Man Charged in Alleged Hate Crime

Let's work on our definitions:

Whenever a white person attacks a Black person it's a hate crime.

When a Black person attacks a white person it's just crime.

When someone attacks a Latino it's called "securing our borders."

Violence against Arabs is considered "remaining vigilant."

And attacking an Asian person is simply called fun.

Additionally, check out the Nazi tats on this scumbag's mug shot. At some point while getting any tattoo, I'm sure there is an eight year old version of yourself saying "Damn, I didn't think we'd end up this way." However, it's best to ignore that voice, it'll never let you have sex with random strangers, flip burgers or engage in casual drug use.

Really Spooky

The Star blocked my free password that I use with this site. Bastards!

star@tkc.com

star69

No longer works.

Thanks to the person who e-mailed to let me know. Damn, white people are greedy motherfuckers, sneaky too. Think they can compete. They think one day of me relaxing means I'm done. I don't think so beatch. I'll soon be posting more so keep on reading. Damn the man, save the Empire! (Feel special? Usually, only scared white ladies get to hear stuff like this as I mutter something similar to myself while walking in the park.)

Police: Brothers Stab Each Other

Scary. This kind of thing would never happen to my brother and I. We are both pretty busy and shooting each other takes less time and it's cleaner.

Blue Moon

Normally, my mom has a horrible sense of humor but she sent me this link and damn if it isn't funny, yet still kind of hokey at the same time.

And I have no idea why, but I'm totally in the Halloween spirit. I didn't post much today because I'm preparing to spend the night bag-grabbing from white kids in JoCo. Yeah, I'm way too old for those kind of antics but I figure their parents are nothing but corporate, Wal-Mart shopping thieves so I might as well try and settle the score.

Capote KC Connection

Local blogger Heidi discovers that KC is/was as gay as Truman Capote.

Haunted house business getting frightfully hard

While financial hardships are nothing new for KC businesses, going broke is still a scary prospect.

But those in the business say haunted houses, a growth industry only five years ago, have reached their peak. Urban renewal in many of the nation’s bigger cities has cut off operators from cheap locations, safety regulations have driven up the cost of doing business and outfitting the haunted house with the latest animatronic zombies or computer controlled ghouls has become an expensive arms race few can keep up with. Haunts built into existing amusement parks also have put pressure on their unaffiliated brethren.

Blogger Exposé

If you watched Channel 4 News over the weekend, you may have noticed a local blogger on the airwaves. Gregg, who pens local blog Sirvinegar, was just one of many folks ripped off by a raffle promising one of the coveted Western Auto Lofts and a few other cool prizes. Much like downtown development, it never paid out. Gregg describes the apparent scam brilliantly in his post.

Well, faster than you can say "sexy ass reporter" Fox 4 News shows up and Gregg bravely gives them the scoop.

The lesson you should take from the story: Nearly everything with the words "Downtown" and "opportunity" is probably a scam AND ripping of a loud mouthed blogger is a bad idea.

Make Believe

Fall in Kansas City is beautiful. KC hosts one outdoor festival after another during this time of year. The various white bread themes coupled with the slight chill in the air guarantee that few Black people show up, so the events are usually well attended.

Speaking of Black people and celebration . . . Did you know that a lot of Black people hate Halloween? They aren’t the only ones. Evangelical Christians, Jehovah’s Witnesses and a few other undesirables also scorn the holiday. I’m a Chicano and I come from a death culture that revels in morbid icons and images, so this anti-Halloween perspective is always hard for me to understand. When I ask for explanations, I usually hear about the abhorrence of witchcraft and the paranormal. Reliably, somebody mentions the devil.

Maybe. If all of those little white kids begging for candy in their safe neighborhoods actually were worshiping the devil it wouldn’t surprise me. What I don’t like is people pretending to be anything other than what they really are . . . let me explain:

During the Halloween season, I’ve noticed so many young women dressing up like some version of a whore.

As Halloween approaches, take a look and you’ll see angel whores, devil whores, fairy princess whores, sexy waitress whores, a few nurse whores (which is ironic because if you mess with them you will need a shot of penicillin) and all kinds of sexy costumes that serve only as an excuse for young, ignorant broads to pretend that they aren’t, in fact, whores in real life.

I’ll tell you a quick story: I knew this guy who went to a Halloween costume party. He brings home a gorilla of a woman dressed in a Cinderella outfit. She was 250 pounds if she was an ounce. All night he searched for the wet spot and pounded her like a professional boxer working a heavy bag. It was disgusting. She was a screamer and even her voice sounded fat as she yelped through the night like she was asking for seconds.

Unlike Cinderella or a massage from an Asian woman, this story doesn’t have a happy ending. The “date” was over, the toilet was filled with used condoms and the sun was rising. As they get their shit together she says, “Are you gonna call me?” He replies, “Sorry Cinderella, it’s past midnight. I don’t think so.” She storms out the door leaving a trail of mascara and sparkly shit that women put in their hair when the get whored out. She also leaves her tiara behind. I know this story because a few weeks later and he gave the tiara to his cousin as a belated birthday gift for the guy’s daughter.

Maybe Black people are right about their distaste for the holiday. All of these sluts running around begging for everyone to look at them are actually much scarier than any Hitchcock movie. Additionally, a woman pretending to be a whore really isn’t pretending.

Best of my love

Thanks to everyone for reading this week. This is the best week of traffic for this site in months. Thank you for being able to take a joke and thanks for stopping by.

Have a fun and safe weekend.

Kansas City Music Weekend Show Picks

From the Event Driver and for all of you people who aren't under house arrest.

The Clash

There is a growing controversey that development (of goofy ass French provincial townhouses) will clash with the spartan design of the BMA tower. $8.2 million in precious tax credits hangs in the balance as the Missouri State Historic Preservation Office says they weren't even informed of that aspect of the project.

In the end, this small debate will probably be resovled with some kind of kickback or extra meeting. The current construction boom in KC has taught us all that if you have enough money, you can build anything in this town. If a construction company stroked the right politicians they could plant a condo in your mother's ass if they wanted to . . . Actually, that's not a bad idea. I've been there and it has a great view, it's cozy with a suprising amount of closet space.

They call it progress: A series of gaudy luxury townhomes will replace the site that KC once used for hot, illicit gay sex. Ironically, I'm sure the gaudy townhomes are sure to host just as many dicks.

Looky Liu

The Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art will soon host an exhibition of the work of Nikki S. Lee, a Korean born artist. This ultimately proves that not even the art loving crowd can resist a hot Asian chick.

Actually, I've always wondered about this phenomenon. Art aficionados and KC's upper class can kowtow to a beautiful Asian woman but people look at me like a scumbag when I go to see a movie or watch a stupid TV show based solely on the fact that Lucy Liu makes an appearance. Talk about a double standard. I've heard that art is based entirely on context. So the next time I rub one out while thinking of Lucy Liu, I'll be sure to wear a smoking jacket and a cravat to class things up a bit.

Kemper echoes worries about Kansas City's debt load

I think maybe an intervention is in order. We could get all of the big wigs and muckety-mucks to show up. The Kaufman people could come on over along with the Hall family and tell Mayor Kay that she has spent this town into oblivion, she's living beyond her means, her clothes are tacky and she can bend over for all of the real estate developers she wants but that doesn't mean they'll love her. Yes, an intervention is in order.

Police Investigate Fatal Shooting Outside Library Lofts

We have a killer real estate market in this town. People are just killing themselves to get in these lofts and condos.

Man Finds 56-Pound Mushroom in Missouri

What this story doesn't report is that he also found a gigantic copy of Pink Floyd's "The Wall" and a Twinkie the size of a school bus.

