The TKC Saturday Night Podcast: The search for Shauntay and the runaway slave theme

I'm no expert, but recently I've been reminded that there is a bit of a historical archetype when it comes to Black people on the run in this country.

From The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to the current search for Shauntay Henderson that is set to air on America's Most Wanted any minute now . . . There seems to be a theme that has developed over centuries regarding Black people on the run. Of course, the details, their alleged innocence and/or guilt have always made for good stories, causes and political issues BUT the fact remains . . . Guilty or Innocent . . . Over the course of this country's history . . . The tales of Black people running from the authorities have captivated this country's imagination and they have also inspired tonight's podcast. These are the most popular songs that come to mind when I think about Shauntay on the run and hope that the search comes to an amicable resolution.



Of course a female fugitive evokes an even greater level of interest but from what I've read regarding Shauntay . . . She doesn't seem very lady like.



But, as I noted previously, cops and robbers movies have become ingrained in the culture and songs about folks on the run have always been popular.



At first I didn't want to include 100 Miles and Runnin' on tonight's podcast because it reminds me of what a stupid kid I was . . . But thinking back, what I didn't realize is that the music that mesmerized me was nothing more than a show . . . Once again I was fooled into thinking that hard lyrics and tough poses translated into power. Sadly, only years later did I realize that all of my rap heroes were simply performers and their tall tales should have simply been taken in stride and not emulated . . . Not that I ever got in much trouble but I sure did waste far too much money on entertainment and stupid clothing.



Anyway, the reality is that life on the run isn't one bit glamorous if prison memoirs and second hand accounts are in the least bit accurate. So often there's an attempt to glamorize any tense situation as long as it's far away . . . It seems that everything from war to criminal activity has become a spectator sport. In someways that's helpful, but I'm sure for the most part it's counter productive.

Still, tonight Shauntay Henderson's case goes national and I'm not ashamed to note that I've been more than a little interested in the outcome. Sooner or later I'm sure KC's bald, broad fugitive will realize that it's time to stop running, there are even people who have offered to help her surrender but certainly it's clear that the chase is about to come to an end.

Update: They caught Shauntay . . . Only minutes before the America's Most Wanted Episode featuring her was even aired but not before I posted this podcast.

You're welcome.

Will loosening the purse strings turn things around for KC's beloved local losers?

A recent(ish) AP story claims that Dayton Moore damn near got on his hands and knees (no homo?) and begged David Glass for more money in order to garner a better pitching staff coupled with a request to keep the owner's son of dugout affairs.

Kansas City at the epicenter of the worldwide "24 hour prayer movement"

I recently came across a bit of background on the folks at the International House of Prayer (IHOP) . . . I drive past it from time to time and a few weeks ago you can imagine my dismay when I walked through the doors of the place drunk, hungry and covered with stripper glitter and instead of pancakes I was forced to listen to a a tirade about turning my life around . . . ANYWAY, apparently the folks behind these storefronts have setups all over the world and even an African ministry called "Love Mercy". Other than that I don't know much about them other than their name is a bit misleading AND If I'm to believe Russell Simmons: The best way to help all the starving babies and exploited people in Africa is to buy more diamonds!!!

Oldest Marine to serve in Iraq (60) has retirement party in Kansas City

His service spanned 40 years and two wars . . . He eventually served in the same unit as his son . . . Fox 4 has the story and video.

Your taxes for the trucking industry

KMBZ reports: "Republican transportation leaders in the Legislature called Thursday for increasing taxes at least $4 billion to pay for interstate highway upgrades. Rep. Neal St. Onge proposed raising taxes to provide dedicated truck lanes on Interstate 70, upgraded ports . . . Sen. Bill Stouffer, R-Napton, already has proposed making dedicated truck lanes on Interstates 44 and 70, using a 1-cent sales tax from 2009-2018 that would raise $7.2 billion."

They're proposing more taxes on gas as well in what I'm assuming to be an attempt to help the British push gas to at least 5 bucks a gallon sometime in the next two years.

The Great White North

One of my first lessons about politics came when I was a kid . . . Emanuel Cleaver was the first African-American Mayor of Kansas City and upon his victory I was naively impressed with that fact . . . However, things didn't stay cordial long after he came to power. Only months after he took office, Northland residents were up in arms because one of his first acts was to try and place a (most likely toxic) dump for the City up North. Older KC residents might remember this . . . It was about 15 years ago (obviously, I can't find a link).

Anyway, folks up North were upset at what was obviously a political reprisal . . . They fought tooth and nail, they were fuming mad and I think in the end they even got the size of the waste site reduced but the lesson was clear . . . There is clearly a price to pay for any political support or lack thereof.

Additionally, there is also a HUGE BENEFIT for backing the right pony. And now the tables have turned to the advantage of the Northland.

Most people know this kind of stuff without being told and it's really only common sense to see that people who supported Mark Funkhouser for Mayor are going to want to cash in while those who opposed him (Hello Eastside!) are going to be left out in the cold. Arguing otherwise is not only extremely naive but it also subverts the very nature of Democracy (as do all disagreements with TKC).

Anyway, today The Star accurately (for once) notes that the Northland stands to make some significant gains for their overwhelming and some say (I do at least) "racially motivated and suspect" support of Mark Funkhouser.

Count Northland residents as potentially winning big after Tuesday’s elections in Kansas City.

Residents north of the river soon may have more luck tapping into City Hall for money to build new roads, expand park amenities and invest in repairs for older neighborhoods . . . Northland voters provided former city auditor Mark Funkhouser a crucial edge in his mayoral victory. He won more than 70 percent of the vote in the parts of Clay and Platte counties that are in Kansas City.

I believe the phrase is: "To the victor go the spoils" but it's hard to argue that suburban-living, supermarket-mecca-having, SUV-driving Northland residents aren't spoiled enough.

I'd argue that South KC needs far more attention but a Funkhouser press conference during the last week, and some handshaking placated the Southland well enough to soften the blow of the edge Alvin Brooks had in this area despite his own negligence of backing Chuck Eddy's scheme to turn the place into a truck stop. But that's all hindsight now . . .

What's important to understand is that everybody is now lining up to get a piece of Mark Funkhouser's administration . . . After a close race like this one, everybody claims it was their support that provided the edge.

Here's a quick list of who Funkhouser has to payback big time or face an even LOWER voter turnout and possible rebuke in his next bid (and there is no doubt this guy is all about using Kansas City as a stepping stone for a greater political career):

La Raza . . . I'm biased here but I also know there are plenty of Latinos who think they pushed Funkhouser over the top. With 67% support among Hispanics and an important and news-making endorsement (ugh) from La Raza Political Club . . . You could probably make a somewhat reasonable case that they made a difference. Still, I wonder if Funkhouser will hire any more Hispanics at City Hall other than the lackeys that he's already got in his camp? The local Latino community is usually pretty harsh about having tokens sent their way but I've had my own issues dealing with an entitlement culture that is often present in minority communities. Buena Suerte to the big man in trying to overcome this hurdle!

The ghey community . . . Nearly every the ghey political group came out for Funkhouser in a move that probably didn't embarrass their family in that instance at least. I don't even think Brooks tried to impress these folks or he would have risked his religious base. I don't know how Funkhouser is going pay back these folks for the support but they are EXPECTING some RECIPROCATION since they definitely had his back. Ewwwwwww.

The GREAT WHITE NORTH - Yeah, Funkhouser might as well move his headquarters to one of the empty shops in Metro North Mall . . . He owes everything to this part of town and if there isn't some major payback . . . Cops, streets, infrastructure and appearances then he won't last long . . . Thing is, Mayor Kay has sent a decent amount of (TIF) money "up there" already and despite the mostly well-behaved Meth addicts -- That part of town is pretty nice . . . What this means is that Funk will have to continue constant support of this hood and consequently CONTINUE TO IGNORE the problems of the Eastside. That's how he got elected and what will keep him in office but few can argue that it's in the best interest of the city.

So, the postscript to this election is simple: Suburbanites win BIG. Even the (JOCO) Star thinks so . . . Still, a messenger boy for the cookie cutter houses and suburbanites up North is hardly the "grassroots" revolution that Funkhouser camp sold to the rest of the City but if he fails to support his base (no homo) then he won't last long.

What's clear is that it'll be fun to see Funkhouser spreading himself thin(er) to please all of these camps . . . Also that image makes me realize that KC politics only gets uglier after watching it since I was a little kid.

A season to risk

No, I'm not referring to the post-punk/electronic collective hailing from Kansas City, MO; the "season to risk" I'd like to note to is Springtime and the all encompassing madness over whatever weather patterns might arise.

In fact, I'd like to draw attention to a great point that a local weather watcher recently made on KC Talk . . . Forgive me for being so naive BUT I didn't know that the obsessive weather coverage that makes watching television nearly unbearable during the Springtime is due to the fact that this stormy time of year also coincides with ratings season.

In reference to a storm earlier this week, a very wise post at KC's best forum notes: "It's not May yet, so until sweeps comes around, local TV could give a shit about us."

Still, it's not like I'm asking for Katie Horner to run around like a chicken with its head cut off more often but this info does make it easier to adjust my schedule. And I'm also glad to know that the fervor that local weather folks present is just an act . . . I really thought they were serious last year and that moisture falling from the sky was surly a sign that the world was coming to an end . . . Now, I'm going to have to completely rely on Al Gore to throw me into a panic regarding weather patterns.

Back to the lockup dog

The weather is getting warmer, that means that the greatest threat to you is not weapons of Mass Destruction, crime on the Eastside, Drunk Drivers or a jilted lover . . . According the the local news (especially KCTV5) you really have to live in fear of dogs (when not fretting over somebody jumping out of your computer screen and raping you) . . . To wit, a local dog Faces house arrest . . . And I already wonder if he'll get one of those neat ankle bracelets and have to make calls to his PO to inform "the man" regarding his whereabouts . . .

A dog faces house arrest after allegedly biting a fire inspector.

The dog was under an awning outside a coffee shop in Brookside this morning. He reportedly heard a clap of thunder and got scared. That was when the fire inspector, who was under the awning trying to avoid the rain, got bit . . .

The owner says the dog has all his shots, but will have to stay inside the house for about 10 days.

That's ruff (ugh) I know some people who nearly went crazy being forced to stay inside their house for more than a month, so I have no idea what that'll do to an animal who would rather be playing in the park and frolicking outdoors . . . Additionally, if the mutt is anything like the humans I've known who have underwent house arrest . . . The animal won't learn much other than the notion that getting caught and punished was the only thing that was really regrettable.

Still . . . A lot of folks believe that any kind of alternative to the normal lock up is a good idea. Who knows if they're right BUT maybe if animals don't automatically get caged up then humans might merit the same treatment. A lot of people think so given that in a recent survey half of Missourians claimed to support using drug courts rather than prison for first-time offenders.

Have you seen her?

Spotting a baldy hasn't been this profitable unless you're a broad out husband hunting and looking for a dude with low self esteem (and lots of money): 25k reward for Shauntay Henderson

Update: Here is Ayman's take on the subject as well.

Certainly not a fight for dignity or honor

2 Local Women Compete In ABC's 'The Bachelor'

Looking ahead

A Cleveland baseball blog I read recently has some pretty prophetic predictions. It's almost eerie . . . Like the guy was channeling Chief Wahoo himself . . . Especially when he summed up the Royals current situation.

Next, I predict that the Kansas City Royals most current rebuilding plan won’t work, either. I also predict that they’ll consider another managerial change although I also predict that most fans inside and outside of Kansas City couldn’t even name their current manager.

That sounds about right. The blog is entitled "Wait 'till next year again" And actually that's a bit hopeful sounding for a similar small media market like Cleveland . . . In KC I'm pretty sure the only reason to look forward to next season when it comes to the Royals is that maybe you might win the office pool with a bet on when exactly the team will lose 100 games.

Still plenty to see

Thankfully, there wasn't a mass shooting at the St. Paddy's Day Parade. However, there were some big guns out nonetheless . . . Check out a few more shots of the parade recently posted at a digital photography forum.

TKC Myspace of the moment: Five reasons why you ladies should have sex with "the D"

Every so often, while trolling the Internets I find a blog or a Myspace page that perfectly captures what (I think) the local blogosphere is all about . . . Today, the high honor of a nice post by me goes to The D.

His blog "The D rules" is more personal than political but it features great insights about everyday life in KC nonetheless. The D posts content about "life as a young, single, kick ass dude, in my home town of Kansas City. It shall include but not be limited too, humor, jokes, funny stories about me and whatever I want."

He has shown up with a couple of comments on this blog but I bet he doesn't know that I have even more man love (No Homo!!!) for him. So here is why this blogger (with a pretty decent myspace page as well) kicks ass and here are just a few reasons that women should sleep with him, banks should give him money with no questions asked and he should get a pass from police on all crimes up to and including aggravated assault.

1. The guy has lost a hell of a lot of weight and he's documented a lot of it online. I have to admit, those tangible results without one mention of how one of his parents beat him or whatever the Hell the opposite sex thinks is inspiring and made me want to go out and jog if I wasn't on the lower end of a diabetic coma due to the fried fish sandwich I had for lunch.

2. Look at that pic . . . Do you have the guts to put your best face forward like that? I don't, but damn I'm impressed.

3. His "Joke Thursday" posts are the shit.

4. He graduated from Bishop Ward so he's been through the unmitigated humiliation of being constantly beaten by my old high school (Miege) yet he still seems to hold his head high!!! (Yeah, I'm going back more than a decade for glory Al Bundy style. What of it? Harrumph!)

5. He has been spit upon but still stands tall!!! I don't think I've ever had any bodily fluids unwillingly cast upon me but if I did, rest assured I'd spend the rest of the day bathing in Purell . . . This guy seems to take it in stride and that's why he's a gully local blogger.

So, there you have it. Now go and make the D part of your daily read if you haven't already.

Crooks still haven't figured out the best way to rob a bank is to buy it

A bank robbery at the Community America Credit Union may be tied to others . . . Which is somehow related to the fact that ATM fees are moving closer to charging you nearly half of what you might withdraw.

Game (almost) on in WyCo!!!

Channel 9 reports that Wyandotte County could become hot spot for gamblers . . . Meaning people who like games of chance rather than just gambling with their safety and health while cruising for streetwalkers and illicit substances . . . Personally, I don't really care how people kill themselves but the way that I'll probably (hopefully) meet my demise is by a miniature train and all the greasy goodness at Fritz's . . . Which by far is the best thing about KCK despite all of the easily available vices in that hood.

Putting off the fall of The Empire

Man charged with 2006 nightclub shooting at The Empire Room . . . Strange how the vibe across the street at The Velvet Dog is so much better than almost every bar in town. I miss going there, you could usually find me in the corner . . . Sipping a frou-frou girly drink and doing my best to avoid conversation.

"sweatin the small stuff" once again

I'll label this one as "in praise of rough looking women." A classic take on a scary story and why lesbian prison movies are simply pure (wonderful) fantasy. Check it.

Is politics better when it's ugly?

