So, it turns out that I got played during this election . . . Let me share my side of the story:
The intro
This blog is about jokes. This blog is about making fun people in power because I'm basically powerless and this little pastime of mine is just about the only thing that keeps me from opening up my wrists during one of my rare instances of bathing.
I try to be merciless but I'm not a madman, I know all about laws concerning slander, copyright (fair use), libel and parody. Also, I advise everyone to stop reading this blog and I could really care less if any of you d-bags find my jokes, opinions or commentary funny.
The sitch
As the election got going I was pleased that Funkhouser moved into second place because the guy is ripe to make fun of . . . I'm sure he's nice but rumor has it that everybody called him Lurch behind his back at City Hall. And there's no funking end to the wordplay jokes with his name.
Naturally, I let loose with a few nasty posts and got a few decent responses to my mean spirited humor.
Then I get one e-mail after the next from Joe Miller . . . Typical blogger stuff. "Are you talking about me?" "Why are you so mean?" "You just don't get it." The kind of thing I usually ignore if it wasn't for the fact that I've went out to dinner a few times with Joe and I've even seen the inside of his house. The e-mails went on for a week and we agreed to meet for coffee to talk about future "Mayor Funky."
Why? Well, as you may have already guessed: I have no friends. I openly admit that I have a pretty sad and miserable existence (that I'm thankful for nonetheless). When I get work, it's usually stuff that I do in front of the computer and to be honest: It gets down right lonely in my mom's basement.
So I actually entertained the thought of lightening up on Funkhouser for my "buddy" as the election drew near. And believe it or not . . . I did. All my anti-Funkhouser comments were far more tame than I had ever planned. My reaction to all the blogger cheerleading was disgust and I was just waiting to let loose . . . And while I did note my feelings on the matter, I never really posted as many nasty things as I wanted to . . .
The Future
However, a brief mention of Miller in a Star article today regarding Mayor Funky's plans for his new administration clues me into the fact that I was expertly played for a sucker and my lenience on the Funkhouser campaign served only to provide Miller with a stepping stone to a pretty decent career in politics . . .
Q: Who is going to be advising you — who is going to be on your staff?Yeah, I got played . . . In much the same way that all of those Black kids that Miller documented in his book didn't get much out of the deal except for the details of their lives being callously broadcast to millions of NPR listeners and the pleasure of being portrayed in a typical white fantasy in which liberals who "get" the Black experience single-handedly act as saviors of the "po'Black chillens" and do so much more for them than self-determination or a stable family unit ever could. I only hope those kids got a piece of the book money as well. Oh, I'm sure there might be a few of you rushing to Miller's defense but I should also note that his protégé Marcus Leach often asks people not to mention his appearance in the book because he's seemingly a bit embarrassed of being stereotypically lumped into the simplistic "downtrodden, Black kid with a heart of gold" category that gets so many white liberals mugged when they should be (justifiably according to statistics) clutching their purses and or wallets. (Note: My evidence for this statement comes from a chance encounter with Leach, in which I asked him if he was one of "Joe's Kids" and he kind of shrugged it off and blushed a little bit . . . Which is a feat for any Black dude - He could have been blowing me off (no homo) because I'm an asshole but the response seemed genuine).
A: We haven’t worked out details yet. Ed Wolf (longtime public works director who retired in 2003) will probably be a significant player. … Joe Miller (former Pitch writer and a Funkhouser campaign spokesman) will be a significant voice in the mayor’s office.
ANYWAY . . .
During the quick meeting at Coffee Girls I asked Joe about the possible conflicts regarding his new career . . . He gave me some spiel about "participatory journalism."
That works for me . . . I'm sure it's the same thing Dick Morris tells himself at night.
Thing is, I don't like lackeys no matter what they call themselves.
And as much as I need friends . . . It would just be a gigantic sellout for me to take it easy on Funkhouser for the next four years just because Joe Miller is a good guy. Especially given the fact that I'm not getting anything out of it AND documenting Funkhouser's failures (of which there will undoubtedly be many that won't be all his fault) is basically what this blog is for . . . So, if that costs me a "friendship" which I was never quite sure was there in the first place. Then so be it.
A lonely basement dwelling blogger I may be but it's not even worth running this blog if the opinions and jokes don't belong to me.