Dude, giants are total stoners.

In completely unrelated stoner news, this pic makes me laugh:

Police Arrest Mother in Murder

She's a bad mother . . . Shut your mouth . . . I'm just talking about the suspect.

Right on.



I'm not ashamed to admit it. Right now, I'm listening to the theme from Shaft.

Update: According to The Star, the dispute was over a parking space.

Gunmen fired up to 50 rounds at a car last weekend, hitting two passengers and killing a third, allegedly because of a heated parking dispute.

Wait, it gets even more ridonkulous:

An argument broke out and the women did not budge, prompting Scott to toss a hot-sauce bottle at the Camry, shattering a window.

Scott and his friends then left but soon realized Scott had lost his cell phone, so they returned.

A woman, later identified as Hogan, ran to two men and pointed out Scott and his car. The two men approached. One reached into his pants.

“Get down! He’s going to shoot!” Scott and another man in the car yelled.

Scott pushed a woman in the back seat to the floorboard. At least 17 rounds of gunfire hit the Taurus as it sped off.

That’s right, a parking dispute, hot sauce and flurry of bullets. That sounds like a great recipe for a good time. Seriously, I can’t think of anything more ignorant. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the article reported that the men who engaged in the fight went to go have unprotected sex with a hooker afterwards and then capped off the night by sharing drug needles.

The sad part, people like this are roaming the streets waiting to start shit. That’s why I never get in fights in traffic. I simply take down license plate numbers, do a little Internet research and then find the house of the prick that cut me off.

I’ll befriend him for a few years and maybe buy his kids gifts. I might even move into his neighborhood. We’ll have cookouts and our wives will become good friends. Maybe we’ll even go on vacation together. The years will pass and we’ll enjoy life side by side taking the bitter along with the sweet. One Christmas will blend into another and as the years begin to pass quicker, maybe we’ll do something thoughtful like move into the same retirement community together. As our golden years quickly go by, sadly, our health will begin to fade. The guy will eventually be struck with illness but I’ll remain vigilant and stay at his bedside. He’ll turn my way and thank me for the loyal friendship that I’ve given to him over all these years. And then I look to him, smile and take a deep breath. Then I'll yell: “Remember when you cut me off 45 years ago? Payback is a bitch motherfucker! Taste my PAIN!” And I’ll smother him with a pillow as I laugh. When I’m done, I’ll finish the chocolate pudding he never got to eat. The nurses won’t notice as I wheel out of the room, make my way out of the building, get in my car and head on down the road.

Or I could just let it go . . . which is probably what these morons should have done.

Missouri medical malpractice awards rise

Doctors more pissed off than usual while playing golf.

Judge Accuses Police Chief Of Concealing Evidence

Dirtbag who was stunned by the police wants his lottery settlement money before Christmas.

Cat Found Built Into Wall Of New House

Hundreds of thousands of dollars for some stucco, plywood and drywall. The place ought to come with in-house pussy.

Blunt Debates Crime With Cops, Prosecutors

Cops want more money . . . the line starts behind all of the sick people without medical insurance in this state.

Living just enough for the city

Badda Blog! Is furthering his education (congrats!!!!) and learning new things everyday. Click this link and let him school ya!

The Miseducation of Mr. Cellophane

"Almost every day in my American Citizenship class my teacher plays clips from Bill O'Reilly. He doesn't present any other personalities. That has to violate something."

If the smartest kid in class was a cool as Mr. Cellophane, I wouldn't have taken his lunch money.

The end is nigh!

Pot smokers and liberals (same thing) can rejoice. The Republicans are imploding and weed is good for you. All the suits quickly learning that Karma is a bitch.

FDM gets schooled

See, this is why I don’t pick fights with brilliant graduate students. I don't want to get taken to school. Once again, Josh Rosenau hands the FDM Team their ass when it comes to statistics, polling data and research methodology. Why? One: He's a smart mofo. Two: He uses Google.

Now don't think I'm hating on the FDM team. They have a brash philosophy that I'm down with: They don't like the guy in charge and they want to take him out. Simple enough, honest and angry. But clearly all of JoCo ain't coming along for the Republican revolution. FDM would be better off giving up the bean counter routine (because it isn't working) and sticking to what they do best: picking on Moore from their ideological standpoint.

But, I'm not an expert in Kansas politics. Gimme a few years, when all of those Mexican kids born in Kansas finally come of age and I'll probably start taking an interest.

Update: Somebody wrote me an e-mail (because apparently you people hate leaving comments) and they thought I was talking about waiting to have sex with Mexican youngsters when they reached legal age. Ugh, get your mind out of the gutter people. Anyway, I was refering to the growing population of Latinos in Kansas and the fact that they'll be able to vote in just a few years. Just in case you were confused.)

Refrain

The latest article from The Pitch regarding the narcocorridos belted out at Del Rio is a brilliant description of the rampant stupidity that permeates the local Latino Community.

If you follow The Pitch, the article could be considered a companion piece to a story written earlier this year about gangsta rap and violence in KC. Clearly, idiocy knows no color . . . scratch that, you can’t help read the article and lament the fact that so many brown people employ a soundtrack as they kill each other.

Nadia Pflaum is truly a courageous reporter as she notes that “Del Rio's reputation is that it's a drug dealer's hangout” as she quotes several sources who barely maintain the subterfuge that the place is anything more than a drug den. This fact is largely ignored by the local Hispanic media because they have to live with these scumbags and so often the connections to local leaders are direct. The fact that The Pitch chose to highlight this story makes the publication of the article one of the bravest acts from a group of hipster/posers since Weezer decided to film a video with the Muppets.

Back to Del Rio . . . while reading the piece I tried to think of solutions but it’s so hard to talk a fool out of their foolishness. I saw myself marching down to the place accompanied by a cadre of Mexican grandmas. Together, the grandmas and I would slap sense into the flock of lost sheep. We could set all of the low level dirtbags and the putas (whores) that love them on the right path. That would be nice but the truth isn’t as funny: law enforcement, retribution, random violence, disease and time will take care of all of the morons who partake in the lifestyle promoted at Del Rio. I guess in the end, we all get what’s coming to us but you won’t see me shed a tear when the patrons of Del Rio meet their fate.

So many stories in this town regarding the tragic death of Latinos have a subtext of the drug culture that narcocorridos depict. The article is a must read for anyone who wants to understand that hypocrisy of Kansas City’s Latino community as we all but ignore the exploits of drug dealers who are comprised solely of our friends, sons, daughters and cousins.

One More Black Man Out of Work

Dr. Bernard Taylor’s unproductive reign as Superintendent of the KCMO School District is over.

Taylor’s final days were marked with unexpected support from a few members of KC’s middle class Black community (read: welfare pimps). Pillars of the corrupt, old school and out dated Black leadership like Rev. Dr. Wallace Hartsfield came to Taylor’s defense to no avail. Supporters pointed toward the district’s provisional accreditation during Taylor’s tenure as a sign of progress. But this failed to impress the eight school board members who voted against him.

Only in the Black community is probation considered a positive step forward.

Ultimately, Taylor’s record is marked by persistently declining enrollment, high dropout rates and his inability to achieve a workable strategy to deal with budget cuts. Parents in Kansas City have virtually given up on the district and actively seek out alternatives. One stat that no media outlet will mention is that the KCMO District is more than 80% Black in a city that is still predominantly white. Every year or so, I nearly laugh my guts out when the local news profiles a class of Black kids at a KCMO school taking part in an African drum lesson and one lonely white kid is there banging on the drum for all he’s worth; lest the natives make an example out of him. Whites have abandoned the district wholesale and the tyrannical Black administration bitterly seeks to serve only their kind (poorly); in the wake of this feuding the shameful Latino dropout rate is all but ignored.

