The Big Empty

While the rest of us allay our fears with booze, drugs and meaningless sex; blogging helps Sirvinegar overcome his fear of the empty page.

Ride It

The Pitch discovers that Prairie Village dicks get an aptly designed skate park. (Last item, photo on the sidebar)

Sad Song

Local blogger Andrea lost her homework but found a some great tunes to share with us.

After School Special

School fights now take place on the Internet according to Nadia Pflaum of The Pitch. Too bad, in cyber space poor kids who are accustomed to violence no longer hold an advantage.

Crank Call

Local blogger Toast reports that the KCPD crank hotline is just about as responsive as the drug addicted zombies looking to score another hit.

Payday

Kansas funds education as doubts over budget are outweighed by doubts over the horrible state public education.

Z-list

KMBZ offers a slap in the face to the bearded ones:



Damn, that's cold. I liked "Cheap Sunglasses." C'mon who doesn't like ZZ Top after like 8 beers?

Turn Offs

Local blogger Laura lists 5 turn a guy off. Here's my list:

5. Commitment
4. Hillary Clinton
3. Commitment
2. Clowns
1. Commitment

Spit

The Superficial Plaza Chick tells a story of a "Spewfest" set to Bob Marley music.

Tech Support

Local blogger Bob offers a some interesting tech notes related to his work.

Downhill

Police Chief Holds Commanders More Accountable as KCPD looks for new ways to lower crime other than indiscriminately shooting suspected criminals.

Hitlist

On the bright side, a Hickman Mills High School hitlist proves that even the worst students can read and write.

Makeover

Home improvement shows stalk KC. Too bad they aren't renovating the ailing Kaufman Sports Complex.

Kansas City firefighter Stephen Johnson and his five children had crammed into their living room for a morning chat Wednesday when a voice outside yelled from a megaphone.

“Good morning, Johnson Family!” boomed Ty Pennington, host of ABC's hit reality show “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.”

With military precision, television crews, producers, builders and interior designers converged on East 79th Street in Kansas City, where Johnson and his children have lived for seven years.

Link

And from a related article by Liz Gutierrez:

In a harmonic convergence of carpentry, three TV home makeover shows are filming on location in the Kansas City area.

“Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” is just the beginning.

This weekend, TLC's “While You Were Out” finishes shooting the last of four episodes here . . .

HGTV is also in town this week. A Denver production company is scheduled to film a few area homes for the cable network's before-and-after show, “Generation Renovation.” The 30-minute show, which runs at 7 p.m. Wednesdays, spotlights renovations achieved through homeowner sweat equity.

Link

Stats

I'm quickly becoming a fan of The Star's Steve Penn. From his recent column:

As the murder rate continues to surge with no cessation in sight and people look for answers, one fact is becoming perfectly clear: If no truce emerges among rival gangs, if respect for life isn't restored on the streets soon, then 2005 may go down as the most violent year in recent memory.

However, I'm not sure the problem is truly "gang" related. At least, not "gang" in the classic sense of the word. For better or worse, KC has always been on the tail end of most cultural trends. The urban (read: black and Latino) "gang" phenomenon largely played itself out during the early and mid-90's in the wake of cheesy Hollywood gang dramas like Colors, Boyz in the Hood, Menace II Society etc., etc. (As a brief aside, thank God I was too young to get caught up in the fad and also had two good parents or I would have been one of the countless knuckleheads with a rap sheet because they took rap music and gangsta movies far too seriously.)

Instead, it's possible that the upsurge in local violence is just one of the many indicators that our nation's economy is in distress. Watch the stock market if you'd like, but paying attention to what the people around you are buying, selling or stocking up on is also a great way to gauge the economic pulse of your community. Notice auto dealerships have been pretty much giving cars away for the past three years.

In my opinion, the violence in KC is simply a sign that even the thugs on the street can feel pinch of these lean Republican years. We can't all benefit from lower taxes on dividends. Clearly, crack and meth money must be hard to come by nowadays.

Sad thing is, as the summer approaches, historically the body count in KC rises along with the temperature.

Holla

From The Star: (Stupid Ass registration)

The Sweat Suit Tour concert featuring rappers Nelly, Fat Joe and T.I., scheduled for tonight at Memorial Hall, has been postponed until July 7.

Nelly's sister, Jackie Donahue, 31, died of leukemia March 24, and the tour has been put on hold.

Values

Who dares question the Republican Party or the death grip that the Religious Right seems to have on them?!!! Former Missouri Senator and UN Ambassador Danforth must now be labeled a Republican't. BlogKC reports.

Bumfights

Okay, that's cruel but it's probably the most accurate description of an altercation on 31st and Campbell that ended with a man stabbing a woman in the face.

Back

A local kidnapped boy returns home. Sadly, it's with the knowledge that most adults are clueless about romantic relationships as well.

With or Without You

Best of luck to Badda Blog! Most married people stop doing it, after they get hitched so it seems like this couple is on the right track! You guys rock!!!

Issues

Ugh. People told me Blogger had issues but I didn't believe them. Why didn't I believe them? Anyway, following this post there will be a lot of somewhat stale jokes that I couldn't put up last night. Enjoy.

MSM

The mainstream media still doesn't get blogs. Journalist Daniel Radosh tries to piece together an incoherent blog-related article that recently appeared in the NY Times.

