Wake Up Kansas City!!! David Cook is a d-bag with no talent!!!

It's David Cook Day in Kansas City. Ugh.

Here are the top 10 reasons everyone should discourage any celebration:

10. Does it really matter? If the answer is yes, then you're probably Paula Abdul.

9. He's not even from KC . . . This is a celebration is for a guy from Blue Springs (or wherever) who probably dreamed of leaving that hell hole every minute of his life.



8. If this photo above is any indication, the dude wears lipstick and that's just as creepy as his faux Country music twang style.

7. When the name "David Cook" is mentioned 3 months from now in Kansas City no one will have any idea who you're talking about . . . Example: Has anyone heard from Taylor Hicks?

6. It's just wrong that young white women set the agenda for local news coverage. Can't we at least wait till one of them disappears before handing over control of the airwaves to the affluent white broads?

5. I contend that American Idol is racist . . . I don't know how but give me about 5 minutes and I'm sure I can find something.

4. Almost nobody turned out for the last election, there is WAY MORE interest in this David Cook Dude and for that both you and your children should be slapped.

3. David Cook and the P&L District combined could form an apex of bland, generic entertainment that collapses into itself like some kind of dying supernova. Be careful!!! I'm all for letting the bland lead the bland but this level of douchery could be dangerous.

2. C'mon, please realize there has not been one artist of merit to come from the American Idol TV show . . . It's a TV show for William Hung's sake (!!!) and the mediocre, insipid and marginally talented hopefuls make The Monkees look like David Bowie by comparison.

1. I haven't heard or seen him perform but if he was any good he'd already be on some kind of cell phone or Ipod commercial so I think we can all safely assume the guy isn't worth all of this hoopla.

Tell all hip-hop book just might hint that Larry Johnson is the ghey!!!

Sadly, the Kansas City blogosphere is overwhelmingly white so I'm not surprised that even Chiefs fans haven't picked up the gossip that's heating up the rest of the blogosphere.

It seems that some the ghey guy has written a tell all book about the many "Down low" African-American dudes in the rap game AND in pro sports.



The title: Hiding in Hip-Hop.

How does this relate to Kansas City?

Well, TKC has previously reported that LJ may in fact be a homersexual given that he's shacking up with Jay-Z even though the two guys could obviously afford their own places even in New York, even in this recession.

In fact, for Kansas City d-bags who don't know a thing about hip-hop . . . The fact that LJ pledges his allegiance to Jay-Z after every touchdown has always struck me as kind of the ghey.





And while this kind of groundbreaking reporting might be viewed as speculation among Kansas City's media elite (who are mostly the ghey themselves) . . . One of the hip-hop world's foremost authorities has stated plainly that he thinks Larry Johnson is the guy named in the tell all the ghey hip-hop book. Check it:

My guess as to who this might be: You guessed it, none other than Kansas City Chief and male Roc-A-Wear model Larry Johnson, who shares an apartment in New York with Jay-Z despite the fact that the two of them could obviously afford places by themseves. How do I know it’s Larry Johnson? Well, to be honest with you, I don’t know jack shit about football, and he’s the only DL football player I know of, let alone one who’s been known to be around a lot of music industry people. But come on. Who else could it be? Don’t let me find out Jay-Z is involved in this shit as well.

There's no arguing it - That's an expert opinion and I think there's already been a clear indication that LJ is definitely the ghey given that LJ has been seen by a huge audience on Youtube kissing some man named Fantasia.

Of course, NO HOMO on this whole post and Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Let's tie it all together

Here are a some important links that I should have posted earlier . . . Still, they're pretty good:

A recent fatal shooting involving the KCPD is creating a lot of stir and is currently the top story of every local media outlet in town . . . It could get ugly.

The witnesses say the suspect that police killed did not have a gun!!!

I'm telling you this town is exceptionally cruel: Gas Station Clerk Fired After Being Robbed

Supremacy is still the game of choice in Kansas City: Men Were Playing Game to Kill a Black Person

Detectives in Blair case start talking to TV . . . Again.

