What does KC think of the Promise Keepers?

There is a great thread over at KC Forum that provides a look at local opinion regarding the organization. Lots of strong viewpoints from all sides and worth a read if your interested. The group is coming to Kemper in August so I'm sure that some broad is soon to make a stink in the local media or you'll soon be inundated with all of the typical coverage of these guys.

Here's hoping the heat will kill you before a bullet gets the chance

Also, here are places where poor people will be congregating in order to avoid being fried worse than the mystery meat in a Po'boy.

Pack it in

ConAgra wil sell its refrigerated meat business, including a plant in Kansas City, Kan., to Smithfield Foods Inc., owner of Kansas City-based Farmland Foods, for $575 million in cash and stock. This story is interesting to the few of you who realize that food doesn't come from the back of the grocery store.

Truck Driving Man

I'm not sure if you know this but craigslist is where you should go to find comedy gold or to lose your faith in humanity. I know people complain a lot about the prospect of Mexican truck drivers making a mess of the highways but if people knew anything about American truckers they would shudder.

Anyway, as always if you don't have a lot of self-control I wouldn't advise you to look at craigslist considering it's probably the best way on the Internet to get an STD but if you simply like mocking others then it's all good.

This recent ad from a trucker in town for the weekend is a pretty frightening look of the people with whom you're sharing the road. There is even a filthy illustration in case you aren't sure exactly what he's getting at when he writes: "I would like to f*ck your wife in the sleeper of my big truck"

And then there is the masterful personal description which should let you know you're in for one Hell of a ride: "I am 52, 6'0", 195, and well equipped. I smoke cigarettes, but I do not drink or use drugs. I also do not use rubbers."

One last thing: Please do your best to avoid "trucker bombs" and if all of this doesn't lead you to believe that the Red Bridge Road project is a bad idea, then you're probably Chuck Eddy who is looking to do to nearby Red Bridge residents what the trucker in this ad wants to do to your wife.

DUI checkpoints are really stops to see if you have warrants

Far be it from me to defend anyone who has run afoul of the law (read: minorities) but the pious claim that DUI checkpoints are keeping KC's streets safe from drunk drivers is nothing but good public relations.

Instead, you should see DUI checkpoints for what they really are: Random stops to make sure you haven't missed court, jumped bail, have expired tags or missed a child support payment. This is evidenced by the fact that during DUI checkpoints this weekend police arrested 9 drunk drivers and 22 for "other" traffic charges. Let's not even get into the fact that this set up checkpoint was arranged on Independence Ave. and not Ward Parkway - where a stop earlier this year lead to crash and the death of a teenager.

Anyway, the point is that you shouldn't consider DUI checkpoints to be the work of stay-at-home moms (morons) who just want to make sure little Johnny makes it home safely after finger banging Mary-Jane Rotten Crotch. Those housewives were simply used in order provide law enforcement a more effective method to oppress poor people and minorities do their job. Essentially, I don't have a problem with that but I'd just like to stop pretending these stops are the white hat public service efforts they claim to be when they're really more akin to an intrusive police force making sure all of your papers are in order . . . No wonder so many of these checkpoints around the nation want K-9's on patrol with them. There's nothing like barking, imposing German Shepard waiting to get its fangs into you to make you feel safe.

Enjoying the "significant drop" in homicides this year

The KC Channel reports that a woman's body was found in an SUV near 72nd Street and Prospect Avenue Monday morning. And if finding dead bodies around crappy sections of the inner city isn't enough fun for your summer vacation, I guess you might try playing games with crime stats like this town's cheerleaders.

"The Bush Administration has turned hope into a culture of fear."

A heartfelt post that makes a ton of good points from this Missouri blogger.

Lesser Evils and a losing race

VS.

So, obviously the two dozen people voting in the upcoming election are getting really excited about the race for County Executive. If you really like to laugh, you might want to go over and check out The Star's KC Buzz Blog. It's a good read and what's really hilarious is that campaign workers from both the Sanders and Wheeler Side have chosen the place as their stomping ground. There are a ton of impassioned comments on an issue that so few people care about in this town.

Think I'm lying? Then check out this pleading editorial from Channel 9 News that's pretty much begging people to get out and vote.

And I don't think that it's constant crotchety comments from Wheeler or Sanders' negative campaigning that has turned people off, there just isn't much to get inspired about in this election and few people know exactly what County government does for KC other than spend/waste a ton of money, occasionally engage in some fistfights and embarrass the Hell out of anyone who would support either one of these candidates.

Don't Believe Beacon Hill PR from The Star

This article is about minority home ownership and urban renewal would be wonderful it was true but it's not. It's a nice story about a lady buying a cheap house in the 'hood. And I only want to ask one question: If Beacon Hill is so nice, then why do so many Star staffers live in JoCo?

If you were looking for a highly politicized article trying to put a happy face on a recent housing scandal then by all means believe everything you read but the missive shouldn't be taken seriously for anyone who actually wants information about the local real estate market.

Amnesty for Pit bulls not Mexicans

There is a a two week amnesty period for pit bull owners to surrender their dogs without penalty in KCK. Unfortunately, KCK politicos will soon find discover that dangerous owners and not any particular breed of dog will keep animal attacks at a relatively constant rate.

But we shouldn't let facts get in the way of a popular political gesture backed up by a media inspired frenzy. Just like illegal immigration, the war on drugs, sex predators, myspace hookups, the population bomb and other TV watching hysteria . . . I guess the only rational thing to do is act quickly so that the media can move along to something other story with frightening video footage that will scare people into making quick, ineffective gestures that rarely contribute to anything worthwhile.

Facing Death is not as fun when Death is actually a possibility

A nearby skydiving plane crash that claimed the life of a local man should remind us all that driving next to some clueless broad putting on her make-up, talking on her cell phone and driving 75 miles an hour is so dangerous that you don't really need any other thrill seeking activities when you're really paying attention to what's going on around you.

Apparently, God likes cancer as much as he hates human cloning

Fox 4 News reports: Missouri's Roman Catholic dioceses, the Southern Baptists, the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod and the Assemblies of God all oppose a proposal to protect stem-cell research, which they say would allow human cloning. In other news, all of your back pain is caused by the fact you masturbate and make Jesus cry. AND open heart surgery is just for people who don't pray enough.

20 years of Community Service in KC

There is a nice article about Youth Volunteer Corps of America in today's Star. The group works to promote to very important causes: Encouraging youth voluntarism and alleviating white guilt.

Charter School: The secrecy ballot

There are a number of proposed changes in order to modernize the city's 1925 charter. However, since only about two dozen people normally vote in the upcoming election, you can't blame people for being a little suspicious.

Mark Forsythe has a great post that examines the issue in detail.

I'm not one to pour over silly details . . . Or facts . . . But I'm almost certain that somehow the ballot language is written in such a way that voting yes on almost anything will somehow transfer all of the rights to your soul over to Country Club Kay and therefore Steve Glorioso and local real estate developers, so read all of the questions carefully, pretend you understand them and then recall a simpler time in Kansas City (like 11 years ago) when the Mafia did all your voting for you. Note: I can only hope that someday soon Diebold will have a function that will tell you exactly how to vote or simply do it for you.

What this town really needs is another diploma mill

Grantham University, specializing in educating working adults, is the latest Hurricane Katrina victim to call KC home. That's not a bad thing I guess, at least when compared to all of the other NOLA refugees who have increased the number of all kinds of social ills in this town (it's true, do your own homework. Check child abuse, domestic violence, etc.) . . . However, I still think most higher education qualifies as highway robbery.

"They make Kansas City look like a trashy whore, and they make me sick."

All signs point to corporate greed cluttering this town with advertisements. A great post from this local blogger on how one day every street in this city will look as ugly as Wornall.

Blunt Administration Broke the Law

They admit it and now I wonder how anybody could justify voting for the guy. Seems like if Roy's Baby Boy isn't trying to overcompensate and bully the State Highway Patrol then he's cutting your benefits (i.e. trying to kill all the poor people) while flying the confederate flag. Also, the dude has the worst smile in Show-Me State politics and that's saying something when you consider all of the ugly mugs in Missouri politics.

You have the right to be shot

Whatever you do, you probably shouldn't fight with your girlfriend (or some ho) in public on the Eastside because apparently it's a shootable offense.

A KCMO police officer is off the job Saturday after shooting a man. Police say two officers saw a woman and a man fighting near 83rd Terrace and Troost Avenue Friday just after 11 p.m. The man began to run when the officers stopped to investigate. One officer followed.

The officer says the man stopped behind a building, reached into his pocket and pointed what appeared to be a gun at the officer. The officer opened fire, hitting the man.

Yeah, you have to take into account that the guy was running from the officers as well but given the fact that they're pretty quick to shoot an unarmed person East of Troost (read: probably Black) it's not exactly like you can blame the guy for being a little apprehensive about an interaction with local law enforcement.

My solution: Avoiding confrontations with women and the police by pretending not to care when both try to control your every move with oppressive behavior.

Hard to Swallow

So the guy who allegedly stuffed a phone down the throat of his girlfriend will probably get to walk after a mistrial was declared. It seems that if a phone stuffed halfway down a broad's throat wasn't enough to convict the guy then there probably isn't much anyone can do . . . Other than advising everyone to stay out of an interracial relationship.

But life goes on and hopefully we're all a lot smarter for witnessing how one arguement can easily get out of control. Now, I'm only hoping that some of the incriminating evidence I've left behind never comes back to haunt me . . . Stuff like:

• A bowl of Jello and Vasoline intensive care at my bedside . . . My skin was dry and I was hungry.
• A gun, a ski mask and three women's purses in my trunk . . . I was at the target range and it suddenly it got very cold and my sister and her friends needed a lift.
• A used condom on my bed along with two pairs of slutty underwear . . . The Victoria Secret models came by unexpectedly and their pillow fight quickly escalated into a water balloon throwing contest.
  

Anyway, no matter what the circumstances, it's always wise to keep your mouth shut and your lawyer on speed dial.

Who, me take responsibility?

There is no reason to cast blame in a recent shooting that led to the deaths of two young men. The promoters are emphatically claiming that it isn't their fault.

And who could blame them? All they did was to stage a that didn't provide enough security, didn't make sure they had the right paper work for the venue and didn't have a plan when every thug wannabe in the area drove by and wanted to start trouble. Surely, these promoters are completely blameless and it's guns, or maybe the trigger men or whitey or illegal immigrants or video games that should be held accountable for the worst shooting of the summer . . . So far.

Bussed to move

This local blogger reports that high gas prices and overall poverty in general have finally led more people in KC to the bus stop. Overall, I think this is good news and what's even better is that new riders are finding that the Metro/MAX isn't as bad as they previously thought. In the end, this is a win/win situation for everyone because people get to save money and travel in a surprisingly pleasant form of transportation and I get to enjoy fewer douche bags on the road as I speed through the city, wasting fossil fuels for a trip I could have easily walked to that probably involves buying more aerosol cans filled with something toxic and then spraying them into the air for no reason whatsoever.

The Barbie Babes of Kansas City

This is one of the best blogger posts I've read in a long time. It contains a great analysis of local ladies and what they may or may not have in common with Barbie . . . Other than a lot of plastic. A must read if you want to know anything about what influences the psyche of so many psycho bitches in the area.

Blogger Backtalk: Lazy Saturday

These local bloggers have shown much more ambition than I have over the weekend. Check them out:

• Check out the clean design and clever commentary of this new blog.


• This anarchist asks: "What's the Matter With Kansas?" as the upcoming elections don't make for much excitement . . . Even for people who believe in the system.


• This local blogger takes whiff of a hookah and surprisingly isn't grossed out. Note: Strange that nearly all kinds of "hookah's" will leave you with a bad cough if you partake too often.

Town Topics: Hot in here

KC heat is killer

KC Council OKs $1.3M contract for bad art at The Sprint Center

Police Arrest Man After Woman Dies Following Pit Bull Attack

The Next Big Thing

This Dallas Penn video is much more interesting than Super Size Me. Take a look and tell your friends. The audience for this vid is expanding faster than your fast food eating ass. Seriously, the video is awesome, educational and one of the few ways you'll ever get over on McDonald's.

Touching Touch Up

I'm continually surprised that so many of you read what I have to type but I was recently gratified to see that some guy took the time and trouble to send me some bad photoshop in an effort to shut me up. It won't work but I appreciate the thought. Here's a slightly more colorful version of the Power & Light plans:



Also, I don't know if this is racist (I doubt it. Thankfully I don't see OJ . . . MJ. . . Charo) or just poorly executed but the e-mail was nice enough so I'll just post it because it still makes me feel a little better than what the Cordish Company came up with. In any event, thanks to whoever sent this my way.

Hipster Hangout Hates Blacks

According to a recent report by KSHB news, Kansas City downtown hipster club NV won't let Black people in the door.

In classic TV news style, two separate teams were sent to gain entry into the club and you can pretty much guess that the group of Black people didn't make it past security due to "dress code violations."

Because it's of the utmost importance that people of all colors should be allowed to drink, attain causal sex hook ups, pose and dance to the latest P. Diddy comeback effort . . . Kansas City Councilmen John Fairfield and Alvin Brooks are on the case.

If you feel like you were unjustly prevented from getting your groove on, you should contact the City's Human Relations Department.