Hater

Oh, no she didn't! Local blogger Laurie hates rap music. Read her interesting list of dislikes.

Honors

Local blogger Dreadnought7 awards the "Douchebag of the Year" to . . .

Lost and Found

Plane found safe after emergency signal turned on.

Johnny on the spot

If the casket fits . . . OR celebrities now less likely to commit murder.

Bi-State

Unlike politicians, citizens playing both sides of the political fence can face trouble. A local man pleads guilty to four counts of voter fraud.

Never enough

Local blogger Dan files a great post regarding "poor rich bastards."

Scalpers

Since there are no Native American mascots to hassle, police scrutinize coaches in ticket scalping investigation.

Uncle Joe

71 year old man accused of sexually molesting teen.

Progress

Local blogger KJ reports that his show is headed to the big time. I agree!

Rising Star

Oye Vey! The Jewish Film Festival is set to begin.

The seventh annual Kansas City Jewish Film Festival opens with a comedy Saturday, April 2, and runs through Saturday, April 9, featuring documentaries and feature films from Israel, the United States and Europe.

Opening night is at the Glenwood Theatre, 9597 Metcalf, while all other films will be shown at the Rio Theatre, 7204 W. 80th St. The festival is cosponsored by The Kansas City Jewish Chronicle and the Jewish Community Center. To charge tickets by phone, call the JCC, (913) 327-8000.

Fresh

KCP&L gets tentative approval to bring coal fumes and pollution to Missouri.

Rock of the Ages

Jesus skips one of his regular appearances on a tortilla in order to reveal himself to a Kansas man.

Strip

Just what the Northland needed, yet another strip mall. Sadly, residents lost their battle against the project and now a kid with as much building experience as those skateboard punks outside of the every suburban strip mall will be in charge of the project.

Tough

Shawnee Mission Schools crack down on bullies, sluts still mildly tolerated.

Let There be Light

Local church disputes bill with contractor. No word on who was first to say, "See you in Hell."

High Hopes

Now that Kansas City's History and longtime downtown merchants have moved out, it's time to move in The Sprint Center. Sadly, even groupies know that pinning your hopes and dreams on basketball and arena football players is a risky proposition.

Screenplay

Grow back your goatee, quit your mid-level management job and dust off that horrible script you wrote in college. You know, the one with all the plot holes and unbelievable characters. AMC is moving their film-buying office to KC.

Hole Lotta Love

Anyone who is familiar with the way this town works will get a sinking feeling regarding the city's 48-hour "pothole commitment" program.

Long and Winding Road

Independence officials wonder what they'll do when all the gas runs out.

The Bitter End

Terri Schiavo's parents plea for a new hearing on whether to reconnect their severely brain-damaged daughter's feeding tube. Rabid religious right protestors continue to prove that they don't understand fundamental brain physiology.

Payback

Someday, men will learn not to mess with their baby's mama.

On Broadway

KC Downtown Development reports on a new store on 10th and Broadway.

Fly like an eagle

This local blogger files a fantastic post about a fear of flying.

Pot Shot

A woman was shot in her bathroom after a bullet that may have been fired indiscriminately hit her in the stomach. Clearly, increasing violence in the metro is sending this city down the toilet.

Private Eyes

The Kansas City Cybercrimes Task Force is highlighted in this USA Today article for not only busting Internet pervs but also giving television viewers so many interesting mug shots and news stories to watch on KCTV5.

The Limited

Missouri doctors can now relax while screwing their mistress or playing golf. Malpractice victims are less threatening thanks to Gov. Blunt.

Cluck

Just like fast food fried chicken, the escalating violence in KC is enough to make you sick.

Sunk

Prairie Village swim coach soon to do the breath stroke in a prison shower OR whatever water related cliche you want to relate to prison rape.

Round World

Steve Penn of The Star files a great column today about "Spinners":

Expensive tires and wheels are the in thing for a growing number of car owners these days. Last week, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs announced a joint venture to make them with Kansas City's Weld Wheel Industries Inc.

It's a trend that clearly started in the “hood.” But take it from me: Guys from the urban core aren't the only ones sporting expensive chrome wheels

The column is basically a profile of Johnson County kid Chad Dearth's and his business, KC Trends, at 10818 Johnson Drive. Apparently, it's possible to make a nice living off knuckle-heads who like shiny things.

Dearth showed me photos of the numerous Chiefs players' cars he has outfitted.

An average set might set someone back around $8,000, but Dearth has sold rims and wheels that cost as much as $21,000.

Now if only the Chiefs would chase the ball in the same manner they pursue luxury items.

Around the World

Local blogger Andrea serves up a slew of seemingly unrelated links, unless you believe any of that bullshit regarding chaos theory.

Eat Out

The KC Kitty won't tell you this, but French food almost always guarantees pussy.

Wino

Sirvinegar posts a great review of Missouri wineries. Which probably means that he didn't have that great of a time or he wouldn't have remembered his trip in such amazing detail.

Runaway

Rumor has it, the "White Flight Thoroughfare" was rejected as the name for a new Johnson County construction project.