I think so, but Dan over at Gone Mild is actually a nice guy who claims that an aggressive Brooks campaign still couldn't have worked. I actually think I agree with Kraske and the comments all over the net prove that NEITHER side was really interested in a clean campaign. However, what I like is that all the scum and sleaze was left to the Internets while the public faces were always pretty . . . I think that works in the favor of every blogger and says a lot of about our medium. Still, Dan's perspective is worth checking out and (as usual) he makes a ton of great points. No homo.

Blunt aide in the buff!!!

Matt Blunt's press secretary has nude pics floating around on the Internets . . . And the only thing I find appalling is how she's being treated with kid gloves by both parties and she received the help of The State Highway Patrol in order to put the kibosh on the whole thing. Take a quick peek (!!!). . . At her sob story . . . Yeah, I guess I couldn't post the photos not only because I haven't seen them (she doesn't seem like much to look at) but also because I'm sure it would earn me a one way ticket to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba or at least get me deported.

In late 2004, Jessica Robinson — now Gov. Matt Blunt's press secretary — learned that private photos of her nude body were traveling on the very public Internet.

She took steps, with the help of the State Highway Patrol, to remove the images. But like weeds, the pictures recently came back — circulating again on the Web and now around the state Capitol.

She says the pictures had been taken by her husband, Jay Robinson, in late 2003 and early 2004 to document the various stages of her pregnancy that resulted in the May 2004 birth of their son. The photos were put on the hard drive of the couple's computer . . .

By October 2004, the early-pregnancy pictures —which show a smiling, still-slim Jessica Robinson standing in front of a wall — somehow ended up on several pornographic websites. Authorities say the couple's computer had been hacked.

I'm not sure if I buy that story but it doesn't really matter. The main point here is the fact that nude photos are available of nearly every woman working as a professional in the media . . . Or at least that's been my experience. Also, I'm pretty sure that there are women across the State who have photos they may not want of themselves on the Internets and The State Highway Patrol doesn't get involved . . . That's time that they should be spending hassling every Latino who dares to drive a car and checking their citizenship!!!

Finally, I'm always impressed with these kind of stories and how they are usually intended to make everyone afraid of the Internet . . . I guess I also miss the days when people had more privacy . . . Just like I'm sure po'folk from across the Show-Me State miss their Medicare. But what are you gonna do? The only thing I can think of is to smile and try to suppress your cough while Baby Blunt blushes.

P.S. - I also have nude photos of myself on my computer but they are intended to be a warning to all those who would dare to mess with my computer. The photos picture me, naked, holding a sword while my a former lover throws pickles at me and I point at the camera. I was hacked once and somebody got hold of the photos. They subsequently left me an e-mail apology and deposited 20 dollars in my paypal account.

Hat tip: Jazo (who declined to see any of my nude photos)

Pump it up!!!

In what might possibly THE WORST ROAD TRIP EVER, and Overland Park man has recently brought some noteriety and PRIDE to the name of his community . . . OR, if you truly know the nature of the suburbs in and around Kansas City . . . You aren't really surprised to read about a poor, downtrodden Overland Park man WHO HAD MORE THAN $1,000 WORTH OF PENIS PUMPS STOLEN FROM HIS VEHICLE!!!

Council Bluffs Police reports stated officers were called to the Fairfield Inn, located at 520 30th Ave., for a report of a burglary to a vehicle at 9:40 p.m.

An Overland Park, Kan., man told officers someone broke the passenger side window on his vehicle and stole five penis pumps and parts, valued at $1,300, according to police reports. Damage to the window was placed at $200.

At the time of the report, the victim found no other items missing or no other damage to his vehicle. The case was marked inactive because there were no suspects or witness information available.

I'm pretty sure that has to be the most embarrassing police report you'd ever have to file or at least ranks right up there with the time I had to provide details regarding a gang of midgets who gave me a beatdown because I like to pretend I'm a giant monster when I'm depressed.

I don't even want to ask the obvious question: WHAT IN THE HELL WAS HE DOING WITH 1K WORTH OF PENIS PUMPS? Because I'm pretty sure that my brain would explode if given the answer. Personally, I always doubted that anybody really had a penis that small and and a complex to do something about it with the notable exception of Lou Dobbs and Kris Kobach -- And the answer they found was to take their aggression regarding the matter out on Mexicans instead of investing in unproven (how would I know that?) technology.

Anyway, the point is that we all need to take care when taking a road trip and secure our valuables, penis pumps and anything that might be potentially embarrassing. I know that I always dread telling people that my downtown dwelling is a basement and not a loft.

Hat tip: Across-the-board.com

KC Street Art blog: "This ordinance makes no sense what so ever."

The Street Performer advocate has taken up the (unpopular) cause of panhandlers as well. Take a moment to check out her impassioned post and an alternative perspective on the new legislation directed at those with the temerity to be poor.

Insert lame Korean Food surplus joke here

30 cats removed from Lee's Summit home.

TKC will not make Polish jokes

First of all . . . And I don't know if this is funny: Other than Great Britain the people of Poland were the biggest (and funniest) supporters of the U.S. War of Terror in Iraq and they shouldn't be taken for granted. Also, a gully new missile shield in Poland should make the world safe for more missiles and U.S. interests.

So, with little or no useful commentary (as usual) on the subject I will simply link a pretty interesting story I noticed at The Star's site earlier this morning regarding some small dust-up over KCK Polish festivities in what is now a neighborhood that's predominantly occupied by Mexicans.

A bitter conflict has erupted on Polish Hill in Kansas City, Kan., where Polish-American descendants filed a lawsuit Tuesday claiming the beloved Polski Day parade has been hijacked.

The official Polski Day committee received a jolt to the system in mid-March when a member applied for the May 5 parade permit and discovered it had already been issued to a non-Polish bar and restaurant owner.

Further fanning the flames? Instead of ending at St. Joseph-St. Benedict's church, the benefactor, the parade ends at the bar and grill — in the traditionally Croatian part of town. That's raising some Old World tensions.

Personally, I've always liked Polish people because I went to grade school with a lot of their kids and I was surprised they resented the Irish kids just as much as I did. White people are picky like that . . . Additionally, I just now learned that the word "Polack" is actually a derogatory slur. Strange because that's the term they always used to describe themselves . . . I guess self hate crosses cultures even if those light bulb jokes don't translate in other languages.

It's expensive to fight against cheap labor

It's costing Valley Park (outside STL) $80,000 in legal fees to crackdown on landlords who rent to undocumented immigrants. The mayor of the city vows to keep up his fight and bankrupt his small city in order to maybe get an appearance on Fox News. Solution: It would be much simpler and less expensive if anyone suspected of being an illegal immigrant (read: all Latinos) simply didn't have any rights at all and could be subjected to whatever crazy whim put forth by a politician!!!

The cure for your desire to donate to charity

Gateway to a Cure manager Carl Sengheiser has been indicted on fraud charges in connection with four raffles, including one in the Kansas City area, that raised $1.9 million.

A bridge too far . . .

Barnes delays vote on Red Bridge Road plan. I like these people. They have one of the best issues for the rights of neighborhoods in this city . . . And I'm certain they are going to lose despite some valiant efforts.

Game of skill

I'm impressed to see that local authorities are using the same strategy that seems to working in Iraq!!

The U.S. military used cards to capture Iraqi forces.

Now the KCPD is putting the victims of unsolved crimes on a deck of cards that will be distributed in local prisons.

Actually, I do like the new spin that the locals are putting on the card deck and acknowledging the victims of crime and making playing cards less enjoyable for inmates.

(No) Baby Love

Baby murder stories and other tales of trauma/drama involving kids are never a nice way to start the day . . . But here are a few that sadly caught my eye nonetheless:

Seems like you'd get more time for stealing a car: Man Will Spend Seven Years in Prison for Killing Baby

Man Sentenced to Six Years For Having Sex With Babysitter . . . The guy's baby's mama "encouraged them to be intimate because she was pregnant." Ugh. Talk about a recipe for postpartum depression. Note: Do women who aren't white get postpartum depression? When ever I see cases profiled in the news it's always a white broad who regrets having kids (???) I wonder if that's just ordinary media bias of if there is some kind of statistical evidence that reflects the phenomenon in much the same way that (the few remaining) Native Americans all have diabetes because of either genetic predisposition or the fact that fry bread is delicious.

Man Accused of Sex Crimes, Family Says It's a Lie

KCMO school district can't even teach kids the finer points of the concealed carry law: Tip Leads Police to Arrest of High School Student

Notice all of these stories come from KCTV5 so some new marketing data that reveals that scaring the crap out of you regarding what could be the fate of your children must somehow equal higher ratings. Seems plausible but sadly, I'm to busy hiding under my sheets in order do any research.

KCUR cleans up

KCUR recently won five regional Edward R. Murrow Awards for news coverage. (hat tip on the info to KCTalk) Nice to see our friends (hot chicks!!!) at KC Currents getting some recognition as well.

Reason #2,453 why light rail won't work: People hate trains

Amtrak has been stripped of nearly all its state funding by the House . . . The Senate could still save the day but it can't make more people want to ride the damn thing.

The Cauthen Countdown!!!

How long till Funkhouser fires the most powerful Black man in City Hall?

More money to be made turning in punks who shot an old man than by bank robbery

Dwight Mayhugh was working security at the UMB Bank near 79th Street and Wornall when gunman robbed the place and shot him in the process. He died of his wounds later. Now the FBI is upping the reward to 35k. I know there are a lot of "issues" related to turning somebody in but if you really want to piss off "the man" just provide Alonzo Washington with the tip.

Permanent St. Paddy's afterparty: Alleged Dunk broad cripples local dude for life

KSHB files an amazing reports regarding the perils of the amateur night we call St. Paddy's Day.

Here are the scary details: "Jimmy Bullard may never walk the same again. He was hit by a suspected drunk driver . . . The suspect is Megan Cook, 18. She allegedly was trying to dodge a DUI checkpoint. She remains in jail."

Damn, this story scares the crap out of me. It was a horrible accident and I only wonder if people will blame the (alleged) drunk driver, the fact that DUI checkpoints seem pretty dangerous in and of themselves and/or anyone daring to question that the St. Paddy's Day festivities weren't an unbridled success because there weren't mass shootings.

Public performers (non perv) okay, less talented poor people NO WAY!!!

City Council Passes Aggressive Panhandling Law . . . Politicians are now only people who can annoyingly pester everyone for public support.

Kansas City will now give all its cash to aging Crossroads Hipsters

So, thankfully a user-specific tax abatement program for artists in the Crossroads Arts District (might) mean that you don't have to pay taxes if you can hold a paintbrush, you're white and you have the right address.

Also, they're opening up a new bank in the ubercool district to take advantage of all the tax savings!!!

Nice.

I'm sure all these economic incentives are going to really help out this City or at least the people who cater to causal drug users who call themselves artists and/or folks who are in the business of selling hummus and moderate to expensive wine.

(Note: Does anybody know the name of that hosh-posh liquor store in the Crossroads? It actually seemed rather nice and if they carry Colt .45 then I'm in luck. There is nothing better than tax abated malt liquor. I wouldn't even mind giving my money to hipsters as long as my spare change is going to ensure white privilege and destroy my liver . . . Talk about Double bonus!!!)

Before they officially become losers

Kauffman Stadium Opens a Day Early: Fans are invited to watch Royals final workout Before the season begins.

Rich KC residents have problems too!!!

From KC Infozine: Keith A. Tucker paid $1.2 million to Kansas City under protest. Tucker then filed a petition seeking a refund of the payment, claiming he was not a resident of the City during the years he was assessed. Judge John M. Torrence of the Jackson County Circuit Court found that Tucker was a Kansas City resident, and rejected Tucker's claim that the earnings tax definition of "resident" was unconstitutionally vague.

The one time you're not in the mood

KC Blue Blog: Missouri AIDS Hotline Dials Phone Sex Line

A new King Maker in Kansas City

A nice video from local blogger Laz cites a new power in KC politics. Additionally, I didn't know Jeff Roe was fat. I like him even more now. A pro-Funk punchline but I have to say the vid was well executed even if it underplayed the importance of the McClatchy Media conglomerate and their poster boy in you corner:

A nice review of the old Governor

Boy I miss Bob Holden, almost as much as po'folk miss their Medicare. Thanks Baby Blunt! Anyway, John Combest comes up with this great update on what the former Missouri Gov. is up to nowadays and I'm always surprised how cordial Republicans are when there isn't a campaign on . . . Safe to say that (stereotypically) they're much nice than their liberal counterparts . . . Or at least that's my perception.

To do, during this Blue, rainy weekend:

This Weekend:

Rod Stewart at Kemper...
The Blue Man Group at Kemper...
KillSwitch Engage at The Beaumont...
Ronnie Baker Brooks At Knuckleheads...
Links to Blayney's, The Hurricane, Jerry's Bait Shop, O'Dowd's,
Barley's, 75th Street Brewery and lots more at the Event Driver's site

Blogger Backtalk: Keeping it all together

Some nice pics and a bit of insight into the Hall of Losers otherwise known as "The Royals Lockerroom"

The mere mention of Accurso's makes me hungry.

Better answers to the "book tag" then I could have given. Actually, I don't have any books and all my "reading material" is strangely stuck together. Ew.

An ode to Kansas City . . . And awesome post from a broad who's sadly moving away. Money line: "Instead of staying for the year it took my marriage to officially fall apart, I stayed for nine years."

Flossed . . . Fact: 2/3rds of you didn't vote and other news around the area

Another reason for me to worry . . . The Flogging of America (a product of the Flossing of America) is putting up some great stuff as of late.

A recent election analysis surprisingly revealed that all of Kansas City's problems didn't magically disappear the day after Mark Funkhouser was elected Mayor.

And I'm digging the daily roundups as well.

Check them out for yourself.

The Blogger's Paradox

Ah, yesterday's rant was way too long. I was afraid that nobody would read it, especially after Gregg cut really close to the bone with his insight and nearly nailed it.

Today, Cara has a pretty amazing post on the subject as well . . . And I'd like to thank her for her insight too. She's a much better blogger than I AND she gets to the point even quicker. Money line: "like a fat girl loves Twinkies."

Yeah!!!

I always get scared when some of you folks actually "get" it and worry that the joke is ruined. Still, I'm counting on the fact that there are way more people who would just rather call me a dweeb and keep on obsessively reading this site in order to do so.

Rock on.

Blogger turned splogger: Jerk Joe Miller trades credibility for cushy City Hall job

So, it turns out that I got played during this election . . . Let me share my side of the story:

The intro

This blog is about jokes. This blog is about making fun people in power because I'm basically powerless and this little pastime of mine is just about the only thing that keeps me from opening up my wrists during one of my rare instances of bathing.

I try to be merciless but I'm not a madman, I know all about laws concerning slander, copyright (fair use), libel and parody. Also, I advise everyone to stop reading this blog and I could really care less if any of you d-bags find my jokes, opinions or commentary funny.