Still, the makeup of the district and the politics of this city will guarantee that the next Superintendent will also be a highly educated and talented Black person who will ultimately have their spirit broken and reputation ruined by the dumbass kids of this town. The district is a wounded beast in its death throws and nothing will save it except for an honest assessment of its top heavy administrative configuration, better wages and higher standards for its underpaid teachers and an abandonment of the political/racial bullshit that has only served to hamper progress. Sadly, education officials will probably never learn from their continuous string of failures and the education of kids in KC will continue to suffer.

Man Killed In Industrial Oven Accident

KMBC reported that the worker became entangled in a conveyer belt that carried him into a giant oven, where he was killed.

This link is for all of you (morose) people who miss the intros from Six Feet Under. Now cheer up, at least you're alive!!!

Check Please

No matter how good of a time you’re having, at some point the bill comes due. I know this sad fact all to well. Soon, the people of KC will learn that if you build it, they might come but the tab will definitely arrive . . . and sooner than you think.

The Business Journal reports that Kansas City must boost tourism and conventions or face a huge shortfall.

Revenue from Kansas City's convention facilities covers just 41 percent of their operating expenses, and the city needs to boost both tourism and convention business as the bills begin to come due for billions of dollars in new facilities Downtown

In retrospect, the relentless building boom/ponzi scheme undertaken by this town not only seems overly optimistic but also mismanaged. Similar efforts in other cities did not incur the price tag that has accumulated in KC.

In a comparison of revenue and expenses in nine markets, Kansas City's $4 million in revenue against $10 million in Convention Center operating expenses ranked worst.

Currently, Kansas City desperately waits for the money to come rolling in now that we are deeply in debt. City Manager Wayne Cauthen noted that “City Hall could face tough choices in cutting basic services if downtown improvements don't generate more tax income for the city.”

Does a town with streets full of potholes, a nearly bankrupt city government, in the midst of a murder rate crisis seem like a tourist destination? Actually, it seems like most people could save the trip and stay home and play Grand Theft Auto in order to get the KC experience. If this town desperately needs money, I’d like to suggest putting Mayor Kay “Condo” Barnes out on the street and have her hustle the cash. If the manner in which she has pimped herself out to condo dwellers is any indication of her enthusiasm, she could make up the shortfall in no time.

Tonight’s the night

We should find out tonight whether or not Bernard Taylor will stay or go. Sadly, while tonight is a big date, a date with destiny . . . the kids of the KCMO school district have been getting screwed over for years.

Friends Allege Bus Driver Ignores Attack

Two women said a metro bus driver did nothing to help their friend as a purse snatcher attacked her with his cell phone.

What the hell do you expect from the bus driver man, lady? You've heard the song, you know how he rolls: He drinks and he cusses and he smells up the busses.

I wouldn't expect any favors, ladies.

Blog Fight!!!

The first rule of blogger fight club is: You better know your shit or at least run a humor blog so when you're wrong you can say: I was just joking.

The Pitch awarded Josh Rosenau the title of "best blogger" and anybody who has read his work has to acknowledge that he's probably the smartest. In a recent post, Rosenau takes apart the FDM team and their "attempt to appear well informed on polling methodology."

FDM and their readers take some joy in ignoring inconvenient data, and that's fine. But that's a good way to lose. Polls are people speaking. Ignoring the ones who disagree is a guaranteed way to fail, and that's the only way to turn the third of Kansas that calls itself Independent into a sixth of your sample.

In rap parlance, we call this "dropping mad science" on a mofo. I sensed that FDM was spinning the numbers as well but I'm not expert (or nerdy) enough to argue with them. I can deconstruct them and tell you why they might be gay, reinforcing the hegemony or racist but that's about it. As for the likability of Kansas politicians, the last leader I liked from Kansas was Chief Black Kettle.

Keeping (and settling the) Score

A couple of my favorite writers have recently left The Pitch so I have no qualms about insulting the corporate rag unmerciful(ly). The only way I see myself stopping is if a wad of unmarked bills and a nude photo of Jen Chen shows up on my doorstep.

Here’s the latest news in the corporate history of The Pitch in an article where local blogger/writer Joe from KC Soil served as the main source:

Nicholson Kovac PR person Sarah Tuttle sees both sides of the best-of coin.

“I think it’s a great marketing scheme,” she says. “I remember when I worked at the Phoenix last year. The owner ripped out all the (Pitch) entry forms and had us fill ’em out. And she gave them to customers and said, ‘Hey, put us down.’ ”

PR guy Will Gregory’s take on the best-of concept: “It’s great for the advertisers because it’s all about advertising. That’s how they make their money, because it’s packed with them.”

I guess that sums the journalistic philosophy at The Pitch nicely. Sadly, it seems as if the most anticipated Pitch issue of the year is nothing more than a collection of bored writing for chump change and product placement for the benefit of the home office.

Did you notice the PR hottie pictured in the Star story? Corporate life must be so sweet, I guess it has to be, because it guarantees eternal damnation at its end.

If you haven’t been following the corporate soap-opera at The Pitch here are a few links to get you up to speed:

Not much of an alternative

Picking on The Pitch

New Blog: Pensive Girl

Just found this new blog. Hope she doesn't mind me linking. I was looking for other web resources about enlarging . . . ugh, nevermind.

U.S. Toll in Iraq to 2,001

You're killing me

The Star reports that: "Where blacks frequent, death rates surge." Which could be interpreted as a kind call for "white flight" from any hospital that serves Black people . . . and by that I mean even more white flight than usual. I know that I might not be able to change the social structure of the United States, erase history or work toward a more equitable healthcare system but I sure can drive a few miles further to get treated by a nurse who doesn't want to murder me.

Will Bernard Taylor stay or will he go?

The people of KC want to know not only because he has done a horrible job but also because that means there might be a condo with a great view on the market soon.

Taking no flack

KCTV 5 reports that a few KC crooks were recently caught with a flack jacket. Police always get jealous when suspected criminals have better equipment. The find is actually quite impressive, there are some soldiers in Iraq who are in desperate need of that kind of gear.

School Bus Runs Over Student

Certainly this isn't going to help falling enrollment in the KCMO school district.

Rock you like a Hurricane

A hurricane benefit concert will soon be held at the Beaumont Club so I guess you'll help out disaster victims by enduring a musical disaster of your own. If the organizers had a sense of humor they would have held the event at The Hurricane.

Missouri Inmated Executed for 1991 Murders

He was found guilty of pushing two women off a bridge. He took the big leap at midnight.

Arena Football is coming! Sigh.

KC’s arena football league recently released its schedule and the only thing that’s certain is no matter what the outcome of the games, KC will be on the losing side.

(Check out the flashy presentation of the website. Worthy of the dot.com bubble days.)

Teen Fights Off Rapist

It’s inspiring to know that an ass-kicking little girl has assured that a local perv will have a harder time in jail when word gets out that he was beat down by a 14 year-old youngster.

Anti-Crime Ads About To Hit Airwaves

Channel 9 asks “Can television ads help curb the city's crime rate?” Which begs the question: Is a t-shirt really responsible for all of the murders in this town? And both of these questions leave inquiring minds wanting to know: Why would anybody support Alvin Brooks? Finally, at the end of this philosophical pursuit you may realize that all of these queries, concerns and candle wax probably don’t have much effect on anything but giving people something to talk about while KC thugs kill each other and a few innocent people in the process.

Thief Uses Drive Thru for Holdup

Actually, I think this is just payback for all of those creepy commercials.