Thy Neighbor

You already know your neighbor is a parking space stealing knob with a girlfriend that's way too hot for him. But is he a sex offender? It's hard to tell just by sifting through his garbage. Fox4 offers yet another way to spy on your friends and neighbors and their sordid sexual lives other than a simple Google search.

Additionally, the sexual offender registry offers a good resource to devise twisted sexual fantasies to share with your monogamous partner who is of the age of legal consent and doesn't mind wearing a turtleneck in the summer if things get "out of hand."

Always have a safe-word.

Drink it down

KCK politics finally get interesting. State Senator Chris Steineger sent out some potentially slanderous letters to local newspapers accusing Mayoral candidate Rick Rehorn of having a drinking problem.

Rehorn denied the allegations and threatens to sue but ultimately says that Steineger "doesn't own anything worth suing for."

Hopefully, these gentlemen will keep up the slapfight and teach all of the English-speaking hookers on Kansas Avenue how the big boys talk trash.

On Alert

A new "Amber Alert" system provides more news to ignore.

Bundle

Local weather woman has a baby. Unfortunately, KCTV5 isn't on the scene with live video.

Convoy

Driver Dies in Cement Truck Wreck

Thin Blue Line

From The Star: (stupid registration)

Kansas City Council members, alarmed at the city's mounting murder rate, are pressing the Police Department to fulfill a pledge to put more officers on the street.

Councilman Jim Rowland, chairman of the Budget and Audit Committee, said he met Monday with Police Chief James Corwin and received assurances that the department would begin hiring 20 additional officers each year, as voters were promised when they approved a tax increase for police stations in 2002.

Earlier this year, police officials acknowledged that they had hired only five of the 60 officers that were anticipated so far because of shortfalls in other parts of their budget.

All of this reminds me of that Woody Allen joke from Annie Hall:

There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

Police State

A few people were worried about me, but thankfully, I'm not the Mexican guy that the KCPD killed over the weekend.

Around the metro, the fuzz all have their own quirks. While the men in blue in Olathe like to hassle Blacks and Hispanics, Five-O in Overland Park prefer to hassle Blacks and Hispanics. Accordingly, Leawood, Shawnee Mission, Mission and Merriam donut aficionados all specialize in hassling Blacks and Hispanics. On the Missouri side, hassling Blacks and Hispanics is the forte of nearly every suburban smokey from Parkville to Clay County.

However, the KCPD has a somewhat different defining characteristic . . . they will shoot you, use their Tasers or dish out a beating if you give them any hassle at all. I try to tell friends, family and tourists all about the KCPD "shoot, taze or kick ass first and ask questions later" policy in order to prevent any misunderstandings. Because no matter how many sensitivity training courses officers in KC might be forced to take, this behavior will never change. And while minority communities are (always) tempted to cry out racism in any conflict that involves the police, the KCPD seems to be somewhat fair in their unfavorable reliance on force.

A few years ago I knew a guy the KCPD shot down in his home. The guy struggled with depression and was having a fight with his family. While he was armed only with a dull knife that he would have probably only used on himself, the police shot him for not quickly obeying their commands. Reportedly, his last words were "Why did you shoot me?"

Anyway, the point of this story and post is to remind anybody reading that the KCPD doesn't fuck around. For better or worse, they will shoot you, shock you or kick your ass if you don't do as they say. If crazy white guys in their own home don't stand a chance, a minority in a stolen car and carrying a gun doesn't have a prayer. While some may want to encourage more civic involvement in order to work toward a better and more restrained police force, I'd rather watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force re-runs. Still, it's always good to know what you're dealing with and as as GI Joe says, "Knowing is half the battle."

In the end, I'm okay with having quick tempered officers protecting me from the many crack and Meth heads, thieves, pervs and gangstas that populate this town. Sadly, it seems that the price of having a police force that strikes fear into the hearts of KC's crooks is that law abiding citizens must always quickly and unquestioningly obey police commands, move their hands slowly while keeping their palms up when talking to the cops and always make sure to avoid direct eye contact with members of the KCPD; which is still a better deal than what the criminals are offering.

Resurrected

My computer nearly died yesterday but I was somehow able to save the old bastard. I'm always in awe of programmers and other people who work with these cursed machines. The skill with which hackers and programmers can manipulate a computer to their will is truly impressive. When I work on this POS it's more like watching a witch doctor perform a fruitless seance. Luckily, I was able to get my machine up and running again with only a few fits of crying.

Anyway, thanks for reading this week folks. A special thanks for all the comments along with the supportive and funny e-mails I received this week. Have a great Easter weekend! Take Care.

Peace,

Tony

We Built This City

Kansas City's new tourism slogan will be: "Kansas City: New Discoveries Daily."

So, what are the Top Ten "New Discoveries" you can make in Kansas City? Here's my list:

10. This is America, speak Spanish if you want your water refilled at local restaurants.

9. The homeless people downtown aren't crazy, they're just lonely because everybody leaves after dark.

8. "Hi, may I help you" is really an expression that attempts to obfuscate more than 400 years of rage.

7. The light in Westport Bars offers far more forgiveness than fat Overland Park skanks deserve.

6. Slumming in the city's urban core makes the commute back to the suburbs that much nicer for local hipsters.

5. Surprisingly, Kansas City's public art displays have found a way to be offensive without utilizing controversial subject matter.