The sitch

As the election got going I was pleased that Funkhouser moved into second place because the guy is ripe to make fun of . . . I'm sure he's nice but rumor has it that everybody called him Lurch behind his back at City Hall. And there's no funking end to the wordplay jokes with his name.

Naturally, I let loose with a few nasty posts and got a few decent responses to my mean spirited humor.

Then I get one e-mail after the next from Joe Miller . . . Typical blogger stuff. "Are you talking about me?" "Why are you so mean?" "You just don't get it." The kind of thing I usually ignore if it wasn't for the fact that I've went out to dinner a few times with Joe and I've even seen the inside of his house. The e-mails went on for a week and we agreed to meet for coffee to talk about future "Mayor Funky."

Why? Well, as you may have already guessed: I have no friends. I openly admit that I have a pretty sad and miserable existence (that I'm thankful for nonetheless). When I get work, it's usually stuff that I do in front of the computer and to be honest: It gets down right lonely in my mom's basement.



So I actually entertained the thought of lightening up on Funkhouser for my "buddy" as the election drew near. And believe it or not . . . I did. All my anti-Funkhouser comments were far more tame than I had ever planned. My reaction to all the blogger cheerleading was disgust and I was just waiting to let loose . . . And while I did note my feelings on the matter, I never really posted as many nasty things as I wanted to . . .

The Future

However, a brief mention of Miller in a Star article today regarding Mayor Funky's plans for his new administration clues me into the fact that I was expertly played for a sucker and my lenience on the Funkhouser campaign served only to provide Miller with a stepping stone to a pretty decent career in politics . . .

Q: Who is going to be advising you — who is going to be on your staff?

A: We haven’t worked out details yet. Ed Wolf (longtime public works director who retired in 2003) will probably be a significant player. … Joe Miller (former Pitch writer and a Funkhouser campaign spokesman) will be a significant voice in the mayor’s office.

Yeah, I got played . . . In much the same way that all of those Black kids that Miller documented in his book didn't get much out of the deal except for the details of their lives being callously broadcast to millions of NPR listeners and the pleasure of being portrayed in a typical white fantasy in which liberals who "get" the Black experience single-handedly act as saviors of the "po'Black chillens" and do so much more for them than self-determination or a stable family unit ever could. I only hope those kids got a piece of the book money as well. Oh, I'm sure there might be a few of you rushing to Miller's defense but I should also note that his protégé Marcus Leach often asks people not to mention his appearance in the book because he's seemingly a bit embarrassed of being stereotypically lumped into the simplistic "downtrodden, Black kid with a heart of gold" category that gets so many white liberals mugged when they should be (justifiably according to statistics) clutching their purses and or wallets. (Note: My evidence for this statement comes from a chance encounter with Leach, in which I asked him if he was one of "Joe's Kids" and he kind of shrugged it off and blushed a little bit . . . Which is a feat for any Black dude - He could have been blowing me off (no homo) because I'm an asshole but the response seemed genuine).

ANYWAY . . .

During the quick meeting at Coffee Girls I asked Joe about the possible conflicts regarding his new career . . . He gave me some spiel about "participatory journalism."

That works for me . . . I'm sure it's the same thing Dick Morris tells himself at night.

Thing is, I don't like lackeys no matter what they call themselves.

And as much as I need friends . . . It would just be a gigantic sellout for me to take it easy on Funkhouser for the next four years just because Joe Miller is a good guy. Especially given the fact that I'm not getting anything out of it AND documenting Funkhouser's failures (of which there will undoubtedly be many that won't be all his fault) is basically what this blog is for . . . So, if that costs me a "friendship" which I was never quite sure was there in the first place. Then so be it.

A lonely basement dwelling blogger I may be but it's not even worth running this blog if the opinions and jokes don't belong to me.

Witchy Woman



I'm kicking myself big time for failing to mention the RUMORS regarding Gloria Squirto's (Funkhouser's wife) alleged association with Wiccan forces . . . That's an old media trick that works in this situation, I don't know Squirto, I don't care about her but I am reporting the fact that there are RUMORS about her involvement with Tarot cards, local witches and the like . . . While I'm not surprised that The Star didn't include the mention of this speculation in their article about the wives of the candidates . . . I'm surprised not one local blogger ran with the RUMOR. I figured it would be one of many things I didn't post

A new day of sunshine...
Submitted by ntheno to the KC Buzz Blog on March 25, 2007 - 9:39pm.

Yes! a new day of sunshine...That is one way of looking at it... It sounds like Mark may be getting his advice from his wife (with the help of Tarot cards.. ) Did I read that article right, I had to reread. Even the KC Star was shocked! Is she channeling Abe's wife or is it an latent acid trip.. I am frightened. And my guess is, I am not alone.

This keeps getting stranger and stranger, and I for one am longing for the good ole days of Stan Glazer. He had bigger ideas and a less crazy family...... Also any else hear about the Wiccan rumors???? This is getting better and better. Below is a text of the Squitior Wiccan religion.." Sign me up, is the headquarters going to be next to the new Scientology campus at the KC Star facility. You can either laugh or cry at this... I personally am beside myself.

Come to think of it, I don't feel sleazy at all for posting this because I think a real alternative opinion source allows for ALL viewpoints AND . . . The superstitions that I subscribe to are in direct conflict with all of that Tarot card nonsense. When I ask what the Big JC would do . . . I come to the conclusion that he might not have much sympathy for witchcraft and would want to give everyone the opportunity to denounce it. Can I get an Amen?! And Hallelujah! Also, if these rumors are off base, they merely represent an opportunity for "the campaign manager" of the winning candidate to come clean and tell us that she has never taken part in a Tarot card reading.

BUT I just regret that I didn't REPORT THE RUMOR given that I'm sure at least one thousand voters might have had wanted to know whether or not WITCHCRAFT played a role in the home life of the Mayor.

So, I'm a bit sorry that I overlooked this aspect of the campaign simply for some misguided attempt at friendship.

AFTERMATH

And now it's all out there . . . I don't feel like I'm stifling my joke blog by pulling punches anymore . . . There was no reason to do it if there wasn't going to be a payday. And honestly, I don't have any faith in Funkhouser as a Mayor and undoubtedly the dude would never make a difference in my life.

So, congratulations on your cushy job Joe!!! I don't want to maintain the illusion of friendship because I just don't think it's possible when I consider it a priority, as long as I'm taking in breath to question and pester and cause (jokey) problems for people in power.

I think we had a good run, I filed some pretty nice posts in your favor but your new position (no homo) now puts us in direct opposition. Is this all jealousy? Sure, why not. From what I've read on the local internets, anything less than full fledged support for Funkhouser is tantamount to heresy (very much like witchcraft to us Cath-o-holics).

I hope that you'll shake my hand if I ever see you again. I even invite you to keep on sending cutesy e-mails to my girlfriend and keep her on your "long plan" if the new marriage doesn't work out.

But the truth is . . . I don't have pals when it comes to politics. And I'm through playing nice with newly elected neophytes who pose just as great of a threat to this city as the outgoing bunch of corrupt Council people.

A brave child

These statues aren't exactly new, in fact Conan riffed on these quasi-religious artifacts a few years ago but they still make me laugh. I hadn't seen this one in awhile but it just makes me wonder: "What kind of kid would have the guts to tackle Jesus?"

Also, I think the artist is risking eternal damnation by depicting Jesus throwing a lateral pass like a girl . . . If you're asking me "what would Jesus do" when it comes to football . . . I see him as either as field General John Elway type OR if he was forced to hand over the ball (for our sins), I'm guessing he would pitch it masterfully like the glory days of the Oklahoma Sooners when they used to run the wishbone.

Neal Boortz: "Kansas City was sooo much more than I expected!"

The Libertarian talker and writer was recently a guest of KMBZ and a quick blog post from him makes it seem like his visit went rather well . . . Apparently, they put him up at the Intercontinental. So expect Mike Shanin to be a little more cranky than usual once he gets word of the extra special treatment given the fact that homegrown conservatives in KCMO usually get treated like an annoying step-sister.

Dan Savage and Gay/Jewish relations on the KU Campus . . . Non porn

An excellent post local blog Red Letter Day regarding Pride Week. Here's the money quote referencing a scheduling mix-up that's led to some mixed feelings about the event: "It is inexcusable that a student organization dedicated to fighting against the marginalization of one minority would schedule its keynote event of the year in such a way that they in turn marginalize a different minority."

Let the annual "beg fest" begin!!!

The folks over at KC Talk don't seem to be too thrilled about the pledge drive season over at the publicly supported stations . . . Personally, I'm always a bit annoyed that the best programming always comes on during this time of year as well. Still, I always watch the whole thing BECAUSE when I learn how to get money and support from white liberals (just like my new mayor) then I might be able to improve my station in life or at least do something with this fish tank here in my mom's basement.

The X-man's monster travel review

I like this local blogger's style and this epic, novel travel review is on my list of things to read . . . I'm going to print it out and read it on the toilet but it seems pretty interesting and I'll probably never make it though my microscopically fecal matter encrusted copy of "War and Peace" so this post will make an even better distraction.

"Your new mayor is rather ugly."

An average election conversation from local blog General Blather.

TKC Model of the moment: Local writer has the power of the pen and pose

All right, here is one more reason for me feel cheated about my Communication Studies degree from UMKC . . . There were never any chicks as hot as 31 year-old local model and writer Caroline on (my) staff.

It's just not fair! I've worked in a few small newsrooms in the Kansas City area and my female colleagues were almost always nerdy grad students or empty-nesters doing a much better job to compete for 30 buck stringing assignments than I ever could.

Only now have I seen the exception . . . Had I taken a decade to complete my college degree (not unheard of at UMKC) I would have discovered this smoking hot "culture writer" churning out quite a few interesting stories at the Unews.



Alas, I had to finish the degree quickly in order to get out in the workforce and find that my options were either Target OR Wal-mart . . . And the UNews (at the time) was comprised completely of white English majors who didn't want to hear any of my mindless regurgitation of Stuart Hall or how pretty much everything boils down to Race, Class and/or Gender. So needless to say that I never got a chance at my old college paper and instead I spent a little time writing for KC Hispanic News where my real world media education taught me that female journalists are either hopelessly inept and boring OR they do all of their important "research" on their backs in order to garner career advancement.

Anyway, all this time has past and I think I've found the exception to the lessons I've learned over the course of my (failed) career in reporting or at the very least I'm happy to gaze upon a broad who is hot enough so that I can forget about my jealousy and misogyny for just a few moments.

Slogans for the city . . . Also, Emaw is a better blogger than TKC

Local blogger Emaw riffs on the "new slogan for KC contest" put together by the Star. My favorite: Kansas City: Jazz + Funk = Junk.

This is probably the best thing I could find on the local net that didn't include gloating over another man's glory . . . Which is kinda the ghey. Now I'm back to recharging my batteries (i.e. more online MILF porn).

Funk You Kansas City!!!

Nearly everybody who has a blog is going to provide an analysis of last night's election that will most likely be horribly misleading AND neglect the fact that the only thing Mark Funkhouser did was unite every white person in this city against the Black voting bloc in this town . . . And no matter what the ill-informed local media might report . . . The Funkhouser campaign was NOT A GRASSROOTS EFFORT unless the McClatchy media conglomerate has taken a bigger hit in the market because of declining newspaper ad revenue than has been recently reported.

But I digress . . . The point here is that there was nothing new about Funky's campaign . . . By the way, one of his many new nicknames will now be "Funky" so that we can finally dispense with the booty kissing by every blogger who ever referred to him as "The Funk." Those days are over now given that this first time political office holder will most likely sell out all of the various political constituencies that backed him and will undoubtedly struggle to build any kind of consensus considering that he won the election by little more than one thousand votes.

Additionally, there will be a temptation to declare this "a victory for local blogs!" but, The Star's endorsement of Funkhouser was much more important than the Internet cheering section which did little to influence any candidate's campaign other than provide free PR and a notable lack of any critical thinking or analysis. That's the only part of this election that really bums me out . . . Every blog that commented on the race for Mayor merely resorted to simplistic (and mindless) flag waving . . . Few bloggers wanted to analyze any part of this race . . . They simply wanted to back a winner. Really, the commentary from local blogs regarding the Mayoral race was a waste of bandwidth. All of this amazing freedom . . . To do or write almost anything imaginable and most of what I read was nothing more than slogans and the repeating of stump speeches and talking points. Its was kind of sad really.

But I can't say that the Internet pundits were any worse than the rest of this city . . . And don't get it twisted, I wasn't an Alvin Brooks supporter but I will tell you that I don't feel bad that I wrote in a vote for Charles Wheeler anymore . . . And even that doesn't matter. What's important about Funkhouser's victory his first time out (with the help of his friends at The Star) is that the aftermath of this decision has just started and right now I have just a few highlights of what Kansas City really accomplished last night:

Ignored the topic of crime completely.

Turned our back on this town's public schools by backing Funkhouser's laughable flip-flopping and ill-informed statements on the matter.

Supported a first time politician with absolutely no record of civic or community involvement and little to no close contacts in those areas.

Assured that The Sprint Center will remain without an anchor tenant given that Funkhouser's dour persona is sure to kill any and every bit of excitement regarding the new facility.

Ran the TIF issue into the ground and undeniably created a hostile environment toward investment by big business in this city. I certainly don't want to advocate for corporate interests but I will admit that they have more money than flaky college grad students.

And the list goes on . . . But I doubt the euphoria from the Funkhouser camp has had a chance to fade yet . . . It will take a while (3 months) to realize that the guy is pretty much powerless when it comes to this town's tiny media market, macro economic forces, the social and political climate of this country on the verge of losing another war or the ongoing neglect of the violent deaths of young, Black men on the Eastside that his campaign seemed to capitalize on . . . Seriously, one of the key issues that was never discussed is how poverty, crime and violence are inherently unappealing topics of discussion and Funkhouser's expert dodging of all these issues was undoubtedly part of his success. Funny thing is . . . These problems don't go away just because the mayor doesn't talk about them (Country Club Kay proved that) or because few bloggers bother to post about them . . . They only get worse and the problems have only grown worse ast time goes on -- no matter how many people west of Troost want to address anything but the sad subject.

So, I never had much hope for Brooks and I don't have any faith in Funkhouser . . . What I am looking forward to is that my upcoming entertainment (other than the Sopranos) will consist mainly of watching this guy make one mistake after the next just as any brand new politico might AND watching the inevitable disappointment of his supporters as they somehow never learned that nobody should put so much faith in a politician.

Lurching forward!!!

Funkhouser Takes Early Lead In Mayoral Race.

Update: The South KC votes are just now starting to come in . . . The big lead is disappearing but it's still really close. Funkhouser still commands the top spot.

Crime WILL rise in Kansas City

Not only because there hasn't been any candidate or local politico to seriously deal with the issue but also because Missouri officials are going to stop fudging with the numbers . . . Finally, I wonder what stat "shooting nobody" falls under.

Sadly, most collision insurance doesn't cover crazy girlfriends

Woman Rams Car Outside of Boyfriend's House

Today's local porn panic: Computer "skills" to blame

Fifth-Grader Disciplined for Accessing Porn

Another career for chicken little in KC!!!

