The KCPD aren't exactly pro-life

If I was a better writer I would compose a long, eloquent diatribe about how a recent story regarding a woman from Sudan miscarrying her baby after she repeatedly asked for medical assistance during a police stop and officers refused to listen to her is A PERFECT EXAMPLE of how the KCPD has failed to listen to the minority community in this town and that's why they haven't received much cooperation in solving or preventing the regular spate of murders on the Eastside.

However, in a remarkable story reported by Tess Koppelman on Fox News 4 . . . The dash camera video pretty much speaks for itself and Koppelman reports that the woman asked for help more than a dozen times on her way to jail where her pleas remained unanswered. I'm not going to even attribute the quotes from the video because the random sound bytes clearly tell a story that is all too familiar for anybody who has ever been guilty of driving while Black, brown or poor.

Here is what I heard:

"I have a problem, I'm bleeding and I want to go to a hospital."

"She says she's bleeding"

"I want to go to the hospital"

"I have a baby in my stomach and I'm bleeding"

"How is that my problem?"

"Do you see? Do you see the blood?"

"It's called a menstrual cycle. I understand because I am a woman."

"I want to go to the hospital."

"Well that can be something you can take care of when we get done with you."

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"Don't cop an attitude with me"

"Stop moving. Spread your feet apart."

"She's trying to be a slick one."

Honestly, it's been a long time (high school maybe) since I've seen two people care less about a person's fate then in this video. And it should be noted that Sophia Salva probably did have fake tags and she also had warrants for her arrest but neither of those facts granted the officers permission to deny her basic human rights and medical care . . . You have to be an insurance company to do that.

And while previously, the KCPD neglecting to provide medical attention to a dying man after Tasering him repeatedly earned harsh, stoic calls from law and order types basically contending that because the man had drugs in his system, he deserved to die . . . That same kind of cavalier attitude doesn't really hold up when it's a pregnant woman under discussion . . . While the principals are basically the same, the reality is nobody is silly enough to believe that we're all equal under the law and it's also not worth pointing out that it's doubtful this same kind of situation would have taken place if it was a half way decent looking white woman begging for help.

I have no idea what the aftermath of this story might be . . . But clearly this is evidence that KCPD's lack of effort to reach out and listen to the minority community (read: The Black Community and not its mostly corrupt representatives) in Kansas City has manifested itself in every facet of the department and that negligence has resulted in not only little cooperation in order to prevent crime but also, tragically in this instance, a dead baby.

Sources:

Woman Blames Miscarriage On Mistreatment From Police

Wrongful death suit against KCPD

Police ignored woman's pleas

Have Mercy

A local nurse and blogger shares her thoughts about Barbaro but she's also honest enough to share a sad truth about the healthcare industry: Money rules medicine. You don't normally hear that kind of insight and wisdom from a nurse unless it's late at night, nobody is around, you've been taking up a bed for way too long and suddenly you realize that she isn't in your room so late at night to simply fluff your pillows.

Man on Fire

In what has to be the worst timing EVER for a cigarette break, yesterday a guy in Lee's Summit spilled gas all over himself and then lit a smoke. Luckily, some bystanders helped to put out the guy after he burst into flames. Surprisingly, the guy is still alive and will recover if they don't put him into an oxygen tent.

Hide your TIF away

Giving his colleagues time to prepare or simply take cover Chuck Eddy recently postponed the release of the TIF audit in much the same way he has used stalling tactics on Red Bridge Road, his diet, answering questions as to why smoking is okay at the Casinos but not for small businesses and a whole slew of other topics. Honestly, I didn't know why the phrase "ANYBODY BUT EDDY" was growing so popular around this town, but now I'm starting to see why.

Be careful who you cut out

Excluding an African-American bowler leads to an overturned murder conviction in Kansas City. Also, I think if you didn't do your best to welcome a Black Bowler (not the hat) you might also miss out on some of the regurgitated and borrowed bits (read: stand up routine) from Paul Mooney about how cool it is to see a Big Black Ball slamming the tall, skinny white pins into submission until they disappear.

Blogger Backtalk: Chill

Unholy Moses on the Blunt Bunch: "It appears as though a disdain for poor people is hardcoded into the family’s DNA."

A story of a nice night out: At the American Jazz Museum

Song of the day, "Baby it's cold outside," here is the accompanying post: Kansas City is going through its annual dose of genuine winter

LMC is keeping up with Claire as she blogs that one of Claire McCaskill's cronies has been indicted on credit card fraud charges.

America's New Iron Curtain: Nearly as tough on immigrants as it is on your civil liberties.

Personally, I'd like to "lay hands" on a few willing lesbian broads and try to convert something

I recently read a post by Blogger Kansas Bob as he reprinted an article he claims was published in The Star (I don't remember it) about the power of churches (not the chicken) to transform, heal, convert homosexuals.

Here the money line from the article (Not from Bob):

It's time for the churches of Kansas City to do their jobs. We can do better than brace ourselves for another sex scandal or plan another round of dialogue. Let's manifest Jesus, full of grace and truth, by becoming communities of healing for the homosexual.

I believe the message comes courtesy of Desert Stream Ministries which prides itself on dealing with the "sexually and relationally broken" and I'm assuming that they're referring to dudes and broads who are the ghey and not simply every woman I've ever had the misfortune to talk to at America's Pub.

Thing is, I'm not sure how effective "converting" people from their lifestyle might be . . . And no, you won't hear any endorsement of pseudo science from me . . . There are hints and some interesting studies about genetic predisposition toward homosexuality but as of yet there is no clear cut evidence that people are born gay (other than the fact some people like Christina Aguilara) -- and that's cool because it makes it an even more definitive lifestyle choice which everybody has the right to make.

Long term, I think conversions of almost any kind are usually doomed to fail and people end up acting how ever it is they want to act on their own accord. At least that's what I try and tell every woman who has had the misfortune to use the bathroom after I'm done with it.

Aiming and air freshener are for suckers.

Pointing out the fact that we're all on borrowed time

So when exactly is Channel 9 going to pull the plug on Bill Pikus?

Yesterday, The Star finally picked up the story after it broke on Bottom Line Communications nearly a month ago.

It seems kind of cruel that they're stringing the guy along when even the casual media watcher knows that he's going to get the ax sometime very soon. The whole sad situation is eerily to the way that there are few breakups in the first two weeks of February leading up to Valentine's Day . . . But once the warmer weather is upon us and skanks from all over town start showing more skin . . . You're significant other is more likely to tell you how they really feel about you.

Control Freak Chastain

While he doesn't live here (I can't stress that fact enough) Clay Chastain apparently loves Kansas City so much, he's suing it. To find similar logic, you'd have to talk to a woman who has recently filed for divorce.

Actually, he's just threatening a lawsuit but the second you ignore this man, the City ends up in a debacle that could cost millions of dollars. Also, the defense that a vote for light rail was not a vote for Chastain is simply wrong . . . Unless you're going to argue the fact that Hitler has some good ideas like long vacations, highways, the Volkswagen and good looking color schemes as far as interior design goes. And you wouldn't argue in support of Hitler . . . Would you? Well, the same logic goes for support of Chastain and ripping up most of Broadway in order to shuttle a few dozen people to the airport and spend millions on what is only a moderately expensive cab ride.

Your prayers have been answered

Here are some phone numbers where you can report local potholes. Unfortunately, there is not a psychiatrist on the other end of the line asking you why you still have faith in local government after you've been failed so many times.

I was thinking that all of these complaints are probably compiled and placed into a Rube Goldberg machine that carries the list through the far corners of City Hall and eventually distributes the complaints as toilet paper for the folks on City Council.

MamaTV

Here is another video I produced for my mama. Also, I've been slacking in slamming the other candidates and a few hopefuls in unrelated races that I've been meaning to rant against . . . There are only so many hours in a day and there is way too much MILF action available on the net. Sorry, but I've been saving up so the new stuff might be that much better. Probably not.

Things to look for in this vid: If she looks mad, it's because I've been yelling at her to stop ending all of her sentences with "ya bastard" and talk to the camera and not to me. Also, I'm just waiting for one of the opposing bitch ass candidates to mention her borrowing (fair use?) popular music . . . That's been my decision because that's what most video blogs do . . . I've been trying to get her to "open up" (no Oedipus) and realize that these things are really more like diary entries and not campaign commercials. Frankly, I don't think anybody over the age of 30 realizes that people can undertake a creative endeavor without trying to sell something. Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that everyone in my family adores those Homies action figures that are yesterday's news but were actually considered controversial at one point. They're used in the video to demonstrate a small point . . . But see for yourself. The argument that toys create or contribute to gang violence seemed silly to me and the entrepreneurial story behind the product is actually quite inspiring. The fact that people see Latino characters in urban dress and automatically assume that they're all gang members is more evident of the inherent racism in not only the popular culture but also the Latino community as well. Anyway, my mom and I pretty much assume that everyone is smart enough to figure this stuff out on their own but I'm sure there are people petty enough in this town to make an issue of it so I thought I should take the 12 seconds necessary to belabor the point.

Anyway, I had fun making the thing and I think I was somewhat able to catch her being herself later on in the video. I hope future vlogs will get better but I'm not making any promises.

Speaking out without using hyperbole is the ghey

Recently, The Missouri-Kansas Coalition Against Racism, Anti-Semitism and Bigotry held a press conference against so-called extremist groups which they claimed spreading fear and separation in the metro area.

Of course it was a nice gesture with good intentions that was probably intended to make everyone feel wonderful about themselves but not only do I think one group with virtually no constituency speaking out against another group with no constituency is kind of farcical but also the local gang of do-gooders forgot to use the term Nazi.

That's the thing, if you're going to talk about immigration you MUST TAKE A TOTALLY EXTREMIST VIEW THAT PRESENTS THE ISSUE AS A LIFE AND DEATH STRUGGLE FOR THE SURVIVAL OF WHITE WOMEN AND 2 FOR ONE BEER NIGHT!!!!! Clearly, this group missed the memo and their calm and rational approach to the issue isn't helping anybody.

The fact that even Bush, who now officially has the support of about 3 people and only one of his daughters, called he Minutemen "vigilantes" is of no concern here . . . What the immigration debate is for, is showing people that you are crazy one way or another and providing no solution whatsoever just a chance to either hassle white people (guilty) or rant about your dislike of tacos.

Shame on these folks with their good intentions who forgot that this hot button political issue is really about entertainment and garnering support rather than actually working toward a compromise.

The very first local Vista review

Jazo provides some great info regarding Microsoft Vista. His headline sums it up nicely:

VISTA: We waited 5 years for a shiny turd

I've read a couple of other reviews and they all pretty much say the same thing without bothering to explain why or explaining so many things that I stop reading and look for nude photos of the old TechTV broads considering that I think they're all doing prostitution nowadays anyway.

Sooooooo, read Jazo's review in order to have a slight understanding of why you'll be crying in front of your computer in about 3 years. Also, last night Laura Mortiz was reading off her teleprompter and pronounced the name Veeeeeesta as if she was channeling my Latino lust for Kelly Eckerman. Anyway, it was a tad amusing considering that it was yet another clear example that while pretty, a lot of local anchors (like me) have no clue about the news they are spouting.

Getting kicked from the County is a mixed blessing

Jackson County will cut 19 jobs that aren't as important as protecting the political rep of Mike Sanders and making sure he has money for his jail matrix/whatever/plan to lock up more brown people for longer periods of time. Also, it goes without saying that Kathryn Shields should be given some credit. The County's shortfall and the need to let people go because of her wild spending and refusal to account for anything paved the way for this bad situation. On the bright side, maybe a few of them can find work as chauffeurs if they had any thing to do with Queen Kathryn.

Finally, if you want to thank Ms. Shields, you may not be able to find her in person (especially since I'm pretty sure that she's going straight from the Mayor's race to prison . . . So you might just want to direct your prayers toward the overpriced mural and monument at the Courthouse in her honor.

Biting reminder that the Insurance industry controls your fate

If a proposed ordinance in North Kansas City is passed than all dog owners would be required to have at least $100,000 in liability insurance. And I'm only assuming that this new law would also be in effect for those rinky-dink toy dogs that pose more of a threat to themselves than anything else on this planet.

I guess it's good to get closer to the last logical step regarding paranoia over pitbulls that ultimately leads to mostly harmless dogs and responsible pet owners getting treated with nearly as much animosity as Mexican dishwashers.

Your Chihuahua wants Amnesty!

The expensive losing effort

When folks in this town railed against the Stadium Tax, it wasn't (just) because they were bitter and hated your mother and apple pie as well. In fact, even a causal observer of professional sports know that pro-teams demand millions upon millions of tax breaks and straight up subsidization from the towns who host them and offer little in return . . . Especially the Royals who have only managed to deliver a couple of HUNDRED GAME LOSS SEASONS in row to their loyal fans and the folks from St. Louis who crowd the stadium every time the Cardinals play in KC.

Anyway, given all of this, it should be no surprise that the Royals plan to install a state of the art video coaching system that includes a new control room, hardware and software at a cost of $900,000. Even worse, the team wants to pay for the system with the $250 million approved by voters for the overhaul of Kauffman Stadium.

And while this may seem far off base and unfair to people who are sane and actually pay attention to the news . . . I can see how it might make sense to folks silly enough to regularly attend Royal's games. And I might even think the money was worth it if it would make any difference in the play of the team. Sadly, it's just another example of how Kansas City (Jackson County in this case) was taken to the cleaners by sports teams that don't care about this area or even the stadiums in which they play but are only looking to cash in . . . And again, even that wouldn't be so embarrassing if it wasn't a group of pathetic losers like the Royals who got one over on this town but can't seem to win against anyone but the people of Jackson County.

Heartfelt

Jeneé Osterheldt reminds us all that "Valentine's Day is just one day a year"

Which in turn reminds me that life is not fair because I know at least 15 more talented local bloggers who come up with more interesting prose on a regular basis while The Star's resident hipster broad turns in this kind of prattle consistently. Damn, baring the few instances in which she accidentally hints at her sex life . . . Osterheldt's stuff is usually not even as interesting as those silly columns they used to build "Sex in the City" episodes around during the early seasons when horse face Sarah Jessica Parker hoped that viewers wouldn't find her starring role the most boring aspect of the show. Just to reminisce a bit . . . An old Family Guy episode describes the program as "Three hookers and their mom" and I remember laughing my ass off when I heard that one because it summed up the premise perfectly. But I digress . . .

The point here is that this woman gets paid to turn out this stuff and I can't help but be a little jealous and envy at her sweetheart deal . . . I did not know that hoop earrings held such power over the world of print media but I'm thinking about wearing one at least so I can not only look like a pirate but also garner half as much good fortune for my lazy and misinformed writing.

Keep it gay

Allie Zaroor and Four Freedoms are hosting a mayoral forum at the Metropolitan Condominiums tonight. The forum will explore issues of importance to downtown dwellers, the gay and lesbian community and the arts community -- I think you could safely assume that all of those people are pretty much the ghey. Additionally, this might also be an interesting occasion wherein politicians bending over backwards to tell people what they want to hear might get more than they expect. Ouch.

Double Bonus: This seems to be one of those great informal meetings where politicos might just want to relax (their throat muscles) and be sure not to take on more than a mouthful. (NO HOMO!)

Because local hookers need more "office space" too!

Once again folks are floating more talk of building a hotel that could exceed 1,000 rooms downtown.

It's an intriguing idea . . . Especially considering that few people are going to bother going to the Power & Light District given that the same entertainment is closer to their suburban homes AND the only team that wants to play the Sprint Center is The Brigade of the perennially financially unstable Arena Football League . . . So, it looks as if it's up to this town's skanks to provide the entertainment should any huge hotel managed to get erected.

The Kansas City hospitality on tour

Strange, the people of Des Moines didn't know that when somebody from KC (especially somebody in a stolen car) asks you for directions . . . The best thing to do is run. A bizarre attack on a guy riding a bike is just one reason why:

Gary Cornelius was minding his own business in downtown Des Moines early Saturday when when he was stopped by men in a truck who appeared to be lost.

Cornelius began giving them directions, but was interrupted by one of the men, who told him to get off his bike.

Police said the men grabbed the bike away from him and began to destroy it. They slammed it on the pavement. After damaging the brakes, the frame and the front wheel the men ran into an apartment building.

An appropriate response to somebody from KC asking you directions might have been:

Do I look like Mapquest?

I'm not from here.

Que?

I'm lost too.

What does something like that pay?

Anyway, I know I stopped giving people directions when I realized that everybody just wanted to know how to get to The Plaza. So now, I simply send everyone who asks for directions to 18th and Vine no matter where they are headed and I remind them to lock their doors.

Blogger Backtalk: Bummer News and medical drama nearly as bad as Blink 182

"It's like WebMD, but reputable!" according to The Book Pusher on the subject of a new health site that might not respond to every question with "You will die from Cancer!!!"

