Hibernation

This blog is having emotional technical problems. I'm not dead but my computer nearly is, check back later (tomorrow) for more posts.

Mexican Standoff: Tony makes enemies all over KC

I've always known that there is something about me that grates on people, it's what makes me a decent writer and why I don't have any friends. Most of the time it works to my advantage, today is yet another example.

If you're a "local Latino" you might already know the background regarding boulevard clubs but for those of you who don't here goes: I recently wrote a story about Club Oasis for Dos Mundos that got a "bit" of reader reaction. Here's the version in Spanish and I don't think they've put the English copy up yet:

Violencia asola club en el boulevard

Basically, the story is a compilation of all of the shootings and two violent deaths that have taken place in front of the establishment over the past two years beginning with the most recent report of gunfire earlier this August.

Well, it turns out that the owners read the story and were pretty pissed. They placed a bunch of phone calls to Dos Mundos and were a bit upset about not being contacted for the story. Yesterday, one of the owners took a meeting with Clara (my boss) and claimed that nobody had tried to get in contact with him for the article.

BULLSHIT.

Thing is, I had to go down to that stinking hell hole two times and place more than two dozen calls in order to have one employee after another tell me "No, managers esta aqui" over and over and over. I felt sorry for the employees because the scared look in their eyes upon my request suggested to me that they were probably beaten for any indiscretion they committed. I don't have any proof for that statement but that's generally what it looked like . . . I'm somewhat of an expert when it comes to the non verbal communication of mojados.

Anyway, today I heard about the dust up and then Ed (the co-owner and designer) told me the proprietor of Club Oasis was just walking by the front doors of Dos Mundos and on his way to one of the other establishments he owns. Since the guy had decided to talk to my boss, I thought I should talk to him . . . Honestly, I just wanted to gauge how pissed off he was and maybe see if he wanted to do a follow-up article.

Damn, he was pissed. He and his brother were extremely (muy) pissed. The minute I introduced myself the shouting started. This just happened an hour ago so I'll try to relay the more interesting details but it was mainly a case of the guys calling me a liar and saying that it was my responsibility to be their secretary and wait at their beckon call for a response . . . Sorry folks, I'm on a deadline just like everybody else. I think they called me a thief, a liar, said I was unprofessional, told me I was irresponsible, said that they didn't want to talk to me only to keep on wagging their fingers at me and questioning the timing of my visits and calls. However, all of my information was correct and anyone familiar with the area knows that the club has been the subject of several neighborhood complaints. The guys yelled at me for not leaving a card with them but time and again they didn't return calls to Dos Mundos that other reporters had placed as well.

Toward the end of the conversation the owner (biggest guy of the bunch) got up in my face and tried the Mexican Standoff trick. I thought it was funny that the prospect of two Latino dudes standing no more than 5'11 would inspire such a chilling silence to come over the restaurant but in the end nobody swung . . . The intimidation tactic was actually a compliment because I was scared that this whole Internet thing was making me into a bigger nerd than I really am . . . In the end, I gave the guy my cell number and told him that if he had a plan to do anything about the violence that has surrounded the club then I would be more than willing to write the story. He sat back down to his lunch, still looking pissed and curtly told me "Yeah, we'll give you a call" and brushed me off.

I'm not holding my breath . . . And what I really learned is that my boss Clara has more integrity than anyone I've ever met working in the field of print journalism. This wonderful lady met with these guys who fancied themselves as intimidating, listened to their story and told them that she stood by what she published. In an era when everybody wants nothing more than press release copy published in newspapers Clara isn't afraid of to print stories that important (and oh so intimidating) business people in the community find offensive. I don't think I could ever tell her face to face how much I admire her and the reputation she has built for herself but I'm always glad to see her and I've always felt so lucky that 9 times out of 10 she smiles at me when I drag my ragged looking ass into the office.

For all of you portly popcorn eating po'folk

KC based AMC will offer a new concession value menu in the fall.

I guess this is good news when you also consider those comfy, wide ass seats and the horrible tripe they're calling movies nowadays. If there's nothing decent to watch at least you could become the star of your own personal medical drama. Word to canola oil.

Bananarama

Independence Passes Pit Bull Ban. No word on what they're gonna do about the mullet which is far more dangerous if you really think about it.

Additionally, everyone involved in reporting this "issue" should be ashamed that pit bulls were the talk of the town this summer. Seriously, werewolves are far more dangerous than doggies and I don't see anybody doing anything about kicking Steve Glorioso out of town . . . Maybe it's time we talk priorities . . . A few po'folk getting mauled is not nearly as important as some shrimpy dude with fangs tearing this town to shreds.

Just like women's fashion (and women in general) the local media in this town focused on a trivial issue and now looks hopelessly out of date and without much substance in this manufactured controversy.

Town Topics: Last of the dog days

Channel 9 runs PR for the city regarding the Brush Creek Flood control project and doesn't mention much about all of the other flash flooding that left drivers throughout town stranded.

I once got a handjob in this park (From a woman and for free!!!) and that should damage your conception of the museum far more than any vandals.

Yeah, there was a story about a lost dog on what we are forced to call the news.

The Economic Development Corporation of Kansas City announced the creation of the Kansas City Biotechnology Center on Monday. So now you won't have to feel bad about looking at crazy Internet porn considering that you won't be the only person in town doing research on unnatural acts.

Oh, to be rich, white, good looking and die in a tragedy . . . All of the other people you went to high school with (thankfully) never thought about you at all once they left.

Chiefs coach Herm Edwards is a new father . . . It's a happy occasion as he prepares to give birth to so much failure this season.

Failing Upward

If the Bush years have taught us anything it's that brown people don't matter there is nothing better than being a white guy with connections. The new Police Chief in Topeka can speak to that after his horrible tenure in KCK earned him a nice new gig in a whiter better part of the Sunflower State.

Local loud mouth activist Alonzo Washington has some pretty insightful remarks about the former KCK good ole boy (If possible read the following passage with a violin solo playing in the background):

Alonzo Washington, a community activist in Kansas City, called Topeka's new chief "evasive" and said that when Miller led the KCKPD, he was more interested in protecting the area around the new speedway than protecting the lower-income areas.

"He certainly didn't go the extra mile to reach out to the high-crime areas," Washington said. "In terms of being an innovator or someone to bring together the community, I certainly didn't see it."

Thing is, there might be hope because people always leave KC and go on to greater things. Think Walt Disney and all his kick ass work as a Nazi sympathizer or Neil Smith holding John Elway's umbrella. So I wish the guy luck and hope the does a better job in the State's Capital than he ever did in the KC metro area.

* To be fair, I should note all of the recruitment that KCKPD is currently doing in the Latino Community in an effort to find some incompetent Latinos who also pay little attention to high crime areas for a change.

An endorsement in an angry tone

Here's the thing about the political season, nothing is too petty that it can't be made into a campaign issue. In a recent post, some Republican splog is taking shots at KC Councilman Terry Riley for his recent endorsement of Claire McCaskill in a so-called "angry tone."

Riley takes a very aggressive and angry tone when speaking about Missouri's Junior Senator (Jim "No" Talent). His comments were absurd and totally unacceptable, especially when coming from an elected official.

Two problems I have here . . . Terry Riley's angry tone is the least of his shortcomings. His biggest concern should be that his district is a dump . . . Literally, for bodies, asbestos and trash. Additionally, the whole "Black people should vote for _____ because I'm Black and I'm getting a favor in exchange for this endorsement" is really an insulting strategy in this day and age . . . It's embarrassing for a KC politico to be that obvious.

And then you really have to consider The Source - not the shitty hip-hop mag for those of you who might get the two confused. The more I think about it, the more I really don't like any of the residents from the center of this state. If I had my way, KC would be a city-state with only a regional affiliation with STL that would merely include a clause that we agree not to kill each other when traveling for sporting events . . . The rest of Missouri can go screw itself. These people are pretty much human trash and they exist mainly to provide background research material for anyone who wants to do a history of jokes about screwing your sister. Please know that there is no reason to get off of I-70 other than for porn, strippers, maybe a wine tasting (ugh) and possibly a Walnut Bowl . . . The last two are only slightly related (No homo).

Anyway, The Source strikes me as one of those blogs run by an imp of politicos or maybe even GOP party activists themselves. It's not an opinion from a real person, just a collection of crap handed down from the main office . . . In other words, just like Terry Riley, it's all politics and no substance. Word to PAC's and the Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

Hat tip to Dan for the link.

P.S. - Don't think that I'm endorsing Claire in this post because the fact that she's a chubby white woman partnering with a Black dude pretty much means she's desperate like every other fat, blonde chick I've seen in similar situations. Sadly, her strategy to get with Riley may turn some people off but I didn't like her much before she swung that way . . . When I vote in this election I'll probably just hold my breath and pray, very much like anybody who gets into bed with Claire . . . Isn't that right, Terry?

Blogger Backtalk: On the ground floor

In his campaign for City Council Mark Forsythe goes door to door to door to door...

Every blogger should be able to relate to this insightful post: "I felt the need to talk today about anonymous commentary and the stupidity they love to post." Check out the ensuing flame war in the comments section that would make Greg Reeves proud

A carnival of humanity at Costco during the weekend storm.

JDoubleP explains "Ghost riding da whip" as the reality of bringing up a kid in the age of dumbass YouTube videos begins to take hold.

Hockey in KC bounces around basketball ideas as well: "If it's too expensive for Milwaukee, then it's definitely not the right professional league for KC."

Remember the time

A local blogger writes a thoughtful post: The Importance of Remembering 9/11.

Thoughtless bastard that I am, I have a great system for remembering this day. It's the same day as my sister's birthday and I relentlessly tease her, tell her that she'll never have a happy birthday for at least another 10 years and then tell her that not only does Osama think she's fat but Osama also believes that she shouldn't have any more cake.

I do this whole routine while dancing and pointing. I still don't think it's half as offensive as all of those horrible country songs that were recorded paying tribute to the event.

Never believe anything you read online

I saw this ad and it just struck me as funny. Odds are you probably won't impress your boss with an online degree unless it's for some kind of deviant sexual act. There was a time when I considered ads for this site, I may again but I have to say that I'm uncomfortable with anybody doing the misleading on this page other than me.

5000 posts for TKC

There was a time when all I ever wanted out of a career was to be a columnist for The Kansas City Star. I also wanted to play professional football or maybe become a stock broker but all of those dreams now serve as nothing more than reminders of how dumb I was as a little kid.

Sadly, at this point in the blog and my life I don't have any profound insights on what I'm doing or where this thing is going . . . I only know that this blog is very much a reflection of my life given that it's profane, obsessed with white women, vulgar, ironic, sometimes misunderstood, very often overrated, full of useless information about this city and resentful of nearly everyone and everything . . . And it's written from my mom's basement. What I do here is try to entertain, try and tell the truth when it's funny and share every horrible thought that comes into my head concerning Kansas City . . . Only recently have I been unable to distinguish the difference between any of these endeavors.

I've written a lot of things in this blog up to this point and I'd like to thank anybody who has been kind enough to read it . . . The old school TKC homies remember when this place on the web was put together in Microsoft Frontpage.

Presently, this blog gets more than a few hundred hits a day, totaling a few thousand a week and I've been lucky enough to appear on local radio a couple of times with more than a few mentions from print publications around KC.

I've won one award for this thing and I've think that I've managed to burn almost every bridge possible in terms of local media outlets that I've offended who pretend not to read this site. I've collected more than 2 dozen private e-mails pretty much informing me that I'm an asshole and ten times as many compliments. I've also met some great people because of this blog including a great, beautiful, lovely and wonderful lady who is most often the best part of my day.

Like I mentioned previously, I have no idea what the future holds for myself or this blog but I'd like to think we can both keep going for a little while longer if only to piss off everybody who doesn't like me.

I'm not a kid anymore and I've stopped having lofty ambitions about the future or great expectations of things to come . . . Still, I remain thankful for this blog and the few people who are good enough to read it just as I'm thankful for this cozy corner in my mom's basement, the warm glow of this computer screen and the steady supply of snack cakes I've managed to maintain.

I've always felt that part of being a grown up was realizing that things could be worse, things can always get worse . . . In that respect I think that I could have achieved some of the vapid goals I set for myself as a young man only to realize that they were essentially worthless and didn't provide me half as much freedom as blogging does . . . For that, and so many other things I'm happy, thankful, grateful that blogging has granted me the freedom to call bullshit on whomever I chose. The only casualty has been my career and my circadian clock.

Again, thanks for reading, take care, stay safe and kiss your mother for me.

KC Nearly Drowns in Sea of City Hall Incompetence

Yesterday's summer storm should clearly point out to everyone in the metro how hopelessly out of date and in need of repair KC's Sewer/Storm system has become . . . There was not a low lying area in the city that did not become an impromptu pool as more than a hundred motorists were left stranded. Obviously, the rain gardens didn't do that much good and are still rather ugly if you ask me . . . Only an out of touch old bag would think that something as pretty and useless as flowers would solve the 3 BILLION dollar crisis coming KC's way.

Still, if this town follows its normal course of action then I guess we might as well start building some high dollar attraction in lieu of actually dealing with the problem. I think resurrecting the aquarium idea might be in order seeing as how new underwater visitors to the city might be able to teach us something about adapting.

Anyway, thankfully and strangely nobody died during yesterday's torrential downpour. Hopefully, what happened was that all the illusions regarding Mayor Kay and City Council were washed away . . . They have failed this city in every respect and with any luck a tide of angry voters will rise up and wash them away . . . However, with election day turnout down to a trickle I wouldn't count on it and politicos have always done a great job (with the help of local MSM) of drowning out the concerns of citizens in this town.

Celebrate meaningless victory for the Chiefs

This routine never gets old and it's good for not only tax money but also ad revenue. I know I'll enjoy the upcoming season almost as much as watching drunk people from JoCo speed back to their homes once the games are finished.

Smacks of revisionist history

How come so few people want to really examine the fact that Charlie Parker loved his dope every bit as much (probably more) than his music? I haven't finished listening to all of this report about the guy but what I've heard so far follows the standard reporting that only briefly mentions the guy's addiction rather than portraying it as the dominant figure in his life and death.

