The Big Empty

While the rest of us allay our fears with booze, drugs and meaningless sex; blogging helps Sirvinegar overcome his fear of the empty page.

Ride It

The Pitch discovers that Prairie Village dicks get an aptly designed skate park. (Last item, photo on the sidebar)

Sad Song

Local blogger Andrea lost her homework but found a some great tunes to share with us.

After School Special

School fights now take place on the Internet according to Nadia Pflaum of The Pitch. Too bad, in cyber space poor kids who are accustomed to violence no longer hold an advantage.

Crank Call

Local blogger Toast reports that the KCPD crank hotline is just about as responsive as the drug addicted zombies looking to score another hit.

Payday

Kansas funds education as doubts over budget are outweighed by doubts over the horrible state public education.

Z-list

KMBZ offers a slap in the face to the bearded ones:



Damn, that's cold. I liked "Cheap Sunglasses." C'mon who doesn't like ZZ Top after like 8 beers?

Turn Offs

Local blogger Laura lists 5 turn a guy off. Here's my list:

5. Commitment
4. Hillary Clinton
3. Commitment
2. Clowns
1. Commitment

Spit

The Superficial Plaza Chick tells a story of a "Spewfest" set to Bob Marley music.

Tech Support

Local blogger Bob offers a some interesting tech notes related to his work.

Downhill

Police Chief Holds Commanders More Accountable as KCPD looks for new ways to lower crime other than indiscriminately shooting suspected criminals.

Hitlist

On the bright side, a Hickman Mills High School hitlist proves that even the worst students can read and write.

Makeover

Home improvement shows stalk KC. Too bad they aren't renovating the ailing Kaufman Sports Complex.

Kansas City firefighter Stephen Johnson and his five children had crammed into their living room for a morning chat Wednesday when a voice outside yelled from a megaphone.

“Good morning, Johnson Family!” boomed Ty Pennington, host of ABC's hit reality show “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.”

With military precision, television crews, producers, builders and interior designers converged on East 79th Street in Kansas City, where Johnson and his children have lived for seven years.

Link

And from a related article by Liz Gutierrez:

In a harmonic convergence of carpentry, three TV home makeover shows are filming on location in the Kansas City area.

“Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” is just the beginning.

This weekend, TLC's “While You Were Out” finishes shooting the last of four episodes here . . .

HGTV is also in town this week. A Denver production company is scheduled to film a few area homes for the cable network's before-and-after show, “Generation Renovation.” The 30-minute show, which runs at 7 p.m. Wednesdays, spotlights renovations achieved through homeowner sweat equity.

Link

Stats

I'm quickly becoming a fan of The Star's Steve Penn. From his recent column:

As the murder rate continues to surge with no cessation in sight and people look for answers, one fact is becoming perfectly clear: If no truce emerges among rival gangs, if respect for life isn't restored on the streets soon, then 2005 may go down as the most violent year in recent memory.

However, I'm not sure the problem is truly "gang" related. At least, not "gang" in the classic sense of the word. For better or worse, KC has always been on the tail end of most cultural trends. The urban (read: black and Latino) "gang" phenomenon largely played itself out during the early and mid-90's in the wake of cheesy Hollywood gang dramas like Colors, Boyz in the Hood, Menace II Society etc., etc. (As a brief aside, thank God I was too young to get caught up in the fad and also had two good parents or I would have been one of the countless knuckleheads with a rap sheet because they took rap music and gangsta movies far too seriously.)

Instead, it's possible that the upsurge in local violence is just one of the many indicators that our nation's economy is in distress. Watch the stock market if you'd like, but paying attention to what the people around you are buying, selling or stocking up on is also a great way to gauge the economic pulse of your community. Notice auto dealerships have been pretty much giving cars away for the past three years.

In my opinion, the violence in KC is simply a sign that even the thugs on the street can feel pinch of these lean Republican years. We can't all benefit from lower taxes on dividends. Clearly, crack and meth money must be hard to come by nowadays.

Sad thing is, as the summer approaches, historically the body count in KC rises along with the temperature.

Holla

From The Star: (Stupid Ass registration)

The Sweat Suit Tour concert featuring rappers Nelly, Fat Joe and T.I., scheduled for tonight at Memorial Hall, has been postponed until July 7.

Nelly's sister, Jackie Donahue, 31, died of leukemia March 24, and the tour has been put on hold.

Values

Who dares question the Republican Party or the death grip that the Religious Right seems to have on them?!!! Former Missouri Senator and UN Ambassador Danforth must now be labeled a Republican't. BlogKC reports.

Bumfights

Okay, that's cruel but it's probably the most accurate description of an altercation on 31st and Campbell that ended with a man stabbing a woman in the face.

