloggers reports on the horrible traffic situation around the Plaza with a bit more enthusiasm and a lot more perspective than somebody in a helicopter hundreds of feet above it all:

I just don't understand how it could be so poorly executed is the thing. I certainly hope they don't do this sort of re-paving deal every goddamned year, because dealing with Christmas traffic on the Plaza is enough, IMO. I don't need annual end-of-summer re-paving bullshit to go with it! FUCK!!

I guess the city is trying to get everything straightened out before the Plaza Art Fair in what is yet another example of KC taking care of our JoCo interlopersguests far before having any consideration for the locals.

"The Irish Soldiers of Mexico"

The title of this post by IrishKC had my click in a nanosecond. Really good stuff from this area's leading source of information for all things (even remotely) Irish.

Construction boom a bust for minorities in KC

The stats are old and untimely . . . All the lucrative contracts have been awarded . . . Now it's just a question of handing out scraps for good PR. Of course there is gonna be a lot of celebration over the 25 percent involvement number while everyone neglects to mention the incomplete reporting rate and the fact that these companies are self reporting and accountable to no one . . . Very much like Steve Glorioso.

Students seek out alternatives while anyone who still has hope for the KCMO school district is living in an alternate universe

The percentage of Kansas City students attending charter schools is among the highest in the nation.

Scaly, reptile at Loch Lloyd

There is also an alligator at the country club.

Still, while I really don't care for country club folks . . . I don't dislike everyone who plays golf:

Think: The lives of students are somewhat dependent on campus security

I've talked to many of these guys. For the most part, they're cool and all (at least if you're not an African-American student) but I don't know if they're equipped to handle college kids going postal when they seem to have their hands full whenever a frat boy gets drunk or an Arab student has an exceptionally full book bag (nullus).

Minutemen movement is mostly made up

Here's the thing, all you have to do is look around the mall or the kitchen of a restaurant to learn that there are an ass load of Mexicans in this country, most of whom are no better or worse then most people (only much shorter). But in order to gauge the progress of the minute (read: small) men you need to have cable TV and be able to endure Lou Dobbs for more than 30 minutes. It turns out the border patrol "movement" has been largely manufactured for media consumption by a group of angry white guys who are somehow really good at public relations.

A report from the Missouri Immigrant Action Network gives an alternative perspective that doesn't take the word of racist white guys as gospel truth - I know it's probably a biased source as well but that's why you read blogs . . . To decide for yourself.

Fifteen journalists reported the Minuteman Project had signed up "at least 1,000 volunteers." The Inland Valley Daily Bulletin ran a March 23, 2005, article headlined "2,000 volunteers expected for Minuteman Project."

Vastly fewer actually showed up. During the first week of the project, The New York Times, the Houston Chronicle, the Chicago Tribune, and the Los Angeles Times all reported "between 100 and 200" volunteers (an Intelligence Report story estimated fewer than 150). Even Jerry Seper of The Washington Times, the Minuteman Project's most prolific cheerleader, reported just 100 volunteers in his April 3 article, "Border-vigil Volunteers Big in Spirit, Not Number."

The majority of those volunteers went home after the first weekend, and while others trickled in over the course of the month-long operation, the Minuteman Project never came close to matching its opening strength. "Yet, mysteriously, by the end of the month the Minutemen were claiming they had 857 volunteers," the ACLU study reports. Journalists reporting from their desks in faraway cities failed to challenge the increasingly outrageous claims of the project's organizers, often publicizing their numbers as simple fact, without attribution.

Here is the report in its entirety.

To be fair, a recent immigrant rally in D.C. didn't live up to expectations.

So it's clear and somewhat heartening that people would rather do anything but protest and be a general pain in the ass. Most people are looking for more leisure time and not a revolution . . . And that's one of the many reasons that so many people don't vote or get turned off by politics. Still, most of the MSM news agencies in town still unquestioningly report the local minute men PR rallies as gospel truth and misrepresent every Latino in this town as some kind of Commie activist . . . When, in fact, most people just want to earn a decent living, make a better future for their kids and possibly find a good looking white woman to make them chicken pot pies.