Burka on the bus

The Cowtowner is a newish local blog that I'm having a great time reading. Lots of good stuff, funny with a few great photos from around KC.

Woman Shot In Car After Argument In Street

A woman was in the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries after being shot Monday night in KCMO.

Clearly, an Internet flame war is the only appropriate place to have a fight. Still, this rule is always in effect.

TKC: A blogger’s motives revealed

It’s wonderful to know that you’re making a difference. In traffic, I cut people off and know that later, when they are having sex with their overweight wife, they’re trying to relieve all of the frustration I have created for them. (No homo)

It seems that lately I’ve been making life harder for Greg Reeves at Crime Scene KC. Today he lashes out at me in a post and notes that this site is “what passes for press criticism in this city.”

I love it when white people get mad because they turn kind of pink.

Anyway, this only proves my point that The Star doesn’t know dick about the Internets. I’m a blogger, not an ombudsman. If you want rational, well researched press criticism from a local, Dr. Cline at Rhetroica has been providing brilliant analysis “about the rhetoric, propaganda, and spin of journalism and politics” for a few years.

I’m a blogger and a writer. My interests are white women, racism, dick and pussy jokes, Chicanos/Mexicans, technology, porn, your mama jokes, rap music, Kansas City, po’ folk, local news, violence, non-violence, politics, war, death and witnessing the decline of the daily paper and other journalistic institutions first hand.

Along with this I have the courage to name my critics outright and I don’t mind if I send them a little traffic. Yeah, I don’t have The Star backing me up with a big, fat font page ad but I have enough respect for everybody that comes to this site to be as honest and jokey as possible. Because that’s what a blogger does; it’s about opinion, linking, spouting, flame wars like this and not cutting and pasting the Star’s entire premium content with nothing more than a few lines of vanilla commentary.

So I can toss you a link because my corporate job isn’t as risk. I don’t have one.

Punk.

Douche.

Suit.

Company man.

Poser.

Dude who is fond of relentlessly associating Black people with crime and obviously gets pretty defensive when somebody points it out but can’t just come out and write it because of the passive aggressive nature of corporate life.

Whew . . . and I’m spent.

School Coach Suspected of Window Peeping

OR KCTV5 makes the news seem like a bad movie from the 80's.

Additionally, what the hell was up with that movie? I loved it when I was a little kid but now I think: "They were all desperate to do it with hookers. When did syphilis become a teenage rite of passage?" And why were all the actors 35 and pretending to be in high school?

Yet another failure

Enrollment drops again in the ailing KC School district. Parents continue to look for alternatives. Superintendent Taylor continues to look for other jobs. Nobody seems to have any luck finding a clue.

MU Moves To Quash Fan Rowdiness

Shitty teams just not doing the trick.

Confucius Institute Could Find Home At KU

Confucius say: White girls are easily impressed by fortune cookie wisdom and quick to give up rock chalk ass.

Australia will open KC trade office

The dingo ate your baby and took yer job. 50 points to the first prank caller who asks: "How are things down under?"

Johnson County D.A. to Announce Campaign

It won't be for the governor's office and it's definitely not a popularity contest considering the guy is as charming as a jury duty summons.

Update: The Star reports "Morrison poised to switch parties to challenge Kline." Finding the lesser evil hasn't been this tough since Britney and Christina.

GE unit will leave KC for Mission

The corporate office finally decides it's time to move to the suburbs. What a bright idea, and only more than thirty years behind everyone else. Who says American companies are dim?

KC Roller Warriors Halloween Spectacular

OR Damn, girls in costume and on roller skates . . . prepare to play limbo. Ugh, that's nasty even for me.

Listen to this chestnut

The proprietors of the Peanut and the Cashew are nuts if they think there is enough room in this town for one more trendy bar. Not exactly new news but jokes about nuts never go stale. Until now . . .

Everybody loves Bush

The FDM teams takes the numbers for a spin and discovers that Kansans love Bush, hate Dennis Moore (which I guess is why they keep voting for him) and believe that all life evolved from Dick Cheney.

All that Jazz

Local Blog 'Happy in Bag' discovers the Jazz Museum in disarray.

The Littlest Hooker

And a few other bad Halloween costume options from local blog Digital Doorway. Click the link for the rest of the Halloween mistakes.

Not much of an alternative

A long time ago, the term “alternative press” used to mean something. Unfortunately, somebody discovered there was money to be made selling ads in the rags that catered to under employed, hipsters and poser white people. Apparently, these people (or their parents) had money to spend and merely represented another group of consumers.

I remember when The Pitch was first bought out. I was just starting college and noticed all of the stoners were bummed. I figured that somebody od’d and destroyed a favorite bong. It was worse, all of their friends got the ax and now nobody was around to report on their house parties, gay costume extravaganzas or some event that midtown white people refer to loosely as “entertainment.” Anyway, it was a house cleaning and a few of the leftover staffers (who didn’t wanna get real jobs) went on to form EKC.

Since then, The Pitch Weekly has become The Pitch . . . an arm of The New Times Media Corporation. Today, The New York Times reports that The New Times Media Empire is expanding:

The company that publishes The Village Voice and five other alternative newspapers is to announce today an agreement to be acquired by New Times Media, the largest publisher in the market. The deal would create a chain of 17 free weekly newspapers around the country with a combined circulation of 1.8 million.

This is a big deal, not only in terms of money but also when it comes to reportage. The “alternative” empire of the Tall Israelis is now consolidated. At one time The Pitch was a true representation of wing-nut, outsider and (more often than not) senseless local opinion. Currently, The Pitch is simply just another brand of corporate news. Sure, there are investigative pieces where the vast resources of the publisher are used against whatever easy target they pick out but more often than not the rag is simply a means to convey the advertisements of futon retailers and MLM schemes. Often the stories featured in the Pitch are merely fill-in-the-blank articles that lampoon a prominent public official not being gay friendly enough, expose a new gay trend or profile an up and coming (and possibly gay) local personality. There are a few reporters at The Pitch whose work goes beyond these generalizations but I’ve noticed that they are just as averse to this corporate style as I am.

What I find most disturbing is that so few of the writers of The Pitch are originally from KC. Like most professional journalists, many of the writers for The Pitch are merely transient members of the community. Anybody can learn facts but there are a few things about this town that you wouldn’t know unless you lived here for awhile. The newbie writers at The Pitch don’t know about the street crossing guard who used to wave at everybody on Southwest Trafficway, they weren’t here when the Royals won the World Series and Westport was packed with cheering fans, they didn’t watch local coverage when the catwalk at the Hyatt Regency collapsed and they don’t have parents who can tell them about the days when KC segregation was de jure rather than simply de facto. Even more, KC has a vibe that’s summed up with phrases like “Paris on the plains” and “cowtown” but rarely evoked in the pages of The Pitch.

While the rag will remain hopelessly liberal, it’s definitely anything but local.

Teen Still Missing

A mentally challenged teenager has been missing for more than three days.

UMKC nursing leader addresses nursing shortage

I don't want to know how they'll find a way to outsource bedpan duties.

Space Heater Sparks KC House Fire

Great, not only do you have to worry about the people in KC killing you but also the electrical appliances are out for blood. I thought I saw my toaster giving me dirty looks. And for some reason my dishwasher keeps calling me a punk-ass bitch.

Great India Restaurant Review

If you have the cash, feel free to experience the cuisine of the country that took your job.

At Home with James B. Nutter

Not as sexy as it sounds.

(This link is local but not that relevant or newsworthy. It just makes me smile.)