4. In this town, Spring and Fall last for combined total of 11 days.

3. Win or lose, Kansas City's professional athletes will always carry a trophy blonde on their arm.

2. Generally, the distance that a white person lives from downtown KC determines the degree of bigotry that person holds in their heart. This rule applies until you begin to approach Omaha, Dallas, St. Louis or Denver. Note: Loft and condo dwellers are not covered by this rule . . . You can safely assume they're assholes.

1. The slew of development and construction in Kansas City will lead to unprecedented economic growth . . . in Johnson County.

Miranda

From KMBZ:

Attorney in Ali Kemp case seeks to have suspect's statements thrown out. The Defense lawyer said police took statements from Benjamin Appleby in November after he had invoked his right to counsel.

All Ye Faithful

Local blogger GJoe files an amazing Easter post.

Sugar Daddy

KC Media Blog attempts to uncover the identity of Kansas City's "Secret Santa."

Rock Shock

A Lawrence man is accused of raping 3 children.

To the Levy

Health officials push for an increase in a local levy. Taxpayers heal thyself.

Foul Play

A registered sex offender who was posing as a coach is accused of sodomizing a teenager. Bobby Knight doesn't look so bad anymore in comparison.

You're Fired

Mass layoffs are down in Missouri and Kansas. Employers are back to axing employees one at a time.

Same old regulations

Aquila disputes a Kansas regulatory report. Business news is boring right until you read that you might be unemployed.

Hard Rock

Local blogger Andrea has a crush on an alt.country cutie.

Top Drawer

The KC Kitty reports that Birdie's is holding a panty auction at Harry's Country Club in the River market. How much you wanna bet that the used ones get the higher bids? Men are pigs. Oink.

Bag Man

Bluntwatch sees yet another potential scandal that the mainstream media is overlooking.

Love Hurts

A weekend getaway leaves this local blogger with a few sexy souvenirs.

Take a gander:

let me just say that in between the food and sightseeing I suffered many wounds. Let's see if I can remember them all:

1. Bruises on both my wrists from a metal object.
2. Sheet burns.
3. A blister on my heel.
4. Popped blood vessel in my left eye.
5. Bruises in the middle of both my thighs from the bed frame.
6. Cuts.
7. A very black and blue bum.
8. A rather sore mid-back.
9. Bite marks.
10. Nail marks.
11. I seem to be shedding a great deal more than normal
12. Overall rawness.

File this one in the "hurts so good" category I guess. Damn, doesn't anybody believe in kissing anymore?

Twist

Adorable MToast provides pics of her Mardi Gras outfit. Check out the illustrated version of the costume that details the outfit better than Doppler radar.

Brain Drain

BlogKC reports that the stem cell debate in Missouri may impede progress at the Stowers Institute. It seems that the recent Midwestern hostility to all things science doesn't bode well for the economic future of the region. Let's pray that NASCAR and church bake sales can make up the difference. (They can't)

On a Mission

Read this excellent report on the latest adventures of the KC Central Debate Team filed by local blogger Joe of KC Soil.

Unplugged

Local blogger Hersh reports that Sen. Bill Frist, who has championed the rescue of Terry Schiavo, has "pulled the plug" on several occasions.

Unplugged

Local blogger Hersh reports that Sen. Bill Frist, who has championed the rescue of Terry Schiavo, has "pulled the plug" on several occasions.

Glory Days

Local blogger Steven goes back to school.

Coach

The Pitch profiles a legendary KC coach as he slowly looses his mind, grip and job.

Somebody Set Us Up The Bomb

The Strip takes on yet another shitty story turned in by KCTV5. Turns out the top ranked news team in town doesn't know crap about fertilizer. Still, journalistic infighting is about as exciting as watching the grass grow. More Internet sexual predator stories, please.

Damn if I'm not still able to work in an AYB reference.

Strikeout

The Star reviews George Brett's place on the Plaza but doesn't rate all of the 30-something skanks who dwell in the dark corners of the establishment. I give them all a solid 6 or a 9 if I had a time machine that could take me back 15 years to look at them before they were trampled by life and lying men.

Here's an excerpt of the review so you don't have to go to thru the shitty KC Star registration:

For a spell the food didn't come close to matching the style and celebrity drawing power of the place. Portions were small, burgers were overcooked and service was scattered. But based on three recent visits, it seems the kitchen and crew have it together. . .

For those whose want to meet the man behind the name, Brett comes to the restaurant several times a month. I made one of my visits during the Big 12 tournament, and when two Iowa State basketball fans heard that "George" wasn't in that night, their disappointment was palpable.

After all, this local sports hero is still Kansas City's favorite celebrity. Only time and plenty of man-to-fan contact will tell how long this place will stay on Kansas City's list of hot spots.

In other words, "Come for the nachos, stay for the coke ho's." I'm sure the place will do fine.

All that Jazz

The KC School District is proud of this "tromboner." Yes, this kid sure can blow.

In other news, it's still uncool to be in the school band no matter what your mom says.

I know, I know . . . A person who plays the trombone is referred to as a trombonist or a dork.

Tech N9ne's Van is 86'd

Sadly, I'm disappointed to report more black on black crime. Tech N9ne's van hit a patch of black ice and rolled over several times. The native KC rapper didn't suffer any major injuries and was able to make it to a scheduled appearance later in the day.