Bonus: Toast keeps us apprised of the scary medical articles she has been reading . . . Sadly, the apocalypse will be live blogged.

Daily Kos is impressed with Governor Sebelius Via the KansasRino . . . Note it's easy to be impressed with anyone from halfway across the country . . . And that's a fact that explains how so many people from around here ended up with their strange political affiliations.

Late Night Theatre is no more . . . Expect outrage even more outrage in KC that's not as concise as this quick post which informed me of the fact. .

It's "the little differences" . . . This time a conversation about Ireland. No Royale with Cheese.

An out of town blogger points us toward a directory of local food . . . I think he's talking about stuff that's grown in the region which is not only good for your health but also keeps area farmers from producing and distributing Meth. Overall, it's a win-win situation. You keep your figure and they keep their teeth!

Broken Windows: Your bummer black and white photo of the day.

TFK reminds me why I try not to think about the fact that I live downwind from a nuclear reactor.

Fantastic Heights

A local blogger undertakes an adventure on the wings of the buffalo (read: stupid way of saying that he ate an AWESOME amount of Buffalo wings) only to end up paying for it later . . . Very much like Icarus, only without all of the ghey Greek references and the loin cloth. Hopefully.

Anyway, the point of the story is that everything you put in your mouth has consequences. Unless you're Paris Hilton and then there's also a video tape and the comforting fact that you don't need a conscious if you're going to inherit hundreds of millions of dollars.

On the topic of white women and weddings

Thanks to locally based and internationally awesome website Fazed for drawing my attention to a frightening video of a young white lady completely losing her shit only minutes before her wedding thanks to a bad haircut.

While there is a slim possibility that the video is fake . . . Having personally dated white women exclusively since I was a teenager I can tell you that THERE IS NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY regarding this lady's behavior as far as white chicks are concerned. I've seen similar meltdowns regarding the last slice of pizza, why I'm always 15 minutes late everywhere and the fact that I don't want to get a job in the insurance industry.

Actually, the video is comforting to me in many ways but mainly because it's one excuse in a million related to why I don't go to big weddings willingly nowadays. And I'm also comforted that the cold of winter has given the good people of Kansas City a brief respite from the impossible demands of brides-to-be as, no doubt, this scene to a greater and lesser extent will be reinterpreted throughout this town come wedding season.

UPDATE: I wouldn't call it "Fake" necessarily, I think it's more accurate to call it a staged interpretation of reality.

In all of my car fantasies I'm able to drive the speed limit despite construction

MoDot is soon to shut down the southbound lanes of I-35 on the west side of the loop so highway crews can resume repairing pavement and bridges. The closing begins at 9 a.m. Monday.

After years of neglect I guess it's a good thing that they're actually working on the streets but in the end I'm sure the only immediate impact is going to be inconveniencing me and making me feel even worse when the area continues its downward slide as improvements in this town are never as substantial as public officials claim and continued neglect means the area will be back in the same mess sooner than you think. Very much like paying off all of your credit card debt by cashing in your 401k or telling your girlfriend that you love her . . . In the end, it's just a desperate attempt to dig yourself out of a hole without really changing your lifestyle.

To top off that optimistic outlook. Here is how your morning traffic jam will look if you have any need to head downtown . . .

A list of the ramps that will be closed beginning next Monday:

• U.S. 169/5th Street to southbound I-35 at the northwest corner of the Loop

• Westbound I-70 to southbound I-35 at the northwest corner of the Loop

• Eastbound I-70 to southbound I-35 at the northwest corner of the Loop

• Southbound I-35 to 12th Street on the west side of the Loop

• 12th Street ramp to southbound I-35 on the west side of the Loop

• 13th Street ramp to southbound I-35 on the west side of the Loop

And while I don't think Kansas City's traffic woes are reason to support public transit pipe dreams, I do think all of this will give me an opportunity to devote more time to listening to music in the car. Or maybe reading, I know that I've seen folks reading while driving before and it's always strengthened my faith in God or at least the ability of humans to make horrible mistakes and somehow still survive.

I've been watching "The L Word" too much

Reading this rough and somewhat intriguing instance of a local woman named Cherry charged with forcible sodomy for allegedly using a wooden hairbrush to attack her sleeping friend the only thought in my mind is how they are going to reenact this scene with hot ass Jennifer Beals and one of those other broads on The L Word.

Seriously, a great portion of my weekends over the past month have been devoted to watching this Lesbian soap opera drama with my girlfriend (Screw you Netflix). At first I was a bit hesitant but I didn't realize how many gully sex scenes the show would host. Later, I was a bit concerned that my lady was a bit "too interested" in the hijinx of the upper class carpet cleaners (I mean, it's fun to watch but with surprisingly little payoff) but I think she's smart enough to know that the average Lesbian isn't that hot or rich or devoid of flannel shirts and a mullet . . . At least I hope not or it's back to buying and reheating my own fast food again.

The Greatest Generation

I always thought that Tom Brokaw was working an angle with all of his "Greatest Generation" talk. I figured it was a way to get into the hearts of the elderly in order to more easily empty their life savings accounts. If so, then it was a great idea but a side effect of all of that propaganda is that people actually believe that the white people who came of age in WWII were any less horrible then your average SUV driving JoCo resident. Want proof? Talk to any brown person over the age of 75 and they'll provide it along with cute anecdotes about clever nicknames and not being able to use a bank . . . At least through the front door.

Still, I always thought the most impressive thing about "The Greatest Generation" was their incredible luck. They actually had Hitler and his evil empire to fight whereas the past 60 years has seen a slew of U.S. Presidents desperately trying to compare every 3rd world dictator and the rag tag group of supporters with sling shots to the Nazis.

Additionally, I find that old white guys of this era get an inordinate amount of respect (read: parking spaces) and a few of them win the lottery. Example: A retired electrician and World War II veteran is the winner of the largest lottery jackpot ever sold in Missouri -- worth more than a quarter of a billion dollars.

All that AND white privilege?

Talk about good luck . . . My only hope is that the guy has a chance to enjoy it before he goes to "White Heaven" or discovers the more than likely possibility that one of his female decedents will marry a Black dude and strangely end up with Latino babies.

It's all about finding your purpose in life

The sad state of local politics has me looking elsewhere for ideas and recently in Japan Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's approval ratings are declining because some of his people are talking out of turn.

Apparently, Abe's health minister described women as baby making machines. In a speech discussing Japan's falling birthrate, Yanagisawa on Jan. 27 said "the number of machines that produce babies is fixed, so each woman has to have more babies," according to the Asahi newspaper.

Frankly, this statement offends me as well because it completely overlooks the numerous skills women posses in regard to cooking, cleaning, complaining, driving poorly, taking the garbage out, minor home repair, believing my excuses as to why I haven't called in two weeks and also the important task of providing a source of friction for my naughty bits.

I've always admired the focus of the Japanese and their weird ass cartoons but it seems in this instance they are missing the forest from the live-in maid service.

The phrase "media ethics" makes me laugh

Fortunately, I have no expectation of any kind of ethics from media people or from anyone else but Bottomline Communications raises an interesting question when asking if Steve St. John crosses an ethical line in promoting his own work during his sports talk show.

Honestly, I don't have a problem with anybody promoting themselves. KC's most successful sports writer Jason Whitlock is like a walking billboard that promotes not only his career but also the misguided notion that research and talent are essential in becoming a successful writer.

Cool looking corpses

There has been an increasing number of deaths related to motorcycle accidents in Missouri and Kansas. Strangely, only a small fraction of those deaths come from suburbanites buying Harleys on a whim and then subsequently dying of embarrassment when talking to other bikers about their shared interest.

Town Topics: Redux

It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.

Johnson County Park and Recreation District is now offering a Dodgeball Tournament program for adults and further proof that fads get to the Midwest 5 years too late.

31st Street between Southwest Trafficway is a great place to see pedestrians dodge cars.

a lot of people in Kansas City are just as scared of germs as I am.

Local Latinos headed to Jeff City last week in order to be ignored on the Immigration issue.

From KSHB: "Friends of a dying Excelsior Springs, Mo., woman are working to make her dying wish come true." It's a touching story. Unfortunately, the women's dying wish is not to stop dying.

Alonzo Washington has been dutifully keeping track of more than 5 random shootings and 1 homicide in KCK With another double shooting over the weekend, it doesn't look like the cold weather is slowing down the violence.

Still Krazy Kris Kobach after all these years

You may not think so, but I have a lot in common with Republicans. And I'm not just referring to good stuff like Ronald Reagan liking Mexicans, free trade, small government and chubby blondes.

So what exactly do we have in common? Like the current Republican leadership, I rarely admit I'm wrong, I don't like the ghey people in a political sense even if some of them are friends and relatives. And, most importantly, when I'm in trouble . . . I DOUBLE DOWN!

Surely, the same strategy that seems as if it's going to be a disaster in Iraq should work in Kansas. Right? There is no denying that the best way to get out of a hole is by digging harder, deeper and faster!

Anyway, it's not that I like to see anybody make a mistake but sometimes you just have to laugh at a blunder and realize that it will benefit you. For instance, that stupid new haircut your girlfriend got might mean fewer expensive outings (read: Wendy's) when she realizes her error. Or white people in a hurry who leave their car doors unlocked. Or college chicks who still haven't learned that "being a good listener" has more fringe benefits than you could possibly imagine.

Still, the fact that Krazy Kris Kobach is now leading the Republicans in Kansas might make some Democrats smile but honestly it elicits the same feeling in me that I often get from watching a car wreck or recently divorced woman in Westport.

Here are some better thoughts on the subject:

"Too bad this party is going to turn out to be a wake."

Krazy Kris Kobach to head Kansas GOP

Kobach Flip-Flopped on Abortion ... Just Another Prostitute to Special Interests

Kobach pledges to go full-tilt

Kansas GOP picks leader

Locals aren't giving much attention to the upcoming election

For January, yesterday was a lovely day and yet with attendance of less than 150 at a meeting intended to decide the fate of this town it's clear that nobody is interested in Kansas City's Mayoral forums.

From what I've heard more than half of the audience cleared out before the thing was over. I'm guessing that there were nearly as many people on stage as there were in the audience when it was time for final statements. The upshot of all this is that it now should only take 7 votes to get to the primary. However, it is troubling that nobody seems too fond of Democracy in Iraq nowadays and there doesn't seem to be much interest over here either.

Because spying is somewhat easier than convincing people to start snitching

Here is yet another story that illustrates that local authorities haven't made a lot of effort in engendering cooperation in high crime areas: Kansas City police want to spend $4 million to upgrade their patrol car cameras to higher-quality digital equipment. Police in both Kansas City's hope to install cameras in high-crime neighborhoods. And some officers on both forces are being trained in forensic video.

And I guess this is good news because I know that random crime on the street under good lighting conditions is really important to fight against. Also, poor people should know that privacy is overrated and if Paris Hilton doesn't want it, neither should we!

New Hotness: KC Underwater. Old and busted: Water infrastructure.

Cold weather and Kansas City's pipes go together like politicians and follow through on promises . . . Main breaks at North Rock Creek.

Reason #3948 why you shouldn't trust women

Surprise, the KC Star is now worried about this town's debt burden!

They say this issue is important for the mayoral candidates but the truth is that the only thing this story really reveals is that the next mayor of this town SHOULD NOT BE A WOMAN since obviously Kay Barnes and her genetically smaller female brain couldn't comprehend that all the bills she ran up for this town would one day come due.

Sadly, I doubt that the Minnesota barbecue of Famous Dave's in the new P&L Disaster District is going to pay the bill. But then there's always the empty Sprint Center and the sweetheart deal we're willing to give to anybody who will come to town. Ultimately, that kind of groveling will also assure this town continues to present itself as a broke ass, desperate and lonely old woman . . . Which I guess is in accordance with Mayor's Kay's legacy after all.

The last days of Kay Barnes are making everyone in Kansas City sick

Mayor Kay's reign has yielded so many dead Black people that she refused to even acknowledge so I guess it's fair that she now turns her back as cops get sick. The Star reports that The mold-contaminated ductwork at Kansas City Police Headquarters has sickened some workers for more than a year. Like everything else in this city, the problem is getting worse.

The cops say that City Hall has ignored the issue for 17 months. They point out that the city owns the 69-year-old building and is responsible for maintaining it . .. . That fact and 5 dollars will get you a frappuccino at Starbucks.

Still, I think there is hope in solving this problem but it just might require building something completely unrelated in order to attract tourists and people in the market for luxury living space. If only the mold spores taking refuge in the lungs of local workers (mis) understood macro economic theories as well as Barnes.

That's "Ford Tough" children . . . Now get lost!

Ford Plant Daycare Set To Close

However, before you throw stones remember that when you lose $12 billion, you don't have to care about babies anymore.

Mostly decent food and a money drop

I don't know if you noticed but a recent sex extortion dropoff point before the subsequent bust was right by Ponack's.

Note: You're eating authentic Mexican food if somewhere nearby there is a briefcase with more than 50k inside.

Further investigation on the subject of where KC women spend money they didn't earn

According to a seemingly popular "shopping blog" it appears that Kansas City may have overmalled itself.

Kansas City is possibly one of the most extreme fringes of a national trend favoring mixed-use, lifestyle centers and strip malls to their enclosed counterparts.

Actually, this blog post is just a rehashing of an earlier story by The Pitch: Merry Xmas from the Dead Malls also covers the subject with typical the ghey flair but comes up with explanations related to white guilt and not economics. In any event, the suburban temple we now call the shopping mall is on the ropes in Kansas City so people from around this area might just have to find another venue to prove that they can't tolerate being around Black people.

Taking over with tacos

I think I read somewhere that Kansas City has more Mexican restaurants per capita than San Antonio, TX. Teocali is yet another one and local blog "Cooking in KC" provides a somewhat enthusiastic review.

KC soon to flip its lid

The misguided mistakes of this town make for great posts at The Urbanophile as the blogger reports that local officials are studying the possibility of spending $200 million to put a deck over I-670.

Apparently, the Kansas City Star dubbed this project the "Big Lid" after Boston's Big Dig. But I'm guessing they didn't mention any of the nightmare (crushed under huge chunks of concrete) scenarios that awaited the people of Boston thanks to that ill conceived project. I only hope that if the folks in this town couldn't get a roof over Arrowhead they might also horribly fail when it comes to something that people might actually use.

Now we can all afford helicopters and tragic fates

Searching through the back pages of Popular Mechanics for a penis enlargement device better mouse trap I recently found a great way to die in a helicopter accident for less than 50K from an Excelsior Springs, MO company. Circa 1999.

Blogger Backtalk: Random topics and boobs

What blogger hasn't been there? Check it: Total slump city

Board Games I'd Like to See. My suggestion: Mattel's "Let me crush your spirit and beat you publicly to prove that not only that you aren't my intellectual or sexual equal but also that you cannot master simple concepts. Age 18 - Your second divorce.

Local Emcee Victim of KCPD Racial Profiling. Also, Chronic looks as if he's back to blogging again.

Help out the X-man . . . Anybody using Cricket?

I'm happy to link this blogger post that will guarantee an extra century in purgatory for me and the author (also a Catholic) . . . Actually some pretty insightful stuff: Jesus was a loser

Brian Greene, author of "The Elegant Universe" recently spoke at Unity Temple on The Plaza. Local blogger Tevis was there and provides a couple of pics and a quick review.

Everybody wants to grab this lovely local blogger's boobs. I have and they're spectacular.

Failing Upward

It's hard to believe that Missouri Democrats are trying to persuade KC's own Country Club Kay Barnes to challenge Republican Rep. Sam Graves in 2008. Actually, this probably does explain why this state remains red despite deep labor ties, a myriad of Medicare problems and quite a few pissed off po'folk voters. In fact, Missouri Democrats couldn't read public sentiment any worse than to view Mayor Kay's career as a local success story.

I was thinking about possible campaign platforms and slogans and all I could come up with was the following:

Kay Barnes: The Eminent Domain Dominatrix . . . One vote to lose your inhibitions about corporate welfare and lose your home in a painful and humiliating process.

Blind, Dumb and Barnes: Ignoring your problems in much the same way she ignored KC's homicide rate over the years.

Barnes against small businesses: Because small campaign donations don't count!

Yeah, I know this state has been clamoring for empty, expensive arenas and the destruction of neighborhoods. And while local Democrats have recently proven themselves quite effective at bashing Republican wenches like Becky Nace . . . If Kay Barnes is the best they have to offer . . . Truly, it is time for both sides of the fence invest in better broads.

Hard facts and discount prices

KC office rent is half national average

Whereas women in business suits are priceless.

Prison is the solution to all of your medical problems

The charges in this lawsuit and the brutal details of the news story say everything. You don't need any commentary for me other than to remind you that there is a reason a lot of people in this town don't like talking to the police.

In a lawsuit filed Friday, a 32-year-old woman blames Kansas City police for the premature birth and death of her baby last year.

