The TKC Saturday Night Podcast: The search for Shauntay and the runaway slave theme

I'm no expert, but recently I've been reminded that there is a bit of a historical archetype when it comes to Black people on the run in this country.

From The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to the current search for Shauntay Henderson that is set to air on America's Most Wanted any minute now . . . There seems to be a theme that has developed over centuries regarding Black people on the run. Of course, the details, their alleged innocence and/or guilt have always made for good stories, causes and political issues BUT the fact remains . . . Guilty or Innocent . . . Over the course of this country's history . . . The tales of Black people running from the authorities have captivated this country's imagination and they have also inspired tonight's podcast. These are the most popular songs that come to mind when I think about Shauntay on the run and hope that the search comes to an amicable resolution.



Of course a female fugitive evokes an even greater level of interest but from what I've read regarding Shauntay . . . She doesn't seem very lady like.



But, as I noted previously, cops and robbers movies have become ingrained in the culture and songs about folks on the run have always been popular.



At first I didn't want to include 100 Miles and Runnin' on tonight's podcast because it reminds me of what a stupid kid I was . . . But thinking back, what I didn't realize is that the music that mesmerized me was nothing more than a show . . . Once again I was fooled into thinking that hard lyrics and tough poses translated into power. Sadly, only years later did I realize that all of my rap heroes were simply performers and their tall tales should have simply been taken in stride and not emulated . . . Not that I ever got in much trouble but I sure did waste far too much money on entertainment and stupid clothing.



Anyway, the reality is that life on the run isn't one bit glamorous if prison memoirs and second hand accounts are in the least bit accurate. So often there's an attempt to glamorize any tense situation as long as it's far away . . . It seems that everything from war to criminal activity has become a spectator sport. In someways that's helpful, but I'm sure for the most part it's counter productive.

Still, tonight Shauntay Henderson's case goes national and I'm not ashamed to note that I've been more than a little interested in the outcome. Sooner or later I'm sure KC's bald, broad fugitive will realize that it's time to stop running, there are even people who have offered to help her surrender but certainly it's clear that the chase is about to come to an end.

Update: They caught Shauntay . . . Only minutes before the America's Most Wanted Episode featuring her was even aired but not before I posted this podcast.

You're welcome.

Will loosening the purse strings turn things around for KC's beloved local losers?

A recent(ish) AP story claims that Dayton Moore damn near got on his hands and knees (no homo?) and begged David Glass for more money in order to garner a better pitching staff coupled with a request to keep the owner's son of dugout affairs.

Kansas City at the epicenter of the worldwide "24 hour prayer movement"

I recently came across a bit of background on the folks at the International House of Prayer (IHOP) . . . I drive past it from time to time and a few weeks ago you can imagine my dismay when I walked through the doors of the place drunk, hungry and covered with stripper glitter and instead of pancakes I was forced to listen to a a tirade about turning my life around . . . ANYWAY, apparently the folks behind these storefronts have setups all over the world and even an African ministry called "Love Mercy". Other than that I don't know much about them other than their name is a bit misleading AND If I'm to believe Russell Simmons: The best way to help all the starving babies and exploited people in Africa is to buy more diamonds!!!

Oldest Marine to serve in Iraq (60) has retirement party in Kansas City

His service spanned 40 years and two wars . . . He eventually served in the same unit as his son . . . Fox 4 has the story and video.

Your taxes for the trucking industry

KMBZ reports: "Republican transportation leaders in the Legislature called Thursday for increasing taxes at least $4 billion to pay for interstate highway upgrades. Rep. Neal St. Onge proposed raising taxes to provide dedicated truck lanes on Interstate 70, upgraded ports . . . Sen. Bill Stouffer, R-Napton, already has proposed making dedicated truck lanes on Interstates 44 and 70, using a 1-cent sales tax from 2009-2018 that would raise $7.2 billion."

They're proposing more taxes on gas as well in what I'm assuming to be an attempt to help the British push gas to at least 5 bucks a gallon sometime in the next two years.

The Great White North

One of my first lessons about politics came when I was a kid . . . Emanuel Cleaver was the first African-American Mayor of Kansas City and upon his victory I was naively impressed with that fact . . . However, things didn't stay cordial long after he came to power. Only months after he took office, Northland residents were up in arms because one of his first acts was to try and place a (most likely toxic) dump for the City up North. Older KC residents might remember this . . . It was about 15 years ago (obviously, I can't find a link).

Anyway, folks up North were upset at what was obviously a political reprisal . . . They fought tooth and nail, they were fuming mad and I think in the end they even got the size of the waste site reduced but the lesson was clear . . . There is clearly a price to pay for any political support or lack thereof.

Additionally, there is also a HUGE BENEFIT for backing the right pony. And now the tables have turned to the advantage of the Northland.

Most people know this kind of stuff without being told and it's really only common sense to see that people who supported Mark Funkhouser for Mayor are going to want to cash in while those who opposed him (Hello Eastside!) are going to be left out in the cold. Arguing otherwise is not only extremely naive but it also subverts the very nature of Democracy (as do all disagreements with TKC).

Anyway, today The Star accurately (for once) notes that the Northland stands to make some significant gains for their overwhelming and some say (I do at least) "racially motivated and suspect" support of Mark Funkhouser.

Count Northland residents as potentially winning big after Tuesday’s elections in Kansas City.

Residents north of the river soon may have more luck tapping into City Hall for money to build new roads, expand park amenities and invest in repairs for older neighborhoods . . . Northland voters provided former city auditor Mark Funkhouser a crucial edge in his mayoral victory. He won more than 70 percent of the vote in the parts of Clay and Platte counties that are in Kansas City.

I believe the phrase is: "To the victor go the spoils" but it's hard to argue that suburban-living, supermarket-mecca-having, SUV-driving Northland residents aren't spoiled enough.

I'd argue that South KC needs far more attention but a Funkhouser press conference during the last week, and some handshaking placated the Southland well enough to soften the blow of the edge Alvin Brooks had in this area despite his own negligence of backing Chuck Eddy's scheme to turn the place into a truck stop. But that's all hindsight now . . .

What's important to understand is that everybody is now lining up to get a piece of Mark Funkhouser's administration . . . After a close race like this one, everybody claims it was their support that provided the edge.

Here's a quick list of who Funkhouser has to payback big time or face an even LOWER voter turnout and possible rebuke in his next bid (and there is no doubt this guy is all about using Kansas City as a stepping stone for a greater political career):

La Raza . . . I'm biased here but I also know there are plenty of Latinos who think they pushed Funkhouser over the top. With 67% support among Hispanics and an important and news-making endorsement (ugh) from La Raza Political Club . . . You could probably make a somewhat reasonable case that they made a difference. Still, I wonder if Funkhouser will hire any more Hispanics at City Hall other than the lackeys that he's already got in his camp? The local Latino community is usually pretty harsh about having tokens sent their way but I've had my own issues dealing with an entitlement culture that is often present in minority communities. Buena Suerte to the big man in trying to overcome this hurdle!

The ghey community . . . Nearly every the ghey political group came out for Funkhouser in a move that probably didn't embarrass their family in that instance at least. I don't even think Brooks tried to impress these folks or he would have risked his religious base. I don't know how Funkhouser is going pay back these folks for the support but they are EXPECTING some RECIPROCATION since they definitely had his back. Ewwwwwww.