Local blogger Emaw has the details and he's already in the running but apparently they are "looking for a new weather dude/wench" at channel 9. I'm sure there are a lot of benefits to the position other than being in close proximity to Kelley Eckerman but I don't care about them . . . I'm also getting my audition tape ready but sadly, I'm reviewing it right now and it looks a lot like something that Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs might have put together.

So, how many times did you vote today?

Actually, I just voted once but they were so happy to see me . . . Like most people they decided to go crazy with the stickers.

Normally, my polling place is jam packed all day . . . Talking with the (annoying) poll workers outside they told me that traffic was decent but nothing special. However, I did notice an afternoon rush (less than a dozen people) that quickly threw the poll workers into a frenzy.

So . . . I'm not about to make predictions, because I don't care . . . BUT I will note that the Westside is a sea of orange that seems to be pretty much in favor of Funkhouser.

The only thing worth voting for today

Hat tip: The D

Amanda is a broad from this area who is hoping to be one of Maxim's Hometown Hotties once again . . . Because she's got an amazing bod and likes to show it . . . I'd like to give her my full endorsement (all 3 inches) but I've got a lot of other more important stuff on my mind right now.

However, I want to encourage you to vote for her because she seems nice and recently I've been thinking that not only are almonds underrated as a nut but also that brunettes don't get enough credit for being beautiful . . . Heaven knows I have a thing for blondes (again, 3 inches) but I remember that some of my most early fixations were on brunettes like Princess Leia and the old, hard drinking girlfriend of Indiana Jones (Karen Allen).

Truly, these were broads who weren't just about the bleach in a bottle of hair dye or some ditzy and/or desperate pose . . . Their rich, brown hair was just the beginning of their bold sensuality that often goes unappreciated along with another overlooked fact -- because these broads are sometimes less "in demand" they don't mind being on top and doing most of the work (double bonus!!!) during sex.





Damn, I guess those throwdown/showdown blonde vs. brunette commercials have worked their way into my subconscious . . . (Note: Tecate and TV don't mix)

But I digress . . .

The point here is that, just like a wonderbra, if I'm gonna support something it's going to be women's breasts.

And it's not like you needed my help anyway . . . If there's one thing that KC voters have had a lot of practice doing - It's picking the lesser evil . . . And no matter what your political stance, that pretty much accounts for nearly every race that I've seen with the notable exception of Dee Williams.

So I'm not making any endorsements in this election because there hasn't been one politico who has inspired me half as much as a half naked white woman. Funkhouser or Brooks and most of the City Council candidates haven't really addressed the problems facing this city or proposed any detailed solutions so I'm sure their time in office will be just as inconsequential as their insipid campaigns . . . It just really doesn't make a difference to me in much the same way that I doubt all of the crime and murders in this town, the potholes in the street, the ignored neighborhoods, long neglected water infrastructure and empty Sprint Center won't be resolved any time soon no matter who wins . . . In the end, it's still up to the residents of this town to keep up with and press those issues and sadly . . . (and I'm just as guilty here) the local blogosphere has proven to be nothing more substantial than a cheering section.

And there you have it, once again . . . Babes in bikinis are much more important that whatever happens today concerning the election. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

Only people who can afford digital cameras will be able to "capture the essence of area communities"

So I guess that a recent project sponsored by the KC chapter of the American Institute of Architects is yet another kind of online social experiment that I don't get . . . Just like I've been pretty lucky to avoid herpes when it comes to online dating. Anyway, I have no idea how snapshot.org differs from Flickr but they're going to have some forums which may or may not explain the need for hipster photography and grandiose notions about pointing a camera and snapping a pic. So be sure to check out the site in order to "contribute to the discourse" (otherwise known as "talking").

Hard to get excited about small turnout

This is what it looks like when The Star tries to sex up their headlines. Unfortunately, I have a headache and their recent small attempts at humor have nearly taken all of the fun out of the Funkhouser campaign. Still, the question behind the cute article is valid: Today's race will be all about turnout and which ever group brings more folks to polls (nullus) will probably find themselves happy in the end. Ew.

If only a massive crowd of suckers was as profitable as a decent media market

NFL: Chiefs rank No. 3 for attendance

Missouri House: Racial profiling of all Hispanics okay!!!

House votes to require police to check immigration status

Looky here: In other news

Please, sweet Jesus don't cut off that donation money. Candor is the path to cash for local pastors after the Johnston scandal jeopardized the collection plate: "Area houses of worship are welcoming discussion of that most earthly of issues — money."

A tragedy if one of them doesn't have a rich daddy: Teens Vandalize Neighborhood . . . Also, this was the top story yesterday at 5. WTF?

If you watch any form of TV long enough something interesting will happen: Store Camera Catches Man Getting Hit by Car

So expensive it'll make you forget all about net neutrality: Sprint Nextel will bring WiMAX to KC in 2008

Bad tidings: Hallmark reports lower revenue, earnings

Poet, social activist and positive rapper is the best recipe for poor I've heard all day

Present Magazine posts a great interview and photo of KCK rapper Vigalantee and I only wonder if his music is even half as good as his insights and inspirational message . . . In much the same way that I'm all about the Big JC but most of the pop music on his behalf is pretty awful.

From one bad melodrama to the next

Man Laid Off From Sprint Finds Gig on ABC's "General Hospital."

Advance cremation part of recent KC Murder Scene

Police: 2 Tied Up Inside Burning Building

New blog: American Hell

From the same artist, blogger who brought you Irish KC and the ensuing hilarious (magically delicious?) posts like a recent rundown of Irish Parental advice. Good stuff that I'm soon to add to the blogroll. Check it. Quick and to the point and reminds me a bit of toothpaste for dinner.

Kansas City's conservatives come out for Funkhouser in full force

My favorite local conservative blogger LMC has a great take on today's local election that's definitely worth reading.

Even better . . . She pointed me toward a recent piece by my least favorite local Mexican hater Jack Cashill who also seems to be jumping on the Funkhouser bandwagon and decrying Democrat and minority voting blocs.

Of course there are the obvious (and deserved) swipes at local political group ACORN in his column but he typically overlooks Republican "voter harvesting" of the same ilk and would (mis)lead his readers to believe that all those dirty darkies on the Eastside of town are the only people who want to game the system. Clearly, the guy has never heard of Karl Rove, Diebold or many of the same dirty Republican tricks that attempt to sway the vote in their favor as well.

Sad thing is . . . Cashill isn't even being creative in his writing and is instead relying on what has already been labeled as part of "the Republican obsession with voter fraud conspiracies."

And while I'm no fan of the crazy nutjobs at ACORN signing up their dead relatives to vote . . . It's worth noting that so many conservatives are simply crying wolf over what they seem to be labeling as "a vast conspiracy among Democrats and minorities" while ignoring their own well documented instances of voter suppression that are still being pursued in the Show-Me state as recently as last year.

Interesting fact about Cashill's crying wolf: "No evidence has ever been presented that these registrations have ever been the cause of any illegal votes."

However, what's more important today is that Funkhouser is teaming up with these conservative forces in order to further strengthen his coalition of white people.

It strikes me as funny because I know a great many people in the Funkhouser camp are dyed in the wool liberal Democrats that would find most of the ideologies of Cashill and his ilk repugnant but they want the support, the votes regardless of the motives and now it's far too late and much too close of a race to risk alienating anybody.

Some people might call this consensus . . . But they would only be folks (like Funkhouser) who have absolutely no experience in politics.

Actually, I'm not surprised . . . Conservatives, liberals, Democrats and Republicans have previously jumped into bed with each other when it comes to waging a war against the civilians in Iraq the terrorists or trying to stop all those damn Mexicans who want menial labor jobs.

Cashill offers a scathing description that I'm sure is accurate regarding those in control of the Black voting bloc in Kansas City but I'm pretty sure this kind of thing goes on in every place where there is money to be had by peddling influence regardless of race. Still, the message is loud and clear and while I'm sure many in the Funkhouser camp would disavow the clearly bigoted depiction . . . You won't hear a peep out of them till after election time . . . Check it:

In the inner city, vote harvesting kills reform in its tracks, and the people were there to protest that. Unfortunately for these citizens, however, both of the would-be prosecutors had eagerly sought the machine’s endorsement and weren't overly squeamish about how it harvested votes.

In 1994, Nat Helms, then the spokesman for the effort to legalize gambling in Missouri, approached a group of ministers actively associated with this same harvesting machine. They had been preaching that gambling was bad for the community.

Helms, who later publicly regretted his actions, tells what happened next:

"We went to them and said, ‘what is it going to take for you to change your message? Nothing convinced them of anything. So we said, 'what about a million dollars?' Well, that worked. Next week, gambling is good. Gambling is good for Kansas City. They got posters out, they got their ward workers out."

People change their mind when money is on the table? Shocking!!!

Anyway . . .

The strange bedfellows that have united in order to defeat Brooks should signal that the Funkhouser camp isn't a group reformers set out to "clean up" City Hall . . . During this race, they've proven themselves to be nothing more than your average KC politicos . . . Ducking important issues, flip-flopping, casting aside their beliefs for a bigger cross-section of voters, relying on big media and big money just as much as their opposition and ultimately what should be noted is that (despite propaganda to the contrary) Funkhouser is simply another brand of politician and just as much a part of very same corrupt political system that Cashill describes in his column.

Tower in Westport

Found this great photo set on Flickr that belongs to a guy who goes by the handle of bynk . . . He has a bunch of other shots of places all over and around Kansas City but for some reason the set dedicated to Westport stands out the most to me . . . Westport is often overlooked in KC but the place has always felt like the real heart of this town to me and I like the fact that it's way more trashy than Brookside or the Plaza . . . Anyway, take a look at the photos for yourself . . . They are pretty decent and strangely soothing.

Transformation

I guess there is hope for the future . . . At least as far as upcoming movies goes. I know it goes against my principles (heh) but I'd be willing to even stand in line in order to see the upcoming transformers movie . . . Seriously, my sister's wedding is around the same time and I honestly don't know if I'll be able to make it if the scheduling conflicts with this upcoming cinematic masterpiece.

Sorry sis, a man has to have priorities.

Race Card Report: "The Black Part of Town"

OR . . . The Funkhouser camp doesn't know how to talk . . . OR . . . Brooks relying on Jesse Jackson campaign techniques . . . OR . . . Please God I can't wait till this election is over:

Apparently, Funkhouser's wife used this term in an e-mail she sent out recently AND earlier today when talking with Darla Jaye -- Funkhouser referred to someplace on the Eastside as "The Black Part of town" . . . Apparently, that's the language that they use at home in much the same way my family refers to me as "Fancy boy" when nobody else is around.

But I digress . . .

Brooks is exploiting this small misstep . . . It means virtually nothing BUT it is undoubtedly a dismissive way to talk about an entire community . . . Interesting side note: KSHB is covering this story and they "actually talked to some Black people!!!" and most of them claimed that they were a bit disappointed that Brooks chose to take that route . . . Anyway, this last bit of election news is probably exemplifies why I could care less who wins and how nothing in Kansas City has really changed as much as folks would like to think . . .

IT'S A TIE!!!

Brooks and Funkhouser in dead heat:

Each candidate received 48% in the poll, conducted over the weekend. Nine-hundred people were polled with 526 identified by SurveyUSA as likely to vote. The poll has a 4.4% margin of error . . . Quick facts: Surveys historically undercount Black people, My prediction (usually wrong) this thing is so close it will resemble the 2000 presidential election and will be resolved by the person who most effectively "thugs their way" into office . . . Advantage to the Brooks camp on that one. Also, no matter what I think we're looking at a one term mayor given that fact that nobody has a clear consensus here AND the candidates seem to be overlooking or simply paying lip service to the most important issues in this town . . . Which will no doubt get worse because both contenders have shown they'd rather play politics than deal with anything real. Also, all of Country Club Kay's failures will come to fruition on the watch of the next man in charge . . . So politically, they'll be left with the blame. One last thing, white liberals are better at losing . . . And more accustomed to it.

Local blog anomaly: "Alvin Brooks Is the Best Choice for Mayor of Kansas City"

I read KC blogs, I read KC blogs more than anybody and so far this is the FIRST AND ONLY Brooks endorsement I've come across from all of you white people . . . That, in and of itself is worth noting.

"Do I vote for some dude or some chick."

The best analysis I've read of the 4th District race I've read so far. Really, this is more reflective of how people really decide how to vote than anything I've read from pundits AND it's still more articulate than the electronic signal from the computer chip in the back of the head that signals members of local political clubs and PACs on how to vote.

Robbery the other way around: People who don't know anything about statistics take their revenge

Late Night Robbery at Harrah's

Kansas moving closer to more easily allowing you to lose your kid's college fund

Kansas House OKs Bill For Casinos, Slots

KC Zoo soon to resemble convalescent home

Koalas are coming to the Kansas City Zoo. They've been her before . . . A little known fact about koala's: Just like women with horrible cases of depression, they sleep 18 to 22 hours a day . . . So while checking them out you might get a decent look at their back or maybe quick glance with half of their eye open . . . The "exhibit" should perfectly compliment all of the tigers at the KC Zoo with feline AIDS as the Friends of the Zoo seem to be turning the place into a charity for unexciting and sick animals that I'd rather not look at . . . A better idea: Let the visitors hunt for their own gazelles!!! That would not only increase traffic at the place but also help to pay for yet another KC attraction that's always bleeding money.

I got the idea while I was losing a fight with one of those free range kangaroos that roam around some of the abandoned section at the back of the Zoo . . . To this day I wonder why they let those things run around like that and I'm still surprised by the fact that they can really box.

Crooks still infest KC cRap scene

Years after the hipsters at The Pitch stopped caring about any other rap music in this town that didn't pander to hipsters . . . There is still a very strong element in the Kansas City rap scene that is tied to violence and crime according to Alonzo Washington . . . Here's an excerpt of what could be Mr. Washington's best posts in as much as it reports what most people in KC overlook:

I found out about the local rap group called the Block Mobster Coalition who's CD profiled real life homicides & beat downs. Furthermore, the KCMO Police Department & Feds are now saying that the local gang war is connected to the local KC rap & hip hop music business. Now, I am aware that many local rappers are not crooks. However, there is a sub-culture of young drug dealers who want to be rap stars. These ballers have enough money to produce local rap CD's. Most of them suck!!!

First of all, surprisingly I've heard some of the music put out by BMC and I have to agree with Alonzo . . . They are pretty awful . . . You can listen for yourself and then breath a quick sigh of relief given that hip-hop CD sales are down 21 percent and ITUNES and other online retailers ARE NOT MAKING UP THE DIFFERENCE . . . Put simply, cRap music is a dying art form . . . Which ironically has still managed to lead to a slew of deaths in KC . . . Still, I can't really lament its passing too much given that cRap music didn't have half the longevity of Jazz and it's performers were rarely talented and in KC so many of the ones with any streed cred proved to be little more than common criminals . . . And that still hasn't helped their sales or career!!!