One love.

We miss you Tupac. Kinda. I guess . . . you've kept releasing CD's, so it's kinda like you never left.

Baby I'm Amazed

Lisa Montgomery Set For Trial In 2006

From Fox4 news:

A federal judge has set an April 2006 trial date for a Kansas woman accused of cutting a Skidmore woman's baby from her womb and claiming the baby as her own.

However, in the court of public opinion Montgomery is already guilty of creeping out every expecting mother in the metro and providing yet another reason (besides porn and online gaming) for women to hate the Internet.

Prince of Thieves

A suspect in a slew of local robberies has been arrested. The man is believed to have robbed up to 3 houses a day. He allegedly stole more than $50,000 from residents across the metro. The alleged crook has 17 prior convictions for robbery, which probably means that it takes a lot of practice along with a lackluster criminal justice system to become a master thief.

Empire Falls

A KC Latino rap group struggles for success OR Spanish styled rap = refried crap. Long gone are the days of Cypress Hill.

Dream a Little Dream

A Blue Springs baseball player hopes to one day be mediocre and play for the Royals.

Upgrades

If Grain Valley voters approve a 'no-tax' bond issue, 60 residents of a nearby trailer park will be forced to find somewhere else to do their meth.

About $1.2 million of the bond proceeds would be slated for the acquisition and construction of a stormwater retention pond on the site of the Spring Creek Valley trailer park, 719 R.D. Mize Road. The site is the focus of a condemnation hearing in Jackson County Circuit Court after the city was unable to reach a buyout agreement with the trailer park's owner, Barbara Lee. At least 60 residents will be displaced by the condemnation.

Live and Let Die

Lawrence Blogger Joshua Rosenau has one of the most intelligent posts regarding the Terry Schiavo case that I've read so far.

Here's an excerpt:

I've watched someone die, so I know that a natural death happens in stages. I'll blog that event later; this isn't the time or place. It wasn't a political event. But I will say that the life left him slowly and peacefully over several days. There was a sharp change at the last instant, but anyone could tell that he was diminished in the day before the end. I can't say what was diminished, but there was something that changed over a long time, followed by an instant of finality. I've never been pregnant, but I understand that there's a similar experience at the beginning of life.

Still, I think the saddest part of this whole affair is that life and death decisions are being handled by pandering politicians I wouldn't trust to make me a sandwich. If Jeb Bush can't take care of his own daughter, I wouldn't want him meddling with my family.

Food for Thought

Local blogger Toast is scheduled to eat a cheeseburger for justice. (Great link to an anti-death penalty art project)

What's a Girl to Do?

Local blogger Laura files an interesting post discussing a few "feminine" problems.

Slice and Dice

Local blogger Joe takes an insightful look at the proposed KC School District budget cuts.

Consolation

Local millionaire beeatch Jeanne Patterson is awarded a booby prize by Gov. Blunt. BlogKC reports.

Comix

Local comic blog 'Comixperience' posts an amazing promotional flyer. Link via Badda Blog!

Disgruntled

Some mail drivers are on strike OR Nearly obsolete postal employees provide another excuse to use the Internet, Fed-ex and the telephone.

Truant

Local education officials attempt to force kids to attend inadequate schools. Clearly, their efforts have nothing to do with the fact that education funding is determined by school attendance.

White Power

A dense white kid hates black people and decides to kill an African-American man who was headed to work. The kid is soon to spend the rest of his life locked up in a prison that is primarily home to a bunch of black guys. This story kind of reminds me of that Twilight Zone episode where Burgess Meredith breaks his glasses . . . only a lot dumber.

Stoner Food

KCTV5 has a video clip regarding the theft of thousands of dollars worth of frozen pizza. (Look for the link in the "featured videos" section) Expect to see your neighborhood druggies looking well-fed.

Biz

New site added in the local business section. Go to Smartboy Media for your design needs.

Forget about it

Blunt targets Alzheimer's research for cuts. Apparently, he doesn't want his lousy tenure as Governor to be remembered.

Drink On

Sunday liquor sales could be on the way in Kansas. Slowly but surely, the state is evolving its way out of the 1800's.

Grave Robber

A Kansas ghoul is accused of stealing from a cemetery. Thankfully, the man is only charged with financial improprieties in connection with the graveyard and not taking advantage of the corpses in other, more unsettling ways.

Chase

Today, a chase through the metro ends with a suspect proclaiming, "I ain't doing nothing." Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

Dueling Bastards

KCTV 5 reports that "Dueling News Conferences Planned Over Kline Inquiry." Great, abortion proponents and arrogant attorneys all talking at the same time . . . that's sure to bring about a productive discussion regarding medical privacy, patients' rights and criminal investigations.

Hideaway

A suspected burglar is "washed up" after hiding under a sink, his career in crime is down the tubes, hope he doesn't drop the soap in jail . . . and other cliches as well. Since when did the local news start to sound like the dialogue from a bad action movie?

Crash

A mini-van hits two Olathe girls on their way to school this morning.

The Answer is Blowing . . .

Local protestors drive from the deepest corners of the suburbs to protest against the war for oil.

Training Day

Because of the latest school shooting, local agencies are training for the same kind of disaster in KC. Bullies are encouraged to step up their training as well.

