What does KC think of the Promise Keepers?

There is a great thread over at KC Forum that provides a look at local opinion regarding the organization. Lots of strong viewpoints from all sides and worth a read if your interested. The group is coming to Kemper in August so I'm sure that some broad is soon to make a stink in the local media or you'll soon be inundated with all of the typical coverage of these guys.

Here's hoping the heat will kill you before a bullet gets the chance

Also, here are places where poor people will be congregating in order to avoid being fried worse than the mystery meat in a Po'boy.

Pack it in

ConAgra wil sell its refrigerated meat business, including a plant in Kansas City, Kan., to Smithfield Foods Inc., owner of Kansas City-based Farmland Foods, for $575 million in cash and stock. This story is interesting to the few of you who realize that food doesn't come from the back of the grocery store.

Truck Driving Man

I'm not sure if you know this but craigslist is where you should go to find comedy gold or to lose your faith in humanity. I know people complain a lot about the prospect of Mexican truck drivers making a mess of the highways but if people knew anything about American truckers they would shudder.

Anyway, as always if you don't have a lot of self-control I wouldn't advise you to look at craigslist considering it's probably the best way on the Internet to get an STD but if you simply like mocking others then it's all good.

This recent ad from a trucker in town for the weekend is a pretty frightening look of the people with whom you're sharing the road. There is even a filthy illustration in case you aren't sure exactly what he's getting at when he writes: "I would like to f*ck your wife in the sleeper of my big truck"

And then there is the masterful personal description which should let you know you're in for one Hell of a ride: "I am 52, 6'0", 195, and well equipped. I smoke cigarettes, but I do not drink or use drugs. I also do not use rubbers."

One last thing: Please do your best to avoid "trucker bombs" and if all of this doesn't lead you to believe that the Red Bridge Road project is a bad idea, then you're probably Chuck Eddy who is looking to do to nearby Red Bridge residents what the trucker in this ad wants to do to your wife.

DUI checkpoints are really stops to see if you have warrants

Far be it from me to defend anyone who has run afoul of the law (read: minorities) but the pious claim that DUI checkpoints are keeping KC's streets safe from drunk drivers is nothing but good public relations.

Instead, you should see DUI checkpoints for what they really are: Random stops to make sure you haven't missed court, jumped bail, have expired tags or missed a child support payment. This is evidenced by the fact that during DUI checkpoints this weekend police arrested 9 drunk drivers and 22 for "other" traffic charges. Let's not even get into the fact that this set up checkpoint was arranged on Independence Ave. and not Ward Parkway - where a stop earlier this year lead to crash and the death of a teenager.

Anyway, the point is that you shouldn't consider DUI checkpoints to be the work of stay-at-home moms (morons) who just want to make sure little Johnny makes it home safely after finger banging Mary-Jane Rotten Crotch. Those housewives were simply used in order provide law enforcement a more effective method to oppress poor people and minorities do their job. Essentially, I don't have a problem with that but I'd just like to stop pretending these stops are the white hat public service efforts they claim to be when they're really more akin to an intrusive police force making sure all of your papers are in order . . . No wonder so many of these checkpoints around the nation want K-9's on patrol with them. There's nothing like barking, imposing German Shepard waiting to get its fangs into you to make you feel safe.

Enjoying the "significant drop" in homicides this year

The KC Channel reports that a woman's body was found in an SUV near 72nd Street and Prospect Avenue Monday morning. And if finding dead bodies around crappy sections of the inner city isn't enough fun for your summer vacation, I guess you might try playing games with crime stats like this town's cheerleaders.

"The Bush Administration has turned hope into a culture of fear."

A heartfelt post that makes a ton of good points from this Missouri blogger.

Lesser Evils and a losing race

VS.

So, obviously the two dozen people voting in the upcoming election are getting really excited about the race for County Executive. If you really like to laugh, you might want to go over and check out The Star's KC Buzz Blog. It's a good read and what's really hilarious is that campaign workers from both the Sanders and Wheeler Side have chosen the place as their stomping ground. There are a ton of impassioned comments on an issue that so few people care about in this town.