Ice Cream in KC can kill you

An Eastside shooting near 54th Street and Woodland Avenue in Kansas City is nothing new. However, the fact that the suspect was reportedly in AN ICE CREAM TRUCK let's us all know that even the criminal element in this town is glad to see that Spring has arrived. Anyway, police will continue to look for a suspect along with bombpops and fudgsicles.

The bus (and reality) stall light rail in KC

Kansas City's light-rail plan could have trouble getting federal money because it eats up a bulk of the money used to pay for bus service . . . Also, ignore all hipster posts regarding the MAX bus line or the convenience of the Metro after the Chastain crazy fest swept over this town during the last election.

Can't use corn to fight the Arabs terrorists

I've never had much faith in ethanol but recent news makes the faux fuel seem even more unfeasible . . . Mainly, corn crops for ethanol plants may dry up water supplies.

JoCo is where your dreams go to die

One more more political career might be (thankfully) laid to rest in the land of suburban bliss . . . Kline says he doubts he'll run for public office again. Also, I've yet to see a grown man in that place that didn't at least have a slight look that he could have done better when he looks over his wife and kids. Not that I don't see that vibe all over but it's a bit more obvious when a dude has a half mil mortgage hanging over his head.

One more reason why you won't catch me with your wife

More construction will make the JoCo commute even longer.

Candidates willing to crossdress

Not much interesting on the campaign front over the weekend . . . Seeing that I refuse to take anything involving campaign signs too seriously . . . Still . . . I, for one will be glad to get the damn election over with and to tell you the truth (???) I could really care less if they elected Stalin to run the damn city . . . Doubtful it would make any difference in my life.

Still, I noticed one interesting tid bit over the weekend on the subject of cross dressing. Apparently, in one of the last debates KCPT-TV's Nick Haines wanted to know if the candidates were willing to dress up like June Cleaver in much the same manner that Country Club Kay Barnes cynically pandered to this town's ghey vote . . . Obviously both Brooks and Funkhouser said yes . . . Which (once again) proves that politicians are willing to do any degrading thing as long as they get elected AND the phrase "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night" just got even dirtier.

Reports of green water in KC

A few residents are complaining and don't want to drink it . . . However, I'm worried about a dead Leprechaun left over from St. Paddy's Day that may or may not have been flushed down the toilet.

Anti-radical Islam forces set to converge on Kansas City while reading Ayn Rand

Actually, I've found yet another somewhat angry post related to the upcoming DOJ seminar in town that has something or other to do with why desecrating the Koran or other acts that could be deemed offensive to Muslims should or shouldn't be classified as hate crimes . . . Sadly, I'm kind of frightened by this event . . . Not because I'm worried about radical Islam but because the people who want to defend me against the horrible peril of Islamo-fascism on the homefront haven't yet made it past Sophomore year philosophy courses in college and have yet to realize that Ayn Rand was completely full of it and have also failed to discover the little known fact that the majority of Rand's "scholarship" was conducted during the more strenuous episodes of her menstrual cycle.

Also, anyone following a philosophy concocted by a woman is obviously silly but would do better to simply start watching Oprah loyally so at least the possibility of winning a car is available rather than hanging around and reading dusty old tripe in a coffee shop and planning who you'll pay to have killed after you make your first million.

Endorsements from The KC Blue Blog

Continued right here as well . . . I like a few of them . . . Read for yourself.

The anti-Pat Gray party

KC Confidential profiles what he believes to be "Dirty Little Campaigns" and they all have one common denominator. Lately, I've been thinking that I don't want to tell people how to vote . . . But this post has some pretty persuasive points.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it (online): We are in the last days of the daily Newspaper

McClatchy, who now owns The Star reported ad revenues down 5 percent in February from last year. Advertising is down across the board and USA Today reports a loss of more than 14 percent in ad revenue from last year . . . Increased spending in online ads isn't making up the difference. Circulation numbers are equally dismal and the once profitable classified section biz has now almost completely migrated online. On the bright side . . . This means we won't have to endure the hopelessly slanted reporting of The Star for too much longer or at least it won't be delivered to the front door step as the Newspaper demographic dies off and few people (if any) can read anymore . . . Also, this may explain why Yael Abouhalkah seems to be auditioning for a job in the Funkhouser administration.

TKC Weekend videos: Hate music and Black and white in KC politics

I had a theme in mind for this week's podcast and it just didn't happen . . . I was going to call it "HATE MUSIC AND MUSIC ABOUT HATE" but honestly I didn't have enough musical knowledge to come up with a complete list.

Soooooooo . . . I found some of these videos on YouTube that put the subject of prejudice into song . . .

Why? You might ask . . . Last night I was at "The get out the vote rally" on the Eastside and it was evident to me that there has been little to any real change in Kansas City since the end of segregation . . . This election isn't about TIF or Downtown Development or Education or any of the other distractions that may or may not get fixed no matter who is in office . . . What I've seen is nothing more than the politics of race as this political season has panned out. And it doesn't matter if few people have mentioned it, the demographics of this city and how they play out in terms of voting blocs, endorsements and public support is what's important . . . Note: The code word in this election is "responsibility" and people who throw it around are all too obvious about what they really mean.

On the other hand, I don't talk too many Black people but the political motives of KC's Black elite are just as clear. You'd be a fool to believe that there is that much love for Brooks on the Eastside (7 to 1) but they know that there is simply no incentive for a Funkhouser administration to address their issues . . . Put simply, if Funkhouser wins The Eastside is on its own in much the same way that long ago former Mayor Cleaver attempted to turn the Northland into a trash dump for their lack of support.

As usual the Mexicans will be pretty much ignored when somebody isn't busy trying to deport us all. Don't even get me started about the other racial and ethnic communities in this city because I don't even want to think about the smell of curry and or eating dogs and cats . . . I have a hangover.

So . . . No, you would have to be hopelessly naive to think that this election isn't about Black and white and all the strange, icky feelings that those subjects elicit.

These tunes simply put a melody to the melodrama of most discussions regarding race relations:

"One in a million" - Guns and Roses . . . Sad to say it but when I was a Freshman in high school this was probably my favorite song in the whole world . . . It's the first release after Appetite for Destruction and the anti-immigrant/anti-everything theme typifies all of the angst of the hopelessly downtrodden white po'folk that I was stuck in remedial classes with . . . Note: In Catholic School (in my experience) poor or brown is equivalent with a potential discipline problem or possibly learning disabled.



"They don't really care about us" - Micheal Jackson's brief flirtation with Antisemitism . . . The video is rich with irony in that Spike Lee's directing of the clip references the International struggle of Black people and is sung by somebody whiter than a snowflake. Still the appearance of Brazilian drum group OLODUM makes it worth checking out the video no matter what your racial or ethnic identity or lack thereof you cute mulattos.



"Bitches ain't shit" - Ben Folds Five . . . White hipsters redo Dre and Snoop in order to put a new spin on how so many women are worthless. The video was the best I could find and seems to have the most views . . . The white spin on the lyrics is priceless in that misogyny is one of those rare things that unties men of every color and creed . . . No homo.



"I'll bleed for you" - Prussian Blue . . . I'm not going to touch that title with a ten foot pole but by now you've already seen the ABC specials or read indignant articles about the duo of young white chicks who love their race . . . But have you listened to one song all the way through? Honestly, they sound like Jewel when she was good and singing about breakfast food.



"Race Card" - Ice Cube . . . This is one of those after school special type sentiments in the form of song that is supposed to make it okay for you to engage in a bi-racial relationship or enjoy hip-hop with a clear conscience about issues dealing with theft and Elvis Presley (aka Eminem) . . . But it also happens to be a decent (not great but decent) song from the same guy who brought you Black Korea. I guess you could say that it shows how Cube has matured over the years and someday I hope to make the same kind of personal growth but only if I'm rich and have a couple of movie deals just like Ice Cube . . . In any other circumstance I'm pretty sure I'll just go ahead and stay bitter.



Thank you for reading this week folks. Have a good and safe weekend.

Time for Trent Green to go!!!

He wants to be sent to the Dolphins and if the team can get anything more than a half a cup of Gatorade for him then it's worth it . . . Also, in other useless news: The Economic Development Corp.'s response argues that the city's tax increment financing (TIF) project are performing at 75 percent of plan projections, not the 50 percent claimed in the draft.

Local Deputy goes all Elvis!!!

Deputy allegedly fired shots inside his house . . . Which reminds me that Elvis liked to shoot inanimate objects in his life that didn't work right.

I was sadly disappointed to see that angry lesbians really aren't that hot

Okay, I think it's time to STOP using the phrase "Lipstick lesbian" as a pejorative term. When I noticed the headline: "ANGRY LESBIAN PROTEST!!!" I was already on my way to procure tissue paper and Vaseline Intensive Care . . . But I turn on the tube and I was less than pleased . . . I hadn't seen this many mullets since my last trip to Independence in order to get my lawnmower fixed.

Eh, there are a lot of things to protest IHOP about and discrimination is just one of them. That's the thought I had when Tess Koppelman initially reported the story and I guess I'd also like to complain about the place regarding bad service and the fact that most of the fare might give you diabetes if it's eaten on any regular basis. Still, I support the lesbians . . . And I think the whole thing might be settled with not only more public displays of affection but also a few much needed make-overs . . . Because if there is one thing we can all agree on . . . Ugly people shouldn't be allowed to do anything in public at all.

One more reason to always make your drunk girlfriend drive

New broads are much easier to find then a new license . . . 13 arrested on DUI charges last night

Robbery at Plaza jewelry store unrelated to exploitation at African diamond mines

Somebody stole something from Tivol recently . . . Because, as any 5 year-old or blonde woman can tell you: Shiny things are beautiful. QUICK UPDATE: DAMN! They got away with 307k.

Good news!!! Mother and sister abuse for money is surprisingly not me.

KCTV5 reports: Son Charged With Kidnapping Mother, Half-Sister . . . Assaulting them and forcing them to drive him to a bank to withdrawal money.

Coming soon: Even ore convenient ways to go broke!!!

Gambling Bill Clears First House Hurdle . . . Tourist-attracting casinos and slot machines might soon appear at race tracks.

Couldn't stand the weather!!!

I don't need to do anything but link this post . . . This local blogger nails every point regarding the overzealous weather coverage that's coming this spring. Seriously, I have nothing more to note on the issue because THIS POST SAYS IT ALL!!!

The proper discussion of ID in the Blue Valley School District

TFK finds a school board candidate out that way with the right answers . . . Also, he shares some thoughts regarding why Pat Roberts and Sam Brownback want to cut funding for Ft. Riley.

The diary of a cornflake

I do believe that a recent post by MM&I provides the most detailed account of this week's TIF temper tantrum and might also accurately chronicle the days of a woman with absolutely no life.

Here's another thing I see reflected in this post of one of this town's most vehement Funkhouser supporter: Funkhouser just might be a one issue politician.

He's made commercials that reference education . . . But his earlier misstep regarding vouchers and the fact that he probably HAS NOT BEEN TO ONE SCHOOL BOARD MEETING don't give him much credit on this issues.

Funkhouser also has few community ties . . . This may not do him too much harm since once again NEIGHBORHOODS HAVE GONE IGNORED among concerns for people running for office.

And . . . As I've pointed out countless times on this blog . . . Funkhouser is weak on crime but that obviously only matters to folks on the wrong side of Troost and if anything our lily white blogosphere has done nothing but illustrate that fact.

Still, it's a pretty great roundup and a solid endorsement of Funkhouser if TIF is the only thing you care about . . . Personally, my biggest concern is the fate of the 40oz in Kansas City and I will not consider this site successful until the metro ban of my favorite malt liquor container has been abolished . . . I mean forbidding a certain size of glass of a legal refreshment (yum!) has to be unconstitutional or something . . . Right?

Anyway, things to look for in Heidi's mega post: Great info regarding the TIF fiasco, lots (self) righteous indignation and a complete ignorance about any other concern related to Kansas City. Oh and you should also note that she refers to Chastain's light rail craziness as a "Citizen's Revolt" - A CLEAR SIGN THAT SHE IS PSYCHO!!! And not once have I ever read anything about a significant other in her blog which probably should tell you that taking this political stuff too seriously might leave you well-informed but also alone, bitter and angry at the end of the day.

P.S. - Note that none of these anti-TIF tarts (while I agree with them in spirit and because they host certain useful parts related to the female anatomy) support Brooks or even claim that they don't love Funkhouser like he was Leonard Nimoy at a Trekkie convention.

"The Bumper-Sticker Bigot"

Anybody with a real job knows there is NO SUCH THING as freedom of speech at least not when your boss is around . . . However, the KC Blue Blog has a great post on the subject of the popular story of a broad and her foul anti-war sticker . . . Honestly, this is the best take on the subject I've read so far.

I got nothing

Eh, it's the first weekend of the Spring and I'd rather be out walking at the park right now . . . Over the weekend there will be nothing but anonny mailers and mean flyers circulating the city in favor of some candidate that probably won't make much of a difference in your life at all . . . I'm kind of sick of it . . . At least for now.

On Monday . . . If I don't get hit by a truck . . . I have a new feature planned on the blog that I'm somewhat excited about . . . It may be short lived because it takes too much work but it also might give you good folks something to look at . . . Who knows?

However, I will advise that NOW is the time when you can safely sit back and watch politicos dance for you . . . Because nearly everyone's mind is ALREADY MADE UP . . . There is no persuasion going on . . . Only desperation . . . And thank God, I'm not (yet) that desperate about anything so I'm going to just lay back and watch all of the monkeys dance for the one or two votes they might pick up. Again, for a citizen that's not politically connected now is the time to make demands when it comes for your support . . . Don't get your street plowed often enough (no homo)? Then the next politico who knocks on your door should hear about it . . . Somebody wants to put YET ANOTHER SIGN in your yard . . . Then that pothole that ate your tire (and 300 bucks) better be fixed by next month!!!

In every instance, in every situation I'm always amazed that ordinary people don't realize how much power they have . . . There is always some instinct to become part of a bigger group or earn the favor of someone who might be perceived as more powerful . . . But most of the time the effort is in vain and the rewards are paltry at best. By now you've made your choices and all the rest is just protection against buyers remorse . . . So relax, cheer for your side even . . . Just don't count on making a difference in anyone's life but your own.

They are NOT just tramps!!!

Today isn't looking so bleak after all . . . You know, sometimes if you blog hard enough . . . You can make a difference and this response to a long ago post simply made my day and provided me with a bit of education regarding the activities the Chiefs crusaders cheerleaders . . . Also, I'm equally impressed that any cheerleader can put together a coherent sentence . . . Considering as much trouble as I have doing the same. Check it:

As a Kansas City Chiefs Cheerleader, I find your article from September 14, 2005 utterly appalling as I just came across it on the internet. I must fire back at you, and you must know that I never have any intentions of returning to this site to engage in reading your response and letting you get to me. I hope I never come across you in public either, and for your sake, you better hope the same. You've pissed the wrong people off.