22-Year-Old Slain When Argument Escalates

Bullet holes punctuate sentances in KC. You could blame it on the KC school district for not teaching kids grammar. Or you could just subtly blame Black people and post thier photo to support your arguemnt rather than being honest about your prejudices.

Or you could move to the suburbs, where the only minorities you have to worry about are working on your lawn or screwing your daughter.

Hazmat Crew Investigates Odor At Apartment Complex

OR Insert joke about welcoming new ethnic neighbors here.

Woodlands Worker Allegedly Raped At Track

Sadly, the victim is one of the horse handlers and not one of the horses. Although, I guess that would be sad as well. As a punishment, if the guy is found guilty I suggest letting a few of the horses have sex with him. Call it "gambling den justice." We all know you take your chances with the law.

Rodney Crowell to Appear at Knuckleheads in Kansas City

There are only three words in this headline that make sense to me but maybe that’s because all I’ve been listening to for the past few days has been Al Green and EPMD.

Carpet Clues

The rug used to wrap up the body of a dead girl may lead police to clues regarding her murder. While the stains on your rug are nothing more than an indication that you like snack cakes, cheap wine, cats and dragging your big ass feet.

Man Dies in City's 104th Homicide

Wow! KC's new Crime Commission, set to deliver a report in a couple of months sure is a timely solution!

Officer Fatally Shoots Man with Knife

After a chase, the officer had his gun drawn and the suspect threatened him. While the suspect obviously didn’t know much about physics of gunfire he still wins a Darwin Award.

Grand champion steer sold at a record price

Just in case you forgot that Kansas City is nothing more than a cow town.

"Kansas’ animal cruelty law is woefully inadequate"

From today’s hokey column by Mike Hendricks: “In the state of Kansas, an individual may beat, mutilate and even kill a dog or cat and receive nothing more than a slap on the wrist.”

If this seems harsh, then you’ve never had a dog shit on your new sofa. Additionally, does it make much sense to send a person to jail where they will likely endure the same treatment?

I’ve noted the stupidity of Scruffy’s Law several times in this blog but I can only make so many jokes about Korean food and the necessity of tenderizing any animal before you eat it.

And now this hilarious line that nearly ruined my keyboard with orange juice shooting out of my nose:

However, she does know that animals don’t deserve to be mistreated the way they are sometimes.

“I still can see that night,” Brand said, “when that jerk was beating his dog in my dreams.”

LOL! Great, this Star columnist advocates legislative action from the State of Kansas on behalf of a woman who is haunted by strange sex dreams.

By any other name

KC’s Negro Leagues Baseball Museum is seeking congressional recognition as “America’s Negro Leagues Baseball Museum” in order to thwart competition and help with fundraising.

I’ve been to the Museum a few times and it’s pretty interesting and almost completely empty. For years, it was hoped that the new district would spark even more development but it’s mainly a tax payer funded wasteland. U.S. Rep. Emanuel Cleaver is going to be holding a press conference today in order to promote the initiative. If a new designation will help the struggling KC attraction, I’d be glad to help.

Here are a few more designations for the facility:

- The least popular attraction of the East side. Drugs and random violence being the leading forms of entertainment.

- Neither as entertaining nor as educational as dead hookers but much more family friendly.

- Part of the “white guilt” tour.

- The monument to the only sport where Black people can excel without being forced to showboat or dance.

- Another one of KC’s redevelopment strikeouts.

Suburban Bliss

The Raisch murder case has always been hard for me to follow. I have no idea why people are always shocked to believe that suburban white people are incapable of murder.

Today, Mark Mangelsdorf is scheduled to appear in a Johnson County courtroom to answer charges in a murder that occurred nearly a quarter of a century ago. The 1986 graduate of Harvard University’s MBA program is accused of killing — and plotting with Melinda Raisch to kill — Raisch’s first husband, David Harmon of Olathe.

I mean, c’mon, is it that hard to believe? Sure, usually when white people murder somebody they’re in a plane dropping bombs from thousands of miles away and the victims are brown but that’s just semantics. Thing is, when white people kill one another it’s always for big money. Think big insurance payouts with stocks, bonds and trusts. While minorities are mainly content to kill people for a gold chain, a few bucks or because of a perceived slight.

Additionally, there is a soap-opera like element to this case because it’s alleged that Manglesdorf and Raisch were getting busy while they decided to take out her husband. Like I said, it’s all so confusing when white people get passionate and start killing people for something other than stock options or oil reserves.

360 Architecture will stay Downtown

Whereas high real estate prices and rising property taxes will ultimately force your ass into the surrounding rural areas.

Wino

A KC native leaves the corporate world to fulfill his fantasies regarding wine. This story would be much more interesting if also featured whores, late nights and nudity but it’s actually just about a guy starting a new business.

I don’t really understand people who enjoy wine. Sure, I liked Sideways but I didn’t really get it. To me, it all tastes like Mad Dog 20/20. Mainly because all the wine I drink is, in fact, Mad Dog 20/20.

Lose your ass or your job

Local companies are watching the waistline of their employees. This seems like a caring gesture but it’s really just an attempt to cut down on health insurance premiums. Additionally, telcom employees aren’t told that their time on the treadmill actually powers communication lines . . . so the next time you can’t get a signal, blame the fat asses at Sprint.

"I didn't like taking the bus"

A local artist exhibits his work inspired by travels on the bus. So I imagine that there are a lot of stink lines and a few “will work for food” sketches. Additionally, I wonder how he renders the thought “I wish I had a car” in his drawings.

The Pseudoscience of urban development

The life sciences could bring a new spate of development to KC but it probably won’t do many people much good unless they plan on studying why poor brown people love to kill each other.

'Miracle League' Helps Children With Disabilities Play Ball

Unfortunately, volunteers are discouraged from noting how much “they love those crazy bastards.”

Bacon Shoe and other bands

Local blog Gimpy soft provides a brilliant review of a recent “nerd rap” show in KC. He posts some great pictures of the show along with some background info on the bands in question.

“Nerdcore” is a promising trend in rap music. At least they’re honest, most white people who engage in rap are nerds to begin with so they might as well embrace the label. C’mon, if you had to listen to Eminem complain about his mom without the awesome beat supplied by Dr. Dre, you’d slap him silly and then laugh at his pain.

"I don't report the news, I comment on it."

The Whole Wheat Blogger fires off a series of links with mighty funny comments.

"There's nothing quite as funny as art-wary Kansas Citians"

The cold moves in and local blogger Mac rightly believes that the locals will turn a cold shoulder to an upcoming art exhibit. Additionally, he links up some pretty cool tunes.

Shooting Star: The downward trajectory

Local blogger Joe reviews The Star’s attempts to fight irrelevance. They’re promoting new video features and interactivity. A guide to handling the remote for all of their elderly subscribers might also be useful.

Task force takes on crime rate

Local Black people are starting to blame guns and not themselves for all of the recent murders in KC. I have no problem with going after “illegal” guns but the effort to blame gun shows and manufactures just smells like some sleazy lawyer is hoping for a lawsuit and a fat settlement or at least some shakedown money. The task force seems to be mainly comprised of people who are either in politics or may want a political career in the future. Good luck, KC! Violence continues to soar in this town and people are already fighting to get in front of the cameras. It’s enough to make you want to shoot somebody.

I’ve always suspected that most rock was racist

However, two little white, racist twins could be the next big thang. Now that Jessica Simpson will soon have to sidestep the fact that she’s a whore. It’ll be that much harder to find a white girl to believe in, these two could fill the void. I know this doesn’t concern KC, but after reading about these two on Radosh.net . . . I had to share.

Latinos said to fill more business

Latinos and immigrants start companies at higher rates than White non-Latinos, while Blacks increasingly are jumping into business ownership, a new study reports according to a study by the Kaufman Foundation.