However, this may be a blessing in disguise. If white people aren't allowed to come into contact with Black people than that means it's that much harder for them to steal African-American culture and profit from it. Additionally, this whole situation reminds me of the racist Italian guy who wouldn't let Latinos in Philly buy any of his artery clogging fare if they didn't speak English . . . In the end he might have been doing them a favor. Still, I think it's important to stand up for social justice and equality on all fronts . . . Or at least that's what I tell the white women I'm trying to screw.

So, you can continue to shake your booty at NV but you won't be able to do it with a clear conscience. However, considering that de facto Iraqi civil war, blood diamonds, Walmart savings brought to you by child labor, genocide of the Native Americans, eminent domain and the tyranny of Oprah Winfrey haven't weighed on the American conscience enough for any change to occur. . . I doubt anyone will care about this issue when Friday Night rolls around.

Jenee is pirating the Nightranger

So here I was all excited that a recent column written by Jenee Osterheldt contained the word "booty." Sadly, there was no mention of her firm, voluptuous, trendy ass. Instead there is some lame write up about yet another local club for aging hipsters. Don't get me wrong, I love Martini Row about as much as any other alcoholic but the fact that a few entrepreneurs want to make some cash by pushing the last legal drug doesn't strike me as news worthy. Still, what I noticed was that Jenee bites nearly every bit of the Nightranger's style in this latest offering. Only, like most things the copy is never as good as the original (see: Kanye West vs. MC Hammer). I'd like to help this hoop earring wearing honey but I'm afraid that she'll just have to figure it out for herself. However, she could start with the fact that members of the Fox4 news team do not merit the term "celebrities" whether we're talking local or in any other sense of the word.

So they are lining up to take JoCo tax money today

You can listen to it live here.

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO UNCLE JACK!

Last night I had the best seats to a Royals game I've ever had in my life. It was a pleasure to watch them lose.

As much as I complain about white people on this blog, I have to say that my Uncle Jack is all around one of the greatest guys I know.

And while I railed against the Stadium Tax and I have nothing but ridicule for our perennially pitiful team, I have to say that there is nothing like being so close to the field that you can smell the steroids. Additionally, I didn't know this but Angel Berroa doesn't have too many fans around these parts.

Anyway, it was a great night and there might be some photos forthcoming. Thank you Uncle Jack for the awesome seats and someday I hope I can return the favor with tickets to something more classy than a Donkey Show.

In case you care about any other kind of real estate besides condos

Living conditions for local who can't afford luxury living space is getting worse. On the bright side, the working class is getting priced out of this town so quickly by rising property taxes that soon they won't be this town's problem anymore.

The white women of Johnson County are crazy

Here's more proof that you don't want to mess with a white woman from my favorite suburb on a bad day.

• Not only are they gully enough to slam dunk a toddler.


• But they will lend themselves money in order to beat another broad with whom they're competing.

Yeah, they are beautiful to look at but beyond all reason or reliability . . . If JoCo white women didn't have tons of cash, believe nearly everything you told them, have asses that taste like vanilla ice cream and hate their fathers enough to date almost any minority with a modicum of game . . . Then I would have nothing to do with them.

Blasted by your boy

Just to prove there is no love for Matt Blunt in Missouri, his former roommate (No homo?) has recently railed against the Governor's polices.

Missouri Rep. Mark Wright roomed with Blunt when the two were freshmen legislators but now he's on the warpath because it's election time.

Personally, I think most people have made up their mind about Roy Blunt's boy one way or another by now. The only question is if the morons people in the middle of the state will put him back in office given that their situation hasn't improved much during his tenure and their sister isn't getting any prettier or enthusiastic about late night misunderstandings.

The only thing really relevant about this story is that it demonstrates that grown men don't really have friends. Similarly, it always amazes me why women pretend to engage in friendships that are every bit as fake as the cleavage created by their expensive push up bras . . . But then I just remember that women are deceitful by nature.

Bear in mind

You've got to hand it to the gheys (No homo). They've hijacked Barbara Streisand, rainbows, a good portion of the Internet and the international AIDS pandemic and now even bears (woodland predators as opposed to urban ones) have a fruity/filthy connotation.

Jen Chen's recent article about local ghey clubs catering to husky dudes with facial hair (shudder - that pretty much describes me in an alternate universe) goes into great detail about the local ghey club scene . . . Other than "young" country bars. In fact, the article was so good I checked to see if I was wearing a condom and then nearly called up my parents and told them that they never loved me.

It's no secret that gheys know how to party but this informative essay really puts things into perspective without using statistical information from the CDC. For my part, I think most clubs are ghey but it's good to see that even when it comes to boozing it up this city is separated and segregated along lines of sexual preference as well as race. Also, this article only proves to validate my assertion that most bars are depressing no matter how gay (ghey) they seem.

Dog Days of Summer in Kansas City

So last year Eastside violence made for some interesting reporting that nobody really cared about or acted on . . . This year all of the local dogs seem to have gone crazy. Yesterday, a 71-year-old woman was killed buy a local mutt in her yard. Of course the media was quick to report that it was a pit bull but now it seems that the dog may have been another breed; it's nice to see that local TV reporters don't confine their stereotypes to one species.

Clearly, "DOG ATTACKS" are the latest media frenzy crisis that this town is facing. I only wonder what kind of response this whole thing will elicit from our local leaders. Typically, local liberals might call for more welfare that (I guess) will take the form of doggie treats doled out to any canine who barks loud enough. On the other hand, conservatives (as always) will lobby for more incarceration and the death penalty only to be bitten in the ass when somebody rightfully points out that dogs are far more color blind than the Republican Party. I don't know if there is a compromise in KC's doggie dilemma but I'm already suspecting that there is soon to be a measure to deport all unregistered Chihuahuas.

Crimes you probably can't get away with in Kansas City

Because my mom was always trying to save the world, when I was a kid I often got stuck in workshops, camps and youth groups with the scum of the earth. While she saw the need to save these people, the side effect was that I had to hang around them, admire their misspelled tattoos, wince at stories of prison rape and snicker when they tried to read aloud. It was there that I learned a fundamental truth: Crooks are stupid. This fact was confirmed when I later dated an Italian broad and had to endure her friends and family who were "friends of ours" but often referred to me as a wetback when I wasn't around; so I never considered them that friendly.

Anyway, my two favorite crimes have made the news as of late and I'm always surprised to see that local dumbasses think they can steal an ATM and get away with it or drop bricks over an overpass without somebody eventually discovering them. Stereotypically or typically (whatever your point of view) these crimes are often (almost always) committed by white guys and unsupervised Black kids respectively and they are rarely successful over the long run. And while I know that crime pays, I've also known that you have to have some a certain level of intelligence to make it do so. So the fact that so many dumbasses are out there to "Get rich or die tryin'" doesn't really upset me given that every strata of our social order is ruled by competition. While some may struggle to make a dime and a nickel selling illicit substances to the terminally bored, others find a niche market and cater to a nation of people with an unhealthy dependence.

A few suggestions for this weekend

All right already, we know that the Fringe Festival is the place to be in Kansas City this weekend if you want to see some really bad tattoos and women who are desperately trying to pretend that they don't care if they're fat. Note: Strangely dyed hair and trendy glasses won't hide 45 pounds.

But let's pretend that you don't want to spend the entire weekend hanging around recreational drug users.

The Event Driver has a list of suggestions he'd like to offer. Check out his site for more info on the following acts:

Beach Ball 2 at Verizon...
Rockabilly Luau ay Knuckleheads...
Y'allapalooza at Verizon...
Also
Links to Blues and Jazz Festival, O'Dowd's, 75th Street Brewery, Barley's, Blue Moose, Jardine's, Zona Rosa Concerts, Davey's Uptown, Valentine, Andy Masters,Baby Lee, Sean McNown, Mark Montgomery, Dave McQuitty's Art, Kevin Jacks, Mickey Finn Band, Mighty Mo Box Band, Dave Ford Project, KC All Stars, EKC Online, Discovery Publications, and more... at The Event Driver.

Also Present Magazine keeps on showering me with awesome links that I'm much too lazy too look up for myself. Some of them even sound fun.

Here are the highlights from their weekend entertainment e-mail:

July 28, Friday - September 1, Friday
July 30, Sunday Festival
Talley and Son
The Kansas City Actors Theatre performs the third play in the Talley trilogy. It takes place at the home of the wealthy Talley's, a fictitious southern Missouri family during World War II. Missouri-born playwright Lanford Wilson writes about a family struggling with bigotry, the death of a beloved son in he war and the probable dissolution of the family business. The complete trilogy performed on Festival Day. Check out the web site for a complete listing of performance times.
Union Station
H&R Block City Stage
30 West Pershing Road
816.235.6222
www.kcactors.org

July 28, Friday 5-9 PM
Anne Garney
Opening art reception featuring vibrant landscape paintings.
The Ten Cup
651 East 59th Street
816.841.4357
www.thetencup.com
www.annegarneypaintings.com

July 29, Saturday
The Golden Republic
Mike's Tavern
5424 Troost
816.444.3399
www.mikestavernkc.com

July 29, Saturday
The New Tragedies & The Paper Hearts
The Brick
1727 McGee
816.421.1634
www.thebrickkcmo.com

Finally, I guess hipsters are obsessed with Dolly Parton again but they might not realize that there is absolutely nothing ironic about huge breasts. Word to Dolly.



The Dolly Stampede and Wig Rodeo
A musical tribute to Dolly Parton and Wig Rodeo featuring Late Night Theatre, Alacartoona, The Rather Nots, Barclay Martin, Amy Farrand, Cody Wyoming, Rah Booty and surprise D-cup sized guests.
recordBar
1020 Westport Road
816.753.5207
www.therecordbar.com

July 28, Friday - September 2, Saturday, 8 PM
Come Back to the 9 to 5 Dolly Parton Dolly Parton
Late Night Theatre presents this homage to the beleaguered office trio (Judy Bernly, Violet Newstead and Doralee Rhodes) who turn their office upside down in a corporate take-over against their sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot boss in David Wayne Reed's tribute to the 1980 lib classic, 9 to 5. Starring Gary Campbell, Ron Megee, David Wayne Reed.
Late Night Theatre
1531 Grand Boulevard
816.235.6222

"Sometimes a rainbow flag is just a rainbow flag"

Take this post however you want it, but I think it's an insightful statement about intentionality and people (like me) who get way too upset over items that might be innocuous.

Presenting Kansas City's Latest Pipe Dream

Here's an alternate headline I thought you might enjoy as well:

Oh, glorious day . . . This is what Downtown would look like with almost no minorities!



It's worth mentioning twice . . . This vision of the city literally includes no people of color. Seriously, it looks like it's only little white drawings walking around down there . . . Except maybe for that one guy in the corner who may or may not be George Hamilton . . . It's a HUGE departure from what a Downtown street looks like today where most of the people on the ground are minorities going to and from their shitty jobs.





$800 million so you can watch the latest Adam Sandler movie. That makes sense. Certainly, a wise investment and far more important than . . . oh . . . let's say . . . sewers.



I know that most architects and artists are ghey but the depiction of the old KCP&L tower as a huge phallus in the sky is just downright blatant. No homo.



Again, I see economy cars and shopping but no people of color. It's actually worse than Star Wars or Seinfeld or a Woody Allen movie.



There are a hell of a lot of people on their cell phones in this version of the future. I imagine they're probably asking for directions home.



It's after sunset in downtown and people are still outside. This is better than a Rocky movie (white man winning the Heavyweight Championship) in terms of sheer fantasy.



Again with the ghey theme . . . This pink section seems to be hook up row where you meet the person who will give you syphilis in a convenient downtown location.



I have no idea what band is playing in the drawing below but there is a completely white audience rocking out. Awesome. It doesn't look like country music (no mullets) but if it's as lame as the rest of this mock up it's probably Coldplay.



Now this is just scary, this next pic totally looks like something out of Blade Runner. Strangely, that's appropriate because the replicants only have a 4 year life span and I figure that's about how long it will take before this whole plan turns sour and a random murder or shooting reveals that a slew of chain restaurants, a movie theater and a couple of walkways won't resurrect downtown. Additionally, it's sad that there are no images of security guards hassling unsupervised Black and Latino kids and escorting them out to the street just like they do on The Plaza and Crown Center. Yes, these are all pretty pictures but they aren't exactly a plan.

TKC would like to help hipsters pretend that they are unique

Here are some links related to The Fringe Festival. Many thanks to:

Present Magazine

Now onto more info about how you can continue to disappont your parents:

KC Fringe Festival Highlights

July 27, Thursday - July 30, Sunday
Please check out www.kcfringe.org for festival highlights, schedule changes, ratings, and additional listings.