We DO NOT do this job because "the gig allows [us] just a tiny, precious moment in a dim spotlight." This is mostly volunteer work and we do this because we have been dancers or cheerleaders since we were 5-year-old little girls and we simply just still love to do this. Cheesy or not, I don't care. We are aware of the idiotic stereotypes like yours, and we fight those everyday. Our husbands do the same. You better get the story straight before you go around making false accusations of us being "gussied up whores," you close-minded bastard. We are a squad of VERY established lawyers, architects, engineers, teachers, mothers, and students. We are intelligent women who are considered the classiest cheerleaders in the NFL as we don't pose in Maxim or Playboy and don't join in the craze of selling lingerie calendars...although maybe you'd secretly like that with all of your pent up aggression regarding whores. It sounds like you've been burned once or twice by some pretty girls in your lifetime. Ouch. Sucks to be you.

We do more than just cheer with a lot of make-up on and stiff hair. We are under contract April to April doing A TON of charity work, teaching youth in our community to believe in themselves, and most importantly at this time in our Nation, we are supporting our troops who are fighting for our lives. WE think of them. WE travel to visit them. WE make friends with them. And WE don't forget them like the rest of our Nation seems to have. We ARE the definition of class when it comes to NFL cheerleaders and the majority of our community sees and appreciates that. YOU, on the other hand, are a self-loathing SOB, who slams others to make yourself feel big and bad. Ooh. You're intimidating. See me shaking in my knee-high white boots??? You're just a bitter, cynical, desperate-to-have-a-pretty-girl-on-arm jack ass.

Awesome!!! The Chiefs cheerleaders not only make me happy in the pants, distract me for the horrible play on the field BUT ALSO FIGHT TERRORISM.

Come to think of it . . . I thought I heard somebody yell "Go Chiefs" when they were hanging Saddam.

Anyway, I'm glad I could help a Chiefs cheerleader as a conduit for her anger (maybe at the prospect that beauty fades so quickly) and I hope that there might come a day when I can service a few of these broads once again in ways that don't involve me crying with Jello and Vaseline intensive care at my side while watching yet another late season loss involving KC's excuse for a football team.

The KATMAN SEZ

All finished here? Hopefully, you've left an angry comment and now you need to check out the blog of 71 year-old Steve Katz!!!

Katman Sez has been at it for more than a year, he's also one of these dedicated letter writers to The Star and he'd make a great addition to your blogroll . . In as much as it would be one less Senior Citizen attempting to drive . . . I kid, I kid.

Anyway, his short and pithy posts skew towards the conservative but then again, if I'm lucky enough to make to any age past 60 . . . I imagine that most of the content of this blog just might resemble Goya's Black paintings.

It's almost Saturday: sweatin the small stuff

Another stellar edition along with the "complete asshole award."

Missing in Action

You know, Chuck Norris doesn't go to City Council meetings . . . Also, our entire City Charter is nothing more than an attempt not to piss him off . . .

Additionally, while Chuck Norris is (thankfully) absent from KC City Council meetings so are the representatives from the 3rd District.

That's right, a recent report by KSHB news claims that Troy Nash and Saundra McFadden don't show up to City Council meetings more than 20 percent of the time.

While representing a district with as many problems as the 3rd, you'd think they'd have better attendance but you'd be wrong.

Also, it's interesting to note that Mayor Kay wasn't there 20 percent of the time as well and that would have been a good thing if she had not spent that time shopping and increasing this town's debt load.

Things to do in Kansas City: Fight for your right to desecrate the Koran!!!

Hey, what would Jesus NOT DO? That guy was awesome and I admire anyone who wears sandals all year long and also has their own, personal, limitless supply of wine!!!

So, the stage is set for Kansas City to occupy the center of the next crusade against radical Islam or religious tolerance . . . I don't know which one . . . It's kind of six of one/half a dozen of the other type thing.

ANYWAY, a DOJ sponsored seminar regarding religious freedom is coming to town next week, it's part of a nationwide series of similar meetings to discuss hate crime law and the like:

A First Freedom Project Seminar:

Federal Laws Protecting Religious Freedom

Thursday, March 29, 2006
Hyatt Regency Crown Center
Kansas City, Missouri
9:00 a.m. - noon

In response . . . A group of "Counterjihad Volunteers" are being recruited on a blog which sees the event as an "erosion of our freedom of speech and the encroachment of sharia in our country."

Personally, I'm all for religious tolerance but there is no way in Hell I'm ever eating baba ganoush again. Multiculturalism should taste like pizza or chicken burritos and not like what I imagine is the flavor of the inside of a goat. The same thing goes for hummus, I have no idea why chicks love that stuff but then again that's one of many things that might go in a woman's mouth but never in mine!!!

Anyway, it's not like I'm exactly fond of hate crime laws either, seeing as they really are trying to penalize (ew) the way somebody thinks . . . Seems like it's hard enough to try and regulate the actions of hateful people i.e. burning crosses (destruction of property), rape, robbery, assault . . . Tacking on hate crimes seems less important than any real damage that some douchebag committed despite whatever dumbass motivations the person might have had . . .

Also, there's the claim that the U.S. could one day end up looking like a Muslim theocracy . . . Obviously, anybody who holds this notion has not been to a local club in which Arab dudes even swarthier than myself bow down to the alter of white women as well . . . Honestly, there is only one religion in this country and it has to do with "bitches and money" as Ice Cube once notably said . . . Before he sold out too.

So . . . It's not like I had a strong desire to desecrate the Koran but I'm guessing that if it suddenly became illegal because of silly hate crime legislation . . . I might get an urge OR I could actually read the thing and find further evidence for my hatred of women's rights and pork.

Local crooks hate KC homes almost as much as Mayor Kay Barnes

Stolen car crashes into KC house . . . I'm trying to release my rage before her term is done because we'll have to live with her mistakes for much longer.

Sounds like Spring: KC weekend music picks from The Event Driver

Valentine at Bacchanalia...
T.U.F. at Blayney's...
Night Cats at Knuckleheads...
Supernauts at Davey's Uptown...
Brew Jam at 75th Street Brewery...

And info on a lot more, just click the link above . . .

It's time to listen to Tony!!!

So I've got a few things to talk about with John and Ellen on KMBZ 980 this morning at around 8:40 in the a.m. SO BE SURE TO TAKE A QUICK LISTEN . . . In fact, you might want to check out the whole program and then stay tuned as Darla Jaye is slated to interview Funkhouser on her show at 9 and maybe ask him about the origin of his Vulcan Death Grip on the minds of so many people in the local blogosphere.

UPDATE: I thought it was good and quick like most of my sexual encounters. Also, I'm sad to read that Funkhouser (who my mom is certain is going to win) ditched Darla . . . This is probably not the first time that's happened (dumped by a dude) so I'm sure she can deal . . . Also, I think it's rather gully that my appearance on air is probably the only time all day when somebody is going to mention "Waiting for Godot" on local talk radio. Absurdism and Existentialism are in the house, baby!

ANYWAY, begrudgingly I had to mention that this week's temper tantrum over the TIF audit started in the local blogosphere with Heidi and the two lesbians who want to be like me with less hair and ethnic identity.

So even though MY OPINION is that it's all a conspiracy of white people to beat on the Black man Brooks . . . The fact is that these babes deserve credit and I want to give it to them . . . Metaphorically. Actually, giving women their props is a technique I learned not only from Aretha Franklin songs but also because it has (so far) prevented me from waking up on fire like that poor dude who kind of reminds me of myself in the TV movie classic The Burning Bed. Farrah Fawcett's finest work to date . . .

Kansas City's $1.2 billion budget approved

The budget will include a 10% increase in spending that's supposed to include more money for neighborhoods and infrastructure . . . However it seems to be a mixed bag (nullus) with money for 20 more cops but also a 4% increase for the folks on the Council . . . Anyway, I guess it's slightly encouraging if all of the fake financial growth in this town can evoke this kind of optimism . . . Just imagine what the real thing might do!!!

Be patient, hold breath and wait till Hell freezes over

Today, the NHL commissioner attempts to placate this town with empty promises (to match the empty Sprint Center) . . . Also, treating the people of Kansas City like a bunch of kids who still believe in Santa Claus is a good strategy that he must have learned directly from Country Club Kay -- a woman whose heart is as cold as any ice rink.

Redevelopment redux: The KCK edition

The Star reports: "Wyandotte County tackled more than $330 million of urban redevelopment projects Thursday, including giving final approval to a project that would mean the death of the Indian Springs mall."

Not exactly news: Politicos pay big time for endorsements

Mark Forsythe and Esping go on the record as to how unseemly a longstanding part of KC politics can be . . . Local politicos paying for endorsements from political clubs not only means that it's unclear what exactly separates this practice from buying votes but also makes me wonder how a bidding war helps local democracy . . . Personally, I don't think it matters given that these groups don't REALLY represent that many people ON THE OTHER HAND very few folks vote so a key endorsement may be the deciding factor in a town where only a few dozen people take time out of their day to participate in elections at all.

Your money or your life saving equipment

KCTV5 reports: "A crook stole equipment from the fire department, and wants ransom money to return it."

Indian Graveyard: One less mall where white people used to shop

Indian Springs Mall To Be Leveled

Crappy Houses even crappier after Chemcentral Fire

Here's hoping the Insurance companies don't consider "extreme poverty" to be a preexisting condition: "Neighbors Still Reeling From Chemcentral Fire."

Training Day

I'll fight with politicos all day over property rights but when the police show up . . . I pretty much just run and hide . . . In somewhat related news, local blogger Jazo laments that so many of the abandoned houses in this town have become police training grounds. Sometimes without informing the owner . . .

An abandoned house that has been boarded or locked up is not not a good thing to have in your community anyway but when the KCPD kicks the doors off of it and leaves it open for criminals to set up shop in you have real trouble. I don’t understand why the KCPD would ever have permission to stage training exercises on private property without the owners consent.

And this whole situation is rather sad because so many empty houses could be used to provide homeless people a place to live . . . HOWEVER, even they don't really want to live on the Eastside considering there is more economic opportunity under a downtown bridge.

One final note . . . All of this reminds me of a recent story which noted that home prices in Detroit are cheaper than cars and not worth even as much as the lumber contained in the homes themselves.

Study hard kids so you can get a rich and connected Daddy!!!

The Blue Blog takes apart Baby Blunt once again: "Blunt Tries to Persuade Students He Hasn't Screwed Them Over."

New blog address: h8torade.com!!!

This young h8tor has been tearing up the local blog scene for quite some time but now he's going "balls deep" in the local blogosphere . . . Check him out at his new address. Refreshing!!

Local Theater that's only slightly the ghey

I don't know exactly what CINNAMONEYE is but I'm hoping it's not a "tossed salad" reference and I'm guessing it's a local theater group that happens to be promoting an upcoming production . . . The play (which their parents are going to be forced to sit through) is called Mr. Marmalade and it sounds pretty interesting if not illegal in some states:

THE STORY:

Lucy is a four-year-old girl with a very active imagination.

Unfortunately, her imaginary friend Mr. Marmalade doesn't have much time for her. Not to mention he beats up his personal assistant, has a cocaine addiction, and a penchant for pornography and very long dildos.

Larry, her only real friend, is the youngest suicide attempt in the history of New Jersey.

MR. MARMALADE is a savage black comedy about what it takes to grow up in these difficult times.

Sounds like fun for the whole family. Actually, the show is only open to adult audiences and is playing over the weekend at The Westport Coffee House . . . So check it out, and then pretend that you understood the subtext while explaining every mundane detail to all of your friends . . . Just like all fans of small theater.

EKC: Funkhouser becoming part of the establishment?

That's my complaint about the liberal crowd . . . Their support is as finicky as Morris the Cat and EKC offers a balanced look at the ballot but seems to be suspicious of Funkhouser's new backers . . . Street cred is everything with the liberal set.

The Boston Legal Backlash

I haven't seen one episode of this show but fans continue to give Channel 9 a hard time about their misstep as far as rescheduling goes according to local media blog Bottom Line Communications . . . In other news, most people in this town are still too poor to afford Tivo.

Judge Not

A somewhat overlooked story from the Northeast News about recent moves among the political class of Kansas City's Black Community: "Vote at Freedom, Inc. allegedly calls for non-retention of two municipal court judges."

Blonde and blow

Once again, the Night Ranger writes the only thing of interest in this week's edition of The Pitch.

Her article not only chronicled a night among the douchebags at local club Blonde but also had the balls to take aim at the drug using, drunken scumbags who occupy the place. It's sad really because there are few places in town that play an 80's mix that don't also host coked up dudes looking to impress skanks with a brand new lease on a used sports car.

I should note that there is some other decent stuff in The Pitch like:

The latest Pitch hit piece on a member of the Black Community: The week's lucky contestant is Troy Nash . . . It's not that I don't agree that he's most likely good for nothing (along with the rest of the council) but I often wonder how a group of largely white hipsters have such insight into this town's African-American affairs.

Oh, and my (proverbial) baby's mama, Nadia Pflaum has an insanely long article about a KCPD officer that supposedly was forced to lie by a supervisor in the Guy Coombs case . . . Apparently, the cop might have botched the investigation of the murdered tourist but I think the moral of the story is overlooked by Pfluam . . . Silly white tourists looking for drugs should take care when "working" with African-American criminals . . . Also, business travelers show their true colors only when they are out of town . . . I can't imagine the guy in question would have hung out with his two (alleged and most likely unconvicted) killers at home. Anyway, it's a long story that basically illustrates a well known fact to KC Natives . . . The police probably spend about half of their time policing themselves . . . Which isn't all together a bad thing but certainly noteworthy.

Open Studios: Make money not (bad) art

Open Studios is the largest area art event held to benefit Kansas City artists. Surprisingly, it actually makes a few bucks for local artists which may or may not be used for causal drug use . . . I found out about the effort because of the new look for the form to take part in the November event was put together by design blog "A little Art."

Dinero and not just deported

The Kansas City Worker Justice Project is one of a growing number of nonprofit groups seeking to collect unpaid wages for immigrant workers . . . They say many undocumented Hispanics don't protest when they aren't paid because they fear deportation.

KMBZ debate: Funkhouser's cold Vulcan logic regarding crime doesn't cut it

Right now I'm listening to KMBZ debate between the Mayoral candidates and the conclusion I've come to is unquestionably correct (like nearly all of my opinions):

Funkhouser is weak on crime.

John and Ellen did an excellent job posing this question to both candidates in regard to our local gang war.

Brooks answered by noting his involvement in the ad-hoc group against crime, his community contacts and even noting efforts to get illegal guns off the streets.

Funkhouser talked about investment, mentioned "data" and didn't say one word about THE PEOPLE in the center of this conflict.

More than anything, when the lack of police cooperation has been notable and violence has taken a toll on this city far greater than the numbers suggest . . . The issue is not just one of cold hard facts but of perception and the strange motivations that lie in people's hearts (I know, I feel the ghey for writing that too).

Anyway . . .