This is because nobody will hire us. And because of those damn drug and background screenings.

The Historic Haunting of Old St. Mary's Church

I thought all Churches were haunted with Jesus. Right? Jesus is in all back of the church waiting to kill whoever is naughty and give candy to whoever is nice. He sees you when your sleeping and then pulls your teeth out when you don't leave him a dollar under your pillow. Eh, it's been a long time since Catholic School and I'm starting to get my stories mixed up.

KC company may add 1,000 jobs by 2011

They won't name the company so it's probably bullshit. But who knows, it might also be true. Just in case, try hanging out around downtown with a big sign that reads "Will tap dance, sell my soul, and blow you for a job in mid-level management." That kind of effort not only signals a positive attitude but also shows that you'll go the extra mile. Go get'em tiger!

Update: The Star says it's State Street. So be prepared to bother all of you relatives about getting more insurance and that risking all of their money in the stock market is a good idea.

Chiefs 30, Dolphins 20

Surprisingly, it was a pretty decent meaningless, early season game. Not enough for me to take the team seriously, but better than watching other awful Friday Night programming.

KMBC Staffers' Son Dies In Accident

KC Talk reports sad news regarding Maria Antonia's son.

Performing Arts Center campaign quickens

If they can raise an additional $45 million by Feb.1, backers of the proposed Performing Arts Center promise to start building the dazzling structure next fall.

So feel free to donate to an elitist, snobby, bourgeois, pet project which you’ll probably never attend.

Drivers: Watch Out for Deer!

It’s mating season and unlike local skanks, deer don’t wear bright tube tops and too much makeup in order to identify their intentions of screwing and running around the streets half crazy.

Pale Reason

While The Star’s KC Crime Scene is happy with only showing the Black face of crime, I’m using my little space on the web to exhibit my prejudice against white men because of the crimes that I’ve seen them accused of in the media.

I’d first like to note a local white guy accused of sexually assaulting 3 boys. I guess there weren’t any defenseless civilizations around to pick on so apparently he had to turn to children. The second white guy facing well publicized criminal charges is (as you already know) former House majority leader Tom Delay who is accused of conspiracy and money-laundering. I’ve often noted that a ski mask is second only to a tie as an essential clothing accessory with which to steal money. You already know which one white guys prefer.

Sometimes I think they’re all alike. If a white guy isn’t raping, he’s stealing. They accuse other people being lazy but Lord knows they should take a brake from all their shenanigans (their word) once in awhile.

Of course, I’m making generalizations. There are a lot of non-rapist, honest white guys out there . . . some of my best friends are white guys. Hell, my sister dates a white guy and he seems okay. He’s one of the good ones!

So maybe I shouldn’t judge all of the white guys on TV badly; even though I only see them killing brown people on a massive scale along with raping and stealing.

That’s it; I’m giving white guys another chance. Lord knows I’ve extended the same courtesy to their daughters time and again.

Study: KC-area apartment rents edge up

OR The commute is always shorter when your car is your home.

Graveyard shift gets scary around Halloween

Lovely local blogger Sheri pens an amazing post regarding all of the freaks who come out at night.

Hat tip: Whodini

Cheney To Stump For Missouri Senator

Unless the old bastard is giving away Halliburton stock options, I don’t think he’ll sway any voters that haven’t already supported Republican, overspending, mismanagement, long drawn out military conflicts and corruption.

Project Green Light KC

No, not a pipe dream screenplay contest with constantly disappointing results but a study that could make traffic over our pothole ridden streets quicker . . . between flats.

"Deaths of our military on the last page"

The Star sacrifices hard news for dating tips as a desperate attempt to curb falling circulation numbers trumps public service, community journalism, whatever . . . Ironic, The Star is nearly as desperate as some of the local skanks out searching high and low for husband material.

Note to whores (virtually all women born after 1971): You are not worth bringing home to Mom and Dad. Now make me a sandwich, stop crying and put on those pumps that I like; the ones that you wore on the stripper’s pole where I met you. For the last time, your hair is beautiful. Filthy, dirty, whore . . .

And stop eating so much bread!!!

Bottoms Up?

The West Bottoms has a long and sleazy history. This local blogger notes the recent additions to the neighborhood with a nostalgic post. Crackheads are always pleasant in hindsight.

Attention Kansas City Zinesters!

A local zine fest is quickly approaching. It’s scheduled for Saturday, October 29, 2005. For those of you who can’t get your fill of flakey ideas from the Internets.

Venk’s Rising Star

Big Dumb Fun Show host Venkman is a prolific man. Nowadays, there is less of him to love but he’d still be my second choice if I was to wake up gay tomorrow. My first choice for hot gay sex would be Ellen. That’s right, if I was gay I’d be a lesbian. I like softball and Tori Amos.

Anyway, good luck to Venk with all of his new endeavors. The man is just too damn talented and cool to evoke jealousy. And he writes wonderful (er, bad) poetry.

3 A.M. Eternal

New blog: Three O’Clock in the Morning. Good stuff, lots of posts regarding KC.

School Daze

White people worry about the schools they’ve built far away from all the darkies as enrollment at the schools far, far away from all of the brown people continue to grow. (Long story short: You [white] people would move to Iowa to avoid somebody like Dr. Bernard Taylor) Sadly, no great distance or transient suburban social structure can repress interracial dating. God Bless America!

Friday Night Lights

The Arrowheadcase is keeping up with the ever changing Chiefs schedule. The only certainty is that they won’t be playing come Super Bowl time in January.

UMKC thinks it's “white boy” day

It ain’t white boy day. Is it? We’ll see at the end of the season but the basketball team of my alma mater has always sucked so I don’t think so.

With names like Brent, Jakub and Brian these new recruits may be able to bring the noise but not the funk. A UMKC student/fan/detainee wonders: “Four Caucasian starters and a bench full of white chocolate? When did UMKC start recruiting like this?”

The answer: Right about the time they forgot about winning and/or started caring about worthless academic performance.

Hat tip: KC Media

*Note: In keeping with the tone of the day . . . this post is implicitly racist. Of course Black guys can academically perform on the same level as white people. Everybody knows the Bell Curve was bullshit. However, holding a basketball in one arm and a blonde in the other would impede the performance of any student. White guys don't have to worry about the blonde.

Say cheese Black guys!

KC Crime Scene is the latest source for all of the mugshots of Black men you’d ever want to see.

Read the comment I left. Seems as if The Star’s crime coverage may have taken to the net but it’s still black and white . . . mostly Black. How come I didn’t read a post or see a mugshot of those white bread Westar crooks from our new crime blogger?

And just in case you’re confused, yes I’m calling this guy a racist. Not working for a corporation gives me the freedom to do such a thing even if it seems hypocritical to the untrained (or wandering) eye.

The Pitch is really gay

Not homosexual, just gay.

The streets are falling apart all over this town, violence is still raging around the city, the new stadium isn’t accepting applications from brown people and new public service ads are begging for sellouts and fulfilling the dreams of some butch politico that wears lipstick and copious amounts of hair gel . . . Yet gay cowboys grace the cover of the publication?

Does the term “alternative” in the rag’s tagline refer to reality?

PlazaJen: "It's everyone's problem."

Local blogger Jen pens an amazing post that somebody should forward to that dickhead Nick Haines.

What happened to DailyKC?

Local blogger Cameron left without even a goodbye note. Maybe it's just a temporary absence. The site autoforwards to Metroblogging. Hope all is well. Seriously, I'm hoping for a few local media outlets to shut down, not blogs about KC.

