Back that thang up

Special thanks to all of the awesome folks at The Pitch for the mention of this site in the "Backwash" section and, more importantly, for their ardent support of the local blogging community.

In need of a makeover

Jackson County is likely to put off a local tax election to upgrade Kauffman and Arrowhead stadiums while it lobbies for more state funding.

Officials are also expected to look under their sofa seats for more cash. C'mon, everybody knows that tax payers are eventually going to pony up for the privilege of watching our home teams lose while enjoying a $9.50 beer and occupying a 24 dollar parking space.

Treatment Program probably not as effective as beatings

Kansas' Sexual Predator Treatment Program has tried to rehabilitate 156 convicted rapists and molesters. So far, only one has successfully completed the program.

4 firefighters hurt in apartment blaze

Well Remembered

Precious Doe isn't forgotten

Mainly because politicians never forget to utilize meaningless political issues. Candles mean votes, don't believe there is any other reason why they are lit.

Special Ed.

Like most Missouri school kids, politicos are having a hard time figuring out a complex formula.

State now forced to look for a new way to hose Breeden

Protection

New Missouri bill would enforce seatbelts but repeal helmet laws. Possibly because brains are easier to clean off of the sidewalk and the windshield than the upholstery.

Blinded me with pseudoscience

Blaming Bush and the Republicans for poor performance in science by American students is part of a theory nearly as baseless as Intelligent Design. The Whole Wheat Blogger pens an excellent rebuttal to a leap in logic.

Call for Action

Awesome local blogger Mtoast is ready to help take down the bad guys but still can't stand "Da Man" kind of like a really cool, cute version of "Huggy Bear" from Starsky and Hutch.

More Money Moore Taxes

Local blog 'Fire Dennis Moore' takes issue with the estate tax.

Breathe easier

Dangerblog reports on a show at The Bottleneck in Lawrence and the strangeness of the new anti-smoking law.

Down by the river

Redevelopment plans for unused property next to Richard L. Berkley Riverfront Park cleared a legislative hurdle this week, the Port Authority of Kansas City announced Thursday.

If you don't count gambling addicts, homeless people or other shady characters I'm pretty sure that most of the property by the park could me called "unused."

Take my breath away

Kansas City Power & Light Co. said Thursday it has reached an agreement with the Kansas Corporation Commission staff and two large industrial customers for its $1.3 billion energy plan, which includes the construction of a coal-fired power plant about 40 miles north of Downtown.

The Sporting Life

A man apparently shot himself in the parking lot of Cabela's yesterday afternoon. No word if binoculars went on special.

Potty Break-in

A man called 911 from his bathroom when two people attempted to break into his Overland Park home.

Luckily, he had time to put his skirt on before police arrived.

School Daze

A high school principal and two other educators are on leave after admitting to a drunken carousal on the Central Methodist University campus.

Police were called after Fayette High School Principal Brad Cavanah, middle school teacher Matt Brooks and high school girls' basketball coach David Lawson showed up on the campus.

University staff said the trio was drinking alcohol, harassing students and hollering and would not leave after several warnings.

Pot and kettle square off

Doctors Accuse Insurance Companies Of Fraud, Extortion

Doctors are so upset they might not even enjoy their next round of golf.

Punch Drunk

Man Badly Beaten Outside Bar

Where's the party at?

Man Badly Beaten Outside Bar

Breakdown

Man Killed On I-435 Bridge After Vehicle Breaks Down

The story of a pistol-whipped woman is nowhere near as sexy as it sounds

Posers

Here is a Not Safe For Work link via Kottke of sexual positions from the Kama Sutra that you are either too old or fat to try out.

New Blog from the Heartland

The Heartland Democrats of America have just started a new blog in order to keep voters updated on losing causes across the Midwest.

Episode III might be better than getting punched in the heart by skinheads

The latest installment of Star Wars will leave fans disappointed and ashamed, like all of the sex they never had. Todd Levin lists a few things that are better than the saga of Princess Monotone and her wooden acting warriors.

Rowdy Club Sounds Like Fun

The ongoing controversy surrounding Club Evolution actually makes the place seem like a good time. Not every club can promise the party will be so good it'll wake the neighbors.

Kansas Political Scandal Bores Jury

Two jurors at the second trial of former
Pratt County Attorney Tom Black have been dismissed for falling asleep.

Black is accused of taking four-thousand dollars intended for a traffic diversion account. He's charged with 14 counts of misusing public funds.

KCTV5 Picks Survivor over Bush

Regular Thursday programming can be seen tonight on KCTV5 starting at 7 . . . Viewers who wish to see President Bush's press conference can turn to KCTV-DT at 7:30pm.

I guess one reality TV mock up is just as good as another.

Throwing it all away

Police are investigating after a body was found Thursday morning at 17th Street and Locust. . .Investigators said the body was in a trash bag.

It's horrible to see people in this town get away with murder. Psychos are throwing out dead bodies with the trash and I have to recycle my pizza boxes or I'll get a ticket.

Boulevard Motel Stabbing

KCK Police are investigating a double stabbing at a motel in the 500 block of Southwest Boulevard Thursday morning.

Fire Damages Northland Apartment Building

Dashboard cam follies

Otherwise known as law enforcement's version of Jackass.

The Panic Button

This is a great new anti-Blunt blog. Check out the tagline: "The chronicles of Governor Matt Blunt: an inexperienced sociopath's attempts to scuttle Missouri."

Nice.

New Business Link

Check out John Landsberg at Bottom Line Communications for all your PR needs.

If you own a small biz in the KC area, don't be shy about sending me a link.

Blunt beats Dems again

The Democratic Party had filed state ethics complaints about three of Blunt's tentatively announced contractors . . . In letters dated April 21, the Ethics Commission said it had determined the Department of Revenue had not awarded the contracts for the license offices and therefore dismissed the complaints.

Two more soldiers from Fort Riley killed

Local show about capital punishment could bore you to death

The Bird is the Word

The Kansas Department of Health couldn't give a flying fuck about West Nile this year.

Chain of fools

Eight persons in wheelchairs chained themselves to the doors of the House chamber on Wednesday to protest cuts to the state's health care for the poor.

Not that I don't agree with them but their efforts would be better spent organizing voters rather than executing publicity stunts.

Paid In Full

KC teams are better at spending your tax money than they are at winning games.

Dated

Local blogger Gimpysoft reports that the time traveler convention is slated for May 7th. It was a blast.

The Royals are a Joke

Pena Watch gives you the punchline from Jimmy Fallon.

KC Outlaws give some head

KC Media blog reports on the struggling local team giving it up. It's sad when pro athletes are down on their luck.

Practice your ball handling skills

Seriously, check your fucking nuts out every once in a while. You play with yourself enough anyway, you might as well make sure they're the same size and that there aren't any lumps.

Strangely, this advice from a local blogger is the best you'll get on this page today.

Double Crossed Dare

BlogKC reports that Johnny Dare's will undergo a name change. Still, a mullet by any other name is still just as tacky.

Bright Light

A local blogger reviews a talk recently given by an author of erotica at the Unity Temple on the Plaza. No spitting at this book event, I guess everyone was already wet.

Not even God cares about the KC Christian Music Awards

KCPD ups the voltage

KCPD is looking to hire more officers. It's not a shock that they need more help.