Witchy Woman
I'm kicking myself big time for failing to mention the RUMORS regarding Gloria Squirto's (Funkhouser's wife) alleged association with Wiccan forces . . . That's an old media trick that works in this situation, I don't know Squirto, I don't care about her but I am reporting the fact that there are RUMORS about her involvement with Tarot cards, local witches and the like . . . While I'm not surprised that The Star didn't include the mention of this speculation in their article about the wives of the candidates . . . I'm surprised not one local blogger ran with the RUMOR. I figured it would be one of many things I didn't post
A new day of sunshine...Come to think of it, I don't feel sleazy at all for posting this because I think a real alternative opinion source allows for ALL viewpoints AND . . . The superstitions that I subscribe to are in direct conflict with all of that Tarot card nonsense. When I ask what the Big JC would do . . . I come to the conclusion that he might not have much sympathy for witchcraft and would want to give everyone the opportunity to denounce it. Can I get an Amen?! And Hallelujah! Also, if these rumors are off base, they merely represent an opportunity for "the campaign manager" of the winning candidate to come clean and tell us that she has never taken part in a Tarot card reading.
Submitted by ntheno to the KC Buzz Blog on March 25, 2007 - 9:39pm.
Yes! a new day of sunshine...That is one way of looking at it... It sounds like Mark may be getting his advice from his wife (with the help of Tarot cards.. ) Did I read that article right, I had to reread. Even the KC Star was shocked! Is she channeling Abe's wife or is it an latent acid trip.. I am frightened. And my guess is, I am not alone.
This keeps getting stranger and stranger, and I for one am longing for the good ole days of Stan Glazer. He had bigger ideas and a less crazy family...... Also any else hear about the Wiccan rumors???? This is getting better and better. Below is a text of the Squitior Wiccan religion.." Sign me up, is the headquarters going to be next to the new Scientology campus at the KC Star facility. You can either laugh or cry at this... I personally am beside myself.
BUT I just regret that I didn't REPORT THE RUMOR given that I'm sure at least one thousand voters might have had wanted to know whether or not WITCHCRAFT played a role in the home life of the Mayor.
So, I'm a bit sorry that I overlooked this aspect of the campaign simply for some misguided attempt at friendship.
AFTERMATH
And now it's all out there . . . I don't feel like I'm stifling my joke blog by pulling punches anymore . . . There was no reason to do it if there wasn't going to be a payday. And honestly, I don't have any faith in Funkhouser as a Mayor and undoubtedly the dude would never make a difference in my life.
So, congratulations on your cushy job Joe!!! I don't want to maintain the illusion of friendship because I just don't think it's possible when I consider it a priority, as long as I'm taking in breath to question and pester and cause (jokey) problems for people in power.
I think we had a good run, I filed some pretty nice posts in your favor but your new position (no homo) now puts us in direct opposition. Is this all jealousy? Sure, why not. From what I've read on the local internets, anything less than full fledged support for Funkhouser is tantamount to heresy (very much like witchcraft to us Cath-o-holics).
I hope that you'll shake my hand if I ever see you again. I even invite you to keep on sending cutesy e-mails to my girlfriend and keep her on your "long plan" if the new marriage doesn't work out.
But the truth is . . . I don't have pals when it comes to politics. And I'm through playing nice with newly elected neophytes who pose just as great of a threat to this city as the outgoing bunch of corrupt Council people.
Awww, poor Tony! Poor, poor Tony!
ReplyDeleteTony wanted to dispatch nasty, unfounded, unresearched and unknowing missives about a guy he's unfamiliar with (but doesn't like because he's white), but couldn't because someone else got in the way. So Tony missed an opportunity to bury his credibility even further, so what?
You're irrelevant, Tony.
Wow, where do I send the tissues?
ReplyDeleteI've got to quit torturing myself with your self pity?
P.S. Quit pretending the things you say are "jokes". You are just a little racist man filled with so much angst, and everybody is starting to figure that out...probably why your readership is all but dead unless there is an election going on.
'Christians' are the most pussy hurt group of asshats on the planet.
ReplyDeleteDude get some anti-anxiety meds.
ReplyDeleteTony,
ReplyDeleteApology accepted.
Way to pussy out right before the election. We all knew you were being told what to do by Funkhouser's camp....
ReplyDeleteI just never thought you'd be stupid enough to sell out for nothing.