Back

A local kidnapped boy returns home. Sadly, it's with the knowledge that most adults are clueless about romantic relationships as well.

With or Without You

Best of luck to Badda Blog! Most married people stop doing it, after they get hitched so it seems like this couple is on the right track! You guys rock!!!

Issues

Ugh. People told me Blogger had issues but I didn't believe them. Why didn't I believe them? Anyway, following this post there will be a lot of somewhat stale jokes that I couldn't put up last night. Enjoy.

MSM

The mainstream media still doesn't get blogs. Journalist Daniel Radosh tries to piece together an incoherent blog-related article that recently appeared in the NY Times.

Hater

Oh, no she didn't! Local blogger Laurie hates rap music. Read her interesting list of dislikes.

Honors

Local blogger Dreadnought7 awards the "Douchebag of the Year" to . . .

Lost and Found

Plane found safe after emergency signal turned on.

Johnny on the spot

If the casket fits . . . OR celebrities now less likely to commit murder.

Bi-State

Unlike politicians, citizens playing both sides of the political fence can face trouble. A local man pleads guilty to four counts of voter fraud.

Never enough

Local blogger Dan files a great post regarding "poor rich bastards."

Scalpers

Since there are no Native American mascots to hassle, police scrutinize coaches in ticket scalping investigation.

Uncle Joe

71 year old man accused of sexually molesting teen.

Progress

Local blogger KJ reports that his show is headed to the big time. I agree!

Rising Star

Oye Vey! The Jewish Film Festival is set to begin.

The seventh annual Kansas City Jewish Film Festival opens with a comedy Saturday, April 2, and runs through Saturday, April 9, featuring documentaries and feature films from Israel, the United States and Europe.

Opening night is at the Glenwood Theatre, 9597 Metcalf, while all other films will be shown at the Rio Theatre, 7204 W. 80th St. The festival is cosponsored by The Kansas City Jewish Chronicle and the Jewish Community Center. To charge tickets by phone, call the JCC, (913) 327-8000.

Fresh

KCP&L gets tentative approval to bring coal fumes and pollution to Missouri.

Rock of the Ages

Jesus skips one of his regular appearances on a tortilla in order to reveal himself to a Kansas man.

Strip

Just what the Northland needed, yet another strip mall. Sadly, residents lost their battle against the project and now a kid with as much building experience as those skateboard punks outside of the every suburban strip mall will be in charge of the project.

Tough

Shawnee Mission Schools crack down on bullies, sluts still mildly tolerated.

Let There be Light

Local church disputes bill with contractor. No word on who was first to say, "See you in Hell."

High Hopes

Now that Kansas City's History and longtime downtown merchants have moved out, it's time to move in The Sprint Center. Sadly, even groupies know that pinning your hopes and dreams on basketball and arena football players is a risky proposition.

Screenplay

Grow back your goatee, quit your mid-level management job and dust off that horrible script you wrote in college. You know, the one with all the plot holes and unbelievable characters. AMC is moving their film-buying office to KC.

Hole Lotta Love

Anyone who is familiar with the way this town works will get a sinking feeling regarding the city's 48-hour "pothole commitment" program.

Long and Winding Road

Independence officials wonder what they'll do when all the gas runs out.

The Bitter End

Terri Schiavo's parents plea for a new hearing on whether to reconnect their severely brain-damaged daughter's feeding tube. Rabid religious right protestors continue to prove that they don't understand fundamental brain physiology.

Payback

Someday, men will learn not to mess with their baby's mama.

On Broadway

KC Downtown Development reports on a new store on 10th and Broadway.

Fly like an eagle

This local blogger files a fantastic post about a fear of flying.

Pot Shot

A woman was shot in her bathroom after a bullet that may have been fired indiscriminately hit her in the stomach. Clearly, increasing violence in the metro is sending this city down the toilet.

Private Eyes

The Kansas City Cybercrimes Task Force is highlighted in this USA Today article for not only busting Internet pervs but also giving television viewers so many interesting mug shots and news stories to watch on KCTV5.

The Limited

Missouri doctors can now relax while screwing their mistress or playing golf. Malpractice victims are less threatening thanks to Gov. Blunt.

Cluck

Just like fast food fried chicken, the escalating violence in KC is enough to make you sick.

Sunk

Prairie Village swim coach soon to do the breath stroke in a prison shower OR whatever water related cliche you want to relate to prison rape.

Round World

Steve Penn of The Star files a great column today about "Spinners":

Expensive tires and wheels are the in thing for a growing number of car owners these days. Last week, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs announced a joint venture to make them with Kansas City's Weld Wheel Industries Inc.