A helpful smile (and possibly a shank) in every aisle

Former Hy-Vee Employee Wields Knife At Store

Where in the world is Omar Orellana?

He is charged with killing three people and authorities don't believe that he killed himself in El Salvador. He's probably the only resident alien that local law enforcement hopes is still in the country.

Rhythm and Ribs Festival Announced

The "Sensory Neural Hearing Damage and Heart Failure" Festival probably wouldn't go over well.

Kid shoots dad BEFORE he's old enough for high school sports

While I'm sure this tragedy is horrific . . . you have to give the kid credit for directing his anger effectively. Most guys spend a lifetime making other people pay for their bad relationship with their father. And of course, women with "daddy issues" comprise the single largest supplier of the nation's strippers.

KCMO School District is on the cutting edge

Officials try to cut the budget deficit but still manage to hang on to the nearly 1 to 1 ratio of administrators to students. Dr. Taylor looks good in his nicely (read: expensive) tailored suit talking about cutting teacher's salaries.

I-35 Accident Kills 1

Dog Worth 10k Found

The animal was on its way to show in a competition but it probably would be just as valuable to a Korean restaurant.

Kansas Soldier Killed in Iraq

Search Continues In Worker's Slaying

Lee's Summit cops still more likely to catch a cold.

How to

The headline is the link that will open in a new window. Underneath the link will usually feature a stupid comment by me or a quote from the article in italics. It's not that hard. You can do it! I'll explain more about why I'm not gonna turn this into "Tony Pours His Heart out all over KC" a few posts from now. You guys (readers) rock!

Shared Space

These signs are scattered around town near bike trails. Saw this one while walking downtown. Brought to mind one of my favorite sites: Me, My Life & Infrastructure.

By the way, if you have a picture of anything related to KC and you'd like to share it with this site be sure to send me a link.

A Change Gonna Come

Once again, things are gonna change around here. You can probably tell I'm getting bored. There are only so many jokes I can make again and again at the expense of my suburban neighbors. If you've read for awhile you know that I kid the folks on the outskirts, I hate our Governor Matt Blunt, I like boobies and I think all of the people paying more than $950 a month rent who live in a loft or condo downtown are in league with Lucifer. Anyway, those are just a few position statements that have pretty much comprised this blog so far. But then I came upon this:

The Bloggies (Otherwise known as inspiration)

And now I think that my one liners aren't really a good representation of this town, myself or even a whole-hearted effort concerning this page. I'm a bit obsessive so I think that all of the links that I compile are just part of my "more is better" philosophy. But no more. I've never learned to work smart, multi-task or even to take it easy but it's never too late. Maniac linking and posting is nice but anyone reading knows that I don't really take the news seriously. Like my grandma, I've always believed that the most valuable (and unbiased) aspect of the newspaper is the coupons.

Accordingly, there might be less content. Certainly less links. And no more boilerplate posting. No more fill in the blank joking (but there will certainly be more jokes).

What I can offer is that there will be more about my experience in this city, which is what I believe is the point of TKC. There might be more photos because I've never really went out and pushed myself to get them. But most definitely there will be a change, because life is nothing without it.

Once again, as always, thanks for reading.

Highway from Hell

Major Delays Expected With I-35 Detours This Weekend

All of the crazy homeless people on the overpasses aren't that crazy. They're laughing at the voices in their head that are making fun of you. (The KC Channel)

Crime Commutes

Along with all of the people in this town, seemingly random crime also travels to the outskirts of the area in order to ruin suburban bliss.

Two Workers Shot In Street; One Killed . . . Police said an apparent street robbery turned fatal in Lee's Summit Tuesday afternoon.

Did you hear that sound? It's property values dropping. (The KC Channel)

Boyz in the Hoodies

Two men wearing hoodies are suspects in a double shooting that left one man dead this afternoon in Lee's Summit. (The KC Channel)

Dirty Deeds

Local blogger Adam writes a brilliant and informative post regarding the numerous perversions practiced by heterosexuals. (KC Dreamin')

Blogger Backtalk: Hope Springs Eternal

• This local blogger loses faith in humanity on a walk to the library. (kangamini banga-blogga)
• Fantastic Voyage: Take an urban tour of KC without having to talk to a crazy homeless person. (KC Downtown Development)
• If you build it . . . you'll get ripped off. A quick look at "The Stadium Racket" (KC Bloggers)
• Back that thang up: Local blogger Heidi gives the run down on parking at UMKC (MM&I)
• A local blogger gets lucky . . . and at the casino of all places. (Planet Rusty)
• Snarky Royals shirts available at CafePress. Show your support and constant disappointment! (Pena watch)
• Good and bad news from this local blogger. (Pomegranate Pretty)

Local Links: Cowtown Runs Rampant with Cash Cows

• More Cowtown Follies on the roadways. (The KC Channel)
• One way or another, almost every trip to a local gas station is a pain in the ass. (KCTV5)
• Racial profiling law not strong enough according to some. Police might be encouraged to wear blindfolds. (KMBZ)
• Exec gets head start to unemployment line. (The KC Channel)
• Not enough stolen towels at this hotel to clean up the mess. (The KC Channel)
• New police car design for Independence police cars might have included a mullet for undercover Meth busts. (KCTV5)
• Moby is at the Uptown tonight. This link is not five years old but your interest in Moby might be. (Fox4)
• Serial KC robber may be on a diet, knocks over a local Subway. (KSHB)
• Family Matters: Blunt Clan earns more influence. Missouri voters confused that "family values" actually referred to increasing the value of the Blunt Family coffers. (KMBZ)

The Tyranny of the Top 40

Ingram's Top 40 under 40 is an annual list of annoying business bastards from around KC. Still, the only thing more annoying than the honored listees is those struggling for years to get on the list. Strangely, it's a highly coveted mention that money can buy . . . but not through bribes. Anyway, enjoy the list of some of the least interesting people in the city to talk to and the most likely to walk away with your money if you do happen to engage them in conversation. (Ingram's)

P.S. - Yes, I'm that jealous.

We All Have Our Favorites

Thanks to BlogKC for a great list of local links. Looking though the list I found a local gay magazine that is obviously better designed and sharper than my humble page. I hate to be stereotypical but it's clear that many gay dudes know how to dress up just about anything. Well, they've also compiled some great quotes regarding "Favorite Things about the Gay Community in KC." (Verge)

Is American Labor Worn Out?

KC has always been a Union town and it provided the perfect place for more than 50 Union workers to gather in order to discuss the future of the labor movement. The conference was held at UMKC and seemed to be only slightly less socialist than . . . um let's say Lenin.

Still, it's hard not to be supportive of Unions no matter how many flakes comprise their membership. If only extremists knew that flying solely on the left or right wing means going in circles. (KC Indy Media)

Winter Wonderland

Damn it's cold tonight! It's almost May and I have my heat on. This Flash animation is lame but I just wanted to see if I could do it. Here ya go:

Unemployment Improves in KC. Have a nice McDay.

The Kansas City area had an unemployment rate of 5.5 percent in March, down from 5.7 percent in February and unchanged from March 2004, the Missouri Department of Economic Development said.

The slight change could be attributed to an improving economic outlook or maybe a butterfly flapping its wings in China. (Biz Journal)

On the Prowl in Branson

BRANSON, Mo. -- Animal control officials have called off attempts to catch a black panther spotted roaming around Branson last week and will wait for evidence the big cat is still around.