Allswell Variety Show
July 27, Thursday, 8 PM
July 28, Friday, 6:30 PM
July 29, Saturday, 8 PM
Written by Carissa Shillito. Sketches, musical numbers and a special musical guest in a 100% original formula that makes you feel good. Energizes listless adults and soothes rambunctious children.
Arts Incubator
115 West 18th Street
www.artsincubatorkc.org

Barclay Martin Ensemble
July 29, Saturday, 6:30-8 PM
The Barclay Martin Ensemble is a quartet comprised of musicians whose influences range from singer/songwriter folk to Latin jazz. Known for their high-energy performances, the ensemble offers up a fresh and distinctive acoustic sound with fine musicianship.
Central Library, Kirk Hall
14 West 10th Street
www.barclaymartin.com

Cairo on the Kaw - Lights, Camera, Action
July 28, Friday, 9:30 PM
July 29, Saturday, 3:30 & 6:30 PM
A Middle Eastern dance created by Anne Singo-Hargis with company member contributions.
Just Off Broadway
3051 Central
hometown.aol.com/gaziyeh

Comedy with the Coterie's Updog's Special Friends
July 28, Friday, 8 PM
July 29, Saturday, 9:30 PM
July 30, Sunday, 3:30 PM
The Coterie Theatre's audacious teen comedy troupe, Updog's Special Friends, will present three original and outrageous comedies by the Coterie's Young Playwright's Roundtable including Conversation Piece, by Ruth Babb; A Wife's Tale, by Sheristen James; and Full Letter Jacket, by Justing Mohn.
1184 Oak
www.coterietheatre.org

Kacico Dance presents Sit, Stand, Walk, Speak, and Play
July 28, Friday, 9:30 PM
July 29, Saturday, 6:30 PM
July 30, Sunday, 2 PM
A continuous, diffusive dance performance combined with video, music, and set. Performance happens all around the audience and the audience is encouraged to move during the performance.
Arts Incubator
115 West 18th Street
www.kacicodance.org

Negro Scoe
July 29, Saturday, 11 PM
Originally from Southern California, Negro Scoe, aka Dante Evergalde, established the Hip Hop Addicts crew in 1994. Since relocating to Kansas City eight years ago, he has recorded and performed. In addition to being a founding member of The Cosigners, Scoe is also an instructor at the Hip Hop Academy where he teaches area youth the basics of poetry and emceeing at the Creative Minds Art Center
Pi Gallery
419 East 18th Street
www.danteeverglade.com
www.piartgallery.com

Fishing for Laughs
July 29, Saturday, 2 & 3:30 PM
The Bassmeister, by Curt Strutz, is a puppet show about a fun and entertaining guy who brings the excitement of fishing into the lives of both children and adults, even if they don't fish! Kids will learn fishing basics and get directly involved with demonstrations on stage. The show include a "Bass Beauty Pageant," stinky stink bait, and teaching children critical thinking related to lure selection and water safety.
Central Library, Helzberg Auditorium
14 West 10th Street
www.thebassmeister.com

Forrest Whitlow
July 28, Friday, 6:30 PM
"David Lynch meets Neil Young" in the introspective, country-tinged balladry of this Kentucky bred local songsmith. Explore the darker side of the human psyche with musical tales of lust, murder, and despair.
Central Library, Kirk Hall
14 West 10th Street
www.forrestwhitlow.com

Missouri Valley Folklife Society Presents: Music & More
July 28, Friday, 8 PM
July 29, Saturday, 9:30 PM
July 30, Sunday, 3:30 PM
Multi-talented musicians Mike Dugger, Turlach Boylan, and Kelly Dougherty will showcase traditional Irish folk music.
Rimé Center
700 West Pennway
www.mvfs.org

[This next one actually sounds interesting to me]
How To Fake Clinical Depression
July 28, Friday, 8 PM
July 29, Saturday, 3:30 & 9:30 PM
July 30, Sunday, 3:30 PM
A comedy by Steven Marrocco. For the last three years, major pharmaceutical companies like Pfizer have been recruiting research subjects off of Craigslist Los Angeles to test new anti-depressants by offering them money in exchange for taking their drugs. See how a starved actor/bassist twisted the study to his own diabolical needs. Developed by Paul Stein, artistic director of the comedy Central Stage in Los Angeles, and directed by Shulie Cowen, an alum of Second City Chicago.
10 Main Center

DJ Mythic, Deep Thinkers, Symbol Heavy, and Negro Scoe
July 29, Saturday, 6 PM-Midnight
Musical performance by featured acts in the KC Fringe Festival.
Pi Gallery
419 East 18th Street
http://www.piartgallery.com

Higher Power
July 27, Thursday, 8 PM
July 28, Friday, 8 PM
July 29, Saturday, 5 PM
July 30, Sunday, 5 PM
Little Red Square presents a Sam Ryan drama directed by Chris Plante. Sex, drugs, rock & roll, and Catholicism collide in the lives of three Midwesterners as a last-ditch drug deal causes the undoing of family and friendships.
Just Off Broadway
3051 Central
www.littleredsquare.com

Once again, thank you Present Magazine.

Elvis impersonator makes me feel a little bit better about my life

The douche is slated to come to KC on Aug. 12 to perform two all-Elvis at John Knox Village Pavilion and suddenly my mom's basement doesn't really look too shabby.

Support Our Troops . . . Except this one

Crazy stalker soldier makes a weird local news story that you simply like to ignore, very much like the war in Iraq.

"The two remaining residents of Twin Oaks Apartments finally were evicted Tuesday"

You won't get college credit for following this story but you might learn an important lesson about real estate development and cruelty in KC. Read this passage and cringe:

UMKC officials released a statement Tuesday, saying the university "is complying with the necessary legal process for eviction of remaining residents in the Twin Oaks Apartments."

The university declined to comment further.

Fesenmeyer said the eviction has cost her a son, her home and her livelihood. Her son, Hans Fesenmeyer, 35, who lived across the hall from her, committed suicide June 27.

Fesenmeyer, 59, is living temporarily with a friend while her belongings sit in storage. Along with her apartment, she has had to abandon the beauty salon she owned on the first floor of the north tower.

Funny that UMKC's slogan is "get a life" since they seem to have destroyed so many in their quest for breathing room.

Lack of permits blamed for shooting in lieu of suspects

Community leaders, lawyers, media and activists give college kids an important lesson in deflecting blame and avoiding responsibility. In other news, Nathan Buie and DeMarco Harvey are still dead no matter what paperwork was missing.

For a laugh, here's an editorial from UMKC about "responsibility"

Funny stuff coming from an institution that has single handedly destroyed entire neighborhoods, booted a ton of old people out on the street, constantly increases tuition while at the same time failing miserably at minority recruitment and representation.

Nobody asked a local Vet how the Eastside compares to Vietnam following robbery

A local Vet was robbed of his car and his last $15 bucks as the situation on the Eastside of Troost becomes untenable.

JCCC students publish their own paper after trustees cut funding

Obviously, they haven't learned much about journalism or else they would have started a blog.

Town Topics: News in KC is blowing up

• The guy shot in Lee's Summit might have been packing a grenade and was not just happy to see police.


• Note to angry boyfriends. I guess it actually would kill her to swallow.


• Precious Doe Publicity Tour Trial Date Set.


• Fishy KCK restaurant robbery tastes like chicken.


• It has a good beat and it's easy to die to, "Oh tainted blood!"


• Angry occupants complain that a poorly run downtown parking lot extorts money. Finally, downtown development works with a common theme.

Blogger Backtalk: In a Big Country

• In a big country: J-Dub takes on some weighty issues.


• The Tomahawk blog might soon be no more. Take a look at Arrowhead Pride instead.


• A Reaction to Inaction : An inspired post from this local blogger.


• A storm brewing in KC. All clouds and no rain last night was still fun to watch.


• I guess age doesn't go before beauty in the ugliest race of the upcoming election: "Sanders v. Wheeler - Go With Sanders"


• Do you have what it takes to roll with these women? Via JDoubleP
  

It has begun

It's a strange mystery of the human condition that bad ideas always begin more quickly than good ones. Accordingly, construction started this morning on downtown Kansas City's $800 million Power & Light District, scheduled to open in the fall of 2007. Sadly, this thing doesn't have a prayer of reviving downtown simply due to the fact that there is not one attraction slated for the project (another word for experiment) that is not more easily available in the suburbs. Also, the locals with money (white people) have historically stayed far away from anything that involves mingling with the local minorities. Don't believe me? Then I guess the monochromatic Crossroads scene is not part of a conspiracy but it's just a coincidence that the place has less color than Andy Warhol during his later years. Anyway, like most new beginnings this is simply the city running around in circles and building to benefit egos (and wallets) but not this town's bottom line.

Getting so much richer all the time

The KC Biz Journal reports that Johnson County had the highest average weekly wage in the Kansas City area. It's good to know that the Bush years have been good to somebody. Still, I imagine that not all residents of the Golden Ghetto are rolling in dough, especially when you consider that nearly half of that money has to go right back the oil companies in order to commute to any place with more culture than a Chili's restaurant.

Real Estate Developers about to ruin Raytown as well

Join the club Raytown, because you probably don't have a choice given the fact that your soul doesn't even really belong to you when eminent domain comes into play.

Actually, this story surprised me because I didn't think anything was developing in Raytown other than white flight. I guess new plans to redevelop the area's downtown are simply another attempt to follow one bad idea with another.

Check your head

Local police are looking for a man who allegedly shot a woman in the face. Thankfully, the woman survived and probably learned a lesson. A long time ago I knew a broad who was shot in the face by her boyfriend and stayed with him. I never really had a chance to talk with her about it because she was too busy making sure the guy's every need was taken care of but from what I heard, she was actually impressed that somebody cared about her enough to risk going to jail in order to straighten her out . . . Ugh, I know.

Anyway, you have to remember that beating your wife has only been illegal around these parts for less than 20 years. Used to be (I've heard) that the old lady would call the cops on you and they'd take you to jail for a night but you'd be out in a day and back at home when the broad finally realized how hard it was to pay bills. Thankfully, things have changed and now domestic violence charges stick, women simply have to divorce you and squeeze out a kid in order to get a guaranteed 20 year stipend and most men know that it's easier to go the route of a suicide bomber than come out ahead in a divorce.

Animals have the right to be shot

In one of the greatest bits of news of all time, Fox 4 reports that hunters could soon use their bows to track down deer in some Kansas City parks. Apparently, there is an overpopulation of deer in Tiffany Springs Park and Riverfront Park and local authorities are on the cusp of considering a legal bow hunt. I know that I'm considering getting one of those insane hunting cross bows if this thing goes down and it might be worth the risk of being the first Chicano killed by a stray arrow in order to hunt for something other than poon tang within the city limits. Now, if only somebody could work to classify cats as a smaller and more annoying member of the deer family.

Right here in River City: Damsels in distress and other disasters

• Scared white women will always make the news.


• Yes, you can blame a guy for trying.


• Stolen whiskey and memory loss are hilarious as a nearby drunkard has a relapse (of sorts) that lands him jail.


• In one form or another, traffic in KC, as of late, is killing us all.


• Stealing air conditioners is not cool. Yes, I'm a fucking hack and I deserve to have my ass kicked for even thinking of a link that lame.


• This article reports that a Missouri youth pastor strives to put sex in a spiritual context whereas I knew a couple of priests growing up (not in a biblical sense, thank God) who simply used sex as the first step in relocating.

Taste my pain OR Yeah, you can hear me now

So I was surprised to discover that the story about a cell phone being shoved down a local woman's throat made national news. I was always led to believe that domestic violence is common in poor, nasty areas like Independence, MO. I guess the whole "cell phone down the throat" thing provides the kind of sensationalism that media outlets are looking for but I'm quite sure that there have been stranger things inserted into orifices around Harry Truman's old stomping ground.

Anyway, it's good that Independence received some press for something besides Meth or the Second Coming of our Lord and Savior.

The only thing that I'd like to note about this case is that initially, the gal lied so that her boyfriend would avoid punishment. Talk about a stand up broad. The police didn't release her initial statement but I'm sure it was something like: "Murumphs Urguhs Kcihsioids #@Oslgohuoo Urghuuu . . ." Sad that only muffled words really mean love nowadays or at least I'd like to believe I'm hearing expressions of devotion and love from lady friends who are face down and biting pillow.

All work and no play make a County Executive cranky

So now I've heard everything, the two white guys in the race for County Executive are making up a lot of excuses for the fact that they are shiftless and lazy.

Sanders defends his practice of limiting cases as prosecutor

For Wheeler, working behind the scenes trumped voting

Frankly, I don't buy it. If they would have come up with better excuses for missing so much work they might have a better chance to con convince voters. Actually, media whoring and napping are both time consuming and pleasant activities, if they could make the public understand this then they wouldn't need an excuse at all.

Start Snitching

Community outrage and burning candles continue after a crowd shooting. Reports say that it was the deadliest shooting in Kansas City in recent history. With two young men dead and nine others hurt this tragedy will continue to make headlines that will probably culminate with the funeral of the kids and more hand wringing than the closing scene of a John Singleton movie.

As for help in the case, I wouldn't hold my breath. As usual, the people who are doing the majority of talking are community leaders and all kinds of other trolls who have their eye on public office.

White People are Walking Targets

I'm really surprised that the story of the shooting of some random white guy heading toward Swope Parkway didn't get more play in the media. Notice that I wrote that the white guy was random and not the shooting because gun violence on the Eastside is more commonplace than anything else.

Still, I don't hear any solutions or workable plans coming from City Hall or anywhere else. The recent spate of summer violence (that everyone but the Star's editorial board expected) hasn't yet been called a trend but we'll see how gully this weekend gets before some good old fashioned media hysteria finally develops. In the meantime, I'd advise that you stay alert when you head out east and possibly look into finding a more conveniently and safely located drug dealer, Black friend, payday lender, etc.