Way to get played, fool.
ps: They triangulated your ethnic group perfectly to get the votes needed to win. Good luck gettin your mom to bend Funk's ear. ha ha
I can literally hear the crickets on this blog now.
ReplyDeleteHas anyone become irrevelant faster?
Tony,
ReplyDeleteSo let me get this straight. A friend of yours (Joe Miller) worked on the Funkhouser campaign. Joe asks why you are so hard on Funkhouser. After you talk with Joe and he gives his speech of why Funkhouser is so great and wonderful, you decide to take it a litle eaiser on Funkhouser. Now you are mad that Joe got a job with the new mayor and you feel he used you to get that job.
That about sum it up?
I was expertly played for a sucker
Joe just tried to explain to you why Funkhouser was great and why you should be easier on him. That is not playing you for a sucker. All that is explaining his side. If I talk to Chuck Eddy and explain why my house shouldn't be turned into a bridge, am I playing Chuck for sucker?
He gave me some spiel about "participatory journalism."
I had always thought that Joe was a regular campaigner for Funkhouser. From what I saw at least, he never portrayed himself as some disinterested journalist. Most people who saw him with the Funkhouser campaign probably had no idea he ever wrote for the Pitch.
I don't want to maintain the illusion of friendship
Just because he is/was your friend doesn't mean you couldn't write about the new mayor. If he can't handle the critisism, thats his problem. But trying to persuade you to his side over a cup of lesbian coffee is not playing you for a sucker.
Tony, you need realize that just because you get a dozen angry emails a day, have no friends and live in your moms basement, not everyone is out to get you.
Damn, dude. When you burn bridges, you BURN bridges.
ReplyDeleteThis ranks right up there with Mayor Kay's snit about the TIF audit. It's another funny spectacle that at the very least makes you seem more pathetic than the other guy.
Don't hate the player, Tony, hate the game.
ReplyDelete(Relax, kids! Nothing to see here - all this is probably smoke and mirrors anyway. Tony's carefully cultivated his outsider cred, and if he's seen as close to the new mayor, he won't be able to post with the bitter enthusiasm we all have come to love and expect. Let the scene play for a bit and things will get back to normal.)
TKC You are a douche bag,
ReplyDeleteget a life, just because other people actually want DO some thing about Politics And not Mudsling from the Basement window, makes them sell outs??
Notlancealot
i'ts not like it was unexpected, the job thing. why wouldn't he wanna keep on helping a guy he believes in?
ReplyDeleteit's also, like other joe (joeinkc) said, explaining a point doesn't have to be playing someone for a fool; no one ever knows all of anyone's motivations anyway.
did you ask joe miller a direct question, such as "are you getting paid for this?" or "do you see this transitioning to a larger job?" - and he said he wasn't?
. . . .
if anything, you were less than transparent when you altered your blogged anti-funk opinions based on your motivation of friendship.
then again, it's a blog, the kind of place where everything is personal and smudged with motives. fun.
What a juicy read! I don't know how long this post was, but it went too fast. More like this, please!
ReplyDeleteMONSTER FUCKING POST!
ReplyDeleteThank you TKC. You make me laugh my ass off.
Tony,
ReplyDeleteYou are a loser. I agree that your blog is not a "joke blog." These are real people that you cut down, degrade and smear. Many of them are nice people. It's no surprise you don't have any friends. And you supposedly have a girlfriend? Let me guess - she's made of plastic and she loves hanging out with you in your mom's basement.
Sleazy dude. Just fucking sleazy. You do no deserve friends.
ReplyDeleteYou're a brave man. I wouldn't besmirch these dark forces dude. Now you have to sleep with garlic.
ReplyDeleteWhat a JERK you have shown yourself to be Tony. It's no wonder you don't have any friends. Also, maybe you should get a real job and get out of your mom's basement if you want any hope of changing your life for the better.
ReplyDeletefucking coward. What good does any of this do AFTER the election?
ReplyDeleteThe people have spoken TKC is a D-Bag
ReplyDeleteThose people worked damn hard for Funk Gloria spent countless hours working, as did a number of other volunteers, You helped at one point, but since you are a TOOL, you don't get invited to be part of what happens next. Stay in the basement with the crusty socks, hold your razor in the tube, what ever. Don't attack people just for the hell of it. That is not humor
it is shit. Throwing shit on good people's shoes from a basement window. You had a forum man.
What did you use it for?
How you got that forum is beyond me, oh, because you were found out for smearing your Mom's oppenent.