Sadly, the best way to bring down a black panther is with crack cocaine . . . and The Man knows this all to well. (The KC Channel)

Agar Files Admittedly One Sided Reports

NewsRadio 980 KMBZ Midday host Jerry Agar is on his way home from Iraq after filing a number of gung-ho reports.

In his final wrap up he lets his audience know that the mission in Iraq is going well based solely on his conversations with regular grunts while forgoing much interaction with the Iraqi people. Which is kinda of like asking the people working the concession stand whether or not they liked the movie.

Anyway, at least Agar is honest. He says that he pretty much supports the military in anything they do and wasn't looking to get much more than insight from the ordinary grunt. However, concluding that the mission is going well based only on talks with the lowest men and women on the totem pole isn't exactly even handed reporting. Agar comes to grandiose conclusions based solely on his love of the military and limited conversations with mostly enthusiastic soldiers.

It's strange that he even bothered to leave KC only to confirm what he already believed. Seems like he could have come to the same conclusions while closing his eyes and sticking his fingers in his ears as news of the deteriorating situation in Iraq ran on TV. (KMBZ)

Local Links: Rough Town Gets Rougher

• A recent spate of home invasions have police worried. Perpetrators are getting rougher with victims as they go on. Apparently, cracking down on insurgents after an invasion is always a tough business. Thankfully, torture pictures have yet to emerge. (Fox4)
• KC Zoo tries at improvements. Sadly, Zoo officials fail to realize that the only way to increase attendance in this town is to offer a buffet featuring the captive animals. (KMBZ)
• Victim of Olathe homicide was found next to a dumpster. Even murder in the suburbs is cleaner. (The KC Channel)
• Hunters shot. No word on whether or not turkeys are thankful. (KCTV5)
• Kansas Theater owner arrested over private show. It's hard explaining a secret bathroom cam as part of a documentary. (The KC Channel)
• Did double vision lead to drunk driver (allegedly) causing two crashes? (KCTV5)
• Overpaid executive of a local agency may be getting a head start to jail. (The KC Channel)
• Get into their shorts. More news on this week's KC Filmmaker's Jubilee. (Fox4)
• Tax chattering cell phone customers since their constant squawking taxes the rest of us. (KMBZ)
  

Get the Blues In the Company of Compulsive Gamblers

Thanks to KC Music for the Tip:

The Kansas City Music Blues and Jazz Festival will take place on September 3rd and 4th, 2005 at The Woodlands Horse Track.

Blues and Jazz fans will see 24 acts over 2 days.

The facility will hold 30,000. The covered grandstand will shelter Kansas City Music lovers from the sun and elements. There is plenty of free parking. The level, paved and patrolled parking lots will allow the physically challenged to attend as well as those partial to high heels.

Tickets are only $17.50 through TicketMaster.

Updates and information are available at www.KansasCityMusic.com

The Noise of America: Cons Always Talk a Good Game

• Hybrid Car Sales Rise 81 Percent. The odds of getting a blowjob in a car fall at pretty much the same rate. (Yahoo News)
• Frist on endless rant against filibusters. Irony surrenders. (MSNBC)
• Grand Ole Opry makes minorities uncomfortable for more than 80 years (Yahoo News)
• Communities bet that turning citizens into degenerate gamblers will help their local economy in the long run. (ABC)

Local Links: We've got high hopes. But only because we're high.

• School fight lands kids and family under arrest. Maybe the cops can teach them a lesson if the KC School District can't. (The KC Channel)
• Boy escapes attempted kidnapping in Overland Park. Thankfully, pervs hate jogging. (KMBZ)
• Reading stimulates this Kansas man a bit too much. (The KC Channel)
• Chiefs first round draft pick sure to have a great career in Denver someday. (KCTV5)
• Drive-thru: SUV Slams Into Bryant's Barbecue after gunfight. (The KC Channel)
• Kansas 911 dispatcher helps deliver his cousin's baby over the phone OR Strange story offers new kink for push button pervs. (KCTV5)
• BTK still down with JC. Sends a thank you letter to congregation. (KMBZ)
• Quick buck artists create communities of cool in downtown St. Louis as well OR Desperate cities didn't learn their lesson from the grunge fad and put faith in Hipster/posers loft/condo dwellers. (Biz Journal)

Blogger Backtalk: The Locals Re-cap and Recoup

• Artsy: The CCN has a great round-up of news from local artists. Get the info without all of the cigarette smoke that comes with to talking to artists in person. (CCN)
• Make sure your boyfriend likes your pussy. More sound advice from our favorite midtown madam. (Superficial Plaza Chick)
• Republicans Running . . . for office and not just from questions about the future of Iraq. (Fire Dennis Moore)
• Holy War: God wants you to fight the judiciary. The poor and suffering can wait. (Hersh)
• Local blogger Dan takes on teenage drinking and the unrealistic expectations of a few Missouri politicos: "If you voted for them, you deserve this. I don't." (Gone Mild)
• Will downtown get a new nightclub? Either way it's a shot in the dark. (KC Downtown Development)
• Comets might leave Kemper just a few years after their fans abandoned the place. (KC Media Blog)
• Local blogger Kel reviews the Slipknot Rivermarket Show (Impieties Dream)
• Write a letter in support of evolution or just to prove the joke about "1,000 monkeys typing" wrong. (Thoughts from Kansas)
• This local blogger reports from the KC Filmmaker's Jubilee (DTS)
• N'Sync: Local blogger Mac sees the signs and provides pics. (Post Human Blues)
• Great pics from the old strip. This local blogger files a great post from Las Vegas (MToast)
• Local blogger Laura has a nice rack. (Life of a Single Woman)
• Lovely local blogger Sheri sports a new banner and headache from a rowdy weekend. (Bitchbook)

Support Our Troops: Send Armor and Help

In returning home, the leaders and Marine infantrymen have chosen to break an institutional code of silence and tell their story, one they say was punctuated not only by a lack of armor, but also by a shortage of men and planning that further hampered their efforts in battle, destroyed morale and ruined the careers of some of their fiercest warriors. (NY Times)

I love political debates but I'm always disappointed that Democrats/liberals/hippies always seem to lose. So here's a tip: Next time you're fighting with a Republican who supports the war . . . ask them when they (or their children) are planning to enlist.

Around The World: Dying to get to work

• Commuting will kill you. More proof from Japan. (My Way News)
• From bad ballads to U.N. nominee, Bolton sucks all the way around. (My Way News)
• Bush asks Saudi Prince to pump harder. U.S. dependence on foreign oil proves to be not only degrading but also kinda kinky. (Yahoo News)
• "It's working! It's working! Do you hear something ticking?" Bombings leave 21 dead in Iraq. (My Way News)
• Wade in the water: Deserted insurgent base yields few clues to the discovery of 57 corpses found downriver. (Guardian UK)

Quotation

And the award for "A Line That Would Most Likely Make At Least A Half A Dozen People In The Audience Bite Straight Though Their Tongue" goes to the Jackson County executive that that the FBI can't get enough of . . .