It's a trend that clearly started in the “hood.” But take it from me: Guys from the urban core aren't the only ones sporting expensive chrome wheels

The column is basically a profile of Johnson County kid Chad Dearth's and his business, KC Trends, at 10818 Johnson Drive. Apparently, it's possible to make a nice living off knuckle-heads who like shiny things.

Dearth showed me photos of the numerous Chiefs players' cars he has outfitted.

An average set might set someone back around $8,000, but Dearth has sold rims and wheels that cost as much as $21,000.

Now if only the Chiefs would chase the ball in the same manner they pursue luxury items.

Around the World

Local blogger Andrea serves up a slew of seemingly unrelated links, unless you believe any of that bullshit regarding chaos theory.

Eat Out

The KC Kitty won't tell you this, but French food almost always guarantees pussy.

Wino

Sirvinegar posts a great review of Missouri wineries. Which probably means that he didn't have that great of a time or he wouldn't have remembered his trip in such amazing detail.

Runaway

Rumor has it, the "White Flight Thoroughfare" was rejected as the name for a new Johnson County construction project.

Thy Neighbor

You already know your neighbor is a parking space stealing knob with a girlfriend that's way too hot for him. But is he a sex offender? It's hard to tell just by sifting through his garbage. Fox4 offers yet another way to spy on your friends and neighbors and their sordid sexual lives other than a simple Google search.

Additionally, the sexual offender registry offers a good resource to devise twisted sexual fantasies to share with your monogamous partner who is of the age of legal consent and doesn't mind wearing a turtleneck in the summer if things get "out of hand."

Always have a safe-word.

Drink it down

KCK politics finally get interesting. State Senator Chris Steineger sent out some potentially slanderous letters to local newspapers accusing Mayoral candidate Rick Rehorn of having a drinking problem.

Rehorn denied the allegations and threatens to sue but ultimately says that Steineger "doesn't own anything worth suing for."

Hopefully, these gentlemen will keep up the slapfight and teach all of the English-speaking hookers on Kansas Avenue how the big boys talk trash.

On Alert

A new "Amber Alert" system provides more news to ignore.

Bundle

Local weather woman has a baby. Unfortunately, KCTV5 isn't on the scene with live video.

Convoy

Driver Dies in Cement Truck Wreck

Thin Blue Line

From The Star: (stupid registration)

Kansas City Council members, alarmed at the city's mounting murder rate, are pressing the Police Department to fulfill a pledge to put more officers on the street.

Councilman Jim Rowland, chairman of the Budget and Audit Committee, said he met Monday with Police Chief James Corwin and received assurances that the department would begin hiring 20 additional officers each year, as voters were promised when they approved a tax increase for police stations in 2002.

Earlier this year, police officials acknowledged that they had hired only five of the 60 officers that were anticipated so far because of shortfalls in other parts of their budget.

All of this reminds me of that Woody Allen joke from Annie Hall:

There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Police State

A few people were worried about me, but thankfully, I'm not the Mexican guy that the KCPD killed over the weekend.

Around the metro, the fuzz all have their own quirks. While the men in blue in Olathe like to hassle Blacks and Hispanics, Five-O in Overland Park prefer to hassle Blacks and Hispanics. Accordingly, Leawood, Shawnee Mission, Mission and Merriam donut aficionados all specialize in hassling Blacks and Hispanics. On the Missouri side, hassling Blacks and Hispanics is the forte of nearly every suburban smokey from Parkville to Clay County.

However, the KCPD has a somewhat different defining characteristic . . . they will shoot you, use their Tasers or dish out a beating if you give them any hassle at all. I try to tell friends, family and tourists all about the KCPD "shoot, taze or kick ass first and ask questions later" policy in order to prevent any misunderstandings. Because no matter how many sensitivity training courses officers in KC might be forced to take, this behavior will never change. And while minority communities are (always) tempted to cry out racism in any conflict that involves the police, the KCPD seems to be somewhat fair in their unfavorable reliance on force.

A few years ago I knew a guy the KCPD shot down in his home. The guy struggled with depression and was having a fight with his family. While he was armed only with a dull knife that he would have probably only used on himself, the police shot him for not quickly obeying their commands. Reportedly, his last words were "Why did you shoot me?"

Anyway, the point of this story and post is to remind anybody reading that the KCPD doesn't fuck around. For better or worse, they will shoot you, shock you or kick your ass if you don't do as they say. If crazy white guys in their own home don't stand a chance, a minority in a stolen car and carrying a gun doesn't have a prayer. While some may want to encourage more civic involvement in order to work toward a better and more restrained police force, I'd rather watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force re-runs. Still, it's always good to know what you'