Everybody should say thanks to EMAW

More than three weeks ago, a local blogger commented on a YouTube video full of dumbasses trying to look hard for a home video camera. Happy in Bag and I kicked it around, I posted the video later with my usual ranting and he followed with a far more eloquent take on the subject.

And then the local MSM took notice.

Greg Reeves aka "KC's biggest Douchebag" posted a write-up and then most likely fabricated a bunch of comments . . . Seriously, would you read his splog if it wasn't affiliated with the Star? Then, Jerry Agar kicked the thing around on his Friday show for more than an hour in what was actually a bit of inspired radio . . . All of this happened without even mentioning EMAW or the opinions of anyone who was not a media insider. Hell, Reeves didn't even throw ScooterJ a bone with a link only a hat tip afterthought!

What does this tell you?

The local media doesn't understand the blogging or the Internet at all and they don't even grasp the idea that a link or a mention is a sign or respect or at least reference to people who contributed to the discussion long before you . . . I know I'm a bit late with throwing a shout out to EMAW but I'm fairly certain that most people working in KC's larger media companies will never get it.

Once again back is the incredible

The Star unquestioningly reports more lies: Kansas City outlines a strategy for the new school year.

Conspiracies other than Tall Israeli control of the media

Hearne's recent column details the dude behind the upcoming conspiracy convention slated for KC on Dec. 9.

Sadly, I think Skelton is displaying onset of dementia

Missouri Congressman Ike Skelton says the United States should start a phased withdrawal of its troops from Iraq by the end of the year . . . He'd be better off sending ice water over there . . .

The City Council is full of frauds so why should one more make any difference?

Sandra McFadden-Weaver reportedly signed a couple of home mortgage agreements that went sour. Basically, everyone in the city has lined up against this woman so I don't see any reason to jump on the bandwagon. On the plus side, she once made it a routine to visit nearly every homicide in her district (an empty yet important gesture), on the down side this is just one of the many scandals that Eastside voters tend to ignore when it comes time to vote along lines of race or who will be doling out more patronage and welfare.

Blogging your way to better health

Amazing post from this local blogger about his diet and exercise regimen. I'd like to post mine as well: Dr. Pepper, Swiss Cake Rolls, Internet surfing and crying while looking at photos of Estella Warren . . . Also, in between there somewhere I change underwear every few days.

More that meets the ass

Finally . . . I was waiting for a local blogger to review the strange looking new designs for the new Transformers collection.

I don't mind the biomechanical side to these, but I really think megatron looks retarded for some reason. Mainly because he retains no iconage from the original. To me this would be just like making optimus prime transform into a weinermobile or a log cabin. I know michael bay wants to keep this updated for the new generation, but all this is going to do is piss off the old folks that made it popular in the first place....and seriously how will a toy of that work exactly?

I don't know much about design and I hate all those "kids today . . ." bloggers posts but I have to say that I fear for the future when even the toys for the youth of today look like something out of an S&M movie.

Everyday bloggers write the book

The book meme is still going around the local blogosphere faster than a chubby blonde gets around Westport. I'm really impressed with the answers of the X-man, you will be too.

"Flooding Brookside"

Here's a great firsthand report from a local blogger in what should be a storm of outrage headed toward City Hall regarding KC's shitty sewer/storm system . . . Why do I combine the two terms, because they're basically the same thing . . . And that's really shitty (and gross) when you think about it.

Downtown Maze gets even worse on Monday

Thirteenth Street, from Walnut Street to Grand Boulevard, is scheduled to close at 9 a.m. on Aug. 28 until mid-October for street replacement for the new Power & Light entertainment district. On the bright side, it'll be completely empty as soon as the P&L District is complete.

Because kids need to learn about kickbacks as well

Kansas City Youth Commission is taking applications.

That's Hot

A limousine exploded into flames Friday night in front of a popular Crossroads restaurant. Hipster posing gets a little harder or maybe includes some photos of fireman. Actually, that's cool that the authorities was were there because most people wouldn't pee on these limo driven douchebags if they caught fire.

Marshmallow Bee at Sparrow's Fall

If you aren't a regular reader of KC comics that headline doesn't make a lot of sense but let me assure you that local artist Parrish Baker is posting some awesome pages today. Check'em out.

Blogger Backtalk: Rain or shine

I can't say I can blame the Irish fest folks for being concerned about the weather.

A local conservative blogger writes: " Rick Santorum and Jim Talent and others need our help. Are you doing your part?" I'm not sure, I've never went gay bashing and it's been awhile since I've punched a child in the face for being poor but we'll see what happens tonight.

A blogger in the gutter.

More great bar hopping blogging from this local blogger. It's a really great piece of documentary work, almost as good as Ken Burns and you'll probably pass out but not from boredom.

This local blogger post "The Wet Blanket Award"

Can we ever trust Asian people again?

Life is like Asian food, you never know what you're gonna get.

I'm sorry folks, this post may not seem relevant to you but I'm dealing with some really serious personal turmoil right now . . . See, I basically live off of Chinese food and now come to find out that a local Asian market was indicted Thursday for allegedly selling dirty meat to customers. This is the worst kind of betrayal because when I (never) order pork liver, I don't want inedible pork lungs instead. A guy has to have standards . . . Also, people who deride stereotypes about Korean food have never heard meows and barks coming from a kitchen or understood that Kim Jong-il is going to kill us all and not Osama.

This is so sad to me because we have made so much progress since December 7th and the subsequent stereotype that all Asian people are horribly sneaky. But now my trust has been put to the test again and I'm almost considering becoming a vegetarian if I didn't believe that homosexuality was a sin.

Never mind that there are many different varieties of "Chinamen" in Kansas City ranging from the gangster like Viet Cong in the Northeast to the valley girl Viet Cong in the suburbs of JoCo. But I digress . . . This isn't about ethnicity, it's about putrid ethnic food.

The prospect of our local friends from the far east serving up 9,000 pounds of tainted food in KC is just plain scary and makes me reminisce about the good old days when the same Asian market was owned by the Italians who only ground up their cousins and Jimmy Hoffa once in a while to add flavor to the meatballs they provided . . . Ah, this melting pot of different cultures in KC wouldn't be so bad if we could all promise to limit the amount of uninspected food that's unfit for human consumption into the mix. But expecting multiculturalism to have any limits is downright pigheaded.

On a final note, this is a true story: My Grandma grew up in Texas during WWII. I was told, very matter-of-factly, that on her way home from school she regularly walked by the Internment (read: Concentration) camps for the Japanese-Americans and made fun of them with the children's classic slant eyed gestures . . . Before you get too down on her, just remember that she didn't build the camps . . . White people like you did.

More freebies for KC School Kids

Not that I'm opposed to free haircuts but it seems like it'd be a lot cheaper just to go ahead and make a serious effort to provide a decent education rather than promote the place with door prizes.

Republican Racism

This blogger is spotting a trend that started sometime after Lincoln was shot in the head. Still, I love great quotes and this is so much more blatant than the Democrats encouraging abortion and the mass slaughter of brown children, the welfare state and encouraging all kinds of mediocrity from Jesse Jackson and Bill Richardson to public schools.

The Blacks are, in fact, killing each other in this town

Dave Helling proves exactly how lame he is by referencing one of the corniest songs ever written but the post was excellent . . . And Terry Riley really needs to be more concerned with reality in KC rather than enforcing PC bullshit . . . Ugh, was that a rhyme . . . I'm pretty lame myself.

Town Topics: Hot for teacher (I guess)

Missouri kids learn an important lesson: Privacy is a thing of the past.

No news is news. This was just false advertising, the police (unfortunately) don't seem any closer to solving a triple murder that involved an unborn baby. Channel 9 is going just as tabloid as everyone else as they are soon to move into their new suburban digs.

Dead woman in alley in KCK

High Energy performance: KCP&L Asks To Raise Electricity Rates

Fighting with wife cuts deep

Drugs, Guns Found In Shawnee House . . . Potpourri too but that's to be expected.

Royals fans are out of it

A wonderfully desperate post from a local blogger and Royals fan laments:

"And despite a season-long duel with the Pittsburgh Pirates, it appears the KC has triumphed in the bid to be the worst team in MLB this year."

It's an important achievement and anything less would have been used not only to sell more season tickets but also to probably raise taxes or make sure that even more parking money went straight to the County. As long as the Royals are the worst team in baseball there's always less danger of them trying to get a better deal here or someplace else . . . In much the same way that you should only start worrying that your spouse is cheating if they begin to change their underwear more often or lose weight.

Blogger Backtalk: In praise of Pluto

A lot of bloggers are upset about Pluto, Death's Door explains it best.

Another insight that made me laugh, a local blogger reminds us that they prefer to be called "little planets."

Finally, my favorite lovely local blogger kicks it old school regarding the lost planet.

Blogging isn't a vocation but it's damn educational: "Nursing school = some form of punishment for something awful I did in a previous life."

Bloggers write the best customer reviews: "Eat a Dick" says this pissed off patron.

"Every metropolis has a standout jazz organ player. Kansas City's is Everette DeVan." One of the best local music blogs shares some insight on one of this town's best.

Here's an awesome old school local souvenir posted by a local blogger: "Union Station by Moonlight." It's quiet, still, peaceful and mostly empty . . . Just like nowadays only with better lighting.

What'cha gonna do?

Here's some stuff to do this weekend other than stopping all your snitching.

Also, after watching one the scariest things I've ever seen in my life I want to remind you all to stay safe out there - have fun but don't forget to wear a condom while wearing your seatbelt and DO NOT FORGET that the FUZZ are going to be out on the street IN FORCE this weekend busting drunk drivers . . . wear your walking shoes.

The Event Driver lists lots of shows this weekend, including:

Brooks & Dunn at Verizon...
Ben harper at Starlight...
Club Wars Shows...

Check out his site for more info. Also, he provides some ticket info.

Present Magazine also shares some local links this weekend:

August 25, Friday, 6-10 PM
August 26, Saturday, 10 AM-10 PM

August 27, Sunday, 10 AM- 6 PM
38th Annual Parkville Days Riverfest
A festival complete with carnival and fantastic music by Skip Hawkins Band,The Bolt On's, Hal Wakes, Yard Dogs, Rain Dogs, Doghouse Daddies, Max Groove, The Proof with Quinn Harvey, Dixieland Six Band, and Laura Giess. A performance by the Creative Arts Academy Dance Troupe, a parade, and a Little Miss/Mister Parkville make this a fun time for all.
www.parkvillemo.net


Friday, August 25, 7 PM
Poetry from Mark Hennessy and Ed Tato
Kansas City Native, and featured poet (PRESENT, March 2006) Mark Hennessy will read with Ed Tato. Diamond Heart Club and DJ Shellac will provide music. Keep your eyes (and mind) open for jugglers, dancing bears, fire eaters, and the white rabbit. Free for all.
The Writers Place
3607 Pennsylvania
816.753.1090
www.writersplace.org

Friday, August 25, 8 PM-1 AM

Funkshion
Standard Style presents a night where fashion meets beats in a benefit for the AIDS Service Foundation of Greater Kansas City. Featuring DJ Spider. The $5 dollar cover charge will be matched by an additional match of $5 per entrant and be directly donated to the AIDS Service Foundation of Greater Kansas City, benefiting several local charities.
VooDoo Lounge
1 Riverboat Drive
816.889.4237
www.voodookc.com
www.michaelwente.com/funkshion.htm

August 25, Friday
Eddie Delahunt
He makes a great cup of coffee and sings a lovely tune (and sometimes a raunchy one). If you want to know more about this Irishman-turn-Kansas City character look him up in our PRESENT, August 2006 issue!
Mike Kelly's Westsider
1515 Westport Road

Only football nerds like myself will appreciate this next one:



August 25, Friday, 11:30 AM
Rainy Day Books presents Lou Holtz
Legendary football coach, motivational speaker, and bestselling author will talk about his new book, Wins, Losses, and Lessons.
Westin Crown Center
One Pershing Road
816.474.4400
www.rainydaybooks.com

August 25, Friday, 7-10 PM
Art Unleashed
A live and silent auction to benefit The Greater Humane Society of Greater Kansas City. What better way to spend an evening than viewing and bidding on beautiful, charming, original pet-themed artwork from some of Kansas City's very best artists? There will be all kinds of artwork up for "adoption"—watercolors, sculpture, jewelry and more will be available for bidding—a little something for everyone. There will be hors d'oeuvres and a beer and wine selection, all donated by generous area restaurants and chefs. Tickets are $30 at event.
Grace & Holy Trinity Cathedral
13th Street and Broadway
www.hsgkc.org

(Even More) White Flight in KC Schools

Once again, white kids are leaving the KCMO School District in droves.

Only one question remains: Can you blame them?

The KCMO School District hosts consistently low test scores, sickening graduation rates, a host of arsons and fights with regularity along with one major political or racial squabble every year or so. Additionally, the district is presided over by a confirmed bigot who would rather not hire anyone who isn't Black. On top of all this, I hear the school lunches aren't that good and the lunch ladies rarely smile.

This is not news. The district is beyond repair and the only solution politicos or Federal judges have come up with is to throw money at the problem.

The article reporting this fact was pretty straight forward but what it doesn't do is place blame.

So I will, blame should be directed squarely at KC's Middle Class Black Population.

"These people" have supported one incompetent official after the next. They have worked only to make sure that the district functions merely to provide patronage for their community and the top heavy administration is filled with employees who are there only because somebody was owed a favor. This is how things normally work in Kansas City but the fact that it works this way at the expense of this town's ability to provide basic public education is shameful.

And nobody wants to hear about the bright spots either. While a modicum of success has been achieved by one school singing Ladysmith Black Mambazo before they do algebra problems, overall that's just not impressive.