Who's the D-BAG? You had some decent moments and you decided it was funny to be a shit.
This blog is pointless and childish
Sorry you were the first to lose out, or not get your way in Politics, it will be a blow to all blogs forever. Who wants your shit attached to them?
I spent many hours in that doublewide and they are all decent people, so go start your bath.
Or Write an apology to all the people WHO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING
Like "Red" on The Flossing of America, or Hiedi or any others who show you to be a fool.
Lots of us but up a stupid rant here and there, you are just mean.
Sorry Rays is noe closed, no more girlfriends.
James C
You know guys, it's responses like these that make his blog newsworthy.
ReplyDeleteIf everybody ignores him, like he says he wants, it'll really kill him.
anyone with half a noggin can see that he was expecting his momma to get tapped for something in Funkhouser's campaign and when she got shut out you went ape-shit.
ReplyDeleteThe pathetic thing was reading this blog the last week of the election with you too timid to actually blast funkhouser, too bitter to actually endorse someone, and the realization too late that your 'blog community' got played like a banjo (except you were the only ones to sell your integrity for air instead of magic beans). I must admit it was like a trainwreck.
You do a much better job lampooning other KC things, politics isn't your forte.
Maybe you should get out around KC and participate in activities. It is tough to write a humor blog about KC culture from a fold out window in a poured concrete basement.
The Big Lebowski starts at 945 at the Screenland. Have a drink, chill out, and stop writing about politics.
Your blog was better before the mayor's race.
Rebound like tricky Dick Nixon. There are not a lot of good blogs in KC (too heavy on the unparagraphed essays or lame angst). At least I can say I read it on a regular basis and it entertains me for a number of reasons.
-gorilla the desperado
nota bene to KC: I think it is telling of the kind of man Funkhouser is that one of his workers just told somebody to slit their wrists in a tub.
What is says is I am tired of people using that line to justify being shitty. of course niether of us means it, it is just a weak excuse, and cry for attention, he got it, so put some bubbles in it and play nice.
ReplyDeleteAnd That is all for me on this blog.
IGNORE TKC!!!
ReplyDeleteYou should also stick you head in the ground and never read anything which reflects negatively about your candidate of choice!!
ReplyDeleteFind out the facts
ReplyDeleteI said it before and I'll say it again. Go Funk yourself Tony.
ReplyDeleteYou should have joined up. You should have supported someone who can make a change and now this whole town is going to move forward without you. You'll be left in the basement you joke about and you will not be a part of the greatest progress yet to come.
omg you guys, what is the average age of people reading this thing, like 30? Older?? Grow the fuck up, if this fucking tome accomplished anything, this Joe person probably just got a promotion and is getting his dick sucked this very minute.
ReplyDelete8:52 pm anon: like you're doing, LOser? You'll be back!
ReplyDeleteGotta love anonymous comments on a blog. Laziness really, it only takes a minute to make up a fake profile, guys.
ReplyDeleteHere's the deal...Tony owes no apology...you see he made his own blog, set for his own opinions and when he's taking jabs at people you don't like, you think it is funny as hell, but, when he's swiping at someone you do like, you take offense. If you want to challenge his ideas, well here's the forum, but I only see about eighty percent name-calling. Hell Tony will actually wrap an idea around a good name-calling diatribe.
I find the only hypocrites on this post are in the comments section where there is this false sense of "appalled." This is coming from somebody who has taken one of his jabs...which by the way was pretty funny and in many ways, on point. So, next time an anonymous post from someone who can't spell wants to come to the defense of The Floss...don't. I think we take care of ourselves quite well...oh yeah, and we use spell check, which is built in here for chrissake.
Shut up. Bimbo. Go stick your head in a dictionary. If we want to be anonymous, pissed off bad spellers, we will. F.U.
ReplyDeleteFuck those fucking fuckers! Viva la Revolucion!
ReplyDeleteMy, what an EXPOSE! Someone working on a campaign tried to spin the benefits of the candidate they work for toward someone else who has an audience. Imagine that!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing is, Tony, the joke is on you. Like a bad journalist and an even worse political blogger, you fell for it. You weren't even discerning enough to see it for what it was.
The joke's on you.
I don't know what was better, the post or the comments. It's like a circus sideshow.
ReplyDeleteI think Tony is really pretty...for a Mexican.