The angle on this story so close to mother's day has me kind of bummed out, I'm not made of stone: Mother On Phone with Son When He Was Shot, Killed

Making a gunshot work for Grandma: Shooting Victim Donates Kidney To Grandma

JoCo people are nosy: So many people clicked on the Johnson County sheriff's new online warrant-checking system that the site crashed

Boycott Bike Week in Kansas City!!!

Just a couple of minutes ago The Pitch posted a great compilation of activities slated for Bike Week.

I was trying really hard to let this one slide but I just can't see how this Weak Ass "Bike Week" does anybody any good.

Unless middle-class white people patting each other on the back for pushing pedals of luxury bikes can be used to power the City . . . It's obviously self-indulgence put on display as some kind of civic duty, (heh duty) which is a complete load of crap.

KC snitches deserve riches not stitches!!!

Okay, that mo'money, mo'problems song finally makes sense to me now given that more than $1 million has been paid out by Kansas City Crimestoppers since 1982.

I don't know how well it's working considering all of the recent killings but it could be viewed as an economic stimulus of sorts given that bullet proof vests are far more affordable nowadays.

Still, it's a good idea to provide some kind of reward to encourage people to stick their neck out and speak up in a city that would much rather keep the abundance of violent crime a secret.

Kansas City Bloggers are the light of my life (not really)

Good morning . . . Here's the best of the local blogs that I was looking at:

Wondering about this weekend? Mary-Anne makes planning it much easier for those of you who won't be hiding in your mother's basement and playing X-box . . . Losers.

Comprehensive coverage of the kid recently killed on his bike . . . I'm not even gonna clown this link because it's a sad story and TKC believes that every baby biker deserves the right to grow up to become an annoying hippie who mistakenly thinks they're doing the world a favor by getting in the way of more important traffic. Sadly, this young soul didn't get a chance to join the rest of the obnoxious d-bags in Kansas City.

Urban Tour roundup: The last gasp of the condo crowd

A pretty great local music post and review: "Knuckleheads is every bit as welcoming as the Main Street institution."

Mike Hendricks is an ass and it's no surprise he is getting behind the Star's light rail plan

Mike "Humorless, Hack" Hendricks recently filed a column supporting the Star's starter line light rail approach. It's no big surprise that he's clandestinely pushing the plan of his employer but the fact that the JoCo jerk is backing a mass transit plan that doesn't transport masses of people is a tad troubling . . . Of course the his view from the Golden Ghetto might be skewed but I challenge anyone to prove how moving people form Crown Center to Downtown is going to make a difference in anyone's life but contractors and architects. Also, now that The Star is ramping up support for the stupid plan they've once again proven that their opinion pages are just about equal (but far less interesting) than any blogger in the metro given that they're not providing a glimpse of opinion in the metro but really just pushing their own agenda.

UNSPOKEN TRUTH: KANSAS CITY IS THE MURDER CAPITAL OF THE MIDWEST!!!

There have been six people killed in the past seven days in Kansas City.

The weekend is coming . . . There will be more.

If the Johnson County editors at Kansas City's paper of record had any courage they would print this information above the fold in 36-point-type with exclamation points . . . Instead the news is buried in the local section because it doesn't really impact the lives of the d-bag columnists and editors in the suburbs.

As usual, MAYOR MARK FUNKHOUSER HAS PROVIDED ABSOLUTELY NO LEADERSHIP ON THE SUBJECT OF VIOLENT CRIME IN KANSAS CITY and now the majority of his time is being spent debating an imaginary light rail plan with Clay Chastain.

And still more people will die in Kansas City this weekend while so many middle-class media folks read and report this devastating news as if they're reciting a laundry list.

The recent spate of homicides in Kansas City is a problem affecting everyone who lives in this town, but the majority of us (white people) are ignoring it.

Young, mostly minority males are being slaughtered en masse in Kansas City . . . Sadly, the majority of the excitement in local media coverage today is being directed toward David Cook. Media people offer lame excuses about demographics, the structure of the local media market and all sorts of reasons for their lack of coverage . . . But the blame isn't all theirs. Time after time it has become clear that the people in this town don't care when people of color are killed which is one of many reasons that Kansas City is a horribly racist, cruel and backward town and people would most likely take offense to the preceding remark than the constant stream of homicides and blood on our streets.