Sofia Salva was four months pregnant when police pulled over her car for a false temporary license plate and she began bleeding, according to the lawsuit.

Salva told the officers she needed medical help because she feared a miscarriage.

The officers ignored her requests, arrested her for traffic citations and outstanding city warrants, and put her in jail. She said she spent the next 10 hours pleading with jailers for medical help. They supplied her with several changes of pants but ignored her requests, she said. The next day, after nearly 12 hours in custody, Salva began passing large blood clots, the lawsuit alleged.

While I understand "back the badge" types might scoff at these allegations, they don't really seem that hard to believe and the upshot is: If any of these charges hold up in court, it would seem that a minor traffic violation can turn into a death sentence . . . Which might be the only reason I would ever support public transportation.

Remembering the white elephant

They said that World War I was "the war to end all wars" but it turns out that every few years Americans forget how much they like to kill people, especially brown people.

Liberty Memorial was erected (no homo?) So that this nation would never forget the tremendous sacrifice that so many young men made to avenge the death of Archduke Ferdinand or because the Germans put a tariff on strudel or whatever . . . The point is that despite some of the rave reviews given to the museum . . .Liberty Memorial is still a giant disaster given that after more than $25 million worth of repairs the place continues to fall apart.

In response to all of this a PR campaign quickly assured local news reporters that the place won't require any additional funds. However, the repair project appears to be so poorly conceived that sooner or later more money will inevitably be required. Case in point: The new gate in front of the complex doesn't work because the company that installed it didn't know it would have to operate in the elements.

Also, you might remember that the Liberty Memorial is already over budget.

So, while you can rest assured that nobody will remember whatever brave cause it was that soldiers so willingly gave their lives to for . . . What's more important to remember is that leaders throughout history will continue to misrepresent the cost of their efforts as they continually ask for more sacrifice while providing little or nothing in return.

Blogger Backtalk: It's pretty hard to B.S. local bloggers but I'll keep trying

I have no idea why I chose this photo . . .

I knew Baby Blunt's plan was all B.S. but Unholy Moses explains why: "what Blunt touts as revolutionary actually removes patient choice, doesn’t cover 90% of the people kicked out of the system in the Purge of '05, could slow down the speed of needed preventative services to a crawl, rewards those who do as they are told, and gives doctors who broke the law a raise for doing so."

"I am severely disappointed in the human beings of Kansas City."

AMAZING POST WITH PICS OF THE DAY: Inside an MLK party . . . Take a look without your daddy having to pay +20k per year . . . Count this post as exclusive coverage.

An exercise in futility OR a great review of last week's Mayoral forum: "Basically, the answer to everything is "STUDY IT". Let's get a commission, panel, group, what the fuck ever together and STUDY THE ISSUE. This brilliant plan allows the city government to delay taking any action whatsoever because they are perpetually STUDYING THE ISSUE, which also creates the illusion of giving a shit about MY problems"

A PARADE OF DUMBASSES . . . Great round-up of the week's events from local blogger Justcara

Manic Monday

The upcoming annual meeting of Wal-Mart store managers and suppliers slated for Kansas City on Monday reminds me that local hippies and marginally employed people will set upon this town to protest the corporate behemoth and try to harm the only place on the planet where I can purchase my weight in corn chips for less than five dollars.

Of course, these folks might have a point about low wages, poor overtime compensation, unfair treatment of women, third world exploitation and the impact on the economies of small towns across the country but then again none of them are offering to sell me ice cream by the half ton at a discount price or make sure that $7.99 will buy me all of the Q-tips I'll ever need for the rest of my life.

Of course the protests will get marginal coverage by the local media and to make watching it more fun you should look for:

The sexy, skinny broad yelling obscenities and wearing a brightly colored, authentic cap from Guatemala.

A portly guy with a white beard and glasses that make him look like Trotsky after a pizza binge. He'll be holding a clever sign so you won't notice the shoes he purchased from another discount retailer that also buys 3rd world goods made by toddlers.

An Older white broad with gray hair way too long for her age. She'll look like she's been through hell and she probably has . . . She's protesting but she's surprisingly upbeat because she enjoys the company.

A person that is way to angry, yelling with a raised fist. This man or woman hates Wal-Mart almost as much as they hate their father.

And while all of this might raise your emotions if you actually took it seriously, the important thing to realize - what both Wal-mart execs and protesters don't know - is that there is an finite limit to every company's market share. Put simply, trees don't grow to the stratosphere and natural market forces stand a better chance of stopping Walmart than boorish documentaries or the indignant rage or folks who don't have many real problems.

More Mexican labor in KC

Damn it, just when I think I had every reason I ever needed to hate the Chiefs and make fun of them at every turn . . . They do something very cool . . . By now you've already heard that Friday, the Chiefs signed offensive lineman Ramiro Pruneda. Even better, Tony Gonzalez helped lure the guy away from the (worthless) European league.

I guess the irony of the situation will be fun to note (constantly) during next Chiefs season: A great many JoCO fans will cheer for one Mexican and help to reward him with millions of dollars but when they head back to their own community they may benefit from the labor of many more (and much shorter) Mexicans in their restaurants and offices but probably have a little less affection for those folks. Life is funny that way . . . One last bit of irony: A Mexican guy defending a perimeter? I like that in much the same way that I think it's hilarious that when white folks call for more border patrol agents, they are inadvertently lobbying for more Chicanos to be employed given the fact that those folks live close to the border, they are bilingual, they are in need of thankless shitty jobs AND a great many of them hate Mexicans on a personal level far more than most white folks.

Talk is cheap

Thanks to J.D. for the heads up on this link.

As an alumni I can tell you that UMKC is a confused campus. On one hand you have Kris Kobach railing against the dangers of my Grandma at the Law School but then the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Alliance ("Evanescence fans" for short) is one of the most active and powerful groups on campus.

Additionally, during my years at the institution it was always rumored that there was casual the ghey sex in the library restrooms which gave me yet another reason not to go there . . . What I'm trying to get across is that the midtown commuter campus doesn't really know whether it's coming or going or just experimenting.

The latest evidence of the bi-polar nature of my old stomping grounds: UMKC recently banned the sale of a T-shirt students designed to promote a benefit performance of "The Vagina Monologues." The shirts depicted "abstract" images of vaginas which leads me to believe that the shirts were probably designed by a a woman similar to Anne Heche. You know the kind of broad I'm talking about: She calls herself a lesbian sometimes but she has never really "gotten down" with the cause enough to know that most vaginas are somewhat abstract and usually frightening in good light. Still, I'm not about labels since I'd call myself a neocon if I was able to eat at fancy Georgetown restaurants all the time and have my dad pay for me to drive around a BMW while I talk about self reliance. But I digress.

Typically, UMKC is skirting the issue and saying that the t-shirt did not conform to agreed upon design standards but the truth is that officials at the school have yet to decide if the institution is going to be a PC playground and a commuter college or an "Urban Campus" that's just slightly more dreary than a "real college" but offers the same comfortable separation from the real world.

My thoughts: Embrace the confusion. Because we all know that it's confusion (and economy sized jugs of White Zinfandel) that causes college broads to partake in "student video projects" that are actually worth watching.

TKC talks to more important people than you

My challenge interviewing former City Auditor and now Mayoral Candidate Mark Funkhouser was to try and make the guy seem halfway interesting. While boring ass bloggers and politicos might think budgets and spreadsheets (ew) are fascinating . . . I find much of the cold, hard data (no homo) regarding this City to be pretty useless and what's more telling is that you can't even get friend fried chicken in this town without getting shot. And I love fried chicken.

Luckily, Funkhouser is a pretty interesting guy and not only has a sense of humor about himself but also has a consistent campaign message that he delivers clearly. Thankfully, toward the end of the short conversation he started to loosen up (again, no Lance Bass) and you'll see that he drops a bit of his apprehension about reaching out to the blogging community and finally manages to uncross his arms . . . Maybe because he realizes I wasn't going to ask him for spare change? In any event, I'm glad and a bit honored that he met with me and I think what I came up with turned out well . . . Also, any casual reader of local blogs might notice that he has a lot of support (or at least interest) among local geeks . . . My theory is that talk of infrastructure and finance resonates among that crowd . . . So, while I refuse to interview or even talk with any female candidate for mayor, those broads might want to think about squeezing into a thong, giving away free removable hard drives or somesuch in order to attract a similar demographic.

Technically, the video was fun to do but I had a lot of challenges and delays putting it together. I'm using dummy MS Movie Maker and "my talents and skills" are far beyond what that crappy piece of freeware can deliver . . . Now I know how my ex-girlfriends felt. In any case, I'm pleased with how the video turned out, I had a fun time making it and I hope that it makes following boring ass, falsehood filled, and the repeated empty promises of Kansas City politics a little easier to handle.

Double Bonus: I'm pretty sure I've completely used up every last bit of the novelty of the "funk" references directed at this candidate. You're welcome. Enjoy bitches.

Videos are fun but more challenging

It's all about taking it to the next level. Last night I shot, edited and basically funked around a lot with this video. It's featured on ritavalenciano.com as well.

I'm working on other videos as too, which is why I didn't get around blogging the news today but you should know that I'm also dedicating my spare time toward editing a video featuring Mark Funkhouser that I think is going to turn out pretty damn good. I promised one of his staffers (Joe) that I'd have it done by (last) Monday but the two hampsters powering my computer seem pretty worn out so I'm predicting that it'll be done sometime this evening even though I was hoping for sooner. Sorry.

By the way, thanks for all the nice e-mails and your concern about harsh comments. Thing is, if I cared about what anybody said, wrote or thought about how I get down or what I do . . . I wouldn't bother getting out of bed in the morning.

Put simply, the comments on this blog belong solely to the readers and I only edit them under VERY special circumstances. They are unmoderated, mostly unread and largely ignored (sometimes appreciated) but I think it's important to give every and anybody a chance to note whatever it is they want to spout simply to point out what the old print media and the MSM don't get . . . It's possible to have an opinion without wanting, needing or trying to shape other opinions.

SO, that's basically the spirit that in which I publish all of the content of this page and while I don't care what you think, I'm always glad you read. (Except for Greg Reeves. I can't stand that dude.)

On a final note, I love the woman featured in this vid and it's a tad presumptuous of anybody to think that their opinion would matter to me regarding her.

Eh, I'm rather defensive this afternoon but still in a nice mood. I didn't get my morning 6 pack. Time to work on that . . .

More plagiarism accusations at UMKC OR If you're a secular humanist it's "sharing" not stealing

I'm not going to get on a high horse about plagiarism because I'm pretty sure that if I was currently going to college most of my papers would be cut and paste jobs from Wikipedia but the constant stream of plagiarism stories coming out of UMKC are a little embarrassing for two reasons:

1. Coming up with your own ideas isn't that hard, especially if you're like me and most of them are bad, reactionary, misogynist and unworkable.

b. The really great plagiarists never get caught and openly admit they're stealing. Most of this blog is taken from a soliloquy in one of the grossly underrated Caddy Shack Sequels.

Anyway, here is some background on previous, infamous UMKC plagiarism cases that not only involve the student paper and their poorly written movie reviews (Why, why do people constantly think that anyone else would care about what they think regarding a flick? From Roger Ebert on down . . .) and even the professors and their mostly lifted speeches are in on the act:

The Samir Patel Plagiarism Incident

UMKC Plagiarism Case Takes A Turn For The Worse . . . Read: Why would anybody quote Cornell West if it wasn't from his role in The Matrix?

Anyway, here is the latest indictment from an annony tipster and a poor soul who actually reads the U-News. Incidentally, they never let me write for this paper and I went straight to the KC Hispanic News in college . . . I'd like to say it was because I was a Chicano and most of the minorities writing for that paper were/are more interested in their resume than the direction the school takes . . . However, I think the the truth was that I didn't fit in with their nerdy, "Gee, I'm an overachiever" 10+ pages of opinion rag.

Ooops, I digress but now (Finally) here's the scoop on the latest allegations on what could be the 2nd plagiarism issue in 2 years at the UMKC University News:

Today they ran an editorial that plagiarized an unattributed quote from Howard Zinn as the headline for a staff editorial. The piece is entitled, "Patriotism is the highest form of dissent". That line was uttered by Zinn in 2004 to tompaine.com. It is frequently mis-attributed to Thomas Jefferson. The U-News just decided that it was best that we thought it was their original thought.

So there it is . . . Again, I can't cast many stones on this one because I'm not sure I've ever had an original thought (especially in college) but the U-News might want to devote less resources to movie reviews and instead focus on their 39 pages of opinion journalism where I haven't seen many new ideas in the past 40 years.

Nearly a dirty dozen

Reports on the Mayoral forum abound (sorta) but I really wanna know what you think, especially if you don't have well-coiffed hair and your eye on a bigger news market . . . Please put your link in the comments if you have a local blog and I'll put up top later in the day. Also, don't forget to write something nasty about my ethics (heh) in the comments!!! Double bonus: Be creative.

Making them mince

After an appeal (read: warning) by Kansas City Mayor Kay Barnes and City Manager Wayne Cauthen, the Greater Kansas City Chamber of Commerce has BACKED OFF its call for more spending on deferred maintenance.

Also, they were never hit . . . They just walked into a door. That's right. That's all that happened and you should really just stop asking questions about it. They'll be fine and things in this town will change eventually. You just wait and see . . . Also, take your fast car and keep on driving.

Show Me fewer Mexicans

Hey you! Over there, "illegal" immigrants (that my cousin is paying to save a buck). Stop contributing to Social Security without getting any benefits from the program!!!

Today, it's strange to see that Missouri officials are anxious to move out the Mexicans considering that population overall is decreasing in the state and this area just might need some people who not only have lots of babies but also (attention Republicans) skew very, very socially conservative.

Eh, it's not a surprise move, in fact it's typical and KC's Westsiders probably remember the days when they rounded up people from throughout this neighborhood. Yet, there are still more Mexicans in KCK and Northeast years later so the long term ramifications seem negligible to me given that The Berlin Wall and The Great Wall of China weren't that effective either. Truth is, crackdowns make good headlines but often efforts that fail to recognize geopolitics or even deep divisions within a political party are usually doomed to fail.

Let's not be nice to Becky Nace . . . In fact, she deserves a lot of bashing

Fired Up Missouri dishes dirt on mayoral candidate Becky "Never say no to a check" Nace and her ties to the nastiest elements in the Show-Me State.

Also, while FUM (heh) is a great page, remember that the site is more political consultant than blogger but clearly they did some deep digging (Awwww right!) in her campaign finance records and didn't like what they found . . . File this one under "friend of my enemy" or something like that . . . From my perspective, it's simply yet another example that women will take money from whatever nasty dude offers it without question . . . And in that statement lies most of my hope for the future.

Here are the highlights:

Rex Sinquefield, the voucher king, has given over $1,200 dollars to the Nace for her Mayoral Campaign. He's a Republican and he doesn't like public schools. Which means I halfway agree with him, half of the time.

Matt "No baby juice" Bartle also gave her 4 grand.

Also Jewell Patek (???????) has given her lots o'money.

And then there's some pontificating about what's best for Kansas City from somebody who doesn't live here . . . ala Clay Chastain.

What can we take from this? Basically, in this non partisan election BECKY NACE IS A REPUBLICAN.

Not that I care and taking money away from KC's broken, broke ass public schools. It may not be Nace's stance but it's still probably a good idea considering they're just going to WASTE IT anyway. As far as concerns over baby juice (stem cell, embryo, soul, whatever) . . . I think everybody likes the industry that comes with getting the most you can out of fetal tissue and the like but ignores the implications of the practice so that's actually a tough call that I won't waste my time making since nobody in this town should vote for a woman for mayor anyway.

And that's the real issue: NO WOMEN FOR KC MAYOR. Truly, we can all agree on that Mayor Kay and Queen Kathryn have proven that the ladies need to sit this one out and maybe get me a sammich.

Town Topics: Going to Kansas City . . . KCK actually

Designs on KCK . . . KCMO design company relocates to KCK. Expect to see this happen more often as once again around this town: The Mexicans make it (relatively) safe and then the money moves in afterward. Also, most of WyCo is actually pretty nice with the added bonus of more greasy food joints than KC's frou frou fare.

Latest Review from Patchchord: Moe is "more than just the typical hippie's fun way to spend an evening."

Firefighters practicing ice rescue in KC . . . Not from the cold depths of Mayor Kay's heart.

Rich white guys always seem to think the deserve an explanation.

Oh happy day, you can see a mediocre movie for free if you're a teacher. Are teachers smart enough to know that local theaters make all their money from concessions anyway?

It's election season, so let's all pretend to care about infrastructure! Next month maybe we'll all wear crazy ties.

This summer you can share luke warm water with your neighbor.

It's getting better in Blue Springs . . . Meaning: Faster to drive away from that area.