To (attempt to) be fair, Funkhouser shows how Brooks is out of his depth in regard to issues like TIF but I don't believe that's on the top concern against so many people in this city . . . Believe it or not, I haven't made up my mind and look forward to making fun of both of these guys for the next week or so . . . But it's settled on this issue and the cadre of bloggers who unquestioningly back Funkhouser might want to use some of their pull to put this issue in perspective for their candidate. In my mind there is no greater concern for Kansas City than the topic of crime but to read the propaganda of all of the ultra-liberal, lily white bloggers in Kansas City who may or may not cross Troost . . . The subject is not nearly as important as a six month-old pile of papers.

UPDATE:

Other observations: Funkhouser is too nice . . . Does this work? We'll see . . . He had several chances to stick it to Brooks but backed off . . . Playing nice when it comes to talk radio and mad folks may not be the best strategy . . .

Brooks is way too smooth . . . I could hear his smile as he expertly blew off some angry caller . . . He's been doing that for 20 years so it's naturally his bag (nullus).

Funkhouser wins hands down on "integrity talk" it's a cutting campaign theme that I think could resonate in this town . . . I don't know if a week is long enough to drive this issue home but I just thought when he mentioned it that he struck a chord.

Now Darla Jaye is on radio . . . And I'm gonna listen to her voice and do nasty things.

They're replaying the debate at 7p.m. tonight . . . So you can drink while you listen.

One more reminder on why you don't wanna get involved

A Harrisonville woman was shot and killed Wednesday morning while trying to break up an argument in Grandview.

Crack dealing, undercover cop robbing excuse of the day: "“It was a spur of the moment thing about the money."

Kevin M. Releford, 19, was sentenced to 10 years and one month in federal prison for stealing $1,550 from an undercover Kansas City officer . . . Also the guy happens to be one of the many reasons that 71 is so unsafe: "Releford caused a traffic accident that flipped another vehicle. Police arrested him after a foot chase near Bannister Road and U.S. 71" the Star reports.

Cussing and your case

During the few times I've had to go to court (no snitching!!!), I'm always surprised by how people conduct themselves . . . The first thing that sticks out is that I probably should have went to law school considering how dumb most attorneys I meet happen to be and then I wonder why most po'folk like myself don't bother to take the one tie out of their closet for the day when their neck is on the line . . . Additionally, as this story reveals . . . Cussing in local courtrooms isn't a good strategy.

Jackson County Judge Charles Atwell made it clear Wednesday that William E. Harmon behaved improperly at a court hearing earlier this month.

At the previous hearing, Atwell declined to set a new bond for Harmon, who twice had been released on bond and twice was sent back to jail on charges of kidnapping and beating a woman.

Harmon, 25, responded with curses, called the judge an obscene name and said: "I’ve got enough money to have every one of you . . . in here gone."

On Wednesday, Atwell read into the record what happened after that - how Harmon was thrown out of court, cursed deputies as they took him to jail, threatened to beat one deputy and spit at another.

The judge warned Harmon that he put the matter on the record for a reason. If Harmon misbehaves later at trial, Atwell would send him to jail and continue trial without him.

Harmon noted Wednesday that he wrote the judge an apology for the outburst.

Humm, I guess everybody has their own plan for their defense . . . I usually throw myself on my hands and knees and beg at the top of my lungs "Please don't kill me!" I've found this is successful not only in the courtroom but also with women, local police and bill collectors.

STL Edition: The mall where white people used to shop

Bol's insight into the recent troubles of the Galleria in St. Louis should serve as a warning for anybody counting on metro shopping to revitalize the urban core . . . The age restrictions set up for the Galleria seem extensive and will most likely be enforced only by racial profiling . . . Still, if gang fights and throngs of Black kids hanging out killed the once thriving Bannister Mall . . . It can happen anywhere.

Still searching for Jesse Ross

The family is back in Chicago trying to get his name back in the public eye. He was last seen leaving the Sheraton Hotel and the reward is up to 10k.

Leaving on a jet plane

KCI Passenger Traffic Up 4.4 Percent in February

Keep the fire: 75th Street Brewery reopens

A little more than one month after the Waldo fire today one of my favorite places in the metro opens its doors once again . . . They're trying to emphasize that everything in the place is cleaned so the place won't smell like smoke . . . However, maybe the blaze will turn things around because I've rarely if ever seen a hot chick walk into the place even though it's probably one of the best booze spots around. Note: Hard drinking broads rarely have time for hair and makeup . . . I don't know if this is a good or bad thing.

Clearly, KCMO schools aren't teaching kids anything about inertia

Children in go-cart hit bus

KCK tip turns in home full of fugitives

Officers said they found four people wanted on warrants at a home in the 2900 block of North 40th Street.

Hand fishing/noodling = Nastiest sounding sport in the Show-Me State

In what has to be news for the smallest niche (fetish group?) of people I've ever heard of . . . Channel 9 reports that state conservation officials are no longer issuing permits to fish for catfish by hand, a practice known as noodling. The suspension could be made permanent as soon as next month.

I know this is a bit of a slow news week AND nearly every story seems to have been vetted by political flacks but the fact that this item even made the newscast seems fishy. It actually makes me curious . . . Is noodling (???) that awesome that it requires state regulation and in-depth local coverage? Am I missing out on something? I'm not really a big fan of seafood and I don't normally like to touch what I eat with my hands but maybe I should start . . . I did punch a cow once by accident but I had been drinking a lot and it could have be been a fat woman . . . I'm not sure.

Anyway, because of concerns regarding "threats to breeding-age fish" the practice of noodling could once again be a no-no. So, it's quite likely that the only way that a sportsman will get to use his hands and have them smell of fish is to treat his girlfriend and or wife to a night out at the Red Lobster.

(Yes, that was the most juvenile thing I've written all week and I deserve to be slapped)

Pit bull owners packing heat

An Independence man (who else?) allegedly fired shots at an animal control officer as his pit bulls were set to be picked up . . . Once and for all I hope this illustrates that the biggest dangers involving this breed come from THE OWNERS and not the animals whom have yet to learn how to operate firearms.

Mayoral Candidates on the John and Ellen Show today from 8 to 9 a.m. KMBZ 980

Less than one week away from the election, so the debates are only now starting to get interesting. I'm tuning into to hear what they have to say for themselves as they have to wake up far earlier when running for office than they do when one of them finally gets the job . . . I think most KC Mayors haven't started their day before noon since Berkley was in office.

Top Ten small businesses (non-porn) in KC

A surprisingly tech heavy list honored by Greater Kansas City Chamber of Commerce: SoftVu LLC, ViraCor Laboratories, Pro Circuit Inc., Seagull Environmental Technologies Inc., Bennett Packaging of K.C. Inc., First Community Bank, Straub Construction Co. Inc., Sunlight Saunas, Two West Inc., Weyforth-Haas Marketing.

Small town Internets celebrities: Blogger roundup by The Star

Today is blogger day at The Star . . . A huge spread (ew) in the FYI section provides details on some of the better blogs in town.

First I'll start with the good . . .

Tim Engle could be one of the best reporters in the glass house, TIF funded tax abated, corporate paper of record . . . The guy was easy to talk to and his story seems to accurately reflect the fun of the local blogosphere . . . I'm always suspicious of reporters and most of the contact I've had with folks over at the editorial and political wing of The Star has read like ransom notes. You might remember a few years back, Engle also wrote a feature on local bloggers . . . That inspired local meetups and bunch of other get-togethers in our tiny little bloggy community . . . This leads me to my second point:

Ya'll are a lot better looking than I originally thought . . . I knew I wasn't going to send in a photo the second they asked for a mug shot because they probably wouldn't have used this one which really captures my essence:



Still, you folks out there on the local Internets aren't the trolls that I imagined you to be . . . In fact, you guys are pretty cute . . . Best pic probably belonged to Toast:



So what does it all mean?

I'm glad you asked . . . This was actually a pretty awesome feature that has already added a few links to my bloglines list, also what's evident is that this blogging this is still quite personal and hasn't fallen into the hands of politicos or PR hacks which was what I was afraid would happen during this election season . . . Put simply, we're still a good 2 minutes away from jumping the shark.

The next level . . . I hope this inspires some of us to take it to the next level . . . I'm anxious to see what the vlogger scene in KC will look like (even prettier?) in the next few years as the technology slowly gets adopted in our cowtown. Still, I'd say this is a nice moment that some of you should enjoy and show your friends. I would, but I don't have any . . . Still, I think the coverage is great and something to be somewhat proud of given the fact that this pastime at the local level will most likely never pay and holds little to no sway or influence over anyone.

1st day of Spring, already 17 homicides in Kansas City

A man was dead on Tuesday night, the victim of the 17th homicide of the year in Kansas City, Mo. And still nothing more than your basic stump speech and from both guys running for mayor and nearly all of the City Council candidates.

Reach with The Roots

In my opinion, the best rapper in Kansas City will be on the bill tonight with The Roots at Harrah's Voo-doo lounge tonight. Obviously, it'll be a great show but Reach's take on the subject is what's really inspiring . . . Check it out HERE.

Another newsie Myspace

Ty Chandler is the latest addition to KCTV5's "More in the morning" program that you probably watch if you're unemployed or have just recently received a triple bypass.

I don't know much about her but I'm interested because she's kinda hot, she's the new host of KC Currents and it's good to see people of color on the TV news that aren't wanted in connection with Kansas City's local gang war.

Anyway, she also has a myspace page that provides a bit of insight into her and her obviously close knit group of homies. Unfortunately, there is nothing too racy on the site but give her time . . . I think it's some kind of myspace rule that every woman with a page has to post a topless photo within 90 days of setting up a site.

Listen up: There are no votes to be won on the local Internets

Mark Forsythe is going to be on the radio tomorrow to tell us all exactly how much the local blogosphere doesn't matter . . . Listen in at 10AM Thursday. 89.3FM. He'll be on the Walt Bodine show . . . So somebody might want to tell that wonderful, awesome, amazing old man about the interview as well both before and after he does it.

The Combest Ketchup

From right to left John Combest usually catches every link in the four state area . . . So check out his latest catch . . . A great mix of conservative and liberal . . . All of the links included seem to be great reads unless you're the kind of guy who only plays catcher and then I recommend you stick with the Daily Kos . . . Which surprisingly is even more the ghey than Americablog -- A pretty feisty operation that's much more informative than Atrios or any other Hillary and Obama approved propaganda.

Kansas City-St. Joseph Bishop fights porn which apparently a lot worse than poverty

Bishop Robert Finn of Kansas City-St. Joseph, Mo., has issued a pastoral letter as a first step in trying to combat the "plague" of pornography . . . Usually, "porn letters" are much more interesting and start off with the awesome phrase "I never thought this would happen to me BUT . . ."

KC Cabbie swindles sucker fare for 600k

Allegedly . . . making friends with rich old dudes is beneficial even I think it sounds the ghey.

Here are the details regarding the 600k ride a local dude was taken for by one of KC's outstanding cabbies:

A one-time taxi driver who befriended a wealthy antiques dealer must remain jailed before his trial on charges of swindling the elderly man out of more than $600,000, a federal judge ruled.

Ringling Dan Cohn, 55, was indicted and arrested last week on 15 counts alleging he manipulated Griffith Coombs into turning over control of his financial affairs, then tapped various accounts to make expensive purchases for himself and friends and to gamble.

Note: As with any swindle Casino gambling plays a big part with the gully detail that the scam artist in question kept the old, dying man in his basement:

"The next year, Cohn moved Coombs (the old dude with money) out of the care center and into the basement bedroom of a home on the city's east side that Cohn shared with his girlfriend.

Cohn's lifestyle improved steadily as Coombs signed documents naming Cohn as the beneficiary of his will, giving Cohn authority to sign legal documents in his name and adding Cohn as a signatory on his bank accounts, records say.

Cohn paid more than $87,000 for a 2004 Hummer H2 and a 2005 Chrysler 300. Detectives testified Monday that Cohn's house was full of new furniture and big-screen television sets, and that Cohn and his girlfriend lost more than $150,000 gambling at casinos."

Additional note, this hasn't been a good month for KC Cabbies given another recent story in which a driver killed a guy for stiffing him (nullus) . . . Strange indeed that folks with one of the most dangerous jobs in the city seem to be striking back.

Maybee all that concern about the crap we spray in produce isn't unfounded

Bees are dying off around Missouri . . . A beekeeper group suspects chemical herbicides are upsetting bees' sense of navigation.

Barnes blasts critics/reality!!!

In her never ending attempt to bring Brooks down with her, her Queen Highness (Stan Glazer's term) in a press conference that was only marginally related to the TIF audit and had more to do with her future ambitions noted the following in yet another example that women don't understand basic math :

"I am outraged by what is going on in this community," Barnes said during a news conference she called in her City Hall office. "It is time to push back hard and make it very clear that I'm not going to stand for this community to go down the drain because of some outrageous, biased, distorted, supposed facts being presented."

My God, this is why they have that saying about never letting a vampire into your house. This woman is like Glenn Close in the last part of Fatal Attraction . . . Like all old ladies you might ever mistakenly hop in the sack with . . . They SIMPLY WILL NOT GO AWAY. Let this be a warning, beware the wrath of the old white woman! It's almost unbelievable that any broad could nearly single handedly bring this city to the point of bankruptcy and set the cause of female politicians back more than 30 years . . . Oh, and let's not forget about the empty Sprint Center which now seems only to echo with her desperate shrieks.

SHOCK: The chicken entrée shortage that started in Kansas City!!!

Applebee's to close 24 restaurants in cost-cutting move

Overland Park skank is stealing money without providing sexual favors!!!

Overland Park Police are looking for a woman who is suspected of stealing wallets and purses . . . And that's just sad, usually you at least get to "enjoy" a dinner at the Cheesecake Factory or some other mid-level corporate chain restaurant and then maybe an unenthusiastic hand job when dating a JoCo woman who only wants you for your money. This world is going to Hell.

KC bystander helps nab bank robber

I wouldn't even call this snitching . . . Following a bank robber is not only a good move for educational purposes (you never know when things are gonna get really tight) but also a bag of money might come tumbling loose. Anyway, neither one of these things happened BUT a nearby dude helped foil a bank robbery yesterday.

"Hip-hop is rock 'n' roll"

I couldn't have said it any better "Biochemical Slang" so I guess I better link.

The TKC travel companion

Just when I thought I wasn't going to go walking today, uberblogger Ramsey gives me some inspiration and yet another reminder that public transportation sucks across the world.

Don't ever expect a payday from a casino

Local blog "Come with the real" takes apart the suckers who thought that "earning points" at a Show-Me State casino counted for anything but steps toward bankruptcy.

KC Tradition: Hip-Hop & Hot Wings

As much as I want to make fun of this event, I actually think it's pretty cool. The folks at the Democracy and Hip-hop project recently provided a lot of details regarding this often overlooked sample of local flavor.

Facinating fossil facts from TFK

Some clarification about fossils and more insights into evolution. Amazing stuff.

Here's how Funkhouser could win: The final revenge of Chuck Eddy!!!