"In Jackson County, the taxpayers' money goes where it is supposed to go," Katheryn Shields said while speaking at the newly restored courthouse yesterday. (Examiner)

Local Links: Up in Smoke

• Everybody knows who killed a KCK man 3 months ago. Now it's time to tell the cops. (Fox4)
• Refusing to answer the question, "What's yer name boy?" Could get you jail time if a new Missouri bill passes. (KMBZ)
• Buy an ad, get a column? The KC Strip reports on what might have been sponsored content on the editorial pages of The Star. (The Pitch)
• The suburbs keeps getting bigger and better. Overland Park Arena and entertainment district bloat faster than the ass of a housewife. (JOCO Sun)
• Lee's Summit officials watch out for smoking ordinance violators. Sadly, bulimia and alcoholism are now the only two remaining socially acceptable ways to kill yourself. (Examiner)

Homeless

Kansas City sued the Housing and Economic Development Finance Corp. on Thursday for failing to account to the city for assets involving community planning and development money from the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Put Down

Police were forced to shoot a rottweiler last night. The dog had killed an older cat and a litter of kittens. I'm sure his bitch is gonna be upset.

Local Links: Hit and Spit

In KC, the bullets and tobacco juice fly freely.

• Shawnee Man charged in hit and run (KCTV5)
• Last Words: A man who someone shot in the head whispered the name of his alleged attacker to police before he died. That's amazing. Sadly, I'm pretty sure my last words are gonna be something stupid like: "Nah. It's not loaded" or "Look out for what?" (KCTV5)
• Local pervy men give kids a lesson on why it's important to stay in school. Education is valuable, if only to be able to afford those expensive "male enhancement" pills. (KCTV5)
• Yet another local news story to remind you that KC is, was and will always be a cowtown. (The KC Channel)
• Yesterday's bad weather causes damage for some while providing only useless and annoying weather alerts for most. (The KC Channel)
• Missouri House goes after spammers like they were old ladies in need of Medicaid (KMBZ)
• KC's lofty downtown plans don't include preserving this town's history. Condo makes me sad. (Fox4)
• Fonda spitter has no regrets . . . not even when faced with the prospect of being known as "that screwball who spit on Jane Fonda" for the rest of his life. (KSHB)

Blogger Backtalk: Locals let loose

• Fiery: JDoubleP provides pics and a great music review of a Larry town alt show. (Badda Blog!)
• This local blogger provides a very interesting and disturbing "WT" News Flash. (Blog Hard)
• Get Well Soon KJ! This world needs you, if only for the brilliant jokes. (Damit.Kage)
• Go with God: The Whole Wheat Blogger rounds up lefty criticism of the new pope. (Whole Wheat)
• Mr. Cellophane checks out KC landmarks with Google Maps. I wonder if you can spot all the hookers at our monuments with the help of satellite technology? (Mr. Cellophane)
• KC Media blog reports that a local film receives an NC-17 rating. In order to get an R from the MPAA you have to feature a huge explosion along with bush. (KC Media Blog)
• KC Soil reports on the newly elected student government leadership at UMKC. According to Joe, the campaign was almost as dirty as all of the anonymous gay sex that goes on in the library. (KC Soil) [Ed. Note: I know this only because I have a bitch bladder (and unfortunately had to use the dreaded 3rd floor men's restroom) not because I don't love the bitches. Not that there's anything wrong with anonymous gay sex . . . well maybe . . . Forget it. ]
• Credit Cleaver: Local blogger Dan delivers an amazing post with an exclusive note from "Mr. Clean" other wise known as the honorable (huh!) Congressman Cleaver. (Gone Mild)

Around the World: Don't be hatin'

It's okay to ask "Why do they hate us?" But sticking around for the answer is just plain silly.

• Rebels kill American mercenaries in Iraq. The real news uses nicer names. (Yahoo News)
• Because of drought 30,000 Africans need food, water and U-Hauls. (Yahoo News)
• When the new pope chose his name I'm guessing that "Nazi Pope" probably didn't cross his mind . (WPHerald)
• Women make millions. The phrase "bitch better have my money" becomes all the more useful. (Telegraph UK)
• Saudis kill their own people for a change. (My Way News)

Measured

Apparently, Chinese men measure up to other men in terms of penis size according to a new study. Rumor has it, the study will be immediately printed up in a pocket size red book and distributed free of charge to any white woman willing to take a copy.

The Noise of America: Fingered

• Woman in Wendy's Case Arrested. Still, prison food might be a step up from Wendy's fare. (My Way News)
• Historic racism and mosquitoes still prove the South sucks. (My Way News)
• Most Americans don't support the GOP plan to ban judicial filibusters because that might make watching C-SPAN while baked a little less fun. (Yahoo News)
• Antarctic glaciers are shrinking just a tad faster than the credibility of the Environmental Movement. Earth will be fine, but your ass is probably in trouble. (ABC News)
• Paula Abdul is not on drugs, but only because she doesn't have the money anymore. (MSNBC)

Local Links: Mething Around

• Kansas Meth junkies spoil cold medicine for the rest of us. (KCTV 5)

• Brewing: Former Roasterie employees cook up scheme to piss off their old bosses. (Biz Journal)

• After 17 break-ins, a very patient homeowner fights back with a camera and not a gun. (The KC Channel)

• Court system next in line to take advantage of rape victim. (The KC Channel)

• Finally, flashers and rocks torment KC school kids.

Computer Love

I'm thankful for many things in my life. I'm thankful for my family and all of the great people that I know or have recently met. Additionally, sometimes while I'm checking blogs I look down and then look back up again and thank God in Heaven that I don't have a vagina and I'm not looking for love through an online dating service.

In that regard, local blogger Faith lets some a-hole have it in this open letter to a bad date.

Then she posts his response which is actually quite good. Probably more interesting than their date.

Clearly, Faith has a great head on her shoulders (and none of this screed is directed toward her) but this exchange is somewhat reminiscent of the plight faced by so many single girls. (Notice I didn't say women)

When I see girls waiting in the club, bar or shopping mall for Mr. Right I just want to grab them by their halter tops and say "Girl, please stop waiting around for some dumbass guy to make you happy!"

Then, I imagine that I would dig their heel out of my balls, look up from the floor and say: "Accomplish your own goals. Be your own person with your own direction. And if someone comes along to share it with you great, and if not then you've done the best for yourself ON YOUR OWN . . . Don't look for a guy, dog, cat, car or anything that's not powered by AA batteries to make you happy. Looking for love is the worst way to find it."

But, because I value my testicles I never act on this urge to tell the truth to idealistic and overdressed skanks in Westport or around town. I simply smile, steal a glance of their cleavage and move out of the way as other men approach with lies and misleading promises of fulfillment.

Bad Signal

Stop lights are inefficent, cause frustration and increase air pollution. That's why I usually ignore them.

Ugly

Local news provides tips on how to tart yourself up. Because we all need information on how to look like a nightly news tramp.

Policy

Proposal would prevent uninsured motorists involved in accidents from suing for non-economic damages

Rumor has it, originally the bill was entitled the "Poor People Take the Bus" initiative.

Abdicate

Marinovich stepping down after helping change landscape of Wyandotte County

New Mayor Joe Reardon may come from a good family and might be just as good of a mayor but there's no way he'll ever fill out a business suit the same way she did.

Shut'em Down

Listening to Public Enemy right now. Damn, I miss the BB (before bling) era of rap.

More Baby Talk

Helping Missouri teens get abortions could lead to legal action

However, the state still doesn't want to help anybody feed all those unwanted kids.