WT Investments

So the lottery didn’t work out for you. There are still plenty of cigarettes, meth and guns that you can purchase with that money.

Teen Killed In Bizarre Accident

What was a 14 year-old doing underneath a bridge at 1:30 in the morning on a school night?

Other than drugs.

Fair Weather Fans Pass On Miami Game

Chiefs want their fans to give them 500 million and fly into a hurricane? Never mind that they’ve defiled nearly every single, blonde skank in the area. Talk about a one-sided relationship.

Mo Right to Life says Blunt is not pro life

Just like pro-lifers, I think abortion is repugnant and sad as well. That’s why I’ll never have one. However, if I thought about it awhile, I guess there is one case where it might have been justified . . .

What am I saying? NO! I’m glad they let Baby Blunt live. The world would be cheaper without his perfect hair to admire and his dumb ass to ridicule.

Suffering From Charity Fatigue?

Not really. I never get tired of saying no.

Anti-Snitch Shirts Upset Victim's Family

It’s official. I definitely have to go out and buy one of these shirts now. And I agree with the message. My sister should totally stop snitching that I only mow the grass in my Mom’s backyard every other week.

Theft Suspects Caught on Tape

At least somebody is learning a practical skill at UMKC. Car thieves can make a ton of cash and ass rape in prison is only one drawback to an otherwise glamorous career.

Q&A with Coach Vermeil

Q. Wow Coach, you’re really good at hitting PR softballs from the local media who cower in fear at the prospect of losing their press pass. Ever think about switching careers and heading over to our rundown baseball stadium?

Q. Are you ever uncomfortable with all the beating and causal screwing of white women that your players perpetrate?

Q. Have you figured out that your job is only about “giving the crowd a good show” and not really about being competitive? For nearly a quarter of a century this team has been just good enough to miss the playoffs and not bad enough to land a decent draft pick. So far, your tenure here has kept up that trend. What do you say Coach?

Local Soldier Killed In Iraq

From KC to Iraq nobody has any idea about how to stop the death toll. Peace remains elusive. Gas prices remain high. Unless you own stock in Halliburton, the Bush years haven’t been that great.

Patient Accused Of Stabbing Nurse

Sick Bastard

A shooting and a stabbing push bloody tally to 103

KC thugs can mix it up. I'’ll bet the guy who did the stabbing probably didn'’t even use his good hand, just to keep things interesting.

By the way, my prediction for the body count for the end of this year is over 125. I think the weather will be mild, money will be tight and you can always count on people to act stupid.

Turn child toward Jesus, away from lying

Sadly, only Billy Graham has the moral authority to convey this message. Try and tell this to your kid and then duck because he’ll rightly call you a hypocrite and then ask about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, those strange numbers on your Blackberry, why Mommy comes home and “wrestles” with Uncle Jake when you’re not around and why the tax man wants to talk with you so badly.

Lockout

According to The Star, the only minorities that will benefit from the new Sprint Center will be those who are lucky enough to play in it.

In the summer of 2004, when the public voted for a new downtown Kansas City arena, campaign supporters promised minorities they would share in the city’s multibillion-dollar building boom.

And big surprise, it’s not happening. Councilwoman Saundra McFadden-Weaver brought this issue to light and not only got slapped down by Mayor “Condo” Kay but also received harsh treatment from the local media. Note that the Star doesn’t even mention her efforts in their story.

Not only does the project lack local minority workers, it lacks workers from KC proper. I drive by and notice all of the trucks have JoCo license plates. I guess the arena is already attempting to draw people from all over the area. I only wonder if they’ll stick around after they’re done collecting their money.

Anti-crime efforts at apartments are cited

OR this is how a thug-ass kid gets his whole family kicked out of low-income housing. Take a bite out of crime and put more homeless people on the street. The homeless have a little less time to commit violence when they’re looking for a warm place to rest.

UMKC task force lays out plan

God laughs. Students laugh. All the people having gay sex in the secluded bathrooms and the gym laugh. Underpaid assistant profs would laugh if they weren’t so bitter.

And then I cry, because I still owe an ass load of student loans for the privilege of learning how to deconstruct popular movies. Yes, Top Gun is gay but too bad it cost me 25k to understand why.

Gone Mild: Don't suck cock!

The link is about Avian Flu but, as a man, I find it's always a good idea to stay away from cock. Additionally, (lipstick) lesbians are hot . . . just in case you were wondering.

Time For a Change?

Will local blogger Brad leave KC? How else will I experience KC nightlife vicariously? And how will I know which shirts are stylish?

Looking for love

Local celebrity can be a bitch and quite lonely. Here are two examples:

Local lefty DJ Lazlo (or more likely somebody making fun of him) has taken out a personal ad on myspace.

And, to add insult to injury, the guys at 'The Big Dumb Fun Show' have found themselves a groupie. Click here for the NSFW photo . . . Right now it’s early in the morning and her pancake nipples are actually looking pretty good.

Man Follows Driver, Flashes Her From Car

I guess it’s true that dating in KC is a tough prospect. A guy puts himself “out there” and all he gets in return is scorn.

The “victim” says: “He's sick, disgusting. He needs to be caught and something happen.” She goes on: “You have a mental picture in your head forever, and you'll always remember it."

Now, I’m not a big fan of penis but it’s not that traumatizing. I’ve had a few women say similar things to me but only after I’ve paid them. Finally, most women need only to get in a conversation with their current boyfriend about previous sex partners in order to forget nearly every penis with which they’ve come in contact.

Road to Nowhere

Kansas City’s long history of corruption and mismanagement when it comes to building roads is infamous. True to form, local officials have already begun to mishandle new efforts to patch our pothole tattered streets. Apparently, Kansas City is short millions for upcoming roadwork.

Some of Kansas City’s biggest road projects need millions more dollars in funding, and city officials don’t yet know how they’re going to deal with the problem.

The latest projected shortfall totals $18.3 million in 2006-07 and balloons over five years to more than $75 million by 2010-2011.

Rather than blame greedy construction companies, incompetent planners or politicians who don’t read the fine print; local leaders are blaming the economy, the weather and everybody but themselves.

City officials offer a variety of explanations for the spike in costs. Many of the projects have been on the drawing boards for years. Original budgets may have been inaccurate to begin with and have become outdated over time, some say. Others say the project budgets did not build in cost inflation. And the recent boost in asphalt and oil prices also is taking a toll.

How many years has this city needed major road repair? We have the worst roads in the country and still our local leaders can’t undertake a very basic function of city government by providing essential infrastructure. People need to be held accountable for this complete lack of leadership. The entire City Council and Mayor “Condo” Kay have left the streets of KC in ruin during their tenure. They’ve been too busy developing luxury living spaces or posing for publicity photos next to dead little girls to take charge of a situation that affects the safety and livelihood of every citizen on the streets of this town.

And now, as always, it seems that the only solution to the problem is more money. Elected officials have led the people of KC down this path before . . . they’ve pleaded for money for (ineffective) schools, (ponzi scheme) stadiums and now the route has led to a dead end when it comes to maintaining the roads of this town. It’s no surprise that so many people have sped away from this mismanaged city and off to the suburbs. I only wonder how long they’ll endure the commute back and forth on the continually ragged streets.

Haskell Foundation embezzler kills self

White people just can’t seem to stop stealing from Native Americans. God Bless this guy, at least it’s clear that he felt guilty about it or at least feared the jail time. Either way, he showed some kind of remorse other than building a mini-mall on a Native American burial ground.

Project is just another word for experiment

Don’t be misled by happy news about public housing.