Other people have noted this previously but I've never been accused of having too many original insights . . . Anyway, by now (unless you are hopelessly naive) you know that the upcoming mayoral election in Kansas City is going to be solely about race.

Here's how it could work to Funkhouser's benefit in order to trump the (my term) "monolithic Black vote in Kansas City" . . .

The Northland is all white and will turn out for Funkhouser in full force.

It seems that the liberal, white 4th District has taken to Funkhouser's hippie grass roots pose (nothing more than that) and will swing his way. Ew, the thought of left over hippie swingers just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Obviously, the 3rd and every other part of town with Black people in it will vote for Brooks.

HOWEVER, people always underestimate the prejudice of other ethnic groups and the La Raza endorsement was a lot bigger than folks think . . . Another interesting factor, a previous poll pointed out that Latinos favor Funkhouser by 67% . . . That's pretty huge for people who always turn out to vote but rarely do it as a bloc . . . The only common thread we share is that of dissension along with our own special brand of racial prejudice and I think at least one half of that equation is gully . . . Also, and (thankfully) this hasn't been an issue in KC as much BUT Blacks and Latinos haven't really been very fond of each other as of late and this fact has been EXPLOITED to stir all kinds of entertaining media.

Finally, and this is most important . . . The racially mixed and utterly tense 6th District will decide this race.

And that's the scary part . . . I like the 6th District because it's probably the most neglected part of this town and I'm especially fond of the folks who've gathered to speak their mind regarding Red Bridge Road . . . But they aren't exactly politically savvy . . . Maybe that's why they're so good. They've received one broken promise after the next and continue to solicit help and offer candidates from across the city a chance to speak. They've slated two events for this week that might have a bigger impact than previously thought:

Thursday, March 22nd, 7:00 - 8:30 PM
Red Bridge Baptist Church, 4901 E Red Bridge Road
They are putting on a forum hosting the following candidates:

Deb Hermann
Ed Ford
D. D. Williams
Doug Gamble
Cindy Circo

And, more importantly, it seems as if they want to put themselves in the tall, protective, but so far unproven pocket of Mark Funkhouser when it comes to the future of their neighborhood . . . As of right now they're having some kind of event for the guy at Red Bridge shopping center . . . Sadly, he'll be talking about sidewalks and not saving homes.

This doesn't bode will for Brooks because he chose to get into bed with Chuck Eddy on the whole Triangle Bypass deal that the Red Bridge Road folks have vehemently opposed and which probably accounted for Eddy's poor showing.

However, I should note that this cadre of 50 or so folks are loud but may not hold very much political sway . . . I went campaigning in the 6th District as well and more than any other part of the city I ran into people who wanted absolutely no part in this town's politics . . . Frankly, the biggest power in the 6th District isn't any political machine but the folks who hang out at the insanely titled International House of Prayer.

Yeah, for better or worse it's Jesus who gets the bigger crowd in that part of town. I don't know if that favors any political candidate but I'm guessing it's decidedly bad for Funkhouser and all of the godless hippies of whom he has drawn so much support.

Anyway, his move to connect with the few people who vote without the help of the Almighty (a good move) in this neglected chunk of Kansas City is smart nevertheless and Brooks backing Eddy may cost him the race.

Obviously, this is all just opinion, only Jesus knows for sure.

Not citizen media, just politics: Bloggers breaking arms to pat themselves on back

I think Winston Wolf said it best in the epic film Pulp Fiction when he uttered the phrase: "Let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet!"

And that's what is obvious about the so-called breakthrough for citizen media in Kansas City started by local do-gooder Heidi and her lesbian attack dogs (sessy!) at The Flossing of America as they celebrate a stack of papers as if they were sacred -- odd because bloggers usually pan that type of behavior when the scrolls in question are the bible. But I digress . . .

The blogger hype and quickly ensuing disappointment got a big mention today from BlogKC who noted the following:

Oh, and thanks to The Star for not mentioning the fact that this whole thing came about because of the blogosphere. Maybe they are a little sensitive that it only tooks us 24 hours to resolve a problem that they had been complaining about for weeks.

True, but being right and truthful along with 7 bucks will only buy you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

Anyway . . .

They're all celebrating the release of the TIF Audit like it was the second coming and boo-hooing about not getting their props from the mainstream media. Too bad it's already yesterday's news and played off perfectly by the Brooks/Kay bunch.

I won't say that Heidi's efforts weren't impressive but they were also transparent. The Brooks camp was correct in pointing out that the timing of this release was political in as much as all of these bloggers and people behind this effort were nothing more than Funkhouser supporters championing his biggest non-issue. Hell, even Stan Glazer had the courage to stand up to Country Club Kay directly but these folks are doing it as she's walking at the door and attempting to tie in Brooks to a Kay's sins . . . I understand the association and it's somewhat accurate but they're playing right into the hands of the Funkhouser camp whether they admit it or not.

"But Tony!" you might ask, "They still got this important document released to the public!!! That's Democracy in action even if it does favor the Funk!"

Maybe. But don't you wonder why the thing was released? If you're twelve years-old you might think it was because of the uprising of bloggers and citizens and the power of the pen OR (for all of the adults) It just might have something to do with the fact that there are some folks at City Hall who are down right scared of what's going to happen when another Black administration takes over the building (More on this later). The Cleaver years offered little more than hand over fist corruption at City Hall and people are certainly shaking in their boots at the prospect of a Cauthen and Brooks partnership that's sure to result in patronage for unruly (middle class) Black folks and will obviously change the culture from that of the comfy Country Club Kay years.

So . . . NO, this was not some breakthrough for the power of the citizen media but rather 3 or 4 local bloggers getting PLAYED (willingly hopefully) by the bigger political establishment and providing yet another Internet volley of free (Internet - ugh) press for their favorite candidate . . . It almost seems like desperation because from what I've seen: The candidate who has to pander to the online crowd is almost always destined to lose and playing little games with the press (citizen or otherwise) is no substitute for playing Kansas City politics the proper way (i.e. buying votes).

Downer links on dark day

Bush in Claycomo to save fuel for his sinking ship of an administration.

Overland Park man in jail after molesting 14 year-old girl.

Rock Chalk Locked Up: A KU Student has been arrested on attempted rape charges.

Fire forces out South KC family

Recalled to the big pound in the sky: Overland Park dog put down over pet food.

Home alone scenario isn't so funny when it involves an infant.

A better way to bill you . . . AT&T's Uverse comes to Kansas City. Here's some background on the newest latest tech from the telcom company that should guarantee your home entertainment costs are in the mid triple figures.

Surprisingly, everybody isn't moving to the suburbs after all

KC-area house sales increase 16 percent

An extremely overlooked fact . . .

A great essay from local blog General Blather points out what most people miss about every makeover . . . It doesn't really affect anything but appearance . . . Money line: "Nothing has really changed with the family dynamic."

Now in really important news: The whereabouts of broads with kneepads in KC

The KC Kitty posts info regarding the upcoming Roller Warriors season. Here is a quick peek . . . At their schedule:

First game:

DOWN ‘N' DERBY
Saturday, April 7th 7:00 p.m.
Hale Arena (a.k.a. American Royal)

2007 Season Schedule
April 7 - Down 'n' Derby
May 5 - Cinco de Skato
June 16 - Jammit!
July 14 - Rink of Fire (Championship Bout)
August 11 - Crash & Dash
September 15 - Derbyfest Destiny

Kansas City’s most popular developer tax incentive has generated $233 million less in revenues than originally projected

But we're gonna make that up with a hockey team, right? Still, I think the important thing to remember in all of this is that very little of that money went to people of color . . . Which is always an added bonus, very much like discovering that a minority isn't a culprit in an extremely gruesome crime.

TIF audit released!!! Two to three dozen people bother to read it!

You mean that bloggers can do something other than complain or post sexy pics? Blasphemy!!! Anyway, the TIF audit is released thanks to the efforts of local blogger Heidi and a lot of other people who wear glasses. BlogKC explains it better basically showing how the projects don't take in as much money as they cost . . . Which seems to be the legacy of Country Club Kay's administration. However, and sadly for Funkhouser supporters . . . There is no photo of Alvin Brooks making it rain while standing on top of a pile of money . . . Not that I don't think it's interesting but the same people who discovered this will forget about it when Kay faces her Republican opponent in whatever higher office she plans to chase.

Mayoral Candidates on Crime in Kansas City

These interviews represent what is probably the most in-depth probing of the mayoral candidates (ew) on the issue of crime. The story from KC Currents is definitely worth checking out if you care at all about reality on the streets of this city and how both sides plan to confront it.

Even on the face of it, public transportation isn't all it's cracked up to be . . .

Teen Girl Shot In Face At Bus Stop

Hot air or is the answer blowing in the wind?

The Star reports that Kansas City Power & Light recently cut a deal to build wind farms and use cutting-edge technology to make its power plants among the nation's cleanest.

Pigs and playing nice

I think most people don't really appreciate nice campaigning . . . It's pretty useless and never persuades. Politicos want to keep themselves clean but eventually most close elections come down to who can sling the most mud . . . Very much like a pigs.

Similarly, the latest ad from the Funkhouser campaign visually associates pigs with folks who have profited from this town's TIF spending spree . . . I don't disagree one bit but what I will note is that these commercials speak much more clearly to the character of the campaign that Funkhouser is running than the poodle videos . . . As always, now that things get serious people put aside their nice faces and puppies. Fine by me but I wonder how all of that so-called "grass roots support" base that Funkhouser holds (outside of Star columnists) will react to the clearly negative imagery . . . If anything, I think the abandonment of the "nice guy" approach is probably a benefit since nobody running for public office is as altruistic as the Funkhouser camp claims to be . . . Politics is about power and the people who want it shouldn't be ashamed of their motives.

What concerns me more is this obsession with TIF that the Funkhouser supporters have adopted. Certainly, TIF is the hallmark of Mayor Kay's administration but I'm convinced that macro economic trends and the simple fact that Kay maxed out this town's credit cards will prevent the same kind of abuse in the future. Like most politicos, Funkhouser is one step behind -- battling an issue where he knows he strong but missing the bigger picture. Additionally, whenever his people go on a TIF tirade they fail to talk about:

Crime

Neighborhoods

Education

Infrastructure

The desperate need of this city to withdraw the metro ban of the 40oz. - Damn Aggie Stackhaus!!!

Anyway, I'm all for negative campaigning and I think it tells you were a candidate and his people really stand. But what is clear in this instance is that the Funkhouser camp is no longer above the fray . . . The have portrayed themselves to be outsiders but that's no longer true . . . They're slinging mud just like pros and they shouldn't be surprised when some of it comes back in their direction.

There are always funds for fear

Because the Sheriff's Department wasn't doing it . . . The Jackson County Legislature moved to find money in the Sheriff's budget to track sex offenders . . . Which, as expensive as it might seem, is far easier than getting people to take proper care of their kids or realize that most victims of sex crimes already know their attackers.

Still, when there are political points to be won it's far easier to give into hysteria regarding the subject . . . Which is not to say that I want to fight for the rights of sex offenders but giving into every whim of bored housewives is probably a better job for Dr. Phil than politicians.

Michael Brooks is much better than Circo

His profile is featured today in The Star and reveals that pastors have inspired him to political office . . . Which seems a lot more substantial than some white broad in a business suit looking to pad her resume.

Here's how your taxes are helping a team without a playoff win in ten years!!!

Chiefs will spend $30M on practice facility, office building.

Mennonites To Leave Missouri Over Photo ID

Strange . . . because the desired effect was to get rid of Mexicans.

Scholarship comes from sad story

I'm not going to go into details regarding the Olivia Raya and Tony Rios story because they're dead and it doesn't really matter now that their (alleged) murderers have been discovered. Even better, a scholarship dedicated to Olivia's memory is being offered at Rockhurst College . . . Which will no doubt attract more Latinos than whatever empty gesture UMKC has recently come up with . . . Still, at every mention of the long, lost couple I feel like I have to swallow my sentiments when it comes to the reality of this case . . . The aftermath of the tragic situation has driven Sylvia Raya (Olivia's mom) to become more involved in the community which has benefited everyone with a number of anti-crime marches, rallies and awareness of the subject in the Latino community . . . And now some kid will get a break in going to college because of the tragic events that lead to their deaths.

Still, I aways wonder when someone will address the circumstances that lead directly to the situation . . . I'm not gonna do it but there is not one member of the community who hasn't spoken of their own suspicions in private . . . It's none of my business and from what I've seen the outcome of the whole thing has inspired other good people to go on and try to accomplish great things . . . And that's probably more important: the circumstance of tragedy seems to be completely outweighed by how people deal with it . . . It's probably a life lesson that was taught to this community in a brutal fashion and something that didn't really hit home for me when watching Scooby-Doo cartoons or after school specials.

Will judge dismiss Shields case as quickly as voters overlooked her?

Was Kathrine Shields singled out for persecution prosecution simply because she is a staunch Democrat? If so, can I file the same charges against my vegan neighbors? Who knows? But with no public office (resources and chauffeur service) to protect her then she certainly is within her rights to ask for mercy.

Blogger and the big screen

The X-man provides some pretty interesting details regarding his first job in the movie biz and how even a small role in the industry gives you enormous power to take revenge on the public.

Blogger hate and politics

I wouldn't necessarily call it hate but a local blogger certainly has a way with colorful language in describing some of the local politicos who have been unlucky enough to get on her bad side . . . Enjoy the round-up and the humorous depictions.

Brooks has more bucks

Pre-campaign spending reports show Brooks with more money.

From the little that I know about politics, the person with the most money usually wins but still there is no telling if the bigger war chest will offset The Star's friendly coverage as Brooks has banked $461,553 to Funkhouser's $240,568 and before you get off on that "big money" rant it's important to know that the discrepancy between their post-primary fundraising hasn't been that great . . . $229,084. to $154,264 favoring Brooks once again.

$cientology in the City

Yesterday, Just Cara found the only reason for hope in this city . . . Which obviously I looked over. Anyway, the good news is: The Church of Scientology is moving its offices and worship center to downtown Kansas City and has purchased a historic former bank building at 1801 Grand Blvd.

Obviously, this means that the urban renaissance in Kansas City is real because you never see one of those dianetics popsicle stands in a dilapidated downtown area. Right? And awesome tenants downtown like the $cientology crowd DO NOT prey upon the confused, false hope of the same people who would also believe that snatching up buildings from businesses and longtime residents in order to build luxury living space is a good idea and ultimately benefits the community. Actually, the $cientologists have purchased a beautiful building and I hope that this might mean more celebrities making a stop in this little cowtown . . . Folks like Jenna Elfman (???) are sure to make our days brighter and fulfill our silly need for self-reliance or pocket change.

Anyway, I'll just enjoy the company because as a worshiper of white women, I tend to be pretty tolerant of all faiths.

Tense race: Brooks leads Funkhouser

It's still close and still within the margin of error . . . 48% said they would vote for Alvin Brooks, while 46% said they would choose Mark Funkhouser.