Think I'm lying? Then check out this pleading editorial from Channel 9 News that's pretty much begging people to get out and vote.

And I don't think that it's constant crotchety comments from Wheeler or Sanders' negative campaigning that has turned people off, there just isn't much to get inspired about in this election and few people know exactly what County government does for KC other than spend/waste a ton of money, occasionally engage in some fistfights and embarrass the Hell out of anyone who would support either one of these candidates.

Don't Believe Beacon Hill PR from The Star

This article is about minority home ownership and urban renewal would be wonderful it was true but it's not. It's a nice story about a lady buying a cheap house in the 'hood. And I only want to ask one question: If Beacon Hill is so nice, then why do so many Star staffers live in JoCo?

If you were looking for a highly politicized article trying to put a happy face on a recent housing scandal then by all means believe everything you read but the missive shouldn't be taken seriously for anyone who actually wants information about the local real estate market.

Amnesty for Pit bulls not Mexicans

There is a a two week amnesty period for pit bull owners to surrender their dogs without penalty in KCK. Unfortunately, KCK politicos will soon find discover that dangerous owners and not any particular breed of dog will keep animal attacks at a relatively constant rate.

But we shouldn't let facts get in the way of a popular political gesture backed up by a media inspired frenzy. Just like illegal immigration, the war on drugs, sex predators, myspace hookups, the population bomb and other TV watching hysteria . . . I guess the only rational thing to do is act quickly so that the media can move along to something other story with frightening video footage that will scare people into making quick, ineffective gestures that rarely contribute to anything worthwhile.

Facing Death is not as fun when Death is actually a possibility

A nearby skydiving plane crash that claimed the life of a local man should remind us all that driving next to some clueless broad putting on her make-up, talking on her cell phone and driving 75 miles an hour is so dangerous that you don't really need any other thrill seeking activities when you're really paying attention to what's going on around you.

Apparently, God likes cancer as much as he hates human cloning

Fox 4 News reports: Missouri's Roman Catholic dioceses, the Southern Baptists, the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod and the Assemblies of God all oppose a proposal to protect stem-cell research, which they say would allow human cloning. In other news, all of your back pain is caused by the fact you masturbate and make Jesus cry. AND open heart surgery is just for people who don't pray enough.

20 years of Community Service in KC

There is a nice article about Youth Volunteer Corps of America in today's Star. The group works to promote to very important causes: Encouraging youth voluntarism and alleviating white guilt.

Charter School: The secrecy ballot

There are a number of proposed changes in order to modernize the city's 1925 charter. However, since only about two dozen people normally vote in the upcoming election, you can't blame people for being a little suspicious.

Mark Forsythe has a great post that examines the issue in detail.

I'm not one to pour over silly details . . . Or facts . . . But I'm almost certain that somehow the ballot language is written in such a way that voting yes on almost anything will somehow transfer all of the rights to your soul over to Country Club Kay and therefore Steve Glorioso and local real estate developers, so read all of the questions carefully, pretend you understand them and then recall a simpler time in Kansas City (like 11 years ago) when the Mafia did all your voting for you. Note: I can only hope that someday soon Diebold will have a function that will tell you exactly how to vote or simply do it for you.

What this town really needs is another diploma mill

Grantham University, specializing in educating working adults, is the latest Hurricane Katrina victim to call KC home. That's not a bad thing I guess, at least when compared to all of the other NOLA refugees who have increased the number of all kinds of social ills in this town (it's true, do your own homework. Check child abuse, domestic violence, etc.) . . . However, I still think most higher education qualifies as highway robbery.

"They make Kansas City look like a trashy whore, and they make me sick."

All signs point to corporate greed cluttering this town with advertisements. A great post from this local blogger on how one day every street in this city will look as ugly as Wornall.

Blunt Administration Broke the Law

They admit it and now I wonder how anybody could justify voting for the guy. Seems like if Roy's Baby Boy isn't trying to overcompensate and bully the State Highway Patrol then he's cutting your benefits (i.e. trying to kill all the poor people) while flying the confederate flag. Also, the dude has the worst smile in Show-Me State politics and that's saying something when you consider all of the ugly mugs in Missouri politics.