Oye vey! Show me the baby juice

The Buzz blog reports that Missouri's Jewish community is united in support of the stem cell initiative. I guess it's kinda cool that "Jewish leaders have made clear that Jewish tradition places a higher value on alleviating human suffering than protecting stem cells in the laboratory." It's too nice of a day to make any anti-Semitic jokes so I'll simply direct you to the latest and greatest beef to ever take place in the hip-hop blogosphere between Missouri's best and some underground rapper from Chicago - the post contains your daily allowance of ethnic and religious humor.

Note: The stem cell thing from the Jewish leaders actually stuns me given that my Catholic upbringing teaches me that it's better to starve, get an STD, have 9 babies, die a painful agonizing death rather than mercifully end it before becoming nothing more than a crap factory rather than breaking one of the Church's arbitrary rules offending God.

Royal slapfight

It's good to learn that the Royals have finally realized that they are their own worst enemy and consequently have started to beat the shit out of each other.

After striking out Ryan Garko with two runners on to end the third inning, Hernandez (6-9) jogged to the dugout, pointed at Buck and began yelling. The players charged each other and began throwing punches before being separated by teammates and coaches.

Sadly, this was a baseball sissy fight and it happened in Seattle so it doesn't really count as KC violence but the ball players have obviously taken a page from local politicos: Hernandez is completely denying the incident and Buck won't comment . . . Nice, the City Council and Mayor C.C. Kay pretty much did the same thing last year when the murder rate spiked.

Waiting for the dust to settle

Turns out the feds are investigating Saundra McFadden-Weaver.

And the Municipal Officials Ethics Commission is shaking off the dust from a TEN YEAR HIATUS in order to conduct a hearing of the 3rd District Councilwoman.

The whole thing is like a tear jerker, a crime thriller and one of those shitty "Barbershop" type Black movies rolled into one.

I'll be getting some popcorn and awaiting the outcome of this drama that attempts to blame all of the wrongs of the Country Club Kay Barnes era on some heavyset Black woman.

Thinking . . . Not only would the heavier version of Oprah be great for the remake of this thing, but also I think that Winfrey would love to pack on the pounds in order to get in touch with the role ala Deniro in Raging Bull. Note: My brother and I act out the breakfast/fight scene every time we see each other and take turns playing the part of Joe Pesci.

TKC Headlines: Drink it up

Teacher gets unwanted sports drink and "pain in her arms and heart palpitations" whereas student gets probation and practice for future date rapes.

Write the soldiers, they're much more interesting than your grandmother.

Suspicious white powder in the Northland that hasn't already been ingested by that part of town's numerous yet clandestine drug users - i.e. white people.

Posing as an electrician and trying to rape someone is a lot worse (and harder) than simply using the same disguise to rob them . . . They're probably accustomed to it.

No payday loan for you grandpa, but I'll trade my applesauce for your meds.

Do local Dollar Stores actually sell anything or are they just there to get robbed?

A new sign on Redbridge other than the funny ones posted by pissed off neighbors. Chuck Eddy kills our homes, natch!

It's a vicious circle, construction companies rip off KC and then the other way around.

Little Rizzo fails to thug his way into office

I have a theory that once the general public becomes widely aware of something, it has already begun its downward slide. This is true of bands, athletes, fashions and blogs. Luckily, it seems that the same principle holds true with La Cosa Nostra given that The Godfather, Goodfellas and The Sopranos are now more widely knows as integral parts of the cultural lexicon rather than representations of any authentic versions of reality . . . Very much like a Three 6 Mafia video.

The upshot of the demise of "our thing" in KC means that we're no longer obligated to suffer under the reign of Italian-American politicians. Word to Giuliani. The ward bosses have been replaced with Pat Gray, Steve Glorioso, big money donors and misleading TV commercials.

Thusly, I think it's good news that JJ Rizzo failed to pull of his "Bush 2000 style coup" against Missouri Rep. John Burnett.

Sadly, The Pitch wrote the cutesy Italian guy a love letter before the election but failed to mention the guy's ugly family history. Obviously, good looks weren't enough to get into office. For the record: Connected > Cute.

And that's a big "pissed off tiger in a Siegfried and Roy show" no homo for noticing a dude's looks.

No homo tally for today: 7 and counting. Record: 28.

KC celebrates America's first promient ghey couple

The Star reports that two descendants of explorer William Clark are expected back in Kansas City this week.

They are doing some kind of fruity ass reenactment circle jerk that fails to mention that the pair not only beat the hell out of their slave on the way back from the pacific coast but also that hiking across the wilderness with some other dude is kind of the ghey.