Focus on the future

Expect Voter photo ID rhetoric to ramp up as the issue heads toward the Missouri Senate.

Here's what two of the best bloggers that I follow are writing about the subject:

"Some older people and poor people may not have a picture I.D., so why should they be denied the right to vote for that reason alone?"

"Democrats continue to scream about how unfair it is require a photo id to vote."

Personally, I think it's a bad idea but if we must have to provide a form of identification in order to vote I believe that TKC should be allowed to request that all blonde, big booty MILFS show me their boobs in order to cast a ballot. It's only fair and it makes as much sense and the other efforts requiring people to jump through hoops to participate in Democracy.

It's all about product placement

Kudos to the Irish Fest blog for posting the most creative product tie-in I've ever read in the Kansas City blogosphere. Check it:

Mis amigos, the Fiesta Kansas City opens mañana at Crown Center, home of the Kansas City Irish Fest, which opens itself in just 113 days.

And every time I think I have a hard time coming up with content I'm reminded that the Irish fest blog has to find a way to post on pretty much the same subject every day.

JoCo Controversy: Flying Tambourine forces teacher into retirement!!!

Supremacy and privilege stay winning by protecting their young against dangerous flying instruments and teachers enforcing minimal rules of conduct:

The accident came about when the 58-year-old music teacher instructed the children to put down their instruments. Police said one girl wouldn’t let go of her tambourine so the teacher took it from her and tried to toss it behind him onto a desk. While doing so it struck a boy who went home with a cut on his chin and bruises on his arm.

His parents contacted police and pressed charges. Blue Valley District officials said the teacher tendered his retirement as a result.

And when people wonder why there are so few people who want to go into teaching (as a first choice) they might want to remember this story and realize that because of school systems that don't support teachers and pain-in-the-ass parents . . . A percussion instrument could be the final insult in a career that doesn't pay enough.

Aquila has Missouri in a chokehold and easily demonstrates who has the real power

In Missouri, corporations own the the air you breathe . . . Kind of like a bad (ass) Schwarzenegger flick.

Recently, he Senate voted to bail out Aquila today in a 26-5 vote that gives retroactive approval for a power plant the company built in Cass county, despite court orders forbidding it to do so. Missouri State Senator from KC, Jolie Justus was one of the 5 NO votes.

On her blog, she offers the money quote that pretty much sums up the whole situation:

"I don't see any real punishment from the state for Aquila blatantly ignoring the law."

But breathe easy, when the time comes that you are a rich, white male and have a ton of government connections . . . You can break any law you please . . . In fact, you might even be able to write a few of your own.

Also, I feel sorry for anybody who actually believes that "This is a nation of laws" BS when referring to illegal immigrants who are mostly here to clean up dishes rather than pollute the enviornment while ignoring any kind of regulation or governing bodies.

Filegirl is sweet!!!

For my money, Filegirl is probably one of the best lady bloggers in the metro area and recently she filed a sugary sweet post that almost qualifies as foodie porn (with pics!!!).

Warning: If you don't have diabetes now, you'll probably have it after checking out her post but it's not like the corporate lobby putting refined sugar into everything wasn't going to give it to you anyway.

Another Great KC Photog Blog

I'm a big fan of Kansas City photog blogs . . . Just found a new one that offers a nice combination between personal and commercial work. The P.Binder.Photography blog is pretty damn good and well worth checking out for quite a few images of Kansas City.

Camera ready

Here's some random links to start the day considering that most of you are just phoning it in by around 11:25 a.m. anyway:

The Westport Flea Market is STILL apparently home to the best hamburgers in Kansas City . . . TKC Note: I still giggle whenever anyone mentions the annual crab festival.

Yesterday was "Kansas City Charity Day" so I pretended to flirt with a fat woman.

For the love of God, The Flying Saucer is now open!!! I don't want to read anymore about it since The KC Beer Blog covered it first a week ago (and much better than everybody else).