While you might say that this is all rhetoric or ranting . . . The truth is that anybody with a choice is leaving the district . . . And that's just more proof that KC Schools are beyond repair and the only service left to provide is helping other students avoid this train wreck and find some alternative form of education. From overpaid executives to parents that don't understand that some schools just need to be closed down in order to save money . . . So many white kids leaving the district are doing the right thing when it comes to a situation like this; time and again history has shown us that the safest thing to do in the midst of a disaster is to run.

The local Latino community has never had any faith in the African-American dominated district and they have either turned to Catholic schools or now Cristo Rey to escape the district's criminally negligent Hispanic dropout rate of more than 50%. It seems now that even the last remnants of the white community isn't falling for propaganda disguised as progress.

And yet, I'm sure that this news is going to engender impassioned responses from the Black community . . . More garbage, excuses and whining about "systemic" racism and the like when the fact is that the KC Black Middle Class are the people in control of the local school system. And in the end, any response from district leaders is just more politics, more passing blame which will undoubtedly be supported by local Black politicos and in turn by whatever small segment of that community who might care about this thing and who ultimately get what they deserve when it comes to supporting the incompetents who are running the institution into the ground.

Council votes on raise for city workers today

In order to attract and attain qualified employees the city is voting to increase salaries . . . Seeing as how nobody in their right mind would move to this town for the schools, (rapidly disappearing) neighborhoods or the cultural attractions (i.e. Internet porn and Chili's).

White Katrina victims are okay I guess

Personally, I hate most new arrivals to this city but if you ask anybody in social service about local increases in child abuse, substance abuse, domestic violence and just plain pain in the ass problems . . . They will all tell you there is a direct correlation to the influx of Katrina refugees in KC. Do your own research while The Star simply focuses on feel good stories regarding white people.

Dust in the Windy

Or Dog Gone

Gary Lezak's dog died. Sad I know, not only because pets are great but also because it was the only local weather personality who didn't have to be ashamed about licking ass.

The most ignorant thing you'll see on YouTube related to KC

Check out Happy in Bag later today, he e-mailed me earlier about this video that we're both trying to do our best to ignore but it's simply too stupid to put out of my mind. Expect a much more insightful post from him, whereas I think that garbage like this is simply just one of many excuses to go and find Kimora Simmons and punch her in the face.

Seriously, I don't think Pope John Paul II was thinking about hip-hop dirtbags making "hood" videos when he talked about a culture of death but that's the first thing that came to my mind when I saw these local dumbasses waving around their guns and drugs.

Surprisingly, this video seems as if it was shot in the winter so these guys managed to survive last year's murder spike . . . Cool, but it seems more like dumb luck.

Buck, the trend, this town and sports writers with forked tongues

Leave it to Dallas Penn to write one of the most insightful posts regarding the rejection of Buck O'Neil to the Hall of Fame. Seriously, the post penned by Dallas offers an amazing history lesson about a few players who had it even harder than KC's favorite Black baseball player (non-Dominican category).

All this liberal boohooing and handwringing is coming from the very same sportswriters that have elected NOT to vote BUCK into baseball's prestigious Hall of Fame. Well if all of you sage and just writers really wanted this old codger to be able to smell the roses while he was still breathing you would have voted for him. No sense in giving a Black any credit while they are alive anyhoo I guess. Just look at how 3-6-MAFIA acted.

It's true and it's also important to realize that if Jason Whitlock is your biggest ally (figuratively and not regarding his big fat ass) than you're really dealing with a lost cause. Of course, I think it's important we celebrate the baseball history of this town even if it's not in the Hall of Fame . . . Seeing as how the Royals season is history around June and this time of year is usually when the worst team in baseball is around 100 games back.

Bloggers Bare All

"My dad doesn't smoke pot anymore." Yeah, you know any blogger post that starts off with a brutally honest line like that one is going to be amazing. Go read the rest and then realize that you'll never get that kind of honesty from anyone working in print.

Blogger Backtalk: A few of the better broadcasts

Stereotype or no, always take drinking suggestions from an Irish guy.

Another local blogger on the airwaves. I'll post again if he hits me back with the MP3. He's an anarchist, so I don't know if they believe in tips.

No homo and no joke . . . I would read the "Baby Awesome Blog" everyday if it was offered.

SAVE WHITEY

This City Hall Candidate makes a lot of sense: "As far as gondolas and miles and miles of track to nowhere? I don't think so."

Local color and black & white from Mac . . . Great photos.

Abortion training isn't optional in the Ivy Leagues . . . The Whole Wheat Blogger reports on how the rich really want you and your (mostly poor and brown) babies dead.

Town Topics: Evening update

Put all crazy kids on the Internet.

Heroin ring in KC broken up, smackheads must have patience for a least a week.

KCMO students soon to get gifts in lieu of a decent education.

Not so shocking, everybody's got problems: A Kansas City police officer was accused of child abuse. I guess Tasers don't teach kids (or anybody else) anything much.

Another suburban soccer stadium plan makes me realize that even the sports are fake on the outskirts of the city.

Mayor Kay has nothing better to do than enforce codes . . . And subsequently continue to kick poor people and minorities out of this city.

Show-Me less construction cones: Hitting a highway worker just got more expensive.

The people of JoCo increasingly ride the JO because not even good jobs will sustain suburban bliss nowadays.

Baby Got Blogs

I've recently become a big fan to two great local blogs. One is new and one I recently discovered. Check both of them out and you could do a lot worse than making them regular reads:

Arrowhead Pride - A great new Chiefs resource. Lots of links and commentary and it thankfully isn't beholden to Lamar Hunt like the rest of the local media . . . So you might actually read something insightful when the Chiefs are inevitably out of playoff position by the middle of the season.

Plays Well With Others - This blog is just amazing and full of witty insights that make me realize that my page is actually pretty vulgar. Anyway, I admire the guy's writing and because I think he might be a homosexual I also have to mention that I'll never understand why those guys are always (stereotypically) in so much better shape and much more well groomed than the straight population of dudes. My theory is that there is something so draining, frustrating and annoying about dealing with women that it makes you not care about changing underwear very often. Sometimes I wonder why I bother and then I think of Molly Sims and everything seems alright again.

Mixed bag (nullus)

I was thinking a little bit more about this light rail ballot issue and the rock from which it crawled under.

Of course more funding for public transportation is a good idea but the champion of this measure just makes me cringe.

I often say that life is give and take . . . And having more access to public transportation in KC is a great thing; but if Clay Chastain is riding this train I think I'd rather just walk to where I'm going.

Here's a short list of similar things of which I'm reminded of by this initiative, wonderful things that would be great if not for their inherent drawbacks:

1. A threeway with two fat women.
2. An amazing victory in a desert war followed by a subsequent quagmire while trying to establish Democracy.
3. A kick ass local blog with no sponsors (shed a little tear for Tony)
4. The good fortune of all your ex-girlfriends.
5. A blowjob from a woman with no teeth.
6. Local celebrity (shed a little tear for Phil Whitt)
7. Free food at Burger King.
8. An early season Chiefs victory.
9. Sex with conjoined twins.
10. A good life insurance policy.

The anti-immigrant crowd is filled with losers

I was thinking of Pat Buchanan's latest trashy novel and how it relates to Kansas City . . . Also, I think I know why the propaganda piece fails to inspire in me the kind of fear that's normally elicited by Fox News . . . Thing is, I've been to a few local anti-immigrant gatherings and they are usually filled to the brim with losers. Really, these are loners, nerds, (beautiful) angry white women and old men. They are not people who you would want to hang out with, these are people that make NASCAR fans look like royalty.

Case in point, Krazy Kris Kobach is still trying to recover from his inconceivable loss to Dem Dennis Moore in a Republican district. Now, he's just another crazy ass UMKC professor (one of many) that must be endured by his students trying to graduate on to chasing ambulances. Put simply, a tall good looking white guy like that (No homo) would have gone much farther by now had his hate not held him back. Let's not forget our local retired law officer who didn't earn a decent enough pension to relax during his retirement and will instead spend his golden years angry, taking photos of brown people and in the company of a bunch of "minute" men - a description which would only make white guys proud.

Let's not forget that Pat Buchanan hasn't had a real job since the 80's.

On the other end of the spectrum, hanging out with my mojado brethren during the immigrant rights marches was like going to a picnic. There were families, kids, music, punk teenagers and plenty of giant Latina asses which made me feel right at home. It was just as much of a party as a protest.

So I'm not scared in the least that some angry Irishman is selling a lot of books to people who just want them to display in order to scare any minority who enters their home. Politics, capitalism and this country were built upon halfway intelligent people taking advantage of losers who let ideology blind them to the self interest of people who are just a little more shrewd . . . I know that I'm a lot more upbeat about the War in Iraq when I think of the benefit to Dick Cheney's financial interests.

Star Struck: Out of Touch

• Everybody already knew KC Schools are/were/will always be shitty.
  


• Light rail ballot would prove even more luminous with no mention of Clay Chastain.


• Falwell in KC: "God loves cancer"


• Summer teen death story always seem more sentimental when white kids are involved.
  


• Bitches fight about each other's reputation in local politics and every place else.
  


• Everything having to do with antiques or collectibles is a con.


• "A kinder, gentler school for children." Translation: Yet another white hippie hangout where the minorities are a little less likely to beat the shit out of your kids.
  

Right Here in River City: Again we learn that life ain't nothin but bitches and money

• MO Auditor Candidate makes an error worth nearly 200k. So obviously she's qualified and will fit right in.
  


• A crazy situation for Claycomo cops that nobody can blame on "colored" people . . . Thank Christ.


• Did Country Club Kay sends in the troops now that she knows that none of her people (Chuck Eddy can you hear me?) will ever get any support from anywhere on Red Bridge. Note: Tony likes conspiracies way too much.


• Downtown redevelopment still all wet.


• See your favorite street pharmacist instead. Or Just say no, whatever you're feeling.
  


• One more reason you shouldn't ever try in gym class.
  


• Two for one Tuesday shooting in Liberty recently.
  


• I don't care about snatch in Overland Park unless it's blonde with big hair. Even the crime in this suburb is quaint and probably beige.
  


• Metro Autism Center Closed . . . Little response.
  


• Going batty in KC.

Blogger Backtalk: Willie or won't

• On the bright side, the KC School District couldn't get any worse. Even with that bigot David Smith in charge.


• Willie Nelson endorsed Claire McCaskill for U.S. Senate. It's not even worth asking if he was high. Eh, I'll probably like any tune the guy sings. We'll call this one "lesser evil" in the chord of G.
  


• Amazing, depressing and important post from a local blogger about drinking, diabetes and the death of a friend.
  


• Sneaking around on Ah-nold is always a bad idea, because . . . You know . . . He'll be back. However, The Whole Wheat Blogger admires a state showing a little courage.
  

"Elmo is a brother"

I did not know that the puppeteer who created Elmo is a Black dude. I think this is important and it's clear from the article that Kevin "Elmo" Clash does too. I don't know exactly what it means but it must mean something.

Child of the 70's that I am, I can't think of Sesame Street as anything but a purely white hat operation . . . Operated solely by leftover white hippies . . . Word to Jim Henson. Educational TV with no commercials and a few Puerto Ricans . . . They had me at hello.

This reminds me that I need to make a more serious effort to be a little more creative around this place. Sure, smart ass comments are wonderful but there is so much more room to make a mockery of some of the news that comes out of this town.

And yet somehow I still envy people who use their creativity to educate and entertain so many children left at home with only TV as a baby sitter. I was one of those kids and I considered everyone on Sesame Street a part of my family.

Then I go on to think that it's just another TV show. And I remember that stuffy limey bastard Nick Haines who works for the same "company" and thinks he's better than me with every breath sucked into his chrome dome. And then I think of all the publicly funded white guilt liberalism promoted by PBS . . . I look back on Sesame Street, think of one of Dave Chappelle's bits and realize that The Count was a pimp, "Snuffy" was a smack addict and the Cookie Monster was most likely on Meth. Additionally, from my own vantage point I always hoped Maria was a bit of a whore but that's only because I was a bit raunchy even as a toddler.

If there is a point to this post (there isn't), it's that I'm now beginning to realize how much things have changed in this world since the time I was a Sesame Street watching kid. The make believe characters on Sesame Street are Black guys now and not just hippies, some characters have HIV . . . I've always thought that part of growing up is to learn that almost everything you were taught as a child was a lie and then look back and idealize those lies . . . In much the same way that former lovers always seem somewhat enticing until you realize that they were control freaks with huge vaginas and expensive tastes.

Back to the Future folks . . . Where all of your disappointments lie.

Size issues

Kansas City is still the 27th largest metropolitan area, according to the latest population estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau. However, population density has increased if you gauge all of the expanding asses in this town. Still, to make KC feel better you should lie and say that it's much bigger than your ex.

Smokescreen: The Star doesn't care about KC's financial health

Today the Star publishes a stupid editorial endorsing a KC smoking ban. The silly opinion simply proves that the paper is the product of JoCo writers who don't understand anything at all about this town. Furthermore, they write of "anti-smoking forces" who I'm guessing must be housewives who have given up sex. Sadly, this position doesn't take into account the fact that smoking bans have harmed businesses once they are put in place. Don't get me wrong, I hate smokers and smoking but clueless columnists who stand firmly behind an issue (No homo?) that nobody really cares about represent a greater danger to this city's safety. Also, people should have the right to kill themselves however they want . . . Whether that means the option of smoking, working in a bar or living on the Eastside . . . As usual a group of women with too much time on their hands are doing their best to limit your options in much the same way that they've probably crushed the spirits of their husbands.

Kansas State Competes for Saudi Students

I'm sure that one way or another the competition is getting blown away or then again maybe somebody's effort will crash and burn. However, don't get me wrong, I'm all for immigration and I welcome everybody coming to this country to better themselves whether it's representatives of the Royal House of Saud or Mexican dishwashers. Truly, the absence of comprehensive immigration reform is da bomb.

Spinning my wheels

You know, I've got this city all wrong. I've been really confused about the things that people really want to read about or popular links. Clearly, the most important issue facing this city is how to make our roads safe for people riding bikes . . . Even though most children quickly learn that the damn things aren't a serious form of transportation. Also, it's very important and newsworthy when young, beautiful (white) people die in senseless tragedies.