Papa don't preach

This local blogger pens a great post regarding the new pope:

Let me take the time now to say thanks to good old Martin Luther for Protestantism so that people with ideas other than what Catholicism provides could have a church of their own.

Show Tune

This local blogger provides a review and links for a recent show at the Folly Theater.

Snobs

KC Soil reports on the arrogant media.

Isn't it ironic?

BlogKC reports that local greens are loading up their SUVs and driving to Johnson County for Earth Day.

Line of work

Two tragic stories today about people being killed in their line of work:

Local trooper dies in shooting.

Two Fort Riley Soldiers killed during training exercise.

Let it go

Tuesday night at Unity Temple in Kansas City's Country Club Plaza . . . A book-signing by actress Jane Fonda was interrupted when a man spit tobacco juice in her face. The substance was wiped away, and Fonda went on signing books.

Enough already with picking on Jane Fonda. You remember the kind of clothes people wore in the 70's? No one is without regret. If this guy was a soldier in Vietnam who felt betrayed, what he should really be ashamed of is his cowardly action in assaulting a woman. Wanna blame somebody for losing that sham of a war? Start with Kennedy, Mcnamara, Johnson, Nixon and Westmoreland who sacrificed thousands of American lives in a war with no discernible goals on the other side of the world. (Damn that sounds way too familiar) Our current president doesn't answer any questions about his misspent youth, so it's time to let Jane Fonda off the hook. Hell, posing with the enemy was wrong but don't forget that the man who supposedly won the cold war posed with a chimp. Sadly, this story is indicative of people in this town with long memories and no life.

Double Check

Gunfire erupted on the streets of Kansas City, Kansas overnight, and a man was hit twice in a spray of bullets.

Plaza Library Review

If you haven't already seen it, local blogger Heidi provides an excellent review of the new Plaza Library. She was there on opening day and offers great pics of all the people who drove in from Johnson County to enjoy the event.

Coupling

Great essay about life, love and a cow in the sky from local blogger Adam.

Do the Bus Stop

KC Downtown development reports on downtown public transit.

McBums

Local blogger Brad points out some anti-bum signage on the Plaza. Still, I'm just begging that those clowns start using more meat than soybeans in their burgers.

Roll with it

Badda Blog! posts an advertisement for an upcoming Roller Warrior bout.

Trick

Prostitute Says Man Attacked Her With Taser

I would be shocked to found out if the attacker in question was an off duty law enforcement official. But, I wouldn't be surprised if I never heard anything about this story again.

Etiquette

Police are still, on the lookout for a rude Latino (not me) suspected of shooting a guy who held open the door for him and then smarted off. Smartasses across the metro are encouraged to only pick on old ladies without guns.

Fiesta

The owner of a local Hispanic radio station and magazine is planning a $250,000 Cinco de Mayo event May 6-8 at Benjamin Ranch.

Immigration officials RSVP.

Recycled

Don't be fooled, the fact that some dumbass found a discarded check in his recycling doesn't mean all of the hours you spend digging through trash are worthwhile. Now if they let us all dump out whatever we want and then pay homeless people to rummage through it for valuables, that would be I recycling program I could support . . . Additionally, I also believe that blind people should be awarded midgets so they can help each other out. Vote Tony 2008!

Back Jack

Man Demands Car Keys, Shoots Man in Back

Drive-Thru

SUV Hits Apartment, Knocks Down Woman Inside

Wide Open

Changed the settings in this blog so now anybody can comment. Be nice. Originally, I set my preferences for comments only from people with a blogger ID because of spam but I think that having more comments might be worth dealing with a few spammers. And I always have my hand on the delete button.

Creative

The board of Kansas City's proposed performing arts center is considering the Lyric Theatre and its block for the center instead of an area near 16th Street and Broadway.

Soon downtown will be home only to condo/loft dwellers and upscale venues for classy entertainment and the performing arts . . . right up until the first person gets killed while they're being mugged, then it'll revert back to a wasteland.

Someday, someone will explain why this town loves throwing money at finicky rich people.

Hot Air

Proponents of wind power development in Kansas scored a victory Monday when Gov. Kathleen Sebelius signed a bill creating an entity with the power to build electricity transmission lines when utilities won't.

Unfortunately, all of the gas-bags promoting Intelligent Design can't be used to produce wind power for the state.

Divine

A man claiming to be an archangel broke into her home and attempted to rape her.

Nah, if it was a woman breaking into some guy's house wanting to have sex then it would be easier to believe it was an angel.

Howdy Neighbor

A man was recovering from a shooting after he opened his front door and was faced with the barrel of a gun.

Let's get this over with

BTK Suspect Waives Preliminary Hearing

Achtung Baby!

A Nazi and a Rabbi get in a fight at KCI . . . your offensive joke is funnier than mine.

New Hotness

Up late last night picking a new Pope. More links to come . . .

While you were sleeping

Police said a woman called for help at about 6:55 a.m. and told officers that a man had broken into her home in the 5400 block of North Central while she was sleeping. She told investigators that the man held her in her bedroom and attempted to rape her. She said the man left after about an hour.

The guy is being held on 300k bond and is charged with burglary, felonious restraint and attempted sexual assault. Thankfully, the woman was not raped. However, the situation sounds full of pain, regret, rage and shame with a costly aftermath that will probably haunt both parties for a long time. Sadly, the same could be said of most dating in the metro area.

Rent Control

A woman allegedly confessed to starting an apartment fire that damaged seven apartments late Monday morning because the apartment management wouldn’t let her out of her lease, according to her neighbors.

Courtesy

Kansas City police say a man walking into the store held the door for a man walking out. The man leaving didn't say "thank you", so the man holding the door responded with a sarcastic "you're welcome", and continued into the store.

When he came out of the store, the first man came around the corner and shot him in the leg. Police say they're looking for a Hispanic male in his twenties with a stocky build.

No, the Hispanic guy in the story wasn't me . . . I always try to say "please" and "thank you" and I have much better aim.

Pride

KU students to hold gay pride celebration today

Among the events is a "kiss-in,'' in which gay and lesbian couples are encouraged to kiss on Wescoe Beach; a presentation on being gay in the workplace; and a drag show.

The event comes after the vote to ban gay nuptials in Kansas, so all of the gay sex during the festivities will be that much hotter because it won't end in marriage.

Baby Boy

A snappy nickname probably won't help to find the identity of this dead child either.

Kansas City police detectives are hoping that the one-year anniversary of the boy's death will help spur new leads in the case.

The boy has been named "Precious Joe,"' a name similar to the one given a young girl whose decapitated body was found in 2001 in a wooded area of Kansas City.

Burned

A woman who spent a year in jail for setting a fire that later was deemed to be an accident said she is having a hard time recovering from her ordeal.

Sadly, like most minorities in the city, the young woman is scared of the police.

Substitute

Need For Foster Parents Growing

Surprisingly, there is a shortage of people out there who want to be robbed and later faced with charges of sexual abuse.

Double Down

Deadly Double Shooting in KCK

Bagged

Jackson County prosecutors charged Aroostook Mette-Njuldnir Friday in connection with an April 11 incident at the Boling Federal Building in downtown Kansas City.

They charged Mette-Njuldnir with making a terrorist threat.