The GREAT WHITE NORTH - Yeah, Funkhouser might as well move his headquarters to one of the empty shops in Metro North Mall . . . He owes everything to this part of town and if there isn't some major payback . . . Cops, streets, infrastructure and appearances then he won't last long . . . Thing is, Mayor Kay has sent a decent amount of (TIF) money "up there" already and despite the mostly well-behaved Meth addicts -- That part of town is pretty nice . . . What this means is that Funk will have to continue constant support of this hood and consequently CONTINUE TO IGNORE the problems of the Eastside. That's how he got elected and what will keep him in office but few can argue that it's in the best interest of the city.

So, the postscript to this election is simple: Suburbanites win BIG. Even the (JOCO) Star thinks so . . . Still, a messenger boy for the cookie cutter houses and suburbanites up North is hardly the "grassroots" revolution that Funkhouser camp sold to the rest of the City but if he fails to support his base (no homo) then he won't last long.

What's clear is that it'll be fun to see Funkhouser spreading himself thin(er) to please all of these camps . . . Also that image makes me realize that KC politics only gets uglier after watching it since I was a little kid.

A season to risk

No, I'm not referring to the post-punk/electronic collective hailing from Kansas City, MO; the "season to risk" I'd like to note to is Springtime and the all encompassing madness over whatever weather patterns might arise.

In fact, I'd like to draw attention to a great point that a local weather watcher recently made on KC Talk . . . Forgive me for being so naive BUT I didn't know that the obsessive weather coverage that makes watching television nearly unbearable during the Springtime is due to the fact that this stormy time of year also coincides with ratings season.

In reference to a storm earlier this week, a very wise post at KC's best forum notes: "It's not May yet, so until sweeps comes around, local TV could give a shit about us."

Still, it's not like I'm asking for Katie Horner to run around like a chicken with its head cut off more often but this info does make it easier to adjust my schedule. And I'm also glad to know that the fervor that local weather folks present is just an act . . . I really thought they were serious last year and that moisture falling from the sky was surly a sign that the world was coming to an end . . . Now, I'm going to have to completely rely on Al Gore to throw me into a panic regarding weather patterns.

Back to the lockup dog

The weather is getting warmer, that means that the greatest threat to you is not weapons of Mass Destruction, crime on the Eastside, Drunk Drivers or a jilted lover . . . According the the local news (especially KCTV5) you really have to live in fear of dogs (when not fretting over somebody jumping out of your computer screen and raping you) . . . To wit, a local dog Faces house arrest . . . And I already wonder if he'll get one of those neat ankle bracelets and have to make calls to his PO to inform "the man" regarding his whereabouts . . .

A dog faces house arrest after allegedly biting a fire inspector.

The dog was under an awning outside a coffee shop in Brookside this morning. He reportedly heard a clap of thunder and got scared. That was when the fire inspector, who was under the awning trying to avoid the rain, got bit . . .

The owner says the dog has all his shots, but will have to stay inside the house for about 10 days.

That's ruff (ugh) I know some people who nearly went crazy being forced to stay inside their house for more than a month, so I have no idea what that'll do to an animal who would rather be playing in the park and frolicking outdoors . . . Additionally, if the mutt is anything like the humans I've known who have underwent house arrest . . . The animal won't learn much other than the notion that getting caught and punished was the only thing that was really regrettable.

Still . . . A lot of folks believe that any kind of alternative to the normal lock up is a good idea. Who knows if they're right BUT maybe if animals don't automatically get caged up then humans might merit the same treatment. A lot of people think so given that in a recent survey half of Missourians claimed to support using drug courts rather than prison for first-time offenders.

Have you seen her?

Spotting a baldy hasn't been this profitable unless you're a broad out husband hunting and looking for a dude with low self esteem (and lots of money): 25k reward for Shauntay Henderson

Update: Here is Ayman's take on the subject as well.

Certainly not a fight for dignity or honor

2 Local Women Compete In ABC's 'The Bachelor'

Looking ahead

A Cleveland baseball blog I read recently has some pretty prophetic predictions. It's almost eerie . . . Like the guy was channeling Chief Wahoo himself . . . Especially when he summed up the Royals current situation.

Next, I predict that the Kansas City Royals most current rebuilding plan won’t work, either. I also predict that they’ll consider another managerial change although I also predict that most fans inside and outside of Kansas City couldn’t even name their current manager.

That sounds about right. The blog is entitled "Wait 'till next year again" And actually that's a bit hopeful sounding for a similar small media market like Cleveland . . . In KC I'm pretty sure the only reason to look forward to next season when it comes to the Royals is that maybe you might win the office pool with a bet on when exactly the team will lose 100 games.

Still plenty to see

Thankfully, there wasn't a mass shooting at the St. Paddy's Day Parade. However, there were some big guns out nonetheless . . . Check out a few more shots of the parade recently posted at a digital photography forum.

TKC Myspace of the moment: Five reasons why you ladies should have sex with "the D"

Every so often, while trolling the Internets I find a blog or a Myspace page that perfectly captures what (I think) the local blogosphere is all about . . . Today, the high honor of a nice post by me goes to The D.

His blog "The D rules" is more personal than political but it features great insights about everyday life in KC nonetheless. The D posts content about "life as a young, single, kick ass dude, in my home town of Kansas City. It shall include but not be limited too, humor, jokes, funny stories about me and whatever I want."

He has shown up with a couple of comments on this blog but I bet he doesn't know that I have even more man love (No Homo!!!) for him. So here is why this blogger (with a pretty decent myspace page as well) kicks ass and here are just a few reasons that women should sleep with him, banks should give him money with no questions asked and he should get a pass from police on all crimes up to and including aggravated assault.

1. The guy has lost a hell of a lot of weight and he's documented a lot of it online. I have to admit, those tangible results without one mention of how one of his parents beat him or whatever the Hell the opposite sex thinks is inspiring and made me want to go out and jog if I wasn't on the lower end of a diabetic coma due to the fried fish sandwich I had for lunch.

2. Look at that pic . . . Do you have the guts to put your best face forward like that? I don't, but damn I'm impressed.

3. His "Joke Thursday" posts are the shit.

4. He graduated from Bishop Ward so he's been through the unmitigated humiliation of being constantly beaten by my old high school (Miege) yet he still seems to hold his head high!!! (Yeah, I'm going back more than a decade for glory Al Bundy style. What of it? Harrumph!)

5. He has been spit upon but still stands tall!!! I don't think I've ever had any bodily fluids unwillingly cast upon me but if I did, rest assured I'd spend the rest of the day bathing in Purell . . . This guy seems to take it in stride and that's why he's a gully local blogger.

So, there you have it. Now go and make the D part of your daily read if you haven't already.

Crooks still haven't figured out the best way to rob a bank is to buy it

A bank robbery at the Community America Credit Union may be tied to others . . . Which is somehow related to the fact that ATM fees are moving closer to charging you nearly half of what you might withdraw.

Game (almost) on in WyCo!!!

Channel 9 reports that Wyandotte County could become hot spot for gamblers . . . Meaning people who like games of chance rather than just gambling with their safety and health while cruising for streetwalkers and illicit substances . . . Personally, I don't really care how people kill themselves but the way that I'll probably (hopefully) meet my demise is by a miniature train and all the greasy goodness at Fritz's . . . Which by far is the best thing about KCK despite all of the easily available vices in that hood.

Putting off the fall of The Empire

Man charged with 2006 nightclub shooting at The Empire Room . . . Strange how the vibe across the street at The Velvet Dog is so much better than almost every bar in town. I miss going there, you could usually find me in the corner . . . Sipping a frou-frou girly drink and doing my best to avoid conversation.

"sweatin the small stuff" once again

I'll label this one as "in praise of rough looking women." A classic take on a scary story and why lesbian prison movies are simply pure (wonderful) fantasy. Check it.

Is politics better when it's ugly?