Same as the old boss

A litany of complaints against the KC School District doesn't seem to mention that the KC School District does a better job of getting rid of Mexicans than La Migra. I wonder why they don't just put David Smith at the border seeing as he has a strict policy of keeping out Latinos and protecting white women by keeping them unemployed.

Lovely Local Blogger Sheri Plays with my Balls

Check out this hot, sexy shot . . . While some may call it foul, I think it's a beautiful look at us doing the group thing.

Yet another burden

The cost of ensuring that old people and Mexicans can't vote in Jackson County: $470,000.

Having a factor other than voter apathy and decisions handed down from Diebold influence local elections: Priceless.

Speaking of burdens (jokingly of course), I was proud of my Grandma recently when I took her to vote. I helped fill out her ballot and she told me "Make sure I vote for all the women and minorities." Surprisingly, she voted against extending the age limit for judges, "the old bastards need to retire" I think she said and she didn't vote for Wheeler who is close to her age: "I remember when he was mayor and I didn't like him then either." The multi-generational exercise in bigotry and insult humor was heartwarming, really.

The vast emptiness of space studied at Union Station

Oh, and the Star's running yet another PR story that mentions yet another failed attempt to attract people to the big empty.

Licensed to Kill

The Star reports that in less than two months, more than 900 people have applied to carry concealed guns in Kansas. Even more are expected. I know I feel safer now that people who are good with paper work are strapped and on the street.

There is no more important problem this summer than pit bulls

Independence City Council members get to blissfully forget about Meth for just a moment.

Main Street Corridor Improvement could be coming soon

It's nice that they're going to spruce up the place before the inevitable death of a white JoCo interloper during a mugging leaves the place abandoned once again.

Say Anything: Teenage crushes in the real world aren't nearly as romantic

A judge ruled that the Appleby Confession Will Be Seen By a Jury. The murder suspect who gave a confession will have a harder time blaming Mexicans now - but it still makes a more believable defense than what his supporters have concocted.

Sexy Billboard Law Unconstitutional

Fortunately, Missouri Republicans now think that Mexicans are far more offensive than hardcore anal, Grandma porn and fisting videos. Apparently, they haven't had much contact with the nasty ass Germans.

DARE to be stupid

A Leawood PO gets the DARE officer of the year. But I was thinking that I have a few lessons I'd like to teach the good white children of Leawood as well. Such as: DARE is a horrible program that's been proven to be ineffective and just plain childish. The Drug War is yet another War against brown people. Your parents living in Leawood Mcmansions are ghouls who don't want you to know that minor non-violent drug offenses are just another way to put poor and brown people in jail AND they stay far away from communities where real drug problems exist but still manages to enjoy the carnage from afar.

Finally, rich & white = treatment WHEREAS poor & brown = jail.

Kansas City's hottest construction workers

A fun article from the Star doesn't mention that, if you're looking downtown, you won't find many minority construction workers to ogle.

Also, I think this article provides a bit of false advertising because I always thought that most construction workers were hot because they all weighed more than 300lbs. Via "The Story of a boy"

Burn in Hell Harry

Local blogger Joe completely deconstructs the intertwined legacy of Pendergast and Truman. I've always been a fan of "Boss Tom" but just like Joe I never understood the admiration of Truman seeing as that the only thing he liked more than dropping the N-bomb about local Black people was dropping a real one on Asian civilians.

Old St Patrick's Church, Kansas City

A spread involving a Catholic Church that thankfully does not include an alter boy. Nice.

Hop to it

This local blogger's relentless bar hopping knows no bounds. Check out this post for some awesomely detailed descriptions of a drinking spree.

Do the evolution

Isn't it time we all evolved. TFK takes a new residence, adapt your bookmarks for God's sake.

Seeing Red on Red Bridge

If you want to look at one of the best examples of Kansas City politicos literally trying to destroy a local neighborhood then you need to know what's going on around Red Bridge. Right now Chuck Eddy (with the tacit approval of Country Club Kay) is literally trying to run people over with a huge highway development and run them right out of their homes.

In the latest installment to this drama, the grassroots opposition to the project says that city workers and City Hall are harassing Red Bridge residents into giving up their land.

It seems to me that this whole fiasco provides yet another glimpse of how KC works when politicos want something in spite of what their constituents say and yet another disappointing look at how political power is really employed in Kansas City. And yet Mayor Kay and so many Council members still show up on TV answering softball questions about how they care about neighborhoods in this town when all they've done is work with big money developers in order to destroy them.

Chris Moreno Can't Stop Campaigning

When I was 25 the only things I relentlessly pursued were 18 year old high school girls, cheap beer and free porn that was hopefully faster than 16k on a horrible Internet connection I had at the time.

Chris Moreno has notably higher aspirations.

In his campaign for State Rep in the 48th District of Missouri the guy has been relentless in terms of getting out to voters and pleading his case against a Republican opponent that hasn't done much but preside over the ongoing disaster that is South KC, Raytown and the next local display of white flight . . . Lee's Summit.

Chris has put in an amazing amount of footwork for his campaign and also demonstrates an intimate knowledge of political issues that face Missouri as he rattles off facts and figures concerning education, healthcare and jobs in the Show-Me State. If you look closely you can see the guy pouring sweat as he had just recently finished going door to door in the 48th District . . . Chris and his small cadre of campaigners have visited thousands of houses and talked to countless people in an attempt to win a race in which their opponent has more money but nowhere near as much heart.

I want to do a few more videos with Chris in the future and I certainly hope he won't take any flak for appearing on my site which at worst is patently offensive. Hopefully, we'll see more of him as his David vs. Goliath match draws near. Note that the music starts up just as Chris finishes speaking, I think that was a good sign and just another indication that this young candidate is just getting warmed up.

Dos Mundos Day

On Saturday August 19th Dos Mundos celebrated 25 years of publishing one of the first bi-lingual papers in the Midwest. I was in the crowd taking photos and doing my best to avoid saying something offensive while schmoozing all of the big wigs who came to the party. The fiesta had a good turnout and I think that any place that's brave enough to pay me deserves a celebration.



I watched the first band perform, the did a pretty decent job but my main goal in watching the act was to get the number of the drummer's tailor. I did, and right now I'm posting this while wearing a very similar (and slightly larger) kickass white silk outfit. Rock on.



There were several live acts scheduled and this lady not only hit a high note that made my sunglasses crack but also did a good job livening up the crowd.



Several politicos showed up in order to pay respects, schmooze the Latino electorate and possibly take inventory for future immigration busts but these three stood out above all . . . I'm calling them the "Trio Politico" over my initial choice of "The Axis of Enchiladas" - mainly because that's something that I think is funny but I'd be offended if a white person used it. Double Standards are delicious. Anyway, from left to right that's MO 37th District State Rep Candidate Mike Tallboy, Jackson County at large winner (noted by the smile) Theresa Garza and 48th District State Rep Candidate Chris Moreno. Of course I have a bias here but it's indisputable how much all three of these up and coming young politicos have sought out input from the public recently. All of these guys have made a commitment going door to door in order to meet the public and prove that they are accessible to anyone who has a political issue they want addressed. This early in their careers it's encouraging to see that this future generation of political hopefuls aren't simply relying on endorsements or big campaign budgets but actually taking to the streets in order to earn support.



On the far right and left are Clara and Manuel Reyes respectively. I can't tell you how much I admire what they have accomplished. In terms of entrepenurialism and public service these two have been vanguards in the local Latino community for a quarter of a century. From what I understand, 25 years ago this couple risked nearly everything they had in order to provide a forum where Latino issues took prominence. Their gamble paid off and not only have they reported on the issues that effected Latinos but also they have raised the bar for coverage of Latino issues in general in this town. The work that they've done, the place that they created has made a difference in the way the media perceives Latinos in this community and shown everyone in KC that the best way to impact the power of the press is to have your own . . .

Finally, I wanted to know what the future holds for Dos Mundos. Advertising exec and co-publisher Diana Raymer shares her thoughts about the paper's progress to date and its future:

Summer is almost gone

Have fun and stay safe this Saturday Night folks. As the summer comes to an end, I hope you didn't forget to have a good time.

Drugs are not solely responsible for KC Crime

When the rate of violence increases in this town (or anywhere for that matter) there is always a rush to blame something like drugs or video games or the lack of school prayer or the availability of guns but this view doesn't take into account all of the societies in this world where any one of those things are pervasive. Personally, I'd like to blame this kind of simple cause and effect thinking for recent violence and part of the reason why this town is better at holding vigils than preventing violence.

Hickman Mills School District and its $600,000 concession stand

Nice to see that local public schools are getting their priorities in order. The project is late and overbudget but I can't see how anything like this could be justified in the first place but I bet it's a lot more useful than paying teachers more money.

Show Me voter suppression

Since there is so little news regarding the civil war in Iraq that I guess we should note all of the trouble we've been having establishing democracy in Missouri according to this latest headline - Carnahan: 240,000 Voters May Lack State ID

Naked Kansas City

A robbery victim near East 52nd Street and Agnes Avenue wound up nearly naked Friday afternoon. KC's summer crime wave is sessy! (Note: this probably one of my worst fears ever - the story is short and brutal like a bad dream)

Blog Confession #4,982

Of course, there is no danger of anyone ever thinking that somebody with a blog is cool. But sometimes I think that people don't realize how bad it is . . . Meaning, how much of a dork I really am. Here's a taste:

I think that Journey could possible be the greatest rock band ever assembled. Right now I can't get their tune "Stone in Love" out of my head. Damn KC's crowded dial full of classic rock radio.

Round and Round

There is a book meme going around the local blogosphere. I need to get my answers together but all of my "reading material" is stuck together (ewwww) so it's hard to keep track. Happy in Bag puts up a pretty great list.

"4-inch heels, a stripper and me"

A classic "heard in Kansas City" post for a great local blogger telling the story of her day. Sad to learn the strippers hate Hispanics as well but I'm a horrible tipper so I guess that's to be expected.

The Pitch is not an alternative publication

Since the departure of Tony Ortega, every week The Pitch barely rates a mention from people who follow the news in Kansas City. The New Times/Village Voice publication has taken to publishing formula articles about the "latest trends" in Kansas City that seemed to have been pushed on them by PR consultants and publicists which are then buried in one of the most impressive collections of ads in the city.

This week they are trying to turn the tide by publishing a hit piece directed at Richard Tolbert. This strikes me as funny given the fact that they had previously published love letters to both Mike Sanders and Katheryn Shields.

The article is penned by The Pitch's resident chickenhead Nadia Pflaum. While the piece is eloquently written but it lacks a basic understanding of what a long career in KC politics can do to a person, their finances and overall demeanor. Put simply, Pflaum readily displays that she doesn't know anything about life in this town over the long haul because she's just another journalist interloper. Like all female reporters in this town, her parents are probably footing the bill for her adventures while she creates a nice collection of clips in order to land a better job in a bigger market. I wouldn't be surprised if her previous gig was at Banana Republic.

But this is typical of the cowardly rag that The Pitch has become . . . They never delved into the seedy underbelly (ewww) of Katheryn Shields - they merely made their "investigative" piece a document devoted to the flip-flopping of Bill Waris. Also, they set up Sanders just as nicely as Oprah has taken care of Dr. Phil and never questioned the publicity hound's tactics or rampant Internet message board rumors that he's a closet ghey. Wanna know why? Because those are two people who have a decent amount of power in this town that you don't wanna piss off.

Whereas it's very easy to take pot shots at an old, broke, malcontent Black guy.

Truly, this piece offers a glimpse of the twisted reasoning that underlies white liberalism. A 3,000 word polemic about a guy who hasn't been a major factor in KC politics since the 70's as it attempts to battle the injustice of a few shitty houses in a shitty neighborhood, in a shitty part of town that the rest of this city doesn't really give a shit about . . . It's the illusion of investigation, the creation of a controversy that only exists in the mind of hipster reporters undoubtedly under the influence of one too many Soy Chai Lattes. Put simply, no one cares that Tolbert is a crappy landlord, nobody voted for him, this so-called alternative rag did nothing more than take some broken down old man to task because he doesn't fit the profile of the other "more professional" local politicians.

The article represents nothing more than the elitism put forth by The Pitch for more than a year now. But they can't have it both ways, the can't be printed by The Star and backed up by a big money corporation yet still represent themselves as an "alternative" publication. The tag line on their rag is nothing less than false advertising. They are the mainstream press with a distribution network and nice office space which indicate as much.

The only thing "alternative" about The Pitch is the fact that the publication is probably staffed by a slew of sexual deviants "homersexuals" and more casual drug users than you would find at one of the many crappy music events to which they claim "exclusive" access.

So from that vantage point, their hit piece against Tolbert looks a bit different than simply the examination of hypocrisy it was purported to be and more like a group of hipster scum adding their 2 cents to a political landscape with which they aren't really familiar. And in that sense, The Pitch is not an "alternative" at all but simply more of the same Tall Israeli/Steve Glorioso controlled media of which this city has become accustomed . . . At least until blogs came around.

KC finally gets serious about codes enforcement

A homeless man fatally shot in KC was recently found in the reflecting pool in Ilus Davis Park outside City Hall . . . Unfortunately, this is one of the more reliable ways to make a killing in downtown real estate development.

That's Rich!

Don't forget to head on down to the Ethnic Enrichment Festival this weekend on Meyer Boulevard and Swope Parkway. It'll be a great occasion where obliviousness meets naiveté and results in not only heartburn from bad food from other (nasty) cultures but also in an overwhelming sense that the only way we can get along is if we all act really, really phony. Sounds like more fun than one of those horrible Billy Jack movies. Enjoy leaving your segregated community for enough diversity to at least make it seem like you don't hate the people you are sure would destroy your property values.

Sometimes I think OneKC signifies the thumb we all have up our ass.

How come so few people mention that Churchill hated Gandhi?

Sure, Winston Churchill liked Missouri but he hated Gandhi. Isn't it racist ironic, don'tcha think?