Beat down

Carjackers Pistol-Whip Passenger

OR

Pistol packing crooks probably unfamiliar with Freud make the news while trying to compensate for their shortcomings.

Payback at the pump

Men Rob Southern Overland Park Gas Station

OR

As Cheech and Chong say, "Things are tough all over."

Biker Blues

2 People On Motorcycle Shot Sunday Night

Sadly, it was another East side shooting and not a much needed effort to thin the herd at Johnny Dare's.

Renovation

The Starlight Theater gets a new look that you probably won't notice while sleeping though one of their shows.

Lofty

BlogKC reports that the hotel which once housed the old KC Playboy Club might soon be converted into lofts.

Split

Jesus Christ people are picky . . . Overland Park Church splits with Diocese over gay bishop.

Highway of Death

No, I'm not talking about the famed "Highway of Death" from Gulf War I but our own I-29 which was sadly the scene of a fatal wreck involving a soldier recently home from Iraq.

Burn

Two people are injured in a Northland apartment fire Monday morning.

Brilliant

A local evil genius is gassing squirrels. I'm off to apply for an internship.

Fireside

Fire Causes Power Outage In Independence

Thousands of junkies were forced to use meth by candlelight, the way Ma and Pa used to do it.

Fishy

Local blogger Mac wonders what happened to the salmon.

Days of Whine

KC Media blog reports on the city's biggest babies this week.

Mixed Messages

Local blog 'Fire Dennis Moore' doesn't want you to go looking for the Kansas Congressman, but IF you happen to see him . . . then drop them a line.

This statement was preceded by a creepy stalker reporting on the Moore Clan at church.

Slice of life

Local blog Bluntwatch reports on more drama concerning Missouri budget cuts.

Lost Boys

Teens Spend Night Lost in Cave

Actually, that's not too much different from any other night out in KCK considering the other entertainment options available.

Tantrum

A suburban Kansas City teen has been charged with threatening to blow up his school after an administrator took the boy's cell phone away.

Actually, the story is out of PLATTE CITY, Mo. but I'm sure the kid isn't going to be able to live this down at any school in the four state area.

Hollywood

KC Media blog reports on SM North Grad starring in B-movie with Paris Hilton. Unfortunately, it's not amateur porn.

Reborn

Get your Unitarian Jihad Name now, local blogger KJ will show you how.

Raise

Jackson County had an average weekly wage of $757 in the third quarter of 2004, up 4.6 percent from the prior year, according to statistics the U.S. Department of Labor's Bureau of Labor Statistics released Thursday.

Now you can afford that hooker you've been dreaming of, don't forget to buy those condoms as well.

Healthcare still out of grasp for most poor people

Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius has appointed E. Wynn Presson and Mahnaz Shabbir to the Community Advisory Committee of the REACH Healthcare Foundation for three-year terms.

Info

American Century Investments is alerting thousands of its customers after two computers were stolen. Find out what sort of information was taken.

Identity theft is horrible but at least we know that they weren't looking for any investment ideas based on their decision to rob American Century.

Possum

Police said they found a rape suspect hiding under a bed.

Is the boogy man a rapist bastard? I always knew there was a reason to be scared of him. Now if only somebody could come and take away the monster hiding under my bed.

Routine

Police said they're sure a grisly find last week is not connected to the Prospect serial killings case.

It's just one of the regular corpses they find around town. I think that makes me feel safer.

The Big Payback

U.S. Rep. Emanuel Cleaver has paid his property tax bill for a Grandview car wash he owns.

Cleaver, a Democrat from Kansas City, paid the taxes Wednesday, a Jackson County spokesman said. Cleaver paid $14,789, the amount he owed for the car wash, 12204 Blue Ridge Blvd.

Cleaver's detractors now forced to find other dirt.

Link

The place to be

Local blogger MToast knows a ton of great local spots and provides links to a few in this delicious post.

A New Hope

Britney's baby provides a bright spot in otherwise depressing news according to Sirvinegar.

Consumption

BlogKC reports on the latest plans to add yet another strip mall to the local scene. Just in case you needed another place to buy khakis.

Shortchanged

The state’s board on funding decided Wednesday to stop withholding six million dollars in funding from the city’s charter schools.

Because they were just going to waste it anyway.

Dear Deer

A woman apparently swerved to miss a deer near 99th and Wornall. She hit the curb and flew into the pond.

The story has a happy ending, the woman was saved by two brave strangers and the deer had a funny story to tell all of his bastard buddies.

It's horrible to say this but I think the only benefit to driving SUV's is that you don't have to worry about swerving for deer but only have consider how much dragging them a few miles will decrease your gas mileage.

Hopeful

Fox 4 profiles a young woman interested in politics, who will one day learn to vote how her husband tells her.

Sickly

Minorities in Kansas are more likely to develop serious health problems and less likely to have insurance that pays for them, according to a state report by the Kansas Department of Health and Environment.

You can look at this story in one of two ways: Either the white man's burden is getting heavier in Kansas OR if you decide to stick it to the man and turn to a life or crime at least in prison you're likely to get better healthcare in jail than on the outside.

Other side

Local media reports on broke couple they've been publicly shaming for the past two days.

Round-up

Sweep Snares 430 Fugitives in Missouri

OR

Federal Marshall practice round against crooks goes well. Liberals next up.

Smolder

Southeast High Ups Security Following Arsons

Everyone in town knows that KC School District is going down in flames.

Fishy

Fire Damages Captain D's At Closing Time

Smoked Salmon on sale tomorrow. Har.

Big Gulp

Man Stabbed In Parking Lot Of 7-Eleven

Ever notice that the clientele is just as dangerous as the hotdogs at convenience stores?

Pitch a bitch

Students have pitched tents on the campus to make a point about the high cost of college.

Called "Tent State University," several dozen students have been sleeping, eating and attending class in tents.

Let me amend this rant right away: If you're paying your own tuition and having a hard time getting through college this doesn't apply to you. That said . . .

Damn college kids are little assholes. Go to UMKC, walk 6 blocks East and you'll be in a neighborhood full of people with real problems. College kids are supposed to be poor. Ramen noodles is just as much a part of campus life as kegers, or at least it should be that way. If you weren't/aren't struggling to pay bills in college then you really haven't received a full education.

Bitching about high tuition in college is like complain about too much reading, crowded classrooms or bitchy sorority girls . . . it goes with the territory.

Dear Diary

An Independence man charged with child molestation is believed to have more than 20 victims.

The dirtbag was caught bragging about the molestations at a porn store and then police discovered a journal in which he describes his crimes in detail.

Thankfully, local cops got to him before he started printing t-shirts, advertising the fact that he is a child molesting scumbag . . . allegedly.

Jerkoff

I was visiting my girlfriend last night. She works the graveyard shift. Very much like God, her work is meant to go unnoticed. Laboring into the early hours, her preparations make other people’s lives easier.

I rub her shoulders while she works on the computer. I listen to her stories of difficult situations and people she has encountered during the night. When she’s too busy to talk to me, I watch TV. When she wants company I follow her as she dutifully does her job. She does ten things at once. I gawk at her, she looks back and (usually) smiles.

Lately, some jerk has been making prank calls to her. She laughs it off and thinks of it as just another job related hassle. However, on this night I’m there to witness the semi-regular event first hand. She gets the call, puts her hand over her mouth and feigns excitement.