I think so, but Dan over at Gone Mild is actually a nice guy who claims that an aggressive Brooks campaign still couldn't have worked. I actually think I agree with Kraske and the comments all over the net prove that NEITHER side was really interested in a clean campaign. However, what I like is that all the scum and sleaze was left to the Internets while the public faces were always pretty . . . I think that works in the favor of every blogger and says a lot of about our medium. Still, Dan's perspective is worth checking out and (as usual) he makes a ton of great points. No homo.

Blunt aide in the buff!!!

Matt Blunt's press secretary has nude pics floating around on the Internets . . . And the only thing I find appalling is how she's being treated with kid gloves by both parties and she received the help of The State Highway Patrol in order to put the kibosh on the whole thing. Take a quick peek (!!!). . . At her sob story . . . Yeah, I guess I couldn't post the photos not only because I haven't seen them (she doesn't seem like much to look at) but also because I'm sure it would earn me a one way ticket to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba or at least get me deported.

In late 2004, Jessica Robinson — now Gov. Matt Blunt's press secretary — learned that private photos of her nude body were traveling on the very public Internet.

She took steps, with the help of the State Highway Patrol, to remove the images. But like weeds, the pictures recently came back — circulating again on the Web and now around the state Capitol.

She says the pictures had been taken by her husband, Jay Robinson, in late 2003 and early 2004 to document the various stages of her pregnancy that resulted in the May 2004 birth of their son. The photos were put on the hard drive of the couple's computer . . .

By October 2004, the early-pregnancy pictures —which show a smiling, still-slim Jessica Robinson standing in front of a wall — somehow ended up on several pornographic websites. Authorities say the couple's computer had been hacked.

I'm not sure if I buy that story but it doesn't really matter. The main point here is the fact that nude photos are available of nearly every woman working as a professional in the media . . . Or at least that's been my experience. Also, I'm pretty sure that there are women across the State who have photos they may not want of themselves on the Internets and The State Highway Patrol doesn't get involved . . . That's time that they should be spending hassling every Latino who dares to drive a car and checking their citizenship!!!

Finally, I'm always impressed with these kind of stories and how they are usually intended to make everyone afraid of the Internet . . . I guess I also miss the days when people had more privacy . . . Just like I'm sure po'folk from across the Show-Me State miss their Medicare. But what are you gonna do? The only thing I can think of is to smile and try to suppress your cough while Baby Blunt blushes.

P.S. - I also have nude photos of myself on my computer but they are intended to be a warning to all those who would dare to mess with my computer. The photos picture me, naked, holding a sword while my a former lover throws pickles at me and I point at the camera. I was hacked once and somebody got hold of the photos. They subsequently left me an e-mail apology and deposited 20 dollars in my paypal account.

Hat tip: Jazo (who declined to see any of my nude photos)

Pump it up!!!

In what might possibly THE WORST ROAD TRIP EVER, and Overland Park man has recently brought some noteriety and PRIDE to the name of his community . . . OR, if you truly know the nature of the suburbs in and around Kansas City . . . You aren't really surprised to read about a poor, downtrodden Overland Park man WHO HAD MORE THAN $1,000 WORTH OF PENIS PUMPS STOLEN FROM HIS VEHICLE!!!

Council Bluffs Police reports stated officers were called to the Fairfield Inn, located at 520 30th Ave., for a report of a burglary to a vehicle at 9:40 p.m.

An Overland Park, Kan., man told officers someone broke the passenger side window on his vehicle and stole five penis pumps and parts, valued at $1,300, according to police reports. Damage to the window was placed at $200.

At the time of the report, the victim found no other items missing or no other damage to his vehicle. The case was marked inactive because there were no suspects or witness information available.

I'm pretty sure that has to be the most embarrassing police report you'd ever have to file or at least ranks right up there with the time I had to provide details regarding a gang of midgets who gave me a beatdown because I like to pretend I'm a giant monster when I'm depressed.

I don't even want to ask the obvious question: WHAT IN THE HELL WAS HE DOING WITH 1K WORTH OF PENIS PUMPS? Because I'm pretty sure that my brain would explode if given the answer. Personally, I always doubted that anybody really had a penis that small and and a complex to do something about it with the notable exception of Lou Dobbs and Kris Kobach -- And the answer they found was to take their aggression regarding the matter out on Mexicans instead of investing in unproven (how would I know that?) technology.

Anyway, the point is that we all need to take care when taking a road trip and secure our valuables, penis pumps and anything that might be potentially embarrassing. I know that I always dread telling people that my downtown dwelling is a basement and not a loft.

Hat tip: Across-the-board.com

KC Street Art blog: "This ordinance makes no sense what so ever."

The Street Performer advocate has taken up the (unpopular) cause of panhandlers as well. Take a moment to check out her impassioned post and an alternative perspective on the new legislation directed at those with the temerity to be poor.

Insert lame Korean Food surplus joke here

30 cats removed from Lee's Summit home.

TKC will not make Polish jokes

First of all . . . And I don't know if this is funny: Other than Great Britain the people of Poland were the biggest (and funniest) supporters of the U.S. War of Terror in Iraq and they shouldn't be taken for granted. Also, a gully new missile shield in Poland should make the world safe for more missiles and U.S. interests.

So, with little or no useful commentary (as usual) on the subject I will simply link a pretty interesting story I noticed at The Star's site earlier this morning regarding some small dust-up over KCK Polish festivities in what is now a neighborhood that's predominantly occupied by Mexicans.

A bitter conflict has erupted on Polish Hill in Kansas City, Kan., where Polish-American descendants filed a lawsuit Tuesday claiming the beloved Polski Day parade has been hijacked.

The official Polski Day committee received a jolt to the system in mid-March when a member applied for the May 5 parade permit and discovered it had already been issued to a non-Polish bar and restaurant owner.

Further fanning the flames? Instead of ending at St. Joseph-St. Benedict's church, the benefactor, the parade ends at the bar and grill — in the traditionally Croatian part of town. That's raising some Old World tensions.

Personally, I've always liked Polish people because I went to grade school with a lot of their kids and I was surprised they resented the Irish kids just as much as I did. White people are picky like that . . . Additionally, I just now learned that the word "Polack" is actually a derogatory slur. Strange because that's the term they always used to describe themselves . . . I guess self hate crosses cultures even if those light bulb jokes don't translate in other languages.

It's expensive to fight against cheap labor

It's costing Valley Park (outside STL) $80,000 in legal fees to crackdown on landlords who rent to undocumented immigrants. The mayor of the city vows to keep up his fight and bankrupt his small city in order to maybe get an appearance on Fox News. Solution: It would be much simpler and less expensive if anyone suspected of being an illegal immigrant (read: all Latinos) simply didn't have any rights at all and could be subjected to whatever crazy whim put forth by a politician!!!

The cure for your desire to donate to charity

Gateway to a Cure manager Carl Sengheiser has been indicted on fraud charges in connection with four raffles, including one in the Kansas City area, that raised $1.9 million.

A bridge too far . . .

Barnes delays vote on Red Bridge Road plan. I like these people. They have one of the best issues for the rights of neighborhoods in this city . . . And I'm certain they are going to lose despite some valiant efforts.

Game of skill

I'm impressed to see that local authorities are using the same strategy that seems to working in Iraq!!

The U.S. military used cards to capture Iraqi forces.

Now the KCPD is putting the victims of unsolved crimes on a deck of cards that will be distributed in local prisons.

Actually, I do like the new spin that the locals are putting on the card deck and acknowledging the victims of crime and making playing cards less enjoyable for inmates.