You have the right to be shot

Whatever you do, you probably shouldn't fight with your girlfriend (or some ho) in public on the Eastside because apparently it's a shootable offense.

A KCMO police officer is off the job Saturday after shooting a man. Police say two officers saw a woman and a man fighting near 83rd Terrace and Troost Avenue Friday just after 11 p.m. The man began to run when the officers stopped to investigate. One officer followed.

The officer says the man stopped behind a building, reached into his pocket and pointed what appeared to be a gun at the officer. The officer opened fire, hitting the man.

Yeah, you have to take into account that the guy was running from the officers as well but given the fact that they're pretty quick to shoot an unarmed person East of Troost (read: probably Black) it's not exactly like you can blame the guy for being a little apprehensive about an interaction with local law enforcement.

My solution: Avoiding confrontations with women and the police by pretending not to care when both try to control your every move with oppressive behavior.

Hard to Swallow

So the guy who allegedly stuffed a phone down the throat of his girlfriend will probably get to walk after a mistrial was declared. It seems that if a phone stuffed halfway down a broad's throat wasn't enough to convict the guy then there probably isn't much anyone can do . . . Other than advising everyone to stay out of an interracial relationship.

But life goes on and hopefully we're all a lot smarter for witnessing how one arguement can easily get out of control. Now, I'm only hoping that some of the incriminating evidence I've left behind never comes back to haunt me . . . Stuff like:

• A bowl of Jello and Vasoline intensive care at my bedside . . . My skin was dry and I was hungry.
• A gun, a ski mask and three women's purses in my trunk . . . I was at the target range and it suddenly it got very cold and my sister and her friends needed a lift.
• A used condom on my bed along with two pairs of slutty underwear . . . The Victoria Secret models came by unexpectedly and their pillow fight quickly escalated into a water balloon throwing contest.
  

Anyway, no matter what the circumstances, it's always wise to keep your mouth shut and your lawyer on speed dial.

Who, me take responsibility?

There is no reason to cast blame in a recent shooting that led to the deaths of two young men. The promoters are emphatically claiming that it isn't their fault.

And who could blame them? All they did was to stage a that didn't provide enough security, didn't make sure they had the right paper work for the venue and didn't have a plan when every thug wannabe in the area drove by and wanted to start trouble. Surely, these promoters are completely blameless and it's guns, or maybe the trigger men or whitey or illegal immigrants or video games that should be held accountable for the worst shooting of the summer . . . So far.

Bussed to move

This local blogger reports that high gas prices and overall poverty in general have finally led more people in KC to the bus stop. Overall, I think this is good news and what's even better is that new riders are finding that the Metro/MAX isn't as bad as they previously thought. In the end, this is a win/win situation for everyone because people get to save money and travel in a surprisingly pleasant form of transportation and I get to enjoy fewer douche bags on the road as I speed through the city, wasting fossil fuels for a trip I could have easily walked to that probably involves buying more aerosol cans filled with something toxic and then spraying them into the air for no reason whatsoever.

The Barbie Babes of Kansas City

This is one of the best blogger posts I've read in a long time. It contains a great analysis of local ladies and what they may or may not have in common with Barbie . . . Other than a lot of plastic. A must read if you want to know anything about what influences the psyche of so many psycho bitches in the area.

Blogger Backtalk: Lazy Saturday

These local bloggers have shown much more ambition than I have over the weekend. Check them out:

• Check out the clean design and clever commentary of this new blog.


• This anarchist asks: "What's the Matter With Kansas?" as the upcoming elections don't make for much excitement . . . Even for people who believe in the system.


• This local blogger takes whiff of a hookah and surprisingly isn't grossed out. Note: Strange that nearly all kinds of "hookah's" will leave you with a bad cough if you partake too often.

Town Topics: Hot in here

KC heat is killer

KC Council OKs $1.3M contract for bad art at The Sprint Center

Police Arrest Man After Woman Dies Following Pit Bull Attack

The Next Big Thing

This Dallas Penn video is much more interesting than Super Size Me. Take a look and tell your friends. The audience for this vid is expanding faster than your fast food eating ass. Seriously, the video is awesome, educational and one of the few ways you'll ever get over on McDonald's.