God forbid we put the Black Archives in a library where nobody will notice that it goes unvisited

The Star politics for an ailing institution that few people support with their money. I guess they're hoping people will soon return the favor.

Equally worthless schools tie in meaningless list

KU and MU tied with eight universities for 88th among national universities in the annual U.S. News & World Report America's Best Colleges rankings. I would expect a tie between the two local big name schools when it comes to inaccessibility for minorities as well. Funny how white kids get a fun border war with mascots and cheerleaders whereas border wars involving brown people usually involve dead babies and deportation.

"It's good having Clay Chastain back at it again." Said the clueless columnist

OR . . . Return of the Clown

Hendricks shows just how out of touch he is . . . And now I'm wondering if they made sure to include some kind of ventilation in that glass encasement the Star columnists are trapped inside. Clay Chastain is one of those few people in KC that can make even the best idea seem unappealing. His ideas were never "his ideas" but simply things that other cities had already pushed forth. The fact that people who wanted progress in KC actually had to work around Chastain proves that his contribution was nothing more than media whoring which I'm sure a local columnist would confuse with genuine concern.

Liberty Water Parks are the shit

Clay County Health Department shut down two water spray parks in Liberty due to high levels of a diarrheal disease found in the water.

These places (water spray facilities) have become more popular recently because they are cheaper to maintain than swimming pools and they seem cleaner. Also, no matter how many life guards are on duty . . . Eventually, at some point every public swimming pool is going to have to deal with a dead kid floater or a some kind of similar floating fecal matter problem.

Personally, I stay away from both options because it all seems like human stew to me.

Baby Blunt Blames Liberal Media

When Republicans start playing the liberal media card you know that their administration is tired and needs a nap.

Sad to think that with all of the advantages this baby boy has been handed in his life that he still has the nerve to complain that he's not getting treated fairly. It's not like I expect him to grow up any time soon but he seems a little naive to expect coddling treatment from places that he has said that "nobody wants to live."

DNA evidence slightly less complicated than Appleby's swan song

The judge handed down a 24-page opinion ruling basically saying that DNA evidence can be allowed in the trial. Sadly, relatives and supporters don't have Johnny Cochran on their side.

Don't get any ideas: Man acquitted of killing girlfriend

The prosecutor called it the Bart Simpson defense: "I didn't do it, you didn't see it, and you can't prove it." But he's probably just upset that it worked, which makes him bitter little girl, kind of like Lisa.

"KCI-itis"

A pretty wonderful and all-encompassing post regarding this town's airport. Money line when it comes to the amenities: "If I can't smoke in it, it's not a fucking BAR."

KC is a city that sleeps

Scooter J seems to have taken a photo of what looks to be a city employee (or a very officious homeless person) playing catch up.

Shooters with closely-shaved heads could be part of a gang

KCKPD doesn't have a clue who recently shot at a few people heading home from the recent motorcycle rally in Sturgis, S.D. but they're still making a good case. Also, Curly has a posse.

Mudding party host forced to make many mea culpas

A sentence in a recent death offers are students another speech to sleep through.

Bad teachers could cost Missouri a bundle

Channel 9 reports that Missouri could lose as much as $2.2 million in federal educational funds unless it starts doing a better job tracking the qualifications of some of its veteran teachers. In terms of fairness this is great since long time local teachers are now sure to flunk as many tests as their students.

Whores on parade

Playboy looks for models and young, hot tramps look for father figures. A perfect match until sagging sets in at around 25 or so.

Women under fire in KC

On the bright side of a recent multiple shooting, I'm glad we're not going to have to endure any more of those overly optimistic columns from Steve Penn about the slightly lower homicide rate . . . Now that the August heat has burned yet another violent KC summer into our memory.

The latest tragedy involves two women and an unborn baby.

Police said the two women were in a parked car in the 3500 block of Walnut Street when a man walked up and fired 10 to 15 shots. The women attempted to drive away, but they hit a parked car in the process.

The shooter fled in a silver vehicle.

The women were taken to local hospitals, where they were pronounced dead.

One of the women was seven months pregnant. Officials said the unborn baby also died.

The gheys pioneered the whole silence = death movement back when Ronald Reagan could remember what social issues he planned to ignore. This was important step in making the gheys politically active so that they could one day attain ineffectual leaders who didn't really stand for anything but the advancement of their own careers.

Likewise, I never thought the "silence is killing us" campaign really clicked with the locals who obviously weren't persuaded to talk to the police . . . However, Mike Sanders won his election so I wouldn't expect him to say anything about the subject of KC violence any time soon either. Just like so many of us noted, this town is going to need a lot more than a catchy ad campaign if it ever wants to curb our summer tradition of murders mainly concentrated in the Black community.

Local animals far more healthy than people

Kansas City area was recently ranked as Grade A in the animal health industry. Translation: Privileged poodles will most likely get better care than your broke ass if they should ever get sick. Sadly, the Grade A designation doesn't represent edibility.

Conspicuous KC criminals should have just ordered a sign

With a 27-inch TV on the roof, a group of Black dudes crammed into a Geo must have known they wouldn't get far . . . They were about as obvious as Mexicans buying Cabbage Patch Kids for the damn birth certificate.

KC comes out for cancer stricken local musician

Patchchord reports: "The resulting outpouring of support for Rundstrom, both emotionally and financially, has illustrated the tight-knit sense of community area musicians and fans share."

"Talking about killing animals pretty much takes all the humor right out of me."

City Council candidate Mark Forsythe considers pit bull ordinances with a lot more common sense then the fear based TV news reports convey.

KC backs another bad business

Mayor Kay is so found of purses and such, she consistently leaves KC holding the bag when it comes to so many bad investments.

Presenting your weekend

Many thanks to the nice folks at Present magazine for this list of local things I won't be doing this weekend.

Don't forget to check out the new issue of PRESENT MAGAZINE for better ideas on what you can do with yourself other than the lame suggestions that your relatives offer.

Here are a few select links for local weekend happenings:

Festival of Butterflies
See hundreds of butterflies in a glass-topped conservatory, join in a caterpillar hunt, learn how to grow a butterfly garden, and enjoy special activities for kids.
Powell Gardens
1609 MW Highway 50
Kingsville, MO
www.powellgardens.org

The Girl Is A Ghost, The Pomonas, Jon Yeager Band
Mike's Tavern
5424 Troost
www.mikestavernkc.com

Crazy Talk, The Federation of Horsepower, and Big Iron
The Brick
1727 McGee
www.thebrickkcmo.com

Mallin and Charno Galleries - Members Juried Exhibition
Group show featuring Kale Jamieson, photography; Courtney Nelson, sculpture; and Margaret Selby, drawing.
Kansas City Artists Coalition
201 Wyandotte
www.kansascityartistscoalition.org

Jen Mellard's Photography Exhibit Unseen
The show will feature new black & white and sepia photographs of life's hidden details. The composition of soft edge and simple beauty focuses on strong lines and shapes from yesterday's farm machinery, organic elements, and moments never visited.
Room 39
1719 W. 39th Street
www.jenmellard.com

Ethnic Enrichment Festival 2006
Taste the world with great ethnic food, crafts, music, and dance. Music of Samoa featured Saturday, 8 PM, and Scottish Highland Games, Saturday, noon-5 PM. Free parking. Adult admission is $3 and children under twelve admitted free with an adult. Oh, yeah, you know I'm gonna try and make fun of this later.
Swope Park
Meyer Boulevard and Swope Parkway
www.eeckc.org

Second Annual Boxcar of Blues Festival
A "cool" street party presented by Knuckleheads and KKFI 90.1 FM with an air-cooled tent, a misting system, and air conditioning inside Knuckleheads Saloon. Grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and a live DVD to be filmed on site. Music line-up includes: Bugs Henderson with Kirby Kelly, Eddie "Devil Boy" Turner with Kenny Passarelli, Diunna Greenleaf & Blue Mercy Band, Andrew "Jr. Boy" Jones, Eric Lindell, Bel Airs, John Paul’s Flying Circus, Rain Dogs, Kool-Aide & the Exact Change Band. On Friday, tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the gate. On Saturday, tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the gate. Cash Only. Weekend pass in advance is $30.
Knuckleheads Saloon
2715 Rochester
www.knuckleheadskc.com

And just in case you felt like working on that one way ticket to Hell.
Introduction to Tarot with Steven Thomas
This is a great class for all those looking to get started with Tarot. In this class you will learn the basics and you can expect to have an understanding of all cards. Cost is $20.
Whitelight Holistic Resource Center and New Age Bookstore
1607 West 39 Street
www.whitelightbookstore.com

Hope all of this was informative as both you and I know that most of us will be spending Friday night eating fried chicken, watching TV and looking at porn.

Keep It Short Stupid

Your voices have been heard, your lack of comments and silly private e-mails have been begrudgingly noted. More links, less words and long columns only when it's important. I'm also reminding myself to keep it short with this post because this blog is only worth so much effort. On a similar note, I recently ran into a local bespeckled columnist who I think wanted to have sex with me. She also looked forward to the day when I dropped this blog . . . Neither one is gonna happen because career broads are nasty and it's really just more proof that women only wish for your failure. I should have been offended, but everyone knows you aren't supposed to pay attention to anything that bitches say . . . Word to Mayor Kay.

Things are rough all over

Here's why I'm not one of those (crazy) people who blame everything on the military industrial complex: It simply doesn't make a difference in my life.

Thousands of dead Iraqis: New episodes of Lost are on the way.
High gas prices: I rarely leave my mom's basement.
More than 2,500 American soldiers dead: Not me, I took a free pen from the recruiter and that's it.
Billions of dollars wasted or in the pockets of undeserving American consultants: The income I earn is so minuscule I don't think any taxes it generates pays for even one Halliburton luncheon.

However, I have to share the street with local real estate developers (scum of the earth) and KC is not alone in the onset of luxury housing replacing every other city priority. Dallas Penn writes a masterful post regarding how NYC has sacrificed every city service in the name of luring the moneyed class:

The 'hood payed as much taxes as anyone before the center city's 'revitalization' began. The taxes that are associated with lousy city services, low grade consumer goods and half azzed supermarkets. Now the city is telling the 'hood to pack up their bags again if they can't take the weight of this new development. I am all for new development, but how about letting me develop some small businesses with affordable commercial space? How about letting me develop some skilled workers with training centers that teach long term construction skills like welding, millworking, carpentry and plumbing?

Also, check the post for a rather frightening comparison of redevelopment and Joan Rivers . . . Which simply proves that you can slap a coat of paint on anything but that doesn't mean you should have sex with it.

I guess little white girls and Mexicans get what they deserve (???)

I'm really digging deep here in order to be offensive but allow me a few giant leaps in logic to put some issues in perspective.

A few of you have already asked me how I feel about this:

Retired police officer sets up chapter for Minuteman group in Kansas.

However, we ALL KNOW that there is no more important item in the news today other than this:

Former Teacher Claims He Killed JonBenet

Let's think this through and make some connections.

Like it or not, we live in a world in which we are judged by appearance. And what we can all learn from a glance at current events is this . . . It's best to not look like a freakish, vulnerable miniature super model AND you're better off not being brown.

Given that the dumbass cop from Kansas is simply going to patrol his neighborhood calling La Migra on every brown person he sees - that doesn't speak much for his police training by the way - and the fact that there is no more heinous act than violence against a white child . . . I have seen the writing on the wall. That's why I'm thinking about not only shaving my goatee and wearing more sunblock as to prevent even the semblance of a tan . . . I'm also going to continue to advocate my support and sponsorship of MILFS so that pervs of the world can direct their energies toward accepting women in need of a second chance.

We can have it all people.

We may not be able to live in a world where menial laborers can live in peace OR little girls can be inexplicably portrayed as sexual objects without a violent perv taking notice BUT we can realize that there are misguided people who are out to harm little white girls and people who have problems with Mexicans for whatever misguided reason they can only justify to themselves and their reactionary constituency so it's important to counteract their ultimately destructive aims.*

*Yes, I'm comparing The Minutemen to baby raping, child murderers if there was any confusion. I'm in good company seeing as even Bush called them vigilantes.

Bare minimum

The funny thing about a minimum is that once it's established, it becomes a standard of sorts. Sure, a lot of people make a whole lot more than the minimum wage but somehow that standard seems to enforce the paltry wages which are paid to people only slightly above the scale. It's why I think the minimum wage should be raised to 15 dollars an hour - but it's been proven time and again that people actually prefer to hire illegal Mexicans rather than pay a true living wage.

Anyway, while I don't expect much out of politicians, I'm always surprised when they don't even meet my minimum standards. Case in point, Jim Talent won't be a man and is keeping his stance on the minimum wage issue secret. Sad, because his Republican buddy Matt "spoiled Baby boy" Blunt is out there trying to make life harder for anyone unlucky enough to be born without a rich and powerful daddy. So it's clear that Talent lacks any kind of political courage as well as a decent haircut.

Thing is, there are a few good arguments against raising the minimum wage but Talent isn't going to bother. I guess he figures that it's more effective to campaign on the extremely unattractive alternative that Claire McCaskill offers. That' either a brilliant move or a bad mistake seeing as how poor dudes often settle for ugly broads who will pay their way rather than having to find a real job.

Chubby Chasers

If celebrity "news" is your bag (nullus) then I'm sure you've followed the story of Nicole Richie and her epic struggle with stupidity obesity.

I thought she was really brave very early on in her career to even go out in public, let alone play a role in a somewhat popular TV show, given the fact that she was more than 100 pounds overweight. Now it looks as if she's finally wining her battle against the bulge and she is only a few pounds away from fitting into actual Barbie clothes! Sessy!!! This should inspire KC women to give up solid food but let's not forget that KC is a town filled with women who typically use the phrase "size 16 and love to eat!!!!" in their personal ads . . . And then people wonder why divorce is so commonplace.

I don't know what got me started on this topic but it probably has something to do with a recent link from The Event Driver which reminded me that Chubby Carrier is going to play at the upcoming (and Free) 39th Street Art Festival.