As always the Event Driver posts a pretty good list of Kansas City weekend music links - The first dude to mention David Cook is ghey. No homo.

Another great post from Jay Bird: "The end for the Kansas dominated Republican Legislature"

ALONZO WASHINGTON EXCLUSIVE: KC CRIMEFIGHTER HAS DETAILS OF THE DEATH OF THE KANSAS CITY MOMMY KILLED IN FRONT OF HER KIDS!!!

Alonzo Washington's blog keeps coming up with exclusive information in his ongoing attempt to curb crime in the Kansas City area. Here's the latest from one of Kansas City's most prolific crime fighters:

KC,

Yesterday, I found out some new details regarding one of KC's recent homicides. This case is about the mother gunned down in front of her children & another man was shot as well. Well, like most homicides the cause of this slaying was very dumb. Erica Washington age: 24 & mother of two was shot because her brother wanted to break up with his baby's mama. That's right: Baby Mama Drama!!! The man who was shot & did not die was Erica's brother. His name is Tyrel Washington age: 21. He has been trying to end a fearful relationship with Samantha Freeman. This woman had been getting her male relatives to threaten him with violence whenever he would try to break up. Before the shooting these men pulled a gun on Tyrel. The same men later shot him & killed his sister. The police know who the men are. I am not sure if they know where they are. Damn, love now a days can really be dangerous. Another woman shot her boy friend to death this week. If you know where these cats are give me a tip or let them know they can set up a safe surrender with me.

It's pretty amazing stuff that not even the local news knows to report . . . Thing is, Mr. Washington is always posting exclusive info about the effort to combat and reach out to the community regarding local crime.

Fox4 Humping Dogs!!!

Nice. Fox 4 goes Hardcore!!!

Show Me Blogger Chatter: Is Blunt hiding e-mails to protect his marriage?

These are probably baseless allegations but they're published on a blog so obviously I believe them. Here's what Missouri bloggers are speculating about the Governor's e-mail deletion scam:

Baby Blunt has a Girlfriend

Blunt's hiding the e-mails to protect his own marriage!

Damn. I had hoped it was political.

Personally, I wouldn't be surprised but I don't think it's true because Gov. Blunt has spent so much time screwing Missouri when it comes to Education, Healthcare, Jobs and the promotion of racial profiling that I doubt he had time for anything else.

From one of the best blogs in KC: The Kansas Citian stands up against corporate governance and censorship!!!

"Power and Blight District Operators Censoring Critics?"

And if that's not your cup of tea . . . The guy has a bunch of other great stuff he posted today as well. Really, he's one of the best news bloggers in this town.

Maybe it's not yet time to panic: A different perspective on downtown parking

Some thoughtful conclusions by the KC Post: "Downtown parking is not the problem" . . . I couldn't agree more with the conclusions about the business side of the equation, I still want to park for free.

Mayor Funky's lies in the light of day

I have no idea why celebrity blogs are obsessed with photos of Elisha Cuthbert as of late, I don't have a clue as to who she is but photos of her in a bikini are as good of a place as any to talk about Mayor Funky's recent round of propaganda.

The guy keeps on saying he's not a politician - Once again it turns out he's just not a very good one.

First, I've received quite a few e-mails regarding the Mayor's recent comments on crime and his misleading progress (or lack thereof) report. Apparently, he's taking credit for increased general fund support for the Police Department by about $1.3 million. WHAT THE MAYOR DOESN'T SAY IS THAT HE WANTED TO CUT THAT TOO BUT WAS SHUT DOWN BY THE REST OF THE CITY COUNCIL!!! Like the political hack that he is, Mayor Funky is taking credit for something that he didn't do (a move he actually opposed) and then hoping that the people who know the details stay quiet and won't catch him in an outright lie.