Sledding: The "Wow, this is fun. Oh wait. I can't stop. Dear God this was a bad idea. I'm only 12 and I want to live" killer. Also, KCK authorities shut down hill (How exactly would you do that?) in the aftermath. Running, jumping and spinning in circles soon to face scrutiny.

Uncomfortably avoiding direct eye contact with that dude's bulge for more than a generation: Kansas City Ballet 49th Season Continues

Penguins great at playing with everyone's emotions. I only hope the hockey is entertaining.

The KC Brigade have open mini-camp coming up this Sunday so you can pretend to be a reporter covering people playing pretend football.

College journalist learns about the real world

In a nice column, please don't laugh his mom and girlfriend probably framed it . . . A young man at MU (I believe) seems to be honing his craft and discovering himself very much like I did in my bathroom for about 2 hours every day from the time I was 14 through most of college.

Anyway, the MU columnist stumbles on to the fact that . . . "Money is biggest reason for shifting KU game off-campus"

Really, you don't say? People are influenced by money?

I guess we all have to start off somewhere . . . I'm looking forward to the guy's next column in which he discovers that there aren't enough jobs to go around . . . After that, the hard hitting piece that vaguely describes how minorities are somewhat lazy or maybe that Condo living is awesome and he'll be ready to work at The Star.

WE WANT WORLDCON IN KC! Or at least I do

Here is what should be the biggest priority for this town . . . Making sure that the 67TH WORLD SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION LABOR DAY WEEKEND SEPTEMBER 3-7, 2009 IS IN KANSAS CITY!!!!!!!!

Our FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT . . . Additionally, it'll be nice to have visitors in this town who don't spend all of their money on hookers or booze but rather junk food, magazines and books.

Hat tip to sci-fi artist Frank Wu for the link and nice to see that he says "I am throwing in my lot with Kansas City." Awesome.

Blogger Backtalk: The World of Mutombo

LMC on the State of the Union

Philip Marlowe vs. Sam Spade?

The best open letter you'll read all day: "Dear 100-pound bimbos at the gym . . ."

Kickass painting by local blogger/artist Steph.

State of Dysfunction: Unholy Moses takes an insightful look at Matt Blunt. Money shot . . . A photo of the Governor getting "a birds-eye view of the state he's repeatedly tried to destroy."

One for the ages . . . Emaw digs up the Super Bowl Shuffle.

Amen. God help us. TFK nails it in the first sentence: "The opposition response is often an exercise in triviality." Was last night the exception that proved the rule?

Finally, the eternal question: Who Wants to Sex Mutombo?

Either white people have no conception of the Latino community OR We're all cousins and corrupt

I am the greatest Latino reporter in the Kansas City area and because I have some experience with Tall Israelis talking smack about mi familia in order to steal an election in their recent move back to the KC area, I feel that I'm qualified to break the news in a story regarding a recent controversy among Latino business people. Additionally, I've always thought that whenever white people write about Mexican-Americans they usually portray us as sleazy.

Today the KC Biz Journal reports that The Hispanic Chamber of Commerce of Greater Kansas City has hired Carlos Gomez as president and CEO.

The word on the street (read: gossip) in the local Latino community claims that this is a clear case of nepotism and misdirection.

So here's the story according to the scuttlebutt (No homo):

Henry Sandate, the chamber's board president, held a vote to pick the new CEO. He supported Carlos Gomez and didn't do much to offer an alternative.

Because Gomez is well qualified and a decent guy, he was approved by the board almost immediately.

Following the vote Sandate revealed that Gomez is his cousin. My GAWD!

Of course there were a lot of people whose feathers were ruffled by this but few of them spoke up openly because everyone knows that making bold claims about morality, ethics or integrity can really bite you in the ass somewhere down the line. Witness Bill "Falafel" O'Reilly, Chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children Mark Foley and his illicit online chats or Ted "There was no happy ending" Haggard.

Both Dos Mundos and KC Hispanic News are investigating the story but I doubt there will be much in the way of repercussions.

Personally, I don't have much concern about the subject other than the fact that it's what the professional class of local Latinos are gossiping about . . . But I can't help but think that a few people (including Latinos) will use this incident as an example of how corruption is an inherent part of our culture. And it's not that I object to that sentiment so much but it assumes that white people aren't the least bit corrupt. Anyone who has followed the career of Kathryn Shields, Dick Cheney or realizes that the U.S. is currently involved in a war to protect Israeli interests in the region while benefiting KBR and Halliburton shareholders could hardly make accusations about corruption based on ethnicity.

And all of this overlooks the fact that Gomez will probably do a good job just as former CEO Miguel Meneses did before him.

So as far as calls of corruption are concerned, I've found that people who makes those claims have their own agenda to promote as well as they voice their concerns. As always it's naive to think there is anybody on the planet without an angle, and it's far more effective to simply acknowledge it and move on from that point.

Except me, I totally tell the truth all of the time.

Arrowhead Update

You've already heard that they're moving the "Border War" to Arrowhead. However, in order to quash concerns of PC thugs who don't like the name . . . During half-time both the KU and MU football teams will beat the living hell out of a bunch of Mexican immigrants in a show of unity.

In even better news, Arrowhead Pride offers a Chiefs postmortem on the season that was in hopes you'll remember the thrilling playoff trip that ultimately ended in embarrassment because next year the team is only looking worse.

Finally, here is one of those about.com links featuring some of the best places in Kansas City to watch The Superbowl. They throw some links to the usual suspects but for my money the best place watch the game is at the home of one of your alcoholic friends so you can see in person whether or not that urban legend regarding domestic abuse after the game is true. Double bonus if the broad is heavyset. Watch your feet.

The Ice Age in Kansas City

I have no idea why the local news keeps reporting the slim, nearly non-existent possibility that the Penguins might move to Kansas City. It's almost embarrassing that this town's media and a few hopeful politicos are getting strung along worse than an adulterous skank hoping that the guy she's sneaking around with will someday leave his wife. Sure, it happens but that usually means that the broad ends up with a cheater who eventually turns out to be a disappointment.

I'm fairly sure that the best hope of penguins coming to Kansas City might be the inevitable ice age that will come after JoCo SUV's have filled the sky with soot, the heat ramps up and the polar ice caps correct themselves . . . At least that's what I tell myself when I stock up on tuna, bullets and discount retro playboys. Stewie Griffin is right. Boobs looked different in the 70's.

Kinky, Copy that

In a KCTV5 story that makes absolutely no difference in your life . . . A recent report that there might be a Peeping Tom in the Kinko's that I usually go to when copying my 941 page manifesto doesn't really bother me that much. I figure it's important they have a good eye for detail in insuring that they don't screw up my margins.

Not even cash will save you from KC's infrastructure woes

The richest kids in town today can't go to school because Kansas City's Water infrastructure is busted . . . Sad, they'll have to spend the day with their illegal, Mexican wet nurse or somesuch.

TKC is more important than you

Actually, I don't claim to be more important than anyone but it was nice to leave the house yesterday in some way that was related to blogging . . . Which never happens for me.

The Council for Advancement and Support of Education is having their conference (CASE VI) in Kansas City this week and I figured there was no better place to spread disinformation about blogging to educators and the public . . . Good thing I was invited!



I was on a panel with the lady who runs the blog for The Kaufman Foundation and columnist/blogger Jo Mannies who supplies most of the posts for the Political Fix blog at the St. Louis Post Dispatch website.

I was surprised because just like the Internet, I was hounded by anonymous comments from the crowd and everyone threw tomatoes at me, told me I was unethical, sexist, racist, a horrible person, human trash wrapped in (oily) skin, completely self-serving and without ethics as they walked out without listening.

Actually, that didn't happen.



It was a pretty great experience talking in front of a decent sized crowd of about 40 people regarding blogging and it's role in community building, making absolutely no money for my bloggy efforts, disseminating (mis)information, garnering nude photos of lonely middle-aged women, joking about local politicos and the reporters who love them so much along other stuff. Like most bloggers, like everybody . . . Pretty much all of the questions had the same theme: "How do I make my blog more successful than yours? Because obviously you suck and I could do better but I need your help."

I did my best to offer suggestions.

Mannies was interesting to listen to because she had no problem admitting that she reads other bloggers like Combest, Fired Up Missouri and The Source and even has the courage to link them in her blog unlike Greg "Damn Community Journalism" Reeves over at Crime Scene KC.

Still, I thought she had it wrong when she spoke of truth and breaking news and facts regarding the way people consume information via blogs -- Most journalists can't fathom the fact that few people care about politics or who broke what story or the value of the information they disseminate . . . Put simply, most columnists don't like admitting that their faces are most useful when lining litter boxes and they also don't like to know that people grab the info most important to them without much consideration of how they came by it or who published it first. The thing I try to get across in every conversation I have about blogging is that the breakthrough in this medium is that it is completely obvious that every bit of information contained in a blog is SUBJECTIVE. There is no myth of objectivity in anything that is published on a blog and, even better, blogging helps to point out that mainstream media sources are equally BIASED in all of their reporting . . . What I try to tell people, what this blog attempts to prove is that IT'S ALL OPINION and you are required, it's your responsibility to figure out for yourself what is right and wrong whereas I'm always amazed that every journalist I've spoken with somehow thinks they have a monopoly on "the truth." Also, half-naked hot ass white women don't hurt bloggy traffic either.

One of the best things about the conference was getting to talk with futurist David Zach. The guy had a captivating keynote address and seemed very interested in the whole bloggy thing. No homo. I've never met a futurist before and while the guy has some great insights about the role technology plays in our lives, I still couldn't get him to predict the upcoming lotto numbers.

All things considered, even though it cut into my nap time, I was fortunate to attend the conference, I learned a lot and it proved to me that we're all still earnestly working toward understanding the role that technology plays in communication other than simply facilitating masturbation and online hookups.

11 Pay Day Loan places are enough for Overland Park

The Kansas City area's biggest suburb is looking at imposing distance requirements between stores as a way of making it difficult for payday-loan stores to locate there. Honestly, I'd love to make a crack about white people in this post but it's actually a great idea that I hope will take hold in minority communities with gun and liquor stores.

Sometimes you need a hospital because Jesus is a busy guy

Another Death Linked To Horner Faith

Fox 4 reporter Nancy Lewis is all up in the Kool-Aid of this case and has details of YET ANOTHER DEATH that might be related to the Horner faith that they're saving for Tuesday Night. Is it sweeps already? Or, is the news from Iraq to Lee's Summit filled with nothing but people dying over what they think God wants them to do?

The TKC Ketchup

Trend: For better or worse there will never be another job created in this town without a reciprocal tax credit. Here is another example. And here's one more for today.

Father Searches For Son's Killer

Remember, it's everyone else's fault your kids are crazy and (sadly) kill themselves.

Great! More funding for math and science so that kids can get training in jobs and careers that are more expediently shipped to India.

It's okay to rob people with false hope and devotion to the invisible . . . But it's not okay to burglarize one of those operations.

They have babies the old fashioned way out in Boonville. You know, with lots of shame, risk and the authorities getting involved.

Local junkies forced out into the cold for a reason other than a relapse.

Phill Kline now spends most of his time defending himself.

Mother of the year

Please stop complaining about your mom. I'm forwarding this story to every blogger that's launched into a tirade about how their mom "just doesn't care" today.

A Kansas City mother is under arrest for allegedly leaving her one and three year old children home alone all night long.

Melonie Watkins, 22, is charged with two counts of endangering the welfare of a child.

Police were called to the Cloverleaf Apartments on 71 Highway around 10 a.m. Sunday morning. A neighbor saw the boys in the commons area of the apartment crying and sitting on the wet floor without clothes on.

Watkins came home when Police were at the apartment complex, but police say she ran from officers when they asked her to stop.

Also, I'm always saddened by the the fact instances in which infants are left alone in the real world are usually sad and depressing whereas movies like Baby Geniuses have led me to believe that a baby left to its own devices not only might have a wonderful adventure but also will come up with a bevy of clever catchphrases along the way.

I'll have to investigate

Here is why people (stupidly) keep entering J-Schools: If an eager grad ever makes his way to becoming a big time reporter . . . Conducting investigations at local strip clubs qualifies as work. Not a bad gig.

Additionally, I have no idea why the people in South KC are so upset about a strip club and whether or not it follows the rules. Sadly, that's the only kind of establishment that is ever going to invest in that community in the immediate future given that the rest of the city has pretty much forgotten about the area or, like Chuck Eddy, simply wants to repave over the whole place.

Escape from the KCMO School District!!!

Theory: It's cheaper to send parents back to college than to run an efficient school district.

KCMO School District Launches Program to Help Parents Earn College Degrees

KCMO public schools have officially tried everything proving that is now time to completely shut them down, admit failure and start over. Seriously, I don't know anybody who would willingly subject their kid to every single trendy notion in educational circles. A tried and true strategy over the years . . . Running away (as fast as you can) from a disaster.

Killing hookers won't get you killed

Normally, I'm against the Death Penalty but I figure if you kill 13 INNOCENT PEOPLE there's really not much anybody on this planet can do with you but lock you in a cage and make sure you're fed and watered regularly . . . And after awhile that not only gets expensive but it doesn't really do anybody any good. Additionally, once you get past the ass rape and high instance of disease, prison isn't that bad considering that some people even want to get back in because it beats working for a living.

Having written all this . . . It's beyond my comprehension why Jackson County prosecutor Jim Kanatzar didn't seek the death penalty for Lorenzo Gilyard. Over and over again he says that he had a case and enough evidence to go through with it but that just begs the question: Why didn't he? Even if he didn't have enough evidence, even if the thing wasn't a slam dunk . . . Seems as if nobody would have faulted him for trying to get the death penalty and losing . . . That's more an indictment of the justice system which we all know is screwed . . . It just seems as if this is a PR decision under the misguided notion that if everyone is reasonably pleased with the outcome . . . Everything is okay. Nothing is further from the truth, sometimes people need to be pissed off. While I would never do it . . . (I've heart that) There are fights worth getting into where victory is not assured (but probably not in the Middle East). The excuse about not wanting decades of appeals just doesn't cut it.

To me, it just seems like the guy took the easy way out given that former prosecutor Mike Sanders wanted to make the thing a Death Penalty case . . . Is that really, the way you want to start out? You don't have as much courage as Mike Sanders? Really? He wasn't exactly known as tough but in retrospect it seems as if he was bright enough to understand that a case like this needed somebody to go after it with a serious effort and not just treat the thing like an old file that needed to be cleared off a desk.

And then we have to get back to what the settlement means. Basically, I see it as a clear affirmation and admission that we are not equal under the law. This town doesn't value the lives of hookers or other lower class women and if they get killed, it was pretty much their own fault and no one should raise a big fuss about their deaths. Again, I don't have a problem with that point of view but everybody seems to think I'm a jerk when I write it or voice it in mixed company . . . But, given the actions of the new prosecutor, that's pretty much reality under the law in this town.

The Snowman Project

Props to Parrish for posting all of these local snowman photos. People in Brookside have some pretty decent skills when it comes to building snowmen. Nice to see that they are (or at least their kids are) pretty creative as well as being stalwart given that the place is one of the last white enclaves in KC proper.

Check'em out before they melt or before people realize that Wyandotte County isn't that bad:

brookside snowman #1
brookside snowman #2
brookside snowman #3
brookside snowman #4
brookside snowman #5
brookside snowman #6

Also, I'm guessing that building snowmen will be a long lost memory once Global Warming goes into effect . . . I only wonder if people will be inspired to be as creative with tumbleweeds and clumps of dirt.

Finally, check out "The Power of Snow" a pretty awesome post with nice photos from IrishKC.

Great Minds

File this one under Discovering the "Universal Mind" in Kansas City . . . Great post about local blogger building a web app and discovers that somebody has already built something similar.

Dallas and Rafi Strike Again

I'm amazed that blogging can take people to so many places especially since blogging rarely takes me out of my mom's basement.

Not so many posts today because I actually had to leave the basement in order to attend a local conference about blogging, the future and whatnot over at the Westin. Which means that I actually had a hot and delicious serving of Pasta Primavera for lunch today rather than my usual Snickers Bar and 3 Dr. Peppers. I'll have more details about that tomorrow but for now I want to share with you the latest installment in the adventures of Dallas Penn and Rafi Kam.

After their latest video BODEGA . . . Which was linked with a quickness on this page along with the classic "Ghetto Big Mac," they were invited to take their two man act (NO HOMO) to the Sundance Film Film festival and not just to watch Dakota Fanning get ethered. Ew.

Anyway, here is their latest update from the field from two guys who are becoming pretty damn good urban documentarians . . . Witness: "Grown Ass Spring Break."

Revenge of the Gamer

The Star reports today that a local video game champion will play/compete/escape cruel reality once again.