The Long Walk Home

A story about two local school kids forced to walk ten miles to their home reminds me of my childhood. I could care less about the tribulations of Shawnee Mission kids but I still remember having to hoof it home on days that my mom would forget to pick me up. My brother and I would talk, and laugh and bitch as we made our way to the house while plotting to murder our mother. She had a career, a busy schedule and sadly she knew that two Chicano kids had absolutely no chance of survival in the KCMO School District so a little trek across the state lines to a Catholic school along with an unplanned 10 mile walk from time to time was the price we would pay in order to attain a decent education.

The fact of the matter is that KCMO public schools have been completely impracticable for as long as I can remember . . . The District is completely broken and a new face won't fix it . . . Until something really dramatic happens, nothing will change.

Anyway, the thing that always depressed me about those walks was how the scenery always got shittier and shittier as we made our way closer to home. Still, for all of my bitching, my parents never really complained that a good portion of their salary went to our schooling.

After I earned my license, my brother and sister would be forced to walk home occasionally as well. It was a shorter distance and their inconvenience was because I was chasing tail . . . Which is an infinitely more important activity than making sacrifices for your children.

A prize for a poor passenger

The MAX busses will soon celebrate the arrival of their millionth passenger. An (un)lucky rider (not a euphemism for somebody with an STD) is going to be awarded a prize. Sadly, no matter how many of you dolts gush (nullus) about public transportation I'm guessing the only thing that would really make the person happy is a new car. Honestly, I know how many of you (white) people love to push the benefits of this makeshift system but it just seems sloppy to me and not a real solution to the madness that's going on around our local highways that have now become as clogged as Mark Mangino's arteries. Also, the MAX is only good for inflating the self-esteem of urban explorers (bleh), most people would much rather have some other form of transportation if they could afford it.

Town Topics: Skate or Die!

• Skateboarding is not a crime (it should be). However, a local skateboard park continually attracts criminals.


• The effort to keep old people and Mexicans from voting in Missouri continues.


• There is yet another thing about which Wheeler is confused. Seriously, the guy is so nice and has so much integrity somebody should tell him not to run.


• Tourists to KC are merely traveling ATM'S.


• DUI checkpoints nearly as deadly as drunk driving, twice as annoying.


• Prairie Village Pool Punks Pack Pistol. TKC makes alliteration his bitch.


• White people may get yet another new hospital. Take your broke ass to Truman, Research or one of the many other places they send your loved ones to die in KC proper.


• Olathe bosses help employees vote Republican in greater numbers. Democrats need to get life, jobs and then a clue in order to be appropriately offended by this link.


• We all know that Mother Nature is a bitch but now it's clear she's a bitch who might be experiencing a "cycle."


• Lee's Summit is turning to crap. You know it and now everybody else does too.
  

The Record Bar seems like a decent place

This happy local blogger shares some shots of Saturday's big punk rock matinee at the Record Bar. Normally, I avoid all social interaction but I hear nothing but good things about this local hipster hangout. It's strange where people congregate in this city . . . I was on the Plaza over the weekend. My girlfriend and I were trying to waddle off a pretty decent meal of greasy Mexican food. Some young, hot, fine and gussied up tart walks over to us and ask if we know the whereabouts of McCormick & Schmick's. My girlfriend had to tell her no, I was just staring at her fine ass all dressed up in heels and a new dress with her hooker make up on and I nearly asked "Isn't 27 a little too old to still believe that you're going to marry a rich lawyer?" Sadly, she took off right before I found my words or before I could utter the term "threeway."

I guess what I'm getting at is that there are a lot of places in this city where only a certain type of person shows up . . . For example, Black people, poor white people and Latinos mainly show up at the County Jail. Anyway, the Record Bar seems like too much of a hipster hangout for my tastes but clearly a lot of people dig the place.

Blogger Backtalk: The local blogosphere continues to evolve

• Take a look at this 1916 Kansas License Plate. See, everything evolves.


• Parrish Baker Presents . . . Every single link you need to know exactly what's going on in the Kansas City Comics Community this month.


• Columnists don't count calories: "Jason Whitlock is so fat that the camera actually subtracts twenty pounds."


• Death's door gives the practical health advice: "Let's give breasts a fair shake." Consult your doctor and take photos for me as well.


• Check out this local blogger: edpaffjr.com He's been at it since 2001, which is about 25 years in Internet time.


• Where can you find the Best Tamales in Kansas City? Look for your nearest Mexican Grandma, everything else is just a cold, heartless facsimile. The secret ingredient? You guessed it . . . Love and the ability to allay all questions about citizenship.


• It takes Talent to talk out of both sides of your mouth. This blogger maintains that our Senator cares for farmers, but not the environment.

The KC School District is completely out of control

Yesterday, the KCPD used pepper spray and a police helicopter to try and contain a fight involving about 100 teenagers after summer school let out Monday afternoon at Paseo High School.

Is it racist to describe the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum as a Black hole for taxpayer dollars?

When was the last time you visited the place? Go ahead and lie but you'd be crazy to think that your 10 bucks contributes to keeping the lights on at one of this town's most expensive White Elephants. Face it, the NLBM has done nothing but continually lose money. It's not a major attraction for this city no matter how many awards people give the place.

What I think is ironic and horrible is that a museum dedicated to the memory of these pioneers has been on welfare since its inception and failed its attendance goals time and time again. Yes, Buck O'Neil is a kindly old man who is universally beloved, any dumbass could tell you that . . . But his efforts, just like his Hall of Fame bid, have come up short and not even the most liberal, whiny and patronizing sports enthusiast has been able to do anything about the disappointing performance of the the NLBM and the entire 18th and Vine project as a whole.

While the place sucks money out of the city's coffers like a Hall of Famer, its limited earning potential goes underreported by this town's media who desperately tout any tiny bit of good news.

Missing white woman dominates the news yet again

They found the remains of some poor lady and now the media watching public should prepare for a bunch of goofy comments as local reporters pretend they're on the set of CSI. Additionally, I might bemoan "missing white girl syndrome" on the part of the media even more if I wasn't always desperately searching for white women myself.

The Northland is composed mainly of strip malls

This local blogger isn't too excited about the recent "developments" up North. "I am just going to have to avoid the area for the next couple of years," she claims. I don't know if the eyesore created by yet another strip mall will be keeping her away or just the fact that the distribution of TIF money in this town is ugly. The blogger sums it up best when she writes: "An even greater insult is that the developers of this atrocity to my sensibilities are getting tax breaks from the city that are normally given to redevelop blighted land."

Independence Day for local blogger

Unlike the crappy movie local blogger Mac finds that things aren't exactly blowing up in that area but he takes some nice photos nonetheless.

When two white guys fight over money, we all lose

Morrison beat Phill Kline in fundraising. This is important because . . . Okay, this is not important unless you commit some horrible crime that garners media attention and then you might want a choice between who will send you to the chair: The guy with the sleazy mustache or the dude who wants to know way more about your daughter's medical history than you do.

KC Stage compiles all of the Fringe Festival Theater Events

A nice list that might be just a little light on information. However, looking through it, I have to say that "How To Fake Clinical Depression" has already caught my interest. Check out the Fringe Festival web site for more info.

St. John Avenue is not just for hookers anymore

A streetscape improvement project will at least make sure that you can take a better look at what you're buying. Pervs and junkies rejoice!

All business people are crooks. Your Dad too.

Waddell & Reed make a payoff $77M settlement for market timing charges while HCA (you know, the people who own most of the local hospitals) accepted a $33 billion buyout which should provide even less care for those of you without health insurance.

Will an Eastside dog get a record deal?

The KCPD put down a 90-pound Rottweiler on the 400 block of North Quincy. In other news, Tupac might still be alive (heh, he's doing better than the current state of Rap music either way). The animal was allegedly terrorizing the neighborhood. Two thoughts: They should have tasered it and had a barbecue. It was nice outside yesterday. Also, thank God Alonzo Washington is not a member of PETA.

We're all pulling for Jolie Justus as she participates in a grueling fourway

This local blogger offers effusive praise for Jolie Justus in her bid to become a State Senator for the 10th District. It's an informative post that offers a lot of good criticism of the other candidates. I haven't decided whether or not I'm gonna do endorsements (I'm not sure anybody would want one from me), I think people should make up their own mind and I only know 3 politicians who aren't jerkoffs . . . And I know a lot of politicians.

Kansas City's brewing with more than hate

This town has a history of serving up our own suds. Mostly to drown our sorrows. Delivered (like his upcoming baby) via Devious Bloggery.

Alleged sex abuser attempts to save us all some time

Say what you want about this suspected perv but there is no doubt he is courteous. Also, Overland Park is a lot more pervy than I once suspected, even though they don't like it doggystyle. Remember that this guy is innocent until proven guilty and a hypocrite with a lot of skeletons in his closet like most people from Overland Park.

Da bomb: Take a look at these Israeli kids writing a message to Lebanon

Ya know, sometimes it's hard for me to ignore all of you (not really). Just when I think I might have gone too far and actually offended someone, that's when I see something truly offensive. Take a look at these little Israeli youngsters practicing their penmanship on the long hard shaft of a missile. Additionally, this could be one of the best posts Dallas Penn has ever written.

Big clash over new field at Hickman Mills

Basically, this stupid little, local debate boils down to nothing more than a fight over (glorified) astroturf. However, I have a theory that opinions on this subject actually represent the organizing principal for modern day societies. Also, drinking light beer shouldn't count toward DUI's.

Optimus Prime

The Star is subliminally trying to tell you to stay home for the primaries. But there are actually a lot of good people worth leaving the house for . . . I can't say the same for picking up our local rag on weekday morning.

"1-2-3-4, We don't want Israeli war"

Misguided locals and immigrants Arabs mistakenly believe that anyone on the Country Club Plaza cares.

Dig Dug: KC panel problem or am I just being paranoid?

Here's something a few people have sent my way and you might have noticed it yourself. Boston's recent Big Dig problem could raise several questions in KC. A few locals have shown a good eye in noticing that those cement panels that killed one motorist and are currently bringing traffic to a stand still in Boston . . . Well, they look almost identical to the panels underneath Bartle Hall. I know I've claimed more than a few times that downtown redevelopment is just a disaster waiting to happen but the odd chance that I may get smooshed actually makes the whole thing half-way important to me now any maybe something they should look at given the fact that construction has pretty much made downtown impassable to everyone who doesn't have a helicopter.

3 slain, 11 hurt in area violence

I just wanted to point out once again that recent news makes this column seem outright silly. Here's some more news: A little skepticism of The Star's coverage will help you to avoid being surprised once reality strikes.

Colossus lands at Legends

The title of this article refers to some lame prehistoric-themed restaurant and not the colossal racism demonstrated by the fact that white people only build really cool stuff far, far away from where minorities can check it out.

Town Topics: Oh deer

• Without a cell phone, you will die. Also, I won't ever pick up a public phone receiver without some kind of Purell dialysis on call.


• Just like Peterson, Herman Edwards hires his old cronies in order to help his buddies and not the Chiefs.


• Talent protects the families of military personnel from payday loan scams just in time for election season.
  


• This story provides info on tax free times as kids go back to school which should provide you a long enough break to remember a time when your life actually belonged to you.


• Hunting for the handicapped . . . Or to be more politically correct I should note that this link provides info on outdoor activities for hunters who are merely physically challenged and don't have all of the emotional and psychological impairments shared by most other hunters.

The Group Thing

In response to a weekend shooting that involved 10 people and lead to the death of a local track star, some misguided locals have decided to light candles.

Sadly, unless the candles are part of some voodoo ceremony in an attempt to bring the poor kid back from the grave the whole thing is probably pretty pointless.

A good mass shooting and all kinds of other chaos erupting on local streets is always a sign that summer is here and unlike the global warming induced temperatures, violence among Black people in this town is a constant. South, east, midtown or whatever part of KC might vary but the summer is always the best time for killing in KC.

This seems to be a fact of life that no one can change. What frustrates me is all of the hand wringing and surprise when somebody turns up dead. A shooting while a bunch of urban (read: brown) kids are hanging out in a parking lot is the latest headline but this kind of thing, while tragic, isn't out of the ordinary. Say what you want about fairness or equality or that scary stat about more young, Black men in jail rather than college but the truth is that these are circumstances that don't seem to be changing so the best thing to do is recognize (snap, snap) their impact.

Here's what I do to try and protect myself from all of the social ills that befall Latinos:

1. Tell everyone I'm Lebanese. This doesn't work much lately since most Americans know think that all Arabs are terrorists.

2. Use a condom. They're great for keeping loose change in and it'll keep that pain in the ass convenience store clerk from giving you problems.

3. Say no to drugs. All my vices are taxable and therefore socially acceptable.

4. Treat women with kindness . . . Until we can agree on a price.

5. Support our troops. Because I'm not fighting for Dick Cheney's stock options. Not even if I see tanks roll past on Southwest Boulevard.

It's best for you to think about what can do to help Kansas City as well. So far candlelight vigils have done nothing other than put a few city council members into office and provide some stunning footage for the highlight reels of hack cameramen.