(No) Baby Love

Baby murder stories and other tales of trauma/drama involving kids are never a nice way to start the day . . . But here are a few that sadly caught my eye nonetheless:

Seems like you'd get more time for stealing a car: Man Will Spend Seven Years in Prison for Killing Baby

Man Sentenced to Six Years For Having Sex With Babysitter . . . The guy's baby's mama "encouraged them to be intimate because she was pregnant." Ugh. Talk about a recipe for postpartum depression. Note: Do women who aren't white get postpartum depression? When ever I see cases profiled in the news it's always a white broad who regrets having kids (???) I wonder if that's just ordinary media bias of if there is some kind of statistical evidence that reflects the phenomenon in much the same way that (the few remaining) Native Americans all have diabetes because of either genetic predisposition or the fact that fry bread is delicious.

Man Accused of Sex Crimes, Family Says It's a Lie

KCMO school district can't even teach kids the finer points of the concealed carry law: Tip Leads Police to Arrest of High School Student

Notice all of these stories come from KCTV5 so some new marketing data that reveals that scaring the crap out of you regarding what could be the fate of your children must somehow equal higher ratings. Seems plausible but sadly, I'm to busy hiding under my sheets in order do any research.

KCUR cleans up

KCUR recently won five regional Edward R. Murrow Awards for news coverage. (hat tip on the info to KCTalk) Nice to see our friends (hot chicks!!!) at KC Currents getting some recognition as well.

Reason #2,453 why light rail won't work: People hate trains

Amtrak has been stripped of nearly all its state funding by the House . . . The Senate could still save the day but it can't make more people want to ride the damn thing.

The Cauthen Countdown!!!

How long till Funkhouser fires the most powerful Black man in City Hall?

More money to be made turning in punks who shot an old man than by bank robbery

Dwight Mayhugh was working security at the UMB Bank near 79th Street and Wornall when gunman robbed the place and shot him in the process. He died of his wounds later. Now the FBI is upping the reward to 35k. I know there are a lot of "issues" related to turning somebody in but if you really want to piss off "the man" just provide Alonzo Washington with the tip.

Permanent St. Paddy's afterparty: Alleged Dunk broad cripples local dude for life

KSHB files an amazing reports regarding the perils of the amateur night we call St. Paddy's Day.

Here are the scary details: "Jimmy Bullard may never walk the same again. He was hit by a suspected drunk driver . . . The suspect is Megan Cook, 18. She allegedly was trying to dodge a DUI checkpoint. She remains in jail."

Damn, this story scares the crap out of me. It was a horrible accident and I only wonder if people will blame the (alleged) drunk driver, the fact that DUI checkpoints seem pretty dangerous in and of themselves and/or anyone daring to question that the St. Paddy's Day festivities weren't an unbridled success because there weren't mass shootings.

Public performers (non perv) okay, less talented poor people NO WAY!!!

City Council Passes Aggressive Panhandling Law . . . Politicians are now only people who can annoyingly pester everyone for public support.

Kansas City will now give all its cash to aging Crossroads Hipsters

So, thankfully a user-specific tax abatement program for artists in the Crossroads Arts District (might) mean that you don't have to pay taxes if you can hold a paintbrush, you're white and you have the right address.

Also, they're opening up a new bank in the ubercool district to take advantage of all the tax savings!!!

Nice.

I'm sure all these economic incentives are going to really help out this City or at least the people who cater to causal drug users who call themselves artists and/or folks who are in the business of selling hummus and moderate to expensive wine.

(Note: Does anybody know the name of that hosh-posh liquor store in the Crossroads? It actually seemed rather nice and if they carry Colt .45 then I'm in luck. There is nothing better than tax abated malt liquor. I wouldn't even mind giving my money to hipsters as long as my spare change is going to ensure white privilege and destroy my liver . . . Talk about Double bonus!!!)

Before they officially become losers

Kauffman Stadium Opens a Day Early: Fans are invited to watch Royals final workout Before the season begins.

Rich KC residents have problems too!!!

From KC Infozine: Keith A. Tucker paid $1.2 million to Kansas City under protest. Tucker then filed a petition seeking a refund of the payment, claiming he was not a resident of the City during the years he was assessed. Judge John M. Torrence of the Jackson County Circuit Court found that Tucker was a Kansas City resident, and rejected Tucker's claim that the earnings tax definition of "resident" was unconstitutionally vague.

The one time you're not in the mood

KC Blue Blog: Missouri AIDS Hotline Dials Phone Sex Line

A new King Maker in Kansas City

A nice video from local blogger Laz cites a new power in KC politics. Additionally, I didn't know Jeff Roe was fat. I like him even more now. A pro-Funk punchline but I have to say the vid was well executed even if it underplayed the importance of the McClatchy Media conglomerate and their poster boy in you corner:

A nice review of the old Governor

Boy I miss Bob Holden, almost as much as po'folk miss their Medicare. Thanks Baby Blunt! Anyway, John Combest comes up with this great update on what the former Missouri Gov. is up to nowadays and I'm always surprised how cordial Republicans are when there isn't a campaign on . . . Safe to say that (stereotypically) they're much nice than their liberal counterparts . . . Or at least that's my perception.

To do, during this Blue, rainy weekend:

This Weekend:

Rod Stewart at Kemper...
The Blue Man Group at Kemper...
KillSwitch Engage at The Beaumont...
Ronnie Baker Brooks At Knuckleheads...
Links to Blayney's, The Hurricane, Jerry's Bait Shop, O'Dowd's,
Barley's, 75th Street Brewery and lots more at the Event Driver's site

Blogger Backtalk: Keeping it all together

Some nice pics and a bit of insight into the Hall of Losers otherwise known as "The Royals Lockerroom"

The mere mention of Accurso's makes me hungry.

Better answers to the "book tag" then I could have given. Actually, I don't have any books and all my "reading material" is strangely stuck together. Ew.

An ode to Kansas City . . . And awesome post from a broad who's sadly moving away. Money line: "Instead of staying for the year it took my marriage to officially fall apart, I stayed for nine years."

Flossed . . . Fact: 2/3rds of you didn't vote and other news around the area

Another reason for me to worry . . . The Flogging of America (a product of the Flossing of America) is putting up some great stuff as of late.

A recent election analysis surprisingly revealed that all of Kansas City's problems didn't magically disappear the day after Mark Funkhouser was elected Mayor.

And I'm digging the daily roundups as well.

Check them out for yourself.

The Blogger's Paradox

Ah, yesterday's rant was way too long. I was afraid that nobody would read it, especially after Gregg cut really close to the bone with his insight and nearly nailed it.

Today, Cara has a pretty amazing post on the subject as well . . . And I'd like to thank her for her insight too. She's a much better blogger than I AND she gets to the point even quicker. Money line: "like a fat girl loves Twinkies."

Yeah!!!

I always get scared when some of you folks actually "get" it and worry that the joke is ruined. Still, I'm counting on the fact that there are way more people who would just rather call me a dweeb and keep on obsessively reading this site in order to do so.

Rock on.

Blogger turned splogger: Jerk Joe Miller trades credibility for cushy City Hall job

So, it turns out that I got played during this election . . . Let me share my side of the story:

The intro

This blog is about jokes. This blog is about making fun people in power because I'm basically powerless and this little pastime of mine is just about the only thing that keeps me from opening up my wrists during one of my rare instances of bathing.

I try to be merciless but I'm not a madman, I know all about laws concerning slander, copyright (fair use), libel and parody. Also, I advise everyone to stop reading this blog and I could really care less if any of you d-bags find my jokes, opinions or commentary funny.