Steve Sanders is a lawyer in Kansas City but he was once a video game god when he was a teenager in Clinton, MO. His claim to fame was getting his photo in Life Magazine with a bunch of other nerds gamers. But now he's ready to waste time compete once again as he tries to go for the single-player record for Joust (otherwise known as the gheyest of all video games) as he participates in other competitions as well.

This is not only good news because competitive gaming might be the only sport where white people can still compete after the game becomes inundated with brown folk but also because it shows that career trajectories and time don't erase the fact that playing video games most likely offers more job satisfaction than any other gig out there. Which pretty much confirms what I thought when I was 15 years old.

Grandma and Grandpa are gonna get it

Kansas City prepares to deal with an aging population . . . Other than, ya know, neglect, a visit every few weeks, stealing money from them, switching their pills when they get out of line, pretending to be somewhere else when they tell you the same story 38 times in a row and then finally threatening to put them in the local shitty nursing home with the Black people if they dare show anybody else their bruises.

Money . . . Well . . . Spent

Once again David Smith and the KCMO Public School Board happily demonstrate for the kids that you can go a long way without reading . . . Seeing as how it's clear they did absolutely no research regarding one of their current HIGHLY PAID consultants. The Star reports that old accusations of fraud out of Rochester, N.Y., resurface against Henry Marini, a consultant to the KC school board.

The lawsuit contends that Marini helped the consultants avoid having their contract deals reviewed by the Rochester school board by structuring 12 of 13 contracts for amounts less than the $25,000 threshold that would have required board approval. The 13th contract, for $150,000, was approved by the board. The consultants received contracts totaling $420,000, the lawsuit states.

And in the middle of all this, they're still trying to figure out what schools to close in order to save money and meet the needs of the rapidly shrinking (read: eroding) district . . . Now, if they really wanted to save some cash they'd think about getting rid of the building that houses the School Board and putting the myriad of consultants and middle management administrators on the street so they could hustle contracts and undeserved paychecks from somebody else.

Something about a boat

Somebody finally describes downtown development schemes perfectly in a letter to a Sioux City paper:

"Has anyone thought about the cost? Not only the present cost, but the upkeep later on for years on end? No way can you ever come out. Downtown is not only dying, it is dead. I saw much like this when I lived in Kansas City. It is like a boat - a hole in the water in which you throw all your money."

Past time

Mayor Kay Barnes announced Sunday that she will recommend Kansas City spend $54 million this year to repair aging streets and bridges.

And if you believe that her effort is even halfway serious . . . After years of neglect deferred maintenance and the fact that Mayor Kay has put far more effort into getting familiar with local real estate developers rather than the streets of KC . . . Then I have a bridge (full of potholes) to sell you.

Penguin Pipe Dream is taking shape

A very eager fan has drawn some mock ups of possible KC Penguins uniforms . . . Sadly, they forgot to include the pie in the sky sticker somewhere in the outfit.

Funniest thing I heard about the Sprint Center trying to lure a team over the weekend: "This town is basically being played like an old whore in order to make the wife (Pittsburgh) jealous." It's a very apt comparison but sadly even broken love affairs rarely leave a $300 million buck debt.

How to beat Mexicans and Children in your spare time

Mike Hendricks turns in a great column today about legislators with too much time on their hands and the silly initiatives they come up with in order to pander to voters.

However, on the bright side, it's better politicos "reach out" to voters this way rather than attempting to talk dirty to underage boys.

When the music's over

In a move that harkens back to beating up the kids in band camp in order to get their lunch money . . . Senate Bill 222, introduced by St. Charles Republican Sen. Chuck Gross, just might, allow lawmakers access to almost $1 billion in funds reserved for, among other things, the arts. That includes about $28 million in the Missouri Cultural Trust, which was established in the 1990s as an endowment for the Missouri Arts Council.

In response, Missouri Citizens for the Arts have begun an e-mail campaign and whining to anybody who will listen.

Here's quote: "Once again, MCA will oppose all attempts made by the General Assembly to take these dollars that have kept the arts alive in Missouri," the e-mail said.

And while I think that money for Medicare and roads and similar things might be more important than funds for the Symphony and other artsy fartsy favorites . . . It just might be important that the Show-Me State offer some kind of culture besides banjo music and the screams of lost travelers getting in touch with the backwoods folks as they open their purdy mouth and squeal like a pig.

Even more unjust than the ban on minorities

Pit bull ban in JoCo parks under consideration

Brownback brings back Reagan's Ghost

By now you've no doubt heard that Brownback is throwing his hat into the 2008 Presidential Race/ring/circus/whatever. It's a good move considering that his competition is a Senator named after Osama who has been in office for 20 minutes and seems to be campaigning on his smile OR a commie broad who is as likable as Rosie O'Donnell naked, on a cold day.

Additionally, Brownback is trying to resurrect the ghost of our old president Ronnie with the following talking points:

Talking trash about the gheys

Ignore the Mexicans

and smiling a lot

Only time will tell if the guy has the good hair and complete lack of conscious to get away with it but so far he's got my vote. If only because I hope he'll bring back insane military spending with cool graphics on the nightly news AND I remember Reagan putting all of those insane homeless people on the street which always made my walks home from school more interesting as a young boy.

Finally, Brownback isn't backing the Prez on the subject of the troop escalation which so far makes him one of the few Republicans who can read a poll taken after 1994.

Baby Blunt Backs Off

Columnist Robert Novak suggests that MO Gov Matt Blunt might not run again.

While I'm sure the guy isn't going to quit political life altogether, he's probably done representing a State where the two biggest population centers can't stand the sight of him. Also, I'm guessing that simply punching poor people in the face is probably more satisfying and easier to get away with then trying to kill them via Medicare cuts.

The Side Street Shovel Shuffle

Here's a neat short film from local blogger Joe that was inspired by the snow over the weekend and the fact that many people in town claim that there is no money in the City's budget to deal with it.

On the infrequently updated KCMO website they claim that there is $1.2 million dedicated to snow removal annually but all you have to do is simply look outside to see that none of those funds are dedicated to side streets.

Overnight all of the slush from today turned to ice so I'm sure that questions regarding the effectiveness of snow removal in Kansas City are sure to be going through your head and you spin out of control and hurl toward your doom. Also, if you see a white light, it's probably not a truck spreading salt.

Finally, in order to raise money for more snow removal I think the City should start printing "I survived the Snow-pocalypse!!!!" t-shirts.

Between Paul and y'all

The Democracy and Hip-Hop project score what may be the biggest interview for a local blog in Kansas City History or at least a blogger post equally as news worthy as the time Phil Whitt threatened to punch me in the face if I didn't let him finish his hamburger in peace.

Anyway, check out the local Internet EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW with Hip Hop Impresario Paul Wall done by General Baker. The opening line accurately informs the audience that it's nearly impossible for anybody in KC to get the attention of mainstream rappers but it's very much worth the wait when it finally happens:

"Waiting on Paul Wall for an interview is like waiting for the Royals to win a World Series."

Definitely read the whole thing but I have to admit that I was surprised that the blingy rapper watches Bill O'Reilly for nearly the exact same reasons that I do . . . Which means that it might be time for me to get one those dumb ass grillz put in my mouth or maybe just chew on tinfoil to to remind me that something like that is a bad idea.

KKFI hosts a Mayoral Forum and cuts out part of the community

For better or worse, a great many people have focused their attention on recent Mayoral Forums and so many misguided folks seem to feel as if they're a pillar of the community because they participate or attend one of these boring events but the fact that these kinds of events OPENLY EXCLUDE members of Kansas City's community is almost completely overlooked.

I was fortunate enough to get an insightful e-mail from a reader who noted his concern regarding the upcoming Forum at KKFI and how it seemingly endorses a long standing case of discrimination.

I find it interesting that the progressives who inhabit KKFI all climb the stairs to create this community radio thing, however the only community served is the community that can climb the stairs. All the candidates have climbed the stairs to address this audience but . . . Anyone who uses a wheelchair for primary mobility is excluded from the KKFI community and has been since 1990.

I'm grateful that this TKC Tipster who sent the message my way accurately draws attention to the fact that the so-called community broadcaster is not wheelchair accessible and therefore the lofty ideals expressed over the airwaves of the radio station are nothing more than what he refers to as "progressive fraud."

You may disagree with the statement and call it a generalization but then again if you were in a wheelchair and unable to gain access to the building at all . . . That might just change your mind. Pitch editor CJ Janovy hasn't expressed any thoughts about the exclusion of people who use wheelchairs by of the host of this forum which she is moderating yet her "alternative weekly" is all too quick to point out the the perceived inconsistencies of everyone else.

Anyway, I think the TKC tipster raises an important point and hopefully some of the Mayoral candidates might address the subject of their tacit endorsement of discriminatory policies in an effort to garner media coverage.

Really, props to the person who drew my attention to this issue and who accurately points out that if Mayoral candidates want to represent this city . . . They need to represent all of it.

Speaking up all over KC

Listen up as Alonzo speaks out about American Gangster on KCUR. Regular readers might remember some of the story reported right here on TKC but KC Currents does an excellent job of putting the entire story into perspective and letting Mr. Washington speak for himself.

The success that Washington has had in bringing his cause to the national spotlight is a perfect example that speaking out about violence in KC and on TV isn't just for media savvy activists but anybody with blog, a voice or conscience can have an impact on the subject of local crime given that, until recently, so few people have decided to speak up.

Thanks for reading this week folks. Have a fun and safe weekend!!!

Leftover links: Here's to your health!

Here's the money quote about Health Care in Kansas City that should give you a sense of righteous indignation on your death bed: "People in Kansas City are dying" because they can't get the care or the insurance they need.

New face and name, same hopeless cause: HarmonyNCCJ has officially changed its name to Harmony and named an interim executive director.

The fall of this longtime KC tower was simply a conspiracy against poor, old people: Demolition Begins On UMKC's Twin Oaks Apartments and more footage of the Twin Oaks Apartments getting torn down OR UMKC destroying a part of KC it claims to represent.

Killer soon to be on the loose in KC?

Clifton Ray has been convicted of one Kansas City murder, charged in two others and suspected of about six more and he just might get out of jail.

A Jackson County judge ruled this week that Ray's two pending murder cases involving women strangled in 1987 and 1990 must be tried separately, a blow to prosecutors who wanted to show a pattern by linking the cases.

Further weakening prosecutors, the judge said evidence in one of the homicides was so insubstantial that the case could get dismissed.

Ray has prevailed in courts previously. In 1994, police called him the main suspect in a series of homicides at or near a downtown apartment complex. By then, he already had been charged with rape and three murders dating to the 1980s. All were dismissed for lack of evidence.

In other words, LOCK THE DOORS OF YOUR CONDO! Because massive redevelopment without even giving a second thought to crime just might get you killed.

Blogging for bucks isn't a bright idea

The folks over at the The Star's Buzz Blog were off to such a good start but now they've backtracked as they prepare to roll out a new Subscription-only political Web site called Prime Buzz.

While on the surface of things, I know that everybody celebrates any and every attempt to monetize the Internet but I've always believed that subscriptions are a bad idea and they usually mean that most folks stop reading a site especially since the KC Buzz Blog has such a niche audience. Hopefully, they'll still keep their regular content free so they'll be able to view first hand how it gets so much more traffic and creates conversation.

Still, to me, the move is representative of a lot of the elitism shown by the MSM and doesn't understand the function of a blog is to SHARE opinions, not just information and not simply to capitalize on a brand.

Missouri needs more Mexicans

Missouri's lack of population growth could cost the Show-Me State a House seat.

Say what you want about nasty illegals coming to steal your cheese but their kids who are born here (read: citizens) are not only the prefect height to clean toilets but also ensure that you get greater representation in Congress.

It's not a tantrum, it's a tumor

If you were planning on complaining about your parents today, you might want to read a recent story about a couple that neglected a developing tumor on their daughter's spine that doctors said left her unable to walk or control her bowel and bladder functions. Apparently and surprisingly it wasn't for some insane religious reason, they just thought the young woman was acting out when she didn't walk.

Please keep this story on file the next time some whiny, bitch ass friend of yours bores you to death with stories about how their parents never listen to them. Please try to resist the urge to cram the article down their throat when they start to tear up over the possibility of missing a BMW payment or similar nonsense.

What is it all about?

HBO has been killing me with all these reruns but I have to admit that the 40 year-old Virgin makes pretty good background noise no matter how many times it's on TV.

I'm not a young man anymore but I'm still trying to figure out what life is about . . . And I think the movie helped me at least in the one passage where it is revealed that life isn't about the Dirty Sanchez . . . Which is pretty much what I suspected.

The Sky is falling . . . Again!!!

If you're planning on watching network TV tonight (God Help You) don't mind all of the interruptions as local TV weather folk are already gearing up for the next, latest, biggest, newest SNOWGASM in order to inspire fear and increase ratings.

On the bright side, the resident media guy over at Bottomline Communications has recently highlighted a far more accurate and less intrusive way to get your weather in Kansas City. I know I'd rather see this new system implemented and the subsequent disappearance of those huge graphics at the bottom of the screen that take up nearly half the screen but somehow aren't important enough to appear during the commercials.

It's all up for grabs!!!

KC Hispanic news has a nice rundown of the candidates in the 4th District at-large race.

It's a pretty informative article with photos of the candidates and some details regarding their experience and qualifications. The article was written before hotel operator Doug Gamble got into the race but I'm still not sure he's on the ballot yet.

Regular readers already know who I support and I'll have more on the subject on Monday but for now I'll simply note that I like the short, chubby, cute candidate who has been involved in this community for 30 years and wasn't so image conscious that she felt she needed a Glamor Shot.

Town Topics: Suggestive stories

Blaming the old boss has already grown so tiresome: Sanders says Jackson County Faces Budget Crunch

All the glory with no gratuitous crotch shots like Britney Spears: KU Professor Gets Grammy Nomination

Embarrassingly inadequate depth: KC officials continue using backup pumps for low river.

Crowded stage for political song and dance: Thursday Night recap of the 11 KC Mayoral candidates who showed up at Melrose Methodist Church in Historic Northeast for the second major candidates forum Northeast neighborhoods have sponsored in recent years

Condos across KC: Telephone Building Condos Get Go-Ahead

Rabid Taxation

In news that will ultimately lead to the taxation of the air you breathe, in the Northland they are considering a requirement that all new dog owners to must have liability insurance.

And while I'm sure this is just ONE MORE OF MANY HURDLES that responsible pet owners are going to have to jump through I doubt the measure would do anything to benefit public safety because it's simply YET ANOTHER TAX under the guise local government giving a damn. In taxing new pet owners I simply wish they'd cut to the chase and put a tax on smiles and warm sentiments as well.

In somewhat related dog news, a local couple is searching for a stolen show dog which could mean that somewhere in this city . . . Somebody is dinning on classy Korean food tonight!

New Twist

I know, I know the spelling is different but local blog Rubrics Twist is making a return to the local blogosphere and just like the classic 80's toy which has never gone out of style for some (nerdy) folks like myself. . . More importantly, the returning blogger has an interesting and challenging spin on a variety of topics. Check out the page and enjoy the clever insights.

Blogger Backtalk: Everyday is doughnut day

A great post about common themes in this town OR Life is give and take: Wrecking Balls & Donuts

So here's what to do: KC Weekend - January 19-21

Here is probably one of the most even handed posts regarding my favorite subject: ME. A local blogger points out that no mainstream media outlet likes blogs, The KC Blue Blog knows this and he also know that: "This is Kansas City and across the country strange bed fellows are made during election season."

"Acceptance in the Kitchen" by local blogger and artist Parrish.

All of the clutter in KC . . . A very illustrative post about the deafening silence in this town.

Killer Ap

Via Boing Boing

Finally, some technology that Kansas City will adapt faster than we've taken to other trends.

The other day I saw somebody answer a pager at a 7-11, and I remembered that so many people claim this town is in desperate need of innovation. However, I'm not one to talk seeing as I have yet to take this blog Wordpress or some decent format but I'm thinking that this might be the year . . . Look for a new feed and look sometime around post 7k . . . Which is about 500 away. Also, I'm looking to put one of those music players on the site (like those crazy myspace kids) at night or on the weekend one of these days.

Anyway, like most Apple products I'm sure the thing is overpriced, but then again sleek design and user friendliness go a long way.

Hyper Sniper Hella Good

Because a local rapper from Wyandotte County isn't a hipster favorite, he doesn't spread a message of diversity and tolerance (thank God) and he actually has a decent sized fan base without pandering to local ankle grabbing music critics . . . The guy obviously doesn't get a lot of press despite his great work.

Put simply the KC area's own Hyper Sniper is damn good but you wouldn't know it if you relied on local bar gossiping writers to let you in on the not so well kept secret.

The guy's music is hard hitting. The rapping is staccato, well paced and reminiscent of some of my favorite music from the days of way back like Too Short, DJ Quick and Scarface.