I don't know (or care) what other people think about Lewis and Clark but I'm surprised that there are a few folks who consider the Brokeback couple to be heroes rather than regarding them as ghey thieves who were the first ambassadors for an endeavor that would end in an epic land grab and genocide for all of the brown folk that might have been better off turning them in the other direction (no homo).

Survey says: People of KC don't care about anything but themselves

They say that polling data is useless (no homo) but I didn't know that speeders were the biggest crime threat facing Kansas City according to citizens who weren't smart enough to get out of taking a poll (no homo?).

Sure, I guess speeders could kill you and your family but odds are you're all in your car and speeding to where you're going as well.

Clearly, this new information is a mandate for public officials to put even more traffic cops on the street and demand more impromptu taxes fines from motorists.

Or better yet . . . This is what old ladies worry about and they are the only people who would take the time to answer the inane questions that comprise most of these types of surveys. I can't say that I blame them, I'd start talking to any random person who called me if I was 80 years old, locked in my house and my kids didn't visit. Burglary and violent crime ranked next on the list but I'm surprised that telemarketing scams and door to door salesmen didn't place higher . . . Also, I'm sure that seeing dead relatives who invited you closer to the light might also rate some concern.

As usual, the annual Eastside death toll or any of the construction company corruption and graft that goes on in this town didn't get much thought but it's good to know that issues like trash pick up and illegally parked cars are a top priority as the people of this town prove that the city beyond their block is of little concern.

Campus Insecurity

Here's yet another valuable learning experience that UMKC offers its students: When walking to your car on the commuter campus you'll quickly realize that PR citing all of the good news emanating from the university is nice but it doesn't really matter much when confronted by a guy holding a rifle and demanding your money.

Secondly . . . Who robs somebody with a rifle nowadays? This is nearly as bad as being "axed" a question . . . Which could be the next campus incident since very few people in the administration like talking about security in the context of an urban campus that so closely borders KC's summertime war zone.

"Kline is beat."

He can't afford TV spots. While Paul Morrison already has his TV campaign up on the web. Some Republicans need to stop worrying about the medical records of little girls and start investigating YouTube - where $130 and a teenage broad with a crew of film geeks can garner millions of viewers.

"I promise not to make ridiculous promises."

That's the most promising thing I've heard from a political candidate in years.

Update: Check out this other great money quote from Mark concerning Crossroads parking: "Hopefully our leadership is beginning to see that 1950's policies might not make sense in 2006."

Online support

Local blogger Pomegranate Pretty has been documenting the long illness of her father with her blog. Like all of her posts, her insights regarding the experience have been brilliant, tragic, insightful and witty. Yesterday with one short and concise entry she informed her readers that her dad had passed away. Other bloggers, friends and readers have already expressed their sympathy and a few have urged you to pass along your condolences as well.

KC goes crazy over cell phones or This city has a lot of violent hang ups

So an argument over a cell phone turned deadly over the weekend and the reminds me of the guy who allegedly shoved his phone down the throat of his girlfriend earlier this year . . . Obviously, people in this town have some kind of issue with cell phones and violence and I can only imagine that it's gonna get worse now that they've started handing those stupid things to babies.

I'm not very interested in KC lately

The blog has been hurting since I've had computer problems but it's not because I'm not looking for good stuff, there just hasn't been much that's interested me lately about this city and our mediocre sports teams. (Note: I did get a great link from quantelo and I'm working on a post for later)

Rather than fake it, I figure it's just better to throw up fewer posts. Personally, I blame local female TV reporters (read: two levels removed from waitresses) but things may pick up still . . . Scumbags who use tired old phrases say that only boring people are bored and I have to admit that I've been putting a lot more effort into more productive aspects of my writing lately so it's not like I haven't had other things to concentrate on . . . I think I might take a nap and start off with a clean slate later in the day or maybe not. The great thing about this blog is that I can pick it up where I left off with no problem . . . Very much like most TV dramas that usually involve white people in some kind of peril.

On a personal note, Fall is my favorite time of year if only because it means better TV shows and more stories about the ongoing drama involving the KC School District, misguided notions about its renaissance and maybe a few more related arson stories.

Also, the thing I'm really looking forward to this season is reading Joe's book while intermittently looking up to watch the Chiefs lose on TV.

Neil's Finance Plaza pays for bad taste and odometer fraud.

I've never owned a new car and I alw