People often ask me why I seem to have a "seething vendetta" against the Mayor but if they understood half of the nasty, mean-spirited and incompetent things Kansas City's mayor tries behind closed doors . . . Their opinion of him might drop as well . . . Even worse, I hear that GLORIA SQUITIRO NOW SITS IN ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE MAYOR'S MEETINGS AT THIS POINT BECAUSE THE FIRST COUPLE THINK THEY'RE CLEAR OF THE EEOC "MAMMY-GATE" ISSUE - THEY'RE NOT. Still, misinformation about police funding is just an average political trick.

WHAT'S WORSE IS THE WAY THE MAYOR FUNKY IS FIRING BACK AND MISLEADING PEOPLE REGARDING HIS STANCE ON FIREFIGHTER'S PENSIONS - Mayor Funkhouser was slapped down from the mere threat of the folks in the KCFD standing against him. Sadly, he's counting on his arrogant divide and conquer strategy to save face. The Mayor says, "But going forward, with regards to the new employees, I want to discuss different options, ones that are more in line with standard business practices." Mayor Funky goes on to promise that the current pensions won't be raided but the question is simple: HOW CAN ANYONE TRUST A POLITICIAN WHO HAS BROKEN HIS WORD AT LEAST A HALF A DOZEN TIMES IN HIS FIRST YEAR IN OFFICE?!!!

Mayor Funkhouser promised not to make immigration an issue to the Latino leaders who supported him and then appointed a member of the Minutemen to an influential City Board with millions in funding. Sadly, Funkhouser then turned around and didn't really provide support to that lady either.

Mayor Funky promised to make sure that the first TIF to come across his desk would be from the Eastside. Then he approved an insane deal for a soccer stadium in South KC and so far has only come up with press releases in regard to the area he once referred to "the Black part of town." ONE YEAR LATER MAYOR FUNKY HAS DONE NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL FOR EASTSIDE DEVELOPMENT!!!

Mayor Funky promised to work with City Manager Wayne Cauthen - Then moved to fire him after less than a year in office.

Mayor Funky's promised support for KC's infrastructure but instead actually cut funding for City Streets and services and has spend most of his time working on a light rail scheme that has little support among surrounding Mayors.

The list is even bigger than one of Gloria Squitiro's bunions . . . Mayor Funky's propaganda is a poor substitute for his spiteful words behind closed doors and his contradictory actions.

Funkhouser IS a politician, a quick look at his broken promises proves it.

More privilege for Mayor Funky's people!!! City Employees stiffed for parking while Gloria Squitiro gets a subsidized space!!!

Once again Mayor Funky fails when it comes to leadership by example as his office flaunts their parking privilege.

Beginning June 1, Kansas City government will no longer use taxpayer dollars to pay for more than 100 employees to park in the garage across from City Hall.

The only exceptions appear to be a few aides in Mayor Mark Funkhouser’s office. Mayor’s spokesman Kendrick Blackwood said the mayor’s office would continue to pay for five employees to park in the garage at 11th and Oak streets. Others in the mayor’s office park for free in the City Hall basement garage.

Of course what The Star article doesn't mention this but what City Hall employees mutter under their breath is that the Mayor's wife is merely (allegedly) a volunteer yet she gets special parking privileges meanwhile staffers are forced out on the street. Apparently, KC is a "city that works" for the Mayor's wife convenience.

The Internet beats Blunt once again!!!

MATT BLUNT: DOCUMENT DESTROYER!!!

And a gentle reminder to the next Governor that they should have a good understanding of how the Internets works.

"TeXXXting Teachers"

Local media provides yet another reason to be scared of technology . . . And pervy teachers.

Survival Tip: It's a good idea not to mess with the KCPD even when they're off duty

KC Officer Accused Of Assaulting Man At Bar

Cowards at KC Live Don't Allow Criticism

Make no mistake:

TKC IS THE MOST GULLY NEWS BLOG IN KANSAS CITY!!!

Why?

Because, as far as I know, I'm the only person writing about Kansas City who pisses people off enough to get banned under the auspices of porn.

Believe me, if I was running a porn site and I put this much effort into it, I'd be a millionaire by now and probably much happier.