By far the best track Hyper Sniper has produced is called "So Serious" and it's featured prominently on his myspace page. It's good stuff and the beat, lyrics and melody should be familiar to anyone who has pulled up to a stoplight and tried to casually avoid eye contact with the guy blasting this sort of music from the car in the next lane.

Overall I'd say that the music of The Sniper Man is refreshingly unpolished in a way that reminds me of the days when mixtapes and other bootleg material weren't considered to be crimes tantamount to terrorism and hip-hop music had yet to face it's inevitable demise in the face of hipster fans and glamor MTV cross over coverage. Incidentally, I should probably warn you that the Hyper Sniper is a white guy who uses the N-word a lot, but if that kind of thing really bothers you . . . You probably aren't a fan of rap music, Quentin Tarantino movies or anything more gruff than emo bands singing about their ex-girlfriends.

Forums are for falling asleep

Again, I've always believed that in politics as in all things it's important to never believe your own B.S. or mistakenly believe that anyone cares . . . Remember that former Congressman who probably killed one of the workers in his office but was saved by terrorists slamming into the World Trade Center? You probably don't and I'm sure that he recently had a nice holiday with his family and didn't think at all about a former lover ending up dead under a park bench or whatever . . . The short human attention span isn't just a tragic condition of our species, it's also a miraculous gift that keeps so many people from remembering what ugly children they were . . . But I digress.

As of late there is a ton of excitement over the recent Mayoral forums all over the city. Here's the latest:

KKFI 90.1 FM Mayoral Forum

When:
Tuesday, January 23, 2007, 6:00 PM
Where:
UMKC, Grant Recital Hall, Room 227
5228 Charlotte
Kansas City , MO 64110

Moderated by CJ Janovy, editor of The Pitch
Panel members: Judy Ancel, Institute for Labor Studies, UMKC
Joe Arce, Hispanic News
Patrick Dobson, eKC Online

Topics: Economic Development; Transportation; Neighborhood Services

Forum is to be broadcast live on 90.1 FM KKFI

And like cocktail parties . . . These things are so much fun but essentially meaningless. While 200 or 300 hundred people showing up at an event is fun you might consider that a local club with a garage band draws a bigger crowd. And like always it's senior citizens voting in what they believe is the Dewey vs. Truman race who will ultimately make the final decision.

Put simply, these things are either a waste of time or a clear indication that democracy isn't all it's cracked up to be and mostly a hobby of people who have an overwhelming need for approval or a wonderful naivete about the way the world works.

I've been to so many of these things over the years and noticed that the person who makes the best showing, who makes the most salient points about the important issues facing voters is NEVER THE PERSON WHO EVENTUALLY WINS. Most likely, it's the person who has the nicest haircut, tells the funniest joke more more likely has the most money to get on TV and interrupt viewer's favorite programs.

I know people like to feel they deserve a pat on the back for their political involvement or the fact that they'd actually miss a night with their loved ones (TV) to suffer through one of these things but the truth is that you're only making a difference to yourself . . . Which I guess is all that's really important . . . It's depressing to realize that no single person is as powerful as the surge of housewives and seniors who go out and base their voting on what they had for lunch . . . But I'm simply noting that you're time could be spent far more productively . . . By doing something useful, like making me a sandwich.

Unconfirmed

I feel like I've been unfair to Greg Reeves. Sure, I have disagreed with a number of things he has written over the past couple of years but not only is he probably a decent guy (I have no idea) but also because his blog is a perfect example of the fear that white people live with every day . . . Of course, crime is a big concern to everyone in KC but few people note that Black (and brown but mostly Black) people might be the most common perpetrators of crime but they're also the ones who are most commonly victimized by it (crime that is - poorly structured sentence as usual).

To wit, a recent and very interesting post about West Plaza carjackings being "kept quiet" is a good example of folks in KC living in fear . . . Mostly of the local darkies.

But to think that white people are the only ones with unheard complaints is ludicrous.

Currently, there are a number of unconfirmed complaints circling the local Latino rumor mill that unmarked police cars in Northeast are harassing every brown person driving a motor vehicle in that vicinity. Young, old, men, women . . . I've heard from more than a couple of people that a few very eager and panicked looking local police are pulling over all the darkies that cross their path and not providing any reason for it or coming up with bogus excuses like "you were swerving" as they stop somebody on an icy road.

Their mistake . . . It's the one I constantly point out on this blog . . . They seemingly can't tell mojados from Chicanos at a glance. We're all brown and while it may be a "justified" crackdown on local illegals in an attempt to regulate the ever so important dish washing industry IN THE PROCESS they've hassled folks who are citizens, professionals and who have already started the complaint process.

I don't know if this story will make the news (you know, the real news) but it's what I've heard and while some (most) of you folks believe that illegals (read: brown people) have no rights in this country even if they are brown people who are citizens that merely look like illegals they still, obviously, deserve what they get. . . This story is a great example of how we aren't that different after all because we all live in fear. Viva Bush.

The Lost Tapes

Here is today's reason that the City's earning's tax should be abolished other than the fact that it pretty much goes directly in the pocket of real estate developers or sports franchise owners. Twenty-six IRS computer tapes containing taxpayer information are missing after they were delivered to City Hall months ago. As usual, City Hall is keeping quite about the incident and nobody has said exactly what's on the tapes but I'm guessing it's probably important. No worries though . . . I'm sure the missing tapes are soon to be discovered, they've probably been misplaced and put next to Mayor Kay's plan to improve KC neighborhoods or a list KC based business which are soon to occupy the P&L district.

Eat Me

Because you're awesome, I want to help you save a buck or two . . . Looking for links concerning this town I came across KCeatcheap.com. I can't tell if it's a splog or not but the site does contain some pretty decent links and info regarding discount dining options.

I'm all for getting a bargain while having a night on the town and looking for a cheap place to eat might save you almost as much money as being a (typical) worthless broad who never picks up the check for a meal. However, to be fair (my new thing), I must confess that I refuse to "eat out" unless the woman I'm treating has washed my dishes or performed some menial task that requires sweating, spanking, a bit of crying and repetitive hand motions.

Heal thyself! Especially if you don't have insurance.

Religion Led to Woman's Death, Stillbirth . . . Racism, genocide, intolerance, pedophilia, sexism, kidnapping, persecution, people believing the earth was flat and at the center of the Universe . . . Etc., etc., etc.

Light Rail no less than 8 years away but probably never

The KC City Council is having difficulty when it comes to finding a way to finance the light rail plan . . . Actually, there are so many problems with the plan I don't think it was ever a serious proposal but simply Clay Chastian's final practical joke on this town.



My suggestion: Build a time machine into the light rail system in order to speed up the process . . . No matter how long it takes, it can travel back to the past in order to make up for lost time . . . Unless, the whole thing was a bad idea and then folks from the future might have already, clandestinely came by and told us not the build the thing because it's just an expensive, useless, waste . . . So given the fact that there isn't already light rail with time travel capability running around KC means that the plan must not have worked out. Take that Bill and Ted and Marty McFly. Bitches.

Blogger Backtalk: Kind of quiet out there

Call your congressmen and tell him that "Bloggers are not lobbyists" and then tell him to give you that 20 bucks he owes you.

Happy Birthday Infoshop!

Lee's Summit Blogger Lady laments the death of Misty Michelle Horner and questions the Blue Wall of Silence.

Pittsburgh may have sealed the deal but the (non-existent) KC Penguins still have hope.

TKC is Exclusively Amazing

I knew that you (kind of) cared.

I didn't think anybody would notice my WEB EXCLUSIVE GOODNESS but it turns out 2 bloggers did!!! While they both think I owe all of you strangers out there an explanation about my underwear size and other other details, they both have different reasoning . . .

Local blogger Dan makes me laugh because he's a white, middle class lawyer calling me corrupt.

Then Unholy Moses reasons things out a little more and decides that while I might have owed you bags an explanation regarding the contents of my lunch (mostly snack cakes) nevertheless blogs and new media are awesome.

I thank both of them of their insights and in the spirit of journalistic ethics that The Pitch has pioneered . . . Heh . . . I think that I need to reveal some other secrets that I've been keeping from you so I won't compromise the integrity (dear God) of this blog that has become Kansas City's leading referrer to half naked photos of white women.

The truth shall set me free:



I am SECRETLY in love with Beth Gottstein but because the Tall Israelis are now grouping the Mexicans together with the Arabs there is no way we could be together. However, long, long ago (8 weeks?) we spent our nights in a dank Parisian motel, locked in a passionate embrace after a threeway with Butros Butros Ghali. Our stomachs were full of cheese, pork rinds and frog legs as we spoke in hushed tones about the slew of previous lovers she had taken throughout KC's political scene in the short time she's been in town and lamented our newfound yet forbidden love (more on this later) but it was not to be (also, thank God for Trojans) . . . That is the REAL reason why I don't like her and why she always wears black.

Emanuel Cleaver is my Uncle.

Pat Gray and I regularly talk on the phone and try to come up with different offensive euphemisms for anal sex (no homo) in between our conversations regarding how to keep the space aliens at area 51 secret.

I develop Condos for a living and this entire blog has been nothing but misinformation.

I'm not a big fan of cheese.

I am a member of NOW.

I only think amnesty for illegal immigrants is a good idea because I own the Kansas City distributing rights for Chicklets.

This blog is written from a 3 bedroom luxury apartment in Overland Park, Kansas.

I'm really Filipino, I just think Mexicans are cool.

There we go . . . I hope that I have fulfilled my ethical duty because I wouldn't want somebody like Pat "King of KC Tax hikes and Country Club Kay's mouthpiece" Gray to think I'm self serving and obviously the homosexuals and causal pot smokers at The Pitch seem to think that TKC readers aren't smart enough to discern most if not all of the stupidity that I regularly spout. Yeah, who would have ever thought that a humor blog with photos of a bunch of half naked white women and a "Weather Whore" on the sidebar wouldn't be an objective news source? Also, there is no Easter Bunny or Santa Claus . . . I never specifically mentioned that fact before but it's worth noting now since I make fun of both X-mas and Jesus (not the real Black one) a great deal.

End of discussion. Or at least the last time I'll write so much about myself without nude pics of my sexual conquests to accompany.

Everything is awesome!!!

Developers give area's real estate picture thumbs up . . . I'm guessing as long as the tax subsidies keep coming!

Kansas City's real estate outlook got a uniformly upbeat assessment on Thursday from an expert panel at a Kansas City Area Development Council meeting.

It always makes me happy when rich, white guys are optimistic . . . I'm hoping that some of this good cheer will find a way to make it back to the white guys running the war in Iraq and soon to be Iran . . . I mean, all you need is a good attitude to fly in the face of the facts. Obviously, a thumbs up is just what we all needed to dismiss the fact that this country might lose a war and the misguided notion that every speculative bull market must come to an end.

Haven't they been through enough?

Here is an unfortunate, yet important headline:



And while I hope they find the Porter kids, I just assumed they were dead, I have to admit that the media spends a lot of time on issues that have absolutely no impact on the lives of people in this city but are still captivating to the point where otherwise cold cases go up the ladder because cute white kids are involved. Remember that the Missing White Woman Syndrome and all its variants are always in effect.

Yet still, I'm hoping for another Miracle in Missouri . . . Hopefully, without the any of the ass rape that Bol implies.

Let's try to talk about TIF without getting bored! OR, Mayor Kay wants to eat your soul!!!

The problems with TIF talk is that it's hard to keep people interested whenever you're relaying the details of economic policy.

HOWEVER, Mark Forsythe (no relation) does a really great job in laying out the finer points in a recent Reclaim Democracy and UMKC forum (opportunity for a nap) on the subject.

The basics and most of what has already been said concerning TIF and it's constant abuse in KC:

TIF is being misused.

There is no comprehensive TIF policy.

There is no transparency of the process.

We are damaging our economic health by including Economic Activity Taxes (EATs) as part of the incentives rebated back to the developer.

Additionally, local blogger Joe Miller wrote a recent post (about an hour ago) on the subject of the conference and the report . . . "This report is a damning indictment of Kansas City.

We all ought to be ashamed of ourselves for letting this kind of enrich-the-rich graft take place on our behalf."

I have to admit that BACKLASH AGAINST TIF is nice to see, well deserved if not a tab boring what they might do in order to spice things up is to reveal that part of TIF policy has been to let Country Club Kay fly around the city skyline at night on her broom, handing out bags of cash to crooked real estate developers while snatching Christian children from their bed in order to make cookies from their blood.

Looky Here

If you've been around the local blogosphere for awhile, you might remember Dreadnought7, he was/is a local teenage blogger with some amazing insights and writing ability.

Well, he's back and better than ever at his new blog: Out of Focus

I'm telling you, these kids with their blogs . . . Crazy, good stuff. Check it out.

Blogger Backtalk: You've been talking trash and now I'm telling your mom!!!

Disappointing, I'm the subject of a WEB EXCLUSIVE but I can find almost no bloggers who really care about it enough to mention . . . Either The Pitch or interest in Me and my dumbass opinions aren't subject of much concern in the local blogosphere. I'll say it's The Pitch that misunderstands what people care about because so many people know I'm cool/gully/awesome!!!

ANYWAY, here's the best from the blogosphere with a special shout out to all of your mothers.

TOAST TALKS TRASH!!!!! It's not every day when one of the best, sweetest and AWESOME local bloggers reveals her "DEEPEST, DARKEST, TRASH(Y) FANTASY" for the world to see.

"It's about the tendency for people in KC to freak out whenever they see a cardboard box anywhere other than a UPS drop off site."

My award for best cyst story ever written by a local blogger. WITH PICS!!!

Kline in need of cash?

It's all good: Taco Bueno in KC

Lunch near the Crossroads . . . A great guide to places I can't afford.

The KC Catholic informs us about a lot of people thinking about upcoming changes in Vatican II

It's official! Nadia Pflaum wants to have sex with me!!!

Here is the awesome folks . . . I knew this site would lead to poon-tang one way or another and I've spent enough time PROVING that female journalists in this city are skanks but my efforts have finally paid off!!!

Club hopper Nadia Pflaum has finally put down her drink long enough to not only admit that she gets most of her story ideas from this page BUT ALSO she takes time to spread my (worthless) political message to all of her readers.

Notice how she accurately, lovingly quotes me in the greatest detail and makes sure that her story includes every nasty thing I've written about Beth Gottstein!!!!

Typically, she doesn't get the half story and I've got plenty, plenty more nasty commentary regarding a slew of candidates that you might find as news worthy as the folks at The Pitch, KC's former alt news source.

Still, it's nice to see the Tall Israeli media in action defending one of their own, a couple of casual pot smokers at The Pitch offered me a chance to respond but the awesome thing, the thing that you should take from this is that I don't need to SUBMIT anything to them . . . I have a blog with readership comparable with their "web exclusive" (read: Not important enough to print). Natch.

Also, and more importantly: Nadia, we won't be getting down until I see some nude pics. Sure, you look fine (read: okay) up top but I wanna check out the whole package before invest my 3 and 1/2 inches minutes.

Double Bonus: Nice to see that Pat Gray took time from his yacht paid for by KC tax increases to diss my blog. I consider it a merit badge of sorts that scumbag doesn't think much of my humble place on the net.

Nothing New

Here's my "same old story" segment of the day . . . A 10 year old kid was shot in the leg on the Eastside AND UMKC police are "investigating" random (read: typical) crime near campus.

During my days at UMKC, I noticed that the campus cops (who are actually KCPD officers who have made someone very mad or don't have much ambition - I kid, I kid) were more interested in keeping me from editing video late at night than actually fighting crime.

Here is their magically delicious and politically incorrect (yet informative) press release involving the latest mugging near my old hangout:

**********************************************
On January 14, 2007 at 5:32 p.m., the UMKC Police Department received a call on a reported carjacking at 54th Street and Rockhill. The victim was not a UMKC student.

It was reported that the victim left her car running on 54th street and that the vehicle was locked. Upon returning to the vehicle to leave she was confronted by three African American males all wearing similar black clothing and all armed with handguns. They took her keys and drove off with the vehicle.

There was no reported physical injury.

The Kansas City, Missouri, Police Department is conducting an investigation of this incident. However, if you have any information or were in the area of this incident about the time it occurred, please don't hesitate to call the UMKC police department at 235-1515 and ask to speak with the supervisor on duty.
***********************************************

In the Communication Studies Department, that's what we call "Good Spin." The victim was not affiliated with the school, nobody was hurt AND it was street crime among Black people that shouldn't bother you as long as your fees are paid. Right!

It's sadly reassuring that I'm not the only one who hasn't made any progress since I graduated from college. Seems like UMKC is still bogged down with sharpening their image rather than making any real moves forward.

Special thanks to a TKC tipster who helped with this post!!!

Things are getting so high in this town

The obnoxiously celebrated Crossroads district is now too expensive for any local artists to afford and is yet another sign that so-called "redevelopment" isn't working in Kansas City.