Here's the listing:

Sunday Aug. 20
The 39th Street Art Festival
39th & State Line
The music starts at noon in the Chipotle Parking Lot
Chubby Carrier -6p
Valentine's Old School Knights - 4:30p
Terry Swope Trio - 3p
Last Free Exit - 1:30
Ernest James Zydeco - noon

Free

Have fun and remember ladies - Eating is sinful.

Kansas City is a ghost town

Mark Stinson is the man behind ghostvigil.com. He has been looking for ghosts around Kansas City but I don't think anybody has told him that he'd have more luck if he checked around downtown after 5 on a weekday night OR if he looked for business development East of Troost.

Anyway, today the Star features a great interview with Stinson regarding local paranormal research . . . Other than the motivations of ghouls like Steve Glorioso and Kay Barnes.

As a minority, this kind of stuff scares me because Hollywood movies have trained me to believe that people of color are more in tune with the netherworld. This stereotype is especially confounding to me because I can't listen to my loved ones for more than two minutes without bolting out the door and I'm regularly called an insensitive prick by everyone who knows me . . . So I don't plan on giving the spirit world any more consideration than I do real people.

Anyway, it's interesting to me that people wouldn't find this world scary enough without searching for terrifying information from the great beyond. Word to Elvis.

Plant your tu-lips on Troost

If you're tired of the irrational exuberance of downtown redevelopment that's akin to tulip mania then here is your chance to help out a less hyped part of KC.

Southtown Foundation's Troost Avenue beautification project "Tulips on Troost" might need your help. Here is an e-mail I recently intercepted because these people probably don't appreciate my all of my Eastside murder jokes:

Recently we received a $3,000.00 CommUnity Impact grant from The Home Depot and we are beginning to utilize these funds for flower beds on the 55th block of Troost this coming Sunday, August 20th. On Sunday with the help of 40 volunteers from Rockhurst's Financial Service Project, we will be cleaning that block and also installing 4 x 6 timber flower bed retainers around all the tree wells on the west side of this block. Additionally, we will be planting red mums in the newly created flower beds (approximately 12 2-gallon mums per each tree well). Anyone wanting to help is welcomed to join this group.

Anyway, I think they're marketing the event all wrong, they should have come up with something like "A great opportunity to role play as a Mexican gardner, only without the smell, 12 children and the Feds chasing you around."

It sounds like a good project as long as your sure to avoid all of the discarded heroin needles. Anyway, thanks to Dan for the tip and if community involvement is your thing - where you get your hands dirty and not just make speeches - you might wanna take a moment or two to smell the flowers.

"A good old fashioned minor league basebrawl"

Thankfully, there is at least one baseball team in this town and it's good to see that at least the T-bones have a fighting chance. Link via "Happy in Bag"

Powerful ciphering

A recent headline made me wonder what kind of lesson plan the following program employs:

"Making It In KC" Prepares Students for Manufacturing Jobs

I can only assume that the course will include a plane ticket to Southeast Asia and provide information on how to live by eating only a thimble full of rice that would barely sustain a small Asian woman.

The War at Home

An area Jewish leader and a Muslim leader face off in a recent Johnson County Sun article. I'm guessing the only thing they can agree on is how much they hate illegal Mexicans . . . And maybe inter-racial dating.

Olathe Ain't Playing

I hate to envy these suburban scumbags but I can't read news of Olathe rejecting the proposed Legoland theme park without getting a little envious. KMBZ reports that "Olathe City Leaders say the current offer doesn't include enough of the company's own money and decided against continuing discussions" Ah, if only KC could watch and learn, Legos are supposed to be educational, right?

Waking up to gunfire in KC

This morning the KCPD have shut down an area near 84th and The Paseo to investigate a brand new murder in KC. Thankfully, if you're planning to sleep late this morning - as usual nobody will make a peep after the gunshots.

Breakfast in KC

I prefer to eat mine off of a white woman's ass but here are a few alternatives that a local blogger has compiled.

What if you were called a Macaca?

Thing is, I'll smack somebody for looking at me the wrong way. BUT, I'm guessing that Virginia voters don't really care if their elected officials go around using French racial slurs. The same is pretty much true in the Midwest, where all the talk about illegal aliens has made me expect to see Chewbacca on the Boulevard some day.

Making a pilgrimage to KC?

I can only assume that Mike Hendricks is working with Al-Qaeda when he asks "Is KC a tourist mecca?"

Sure, he may be talking about potential tourist attractions springing up all over Kansas City or he may be unwisely joking about inviting potential terrorists to the area.

Sure, a great many people are within driving distance to Kansas City and they may visit local tourist traps OR maybe Hendricks is providing clues for an auto based attack on our city. Certainly, columnists for the Star have facilitated this town's demise by far less overt measures (Never forget Yael Boom-shaka-laka single handedly trying to bankrupt Jackson County with his support of the Stadium Tax).

But make no mistake, every Star columnist wants nothing less than the total destruction of this town and this guy's call for a Hajj to KC is just one of many clues.

Clean as a whistle

Sadly, all I know about Irish culture is what I've gleaned from watching television commercials. That's why I read Irish KC. His latest post regarding the Kansas City School of Irish Music and Monday night Tin Whistle classes seems pretty interesting.

However, I want to publicly dispute that it's not a Mexican Shower, it's an Irish Shower . . . Maybe we can settle on calling it a French Shower but it's gonna take some cooperation.

It's all fun and games in the suburbs

Olathe City Council considers a Legoland Theme Park in what I think is probably yet another desperate attempt to keep the suburbs as far from reality as possible. It's hard to take anything seriously when you're living in a world filled with plastic toys, cars and boobs.

Update: The project faced a setback that may or may not involve difficulty finding one of those elusive hinge pieces.

(No) baby love

KC Man Charged With Murdering Wife's Infant

Town Topics: Smoking hot local news

• Yet another local murder investigation underway, they elicit more "Shhhhhs" than a candy wrapper at a library.


• No smoking indoors in Olathe. Fume about your daughter dating a Black guy outside please.


• I'm not a big fan of the Northland but I don't want to see it go down in flames.


• Hey, just in case you forgot there's still a war on.


• Missouri company taking the fall for Bridge collapse.


• Siblings Reunite After 75 Years Apart having completely missed being together during the time in their lives when they weren't in diapers.


• Today's nasty story: Father and Son get wood together.


• NPR stops in KC and asks "What does our community sound like?" I wonder how many farting noises they will record.


• New person in charge of racial profiling on the highways.

Hot Latino Love!

Some photos of Hugo Chavez and Fidel have created quite a stir on the Internet. This local blogger has a pretty interesting take regarding the man on man affection. Certainly, I can see where the photo set might elicit a few homoerotic interpretations but I actually think it's kinda cool and realize that most white people have a hard time dealing with any Latinos who aren't serving food.

"It's only Latino part-time."

A classic Toast conversation on the subject of Snakes on a Plane and The Granada Theater. Also, that part-time Latino line made me laugh and think of a great many politicians I have recently met and a few of my friends who rediscovered their ethnic roots when college scholarship time came around.

Where in the world is Mark Parkinson?

He's not in any of ads featuring Kathleen Sebelius. Is she hiding the state's favorite sellout? And I'd also like to put in a request to see more of his sexy ass one-time step-mama.

Kansas City can only hear condo complaints

If we really want to get into neighborhood politics here I can say that this condo dwelling douchebag's complaints would resonate a lot more if every weekend there weren't more than a dozen illegally parked cars in front of the place that he's now begging for the city to spruce up.

There is far too little nudity in the news

Unfortunately, it all involves dudes:

Naked Man Attacks Police Officer
- I'm glad I wasn't around when they used the taser on this Cape Girardeau man.

Man Exposes Himself to Shoe Store Clerk
- Does it still count as safe sex if you use that nasty shoe store sock?

Police Pull Naked Home Invasion Suspect From Kansas River
- An old story but I like it because at some point the guy must have thought he could swim to freedom.

Minorities are sweet

If there is something that terrifies minority communities more than child support legislation, news that they're building more prisons or the odd chance that there could one day be a draft in support of George Bush's adventures in Arabia . . . Then it's the fact that minority health concerns are grossly underreported. Seriously, more people know that Paris Hilton is pretending to give up sex for a year than the fact that diabetes and heart disease are huge killers in minority communities for those of us (more than a dozen or so) who manage to avoid dying of AIDS or gang/drug violence.

Anyway, it's worth noting that Alonzo Washington and his kids have made progress in publicizing the prevalence of diabetes in the African-American community. Kamaal, Malcolm and Alonzo Washington are soon to currently appear in the pages of People Magazine (August 21, 2006 edition on page 51 - The one with Brad Pitt on the cover) promoting their comic book series that deals with diabetes awareness in a way that Spawn was probably too brooding to even think about . . . Meanwhile, diabetes and heart disease also run rampant in the Latino community and there are probably a few people working on the problem but they are no match for my Grandma who keeps on frying up extra servings of bacon for me to "snack on" (no joke) and serving greasy tamales like there was some kind of shortage in sight. Sadly, in most minority communities food = love and the impact of chronic health conditions are seen merely as a fact of life and not the result of genetic predisposition, the crap corporate America keeps shoving down our throats and overall subpar access to health care. While that might represent some misunderstanding on the part of people of color, I still blame white people.

Movie review: Why the Midwest shouldn't care about Terrorism

If there is one benefit to living in the fly over of this nation it's that I can rightfully care less about the terrorist threat to Kansas City. Face it, we have a hard enough time attracting tourists here at all . . . Osama's crew might actually be welcomed considering the fact that they would possibly stay longer than the folks from JoCo who only visit to KC in order to buy drugs, attain casual sex hookups and speculate on real estate backed by TIF money.

Like everyone else obsessed with the news. I went to see World Trade Center over the weekend. I think that my schweetie liked the movie because she was dramatically impacted by the events of 9/11 whereas on that day I was pleased that I could sneak out of getting my sister a birthday present.

Local blogger Dan writes up a really remarkable review of the film. I don't have Dan's insight but I'd like to submit a few tag lines that I hope capture the spirit of the movie:

"Watch Nick Cage's career implode"

"We didn't deserve to be attacked until this movie"

"Oliver Stone is all about conspiracy theories unless the Tall Israelis are involved"

"Just in case you forgot why tens of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians had to die"

"This movie cost about 300 billion to make"

"Watch mustachioed men get pinned underneath something without all the guilt and inner turmoil created by viewing ghey porn"

"Remember the day when you had to start hating people other than Blacks"

"The exact moment you should have started buying Haliburton stock"

"Turns out blood is actually a lot cheaper than oil"

"Eventually, this is gonna get blamed on the filthy, sneaky Mexicans"

Power to the peephole

Please don't think that I don't care about Black History. During the month of February I adorn myself in a dashiki and march into the streets every day yelling "Harambee!" at the top of my lungs. While I'm sure that my efforts would garner more credence if I wasn't drunk and half naked, it's merely a token of my support for the cultural traditions of African-Americans. Also, on rainy afternoons I listen to Roberta Flack and cry.

Anyway, the point of this is that recent efforts to earn support for The Black Archives have depicted the issue as a referendum on the value of Black History rather than the prospect of this town supporting yet another financially unsound attraction that nobody visits (i.e. Union Station, Liberty Memorial, The Zoo, the rest of 18th and Vine etc., etc.). For the number of people who would visit The Black Archives in Kansas City, Steven Penn would be better off building an addition to his garage to house the project rather than whining for the people of KC to fund the white elephant.

Thankfully, I have a solution. Let's put the Black Archives in a strip club. This town has always had a passion for jamming dollar bills up the asses of women in spite of the tacky decor most strip clubs offer. If the Black Archives hosted pole dances and a $10 cover the institution would be financially viable within a matter of months. Additionally, I'm sure the strippers wouldn't mind dancing to jazz so there might be an opportunity to get the American Jazz Museum off of KC's dole was well. Besides, strippers dancing to jazz might "class the place up" a little bit and anything is better than the horrible music that strippers prefer (read: Southern Rap).

There you have it, I'm part of the solution now and not just a sissified columnist who believes that everything Black should be on welfare.

Community activism will drive you to bankruptcy

I like Richard C. Tolbert not only because he was on the right side of the Stadium Tax issue but also because he was the only person running for County office who noted what a sham the whole thing is . . . Well, it turns out that having any integrity in this town will ultimately drive you toward bankruptcy. Simply contrast Tolbert's position with Country Club Kay's station in life - Some guy who likes to meddle in KC politics and fix up trashy old houses vs. A vampire woman who lives in a castle overlooking this town so she can easily swoop down and lay waste to this city on a whim.

Clearly, if you want a political career it's important to understand that there is more money to be had by endorsing every insane construction initiative and holding the umbrella of local real estate developers rather than showing any concern for the city's finances. It's actually a very simple get rich scheme that merely involves making money at the expense of local taxpayers . . . What's more, local real estate moguls will bankroll your endeavor if you have a shot at winning. The only impediment to the process is that there are SO MANY people who want to ride on KC's political gravy train that it's basically a buyer's market (Always has been for relatively worthless human souls).

Alternatively, earning an honest living, standing for something politically other than just the upward ascension of your career and not selling out at every opportunity . . . That might as well be a formula for going broke.

Kansas City is slightly less trashy

A recent report claims that there is slightly less trash on the streets this year as opposed to last year. This means one of two things: We're all doing a better job cleaning up after ourselves OR The JoCo club scene is starting to take hold and club hopping interlopers are finally starting to chase trashy, skanky broads in their own neck of the woods. While that news doesn't bode well for local businesses, it's good for keeping this town tidy.

Blogger Backtalk: Drinking, life and local gatherings

• This local blogger reports on The Boulevard Brewery Tour. Apparently, they give you a small sample and show you around. I'm pretty sure this is the same way crack dealers operate, only with better music.


• How do you find America? I'd follow the breast implants but this local Irish blogger shares a much more powerful story.


• A congregation of Knuckleheads other than those working in County Government.
  


• Have you noticed all of the bats around town? This local blogger demonstrates how to catch one. Whereas I just see this as more evidence regarding my theory that Mayor Kay is a vampire.
  