The sitch

As the election got going I was pleased that Funkhouser moved into second place because the guy is ripe to make fun of . . . I'm sure he's nice but rumor has it that everybody called him Lurch behind his back at City Hall. And there's no funking end to the wordplay jokes with his name.

Naturally, I let loose with a few nasty posts and got a few decent responses to my mean spirited humor.

Then I get one e-mail after the next from Joe Miller . . . Typical blogger stuff. "Are you talking about me?" "Why are you so mean?" "You just don't get it." The kind of thing I usually ignore if it wasn't for the fact that I've went out to dinner a few times with Joe and I've even seen the inside of his house. The e-mails went on for a week and we agreed to meet for coffee to talk about future "Mayor Funky."

Why? Well, as you may have already guessed: I have no friends. I openly admit that I have a pretty sad and miserable existence (that I'm thankful for nonetheless). When I get work, it's usually stuff that I do in front of the computer and to be honest: It gets down right lonely in my mom's basement.



So I actually entertained the thought of lightening up on Funkhouser for my "buddy" as the election drew near. And believe it or not . . . I did. All my anti-Funkhouser comments were far more tame than I had ever planned. My reaction to all the blogger cheerleading was disgust and I was just waiting to let loose . . . And while I did note my feelings on the matter, I never really posted as many nasty things as I wanted to . . .

The Future

However, a brief mention of Miller in a Star article today regarding Mayor Funky's plans for his new administration clues me into the fact that I was expertly played for a sucker and my lenience on the Funkhouser campaign served only to provide Miller with a stepping stone to a pretty decent career in politics . . .

Q: Who is going to be advising you — who is going to be on your staff?

A: We haven’t worked out details yet. Ed Wolf (longtime public works director who retired in 2003) will probably be a significant player. … Joe Miller (former Pitch writer and a Funkhouser campaign spokesman) will be a significant voice in the mayor’s office.

Yeah, I got played . . . In much the same way that all of those Black kids that Miller documented in his book didn't get much out of the deal except for the details of their lives being callously broadcast to millions of NPR listeners and the pleasure of being portrayed in a typical white fantasy in which liberals who "get" the Black experience single-handedly act as saviors of the "po'Black chillens" and do so much more for them than self-determination or a stable family unit ever could. I only hope those kids got a piece of the book money as well. Oh, I'm sure there might be a few of you rushing to Miller's defense but I should also note that his protégé Marcus Leach often asks people not to mention his appearance in the book because he's seemingly a bit embarrassed of being stereotypically lumped into the simplistic "downtrodden, Black kid with a heart of gold" category that gets so many white liberals mugged when they should be (justifiably according to statistics) clutching their purses and or wallets. (Note: My evidence for this statement comes from a chance encounter with Leach, in which I asked him if he was one of "Joe's Kids" and he kind of shrugged it off and blushed a little bit . . . Which is a feat for any Black dude - He could have been blowing me off (no homo) because I'm an asshole but the response seemed genuine).

ANYWAY . . .

During the quick meeting at Coffee Girls I asked Joe about the possible conflicts regarding his new career . . . He gave me some spiel about "participatory journalism."

That works for me . . . I'm sure it's the same thing Dick Morris tells himself at night.

Thing is, I don't like lackeys no matter what they call themselves.

And as much as I need friends . . . It would just be a gigantic sellout for me to take it easy on Funkhouser for the next four years just because Joe Miller is a good guy. Especially given the fact that I'm not getting anything out of it AND documenting Funkhouser's failures (of which there will undoubtedly be many that won't be all his fault) is basically what this blog is for . . . So, if that costs me a "friendship" which I was never quite sure was there in the first place. Then so be it.

A lonely basement dwelling blogger I may be but it's not even worth running this blog if the opinions and jokes don't belong to me.

Witchy Woman



I'm kicking myself big time for failing to mention the RUMORS regarding Gloria Squirto's (Funkhouser's wife) alleged association with Wiccan forces . . . That's an old media trick that works in this situation, I don't know Squirto, I don't care about her but I am reporting the fact that there are RUMORS about her involvement with Tarot cards, local witches and the like . . . While I'm not surprised that The Star didn't include the mention of this speculation in their article about the wives of the candidates . . . I'm surprised not one local blogger ran with the RUMOR. I figured it would be one of many things I didn't post

A new day of sunshine...
Submitted by ntheno to the KC Buzz Blog on March 25, 2007 - 9:39pm.

Yes! a new day of sunshine...That is one way of looking at it... It sounds like Mark may be getting his advice from his wife (with the help of Tarot cards.. ) Did I read that article right, I had to reread. Even the KC Star was shocked! Is she channeling Abe's wife or is it an latent acid trip.. I am frightened. And my guess is, I am not alone.

This keeps getting stranger and stranger, and I for one am longing for the good ole days of Stan Glazer. He had bigger ideas and a less crazy family...... Also any else hear about the Wiccan rumors???? This is getting better and better. Below is a text of the Squitior Wiccan religion.." Sign me up, is the headquarters going to be next to the new Scientology campus at the KC Star facility. You can either laugh or cry at this... I personally am beside myself.

Come to think of it, I don't feel sleazy at all for posting this because I think a real alternative opinion source allows for ALL viewpoints AND . . . The superstitions that I subscribe to are in direct conflict with all of that Tarot card nonsense. When I ask what the Big JC would do . . . I come to the conclusion that he might not have much sympathy for witchcraft and would want to give everyone the opportunity to denounce it. Can I get an Amen?! And Hallelujah! Also, if these rumors are off base, they merely represent an opportunity for "the campaign manager" of the winning candidate to come clean and tell us that she has never taken part in a Tarot card reading.

BUT I just regret that I didn't REPORT THE RUMOR given that I'm sure at least one thousand voters might have had wanted to know whether or not WITCHCRAFT played a role in the home life of the Mayor.

So, I'm a bit sorry that I overlooked this aspect of the campaign simply for some misguided attempt at friendship.

AFTERMATH

And now it's all out there . . . I don't feel like I'm stifling my joke blog by pulling punches anymore . . . There was no reason to do it if there wasn't going to be a payday. And honestly, I don't have any faith in Funkhouser as a Mayor and undoubtedly the dude would never make a difference in my life.

So, congratulations on your cushy job Joe!!! I don't want to maintain the illusion of friendship because I just don't think it's possible when I consider it a priority, as long as I'm taking in breath to question and pester and cause (jokey) problems for people in power.

I think we had a good run, I filed some pretty nice posts in your favor but your new position (no homo) now puts us in direct opposition. Is this all jealousy? Sure, why not. From what I've read on the local internets, anything less than full fledged support for Funkhouser is tantamount to heresy (very much like witchcraft to us Cath-o-holics).

I hope that you'll shake my hand if I ever see you again. I even invite you to keep on sending cutesy e-mails to my girlfriend and keep her on your "long plan" if the new marriage doesn't work out.

But the truth is . . . I don't have pals when it comes to politics. And I'm through playing nice with newly elected neophytes who pose just as great of a threat to this city as the outgoing bunch of corrupt Council people.

A brave child

These statues aren't exactly new, in fact Conan riffed on these quasi-religious artifacts a few years ago but they still make me laugh. I hadn't seen this one in awhile but it just makes me wonder: "What kind of kid would have the guts to tackle Jesus?"

Also, I think the artist is risking eternal damnation by depicting Jesus throwing a lateral pass like a girl . . . If you're asking me "what would Jesus do" when it comes to football . . . I see him as either as field General John Elway type OR if he was forced to hand over the ball (for our sins), I'm guessing he would pitch it masterfully like the glory days of the Oklahoma Sooners when they used to run the wishbone.

Neal Boortz: "Kansas City was sooo much more than I expected!"