The guy on the other end of the line is jerking off. She puts him on the speakerphone and we hear moaning, grunting and the tell-tale rhythmic squishy sounds of fapping. “Oh yeah,” he grunts like a pervy version of the Kool-Aid Man. “Fuck. Shit.” He’s really going for it.

It’s too easy to get indignant. I want to be outraged that my girlfriend has to deal with this kind of thing, I want to know if it’s a stalker or just some pathetic soul prowling though the phone book for a good time. I glance at my girlfriend and she looks bored and ready to move on to her next task.

The jerkoff’s strokes are getting quicker, he’s breathing harder. I mime to my girlfriend, asking her if I can say something. When she deals with this sort of thing, she either simply hangs up or says something appropriately pithy and then hangs up. I search for something, I don’t want to make the jerkoff mad but I want to get my point across.

But what’s my point? A few more seconds go by, more panting, more fapping. My point is simple: Leave my underpaid, over worked girlfriend alone. Get a life, a clue, a conscience or a dirty movie.

I finally come up with something as the guy starts to make squealing sounds.

“C’mon. Hurry it up, we don’t have all night,” I snarl. I force my normally light voice as deep as it’ll go. I try to sound like a bartender barking the last call.

“That’s right. Finish it up, buddy. Get it done.”

Three seconds of silence pass. This could go badly. He could go berserk, get outraged and swamp the place with calls and other forms of harassment for weeks. Maybe I’ve shamed him enough to make him drive down to the place and throw a tantrum. Suddenly, something rattles on the other end of the line, then a click.

Predictably, the perv was a coward. Like a pubescent boy caught “in the act,” he retreated without a word. My girlfriend doubles over in laughter. She smiles and lets out a sigh.

I stay with her a little longer than usual as she quickly returns to her work. Later, I’ll leave and hope that I haven’t disturbed her too much with my visit. As I drive away and then look back, I notice that she’s still smiling and I realize that that I’ve done my job for the evening.

Working

Explosions Kill 12 Iraqi Police Officers

Still, because the number of Americans killed is down (thankfully) people say that things are "working" in Iraq. Maybe that's true but it depends on the U.S. staying there . . . indefinitely.

Special Delivery

Scientists scramble to destroy vials of 1957 flu virus sent to labs around the world

"The world really has to think what routine labs should be doing with these samples they (laboratories) have kept in the back of their fridges,"

And hope that they don't keep left over Chinese food there as well.

Baby, I love you

Abandoned Boy's Father Talks to Fox Four

The father of a baby boy left at Truman Medical tells fox four he had no idea the baby would be left at the hospital.

OR Your 35,872 reason not to get married or have kids.

Opening Day

KC's opening day ended predictably with a loss. However, Matt Welch has a much more exciting account of opening day in LA.

On the plus side, at least Barry Bonds had the stones to hobble out for his Opening Day abuse from the L.A. crowd, and tip his cap with a big grin. Later, in the bleachers, when people weren't pummeling each other silly (or at least acting like they were gonna), they batted around a special beach ball in the shape of a medicine bottle, with a label that said "ROIDS."

Reporting

The American Society of Newspaper Editors just reported that the number of newspaper journalists in America fell from 56,393 to 54,134 over the last four years.

This post goes on to point out that the number of bloggers continues to skyrocket. However, this isn't great news unless you want today's headlines to include how much somebody loves their cat.

The point is moot

Great music and venue review from this local blogger.

Listen up

Local blogger Rusty writes a funny open letter to everyone with huge speakers in your back trunk.

Friends and lovers

Awesome wedding stories and photos from local blogger Brad. Warning: images may make you feel like you have no life and no love . . . if this happens don't use happy pills just remember that most new marriages end in divorce.

Stupid kids must pay!

KCK students and parents will have to pay for summer school.

Who ripped the Custard?

Police were still looking Wednesday morning for a suspect who ripped off a custard shop in Overland Park.

Damn, even the crime sounds nicer in the suburbs.

Extra Cheese

Robbers Pull Gun On Pizza Deliveryman

Clever crooks take care of the munchies and drug money in one step.

Shut-in

Another brilliant writer lost to Netflix. Todd Levin is the funny.

Brew

Anheuser-Busch would boycott Missouri rice if state allows genetic modification

Clearly, depression, drunk driving and irresponsible behavior should be the only side effects of beer and not contamination from some freaky-deeky futuristic ingredients.

Feel Free

Black women with a family history of breast cancer are much less likely than whites to get genetic counseling,in part because of the mistaken notion that the genetic form of the illness is a white woman's disease, researchers say.

However, I'm available to give women of all races and ethnicities regular breast exams. The weekends are good for me, bring candles.

Haters

Second Suspect Charged In Alleged Hate Crime

OR

One step closer toward integrating the state's prisons.

Quiet

The Day of Silence, a project of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) in collaboration with the United States Student Association (USSA), is a student-led day of action where those who support making anti-LGBT bias unacceptable in schools take a day-long vow of silence to recognize and protest the discrimination and harassment -- in effect, the silencing -- experienced by LGBT students and their allies.

Sadly, all this means is that fat girls won't have anybody to talk to today.

Purr

Lyrics in praise of OS X Tiger from this local blogger.

Choke your chicken

Delicious animals have no rights. More wisdom from Death's Door.

Crafty

Girl Stabs Classmate With Pencil During School Fight

Who says the kids aren't learning anything in the KC School District? MacGyver couldn't have come up with better.

Owned

Study: Government leads KC-area jobs

Read this story and never complain about the government again, because you or somebody you know is on their payroll.

"They" is you.

Baby Come Back

A baby was abandoned yesterday at Truman Medical Center.

Some people just don't value life, there is no reason to throw a child away . . . a healthy white baby probably could have sold for 30 grand.

The Bottleneck

Paseo Bridge down to one lane. Your northland escape from the city could be hampered. Those voices in your head are the people (already home) in Johnson County laughing.

Feminism is dead

Andrea Dworkin discovers that God is a man. You go girl.

In the wash

Cleaver will soon sell his controversial car wash but he's still doesn't seem very clean.

Click here to endorse The Star's media monopoly and read the rest of the story.

Scoop

Libby Nelson — student reporter, designer and newspaper editor — is now the first National High School Journalist of the Year from Kansas.

Sadly, she's not a good enough reporter to have discovered that it's nearly impossible to support yourself with a career in journalism.

Barter

Trade gap is huge, sucking in too many imports. Economics can be nasty. More evidence that Wal-mart shoppers suck.

Cross

7 year-old hit on his way to school on Independence Ave. this morning.

Sam I am

Lawrence blog 'Thoughts from Kansas' dishes on the anti-science stance of Sam Brownback and provides a link to new blog keeping up with the topic: the Anti-Sam.

Close Call

Local blogger Mac reports that an asteroid is on the way. But it probably won't hit, so don't rush out to have unprotected sex just yet.

In action

Local blogger MToast reports on the fuzz on her phone.

Backed up

Local blogger Dreadnought7 struggles with writer's block.

Resurrected

KC Downtown Development reports:

Two buildings connected with Tom Pendergast, who ran the political machine in Kansas City during the early 1900's, are being reborn. 1908 Main, which once housed Pendergast's office on the second floor, has become the KCAI Crossroads Gallery. 1904 Main, also known as the Hotel Monroe, is being renovated into condominiums.