Touching Touch Up

I'm continually surprised that so many of you read what I have to type but I was recently gratified to see that some guy took the time and trouble to send me some bad photoshop in an effort to shut me up. It won't work but I appreciate the thought. Here's a slightly more colorful version of the Power & Light plans:



Also, I don't know if this is racist (I doubt it. Thankfully I don't see OJ . . . MJ. . . Charo) or just poorly executed but the e-mail was nice enough so I'll just post it because it still makes me feel a little better than what the Cordish Company came up with. In any event, thanks to whoever sent this my way.

Hipster Hangout Hates Blacks

According to a recent report by KSHB news, Kansas City downtown hipster club NV won't let Black people in the door.

In classic TV news style, two separate teams were sent to gain entry into the club and you can pretty much guess that the group of Black people didn't make it past security due to "dress code violations."

Because it's of the utmost importance that people of all colors should be allowed to drink, attain causal sex hook ups, pose and dance to the latest P. Diddy comeback effort . . . Kansas City Councilmen John Fairfield and Alvin Brooks are on the case.

If you feel like you were unjustly prevented from getting your groove on, you should contact the City's Human Relations Department.

However, this may be a blessing in disguise. If white people aren't allowed to come into contact with Black people than that means it's that much harder for them to steal African-American culture and profit from it. Additionally, this whole situation reminds me of the racist Italian guy who wouldn't let Latinos in Philly buy any of his artery clogging fare if they didn't speak English . . . In the end he might have been doing them a favor. Still, I think it's important to stand up for social justice and equality on all fronts . . . Or at least that's what I tell the white women I'm trying to screw.

So, you can continue to shake your booty at NV but you won't be able to do it with a clear conscience. However, considering that de facto Iraqi civil war, blood diamonds, Walmart savings brought to you by child labor, genocide of the Native Americans, eminent domain and the tyranny of Oprah Winfrey haven't weighed on the American conscience enough for any change to occur. . . I doubt anyone will care about this issue when Friday Night rolls around.

Jenee is pirating the Nightranger

So here I was all excited that a recent column written by Jenee Osterheldt contained the word "booty." Sadly, there was no mention of her firm, voluptuous, trendy ass. Instead there is some lame write up about yet another local club for aging hipsters. Don't get me wrong, I love Martini Row about as much as any other alcoholic but the fact that a few entrepreneurs want to make some cash by pushing the last legal drug doesn't strike me as news worthy. Still, what I noticed was that Jenee bites nearly every bit of the Nightranger's style in this latest offering. Only, like most things the copy is never as good as the original (see: Kanye West vs. MC Hammer). I'd like to help this hoop earring wearing honey but I'm afraid that she'll just have to figure it out for herself. However, she could start with the fact that members of the Fox4 news team do not merit the term "celebrities" whether we're talking local or in any other sense of the word.

So they are lining up to take JoCo tax money today

You can listen to it live here.

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO UNCLE JACK!

Last night I had the best seats to a Royals game I've ever had in my life. It was a pleasure to watch them lose.

As much as I complain about white people on this blog, I have to say that my Uncle Jack is all around one of the greatest guys I know.

And while I railed against the Stadium Tax and I have nothing but ridicule for our perennially pitiful team, I have to say that there is nothing like being so close to the field that you can smell the steroids. Additionally, I didn't know this but Angel Berroa doesn't have too many fans around these parts.

Anyway, it was a great night and there might be some photos forthcoming. Thank you Uncle Jack for the awesome seats and someday I hope I can return the favor with tickets to something more classy than a Donkey Show.

In case you care about any other kind of real estate besides condos

Living conditions for local who can't afford luxury living space is getting worse. On the bright side, the working class is getting priced out of this town so quickly by rising property taxes that soon they won't be this town's problem anymore.

The white women of Johnson County are crazy

Here's more proof that you don't want to mess with a white woman from my favorite suburb on a bad day.

• Not only are they gully enough to slam dunk a toddler.


• But they will lend themselves money in order to beat another broad with whom they're competing.