The whole story is strange to me given that when something is too expensive for pretentious white people . . . It's downright foreign to me. In order to correct this horrible injustice against humanity there is a massive scheme plan to keep rents down in the Crossroads . . . Because artists are far more important than small businesses or brown people!!!

Here's the deal:

Artists, their landlords and others engaged in cultural endeavors would have their property taxes frozen for 10 years and future increases reduced by half for an additional 15 years under the plan endorsed Wednesday by the City Plan Commission. It is expected to be introduced to the council by the end of the month.

Of course there is going to be wide spread extremely vocal support for this plan among rich kids who want something to in the inner city without resorting to hanging around minorities but there is a bit of a logical inconsistency among people getting behind this thing (no homo?) . . . If defacto tax exempt status for suburban McMansion dwellers is wrong then tax free status for douchebags like Stretch must also be out the question since he's got just as much (if not more money) and simply is the same kind of upper class creep only wearing at t-shirt instead.

Think about it before you're tricked by this article to think that you're on the side of starving artists instead of simply smaller corporate entities.

Let's all get in on this one

The Star reports that A judge recently ordered Johnson County District Attorney Phill Kline to participate in a grievance hearing for eight fired employees who filed a lawsuit to get back their jobs . . . Proving that you actually have to get a court order to get the guy to pay attention to anything other than invading your medical privacy or the indiscretions of young women.

Speaking of, I found this photo on Binky Boodle's well publicized Flickr page . . . In doing "research" on the subject I've come to the conclusion that this "photographer" has to be a dude who just trolls the net for scantily clad photos of college women, right? Because the possibility that this is a woman who knows so many hot chicks makes my brain want to explode and may prove to the the downfall of all men given that broads this good looking hanging out with one another probably aren't very interested in men . . . Or, more likely not interested in dudes who only have access to skanky 20 something broads on the Internet.

Nobody cares about Kansas City enough to blow it up

A suspicious device that had nearly every TV news station in town atwitter turned out to be nothing more than old car parts. Of course there's a bomb threat in this town every month and (thankfully) seldom does something blow up. It makes me wonder if this kind of thing reveals the paranoia all over this country when we realize that car parts or cookies can't hurt us and if the "war of terror" is going to kill somebody you love the method will most likely be a military draft and not a random act of violence. Oh, and just so you don't think I'm crazy . . . You're much more likely to be killed by lightning or randomly shot on the Eastside than either one of those previously mentioned scenarios.

Tell Me Lies

I don't know about you but we're not even halfway in to campaign season in Kansas City and we've been inundated with promises that guarantee nearly everything from a chicken in every pot to a white woman in my bed . . . Which is all I really care about anyway.

Don't get it twisted, some of the things being mentioned are downright essential to the survival of this city and it's good to hear somebody talk about these issues but most of you might remember Country Club Kay promising attention to KC's Neighborhoods when she entered office and doing anything but pay attention to the will of her citizenry once she earned the title. Put simply, there is no promise that people in KC haven't heard from a politician.

What might be just as important is what they've already accomplished and a bit of their rep.

But when a member of the City Council starts talking smack about changing this town you can't take it too seriously.



On a very personal note Beth Gottstein's vicious and misguided little whispering campaign against yours truly in the Latino community points out quite a few things as well . . . First of all, she wears Black way too much to be trusted (Goth chick?). She can't take a joke. Unlike smarter web denizens she doesn't know this page is half satire, mostly links and all B.S. AND the fact that she would even bother with my dumb ass proves that her priorities are insane and she doesn't know that I only date white women with big asses.

Additionally, I find it puzzling that Janice Ellis is making Education one of her main issues when THE MAYOR HAS ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER WHAT HAPPENS IN THE KCMO SCHOOL DISTRICT. Of course, she's talking about using the office as bully pulpit but those of you who have any history in this town might remember Mayor Cleaver's efforts to cut down truancy only resulted in a few kids forced to attend violent, inefficient and substandard schools and after a few months nobody remembered his efforts anyway.

But don't think that I'm claiming that political experience is a must . . . 4th District Council Candidate Mark Forsythe is a newcomer to political office but he has clearly shown everyone what he thinks about the issues facing this city and his thought process regarding this town's problems. Not to mention that he actually does have a decent amount of experience in neighborhood issues and not just small time politics and cocktail parties.

But the thing is . . . And this is a constant complaint of mine . . . Is that oftentimes local political coverage often fails to report the cynicism that's an integral part of Kansas City's election process. If you really look around the upcoming primary you'll see few people attending events, sparse voter turnout come the cold ass day of the election and little overall interest . . . But the stories will make it seem as if this next election is the center of the universe for people in KC and local politicos unfortunately believe the hype as well.

Whereas, the reality in this town is that people seldom trust promises from strangers but instead would rather know what kind of person your are, what you've accomplished and why they should care.

Dig on swine: Pig jokes would be too easy

Ricardo Herrera is a great guy, the Tenderloin Grill on the Boulevard is an institution and I'll admit the local police are just as likely to save my ass as shoot me or Taser me to death so I don't want crack too hard on either one of them while noting a recent Star feature which detailed how eating a pig snoot sandwich is a right of passage for members of the KCPD.

Additionally, I did not know that pig snoot (I thought it was snout) is a popular local dish among the hardened arteries set in this town . . . And all of this inspires me to take the day off from giving my favorite vegetarians a hard time and see if it's not warm enough (up to 12 degrees already!) to take a walk.

It's complex

A recent study ranks KC 37th among nationwide apartment market having recently dropped two places.

However, there is hope for an upswing if Jupiter aligns with Mars, cats and dogs get along, the local economy turns around despite downsizing and layoffs or white people overcome their fear of Black people and downtown redevelopment attracts someone besides journalists looking to crossover into PR work.

Sadly, the survey doesn't list where KC ranks in terms of having to listen to your ugly neighbors hump, breathe their pot smoke when they're up late doing bong hits or count how many times they can play the latest Brooks & Dunn tune in a row . . . Because I'm guessing we're pretty close to the top in that category.

TKC Morning Link Dump 1/17/07

Be thankful it was a BB and not a bullet OR Kids already in training to shoot strangers.

They need your blood for something other than the adventures of GW Bush in the Mideast.

It's too cold to learn but you might want to make your kid realize the importance of transportation issues and the fact that a small ice storm puts our city's progress and that of humanity in perspective.

Jolie Justis is a clumsy broad with big feet and now a broken toe . . . You don't even want to know the other nasty link comment I had in mind.

I guess a condo was the preferred X-mas gift instead of actually being part of this town's rapidly eroding neighborhoods: Kansas City-area house sales were down in December.

Only the corruption and mismanagement is allowed to stun you at the Jackson County Courthouse: Jackson County Legislature on Tuesday made it illegal to carry a stun gun into any county building. So, you can't carry stun guns to Arrowhead or Kauffman either because the play of the mediocre teams will stun and incapacitate you enough already.

It was/is NOT Da Bomb on the outskirts of Kansas City.

New automated Water Meters in Kansas City are hopefully the non-exploding in cold weather kind . . . Funny how the method for billing you is always up to date and effective even if the services aren't.

TKC local model of the moment

There are certain things that make me call into question my existence . . . For instance, when I contemplate the vastness of the Universe or wonder why human history has been marred by war and strife yet we still can't peacefully work past our problems . . . Oh, and the fact that there is a woman THIS FREAKING HOT who actually resides in the metro area.

While I have to call into question anybody who refers to this town as K.illa C.ity there is still no denying that the Myspace page of Jaded by Sophia Murcielago might be one of the beautiful attractions in this town or at least a lot better to look at then those goofy ass shuttlecocks people pretend to like . . .

Additionally, considering that most of my Saturday nights consist of getting some Chinese food and watching Aqua Teen Hungerforce reruns I have to say that this 25 year-old model's exciting life make me feel even more worthless . . . Which isn't a bad thing considering that I'd look ridiculous wearing her skimpy outfits at the club and should rightfully feel "less than" because I can't entice people to buy 10 dollar beers.

Not only does she hang out with a ton of B-list celebrities but she also holds the honor of being the first gogo dancer to grab a pole (hehe) at local den of inequity club Blonde:



And I know that some of you might think I'm being ironic but if you look at the myriad of pics she hosts on her myspace page (which nearly crashed my crappy computer) you might simply have to admit the fact that she is not only better looking then you but also a better person. If you look close enough there is also a shot of her hanging with Tech N9ne, if you don't want to commit suicide because you suck already.

Dancer, DJ, Model . . . Damn, this woman has it all and I think I just might give up the Internet and crawl under a rock if she doesn't accept my friend request.

Blogger Backtalk: Burgers, Barbecue and Broken Dreams

Local Burger might not improve your cholesterol but it will help your self-esteem.

Another good review for local blogger/writer Joe's book which, if you haven't already, you should go out and read!!!

Again, Kobach does nothing but create problems for anyone silly enough to support him and his failed crusades.

Iced Bushes . . . Safe for work and not sexy chicks, naked in the cold.

AN AMAZING POST BY LMC shows her to be not only a thoughtful and insightful conservative but also one with a memory: When it comes to McCain Just say No!! For more on the subject you also might want to check out LA writer Matt Welch and his incisive thoughts about McCain. Money Line: You do realize, don't you, that we're talking about a guy whose nickname well into adulthood was "McNasty"?

While this Chiefs have only purchased the services of discount players at the end of their career under the (mis) direction of Carl Peterson, I have to admire this blogger's optimism: Five free agents who can help Kansas City in 2007

Local teenage blogger contemplates life after leaving town . . . This missive on Leaving Kansas City makes me realize how many amazingly talented bloggers there are out there . . . And how a great number are nearly half my age.

Why not KC barbecue?: A thoughtful question posed to the Star in a letter to the editor . . . However, it will probably be answered when the P&L District inevitably becomes yet another empty, downtown wasteland akin to Union Station.

We're gonna need more Tartar sauce

A new world record Common Carp captured by Dieter Markus Stein on the 17th December 2006 at 84 lbs. caught from waters in Germany.

Via Ramsey at Across-the-Board.

The Drone Wars

Upon first checking the news this morning I realize (again) that the world is already at war and I don't have to wait for it . . . And to think at the end of President Clinton's term the biggest item of public discourse was the ethics of blowjobs . . . The following headlines might make you want to bury your head in your warm blankets rather than face cold, cold reality . . . At least that's the feeling they inspire in me:

Yep, we're going to War with Iran. It's only a matter of time . . . Iran shoots down U.S. spy drone.

While, in search of an interesting angle, the media wants to inspire racial hatred instead of acknowledging that scumbag gangsters have went after each other and involved innocent victims in their path of destruction since the beginning of time . . . Racial Hate Feeds a Gang War's Senseless Killing . . . If you want to see a very smart person fall for the hype (or at least exploit it for your entertainment) check out Bol's earlier post on the subject . . . Jesse Jackson is a cholo's best friend.

And just in case you forgot about other engagements . . . The U.S. is considering raising troop levels in Afghanistan as well . . . Because, historically Arab, Persian, Muslim, whatever adventures are a lot easier to get into than they are to get out of . . . I guess Neocons never heard of the Crusades or watched Lawrence of Arabia. Lord I knows it required all of my effort to peel myself out of my seat and extract myself from that beautiful yet horribly boring ass movie.

However, it's not all bleak and horrible . . . There are people who know their way around this crazy, mixed up world and can help guide you through. For instance, check out BILLY SUNDAY's Guide To Black Women's Hair and realize that with dedicated study, you can also understand even the most incomprehensible subjects.

That's cold

Here's a quick list of mean things you can do in this sort of weather:

1. Decide that you now have an "outside" cat.

2. Pull up next to a local homeless beggar and say that you can't hear him over your heater.

3. Steal somebody's car while they are trying to warm it up.

While the first two are sort of funny and mean, the last one is simply inexcusable even if it happened to people who probably deserved it in Johnson County.

Also, the fact that people would steal your car while it's warming is one of many reasons why I don't bother heating my vehicle and instead jump into the drivers seat without even scrapping off my windshield . . . This practice thwarts thieves, makes driving around town an adventure AND improves my memory.

Counterpunch

Today Phill Kline was sued by the folks he recently fired from the Johnson County District Court. Considering that firing somebody because they were a member of the wrong political party or because you don't like their friends probably isn't a valid excuse, I wonder what his defense will be . . . I'm guessing that it might somehow involve abortion and God and the Bible or maybe something even cooler like Fonzie so there's no way you could disagree with the guy.

Also, I think wrongful termination lawsuits might be good practice for lawyers in JoCo considering that Sprint layoffs and the prospect of an inevitable economic downturn that comes with losing a war might make these kind of cases even more commonplace.

Born to Run

The way I figure it, over the remaining weeks until the primary there might a few more candidates for Mayor that jump into the race at the last moment.

Also, does anybody else find it a little smarmy that the first thing politicos in this town do when they decide to run is to talk about how much money they have in their coffers? I've yet to see an expensive campaign commercial that has fooled me into forgetting that the person running for office may or may not be a creep. There is a reason why pigs don't wear lipstick.

Anyway, thanks to local blogger Laz I found Albert Riederer's new website.

On the bright side, he is a KC native but that's also the same rhetorical device I use to defend myself after I write something offensive, stupid or simply wrong. Additionally, I grew up with images of the guy in my head given the fact that he's always been on TV especially during my formative years. Therefore I always thought he was Captain Kangaroo's younger brother . . . Tell me there is not a resemblance?

Anyway, the point is . . . According to my calculations since there are so many people in the primary, a candidate needs only 11 or 12 votes in order make it to the next level . . . These odds are going to get even better as I get into the race along with a few other people I know. Again, I figure that a night of heavy binge drinking with a little extra cash might earn me enough "friends" to get a place on the ballot.

Of course, I advise you and your loved ones to run as well so we might all have a chance to have a say in the future of Kansas City or at least put it on our resume which might be the only thing that most of the candidates already on the ballot are getting out of it.

Sell something to Kansas City other than Condo speculation

Getting certified as a minority owned business has many benefits given that Kansas City has awarded $114.5 million to minority businesses. I know those kind of stats make a lot of my white readers mad but you can take solace in the fact that hardly any of that money was connected to Downtown redevelopment.

Kansas City is part of the "animal science corridor"

I did not know there was much science involved in cooking them. However, the story is really about big biz in town given that Four of the world's top 10 animal health companies are either based in the area or use Kansas City as their U.S. headquarters.

All the little lies

I've never claimed to have a monopoly on the truth. In fact, the only thing I've been completely honest about on this page is that TKC is a(n attempt at) humor blog.

But whether or not I wrote this blog I would still see the inaccuracies and outright falsehoods propagated by people who do this stuff "professionally."

Regarding the recent KC Weddings Bridal Spectacular in Overland Park . . . I noticed that the Star chose to plug their coverage of the event using a Black couple who modeled at the event . . . A small gesture to be sure but one that seemingly attempts to ignore the fact that a great number of Black people in this country have (wisely) given up on marriage.

The number of Black married couples is only half the number of married Whites, and the situation is getting worse. In 1963 when Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech, more than 70 percent of all Black families were headed by married couples. In 2002 that number was 48 percent.

A more eloquent take on this subject comes from writer Joy Jones in the Washington Post who proclaimed last year that: "Marriage Is for White People"

Thing is, I don't see the situation as bleak. To date and up close, I have not seen one marriage that I thought was happy. Sure, I am acquaintances with a few wonderful couples who just might make it . . . But nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors and according to statistics the overwhelming majority of their relationships are pretty much doomed within less than 10 years. Why do I sound so confident that the end of marriage as an institution is the way of the future? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that even Chinese farmers who finally scrape together two nickels are rushing to get divorced nowadays.

So, as in every other field, Black people are setting the trend. Not getting married is the new bling! Think of it as Hip-hop without the violence, anger and only half of the misogyny.

The way I look at it, even a good marriage is still going to end in death.

Think I'm being too negative? Take a moment to talk to someone who has been divorced, they sound remarkably similar to war veterans who have went through major combat.

But back to my point: For historical, or economic or recreational reasons Black people aren't getting married in this country. Lucky stiffs. But on the front page of The Star's website that fact is not reflected, instead what you're seeing is an editorial decision that flies in the face reality . . . Which has to be somewhat reflective of the other opinions offered by the paper.

Yet Another Example: KC's WATER INFRASTRUCTURE IS OLD AND BUSTED

If you've lived in KC more than a couple of years, unlike most journalists in this town, you might remember those pricey water/sewer bonds that local voters naively passed.

Turns out, just as I and many others predicted, most of those funds went to insuring that downtown loft dwellers and shopping malls and sports teams had better access to this town's pipes while little if any consideration was given to neighborhoods or anyone on the outskirts of this town who live with outdated drainage and water infrastructure.

Do you dare doubt me?