Aspire to Whoredom

This morning a local blogger reminds me that area broads will soon have an opportunity to show off the "goods" to people all over the world. Apparently, the institution which serves as the legacy of Hugh Hefner's wrinkled, saggy and Viagra filled penis will be at the Hyatt Regency Crown Center from noon to 6 p.m. Thursday and from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m Friday recruiting women to not only appear in various Playboy publications but also to help us all realize the fact that the greatest career achievement a woman can attain is that of a prostitute model/actress/whatever. Face it, most people would rather earn their income by humping - only women are merely three quick steps from it. Here's the equation just in case you forgot it: Waitress -> Stripper -> Porn. Luckily, the ladies of JoCo can often skip a few steps because of economic privilege, there is also a slightly quicker pathway for women to partake in exchanging ass for cash (other than a career in media). Minor drug dependency -> Prostitution.

I'm only hoping that every business in town will give local women the day off in order to participate. It's an important day in Kansas City history because this little contest could determine the exact ranking order of women in the metro. See, it's important to realize that the only inherent value that women have is measured in how good looking they are . . . Strangely, it's women who reinforce this system just as much as men because in the end nobody wants to have anything to do with an ugly broad.

Furthermore, let's not forget that ranking women based on their attractiveness and then assigning that value to the kind of husband a woman can attain (read: socially acceptable prostitution) is one of the foundations of humanity. It's important to note that the rise of feminism has coincided with a higher divorce rate, a greater number of teenage pregnancies and unwed mothers, the proliferation of STDs and the career of Jewel. In this and every other respect, putting women in charge simply ruins things. So local bitches ladies: Get'em out and let's strengthen traditional values and make your parents proud. This should be nearly as fun as judging cows at the American Royal.

The 2006 Black Weblog Awards - Vote Dallas

Last minute notice if you're up late people. Take a break from looking at porn and vote for one the BEST bloggers out there . . . Here is the link to the ballot.

And here is the name you should fill in:

http://dallaspenn.com/weblog

Time to renew the KC to Dallas connection with something a whole lot better than the Kennedy Assassination.

ROOTS, The KC School District and new technology

I didn't know this, but apparently a really great press release can eliminate the digital divide in this town. If you didn't know already the Digital Divide is what keeps all local message boards lily white and quite a few local blogs dedicated only to the discussion of emo bands.

I'll start with the good news (via Happy in Bag):

The Kansas City, Mo. School District (KCMSD) is the 2006 recipient of the $250,000 Best Buy Teach Award for demonstrating exceptional creative use of interactive technology to help make learning fun for its K-12 students . . . The district was selected for the top honor based on the strength of its ROOTS (Reaching Out with Opportunities in Technology for Students) program, a district-wide initiative to deliver more authentic learning experiences for students through use of consumer electronics.

I don't know what this sounds like to you but I'm guessing somebody found a way to attain a grant for playing Grand Theft Auto and then participating in a group discussion.

The ROOTS reference was interesting seeing as how the KC School District leaves its students (mostly African-American) woefully unprepared for the future yet still blissfully unaware of the 4th class education they have received - a form of mental slavery if you'll allow me to butcher an analogy. Also, there is little mention of Mexicans in either the film or the KC School District . . . Put simply, it's a showcase for Black struggle - and that's great if we were only talking about a TV drama but not so much when Latino students, teachers and administrators are forced to sit at the back of the bus or find an alternative method for educating their children altogether.

Still, from all that I've heard, read and understand regarding the KCMO School District . . . Not being allowed to participate may be a blessing in disguise.

Low test scores, a top heavy and incompetent administration along with the inevitable onslaught of reports of violence that the new school year is sure to bring forth . . . I hope the money the district receives from this award will somehow help an institution that is otherwise nearly bankrupt in every sense of the word.

Radio Days OR Tony has an insanely light voice when he gets nervous

A HUGE SHOUTOUT to J.J. who sent me the MP3 of the recent radio interview I did on KMBZ.

Also thanks to FOA who posted about the interview along with some way too nice comments by Mark.

Thanks to the folks who listened to the radio segment on KMBZ 980 and a special thanks to Bill Grady for the interview. I really liked talking to him and I don't know why but I was expecting a ton of "right wingish" attacks . . . As usual I was wrong, Sunday was clearly more laid back (and informative) then the regularly scheduled programming and as I was listening I was surprised to find myself enjoying his interview with Dave Helling. No wonder Helling has a blog ring dedicated to Xanga users who think he is "super cute."

Notes:

I only had time to drop one name. If it was up to me, and I could keep my composure, please believe that I would mention everybody (and more) on my blogroll. Instead, I think I spoke too much regarding personal motivations for blogging . . . Strange because most of the time I don't even understand them myself.

The diary bloggers are underrated. I write about politics, news and race because I don't have a life . . . I love reading people who actually do have interesting lives to relay.

When I get nervous my voice is actually that light; normally I sound like Isaac Hayes. Believe that.

Coming soon . . . News that ain't about me.

You probably shouldn't complain about bad pot

A local pot head recently learned a painful lesson about customer satisfaction as applied to the drug trade. Basically, "drug dealer" isn't exactly a profession and they aren't going to heed your complaints with anything other than a shotgun.

KCTV 5 (who else) reports the story:

Prosecutors said 25-year-old Larry Joneses sold Tyrone Stamps $25.00 worth of marijuana on Friday night.

According to police documents, Stamps called Jones to complain about the quality of the pot.

Prosecutors said that's when Jones and a man armed with a shotgun showed up at Stamps' apartment and shot him.

Pit bulls and people kill people not guns

• Multiple shootings are a horrible way to start your morning.


• KU commissions self-flagellation before NCAA takes a turn.


• TV news brings you yet another pit bull attack.
  

Dirty deeds done with supposed dirty needle

I was recently thinking that Sonic has to make some pretty funny commercials because all of the local news related to the place is horribly depressing. If it's not the most recent story of some dude robbing the place with an AIDS infected needle than it's usually a report involving some guy showing his wang to a car hop. Yeah, I know that jokes about drive-thru conversations totally direct my attention away from all the bad news that surrounds the place . . . Now if only they could put a little bit more effort into their cholesterol laden food.

KC has Country Club Kay's back for $ 115 million

I didn't know that the City is on the line for the inevitable failure of the P&L district as Mayor Kay and all of the other local politicos who have consistently proven that they don't know jack about real estate development have pledged to use general budget funds if the project's designated sources come up short. Put simply, you'll be paying for this bad idea voted in my less than 30% of the public for a long time.

Celebrate as we sprawl

Either today is backwards day or I just woke up in Bizzaro world.

Here are a few things that Kansas City really needs:

Yet another brand new suburb!!!

Another mediocre sports franchise.

More chain restaurants.

And by the way, we don't need any of the following things:

A serious efforts to fix potholes rather than just a neat new way to payoff local construction companies who make big political donations.

Sewers

More police sometime before 2015.

Thou Dost Protest Too Much

No one on the Plaza really cares about anything but let's pretend they do. Let's pretend that an impassioned group of Muslims and peace activists from across Kansas City really cared about Middle-East fighting or war or anything but trying to win sympathy points, rebel against long dead parents or find a guilt free method of socializing.

If the hippies who congregate at the JC Nichols fountain are truly committed then their protests are still pointless because they ignore some of the nearby tragedies that aren't the subject of 24 hour cable news coverage. I've made this point before but so I'll spare you most of the details.

But a simple fact remains clear . . . If these dirtbags hippies really wanted to work for "social justice" or whatever meaningless term they've recently devised then their efforts would start in KC and not the other side of the planet.

The only thing I can find remotely funny about the protests is that they've now started to bad mouth Israel . . . Speaking of, the Arabs in KC are awfully brave for taking to the streets . . . Most of them once derided Mexicans on the subject of illegal immigration; that was before they started getting "disappeared" by immigration officials and came to realize the truly amazing power La Migra has at its disposal. Yeah, I don't think a millionaire furniture, electronics or rug salesperson is going to elicit the same kind of sympathy as a nation of busboys and lawn care workers but it's looks like the local hippies have taken up their cause.

So as Summer turns to Fall, I guess we can expect more protests as local do-gooders confuse TV with real life and decry every injustice but those which surround them.

No call law doesn't apply to politicos

Annoying phone calls are great at effectively convincing you to vote . . . For the opposing candidate.

Old Media Mentions Mizzou

A magazine with falling circulation and a dwindling subscriber base gives high praise to the University of Missouri-Columbia and puts it on the top 100 of a new "best universities" list. I guess it's a high honor from the publication but I'm suspicious that it's simply another way to trick J-School grads into believing that a career awaits them after they get out of college.

Ozark peeps still pretty poor

Expect to hear something like this the next time your camping party is hijacked and you are bound and gagged: "Yeah, yeah you have a purdy mouth but do have any food?"

KCFD gets burned yet again

Sure, firefighters in this town have no problem picking up bar skanks who are easily impressed with bright colors and uniforms but let's not forget that they continually run into one problem after the next when it comes to dealing with local women when the situation doesn't involve mouth to mouth, their "hose" or the "fire pole."

Anyone even halfway familiar with this town knows that when local firefighters aren't saving lives, they are either watching porn at the firehouse or helping to create some other their own with bimbos posing on top of their (read: the city's) trucks.

Oh, and then you might remember their regularly scheduled baseball watching trips as well.

Sadly, the only way you won't find an embarrassing scandal involving the KCFD and the way they mistreat women (and resources) is if you aren't looking.

That's why yet another discrimination complaint doesn't really surprise me.

The complaint alleges that the department has a continual lack of suitable female facilities within some fire stations and the department unfairly retaliated against a woman battalion chief for previous complaints.

Normally, I'm pretty dismissive of this kind of whining but the KCFD is really nothing more than a pussyfest - and that's cool except that it's on the public dime.

Considering that KC funds this organization you'd expect them to be a little more accommodating to MORE THAN HALF OF THE POPULATION. Again, I almost feel guilty for not simply ignoring the complaints of a female but the record of the KCFD when it comes to the ladies speaks for itself.

Also, I know a few minority KC firefighters and they complain about women in their ranks pretty openly. They spout all of the usual rhetoric like "They just can't do the job" or claim that women are simply "unqualified" and the like . . . It's ironic because those are pretty much the same excuses that white KCFD officials use in order to avoid hiring more than just the bare minimum of minority applicants. So, I think it's important to get past all of the pecking order politics and realize that KCFD has a real problems with women . . . Which isn't that odd when you consider that it's an organization composed of more older, white, mustachioed men than the Village People. No homo?

15th UnPlaza Art Fair

Saturday, September 23th 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Surprisingly, the derivative is just as phony as the original. Art is a beautiful scam, I wouldn't ever pay top dollar for a "work" by Jean-Michel Basquiat but I think it's funny that some people do and it makes me wonder why I ever hung up my magic markers.

Report: Drunk chicks beg for drinks at local casinos

I recently came across a great "slice of life post" from a Lawrence blogger. I've heard that, in terms of picking up tail, the only thing better than having access to a loft is being a lawyer. Important note to "dumb girls": either one of these enticements can be easily faked with willing friends, a $12.99 sweatshirt and grin.

The Kansas Law Student recently had to contend with a bouncy broad in the seedy KC club scene as he provides yet another report that women are unwilling to work for anything and would rather have men buy it for them.

Sure, it's probably unfair to generalize all women based on the antics of bar babes but it's just easier that way and will not only save you time but also leave you surprised when some lady "raises the bar" so to speak . . . Anyway, this report from the KLS reminds me what I'm not missing much by missing out on local clubs AND it makes me wonder how some dudes are able to buy a skank drinks and then get booty. What prostitute only charges $3.50? This information either indicates that whores are overpriced or bar skanks represent a great value . . . TKC public safety tip #3,485: Wear a condom, don't drive drunk and the only lawyer you ever want involved in your sex life is the one who files the pre-nup.

Will a local "Terr-athon" help out area Republicans?

I think that the terror hype is steadily working its way to KC as well. All the requisite stories about KCI and security silliness have been filed. Most likely somebody (read: Jim Talent) will try to garner votes for securing a part of the country that even terrorists would rather fly over. No, not even Osama wants to see the groovy new P&L district or the Sprint Center.

You know I can't live without my radio

As always, thank you for reading folks. Have a fun and safe Saturday night and if you're not too hung over . . . You can listen to me on Sunday at 9:45 in A.M. on Newsradio 980 KMBZ.

Bill Grady is going to interview me live, I'm going to plug some of my favorite local blogs (hope I don't forget anybody) and we'll see if they have to bleep me.

Statutory Rape is all the rage in Kirksville

They say that the dating scene is horrible here in Kansas City but I think that all of the statutory rape that's going on in Kirksville probably means that local loser guys don't really have it so bad here . . . How sleazy is it that the locals in that town might want to put out a PSA asking area guys to start carding their dates?

Personally, I think older guys who hit on younger broads are quite nasty as well and also ill informed . . . It's common knowledge that a woman doesn't really know much about getting it on until well after she's been through her first divorce. At least in terms of sweet, sweet revenge humping. Also, it's sad that the litany of check lists before sex only continues to grow . . . Breath mints, excuse for not calling back, condom and now an ID check . . . Now I'm gonna go listen to David Bowie's "modern love" and cry.

Little Girl Injured After Shooting

Somehow, lower violence and murder stats overall don't lessen the impact when a 10 year-old girl is involved in a deadly local shooting. Why is it that people who always bandy about statistics never understand the real value of anything? Thank you for reading Crime Scene KC.

Dumbass let the dogs out

In what has to be one of the best excuses for idiocy I've heard in a really long time, the guy who released three pit bulls into an Independence neighborhood where they attacked three men did so because he wanted to . . . (drum roll) . . .

"Cause some excitement"

Good luck legislating against that level of asshatery.

Seems to me it doesn't matter if the guy owned a dog or a gun or a car or a lawn mower . . . He would have eventually found some way to make everyone in the immediate vicinity regret that they had to live next to him.