Yeah, they are beautiful to look at but beyond all reason or reliability . . . If JoCo white women didn't have tons of cash, believe nearly everything you told them, have asses that taste like vanilla ice cream and hate their fathers enough to date almost any minority with a modicum of game . . . Then I would have nothing to do with them.

Blasted by your boy

Just to prove there is no love for Matt Blunt in Missouri, his former roommate (No homo?) has recently railed against the Governor's polices.

Missouri Rep. Mark Wright roomed with Blunt when the two were freshmen legislators but now he's on the warpath because it's election time.

Personally, I think most people have made up their mind about Roy Blunt's boy one way or another by now. The only question is if the morons people in the middle of the state will put him back in office given that their situation hasn't improved much during his tenure and their sister isn't getting any prettier or enthusiastic about late night misunderstandings.

The only thing really relevant about this story is that it demonstrates that grown men don't really have friends. Similarly, it always amazes me why women pretend to engage in friendships that are every bit as fake as the cleavage created by their expensive push up bras . . . But then I just remember that women are deceitful by nature.

Bear in mind

You've got to hand it to the gheys (No homo). They've hijacked Barbara Streisand, rainbows, a good portion of the Internet and the international AIDS pandemic and now even bears (woodland predators as opposed to urban ones) have a fruity/filthy connotation.

Jen Chen's recent article about local ghey clubs catering to husky dudes with facial hair (shudder - that pretty much describes me in an alternate universe) goes into great detail about the local ghey club scene . . . Other than "young" country bars. In fact, the article was so good I checked to see if I was wearing a condom and then nearly called up my parents and told them that they never loved me.

It's no secret that gheys know how to party but this informative essay really puts things into perspective without using statistical information from the CDC. For my part, I think most clubs are ghey but it's good to see that even when it comes to boozing it up this city is separated and segregated along lines of sexual preference as well as race. Also, this article only proves to validate my assertion that most bars are depressing no matter how gay (ghey) they seem.

Dog Days of Summer in Kansas City

So last year Eastside violence made for some interesting reporting that nobody really cared about or acted on . . . This year all of the local dogs seem to have gone crazy. Yesterday, a 71-year-old woman was killed buy a local mutt in her yard. Of course the media was quick to report that it was a pit bull but now it seems that the dog may have been another breed; it's nice to see that local TV reporters don't confine their stereotypes to one species.

Clearly, "DOG ATTACKS" are the latest media frenzy crisis that this town is facing. I only wonder what kind of response this whole thing will elicit from our local leaders. Typically, local liberals might call for more welfare that (I guess) will take the form of doggie treats doled out to any canine who barks loud enough. On the other hand, conservatives (as always) will lobby for more incarceration and the death penalty only to be bitten in the ass when somebody rightfully points out that dogs are far more color blind than the Republican Party. I don't know if there is a compromise in KC's doggie dilemma but I'm already suspecting that there is soon to be a measure to deport all unregistered Chihuahuas.

Crimes you probably can't get away with in Kansas City

Because my mom was always trying to save the world, when I was a kid I often got stuck in workshops, camps and youth groups with the scum of the earth. While she saw the need to save these people, the side effect was that I had to hang around them, admire their misspelled tattoos, wince at stories of prison rape and snicker when they tried to read aloud. It was there that I learned a fundamental truth: Crooks are stupid. This fact was confirmed when I later dated an Italian broad and had to endure her friends and family who were "friends of ours" but often referred to me as a wetback when I wasn't around; so I never considered them that friendly.

Anyway, my two favorite crimes have made the news as of late and I'm always surprised to see that local dumbasses think they can steal an ATM and get away with it or drop bricks over an overpass without somebody eventually discovering them. Stereotypically or typically (whatever your point of view) these crimes are often (almost always) committed by white guys and unsupervised Black kids respectively and they are rarely successful over the long run. And while I know that crime pays, I've also known that you have to have some a certain level of intelligence to make it do so. So the fact that so many dumbasses are out there to "Get rich or die tryin'" doesn't really upset me given that every strata of our social order is ruled by competition. While some may struggle to make a dime and a nickel selling illicit substances to the terminally bored, others find a niche market and cater to a nation of people with an unhealthy dependence.

