In what might possibly THE WORST ROAD TRIP EVER, and Overland Park man has recently brought some noteriety and PRIDE to the name of his community . . . OR, if you truly know the nature of the suburbs in and around Kansas City . . . You aren't really surprised to read about a poor, downtrodden Overland Park man WHO HAD MORE THAN $1,000 WORTH OF PENIS PUMPS STOLEN FROM HIS VEHICLE!!!
Council Bluffs Police reports stated officers were called to the Fairfield Inn, located at 520 30th Ave., for a report of a burglary to a vehicle at 9:40 p.m.I'm pretty sure that has to be the most embarrassing police report you'd ever have to file or at least ranks right up there with the time I had to provide details regarding a gang of midgets who gave me a beatdown because I like to pretend I'm a giant monster when I'm depressed.
An Overland Park, Kan., man told officers someone broke the passenger side window on his vehicle and stole five penis pumps and parts, valued at $1,300, according to police reports. Damage to the window was placed at $200.
At the time of the report, the victim found no other items missing or no other damage to his vehicle. The case was marked inactive because there were no suspects or witness information available.
I don't even want to ask the obvious question: WHAT IN THE HELL WAS HE DOING WITH 1K WORTH OF PENIS PUMPS? Because I'm pretty sure that my brain would explode if given the answer. Personally, I always doubted that anybody really had a penis that small and and a complex to do something about it with the notable exception of Lou Dobbs and Kris Kobach -- And the answer they found was to take their aggression regarding the matter out on Mexicans instead of investing in unproven (how would I know that?) technology.
Anyway, the point is that we all need to take care when taking a road trip and secure our valuables, penis pumps and anything that might be potentially embarrassing. I know that I always dread telling people that my downtown dwelling is a basement and not a loft.
Hat tip: Across-the-board.com
I'm just curious if the guy had the balls to turn this in on his insurance - and if so... did they pay for the new pumps or require him to prove they were "medically necessary"???
ReplyDelete-W-
I can't imagine the call to the cops. And if they do manage to find his pumps, does he want them back?
ReplyDeleteMay be he was a pump pimp, and sold them?
ReplyDeleteJeez, Tony. You're channalling Greg Reeves. When the going gets tough make a post containing the word 'penis'.
ReplyDeleteHow would you like to be the gang-initiate who boosted this guy's car?
ReplyDeleteYou're supposed to go break into a guy's car and steal his box of cds to gain membership into the gang and you bring back... five penis pumps?
Time to get tough quick.