This provides even more proof that pit bull bans are poorly planned. It's easy to win brownie points for protecting public safety but it's harder to admit that there are a lot of ignorant ass people walking around who pose a horrible threat to themselves and everyone around them. Already we know that public education isn't doing a decent job of stemming the tide of stupidity but the fact remains that this country has been consistently earning a rep as a nation of morons and that comes from people other than the smelly, surrendering French.

KC's Streets Filled with Fat Elvis Impersonators

Thankfully, yesterday the group of Elvis look-alikes were supposed to be on the streets of the urban core . . . I didn't think there was a boat show in town.

Town Topics: All the shit I missed

• Nasty diarrhea not just a song at a Lawrence Day Care.


• This Raytown lady is one bad ass mama. Note: It would be nice to support American soldiers with something more than empty rhetoric seeing as how so many of them keep on dying in a situation that everyone but us is calling civil war.


• Blunt thinks that paying people to work could "harm the economy" this is basically the same argument in favor of slavery.


• Kick ass 13 year-old girl turns every scary movie stereotype on its ear . . . Along with an intruder.


• Pit Bull Amnesty is extended in KCK as the town is loaded with the mean ass dogs but surprisingly short of teachers.


• Add pepper (spray) to all of the crazy fear at KCI and you have a pretty tasty serving of paranoia.
  


• Royals give gloves to kids, it's charity but I'm betting the kids couldn't do much worse.
  


• Fat and not a fight on the 4th caused a local angry man's death.
  

Blogger Backtalk: News, Sexy poses and predictions

• One of my favorite Irish guys in KC (No homo) discusses the little differences in American news coverage.


• The X-man gets political: "I know I can count on the support of every single anti-smoking-Nazi to help me get this important public safety legislation passed into law."


• Mac and the requisite pin-up make my weekend better already.


• What's Crazy Connie gonna do now? Sadly, I'm surprised anyone relies on the whole "liberal media" blame game considering how much Fox News has dominated the landscape and made everyone else into near clones.


• Emawkc's blog anagram game is almost complete. Check it out and solve the puzzle. Prize: Self-esteem you greedy bastard!

Don't let incompetence hold you back

Lately, I've been trolling around the local political scene for Dos Mundos and because I've always been pretty close to Kansas City neighborhood politics.

There was a time when local politicos once dazzled me (No homo) and I would think that they were somehow superior simply because of a career aspiration. No more.

Blogs like The Flogging of America are really great for closing the distance between people and their politicians. Also, Mark Forsythe happens to a brilliant guy and simply checking out his blog will clue you in to the fact that he's very approachable and the ideas and ideals he would bring to the City Council aren't just lofty notions or the benefits of an advanced education . . . I think he's somebody who knows that much of public governance is about trust, accountability and at least some small measure of transparency. Put simply, I've talked to the guy and he doesn't seem like he'll be one of the several people currently on the Council who hide on the 24th floor like it's a goddamn thrown room of a castle.

What I've been thinking about lately is the distance that local media creates between people and the personalities that dominate the local news coverage. True story: Things that are on TV just don't seem real. I was entertained recently by the fact that a group of young women couldn't possibly fathom the idea that Phil Whitt would grab a slice of pizza at the mall just like everybody else. (Ugh, they even asked for an autograph) I might be guilty of falling for it myself. I've portrayed Kathryn Shields as Jabba the Hutt - a larger than life fictional character that's a symbol of corruption - but after seeing her in person recently I've come to find out that she's actually pretty short and it's simply her career that reminds me of Jabba. Don't get me wrong, this space is strictly reserved for taking apart locals who I want to make fun of but it's always important to remind myself that behind these personas there are real people whose feelings I'd like to hurt as well.

I guess what I'm trying to get across in this post is that there are all kinds of folks in City government and local politics/media/music/art and other ghey stuff and their station alone isn't enough to bestow the kind of respect and kid gloves handling that the local media treat them with . . . If there is a benefit to blogging at all (I'm not sure) it's that people can type whatever they want and only their employer can hold them accountable.

Also, Kay Barnes is the devil and I have no idea how she became Mayor of this city when I wouldn't trust her to make a sandwich. The financial mess that she's left this town in is proof enough that I'm right and as far as most other politicos are concerned: The attitude regarding the recent election was truly a whole different kind of "Kansas City sad" . . . People were basically resigned to the fact that this new batch of politicos "couldn't possibly screw things up any worse" and even though it may be tough, I'm sure that more than a few of the newly elected will manage to disappoint even those low expectations.

STRETCH might be a scumbag

I don't know, I've never met this STRETCH guy but I'm always disappointed with the incredible amount of hero worship in this town. In many ways, people in Kansas City don't really care what you do, they only care that you are successful (read: rich) for doing it. Abortion doctors, local politicos, drug dealers, the Chiefs . . . These are people you would not want in your house but they seem to have a huge number of supporters in KC. And why?

What does it benefit your average citizen if a morally ambiguous dumbass makes a great play and ends up with a throng of cheering fans? And don't even get me started on the Chiefs . . . Heh, see, I was talking about politicians. Brilliant!

Anyway, I guess the "sculpture" garden in KC is an amazing work that benefits illiterate KC School kids and all of the homeless panhandling on Broadway but to me it just looks like Mechagodzilla took a dump.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're gonna reply: "Um, just because I wear Dockers doesn't mean I'm a homosexual." And then you're gonna tell me about how much STRETCH and all of the other IV drug users local artists enrich this community. And if I actually cared about what you thought I might reply that "those people" are only about enriching themselves while decorating the homes or other establishments frequented by rich white people. Pot holes may look like modern art but this city still has a hell of a lot of those metal pain in the ass sheets littering the streets while this town's "progress" is measured by how many hipster assholes pose around a work of art that none of them can afford and talk about how much they're helping downtown by being white and gracing the urban core with their presence. Let's not forget that STRETCH was very close to picking up and leaving this town less than a year ago.

Still, if there is one thing I truly admire about this STRETCH guy is that he's got more than a few people thinking that scrap metal, attitude and a flock of dimwitted (and tattooed) sycophants is doing anything to help this city. That might be a masterful work of art in and of itself.

Blogger on a plane

Local blogger Brad writes an interesting posts about what it was like to get to KC on an airplane yesterday.

Yet another skank regrets Internet photo

The KC Buzz Blog wants you to feel sorry for some Dickey broad (he-he) but I'm not buying it. She knew what she was getting into and most all jobs in County government are simply about patronage anyway. I'm not listening to this swan song on general principal. Like most women, this broad who has went public with her story wants to play the victim after stabbing someone in the back. It's not that I like Jabba Kathryn Shields at all but the only "victim" when it comes her office are the people of Jackson County.

Is Doc Wheeler making Death Threats?

KC's favorite crotchety old man proclaims: "Politics is an interesting business because prominent people get hit by trains and automobiles from time to time and a vacancy appears that is filled in short order," he said. "I will see if any great political opportunity comes up." Ah, the taste of sour grapes so perfectly aged . . . I'd make a better wine analogy if I could but I'm really only familiar with Mad Dog 20/20.

Global Climate and Mood Change

Great timeline here from this local blogger. Sadly, if he thinks he's mad now, I don't wanna see his reaction when it gets cold and he takes a look at his heating bills.

The best quote about KC I've ever read

JDoubleP digs up this priceless passage about our town: "The community early acquired its habit of forgetting the past, ignoring the present, and living almost altogether in the future." - City of the Future: A narrative history of Kansas City, 1850-1950, by Henry C. Haskell Jr. and Richard B. Fowler, 1950.

Kay doesn't need clean air

Mayor Kay backstabs local environmentalists as well. I'm having a hard time trying to determine her constituency other than real estate developers and Steve Glorioso. Anyway, great article here and while I think that environmentalists should be beaten, ignored and berated . . . Making promises and then braking them seems a tad cliche.

So your morning wasn't that bad after all

KCTV 5 reports on a scene straight out of Generic Hollywood Movie #24580643 - 5 - 8 - 3 and a few films featuring Andrew McCarthy (who I'm hoping did actually get to bang Molly Ringwald when she was hot since he practiced it so many times on screen. Anyway, here's the "news" :

"Residents in one Shawnee neighborhood got quite an eyeful on Wednesday when a man locked himself out of his house and then broke his ankle.

He was naked at the time.

A neighbor called 911 after spotting the man lying injured outside his house."

Only Condos can save Kansas City

Unlike most journalists in KC, I've lived in this town for my whole life - never been gone for more than 2 weeks (sad I know). I remember when Westport was actually a neighborhood. Unfortunately, in a much too familiar scenario for this town, City leaders encouraged developers to tear down houses (my Grandma's) in order to build whatever pipe dream they wanted. Some of it turned out well, other projects have consistently failed. Westport has never really been Westport to me since the days of my childhood before they tore down a Hostess outlet store and the bakery that would make blocks and blocks of the city smell like bread or burnt Twinkies. However, in the end, the neighborhood and a lot of great things disappeared from the place in order to make way for a great deal of "progress" that never happened. This seems to be the course for nearly all development in this town.

Manor Square was supposed to be some grand scale redevelopment that would revive Westport but it never happened that way and for the most part it has been shuffling different occupants since its inception. A great deal of the residents from the surrounding area were moved out AND NOW the place is looking for additional foot traffic decades after the district stood by as the surrounding lower end po' folk were eschewed for big money visitors that never really came any more or less than the weekend traffic that Westport has always garnered. The Westport Merchants may seem like nice people upon first glance but they're just another money clique who will do anything for a buck . . . Which is to say they're just as bad as anybody else.

But all that's history. Now, local leaders have discovered that CONDOS are the magic bullet that will save Westport and Kansas City. Sadly, nobody wants to ask if anyone will want to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a place filled with drunks, beggars, an insane amount of racial/ethnic tension every weekend and ABSOLUTELY NO PARKING.

Eh, it's not my concern because I'm not in the market to buy a condo. However, I guess this is good news for that dude with a few limbs missing who begs on Westport Road . . . Even a slight increase in traffic should benefit his tip count.

The most ignorant thing currently playing on KPRS: "Do yo chain hang low?"

Yeah, the title of the song is spelled correctly but that's not what they're singing in the video. I thought nursery rhymes were supposed to improve language skills not degrade them. If Lewis Diuguid wants to get mad about children's limericks, then this is a much better place to start. Also, Jibbs is from STL so that should make local rappers feel worse considering this song is crap that actually makes you stupid if you listen to it for too long. Via H8TORADE

Jesus was a socialist

Thankfully, if the Bible reports correctly, God was probably a Republican seeing as how He didn't really mind war in the Middle-East and hated gays and women. But hack comedians and blog pundits like myself have long noted that the Big JC was a classic liberal . . . Which might explain his violent death. Also, here's a recent story about two organizations infamous for bad ideas finally working together in the Show-Me State. Nice to see the Catholic Church cooperate with somebody besides the Nazis.

Representatives of labor and the Catholic Church on Wednesday advocated passage of a ballot measure to raise the minimum wage in Missouri.

State election officials Tuesday certified petitions seeking to raise the minimum wage from $5.15 to $6.50. The issue will be on the Nov. 7 ballot.

Unions and the Catholics want to regulate minimum wage in this country which is odd because they had a hard enough time regulating themselves AND priests have never seemed to clear on the whole minimum age requirement.

Brown people who have made the mistake of driving through JoCo take notice!!!

Lenexa Municipal Court Offers Warrant Amnesty Days. People with outstanding warrants may appear Aug. 24 and 25. Hurry and pay your fines for driving while Black. And I don't wanna read crap from you (white) people about this one. All I ever seen is Black people pulled over in the burbs. They're lucky, they can simply add the warrant to one of the many they already have while Mexicans end up getting deported. Note: It's not the heat or the humidity, you're just choking on your white privilege.

Urban farming grows in Kansas City

Blood makes the grass grow, I wonder what it does for vegetables. The trend of urban farming is interesting not only because it's the only form of agriculture in this nation that uses filthy hippies instead of filthy Mexicans for labor but also because when the apocalypse comes I want to know where I can grab some carrots.

Sadly, like all hippie ventures (and family farms) urban farming in Kansas City is largely unprofitable and is now in urgent need of help from a few veggie loving patrons.

The Kansas City Center for Urban Agriculture (KCCUA) is soon to be out on its ass like some old white woman in a John Mellencamp song.

They urgently need land and some way to pay for it seeing as good intentions, hippie songs and long forgotten (dumbass) notions about the importance of agriculture in any society won't buy you a 5 dollar cup of coffee at Starbucks. Here's the swan song from the head hippie in charge:

Katherine Kelly, co-director of KCCUA, says that the two-acre farm currently leased at 42nd and Gibbs Rd. near Interstate 635 in Kansas City, Kan., is being sold and since the organization has a need for more acreage to expand its educational programs, the search is on for a new location.

A new farm must be found within a few months. "We're putting out the word and asking people to help us find a minimum of two acres of arable land plus ideally some existing buildings for our office and educational programs," says Kelly.

I wish them good luck in their search for land. They're white so they have a shot. Sadly, they aren't growing lofts or condos so TIF money won't subsidize the venture and there aren't many Lebanese people around so they can't indiscriminately kill women and babies in order to take over some land for a short amount of time.

"Best" is a relative term when we're talking about the wine produced in Missouri

Full Disclosure: I have no friends and no class so I would never go to any of those cool wine tasting shindigs in the center of the state. So naturally I think it's all rather lame and really just people who are one generation removed from hill folk trying to seem special. Yeah, it's that and not sour grapes at all.

New voting machines blew in Boone County as well

All over the state this election offers only a preview of how Diebold and its clones are killing democracy . . . Nearly as bad as this countries adventures in Iraq.

Audit: KC is still wasting money worse than I waste paper towels

The KC Biz Journal reports: "Kansas City has spent $21.3 million since 2003 for new financial and human resources management systems and plans to spend an additional $25.7 million, but the systems haven't significantly improved those functions, according to an audit City Auditor Mark Funkhouser released Wednesday."

"Man Drowns While Trying To Help Wife"

. . . this time in something more than just a financial sense. Luckily, it was probably a lot less painful.