A few suggestions for this weekend

All right already, we know that the Fringe Festival is the place to be in Kansas City this weekend if you want to see some really bad tattoos and women who are desperately trying to pretend that they don't care if they're fat. Note: Strangely dyed hair and trendy glasses won't hide 45 pounds.

But let's pretend that you don't want to spend the entire weekend hanging around recreational drug users.

The Event Driver has a list of suggestions he'd like to offer. Check out his site for more info on the following acts:

Beach Ball 2 at Verizon...
Rockabilly Luau ay Knuckleheads...
Y'allapalooza at Verizon...
Also
Links to Blues and Jazz Festival, O'Dowd's, 75th Street Brewery, Barley's, Blue Moose, Jardine's, Zona Rosa Concerts, Davey's Uptown, Valentine, Andy Masters,Baby Lee, Sean McNown, Mark Montgomery, Dave McQuitty's Art, Kevin Jacks, Mickey Finn Band, Mighty Mo Box Band, Dave Ford Project, KC All Stars, EKC Online, Discovery Publications, and more... at The Event Driver.

Also Present Magazine keeps on showering me with awesome links that I'm much too lazy too look up for myself. Some of them even sound fun.

Here are the highlights from their weekend entertainment e-mail:

July 28, Friday - September 1, Friday
July 30, Sunday Festival
Talley and Son
The Kansas City Actors Theatre performs the third play in the Talley trilogy. It takes place at the home of the wealthy Talley's, a fictitious southern Missouri family during World War II. Missouri-born playwright Lanford Wilson writes about a family struggling with bigotry, the death of a beloved son in he war and the probable dissolution of the family business. The complete trilogy performed on Festival Day. Check out the web site for a complete listing of performance times.
Union Station
H&R Block City Stage
30 West Pershing Road
816.235.6222
www.kcactors.org

July 28, Friday 5-9 PM
Anne Garney
Opening art reception featuring vibrant landscape paintings.
The Ten Cup
651 East 59th Street
816.841.4357
www.thetencup.com
www.annegarneypaintings.com

July 29, Saturday
The Golden Republic
Mike's Tavern
5424 Troost
816.444.3399
www.mikestavernkc.com

July 29, Saturday
The New Tragedies & The Paper Hearts
The Brick
1727 McGee
816.421.1634
www.thebrickkcmo.com

Finally, I guess hipsters are obsessed with Dolly Parton again but they might not realize that there is absolutely nothing ironic about huge breasts. Word to Dolly.



The Dolly Stampede and Wig Rodeo
A musical tribute to Dolly Parton and Wig Rodeo featuring Late Night Theatre, Alacartoona, The Rather Nots, Barclay Martin, Amy Farrand, Cody Wyoming, Rah Booty and surprise D-cup sized guests.
recordBar
1020 Westport Road
816.753.5207
www.therecordbar.com

July 28, Friday - September 2, Saturday, 8 PM
Come Back to the 9 to 5 Dolly Parton Dolly Parton
Late Night Theatre presents this homage to the beleaguered office trio (Judy Bernly, Violet Newstead and Doralee Rhodes) who turn their office upside down in a corporate take-over against their sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot boss in David Wayne Reed's tribute to the 1980 lib classic, 9 to 5. Starring Gary Campbell, Ron Megee, David Wayne Reed.
Late Night Theatre
1531 Grand Boulevard
816.235.6222

"Sometimes a rainbow flag is just a rainbow flag"

Take this post however you want it, but I think it's an insightful statement about intentionality and people (like me) who get way too upset over items that might be innocuous.

Presenting Kansas City's Latest Pipe Dream

Here's an alternate headline I thought you might enjoy as well:

Oh, glorious day . . . This is what Downtown would look like with almost no minorities!



It's worth mentioning twice . . . This vision of the city literally includes no people of color. Seriously, it looks like it's only little white drawings walking around down there . . . Except maybe for that one guy in the corner who may or may not be George Hamilton . . . It's a HUGE departure from what a Downtown street looks like today where most of the people on the ground are minorities going to and from their shitty jobs.