Careful

In light of recent events, UMKC med students learn how to pull the plug.

Same ol' Same ol'

Even the crooks are unimaginative in the suburbs. A Mission, KS Shell station is reportedly robbed twice by the same guy.

Behind the Brow

Don't miss "The Life and Times of Frida Kahlo" tonight at 9 on KCPT. It's an excellent look at "the 20th-century icon who became an international sensation in the worlds of modern art and radical politics." And most likely, Kahlo was also the scorn of hair waxers everywhere.

Denied

Unfortunately, the Terry Schiavo story is going to painfully linger in the nation's headlines for what will seem like years. Thankfully, I have no problem pulling the plug on my TV.

One of those days

Local blogger Susan has a horrible visit from Aunt Flo. A good read and not as gross and overly descriptive as many female bloggers can get.

On the road again

Local blogger Heidi takes to the road.

Got Milk?

Dairy Farmers converge on KC. Meanwhile, I'm trying desperately not to reference any "lactating mamma's" links I might have unwittingly come across on the Internet.

All Along the Watchtower

Local blog 'Fire Dennis Moore' encourages voters to keep their eye on the Kansas Congressman.

All night thong

Guys are dogs, as evidenced by this great story from a local blogger calling himself "The Short Story Dude."

Old School

Badda Blog! offers another great lesson in rap music history.

Panic

Blunt has panic buttons installed in the Governor's Mansion because big boys don't cry for daddy out loud.

Hell's Bells

From The Star:

A church musician lured two teenage boys into a van in August and molested them, according to Jackson County grand jury indictment issued last week.

Eli A. Williams, 24, was charged Friday with sexual misconduct, second-degree child molestation and two counts of first-degree child molestation. He was in jail Tuesday night, with bond set at $25,000.

Williams worked as a musician at several churches in the area, according to one of his former employers. He listed "clergy" as his occupation on a police report.

As if this story wasn't creepy enough, this next passage will leave you wondering about all of the sopranos in the church choir:

A 13-year-old boy talked on a telephone chat line with a person he thought was a female. The "female" said she would have sex with the boy, and a friend would pick him up at his house.

Williams allegedly arrived about 2 a.m. at the boy's home in the 4300 block of Bellefontaine Avenue and allegedly said he was the woman's friend. Police think Williams had pretended to be a female on the phone.

Ugh. Not a high note for people of faith or fans of church music. In fact, this story might make you encourage your teenager to listen to death metal . . . that way nobody will want anything to do with him/her.

Cutting Edge

While I may come off like a tax and spend liberal in this blog, I'm not entirely against budget cuts. It seems that Superintendent Taylor is finally taking steps to cut the bloated administration of KC's School District.

Taylor's staff on Tuesday outlined six options for cutting the budget. Estimated savings next year would range from $14.1 million to almost $15.3 million. In addition to job cuts, the plans include eliminating bus service for some high schoolers and for after-school programs.

Not great, but not a bad idea. Most after-school programs don't really provide a deterrent to anything except the enjoyment of afternoon cartoons.

However, Taylor is proposing to eliminate 17 vice-principal positions, for a savings of $1.4 million, and to lay off some central office administrators, a district finance official said Tuesday night.

Taylor declined to say which administrative positions would be cut, but the total savings would be $850,000.

Truly, Taylor is a smart guy. There is nothing more useless and unproductive than a vice-principal. Bad memories from high school lead me to believe that most vice principals exist only to hassle people who merely want to take a nice nap during class.

Sick Bastards

Today, The Star attempts to file a nuanced report on undocumented workers who fall sick and run up huge medical bills on the taxpayer's dime.

It's one of those personal stories about a guy who may have washed your dishes and now is down on his luck.

The 23-year-old restaurant worker is an undocumented immigrant originally from Guatemala. He barely remembers a car wreck in November that left him in a coma at North Kansas City Hospital.

He knows nothing about the estimated $250,000 the hospital has spent to keep him alive.

Sad for him, sad for taxpayers but still providing lots of ammo for anti-immigration critics.

And then there's this:

He's still unaware that the hospital, faced with the possibility of rapidly mounting bills, tried to fly him to his home country in a specially equipped plane while he was comatose.

Nice. But eerily similar to somebody trying to hide the body of a dead hooker after they are "finished."

Strangely, the poor guy's situation was remarkably similar to Terry Schiavo's ordeal, only without all of the religious conservatives defending his right to live:

According to court documents, doctors at North Kansas City diagnosed Sacaries-Barrios as comatose and suffering head injuries and a ruptured spleen. They placed him on a ventilator to assist his breathing and fed him through a tube.

When the hospital transferred Sacaries-Barrios to Alpine North on Dec. 23, his condition had stabilized, but he was in a persistent vegetative state, incapable of conscious thought or behavior.

I know, you're probably waiting for me to post an mp3 of a violin track. But wait, there is the typical insipid defense of undocumented workers:

The immigrants often work at low-paying jobs that do not provide health insurance. They often do not qualify for government health programs, such as Medicaid, or are too fearful to apply.

Christina Vasquez Case, director of Alianzas, a University of Missouri-Kansas City initiative that works with the Hispanic community, said she understood how unpaid medical bills could frustrate communities, but said the American labor market had a role in creating the situation.