A Higher Power Comes to Kansas City

So if your convinced that all of the fighting in the Middle-East means the end of the world is at hand then maybe you should confer with a Higher Power in order to save your soul or lack thereof. Or, maybe you might just want to go see a play at the upcoming KC Fringe Festival in order to check out some up and coming local artists.

Local blogger Dan shares his enthusiasm and provides some info about show. Tune into 90.1 on your FM dial at 6:00 Monday evening, and listen to the author talk about the work. It seems pretty neat to me and for God's sake you should do anything over the weekend besides watching network TV which reminds me of Hell mainly because of the abundance of golf programming.

New Blog: Out of Focus

Remember local blogging prodigy (not the shitty British techno band) Dreadnought? Well, he's back and better than ever at his new Wordpress blog. A new design and some great writing make this blog worth your while.

"To the Right Wing, there is no such thing as a moderate Republican."

I don't know where Steve Rose is going with this but if it's even half way true then the Republicans are pretty much ceding JoCo since that place seems to typify a moderate Republican community (whatever that means and for better or worse). Via Kansasrino

Blogger Backtalk: Bloggers try and make all of these Wongs right

• The evolution of an obnoxious retailer: Obviously, Abercrombie hates Asians.


• One of my favorite local Irishmen (No Homo) draws some connections between KC and the fighting in Lebanon. A must read: "One of the surprises about Kansas City is the racial separateness of its subdivisions.


• "The KC Star botched its endorsements horribly this morning." A great counter to yet another lame editorial by The Star.


• You never know how good you had it until something goes bad. Read this post and count your blessings: "The hidden indignities that we white, male, suburban-dwellers must endure."


• Two bad movies and an amazing sight in Kansas City. Clearly, local life is far more interesting than the garbage Hollywood is putting out these days.

Respite

I'll be trying not to think of that horrible song by Seals & Crofts when I enjoy a cool summer breeze this afternoon. Actually, that song makes me think of farts but that's a completely different story.

Anyway, thank God that the heat let up. Now you'll have to find another excuse for wanting to kill yourself. Difficulty: Stop blaming your parents.

Take care. And don't kill yourself . . . I need all the readers I can get.

Background on Brent Barber and mortgage fraud scam

The news from yesterday wasn't really that new. A local reporter covered the story 3 years ago. Interesting article that starts with this great opening line: "Brent Barber lives in a million-dollar mansion in Loch Lloyd, while people who invested in his real estate deals are trapped in financial hell." The fact that the dude is now going to be living in prison proves that there is justice/karma/whatever in this world, you just have to wait for it. Via KC Soil.

Mark Gubicza inducted into Royals Hall of Fame

The third winningest (sp?) pitcher in Kansas City history, the 22nd person inducted into the Royals Hall of Fame and yet one more reminder of how pitiful the current team is this season.

Thief With Panty On Head Robs Candy Shop

You know, given the recent heat wave, last night was almost chilly and I guess any form of clothing will do in a pinch . . . Still, this story makes me laugh not only because of the women's underwear . . . But who robs a candy store? Really, unless this was a diabetes prevention group playing hardball it's probably one of the stupidest crimes of the year.

Friendly Run in

I was out last night at a local, low rent barbecue joint. I saw a local politico that I had met once or twice before. As I was picking up my artery clogger the lady stopped and talked to me for a second. We exchanged all the boring plesantries until she raised her eyebrow and said: "You know, I took a look at that blog of yours. I hadn't read it until now. Interesting. I don't know if I'll read it again but I was glad that I read it once. Just once."

And I swear she scratched her head and gave me the finger at the same time. NICE! Sometimes it's good to know that you're making a difference.

Anyway, careful out there this weekend kids. The nice weather is putting the cops out on the street in order to meet their quota protect our roads so that means they're writing a lot of tickets and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few drunk driving checkpoints as well. As always, thank you for reading and have a fun and safe weekend.

Election time means sign stealing in Kansas City

Check out the KCMOHOTLINE.com for more info about the subject and then wait for hilarious video footage that the TV stations will inevitably broadcast as campaign season makes this town's politicos ridonkulous.

"Construction on Metro area highways will be giving drivers headaches for months to come."

In the near future, KC's downtown will be nearly impassable (Or even more so). Downtown redevelopment has been poorly planed all the way around and traffic is only the most visible aspect of Mayor Kay's folly. I wouldn't trust this lady to coordinate my sandwich and that's only slightly more important than the transportation of thousands of people and major economic development.

KC man indicted for sex trafficking of three children

The indictment is the first under the district's Human Trafficking Initiative - which is really just a fancy name for sleazy. Read Daniel Radosh's blog for some insight on the sex trafficking hysteria that has not only overtaken the media but now seems to be the buzzword among law enforcement officials.

Kansas City gives EDC a 14 percent raise

The KC Biz journal reports: Kansas City increased financing of its Economic Development Corp. by $150,000, or 14 percent, the organization's CEO said Friday. In other biz news that is a little less lily white: A local law firm is going to fund $270,000 for minority scholarships to law schools which is nice because suing the man is cool and because you don't have to wear a sports jersey in order take advantage of the cash . . . I think.

Local college kids learn about home invasion

There is an underlying message to this story that nobody is going to bother report . . . Mainly that the Eastside is not safe for dumb college kids. Seriously folks, if somebody is knocking on your door with crowbar, I think it's safe to say that you might want to just pretend like you're not home. The story reports that the kids are moving to a "safer" (read: less brown people) neighborhood so I guess everything worked out in the end.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: KCTV5 reports some new important details about the story. It wasn't a crowbar, it was a tire iron. AND, it was a teenager who intimidated the dumb college dudes into submission. This is important in terms of accuracy and also in making those guys seem like pussies. Also, it strengthens my thought about the importance of gun ownership not only for home security but also because they are shiny.

"Dear Kansas City Star Readers' Representative . . ."

A great summation of all our local rag's problems. It all boils down to: "Fix your ugly ass front page."

Blatant transfer of tax money to a private company

BlogKC expertly covers another nasty, blatant, typical KC TIF abuse.

Hipster culture mixes with hip-hop and gives birth to DJ Marcus

Allow me to hate for just a few more seconds: Seriously, I know this stuff seems cool to a lot of you but believe me that all of these white people enjoying hip-hop is nothing more than the modern day equivalent of the popularity of Pat Boone. By the way, it has been scientifically proven that nowadays, rap music makes you stupid. One last thing, I won't fault Jenee Osterheldt or her pretty little hoop earring wearing head for writing this kind of tripe, we all have to deal with our day gigs but as an adult you have to understand that this kind of column and the profusion of hipster denizens make rap music nothing more than a soundtrack for flagrant niche marketing.

Prospect Corridor neighborhoods in KC continue to suffer since the extensive mortgage fraud

Think of this story every time you meet with a real estate "developer." Here's a little secret that real estate people don't want you to know about: The real estate game is almost completely corrupt and in KC, a player in this market nearly has a license to steal hand over fist while wining and dining with all of the "leaders" of this community. The story doesn't end with Brent Barber and the eight men and women convicted of assisting him in the largest mortgage-fraud scheme ever prosecuted in western Missouri . . . That's only where it starts and what this story really reveals is the devastating toll it takes on the residents of low income KC neighborhoods.

"Keep pressing for events at KC's Sprint Center"

Typical cheerleading from The Star. Also, "Don't Stop Thinking about Tomorrow" and pray that tractor pulls, a week and a half of basketball and the Ice Capades can earn back hundreds of millions of dollars of your money.

Pimpin' ain't easy in Kansas City

If I'm reading this story right, a bit of jealousy might have been involved which shows you that the guy was completely off his pimp game. Also, pimp's aren't supposed to shoot people, they're supposed to cut you with a switch blade. Finally, this sorry situation could have all been avoided with a simple "Pimp Slap" in order to keep the ho in line . . . I swear, what this story really reports is that Kansas City Pimps have fallen off their game.

Inmates doing time without AC

Just like a lot of the poor people they victimized. Hate to be all "Law and order" about this one but the premise of this story just makes me want to crank up my air condition a few degrees higher. And maybe enjoy a mint julep just to be a jerk about it.

The sign says

I will tell you once and for all that I've never once been persuaded to vote for some douche just because I see an ass load of his signage cluttering up the city. In fact, if I have a negative opinion about the candidate than the lawn signs just reinforce it. They are nothing but a waste of paper and they likely don't even represent much of an endorsement from the people whose lawns host the signs. Hosting a lawn sign doesn't involve you in the political process simply because you let a campaign goon intimidate you. Also, those extra-mega 6-foot X 6-foot signs that you can see from space are just telling everyone that your candidacy is compensating.

Anyway, if you wanna see the outdoor communication thing done right, Theresa Garza has some great billboards over the Westside. They feature her with her Grandma who is a staple of this community. The billboard approach beats the crappy signs hands down because it represents an investment in a candidacy, it exists in a pre-approved space for public communication and it doesn't waste as much resources. I'm all about grass roots movements but the Democrat machine putting its drones on the street to place these wasteful signs all over the city doesn't strike me as the voice of the people.

KCTV5 Reporter Indicted

A traffic reporter at KCTV5 was recently indicted in some weird ass grocery store scam. You have to hand it to the news company in this case, at least they came with it first rather than having some other local media outlet do it for them. Here's a quote from the story on their website:

Late this afternoon, we learned four people have been indicted with defrauding two local businesses of more $650,000.

Among those indicted is Arlene Francis.

Ms. Francis is the traffic reporter at KCTV5.

She's charged with nine counts of wire fraud and four counts of money laundering.

Sad news for the lady and that station but it got me thinking. Here are some crimes I'd like to see other local TV personalities commit:

For all of the local women reporters I can't really think of anything I'd like more than some good old fashioned public nudity. Here's my wish list:

Kelly Eckerman (of course)
Katie Horner (If she gets that excited over 2 inches of rain, you know she's wild)
Meredith Hoenes (Nobody can be that perky . . . Or can they?)

The dude's portion of my crime spree wish list is simple:

Larry Moore (punching a child "I'll show you something about sick, kid!")
Gary Leezak (Animal Cruelty - I swear those dogs change every time and nobody notices. It's the perfect crime for him really)
Brian Busby (Ah man, that's just too easy)

Nope, none of this stuff will ever happen but I have to say that the era of "reporters as the story" is already upon us. By the way, this girl from YouTube is a sensation for reasons that aren't entirely wholesome but I don't wanna go into all that . . . Hundreds of thousands of pervs watching a young girl reporting on her life is where we're headed with the news and the rest of the media. Sad thing is . . . We won't be missing out on all that much information.

KCI exceeds 1M passengers in June

The KC Biz Journal reports: "For the first time since August 2001, Kansas City International Airport had more than 1 million passengers in a month, with 1,002,060 passengers in June, the Kansas City Aviation Department said Thursday." September when? Yeah, people have really short memories and I wouldn't ever count on your ex lighting a candle for you or any of his/her (several) other partners.

Layoffs increase in Missouri, Kansas

Stick it to the man whenever you can because you won't get a chance after he sticks it to you. In other news, I have no idea where all of these office supplies came from.

KC completes financing of entertainment district

OR . . . The noose tightens. Here's hoping that trumped up versions of Chili's and Applebees and an over priced grocery store can revive downtown after dark.

Northeast KC Shooting

I'm really sick of hearing about the "significantly" lower crime rate this year. Reminds me of the (unfunny) joke about the Korean War Vet talking about his tour. He called his experience "The big one" and someone asked him "You mean World War II?" No, Korea he said: "It was big to me!"

Missionaries Return From Lebanon

Thankfully, these people returned home safely so they could not complicate an already tense situation by converting people to Christianity with the lure of fun activities (and food).

Blogger Backtalk: The Luck of the Local Bloggers

• There will be an Irish-Themed Play at KC Fringe Festival. Like all alternative theater it will be horrible but you won't notice because they'll probably serve drinks. By the way, you should read Irish KC all the time for a much more informed perspective on the subject that doesn't confuse them with the Scottish. All white people look alike to me.
  


• "Pappa John's SUCKS" You want an honest review without all of those pointless adjectives, ask a blogger.


• Fantastic post about the summer doldrums of news coverage: "I broke a nail a couple of weeks ago...why didn't they cover that?"


• This blogger writes an apology whereas I would have simply let them know my schedule. Funny stuff: "To my neighbors"
  

TKC wouldn't dare pick a fight with the local Tall Israelis but Mel Solomon's fundraising is meshuga

Here's hoping that nobody knows the secret location of my underground lair (read: mom's basement) but I have some (publicly available) info that calls into question the secret relationship between the Tall Israelis in the Golden Ghetto (JoCo) and politics in Kansas City proper. Nope, I'm not good enough to come across this myself but I have tipsters out there who are every bit as clever as the Mossad. By the way, did you see Spielberg's Munich? It was really good, those guys are tough and I wish I could sign up but I doubt I could convert. And even if I did I think I'd still keep a crucifix under my bed and wink at it every now and then just to flip out my Jewish wife. Also, if I converted to Judaism I wonder who I would root for when I saw movies like "The Passion of The Christ" or "The Nativity Story" . . . I'm not sure but I probably wouldn't feel guilty about eating popcorn during those kind of flicks anymore.