The Libertarian talker and writer was recently a guest of KMBZ and a quick blog post from him makes it seem like his visit went rather well . . . Apparently, they put him up at the Intercontinental. So expect Mike Shanin to be a little more cranky than usual once he gets word of the extra special treatment given the fact that homegrown conservatives in KCMO usually get treated like an annoying step-sister.

Dan Savage and Gay/Jewish relations on the KU Campus . . . Non porn

An excellent post local blog Red Letter Day regarding Pride Week. Here's the money quote referencing a scheduling mix-up that's led to some mixed feelings about the event: "It is inexcusable that a student organization dedicated to fighting against the marginalization of one minority would schedule its keynote event of the year in such a way that they in turn marginalize a different minority."

Let the annual "beg fest" begin!!!

The folks over at KC Talk don't seem to be too thrilled about the pledge drive season over at the publicly supported stations . . . Personally, I'm always a bit annoyed that the best programming always comes on during this time of year as well. Still, I always watch the whole thing BECAUSE when I learn how to get money and support from white liberals (just like my new mayor) then I might be able to improve my station in life or at least do something with this fish tank here in my mom's basement.

The X-man's monster travel review

I like this local blogger's style and this epic, novel travel review is on my list of things to read . . . I'm going to print it out and read it on the toilet but it seems pretty interesting and I'll probably never make it though my microscopically fecal matter encrusted copy of "War and Peace" so this post will make an even better distraction.

"Your new mayor is rather ugly."

An average election conversation from local blog General Blather.

TKC Model of the moment: Local writer has the power of the pen and pose

All right, here is one more reason for me feel cheated about my Communication Studies degree from UMKC . . . There were never any chicks as hot as 31 year-old local model and writer Caroline on (my) staff.

It's just not fair! I've worked in a few small newsrooms in the Kansas City area and my female colleagues were almost always nerdy grad students or empty-nesters doing a much better job to compete for 30 buck stringing assignments than I ever could.

Only now have I seen the exception . . . Had I taken a decade to complete my college degree (not unheard of at UMKC) I would have discovered this smoking hot "culture writer" churning out quite a few interesting stories at the Unews.



Alas, I had to finish the degree quickly in order to get out in the workforce and find that my options were either Target OR Wal-mart . . . And the UNews (at the time) was comprised completely of white English majors who didn't want to hear any of my mindless regurgitation of Stuart Hall or how pretty much everything boils down to Race, Class and/or Gender. So needless to say that I never got a chance at my old college paper and instead I spent a little time writing for KC Hispanic News where my real world media education taught me that female journalists are either hopelessly inept and boring OR they do all of their important "research" on their backs in order to garner career advancement.

Anyway, all this time has past and I think I've found the exception to the lessons I've learned over the course of my (failed) career in reporting or at the very least I'm happy to gaze upon a broad who is hot enough so that I can forget about my jealousy and misogyny for just a few moments.

Slogans for the city . . . Also, Emaw is a better blogger than TKC

Local blogger Emaw riffs on the "new slogan for KC contest" put together by the Star. My favorite: Kansas City: Jazz + Funk = Junk.

This is probably the best thing I could find on the local net that didn't include gloating over another man's glory . . . Which is kinda the ghey. Now I'm back to recharging my batteries (i.e. more online MILF porn).

Funk You Kansas City!!!

Nearly everybody who has a blog is going to provide an analysis of last night's election that will most likely be horribly misleading AND neglect the fact that the only thing Mark Funkhouser did was unite every white person in this city against the Black voting bloc in this town . . . And no matter what the ill-informed local media might report . . . The Funkhouser campaign was NOT A GRASSROOTS EFFORT unless the McClatchy media conglomerate has taken a bigger hit in the market because of declining newspaper ad revenue than has been recently reported.

But I digress . . . The point here is that there was nothing new about Funky's campaign . . . By the way, one of his many new nicknames will now be "Funky" so that we can finally dispense with the booty kissing by every blogger who ever referred to him as "The Funk." Those days are over now given that this first time political office holder will most likely sell out all of the various political constituencies that backed him and will undoubtedly struggle to build any kind of consensus considering that he won the election by little more than one thousand votes.

Additionally, there will be a temptation to declare this "a victory for local blogs!" but, The Star's endorsement of Funkhouser was much more important than the Internet cheering section which did little to influence any candidate's campaign other than provide free PR and a notable lack of any critical thinking or analysis. That's the only part of this election that really bums me out . . . Every blog that commented on the race for Mayor merely resorted to simplistic (and mindless) flag waving . . . Few bloggers wanted to analyze any part of this race . . . They simply wanted to back a winner. Really, the commentary from local blogs regarding the Mayoral race was a waste of bandwidth. All of this amazing freedom . . . To do or write almost anything imaginable and most of what I read was nothing more than slogans and the repeating of stump speeches and talking points. Its was kind of sad really.

But I can't say that the Internet pundits were any worse than the rest of this city . . . And don't get it twisted, I wasn't an Alvin Brooks supporter but I will tell you that I don't feel bad that I wrote in a vote for Charles Wheeler anymore . . . And even that doesn't matter. What's important about Funkhouser's victory his first time out (with the help of his friends at The Star) is that the aftermath of this decision has just started and right now I have just a few highlights of what Kansas City really accomplished last night:

Ignored the topic of crime completely.

Turned our back on this town's public schools by backing Funkhouser's laughable flip-flopping and ill-informed statements on the matter.

Supported a first time politician with absolutely no record of civic or community involvement and little to no close contacts in those areas.

Assured that The Sprint Center will remain without an anchor tenant given that Funkhouser's dour persona is sure to kill any and every bit of excitement regarding the new facility.

Ran the TIF issue into the ground and undeniably created a hostile environment toward investment by big business in this city. I certainly don't want to advocate for corporate interests but I will admit that they have more money than flaky college grad students.

And the list goes on . . . But I doubt the euphoria from the Funkhouser camp has had a chance to fade yet . . . It will take a while (3 months) to realize that the guy is pretty much powerless when it comes to this town's tiny media market, macro economic forces, the social and political climate of this country on the verge of losing another war or the ongoing neglect of the violent deaths of young, Black men on the Eastside that his campaign seemed to capitalize on . . . Seriously, one of the key issues that was never discussed is how poverty, crime and violence are inherently unappealing topics of discussion and Funkhouser's expert dodging of all these issues was undoubtedly part of his success. Funny thing is . . . These problems don't go away just because the mayor doesn't talk about them (Country Club Kay proved that) or because few bloggers bother to post about them . . . They only get worse and the problems have only grown worse ast time goes on -- no matter how many people west of Troost want to address anything but the sad subject.

So, I never had much hope for Brooks and I don't have any faith in Funkhouser . . . What I am looking forward to is that my upcoming entertainment (other than the Sopranos) will consist mainly of watching this guy make one mistake after the next just as any brand new politico might AND watching the inevitable disappointment of his supporters as they somehow never learned that nobody should put so much faith in a politician.

Lurching forward!!!

Funkhouser Takes Early Lead In Mayoral Race.

Update: The South KC votes are just now starting to come in . . . The big lead is disappearing but it's still really close. Funkhouser still commands the top spot.

Crime WILL rise in Kansas City

Not only because there hasn't been any candidate or local politico to seriously deal with the issue but also because Missouri officials are going to stop fudging with the numbers . . . Finally, I wonder what stat "shooting nobody" falls under.

Sadly, most collision insurance doesn't cover crazy girlfriends

Woman Rams Car Outside of Boyfriend's House

Today's local porn panic: Computer "skills" to blame

Fifth-Grader Disciplined for Accessing Porn

Another career for chicken little in KC!!!