Comparing TKC to porn is a lame move first put forth by the Mayor's people back when their delicate and ghey sensibilities were offended within less than a half year in office. Strangely, Mayor Kay could handle my criticism but Funkhouser's media people wanted to shield the eyes of City Hall workers from photos that aren't even as racy as the half naked teens posing in Vanity Fair. In fact, most of the pics I post are pretty tame by the standards set forth in women's magazines . . . I make up for it by dedicating more of my writing to making women feel even worse about their bodies and relationships than most mainstream media. Really, I think it's kind of obvious that I don't post photos that can't be found in most magazines (since that's who I steal them from) and lingerie catalogs.

Anyhoo, according to the KC Beer Blog: KC LIVE HAS BLOCKED TKC AND LABELED THIS SITE AS PORN!!!

I consider it a victory because obviously my reporting on the place is obviously making an impression and just might be scaring the downtown destination that wants a monopoly over the right to drink a beer outside in Kansas City.

Additionally, it makes sense that the district wants to cripple the Internet access of their patrons given the fact that:

WHEELCHAIR ACCESS IN THE P&L DISTRICT IS HORRIBLE AND ADVOCATES FOR PEOPLE WITH SPECIAL NEEDS ARE SOON TO MEET WITH CORDISH REPS IN ORDER TO VOICE THEIR COMPLAINTS!!!

That's a TKC exclusive by the way (!!!).

So, the out of town company can try to censor TKC as much as they'd like but as long as women like Gemma Atkinson are going to pose in skimpy attire . . . Then I'll continue to post them on my blog in order to draw loose connections to the Kansas City news and expose groups like Cordish for the kind of control freaks and horrible corporate partners with Kansas City that they are . . . Natch.

By the way, the places that block TKC obviously don't know much about human nature given that the move has always inspired more readers to seek out this (crappy) blog when they finally get home . . . Personally, I like the porn comparison simply because it corresponds nicely with the same d-bags who constantly mention that this is a "joke" blog in a desperate attempt to defuse how much TKC clowns them and takes apart their precious credibility (or lack thereof).

Thank you Internets and Founding Father slave-owning-white-guys for this amazing freedom.

Helping people, smoking and bullets prove deadly in Kansas City this morning

A man, who police said was an employee at the Renaissance West addiction treatment facility at 5840 Swope Parkway, was shot to death around 12:50 a.m. this morning after he went outside to smoke a cigarette.

Completely Booty News Day

Thank you Lord in Heaven that I don't do this for a living anymore . . . Most of the stories I'm looking at are completely lame as far as Kansas City news goes.

I've got one or two things that I'm excited to post, but other than that this news day seems to be nothing but ass . . . Which I guess is good for humankind in general considering that "exciting" news coverage usually means catastrophe or even more screw ups by Mayor Funky.

New on the blogroll: Surrender, Dorothy

Another Kansas City Mommy blogger but it's worth noting that she has been at it since 2004 and has an upcoming book. Check it.

New (to me) Kansas City blog: We're Not In Kansas Anymore, Toto

A mommy blog . . . Only much better. Check it out.

Royals Win!!! Nobody cares.

Sitting alone in my mom's basement, drinking and getting into flame wars on one of my favorite blogs that I'd prefer not to share with you d-bags . . . I looked up from the computer screen for a second and noticed that the Royals had an impressive win last night. What's probably more important is that THE STADIUM WAS ALMOST COMPLETELY EMPTY!!! Of course there was the threat of rain from weather people who really don't know what they're talking about but it turned out to be a beautiful spring evening. I guess folks could blame this on the recession but I prefer to think it's the fact that the Royals still suck that's responsible for barely anyone at the K.

It's still very early in the season and any kind of speculation that the Royals "are really gonna turn it around this year" is crazy. With a few occasional lapses of brilliance, by and large they're the same horrible team they were last year . . . Overall, the Royals are the worst team in baseball considering that they haven't made it to the playoffs in MORE THAN TWO DECADES and haven't played better than .500 ball consistently since back in the days when everyone was using AOL. I'd like to think that the people of Kansas City would eventually catch on to the scam of one "rebuilding" year after the next. I'm a bit of an optimist.