Anyway, there are two other headlines I was considering as alternatives to the one I posted:

Tall Israelis run KC politics

OR

KC 4th District Candidate Mel Solomon spends most of his time in JoCo

So here's the deal: Solomon recently spent campaign money to attend a "community event" called the "HBHA Dinner." The HBHA is The Hyman Brand Hebrew Academy and it's located in Overland Park.

So my question is: Why is a KC politico reaching into his campaign coffers in order to go out to Overland park? Is he fundraising? If so, what are the Overland Park folks going to want in return and why should the people in the 4th District support somebody whose allegiances lie with a community that gave up on KC a long time ago? Also, I'd like a good recipe for Matzah ball soup.

One last thing, check out Solomon's list of contributors for a good laugh. Lots of interesting names that also include real estate/advertising/money man Ray Braswell who is busy "developing" KC right out of your price range.

Kansas Insurance Commissioner Candidate Can't Get His Facts Straight

This article should have been on the cover of The Pitch this week. It's an amazing piece that basically puts the screws to one of these loud mouth anti-immigration activists who run fast and loose with the truth. It's a classic Pitch hit piece that harkens back to the glory days of the publication . . . Like I noted, it should have been featured on the cover. Instead, the front page of the weekly brings a bunch of boring details about a story that's more than a month old and was covered a lot better by KC Currents. I filed a grouchy post about this topic myself . . . In April!!!

Listen I like The Pitch, you like The Pitch but this cookie cutter garbage pushed by The New Times Corporation is threatening to suck the life out of every story they cover.

There has to be something they can do to spice things up . . . Again I lament the fact there were no local bloggers featured in this issue. Also, if there is going to be a local print mag that features a Page 3 Girl, the Pitch would certainly be the best place to start.

I'm full of . . . Suggestions and these hipsters should pay me for this sage advice. Yet I'm sure my words will go unheeded and the rag will continue to only follow orders from the head office (No homo on my part but I can't speak for them).

So since they won't spice things up, I will. I've been falling behind on ass pics for this page so I found a woman with A LOT OF ASS in order to make up for my oversight.

Here is hip-hop model/groupie/skank/whatever Tasesna:

Little Miss Chatterbox does her homework

Amazing post from this local blogger with a lot of amazing information about Hezbollah. A must read if you want to know what the locals are thinking about the subject.

Quick Question

It's nice to note that plans were recently unveiled for the Berkley Riverfront Park. However, I'd like to know one thing: Why don't any of these illustrations depict the homeless, hookers, drug addicts, gun violence or pervs? Considering that's how most parks in this city roll . . . I would like just a little realism when it comes to design. Also, I don't want to get into a debate with you about how nice local parks are . . . That's ghey . . . Just like Mill Creek park.

While I don't want to hear another word about The Black Archives, you might

For those of you who like to throw other people's money down the drain (even if it might be a good cause) there will be a public hearing regarding the fate of The Black Archives held on Thursday, Aug. 17 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. in the Meeting Room on the second floor of the Gem Theater in the American Jazz Museum, located at 1615 E. 18th St. (18th and Vine). This is actually a good idea, people who attend the meeting can look around and see how abandoned the 18th and Vine District is after dark and then maybe they'll realize that funding something that no one has any interest in is a very bad idea.

You dropped the (practice) bomb on me

I hope this Kansas lake doesn't have any connections to Hezbollah but if it does then all the better since it was recently bombed by military. Also, if you ever wondered why "They" hate us I think that part of the reason (just a wild guess) might be because the U.S. sends $2.1 billion for military aid to a country with a reasonably high per capita income. Not that I would actually give a damn what filthy Arabs terrorists think but it just struck me as funny.

Filthy, Dirty Hippies Actually Pay Taxes After All

Wakarusa Festival provides even more revenue for Douglas County. This story reads a lot like an outtake from Super Troopers. "Spread it on!"

Great review of "The Hillary Step" over at Patchchord.

Check out the best local music blog in the city. Seriously, those other ones suck. No, I'm not referring to "There Stands the Glass" - That one actually rocks as well.

Crossroads Crime Wave Makes Me Laugh

There is trouble in the crossroads (hipster paradise) as good publicity seems to have also attracted local crooks. This is why rich white people make me laugh . . . They set out with these unrealistic goals and then they're surprised when things inevitably go wrong.

Burglars have hit 11 businesses in the Crossroads District in a month, KMBC's Lara Moritz reported Wednesday.

Also, it's no surprise to me (or readers of this blog) that po'folk (and drug addicts) might want a little pay back since anyone who knows anything about downtown redevelopment knows that it's basically a product of theft (read: eminent domain). Additionally, I'm a little leery that too much Crossroads success might give "these people" (rich hipsters and Tall Israeli real estate developers) the wrong idea about how much sway they really hold in this town. Everyone knows that the Crossroads officially ends on Broadway, yet these people seem to want to push further west. That, my freshly tattooed friends, is where The Westside starts and we're already inundated with millionaires in search of a good view . . . The last thing we need is more art school dropouts.

But I find that nature takes care of itself. Just as we can trust that the greenhouse gases will eventually choke away all of the polluters like a cleansing brush fire. So too will crime and the other nasty realities of urban living most likely thwart the irrational exuberance of downtown redevelopment. I guess you could argue the other way: Trendy restaurants and boutiques could completely transform the way we live here in KC and there will never be any more crime thanks to a bevy of white people who buy way too many t-shirts and listen to emo bands . . . But probably not.

I'm not exactly welcoming a crime wave but, . . . Yeah I am.

Blogger Backtalk: Myspace is for matricide and pervs while bloggers write books

• Local blogger Mac's book is soon to be published.


• Similarly, Joe's book is gaining momentum every day.
  


• Speaking of literature one of my a favorite bloggers in the city shares a favorite excerpt about this town and gives us a nice mention as he is now putting on oven mitts to catch the bun soon to be coming out of the oven!!!
  


• And you should already know that reading Gone Mild is very important. And if you don't know, then now you know.
  

"Colbert Honors Buck O'Neil"

Local blogger Dan reports: "Stephen Colbert just put a picture of local favorite Negro-leaguer Buck O'Neil on his mantel, proclaiming it a bigger honor than the Hall of Fame." I've watched the show a few times and I think it's great but I have a theory that's it's not really satire, it's actually just a way to get you to laugh and then one day you wake up with Ann Coulter and find out that she'd neither a dude nor a lady. Also, yellow is the new orange.

Another local myspace (alleged) killer

You've no doubt seen it by now but in case you haven't here is the myspace page of Taylor "T-Mar" Marquez. A lot of folks will tell you that Greg "dirtbag" Reeves found the link over at his splog but I think the insights from KCTalk and local blogger Cara are far more interesting and don't try and disguise themselves as "journalism" on a story that's really nothing more than a bit of juicy gossip.

Now before you all go and cast the first stone regarding this story (too late) I should say that this kid isn't the first one who (allegedly) killed one of his parents. I've been to nursing homes and watched old ladies fade away looking out a window going without visitors for weeks at a time and it seems like a love knife might have actually been a lot nicer. Also, from what I hear, interracial dating is one of the most common ways to send your parents to an early grave.

Then there is the matter of the embarrassing web page. I have to plead guilty on this one too. If I'm ever arrested and a bunch of "holier than thou" people find this blog I can only hope that I've committed one of the following offenses:

1. Yelled loud enough in front of The Star building that all the glass shattered.
2. Streaking at the first big event in The Sprint Center.
3. "Seasoning" tacos in Johnson County with my own special sauce.
4. Running away with Greg Reeves to raise sheep.
5. Committing some kind of act that (might or might not) constitute a hate crime against 87% of the Pitch staff.

Obviously, I'm kidding about nearly all of these ideas. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone . . . But I'm not adverse to watching, pointing and laughing while snacking on popcorn.

The evolution of blogging

This blogger explains some info about "why we blog" from The Pew Internet & American Life Project. Creative expression and money come up but I'm very surprised there is no mention of ass. Not that a you'd want any part of somebody willing to give you ass because you're a blogger but it's the thought that counts.

Tony needs to relax

Ugh, I posted way too many links yesterday. I'm only 5'11 (on a good day) so I have a problem with compensating even though my wang is huge (Can you say Napoleon/Napolean complex, kids?). I could link every news item in Kansas City but I don't think that's worth the time considering that half of the stories are worthless fodder from the TV news stations. So this is just a little post reminding myself that I have to prioritize in order for the info on this blog to be even halfway useful (if only to myself).

Civics lesson

Local students are learning how government works which might not be a good idea since an accurate depiction would include instruction on how to trade political favors for money and sex while continuing to spew banal sound bytes and taking orders from billionaires and real estate developers.

Tall Israelis Always Win

Recently, a local Rabbi took time to discuss the Dead Sea Scrolls. I'm pretty sure that those documents ultimately claim that the Big JC is nothing more than a figment of my imagination so I don't feel to bad about being ignorant regarding their contents.

Similarly, a few of you have recently asked about the definition of "Tall Israelis."

Like most of my vocabulary, I copied it from Black people. I learned the term by reading Byron Crawford's blog and I think it was Mos Def who originally coined the phrase.

And speaking of Israelis, I was wondering if I would get a chance to comment about all Hell breaking loose in the Middle-East but it turns out that I don't have much to write about the subject. The only benefit I can see is that it provides a look at real border chaos to Americans upset about Mexicans coming this way looking for work and carrying nothing more lethal than leaf blowers . . . Which is a long way from a ground invasion. However, all of the fighting only furthers my belief that God isn't on anybody's side in a war like so many politicos would have you think. What's more important is to have a technological advantage . . . That's been true since Agincourt and given the fact that the Arabs gained a mastery over medium range rockets, another wave of fighting was almost unavoidable. I think Han Solo said it best when he remarked: "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side."

Anyway, I'm not sure that any of it really applies to Kansas City when you consider the fact that this town's Jewish Community abandoned KC proper for the Kansas suburbs in much the same way all of the Italians moved north of the river.

And for the record, so many of you readers (3) think that I'm really not a bad guy for continually posting misogynist, racist, mean-spirited crap like what I've written in this post and so many others. You could say that I'm just pressing buttons or trying to entertain by exposing these stereotypes and writing about them with no limitations whatsoever. That would be nice. But there is also the distinct possibility that I'm just an asshole. Unfortunately, you probably have to date me in order to find out. No fat chicks.

How I would love to help a Star columnist

Jenee Osterheldt is not only bereft of ideas, it seems that she's also broke. Now I know the lady is teasing me because this "woman in peril" scenario evokes so many sleazy situations in my dirty mind. Eh, I guess I shouldn't obsess over some lame column about weddings. If this hoop ear ring wearing writer was really having money problems I'm sure the Star could find her additional work washing windows . . . I hear that's what they make all of their minority writers do as punishment anyway.

Catching up with the kids

A story that doesn't matter much in the grand scheme of things is still unfolding in the local press. Here are the most recent headlines:

Update: Mental Health Evaluation for Teen Caught After Mom's Murder

Teen Murder Suspects Caught

Sadly, this could be the most boring story regarding matricide since I was fell asleep during Hamlet. Which reminds me of how much I miss Esmie and how I'm counting the days until her sexy ass is legal and out on bail. Hummmmm, I wonder if this is a trend with suburban kids (allegedly) killing their mothers . . . Seems like somebody is watching too much Stewie Griffin on Family Guy.

Here's my favorite quote just for fun:

Stewie (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend):
"Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!"

Re-mix

The Star reports that a local man convicted of murder could get a new trial because he wasn't aware of a better deal he could have received.

The Kansas City man contends his attorney was ineffective because he did not tell him that prosecutors offered a plea deal of second-degree murder, which would have carried a shorter sentence than life without parole. Prosecutors denied making such an offer.

Again, I have no problem with this as long as I'm allowed a do-over on a few things I've screwed up as well starting with 90% of my haircuts, nearly all of my electronics purchases and the fact that I own a pair of parachute pants along with a dumbass George Foreman grill I've only used once.

Star Struck: See Skanks Smile

Miss America, Jennifer Berry, came to the Kansas City Zoo to hand out free ice cream and speak out against drunken driving and underage drinking.
- Yes kids, listen and learn from this woman who is merely two or three steps above a prostitute. The evolutionary ladder goes something like this: hooker -> stripper -> waitress -> beauty pageant contestant and then Hillary Clinton. Somewhere in between a young woman might spend time dating a Chiefs player.

Candidates offer visions for county
- They all wear glasses. Isn't it ironic, don'tcha think?

Science City summer camp rocks
- Poor, poor man who was paid to write this batch of PR lies.

Host of party found guilty in underage drinker's death
- Always better to drink alone.

Program pays addicts to use birth control
- Old issue gets local spin as racist program probably doesn't offer money to upper class white women addicted to shopping, promoting social causes that don't affect them, talking and guilt trips.

Up against the wall
- Activity promotes eye-hand coordination as well as fitness benefits and offers local kids an opportunity to see what life is like for a minority.

The Dime Store in Brookside was a local favorite for decades. It recently closed. Here's what the local have to say about it.
- Yeah, don't believe a word of it. People are always great for giving nostalgic quotes but then they take their money straight to Starbucks.

Traffic issues topped the list of concerns regarding the redevelopment plan of North Oak Trafficway during a public meeting last week.
- How can we help Kansas City get to the suburbs more efficiently? Bastards.

So exactly when is the "slave master" gonna get killed?