Local blogger Emaw has the details and he's already in the running but apparently they are "looking for a new weather dude/wench" at channel 9. I'm sure there are a lot of benefits to the position other than being in close proximity to Kelley Eckerman but I don't care about them . . . I'm also getting my audition tape ready but sadly, I'm reviewing it right now and it looks a lot like something that Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs might have put together.

So, how many times did you vote today?

Actually, I just voted once but they were so happy to see me . . . Like most people they decided to go crazy with the stickers.

Normally, my polling place is jam packed all day . . . Talking with the (annoying) poll workers outside they told me that traffic was decent but nothing special. However, I did notice an afternoon rush (less than a dozen people) that quickly threw the poll workers into a frenzy.

So . . . I'm not about to make predictions, because I don't care . . . BUT I will note that the Westside is a sea of orange that seems to be pretty much in favor of Funkhouser.

The only thing worth voting for today

Hat tip: The D

Amanda is a broad from this area who is hoping to be one of Maxim's Hometown Hotties once again . . . Because she's got an amazing bod and likes to show it . . . I'd like to give her my full endorsement (all 3 inches) but I've got a lot of other more important stuff on my mind right now.

However, I want to encourage you to vote for her because she seems nice and recently I've been thinking that not only are almonds underrated as a nut but also that brunettes don't get enough credit for being beautiful . . . Heaven knows I have a thing for blondes (again, 3 inches) but I remember that some of my most early fixations were on brunettes like Princess Leia and the old, hard drinking girlfriend of Indiana Jones (Karen Allen).

Truly, these were broads who weren't just about the bleach in a bottle of hair dye or some ditzy and/or desperate pose . . . Their rich, brown hair was just the beginning of their bold sensuality that often goes unappreciated along with another overlooked fact -- because these broads are sometimes less "in demand" they don't mind being on top and doing most of the work (double bonus!!!) during sex.





Damn, I guess those throwdown/showdown blonde vs. brunette commercials have worked their way into my subconscious . . . (Note: Tecate and TV don't mix)

But I digress . . .

The point here is that, just like a wonderbra, if I'm gonna support something it's going to be women's breasts.

And it's not like you needed my help anyway . . . If there's one thing that KC voters have had a lot of practice doing - It's picking the lesser evil . . . And no matter what your political stance, that pretty much accounts for nearly every race that I've seen with the notable exception of Dee Williams.

So I'm not making any endorsements in this election because there hasn't been one politico who has inspired me half as much as a half naked white woman. Funkhouser or Brooks and most of the City Council candidates haven't really addressed the problems facing this city or proposed any detailed solutions so I'm sure their time in office will be just as inconsequential as their insipid campaigns . . . It just really doesn't make a difference to me in much the same way that I doubt all of the crime and murders in this town, the potholes in the street, the ignored neighborhoods, long neglected water infrastructure and empty Sprint Center won't be resolved any time soon no matter who wins . . . In the end, it's still up to the residents of this town to keep up with and press those issues and sadly . . . (and I'm just as guilty here) the local blogosphere has proven to be nothing more substantial than a cheering section.

And there you have it, once again . . . Babes in bikinis are much more important that whatever happens today concerning the election. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

Only people who can afford digital cameras will be able to "capture the essence of area communities"

So I guess that a recent project sponsored by the KC chapter of the American Institute of Architects is yet another kind of online social experiment that I don't get . . . Just like I've been pretty lucky to avoid herpes when it comes to online dating. Anyway, I have no idea how snapshot.org differs from Flickr but they're going to have some forums which may or may not explain the need for hipster photography and grandiose notions about pointing a camera and snapping a pic. So be sure to check out the site in order to "contribute to the discourse" (otherwise known as "talking").

Hard to get excited about small turnout

This is what it looks like when The Star tries to sex up their headlines. Unfortunately, I have a headache and their recent small attempts at humor have nearly taken all of the fun out of the Funkhouser campaign. Still, the question behind the cute article is valid: Today's race will be all about turnout and which ever group brings more folks to polls (nullus) will probably find themselves happy in the end. Ew.

If only a massive crowd of suckers was as profitable as a decent media market

NFL: Chiefs rank No. 3 for attendance

Missouri House: Racial profiling of all Hispanics okay!!!

House votes to require police to check immigration status

Looky here: In other news

Please, sweet Jesus don't cut off that donation money. Candor is the path to cash for local pastors after the Johnston scandal jeopardized the collection plate: "Area houses of worship are welcoming discussion of that most earthly of issues — money."

A tragedy if one of them doesn't have a rich daddy: Teens Vandalize Neighborhood . . . Also, this was the top story yesterday at 5. WTF?

If you watch any form of TV long enough something interesting will happen: Store Camera Catches Man Getting Hit by Car

So expensive it'll make you forget all about net neutrality: Sprint Nextel will bring WiMAX to KC in 2008

Bad tidings: Hallmark reports lower revenue, earnings

Poet, social activist and positive rapper is the best recipe for poor I've heard all day

Present Magazine posts a great interview and photo of KCK rapper Vigalantee and I only wonder if his music is even half as good as his insights and inspirational message . . . In much the same way that I'm all about the Big JC but most of the pop music on his behalf is pretty awful.

From one bad melodrama to the next

Man Laid Off From Sprint Finds Gig on ABC's "General Hospital."

Advance cremation part of recent KC Murder Scene

Police: 2 Tied Up Inside Burning Building

New blog: American Hell

From the same artist, blogger who brought you Irish KC and the ensuing hilarious (magically delicious?) posts like a recent rundown of Irish Parental advice. Good stuff that I'm soon to add to the blogroll. Check it. Quick and to the point and reminds me a bit of toothpaste for dinner.

Kansas City's conservatives come out for Funkhouser in full force

My favorite local conservative blogger LMC has a great take on today's local election that's definitely worth reading.

Even better . . . She pointed me toward a recent piece by my least favorite local Mexican hater Jack Cashill who also seems to be jumping on the Funkhouser bandwagon and decrying Democrat and minority voting blocs.

Of course there are the obvious (and deserved) swipes at local political group ACORN in his column but he typically overlooks Republican "voter harvesting" of the same ilk and would (mis)lead his readers to believe that all those dirty darkies on the Eastside of town are the only people who want to game the system. Clearly, the guy has never heard of Karl Rove, Diebold or many of the same dirty Republican tricks that attempt to sway the vote in their favor as well.

Sad thing is . . . Cashill isn't even being creative in his writing and is instead relying on what has already been labeled as part of "the Republican obsession with voter fraud conspiracies."

And while I'm no fan of the crazy nutjobs at ACORN signing up their dead relatives to vote . . . It's worth noting that so many conservatives are simply crying wolf over what they seem to be labeling as "a vast conspiracy among Democrats and minorities" while ignoring their own well documented instances of voter suppression that are still being pursued in the Show-Me state as recently as last year.

Interesting fact about Cashill's crying wolf: "No evidence has ever been presented that these registrations have ever been the cause of any illegal votes."

However, what's more important today is that Funkhouser is teaming up with these conservative forces in order to further strengthen his coalition of white people.

It strikes me as funny because I know a great many people in the Funkhouser camp are dyed in the wool liberal Democrats that would find most of the ideologies of Cashill and his ilk repugnant but they want the support, the votes regardless of the motives and now it's far too late and much too close of a race to risk alienating anybody.

Some people might call this consensus . . . But they would only be folks (like Funkhouser) who have absolutely no experience in politics.