Undocumented workers "get here, and within 36 hours of being here, the people who want to work, can work," Case said. "That is the reality of it."

When undocumented immigrants show up at emergency rooms in critical condition, hospitals are ethically and legally bound to treat them.

Thing is, after you get done reading how much medical care costs for undocumented workers the only logical conclusion you could come to is that "they" should be sent back to their own country for treatment. Cruel but logical, like Spock on a bad hair day.

But what this article doesn't say is that MOST MEDICAL CARE IS OVERPRICED AND INACCESSIBLE to the working poor (almost everybody) and undocumented workers alike. There are millions of uninsured people in this country who would be just as far up shit creek as this guy if they happened to get into a horrible car accident. Insurance companies and healthcare corporations have driven up the price of medical care to outrageous levels. And while kicking all the undocumented/illegal/whatever patients out of the country might provide some relief . . . the rising cost of treating the uninsured and undocumented is just a symptom of a terminally ill healthcare industry.

Sure, it probably isn't very moral or ethical to deny treatment to someone because they are undocumented . . . but that's a weak argument that relies on a sense of decency that people can't live up to when money is at stake. And like it or not, this country and all of its people and businesses are all about (only about) the bottom line. Remember that it's primarily financial greed that encourages immigrants to come to this country in order to provide cheap labor.

Increasingly, treating the sick has become a brutal business. And, time and again it has been demonstrated that the pursuit of profit shows no loyalty to notions of morality or respect for nationality. The healthcare industry gladly passes on their overblown expenses to the taxpayers and then scapegoats the uninsured, the undocumented and whoever else who dares to cut into their profit margins. If the healthcare and insurance industry continue to treat their balance sheets far better than their patients, in the end it will be the nation's health that pays the price.

Fortune cookie translation: Be careful when cutting throats, because you may slip and cut your own.

Full Frontal

A recently captured suspected flasher is a registered sex offender. Which means that the slap on the wrist he could receive for his latest series of crimes will be really hard.

Slippery When Wet

Slick roads and snow caused traffic problems in Northeast KC. However, KC's crack and crack ho supply was not interrupted.

Let Freedom Ring

A Missouri Strip Club is no longer off-limits for soldiers.

ST. ROBERT, Mo. -- Soldiers from nearby Fort Leonard Wood are once again allowed to visit a popular strip club that had been placed off-limits by the Army, for reasons it still declines to specify.

The post commander, Maj. Gen. Randal Castro, took the action against Big Louie's adult entertainment complex on Feb. 28, citing an emergency situation. Owner Louie Keen said he hadn't been notified in advance of the ban and was puzzled by it. The ban could have resulted in layoffs for some of his 120 employees, including the wives of soldiers, he said . . .

Mike Alley, chief of external communications at Fort Leonard Wood, said the Armed Forces Disciplinary Control Board voted last Friday to recommend that the off-limits order be lifted, which Castro did the same day.

God Bless America.

Gimme A Break

Home burglaries are up in KC. Lock your doors! Someone might be trying to steal your priceless (um, all right worthless) REO Speedwagon collection.

Working For The Man

Local blog 'What I Deserve' describes another dark day at the office.

Anatomy

Local blogger Steve posts a diagram of the infamous Fillet O'Fish Sandwich.

Delicious

One of the Dancing Tarts takes the Hershey Highway and shamelessly describes the pleasure. Sadly, this post is really about chocolate.

On the Down Low

The Superficial Plaza Chick provides info on the secret makeout spots inside Harpo's Westport Bar. Now you too can find a great place to contract oral herpes from that special stranger!!!

Jesus Loves You, Hates Volcanoes

Local blogger KJ reports on religious wingnuts who find volcanoes offensive.

"America's Favorite Vegetable"

Enjoy this funny and irreverent post by local blogger Brad because you won't get a chance to laugh this hard in Hell.

Pipe Dreams and Hoop Dreams

KC Media blog offers a look at another crappy sports franchise that could soon leech off KC taxpayers.

One Step Beyond

Buck Buchanan is still helping out KC from beyond the grave. It's good that he's aiding local construction but the Chiefs still need him in a bad way as well.

BlogKC caught the story too, which I guess would make local bloggers somewhat like the cast from Scooby Doo; chasing down spooky stories and wearing a cravat. Where's my Scooby Snack?

Forget me not

Just opened a couple of e-mails that asked me if I had forsaken local bloggers.

Certainly not!

Local blogger links are on the way, as I strive to put up fifty posts by midnight.

Charged

The KCPD won't get their way on a new metro patrol station and bids for a new police training academy came in too high. However, a new North patrol station is already underway and ready to protect Northland suburbanites from the rest of us. As for the rest of the police budget, batteries for Tasers come cheap nowadays.

There is no crying in baseball

3 local women have been nominated to the sports authority . . . I'm guessing that KC wants more proof that females know nothing about sports . . . Or they need more help cleaning the place. Burp.

Things are tough all over

It seems to me that part of the qualifications for being a developer is to have a wanton disregard for others people's opinions and a supreme arrogance that exudes a kind of stupid self-confidence which probably comes off good on camera. Strangely, these are probably the same traits exhibited by people who buy clothes from Dolce & Gabbana. Nevertheless, Clay County suburbanites have now been set upon by pushy developers chasing profits and trampling on anyone in their way.