Under new rules, gays will no longer be banned from foster program.
- OR . . . Yet another reason why adopted kids get beat up in school.

KC's complex

The Sports Complex Authority recently won its no-bid case because the public shouldn't be involved at all in decisions about how its money is spent. Go Chiefs!!! Obviously, everybody is happy about this because it means fewer prying eyes on what's happening with the renovation . . . Obviously, we're left only to assume that it's business as usual in this town where not even the courts can get in the way of sweet, sweet construction money.

Town Topics: It's all pretty much pitbull coverage around here

Pit Bull ATTACKS! Yeah, apparently the heat and dog bites are the only news out there for a lot of local reporters who probably wish they were on summer break.

There shouldn't be much debate. It's basically a choice between Dieter from Sprockets and some old dude who you wouldn't trust with the remote.

O'Neil Becomes Oldest Pro Baseball Player

KCP&L calls the shots in your home once again.

KCK Man Accused Of Exposing Himself At Park
- Yes, there are pervy ways to keep cool as well.

Mom Sentenced For Punishing Son With Hot Shower
- Sad story but I'm forwarding this to my mom since she keeps on complaining about how I never bathe.

Chick-fil-A plans first area stand-alone stores
- Let's hope that great tremor in the force you just felt is just gas and not one your arteries clogging.

Missouri Company Bottles, Sells Air To Health-Conscious
- I swear I thought of this scam first but I thought I'd go to jail if I told people they couldn't breathe unless they paid me.

Man accused of killing girlfriend
- Yeah, it's all just some news story until you're confronted about your prediliction for clown porn.

Kid In Kennel Causes Mix-Up
- All children should be caged.

Willis Carrier was a mighty man
- Or maybe not, I figure white people would have started packing their bags long ago had it not been for this invention.

Couple Charged for Withholding Food, Bathroom from Girl
- Note to parents: Do not take advice on tough love from anyone named Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Codes Enforcement Crackdown
- Stringent codes enforcement only becomes a problem when it affects middle-class white people, in any other circumstance it's simply called re-development.

KC Ranks 21st For Natural Disaster Risk
- I'm sure our ranking goes higher when Katherine Shields gets hungry.

All roads lead to lovely local blogger Sheri as she considers entering the fight against Bridge-Zilla.

They're Rich, BIOTCH!!!

The Performing Arts Center recently named a CEO. This is actually an interesting story about somebody who'll spend more money than you'll ever have . . . Not that it impacts your life one way or another but it's nice to know exactly who will be catering to this town's upper class housewives. A lot of people have told me that these broads aren't so bad when you consider that it' not tax money that they're spending and their goal is to enrich the community (with white culture). That makes sense, but then again if you follow that logic then you probably don't have much of a problem with these bitches (and their ilk) completely dominating local politics based on their whims while the rest of us simply try and make it through the day without having a Taser used on us.

The Swan Song from the KC-MO Violent Crime Commission

I'll save you some time. Rather than listening to this story, simply light a candle and sing Fleetwood Mac's "Tell me lies" in order to save yourself from your brain exploding as you listen to a lot of good people come up with complete bullshit in answer to the question: "Why do Black people kill each other?" You might want to get some Vaseline as well if your simply going to let local leaders lie to you without any criticism at all.

Bringing out the kid in you

Why should inmates miss out on all the fun of murder simply because they're locked up? I guess there is no reason anybody can think of . . . Here's a couple of headlines on the subject:

Court: Pregnant Inmates Can Have Abortions

Missouri Must Allow Inmates to Have Abortions

I guess it's good to know that the state doesn't have a right to interfere in the string of bad decisions that led a broad to jail in the first place.

Quick Question

Don't you people work? I was running an errand (buying more snack cakes) last night and I noticed that the Kona Grill on the Plaza was packed (with hipsters and skanks as usual). What's up with that?

It was a Tuesday Night for Jeezy Creezy's sake. Are they giving away free hot wings or something? I've never been to the place but I'm guessing it's maybe a few rungs up the ladder from Chili's or Applebees so it can't be the food. If anybody has any insight on this issue please let me know or better yet tell me where these nitwits work so I can send in my resume. I also would like to goof of all night in a dorky bar wearing the latest shirt from the gap, pick up a bleach blonde who might not have herpes and b.s. until the break of dawn. Yeah, whatever jobs these people have . . . I wanna work there . . . Almost seems as good as my dream gig: Soap Opera Business Mogul. From what I gather you simply walk into your corner office with a great view (or a cardboard cutout of one) and then put in a distressed call into your mistress.

This is a good place to quote my favorite song lyric from The Wizard of Oz. No homo.

"We get up at twelve and start to work at one,
Take an hour for lunch, and then at two we're done,
Jolly good fun."

Actually, I guess that's my dream job.

Cool it Now

Here's a list of places to keep cool in Kansas City. Here's the reference to the title of this post for those of you who had to wait about ten years to listen to the Backstreet Boys, N'Sync and other douche bags basically steal the same act only this time make hundreds of millions of dollars from it.

Anyway, a summer heat wave always gives hack writers an excuse to be cute so I'll spare you since the greenhouse gases aren't going to . . . Thing is, it may be bad out there but unless the summer sun has already fried your brain it's relatively easy to keep cool unless you're a manual laborer (read: Mexican or poor white/Black).

Here are some quick tips from TKC in order to beat the heat:

1. Mom's basement is always cool, dank and thanks to e-bay and video poker now comes with high speed Internet access. That may not do you any good but it's basically been my key to survival since college.

2. Tempers are short when it gets hot. This week is not a good time to "keep it real." Instead, find some shade and let the other guy enjoy the air conditioned county lock up.

3. The Price Chopper in Roeland Park (El Choppo) is the now the coldest place on the planet. I'm guessing that the Mexicans like it comfortable when they spend the $3.75 they've earned working in the heat all day.

4. Underwear is overrated.

5. Think of all your ex-girlfriends and then let a cold chill pass over your body when you realize that you were really lucky to avoid spending the rest of your life admitting you were wrong all the time.

Quick Reminder

Kansas City was, is and will always be a cowtown.

Jack FM: KC's Outlet for Dumbasses

The locals are doing their best to make up for the lack of dumbass DJ commentary according to this local blogger.

Jackson County hates the Internet

BlogKC has some great tips for the folks in Jackson County who think that cutting off Internet access to their employees is going to solve all their problems. Meanwhile, JoCo is working on building a wireless network . . . Meanwhile this county wouldn't know what to do if billionaires and real estate developers didn't tell them.

Have you read 'Sparrow's Fall" lately?

Sadly, I have to admit that I hadn't been keeping up but then I went and looked and local artist Parrish has a nifty new RSS feed going on. So now I'm set or as some art school dropout would say (while pretending to be original) : "Art is to me the glorification of the human spirit, and as such it is the cultural documentation of the time in which it is produced."

"So you would expect to see consumers doing things to lessen the impact of rising fuel prices, right?"

This local blogger points out that crappy cars are part of the problem.

25 and a day: Mexican-American Memorials Don't Matter

There was oh so much clamoring for a new memorial to commemorate the Hyatt Disaster yesterday that one fact was left out.

There is already a memorial marking the Hyatt Disaster and a few of its more promising victims . . . In Topeka of all places.

Once again, so much media coverage in this town pretty much reflects this city's attitude: "If it's not white mainstream suburban middle-of-the-road then it's not worth mentioning.

It reminds me of the Hyatt Disaster itself . . . Building something fancy that a few privileged people will enjoy is all well and good until it comes crashing down because it's poorly designed. KC redevelopment will ultimately follow the same course. Re-Building this city on land theft (read: eminent domain), classism (read: gentrification), bad economics (read: KC's debt load) and racism (read: How many Black people did you see on First Friday or employed in the construction of the Sprint Center?) is simply bad Karma. This town is walking toward the future on feet of clay and all the TIF money in the world isn't working to change the course or prevent yet another disaster brought about by bad planning.

Update: Check out this amazing story on the mariachi ladies I mentioned above from KC Currents.

Room for a KC transit plan

A padded one if you think there is any public support for Clay Chastain or (even) higher taxes.

After the Empire Theater is renovated into a multiplex, it will take its original name: the Main Street Theater.

I'm sure the disease carrying pigeons who inhabit the place now will be happy to know this because it won't matter to anybody else seeing as people can see the same shitty movie out in the suburbs so there is no reason to travel to downtown KC in order to do so.

Town Topics: These kids are killing me

Police Seek Teenage Son, Second Teen After Murder of Assistant U.S. Attorney's Wife
- I refuse to care about this story. It seems to have no pertinence to any one else but the f-ed up family involved in the ordeal.

Car In Grain Valley Slaying Found In Colorado
- Every murder story is OJ. Keep telling yourself this as you watch TV news coverage.

ACLU To Challenge Missouri's Voter ID Law
- This should read: Efforts to keep Mexicans from voting are unconstitutional.

Bernstein-Rein starts new Wal-Mart campaign
- Only this company and the Tall Israelis from this town's worst "creative" organization could find a way to exploit organic food. Somewhere I hope there is a dirty filthy, hippie working for pennies a day.

Police Haul Away A Half Dozen People After Stabbing
- Seems like it's too hot to stab somebody right now.

Missouri Attorney General Cracks Down on Junk Mail
- Please include campaign literature on this list!

Home Invaders Shoot One, Beat Two Others
- Or, local thugs working hard on rising crime numbers to make anybody give a damn about Eastside violence.

Kansas City Takes Steps to Protect Workers and Citizens from Heat
- Pot holes can now double as pools.

Ho's Trading Recalls Advance Brand Coconut Gel
- Stupid ho.

Homeless in High School
- In case you forgot, this JoCo article reminds you that there is nothing more disheartening than being poor and white.

This white woman can have my credit card anytime

I don't know if this news story glamorizes a local theft/fraud suspect but at least now we can all see the face that belongs to the voice of those annoying Citibank commercials.

Amtrak riders spend part of their trip on bus

This form of transportation is wrecked in every sense of the word.

Prosecutors will seek the death penalty against two Kansas City men accused of killing a man last year because he was black

Poor souls might soon learn that God is Puerto Rican.

Spay & Neuter KC

Unfortunate title of a local program to reduce the population of unwanted pets has nothing to do with birth control for people who can't keep it in their pants . . . Unfortunately.

Gunmen steal cash, gold tooth

I didn't know this but apparently hot weather makes people around here retarded.

The Kansas City Repertory Theatre on Friday reported record revenue

There is more money in napping than originally suspected.

All dance clubs are ghey

Great column by Hearne about the local club scene yesterday. However, there was one error: If you are dancing at any local hipster club, odds are you're probably ghey. Not homosexual . . . Just ghey.

3 Johnson County cities explore creating a Wi-Fi network

White people are connected.

Pit Bulls Banned in Overland Park

Fear and bad science win the day in Kansas. It's not news, it's pretty much par for the course. They say it would be one of the nicest places to live if it weren't for the people.

Star Struck: Here's some links from these losers

Royals blow another four-run lead in 5-4 loss to Red Sox
- You should feel stupid for every paying attention to talk of a winning streak. I know I do.

Talent outpaces McCaskill in fundraising
- Voting for the lesser evil in this instance could make your head explode.

Just like KCMO school kids, former Kansas City Superintendent Bernard Taylor still doesn't know much about geography.
- Either he misses us or he hasn't cashed his first check.

Voter ID law violates the Hancock Amendment to the state constitution by putting unfunded mandates on local election authorities.
- Katherine Shields stands up for your right to vote Democrat early and often.

Red Ozone Alert! Issued for Kansas City Region

I don't know why but it kinda seems like this might have been what the last days on Krypton might have felt like . . . Only nicer because Marlon Brando isn't around.

KC Comic Wars

This blogger provides some great scoop on all the KC Comic book news that local nerds are too afraid to tell me for fear it will cost them their wallet to look my way - it will. Anyway, here it is and it's damn interesting:

Why is it that rival comic shop owners hate each other so much? . . . This reminds me of what is going on in Kansas City between two other shops, that are right next to each other, Clints Comics, and Bebop comics. Clint's is an old school comic shop, and bebop has embraced anime and other nerd stuff to try and diversify itself. Evidentially these two shops have tried to sue each other for slander, made comments about each other in newspapers, and tried to sabotage the others' shops. That strikes me as nuts.

I can't really contribute much to this awesome post but it reminds me of how I always thought the Superfriends had an unbelievable premise. There is no way all those superheros could hang out with each other without the following stuff going down:

1. A hate crime committed against Aquaman. He is ghey you know.
2. Wonder Woman getting date raped by Batman. (Rich dudes are always down with that and he probably has a great lawyer on the batphone speed dial.
3 Wonder Woman having a threeway with Superman and "a friend from school."
4. Wonder Woman having to move out of the house after she gets herpes and is otherwise embarrassed by her slutty behavior.
5. Everyone in the Hall of Justice being bummed out for about 20 minutes when they find out that Wonder Woman committed suicide.

KC from an outsider's view

This is actually a pretty good poem. I like the opening line: "Kansas City. Full of Pride. Full of Anger built inside. Full of mafia. Full of jerks. Full of Users, Abusers and the Works."

"The heat is sweltering, even at night."