Actually, I'm not surprised . . . Conservatives, liberals, Democrats and Republicans have previously jumped into bed with each other when it comes to waging a war against the civilians in Iraq the terrorists or trying to stop all those damn Mexicans who want menial labor jobs.

Cashill offers a scathing description that I'm sure is accurate regarding those in control of the Black voting bloc in Kansas City but I'm pretty sure this kind of thing goes on in every place where there is money to be had by peddling influence regardless of race. Still, the message is loud and clear and while I'm sure many in the Funkhouser camp would disavow the clearly bigoted depiction . . . You won't hear a peep out of them till after election time . . . Check it:

In the inner city, vote harvesting kills reform in its tracks, and the people were there to protest that. Unfortunately for these citizens, however, both of the would-be prosecutors had eagerly sought the machine’s endorsement and weren't overly squeamish about how it harvested votes.

In 1994, Nat Helms, then the spokesman for the effort to legalize gambling in Missouri, approached a group of ministers actively associated with this same harvesting machine. They had been preaching that gambling was bad for the community.

Helms, who later publicly regretted his actions, tells what happened next:

"We went to them and said, ‘what is it going to take for you to change your message? Nothing convinced them of anything. So we said, 'what about a million dollars?' Well, that worked. Next week, gambling is good. Gambling is good for Kansas City. They got posters out, they got their ward workers out."

People change their mind when money is on the table? Shocking!!!

Anyway . . .

The strange bedfellows that have united in order to defeat Brooks should signal that the Funkhouser camp isn't a group reformers set out to "clean up" City Hall . . . During this race, they've proven themselves to be nothing more than your average KC politicos . . . Ducking important issues, flip-flopping, casting aside their beliefs for a bigger cross-section of voters, relying on big media and big money just as much as their opposition and ultimately what should be noted is that (despite propaganda to the contrary) Funkhouser is simply another brand of politician and just as much a part of very same corrupt political system that Cashill describes in his column.

Tower in Westport

Found this great photo set on Flickr that belongs to a guy who goes by the handle of bynk . . . He has a bunch of other shots of places all over and around Kansas City but for some reason the set dedicated to Westport stands out the most to me . . . Westport is often overlooked in KC but the place has always felt like the real heart of this town to me and I like the fact that it's way more trashy than Brookside or the Plaza . . . Anyway, take a look at the photos for yourself . . . They are pretty decent and strangely soothing.

Transformation

I guess there is hope for the future . . . At least as far as upcoming movies goes. I know it goes against my principles (heh) but I'd be willing to even stand in line in order to see the upcoming transformers movie . . . Seriously, my sister's wedding is around the same time and I honestly don't know if I'll be able to make it if the scheduling conflicts with this upcoming cinematic masterpiece.

Sorry sis, a man has to have priorities.

Race Card Report: "The Black Part of Town"

OR . . . The Funkhouser camp doesn't know how to talk . . . OR . . . Brooks relying on Jesse Jackson campaign techniques . . . OR . . . Please God I can't wait till this election is over:

Apparently, Funkhouser's wife used this term in an e-mail she sent out recently AND earlier today when talking with Darla Jaye -- Funkhouser referred to someplace on the Eastside as "The Black Part of town" . . . Apparently, that's the language that they use at home in much the same way my family refers to me as "Fancy boy" when nobody else is around.

But I digress . . .

Brooks is exploiting this small misstep . . . It means virtually nothing BUT it is undoubtedly a dismissive way to talk about an entire community . . . Interesting side note: KSHB is covering this story and they "actually talked to some Black people!!!" and most of them claimed that they were a bit disappointed that Brooks chose to take that route . . . Anyway, this last bit of election news is probably exemplifies why I could care less who wins and how nothing in Kansas City has really changed as much as folks would like to think . . .

IT'S A TIE!!!

Brooks and Funkhouser in dead heat:

Each candidate received 48% in the poll, conducted over the weekend. Nine-hundred people were polled with 526 identified by SurveyUSA as likely to vote. The poll has a 4.4% margin of error . . . Quick facts: Surveys historically undercount Black people, My prediction (usually wrong) this thing is so close it will resemble the 2000 presidential election and will be resolved by the person who most effectively "thugs their way" into office . . . Advantage to the Brooks camp on that one. Also, no matter what I think we're looking at a one term mayor given that fact that nobody has a clear consensus here AND the candidates seem to be overlooking or simply paying lip service to the most important issues in this town . . . Which will no doubt get worse because both contenders have shown they'd rather play politics than deal with anything real. Also, all of Country Club Kay's failures will come to fruition on the watch of the next man in charge . . . So politically, they'll be left with the blame. One last thing, white liberals are better at losing . . . And more accustomed to it.

Local blog anomaly: "Alvin Brooks Is the Best Choice for Mayor of Kansas City"

I read KC blogs, I read KC blogs more than anybody and so far this is the FIRST AND ONLY Brooks endorsement I've come across from all of you white people . . . That, in and of itself is worth noting.

"Do I vote for some dude or some chick."

The best analysis I've read of the 4th District race I've read so far. Really, this is more reflective of how people really decide how to vote than anything I've read from pundits AND it's still more articulate than the electronic signal from the computer chip in the back of the head that signals members of local political clubs and PACs on how to vote.

Robbery the other way around: People who don't know anything about statistics take their revenge

Late Night Robbery at Harrah's

Kansas moving closer to more easily allowing you to lose your kid's college fund

Kansas House OKs Bill For Casinos, Slots

KC Zoo soon to resemble convalescent home

Koalas are coming to the Kansas City Zoo. They've been her before . . . A little known fact about koala's: Just like women with horrible cases of depression, they sleep 18 to 22 hours a day . . . So while checking them out you might get a decent look at their back or maybe quick glance with half of their eye open . . . The "exhibit" should perfectly compliment all of the tigers at the KC Zoo with feline AIDS as the Friends of the Zoo seem to be turning the place into a charity for unexciting and sick animals that I'd rather not look at . . . A better idea: Let the visitors hunt for their own gazelles!!! That would not only increase traffic at the place but also help to pay for yet another KC attraction that's always bleeding money.

I got the idea while I was losing a fight with one of those free range kangaroos that roam around some of the abandoned section at the back of the Zoo . . . To this day I wonder why they let those things run around like that and I'm still surprised by the fact that they can really box.

Crooks still infest KC cRap scene

Years after the hipsters at The Pitch stopped caring about any other rap music in this town that didn't pander to hipsters . . . There is still a very strong element in the Kansas City rap scene that is tied to violence and crime according to Alonzo Washington . . . Here's an excerpt of what could be Mr. Washington's best posts in as much as it reports what most people in KC overlook:

I found out about the local rap group called the Block Mobster Coalition who's CD profiled real life homicides & beat downs. Furthermore, the KCMO Police Department & Feds are now saying that the local gang war is connected to the local KC rap & hip hop music business. Now, I am aware that many local rappers are not crooks. However, there is a sub-culture of young drug dealers who want to be rap stars. These ballers have enough money to produce local rap CD's. Most of them suck!!!

First of all, surprisingly I've heard some of the music put out by BMC and I have to agree with Alonzo . . . They are pretty awful . . . You can listen for yourself and then breath a quick sigh of relief given that hip-hop CD sales are down 21 percent and ITUNES and other online retailers ARE NOT MAKING UP THE DIFFERENCE . . . Put simply, cRap music is a dying art form . . . Which ironically has still managed to lead to a slew of deaths in KC . . . Still, I can't really lament its passing too much given that cRap music didn't have half the longevity of Jazz and it's performers were rarely talented and in KC so many of the ones with any streed cred proved to be little more than common criminals . . . And that still hasn't helped their sales or career!!!