Normally, I would make a joke about Pendergast spinning in his grave . . . But everybody know he was a big fan of gambling, these speculative projects would have suited him fine.

Joe Average

How sad to be normal

This local blogger wants you to take the road less traveled, which no longer includes a tattoo.

Not listening

Local blog 'Heretical Ideas' analyzes the content of the President's Ipod. Like everyone else, I was disappointed that Eric Clapton's "Cocaine" wasn't on the list.

Baby Talk

Local blogger 'Short Story Dude' files a post in praise of pregnant women, mainly his wife.

Heard it on the radio

Morning talk draws an interesting insight from local blogger Bob.

Roo-estate

Okay, that's a stupid headline but nobody trusts UMKC when it comes to real estate.

School's Out

A bill that would have allowed state tax credits for a proposed scholarship program that would help students attend private schools failed in the Missouri House.

Apparently, the state needs all of the tax money it can get in order to fund shitty public schools.

Pulling Down

AFL-CIO takes aim at Sprint chief's pay

A Labor group has unveiled a new Web site that looks at the annual compensation of six company chief executives, including CEO Gary Forsee

Unfortunately, it's not written in Hindi so most of Sprint's new employees won't be able to read it.

Unnecessary Roughness

Former K-State Player Accused of Rape

Sadly, a lot of football players have a hard time keeping their violent behavior confined to the field and willing groupies.

Pray for us

At any moment, in the blink of an eye, anyone of us could become a victim of a violence.

But living in a shitty neighborhood sure does increase our odds.

This week is crime victims rights week, and a crime victim's vigil Monday night in Kansas City, Kansas honored not only the victims of crime, but the loved ones left behind.

As for the perpetrators of violent crime, they don't really need prayers because they've got money, ho's, spinning rims . . . and guns.

Research

A new center at the University of Kansas will conduct a five-year study of the melting of polar ice caps.

It is financed by $19 million from the National Science Foundation, the largest federal grant a Kansas university has ever received.

Sadly, all of the bi-polar sorority girls attending KU mistakenly believed that they were gonna get help as well.

Walk it off

Shooting victim found by police and not more bullets.

Rescue

"He was completely purple. His eyes were beet red. He was black from the smoke. And he was bleeding all over from cuts from crawling."

Strangely, this is a story of neighbor rescuing a man from a house fire and not a night at America's Pub.

Motivation

Runners Shot At During Track Practice

Other track coaches across the metro get bad ideas about improving performance.

Reheat

Jury Selection Begins In 1982 Beating Death Of Olathe Man

Local cold case could be cracked. I hope nobody every re-opens the file on my junior high years.

Two Front

Missouri Soldier Among Dead In Afghan Chopper Crash

In case you forgot we were still in Afghanistan as well.

Double Take

East Side Sees 2 Drive-By Shootings In 2 Hours

Royals Lose (Get used to this headline)

The 41,788 in attendance marked the highest opening day attendance in the history of Kauffman Stadium.

No word if the record for highest number of cheating husbands, skipping work to spend the day with their mistresses was broken as well. I bet it was close.

Da Bomb

Police Robot Used to Investigate Suspicious Suitcase

Turns out it was nothing but fear, paranoia and panic. You know, pretty much the usual Monday routine for downtown commuters.

Cutting Edge

Great new site from the guys who brought you Transbuddha.

Our new site RazorFine Review. . . A strictly media review based site now which will eventually cover movies, DVDs, television, and ad campaigns, among other things.

As with Transbuddha, we're all locally based contributors. We've got a couple of Kansas City Film Critics Society members on board, and we're working towards getting all of our contributors involved with the KCFCS.

Love Train

KC will be spending more money on public transportation no one will use:

The Metropolitan Area Express, known as MAX, promises to move passengers from the River Market to the Country Club Plaza faster than traditional bus service by using a mix of exclusive lanes, traffic-signal controls and limited stops.

The fare will be the same as for the regular Metro bus system: $1.

But transit officials say the infrastructure improvements they are making for the $21 million MAX system will benefit nonriders too.

Stupid Ass Star Registration: Link

Make a run

A Taco Bell was robbed in Shawnee last night. Stay tuned for upcoming news of a candelight vigil held by stoners and fat people.

Don't look down on me

Google Maps gets blurred by the government. However, your house is still there for everyone to see. Now why don't you go put on those shorts that I like.

Mommy Dearest

This local blogger wonders what effect a new woman will have on her relationship with her son.

I'm guessing that most step-parents just offer kids yet another person to disobey.

Every kid with an IQ of more than 10 has this trump card phrase memorized: "You're not my "_insert more important biological relationship here_!!!"

Prison Bitches

Lansing pushing museum dedicated to four nearby prisons

Mayor Kenneth Bernard wants to build a $1 million museum dedicated to the area's largest employer - prisons.

Exhibits might include: The Hall of Ass-Rape and Shank Central. Admission could be somewhere around 5 dollars or roughly 3 packs of smokes. The souvenir shop will be well stocked with soap on a rope and bottles of pruno. On the brighter side, it's good that there is going to be another place for people to learn about an establishment that is largely inhabited by minorities.

House Party

Patrick Dobson of EKC writes a nice roundup of the recent Westside zoning struggle.

Bo knows retractions

Newspaper Sorry For Accusing Bo Jackson Of Steroid Use

Still, it's hard to think of Jackson as one of KC's own. Anyone with a sense of history about this town will remember all of the local boneheads throwing plastic footballs at him when decided to play for the Raiders.

Burning for you

4 Firefighters Taken To Hospitals Sunday

Their injuries were work related and not due to beating their wives or excessive drinking because firefighters are good guys and wouldn't do that kind of thing. Right?

Teenage Wasteland

Girl, 16, Dies From Injuries Suffered In Wreck

A 16-year-old Shawnee, Kan., girl dies from injuries she suffered in a wreck while attempting to flee police.

Signing Off

Kansas City’s senior newscaster Noel Heckerson is retiring after 42 years.

Got Milk?

The Prairie Village City Council may adopt a policy to permit employees to express and store breast milk during working hours.

Clearly marking your snacks in the workplace fridge was never more important.

Stormy Weather

Blizzard just 500 miles west of K.C.

Ice princess skanks in Johnson County. Ice cool killers on the East side. Cold drinks at the convenience store.

Chill.

The Big Crapple

"Trains aren't for pooping"

New Yorkers are the shit.

On the arm

A Moscow man gets surgery to enlarge his penis. It's attached to his arm in order to grow. Suddenly, dates that end with only a hug are far more exciting.

Here come da judge

Lawrence blog 'Thoughts from Kansas' writes about recent political attacks against the judiciary.

Recently, it seems that a few conservatives are more upset at judges than divorced men forced to pay back child support.

Back in the saddle

Local blogger Andrea is back with great tunes.

Jury Duty

Local blogger DTS reports on his recent stint in the judicial system.

Sinner

Local blogger Mr. Cellophane reviews Sin City.

Seeing Things

Local Blogger Laura spots a Wild Turkey in someplace other than her Monday morning coffee.

Tired

Local Blogger Gimpysoft reports:

This is the second time in about six months when I've had a bolt stuck through a tire.

Strange, I've had tire trouble as well that I can't blame on Mayor Kay. It's frustrating but still not as maddening as trying to deal with public transportation in this town.