$800 million so you can watch the latest Adam Sandler movie. That makes sense. Certainly, a wise investment and far more important than . . . oh . . . let's say . . . sewers.



I know that most architects and artists are ghey but the depiction of the old KCP&L tower as a huge phallus in the sky is just downright blatant. No homo.



Again, I see economy cars and shopping but no people of color. It's actually worse than Star Wars or Seinfeld or a Woody Allen movie.



There are a hell of a lot of people on their cell phones in this version of the future. I imagine they're probably asking for directions home.



It's after sunset in downtown and people are still outside. This is better than a Rocky movie (white man winning the Heavyweight Championship) in terms of sheer fantasy.



Again with the ghey theme . . . This pink section seems to be hook up row where you meet the person who will give you syphilis in a convenient downtown location.



I have no idea what band is playing in the drawing below but there is a completely white audience rocking out. Awesome. It doesn't look like country music (no mullets) but if it's as lame as the rest of this mock up it's probably Coldplay.



Now this is just scary, this next pic totally looks like something out of Blade Runner. Strangely, that's appropriate because the replicants only have a 4 year life span and I figure that's about how long it will take before this whole plan turns sour and a random murder or shooting reveals that a slew of chain restaurants, a movie theater and a couple of walkways won't resurrect downtown. Additionally, it's sad that there are no images of security guards hassling unsupervised Black and Latino kids and escorting them out to the street just like they do on The Plaza and Crown Center. Yes, these are all pretty pictures but they aren't exactly a plan.

TKC would like to help hipsters pretend that they are unique

Here are some links related to The Fringe Festival. Many thanks to:

Present Magazine

Now onto more info about how you can continue to disappont your parents:

KC Fringe Festival Highlights

July 27, Thursday - July 30, Sunday
Please check out www.kcfringe.org for festival highlights, schedule changes, ratings, and additional listings.

Allswell Variety Show
July 27, Thursday, 8 PM
July 28, Friday, 6:30 PM
July 29, Saturday, 8 PM
Written by Carissa Shillito. Sketches, musical numbers and a special musical guest in a 100% original formula that makes you feel good. Energizes listless adults and soothes rambunctious children.
Arts Incubator
115 West 18th Street
www.artsincubatorkc.org

Barclay Martin Ensemble
July 29, Saturday, 6:30-8 PM
The Barclay Martin Ensemble is a quartet comprised of musicians whose influences range from singer/songwriter folk to Latin jazz. Known for their high-energy performances, the ensemble offers up a fresh and distinctive acoustic sound with fine musicianship.
Central Library, Kirk Hall
14 West 10th Street
www.barclaymartin.com

Cairo on the Kaw - Lights, Camera, Action
July 28, Friday, 9:30 PM
July 29, Saturday, 3:30 & 6:30 PM
A Middle Eastern dance created by Anne Singo-Hargis with company member contributions.
Just Off Broadway
3051 Central
hometown.aol.com/gaziyeh

Comedy with the Coterie's Updog's Special Friends
July 28, Friday, 8 PM
July 29, Saturday, 9:30 PM
July 30, Sunday, 3:30 PM
The Coterie Theatre's audacious teen comedy troupe, Updog's Special Friends, will present three original and outrageous comedies by the Coterie's Young Playwright's Roundtable including Conversation Piece, by Ruth Babb; A Wife's Tale, by Sheristen James; and Full Letter Jacket, by Justing Mohn.
1184 Oak
www.coterietheatre.org

Kacico Dance presents Sit, Stand, Walk, Speak, and Play
July 28, Friday, 9:30 PM
July 29, Saturday, 6:30 PM
July 30, Sunday, 2 PM
A continuous, diffusive dance performance combined with video, music, and set. Performance happens all around the audience and the audience is encouraged to move during the performance.
Arts Incubator
115 West 18th Street
www.kacicodance.org

