
So, it turns out that I got played during this election . . . Let me share my side of the story:
The intro
This blog is about jokes. This blog is about making fun people in power because I'm basically powerless and this little pastime of mine is just about the only thing that keeps me from opening up my wrists during one of my rare instances of bathing.
I try to be merciless but I'm not a madman, I know all about laws concerning slander, copyright (fair use), libel and parody. Also, I advise everyone to stop reading this blog and I could really care less if any of you d-bags find my jokes, opinions or commentary funny.
The sitch
As the election got going I was pleased that Funkhouser moved into second place because the guy is ripe to make fun of . . . I'm sure he's nice but rumor has it that everybody called him Lurch behind his back at City Hall. And there's no funking end to the wordplay jokes with his name.
Naturally, I let loose with a few nasty posts and got a few decent responses to my mean spirited humor.
Then I get one e-mail after the next from Joe Miller . . . Typical blogger stuff. "Are you talking about me?" "Why are you so mean?" "You just don't get it." The kind of thing I usually ignore if it wasn't for the fact that I've went out to dinner a few times with Joe and I've even seen the inside of his house. The e-mails went on for a week and we agreed to meet for coffee to talk about future "Mayor Funky."
Why? Well, as you may have already guessed: I have no friends. I openly admit that I have a pretty sad and miserable existence (that I'm thankful for nonetheless). When I get work, it's usually stuff that I do in front of the computer and to be honest: It gets down right lonely in my mom's basement.

So I actually entertained the thought of lightening up on Funkhouser for my "buddy" as the election drew near. And believe it or not . . . I did. All my anti-Funkhouser comments were far more tame than I had ever planned. My reaction to all the blogger cheerleading was disgust and I was just waiting to let loose . . . And while I did note my feelings on the matter, I never really posted as many nasty things as I wanted to . . .
The Future
However, a brief mention of Miller in a Star article today regarding Mayor Funky's plans for his new administration clues me into the fact that I was expertly played for a sucker and my lenience on the Funkhouser campaign served only to provide Miller with a stepping stone to a pretty decent career in politics . . .
Q: Who is going to be advising you — who is going to be on your staff?
A: We haven’t worked out details yet. Ed Wolf (longtime public works director who retired in 2003) will probably be a significant player. … Joe Miller (former Pitch writer and a Funkhouser campaign spokesman) will be a significant voice in the mayor’s office.
Yeah, I got played . . . In much the same way that
all of those Black kids that Miller documented in his book didn't get much out of the deal except for the details of their lives being callously broadcast to millions of NPR listeners and the pleasure of being
portrayed in a typical white fantasy in which liberals who "get" the Black experience single-handedly act as saviors of the "po'Black chillens" and do so much more for them than self-determination or a stable family unit ever could. I only hope those kids got a piece of the book money as well. Oh, I'm sure there might be a few of you rushing to Miller's defense but I should also note that his protégé
Marcus Leach often asks people not to mention his appearance in the book because he's seemingly a bit embarrassed of being stereotypically lumped into the simplistic "downtrodden, Black kid with a heart of gold" category that gets so many white liberals mugged when they should be (justifiably according to statistics) clutching their purses and or wallets. (Note: My evidence for this statement comes from a chance encounter with Leach, in which I asked him if he was one of "Joe's Kids" and he kind of shrugged it off and blushed a little bit . . . Which is a feat for any Black dude - He could have been blowing me off (no homo) because I'm an asshole but the response seemed genuine).
ANYWAY . . .
During the quick meeting at Coffee Girls I asked Joe about the possible conflicts regarding his new career . . . He gave me some spiel about "participatory journalism."
That works for me . . . I'm sure it's the same thing
Dick Morris tells himself at night.
Thing is, I don't like
lackeys no matter what they call themselves.
And as much as I need friends . . . It would just be a gigantic sellout for me to take it easy on Funkhouser for the next four years just because Joe Miller is a good guy. Especially given the fact that I'm not getting anything out of it AND documenting Funkhouser's failures (of which there will undoubtedly be many that won't be all his fault) is basically what this blog is for . . . So, if that costs me a "friendship" which I was never quite sure was there in the first place. Then so be it.
A lonely basement dwelling blogger I may be but it's not even worth running this blog if the opinions and jokes don't belong to me.
Witchy Woman
I'm kicking myself big time for failing to mention the RUMORS regarding Gloria Squirto's (Funkhouser's wife) alleged association with
Wiccan forces . . . That's an old media trick that works in this situation, I don't know Squirto, I don't care about her but I am reporting the fact that
there are RUMORS about her involvement with Tarot cards, local witches and the like . . . While I'm not surprised that The Star didn't include the mention of this speculation in
their article about the wives of the candidates . . . I'm surprised not one local blogger ran with the RUMOR. I figured it would be one of many things I didn't post
A new day of sunshine...
Submitted by ntheno to the KC Buzz Blog on March 25, 2007 - 9:39pm.
Yes! a new day of sunshine...That is one way of looking at it... It sounds like Mark may be getting his advice from his wife (with the help of Tarot cards.. ) Did I read that article right, I had to reread. Even the KC Star was shocked! Is she channeling Abe's wife or is it an latent acid trip.. I am frightened. And my guess is, I am not alone.
This keeps getting stranger and stranger, and I for one am longing for the good ole days of Stan Glazer. He had bigger ideas and a less crazy family...... Also any else hear about the Wiccan rumors???? This is getting better and better. Below is a text of the Squitior Wiccan religion.." Sign me up, is the headquarters going to be next to the new Scientology campus at the KC Star facility. You can either laugh or cry at this... I personally am beside myself.
Come to think of it, I don't feel sleazy at all for posting this because I think a real alternative opinion source allows for ALL viewpoints AND . . . The superstitions that I subscribe to are in direct conflict with all of that Tarot card nonsense. When I ask what the Big JC would do . . . I come to the conclusion that he might not have much sympathy for witchcraft and would want to give everyone the opportunity to denounce it.
Can I get an Amen?! And Hallelujah! Also, if these rumors are off base, they merely represent an opportunity for "the campaign manager" of the winning candidate to come clean and tell us that she has never taken part in a Tarot card reading.
BUT I just regret that I didn't REPORT THE RUMOR given that I'm sure at least one thousand voters might have had wanted to know whether or not WITCHCRAFT played a role in the home life of the Mayor.
So, I'm a bit sorry that I overlooked this aspect of the campaign simply for some misguided attempt at friendship.
AFTERMATHAnd now it's all out there . . . I don't feel like I'm stifling my joke blog by pulling punches anymore . . . There was no reason to do it if there wasn't going to be a payday. And honestly, I don't have any faith in Funkhouser as a Mayor and undoubtedly the dude would never make a difference in my life.
So, congratulations on your cushy job Joe!!! I don't want to maintain the illusion of friendship because I just don't think it's possible when I consider it a priority, as long as I'm taking in breath to question and pester and cause (jokey) problems for people in power.
I think we had a good run, I filed some pretty nice posts in your favor but your new position (no homo) now puts us in direct opposition. Is this all jealousy? Sure, why not. From what I've read on the local internets, anything less than full fledged support for Funkhouser is tantamount to heresy (very much like witchcraft to us Cath-o-holics).
I hope that you'll shake my hand if I ever see you again. I even invite you to keep on sending cutesy e-mails to my girlfriend and keep her on your "long plan" if the new marriage doesn't work out.
But the truth is . . . I don't have pals when it comes to politics. And I'm through playing nice with newly elected neophytes who pose just as great of a threat to this city as the outgoing bunch of corrupt Council people.