I've always know that local blogger Mac Tonnies is a genius but he truly shows his insight when he compares the current Midwest heatwave with a similar situation in France a few years ago. Furthermore, Mac looks into the future with crystal clear clarity and predicts what everybody in this town is afraid to talk about and what is likely the "negative synergy" that downtown planners aren't considering when both downtown redevelopment (read: gentrification) the abundance of luxury living space and global warming combine. Mac looks into the future and writes: "I can easily imagine high temperatures making overnight ghost towns out of low-income suburbs."

Time to heal

I haven't ever thought of this but local blogger Pomegranate posted a pretty insightful thought a few days ago. I never really feel overworked because I enjoy what I do and as far as people bothering me . . . When I want to be left alone I usually just stop showering and that takes care of all but my most loyal supporters. So I can't say that I identify with the post but it's written so nicely that I thought I should take note.

"It had a certain hippie charm."

Georgie Porgie's is reopening.

"The reddest of the red states just cannot produce a candidate worth a damn"

Kansas summers are hot as hell. However, according to this blogger, the Republicans in the Sunflower State still can't manage to stir up any heat.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

I've been a fan of "Heretical Ideas for a long time. The quote of the day is my favorite feature, Alex always seems to find the perfect saying to aptly sum up the prevailing mood.

"Danny Cox did a brave thing Friday night"

"Cox delivered a strident anti-war protest song to an unsuspecting audience in Olathe, Kansas, the most politically conservative corner of the Kansas City metropolis." I have no idea who Danny Cox is but he sounds like he's worth a listen.

Here's another post by the same blogger with a little more detail.

Lenexa cops crack down on Midnight Bike Ride

Busy today trying to make a dime and a nickel. Don't expect too many (any) links. However, it's strange to know that the suburban cops hate hippies on wheels nearly as much as I do. Clearly, dumbasses think alike.

Not to be outdone . . . Applebottoms

I did not know there was a guy in KC more obsessed with stripper ass than myself but I think the dude behind BJC Video might qualify. Anyway, check out this clip if you're not at work or if you need inspiration to go jogging.

Seriously, I'm all about fat bottom women but a few of these ladies REALLY need to cut back on the carbs/government cheese/McDonald's/whatever.

This video provides a great look at the "scenery" downtown but I wonder what the occasion was for all of these ladies gathered on Grand so early in the afternoon . . . Discounts on paternity testing?

Nasty Ass

Some nasty ass local strippers and skanks for your viewing pleasure on the weekend. This video from YouTube is entitled "Kansas City Booty" and I can only hope this vid isn't truly representative of local ass.

For God's sake do something with yourself

Here are some local links and lists of events that I'll be skipping this weekend:

Check out this week's local music links from The Event Driver.

The KC Kitty wants you to know about:

The Grab - "Cop the latest fashions"
Saturday, July 15th from 2:00 to 8:00 p.m.
Grinders Sculpture Garden
417 E. 18th Street
Kansas City, MO

Wine Tasting to benefit SafeHome

Now this list Local Mid-July events is a really nice gift brought to you by www.presentmagazine.com

July 14, Friday, 5:30 PM
Bastille Day celebration featuring Alacartoona
Le Fou Frog
400 East 5th Street
816.474.6060
www.alacartoona.com

July 15, Saturday, 10:30 PM
Chad Rex New tunes from upcoming CD Gravity Works - Fire Burns
Prospero's Bookstore
1800 West 39th
816.531.WORD
www.prosperosbookstore.com

July 15, Saturday, 2-8 PM
The Grab Outdoor Fashion Market
A WearHaus Event featuring over 30 designers and artists, DJs, and live bands.
Grinders Sculpture Garden
417 E. 18th Street
www.kc.wearhaus.org

July 15, Saturday, 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM,
Kansas City Christmas in July Expo benefiting Abby's Run for the Heart
Mid-America Nazarene University - Land Gym, Olathe

July 15, Saturday, 8 PM
The Down Trunks & The Western Front
Mike's Tavern
5424 Troost
816.444.3399
www.mikestavernkc.com

July 15, Saturday, 8 PM
Large and In Charge: Gina Kaufmann presents storytellers Shaun Hamontree, Rita Brinkerhoff, and Heather Cave.
The Brick
1727 McGee
816.421.1634
www.thebrickkcmo.com

July 16, Sunday, 5 PM
Blue Sundays
Kansas City Blues Society and the City Market bring you the best of local, regional, and national blues entertainment. Free. Tickets are available for barbecue and drinks at Winslow's City Market Barbecue.
City Market
5th Street and Walnut
816.842.1271
www.kc-citymarket.com:

Oh yeah and I know it's Bastille Day even though I don't know what it means. But I'm tired of making surrender references so here's a French maid outfit that nobody you know will ever look this good in:

Free Charter School in KC

Learn quick kids, you get what you pay for.

Only White People Deserve convenience

Well, this town's politicos have inconvenienced me once again. Rising gas prices and that fact that brown people and poor whites don't like to pay for anything has given rise to a new (pain in the ass) law that says we must all pre-pay in Kansas City.

On Thursday, the Kansas City Council approved an ordinance that requires gas stations to make their customers prepay or be pre-approved before pumping the fuel. Such an ordinance places Kansas City among the largest municipalities in the country to require prepaying at its gas stations, said Jeff Lenard, spokesman for the National Association of Convenience Stores.

What this basically means is that I'll always do my best to never buy gas within the city limits again. Because I'm a Latino (and mean and dumb looking - same thing, I know), I'm accustomed to being treated like a criminal but sadly I have to admit that there are few decent places to get gas in this city.

Just like grocery stores, JoCo has all the nice gas stations that just make every other place seem low rent and many of them still don't require pre-pay during normal business hours. Seriously, last time I checked the average gas station in JoCo not only offered fast food but also a chance to buy concert tickets, groceries (read: 9 dollar bread), drink gourmet coffee and possibly get a better rate on your home mortgage. Whereas KC gas stations are only good for finding the nearest meth dealer. Also, the nicer Northland gas stations have mainly fallen victim to this crime which may be another sign that suburban living/commuting is simply too costly for most people.

Soooooo, once again the local government has shown how little they know about commerce and done its best to waste my time. Yeah, I'm sifting through my garbage like a homeless person because Mayor Kay cares about the planet and now the gas station wants a blood sample before I can fill up . . . Welcome to Kansas City.

Missouri Can't Find Doctor to Assist With Executions

A doctor's rep writes: "Patients could lose trust in their doctors if they see them as executioners." Obviously this is a sentiment from someone who has never had to go without health insurance.

Get a kick out of you

Watching this video of a porn store clerk get a boot to the head is one of the most painful things I've ever seen in my life.

I've purchased a lot of porn and there is always a tenuous relationship between customer and clerk but it should never end like this . . . I've found it's better to make friends in order to get tips about when your favorites go on special. By doing this I once was able to purchase Girls Gone Wild for only 5 bucks . . . Yeah, I still felt cheated. However, I did get to hear an awesome description of what it's like to be shot from a white guy who had mastery over enough adjectives to provide an accurate description that did not include the terms "dawg" or "essay." Apparently, it burns.

Anyway, from the looks of the video it seem that the incident involves a white guy using a high kick to shoe a tiny Asian woman in the head. Sad really, not only because it nearly shattered the woman's face but also because it shattered all my fantasies that Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon shit could happen in real life. Turns out Asian woman can't beat the crap out of anyone they please and then fly off into the night like Peter Pan. Nope, they are just as vulnerable and helpless as anybody working a convenience store job.

McCaskill to Deliver Democratic Response to Bush Radio Address

All you'll hear is "wonk, wonk, wonk . . ." Like an uglier version of Charlie Brown's teacher. I know, they never showed a head shot of the woman but you could tell she didn't have cankles.

2,000 scholarships to the University of Missouri are going unclaimed for the coming school year.

Working class white kids just might stop complaining long enough to wonder WTF? and then quickly resume their resentment of all the mud people who make their lives miserable.

Wedding Dresses Found Ditched on Eudora Roadside

Good to hear that the women of Eudora are finally smartening up.

Jackson County Hires 3 To Check Sex Offender List

I guess it's a decent effort to protect public safety but this kind of effort ignores the fact that most molesters aren't strangers lurking in your neighborhood but family and close friends.

Tall Israeli Trouble Keeps the heat off of local Latinos

Now that the Middle-East is teetering on the brink of war and the lamb is about to open some kind of seal or whatever . . . There is less pressure to boot the Mexicans out of the country . . . Seeing as, like cockroaches, they'll be the only thing left after a nuclear war and the American media watching public is getting a look at what real border chaos looks like. Anyway, while I don't really like local Arabs or Israelis this report does a good job of detailing what's going on with a local family during the conflict and it provides more information than simply trying to gauge the mood of your Tall Israeli doctor/employer/owner.

"No, no. Flunk you"

Shawnee Mission kids can't bring guns to school for show and tell. Not like any kid who wanted to do so would ask for a permission slip. Legislators already exempted schools from the concealed carry laws but new signs (!!!) are expected to grant everyone the illusion of safety.

Lightning Crashes

I shit you not, the local news did a story on lightning.

Baby Love

Amazing post from JDoubleP about a bun that's nearly out of the oven. It's sweet because the only experience I have with this is watching guys on Maury Povich hoping and crossing their fingers that it's not theirs. For a much sweeter take on the subject check out his post.

Local bloggers know where you live

This blogger claims that a 6th district representative lives in the 4th district. See for yourself and then look over your shoulder as bloggers thankfully (or not) get into your business.

Delay Granted In Montgomery Trial

I guess they wouldn't want to deliver a verdict prematurely against a woman accused of killing an expectant Missouri mother and cutting the baby from her womb.

CROSS-X Review

This book looks like it might be the best thing written about KC in a long time. Whitney Terrell is a punk.

Boulevard Brewing Co. offends Black People in Kansas City

OR . . . The Black Middle Class Doesn't Care About Anybody But Themselves

Here's a hint for Lewis Diuguid, if a nursery rhyme is the most flagrant instance of racism you can find in the course of your everyday life then your struggle is officially over.

I'll sum this up quickly because Jerry Agar was all over it yesterday with his usual red faced, angry white man routine.

Boulevard Beer used the "eenie, meenie, minie, moe" rhyme in one of its billboards and Diuguid dropped a column that inspired the company to take down the offending billboard on the same day.

I often wonder why I never get any advertisers on this site and now I realize that they're all pretty much cowards.

Anyway, the rhyme is nothing new to people who follow racial politics. It has a long history that I won't bore you with but I will note that it involves lawsuits and a lot of insipid commentary and columns like the one The Star published yesterday.

Here's the quote and the wikipedia entry:

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
Catch a nigger by his toe
If he hollers make him pay,
Fifty dollars every day

Anyway, the fact that this merited hundreds of words by Diuguid is a pretty good indication of how far and wide the guy searches to examine every instance of supposed racism in the metro area.

Yet rarely, if ever, has racism against any other group found its way into his column.

There are so many different groups of people experiencing racism and discrimination but you won't read anything about their struggle from Diuguid. He won't mention the many Arabs unjustly getting disappeared to Guantanamo Bay, the model minority Asians who can't get into medical school, the fact that School Board President David Smith doesn't like hiring white people and most of all Diuguid (and The Star) are good for nothing as far as local Latinos are concerned.
For months now, quite a few local Latino leaders have been doing everything they can to get the attention of the local media regarding their opposition to Darla Jaye's "Spanish Word of the Day" . . . Nobody would listen. So far I'm the only person who has written anything regarding the topic.

Furthermore, Diuguid has remained silent as Latinos who are citizens of this country face the prospect of being racially profiled in the name of border security.

Now, I understand that people need to fight their own battles . . . Yet, the greatest example of racism that Diuguid can dig up is the great injustice of bad advertising?

The Boulevard Beer non-issue is nothing more than a cocktail party controversy and it's emblematic of the backward and reactionary social commentary that emanates from the Black middle class which is personified by nitwits like Bill Cosby and Chris Rock. It's also worth noting that supporters of the Black Middle Class ideology aren't exactly big fans of Mexicans so it's not like I'll be losing any friends over this . . .

Thing is, I just can't see how a corporate columnist making six figures has the right to complain about having his feelings hurt. Seriously, I'm asking a question here and if somebody knows the answer, please enlighten me.

Of course racism exists in this town, it's the reason why few minorities are benefiting from downtown's redevelopment or the reason why nobody does anything substantial (read: not political) when it comes to curbing the Eastside killing fields every summer. Instead, Diuguid provides a lecture on ancient history and the proper protocol for public displays . . . Apparently, we all need to check what signs might offend him before we proceed. This is the same problem I have with Mary Sanchez or with Rage Against the Machine . . . At some point, your success leaves you nothing left to bitch about . . . See Jay-Z and his Cristal Controversy.

Thankfully, I'm not there yet but I can only dream of a life as a writer where only children's rhymes trouble my mind.

"lofty Kansas City Council chambers"

I've never read our local leaders described more accurately . . . If by "lofty" they meant "ho magnet hideout for guys who will stuck in middle management their entire lives and they many dumb skanks who are looking for somebody to take care of them."

Students get glimpse of FBI

Here I thought were making advances in the war on terror and hassling Arab students for a change rather than Mexican ones. Nope, it's just a PR story that would have made J. Edgar Hoover smile almost as much as one of his man servants.