Well, consider my theory proven every time a local water main burts when it gets cold . . . Which has been a common occurrence over the past few weeks. This morning, a pretty good sized water main break on 106th Terrace and Walnut proves my point that this town's leadership has completely neglected every part of this city that can't be turned into loft space or other ponzi schemes.

Defending the getaway driver

Shannon Aufai, 18, drove the car for a couple of guys who killed two people and shot a child in the arm that later had to be amputated but her mom is vehemently defending her claiming that the young woman was "too kind hearted and naive."

Colder than the cockles (heh) of Country Club Kay's heart

It's cold and failed J-students all over the area are writing about it. Still, I can't help but think of sex talk with all the constant mention of slick spots, wintery mix and a slow, frosty crawl.

Top Dog in this town

The Labrador Retriever Is Kansas City's Most popular dog according to American Kennel Club's Kansas City office (I guess).

Here is a list of the also-rans:

Kansas City 2006

2. German Shepherd Dog Boxer Yorkshire Terrier
3. Golden Retriever
4. Dachshund
5. Pomeranian
6. Chihuahua
7. Poodle
8. Bulldog

And you guessed it, nowhere in this list does the pit bull rear it's head (in order to bite off yours). This is strange considering that local pit bulls completely dominated media coverage last year and that should have boosted their name recognition and popularity. Obviously, the Kennel Club crowd isn't swayed by local media coverage that would have you believe that this city is filled to the brim with poor people and their vicious, killer dogs. Either that or they aren't big fans of DMX.

So there you have it . . . TV time doesn't always win the top spot, which is a lesson I hope resonates among the current crop of political candidates because I'm not looking forward to seeing their mugs on television. In fact, I'd rather be mauled to death by a pit bull than have to look at Kathryn Shields one more time.

Lame Breaking News: Steve Penn and The Star take a tour of KC Mayor websites

And only half a month behind local blogger Laz and BlogKC.

Proving my theory once again that generic college skanks are all the same

University of Colorado To Double For KU

For a change: Posting photos might have saved missing kid

Strange, because for the most part that's usually what leads to a disappearance for Internet users.

One BILLION Dollars!

The Greater Kansas City Community Foundation surpassed the $1 billion mark in 2006 for grants given to nonprofit organizations serving charitable causes.

The group started with only 10k in '78. And to think that they have now raised enough money that would maybe fund a half a week for U.S. forces in Iraq.

Alternate Source: Cost of Iraq war nearly $2b a week

Tuesday Twofer

Two shot on Troost. More typical than tragic.

If you're walking, nobody cares about your commute

I can't really argue with the assertion by this local blogger that pedestrians in Kansas City are treated like second class citizens.

The best beginning to a blogger post that I've read in a long time:

"I stopped believing anything the government has ever told me when I reached the age of reason."

Breaking Down Becky Nace

A nice review of a sub par candidate, I think the authors are too nice but they're just getting started. Here's another up close and personal post about the broad from a local blogger.

24: The only place on TV where neocons are winning

LMC provides some great insight into 24, most likely the best "conservative themed" fictional show on TV if you don't count Hannity & Colmes.

Rock Chalk you can eat my . . .

While officially (like some kind of turd) I was in the digestive tract of the UM system I'm not a fan of the Tigers per se. However, I always root for them when they encounter the Jayhawks. And I'm always disappointed . . . In much the same way that I'm disappointed with the 80-77 KU victory last night.

I suppose I root for the Tigers because their connection is closer to Kansas City even if KU happens to have greater physical proximity. Several kids from the metro area have gone on to play at MU whereas KU recruits from throughout the country with only a few local names appearing once in a while. Case in point: The Greatness of Anthony Peeler is still recalled among local basketball fans to this day. He played back when Paseo was not yet an "Academy" and they had a basketball team; before they spent millions (Billions district wide) in a plan (that didn't work) to attract white kids to KCMO public schools. Anyway, back then Paseo basketball games were like a combination between a religious revival and a political rally. Think Friday Night Lights only without any white people. I was honored to see Peeler throughly kick the ass of a Catholic school team that I had some loose affiliation with (I think somebody's cousin played for them or something) . . . Truly, the guy was a man among boys and I have yet to see that much athletic skill and acumen up close since that night . . . The guy must have scored 30 points before the half. I remember sitting in an auditorium surrounded by more screaming, cheering Black people than ever before and taking a moment to appreciate the controlled chaos while "my side" of the high school gym was throughly morose while having their ass handed to them on the court.

Later on, when Peeler played for MU, I almost felt a connection to the University as if the guy's success was somehow reflective of the talent that came from KC. Of course, even though I'm fathletic there's still no way I ever could have played basketball competitively but nobody can resist a "hometown kid makes good" story.

To some extent, I think that MU keeps some of that spirit by continuing to recruit local athletes while I think of KU as the Starbucks of basketball. Sure, they're successful as hell but if you look past the victories you might see a cold, heartless monster that's only there to make money. Additionally, I kind of feel the same way about former Chiefs center Tim Grunhard coaching football at my old high school . . . Sure, it's great to have access to a pro but most (all) of those pasty white kids have no hope of a football career. It's much more beneficial to have a coach who is a teacher or some kind of member of the community without the minor celebrity status that might bring huge alumni donations but doesn't really have any role in the lives of the students. But I digress, because I usually rip up all of the donation letters addressed to me.

Finally, the irony of inherent in watching collegiate sports gets me all the time and it's why I can't watch college basketball . . . It's just strange to see a court full of basically professional Black athletes entertaining a student body that is overwhelmingly white yet they all claim to be "students" at the same University . . . Just a thought.

NHL doesn't have enough talent for an expansion

They say that hockey's worldwide talent pool isn't large enough for 30 NHL teams to stock the shelves. Fortunately, I think the Penguins moving to KC might help both the NHL and KC given that this town is accustomed to teams with no talent, so it's not like we would dry up the supply.

Is Kansas City next?

According to the New York Times the condo market in DC, Vegas, Miami and Boston has collapsed. I'm thinking that this town could also be in for a similar correction given the fact that none of those cities have completely based their future on rich, hipsters and their fickle tastes with as much vigor as Kansas City. This begs the eternal question: If you forgo your tax base in order to lure developers and nobody comes, does it matter? Also, the sound of one hand clapping is "wooosh."

Drink MLK Down

I have not compiled a list of cool MLK events today in KC because it's cold, icy, I have better things to do and I've never been to one.

I should note the Star's Fuzzy Thompson tribute which profiles a local leader who clearly has PROFITED from the legacy of MLK.

Of course, it's (not) worth mentioning a small contingent of people opposed the holiday like Dick Cheney.

However, the thought that any holiday should "mean" something beyond an excuse to drink or shop is UnAmerican. For me, the problem with this holiday is that it means nothing more than bad speeches, white guilt and some dude in the background of a TV News shot wearing a Dashiki. Also, there's really nothing appropriate to shop for on this day other than a bullet proof vest or maybe a pair of walking shoes . . . Depressing, I know. So I'm thinking that this day should be combined to commemorate the death of James Brown as well and just maybe we could have a celebration that not only honored Black history and culture but also provide a chance to get hammered and possibly get involved with in an interracial hookup that only seems embarrassing in the event of an untimely death. It's not exactly a dream but a still a damn good idea nonetheless.

Prophecy

1. Guilt: The Judeo-Christian gift that keeps on giving or at least ensures that folks will turn back to their religious roots as they get older.

2. Catholic "Molest kids and get transfer" coupons no longer valid.

3. New Age is now synonymous with "only completed one college course in psychology."

4. Continue to ignore the 13% of the world's population that believes in some form of Hinduism.

5. 69 virgins is a lot sexier number than 70.

6. Anyone who uses the term "righteous anger" gets a purple nurple.

7. Buddhism and Kung Fu now sold separately.

8. You must pick one additional crazy thing from Leviticus to believe in order to earn verbal ghey bashing privileges.

9. Search for an atheist who doesn't also happen to be in relatively good health continues.

10. Jesus: Still Black for more than 2000 years.

Click here for more Religious Trends for Kansas City in the coming year.

TKC Link Dump: 1/15/07

Nearly a dozen could be inconvenienced: Amtrak Shuts Down Some Services Between Kansas City, St. Louis

It's time to panic when water freezes, at least according to Baby Blunt or I wish he would show half as much concern for KC and STL: Icy Weather Hits Missouri, State of Emergency Declared

White guys CAN jump (justice) after all: Wittig seeks early release from prison

Show Me State politics continue the proud tradition of poisoning the well of public interest: Attorney General Jay Nixon has jumped into the fray over how many Republicans Gov. Matt Blunt can appoint to the Clean Water Commission

Northland folks should think about telecommuting soon: Federal Highway Administration gave state highway planners the environmental clearance they needed to proceed with the Paseo Bridge project.

Missouri Miracle points out the importance of mind control: Hiding in plain view, missing Missouri boy was controlled by his captor, experts say

State seemingly wants to sponsor private translating services or Hapless gesture once again shows how profitable it is to speak two languages: Measure Calls For English As State's Official Language

It's only called "stalking" when it's an ex-girlfriend: Cybersleuths dig up dirt as high-profile crimes unfold

John Fairfield and his Friends

So many candidates for mayor this year are bending over backwards in order to get the half dozen or so votes it'll take to advance to the primary but it seems like Councilman Fairfield is the nearly as bad as Kathryn Shields as making the money that goes through his hand seem unseemly.

To wit, Fairfield got more than $5100 in campaign contributions last year from entities connected with Briarcliff who seem to represent the SuperTif silliness that's going on North of the River.

Previously, you might remember that Fairfield has already had a history in this campaign of calling on his friends at what might be considered inappropriate times. Let's not forget that after voting to restore the old plea agreement system in Municipal Court, Fairfield reportedly placed several quickly ensuing e-mails and asked how much defense attorneys were contributing to his mayoral campaign.

Records show that Fairfield sent his e-mail later that day or early Sept. 8 from his Northland law office. But it was inadvertently picked up in a string of e-mail responses that eventually were sent back Sept. 8 to Fairfield's City Council e-mail. Fairfield and his campaign staff said the private e-mail should not have been sent to his public council account.

The e-mails showed, and campaign disclosures confirmed, that deVries' firm on Sept. 8 gave $250 to Fairfield's mayoral campaign and another attorney in the firm donated $200.

Fairfield said a fundraiser for him Sept. 7 at a Northland restaurant had been planned for weeks and numerous attorneys were invited. He said the fundraiser "just happened" to fall on the night of the vote for defective-equipment pleas.

Anyway, as the Mayor's race gets closer, I just think it's important to see how hard the candidates rely on their friends and that some of them are working their e-mail accounts harder than a Nigerian aristocrat who wants to move funds out his country quickly.

Will the scrolls save Union Station?

I have no idea how they came up with this figure but I'm guessing that it involves voodoo, chicken bones and a lot of high hopes: Still, Union Station estimates that as many as 200,000 visitors will see the Dead Sea scroll exhibit. Ten thousand tickets have already been purchased. At 20 bucks a ticket that's nearly enough to cover January's heating bill for the behemoth Kansas City cash drain.

Still, I have a hard time believing anything about the Dead Sea Scrolls, even hopeful numbers that will never be confirmed. Now, a tortilla giveaway featuring the face of Christ in a random batch, that's a magically delicious idea that's sure to draw a crowd.

Hendricks no homo? Refers to male soccer stars as "hot."

I guess Victoria Beckham is all right for a British broad given that she doesn't look as if you'll catch an STD immediately after shaking hands with her. Still, I have absolutely no idea why anyone would bother to note that David Beckham and the Galaxy will play a regular-season match right here in Kansas City against the Wizards.

I guess it's exciting if you follow soccer but I don't think I'm out of line noting that the sport has yet to catch on here given that I never notice a crowd for Wizards game and the people of Johnson County have yet to find a way to make KC proper folks pay for the privilege of them watching the sport in our city. And yes, I'm aware of the suburban soccer culture and the "soccer mom" but I believe that is only another example, like my dating life, that white women will do anything.

So, I'm not excited about yet another millionaire athlete in townd but I do find it strange that local columnist Mike Hendricks fawns over a couple of Eurotrash soccer dudes in his most recent column. Obviously, I'm not so childish as to believe those horrible rumors spread among (real) football players that anyone who plays soccer is the ghey, but sometimes I wonder.

Santa died in Kansas City

By now you've already heard time and again that Larry Stewart, a millionaire who became known as Secret Santa for his habit of roaming the streets each December and anonymously handing money to people, died Friday.

So assuming that you're not too broken up over the passing of someone you've never met (funny seeing as how as you most likely neglect your own family) let's assume you can think critically about the subject or at least laugh about it in a Mexican tradition that's as old as disrespect for the laws that white people arbitrarily create and then selectively enforce.



First of all, I don't get upset just because Laura Mortiz wells up with tears as she reads from the teleprompter and sad music plays in the background.

But you should know that I have not once, ever, given money to anyone without expecting something in return.

Therefore I never understood the Secret Santa story because it went against everything I was taught as a child: Don't take/give money from strangers. Don't expect anyone to give you something for nothing and never believe something a white guy says when he's smiling.

While this advice has made my interactions with members of the law enforcement community more direct and efficient . . . It has done little to help me understand why somebody would give money to the dregs of humanity just to see them smile. I've always known that everybody has a motive . . . Mother Teresa (who also had her detractors) wasn't out there cleaning sores and feeding untouchables because she liked it . . . She was trying to impress God . . . Call it a real estate investment for the afterlife.

And as the media blitz leading up to the death of KC's Secret Santa ensued, I've been constantly linking this important article about why philanthropy isn't all it's cracked up to be . . . The author the essay puts it far more eloquently than I ever could:

We have grown so accustomed to the accumulation of wealth in the hands of the few that we no longer ask where Gates' and Buffett's money comes from. Instead, we celebrate the fact that they and a few others like them have given away their fortunes to good causes. Shouldn't we also be asking, as Carnegie's critics did 120 years ago, about the health of a society that looks to handouts from the wealthy to alleviate poverty, cure disease, and make the schools work?

And again, the money quote of this article sums it up nicely: A society could make no greater mistake than asking charity to do the work of social justice.

Then again, I've never received a 100 dollar bill gratis so I have no experience with the other side of this argument but I will note that even charity work is providing a service to those who undertake it . . . Essentially, nothing in this world is altruistic and even charity offers rewards as substantial as relieving guilt which is no small feat if you're a white male in this country.

And as far as method goes . . . I've always felt that finding people in the street and handing them money was an inefficient and scatter shot approach . . . There are tons of social services agencies who do this kind of work better and you also run the risk of helping people who might not "deserve" it.

But then again, it was his money and if he wanted to use it to make origami ducks then that was his right . . . But does it make him a hero?

If so, then the fact that a few years ago I used to hang out in KC clubs and randomly buy 5 dollar drinks for chubby, skanky bar sluts hoping they would return the 20 quarters worth of liquor for sex should grant me hero status as well. All charity work is equal, no? But, like I noted previously, I've changed my ways and I make it policy to never give money away to anyone; having what little cash I hold stay in my pocket always feels more rewarding.

Here's two local bloggers who actually have a heart and felt differently:

Fare thee well, Santa

A hell of a guy.

Blogger Backtalk: I would never give local bloggers the cold shoulder

FOA is soon to start flogging local politicos again: The local elections are getting our rocks off.

Awesome post of the moment . . . Whistling (obscenities) at the wind: Fuck a snow storm

Another Funk fan among local bloggers

A "United Nations of Beer" blog review of The News Room notes: "It is this earnest approach to beer drinking that makes this bar a must-see stop on any beer lover's tour of KC. Here you will find a beer revival raging every night around 2am that will renew your spirits and affirm your belief in beer drinkers everywhere."

Still the slogan for the place says, "If you can stomach our customers, you can stomach our food." And that must be a pretty great feat considering that there was a MASSIVE BRAWL at the place over the weekend (find the link yourself) AND I've always believed the spot provided ample evidence that few local hipsters could really hack it in KC proper.

Moffitt and Murphy?

I know, I know, I try and update my music tastes to no avail. To me, nearly all rap music produced after 1991 is garbage, I don't listen to Yacht Rock ironically . . . I keep it smooth for real . . . And while I hate to admit it, I secretly know in the pit of my soul that classic rock is the sound of Kansas City or at least that's one of the many ways that high school in Johnson County has warped my brain.

Anyway, today one of my favorite rich, writing white guys Hearne Christopher, Jr. reports that the most popular personalities on morning rock radio in the last decade are simultaneously available on the free agent market.

Clearly, this indicates that the odds are good that they might hook up, in much the same way that you almost need to make a pass at your ex-girlfriend's fat friend in order to give both of them something to talk about for the next twenty years.

I'm ashamed that this story has sparked my interest but I'm actually curious to see what will happen because I don't think that people talk about their kids or their boring married sex life enough in between jams from the likes of Toto and Blue Oyster Cult.