KCK Wal-Mart shooting

Unfortunately, Wal-Mart has yet to offer bargain healthcare prices. But, I'm sure bandages were on sale.

Breaking up is hard to do

While I have long opposed marriage of any sort, gay or otherwise, this example of a local "drive-thru" divorce confirms my belief that marriage can ruin any relationship.

It's amazing that people will enter into a situation in which death is the best result and expect to be happy. 'Till death or heartless, cold-blooded divorce attorney' is no way to live. Still, every day suckers all over can't wait to tie the knot and hope for the best . . . knowing that the odds and human nature are against them.

On the Lookout

While it may be unpopular to stick up for ex-cons, a new Missouri program that tracks inmates when they are about to get out of jail seems just a little bit intrusive.

It's an early notification system that warns victims and police alike when a criminal is about to get out of jail. Kansas City, Missouri Police Captain Sharon Laningham says the Missouri Victim Automated Notification System, also known as "MOVAN" makes tracking career criminals a lot easier, "sometimes detectives track criminals, suspects on a long-term basis when you look at patterns of crimes."

Maybe this is just another reason not to commit crime or to go out in a hail of bullets under the threat of capture. Life in the judicial system doesn't seem to be very forgiving at all, which means it's just like life on the outside except with more ass rape.

Steppin' out

Unfortunately, Gov. Blunt is worse than a dead beat dad when it comes to paying for Missouri's developmentally challenged kids.

Once again, Blunt is out to undercut the children who most need Missouri's help.

The state has spent more than $900,000 and seven years overhauling the First Steps program for developmentally disabled children, which Gov. Matt Blunt is now proposing to overhaul again.

Some First Step parents and providers are expressing concern about whether Blunt and lawmakers are rushing to put a new First Steps plan in place that could undermine recent changes.

For a guy who has obviously had so much help as a kid, it's strange that Gov. Blunt doesn't have more compassion for local kids in need and can't find some other place else to trim the State's budget.

Mercy Killing

I don't feel bad about not blogging yesterday because it seems that all anyone can talk about is the Terry Schiavo case. I swear if I have to listen to one more argument about the sanctity of life or the government interfering in personal matters I'm gonna put some television pundits out of their miserable existence.

Local news channels across the country are pushing the "living will" angle. Apparently, having it down on paper that you want to ride the Nighttrain the second you get a bad cold is a good idea. Strangely, I've been in a coma-like state for most of my adult life and while I occasionally find my mom trying to smother me with a pillow while I'm not looking, I doubt anybody would refer to my life as sacred.

Terry Schiavo will probably die in a hospital bed soon and all of the political pandering and rhetoric won't save her. While I personally believe that the soul resides in the higher brain functions (or at least in a brain that isn't medically described as "goo") and Schiavo's death would merely represent the passing of her physical shell, I respect the opinions of those who would like to blow my brains out for holding a view that doesn't deify the decaying organic matter in which we all inhabit. Life is sacred, I guess, but damn if bickering in-laws, money grubbing husbands and fear-mongering media and politicians make it almost unbearable.

Update: A federal judge has ruled not to re-insert Schiavo's feeding tube because there is not a "substantial likelihood of success" which is usually the reason that all of my ex-girlfriends give for breaking up with me.

Party People

Oops. I almost forgot. There is a new website dedicated to KC's Social Scene. It's called KCXposed.com. The site features great pics of good-looking locals that have yet to become alcoholics.

From the Webmaster:

We go around to bars, clubs, concerts, and events, basically anything that is of interest in the Kansas City area. Once at these places, we capture moments on film and post them on our web-site. We eventually will have writers that go around and review bars, clubs, concerts, etc.

KcXposed.com was started by me and a co-worker of mine while we were sitting in our office. Being bored as usual, we thought how great it would be for people to get a look at how the Kansas City social community spends their time. So we went out one night to see how people would react to getting their picture taken, and they warmed up to us instantly. Thus kcXposed.com was born.

Check it out and remind yourself of all the fun you're not having.

Shake it up

I think I have too much time on my hands and get restless on Sunday nights. I'm sure this new format won't last for long, but let's enjoy it while it lasts. If you're at all interested in the archives (and I know you're not), I cleaned them up a little bit and posted them here. Expect the posts to be a little longer from now on and maybe not quite as frequent from now on. I think I'll lose my mind if I come across yet another flasher story and attempt to recycle one of my many bad jokes.

Is this blogger burnout?

Possibly. However, most of you probably won't notice the difference. As far as this blog is concerned, I'm the same old cranky bastard no matter what changes on this page.

In the meantime, I would be remiss if I didn't point you to a few of my favorite local news blogs:

BlogKC - An great news blog that is both informative and entertaining. (Read no pussy jokes but lots of great information.

KC Media Blog - This new local blog has already made quite a few great posts and offers the kind of wonderfully cynical reporting we've all come to expect from a college journalism majors.

KC Soil - Local blogger Joe is a talented writer and reporter. The blog features regular updates on the Central High School Debate team along with thoughts on the inner workings of KC politics.

More posts may be forthcoming today (or maybe not) . . . as evidenced here, I'm a creature of whim.