Negro Scoe
July 29, Saturday, 11 PM
Originally from Southern California, Negro Scoe, aka Dante Evergalde, established the Hip Hop Addicts crew in 1994. Since relocating to Kansas City eight years ago, he has recorded and performed. In addition to being a founding member of The Cosigners, Scoe is also an instructor at the Hip Hop Academy where he teaches area youth the basics of poetry and emceeing at the Creative Minds Art Center
Pi Gallery
419 East 18th Street
www.danteeverglade.com
www.piartgallery.com

Fishing for Laughs
July 29, Saturday, 2 & 3:30 PM
The Bassmeister, by Curt Strutz, is a puppet show about a fun and entertaining guy who brings the excitement of fishing into the lives of both children and adults, even if they don't fish! Kids will learn fishing basics and get directly involved with demonstrations on stage. The show include a "Bass Beauty Pageant," stinky stink bait, and teaching children critical thinking related to lure selection and water safety.
Central Library, Helzberg Auditorium
14 West 10th Street
www.thebassmeister.com

Forrest Whitlow
July 28, Friday, 6:30 PM
"David Lynch meets Neil Young" in the introspective, country-tinged balladry of this Kentucky bred local songsmith. Explore the darker side of the human psyche with musical tales of lust, murder, and despair.
Central Library, Kirk Hall
14 West 10th Street
www.forrestwhitlow.com

Missouri Valley Folklife Society Presents: Music & More
July 28, Friday, 8 PM
July 29, Saturday, 9:30 PM
July 30, Sunday, 3:30 PM
Multi-talented musicians Mike Dugger, Turlach Boylan, and Kelly Dougherty will showcase traditional Irish folk music.
Rimé Center
700 West Pennway
www.mvfs.org

[This next one actually sounds interesting to me]
How To Fake Clinical Depression
July 28, Friday, 8 PM
July 29, Saturday, 3:30 & 9:30 PM
July 30, Sunday, 3:30 PM
A comedy by Steven Marrocco. For the last three years, major pharmaceutical companies like Pfizer have been recruiting research subjects off of Craigslist Los Angeles to test new anti-depressants by offering them money in exchange for taking their drugs. See how a starved actor/bassist twisted the study to his own diabolical needs. Developed by Paul Stein, artistic director of the comedy Central Stage in Los Angeles, and directed by Shulie Cowen, an alum of Second City Chicago.
10 Main Center

DJ Mythic, Deep Thinkers, Symbol Heavy, and Negro Scoe
July 29, Saturday, 6 PM-Midnight
Musical performance by featured acts in the KC Fringe Festival.
Pi Gallery
419 East 18th Street
http://www.piartgallery.com

Higher Power
July 27, Thursday, 8 PM
July 28, Friday, 8 PM
July 29, Saturday, 5 PM
July 30, Sunday, 5 PM
Little Red Square presents a Sam Ryan drama directed by Chris Plante. Sex, drugs, rock & roll, and Catholicism collide in the lives of three Midwesterners as a last-ditch drug deal causes the undoing of family and friendships.
Just Off Broadway
3051 Central
www.littleredsquare.com

Once again, thank you Present Magazine.

Elvis impersonator makes me feel a little bit better about my life

The douche is slated to come to KC on Aug. 12 to perform two all-Elvis at John Knox Village Pavilion and suddenly my mom's basement doesn't really look too shabby.

Support Our Troops . . . Except this one

Crazy stalker soldier makes a weird local news story that you simply like to ignore, very much like the war in Iraq.

"The two remaining residents of Twin Oaks Apartments finally were evicted Tuesday"

You won't get college credit for following this story but you might learn an important lesson about real estate development and cruelty in KC. Read this passage and cringe:

UMKC officials released a statement Tuesday, saying the university "is complying with the necessary legal process for eviction of remaining residents in the Twin Oaks Apartments."

The university declined to comment further.

Fesenmeyer said the eviction has cost her a son, her home and her livelihood. Her son, Hans Fesenmeyer, 35, who lived across the hall from her, committed suicide June 27.

Fesenmeyer, 59, is living temporarily with a friend while her belongings sit in storage. Along with her apartment, she has had to abandon the beauty salon she owned on the first floor of the north tower.

Funny that UMKC's slogan is "get a life" since they seem to have destroyed so many in their quest for breathing room.