It wasn’t long ago that public housing in this major metro city was literally falling apart. Apartment buildings built in the 1940s and ’50s, some with plain gray facades and tiny, cell-like windows, were deteriorating. Neighborhoods plagued by crime began to resemble ghost towns as residents withdrew from the environment around them.

Over the past decade or so, those neighborhoods have been transformed. Years of creative financing, demolition and construction — combined with the hopeful vision of developers — have produced new models of public housing for low-income families.

Truth is, you can promote public housing any way you want but it’s just another form of welfare. Anybody living in a project, no matter how nice, should be as nervous as a whore in church. Sure, social service agencies and their contractors (read: welfare pimps) always go on and on about how wonderful this new one is . . . until about 18 to 24 months later when a series of shootings, drug deals or a serial murderer turns up.

The government, the man, whoever would be better off investing in subsided housing and helping people own their own property. Why? For this reason: If you don’t own it, you don’t care about it. I’ve been over the apartments of enough stoners to know this is true. People just don’t turn their countertop into a deluxe, retractable bong if they have a stake in the value of the property.

So I hope these new residents enjoy the few days of peace offered by brand new, expensive public housing. Because after the first murder it’ll be nothing more than just another “project” and not a place that most people would choose to reside.

Give 'Em Hell, Harry at Union Station, Theatre Review

This kind of theatrical tripe should turn off the very few people who frequent Union Station. I’d propose they use the place as a homeless shelter but I doubt that even worthless bums would stay long if this was the kind of fare they had to put up with.

Here is my rating of the play (which I haven’t seen)

Stars: 0
Effort: .5
Potential for increasing attendance at Union Station: 3 (on a scale of 1000)
References to war crimes committed by the beloved former resident of the Show-Me State: 1
Ghosts of massacred Japanese in the audience looking for background info on the man who sent them on the voyage to enlightenment: 2 (but one was there only because the star, Gary Neal Johnson is delightful)

A cup of awful

Dougs Digs is a great newish local blog. I’m a fan. His latest post on a new local coffee shop is remarkably insightful.

Not bad, very shiny, employees looked lost, pretentious business people on their laptops, flat screen tv (not joking), and the list goes on. This is how they describe it "Think VH1 meets Norman Rockwell. An old school, friendly Midwestern attitude with hip decor, engaging branding and a neighborhood hangout."

OK, whatever that means.

I know exactly what that means. Here goes: You work hard for a living, you’ve made it through graduate school, become a professional, maybe even killed your first wife in a complicated insurance scam. Don’t you owe it to yourself to overpay for coffee? God knows you don’t want any poor people near you, neither do we. That’s why we charge close to 5 DOLLARS for a fucking cup of coffee. While it may be likely that one of our wage slaves employees pissed in the espresso machine because your high-maintenance ass drove them crazy . . . it’ll just make our slop go down smooth. Because designer coffee isn’t about taste, it’s about price; pricing out minorities, poor people and just about everyone else that won’t pay for the luxury of having a new place to pose.

Life and Death

Read this autobiographical post from Death’s Door and then cry because of the pathos, eros and mythos and also because your life is nowhere near as interesting.

Midwest Anarchist Conference in KC

Stick it to the man with the help of local young men and women with parents who have to work for a living.

The conference sounds cool but let me suggest offering punch and pie in order to increase attendance. Anarchists love punch and pie.

Write like the wind

NaNoWriMo is quickly approaching. Local blogger Sirvinegar is only the second local scribe (that I know of) to announce plans to compose a novel in 30 days. Local blogger Bob revealed his plans to pen a book during November less than a week ago.

Good luck with the great American novel guys! I wish I could participate, if only I knew how to write. See, I only dictate this blog to an underfed monkey who transcribes all of my thoughts on recent news in KC. He wants to write the great American novel as well but I’ll be damned if my bananas are going to be used to fund his pipe dream.

What did you say, Chuckles? Put down that baseball bat! Type with both hands and put down the bat you stupid little monkey. Without me you’d still be in the fucking zoo, slinging shit all day! Don’t throw that at me . . .

Eek! Eek! I’m finally free from that fat, illiterate bastard. Now I must free my brothers and sisters from the cages of the hairless ones. The revolution is coming!

Damn, he’s waking up.

Honoring Local Hispanic Leaders

These series of profiles from Dos Mundos prove that not all Mexicans in this town are busy serving burritos. After reading the information, I’m not entirely convinced that’s a good thing.

Followup: Native American protest at Arrowhead

"As a native person, I'm not a mascot," one protester said.

Organizers said the protest was meant to educate others and they'd like the teams to drop the arrowheads, the feathers and the face paint.

College is a drag

In case you had doubts about the value of a college education, a recent article about a drag show at UMKC proves that University life is still good for sorting out all kinds of gender issues.

While changing into his colorful outfit, Benmuvhar explained the drag show approaches "gender awareness." He continued, "We are trying to break down the gender issue. We try to bring out that gender is society-enforced, whereas sex is the real thing."

Certainly, that’s a valuable use for thousands of federally funded dollars and years of savings from Mom and Dad. Last I heard, you could do the same thing at local gay club Missy B’s and forgo tuition in lieu of a two drink minimum. Reportedly, a good time was had by all at the show and there have been wonderful advances in cardiac treatment for the fathers of the young men that participated in the event.

Crossfire

When people ask why you should care about violence in KC, you might wanna mention this story:

Officers said Victor Garcia, 39, of Kansas City, was an innocent bystander when he was shot in the 400 block of South Denver Saturday morning.

It’s hard to yell, “But I’m not a Black person mindlessly participating in gun violence and subsequently leading to the destruction of my community and myself” in the middle of a rolling gun battle.

KC Increases Recycling Pickups

The citizens of this town recycle almost 2 million pounds of trash per month. Or roughly, the equivalent of one printing run of The Star’s Sunday edition.

Missouri mayors support Kyoto-type agreement

Certainly, we can conserve energy even if we can’t conserve bullets.

Revitalized

(That’s pie in the sky, in case you were wondering)

I think we’re all looking forward to the economic boom promised by downtown redevelopment. Certainly, there will be more people to rob and more storefronts to vandalize.

Still, we’re all waiting for Mayor Kay to wave her magic want (or broomstick) and turn downtown KC into the bustling metropolis that she has been promising. Obviously, there’s a long way to go if businesses “just one block away from police headquarters” aren’t safe.

What will it take to revitalize downtown KC? Well, Condo Kay is doing her best to move all of the minorities out. I guess a few chain stores and the arena football soon to be featured at the upcoming Spring Center might just do the trick. Or not. A few real estate speculators are wagering a half-million dollars a time on the outcome. I’m betting that rich will get richer and the poor will continue to kill, rob and brutalize one another. It’s a safe bet.

Overheard

Woman: So what would you do if you won the lottery?

Man: A lot of things I guess. Pay off my bills. Go on vacation.

Woman: With that much money, you wouldn’t do something good?

Man: Like what?

Woman: I don’t know. Maybe do something about this city’s murder rate.

Man: You mean move?

Woman: (To the waiter) Excuse me sir, this isn’t what I ordered.

Man: (Under his breath) Stupid bitch.

They all look alike to me

Have you seen this man? He’s wanted for robbing a bank and not realizing that grown men aren’t supposed to wear doo-rags. Seriously, this is a really clear photo; the dumbass should have just left his driver’s license at the scene. Actually, this looks like the guy who fixes my car. We’ll see who needs new brake lining now, dickhead!

Governor Blunt Disappointed with Abortion Decision

Damn, this guy really doesn’t like the state to provide any kind of free medical treatment.

(One more) TV Campaign Against Murder

Black people need to speak up and put all of the young men in their community in jail or at least call the cops on the Mexicans. Prosecutor Mike Sanders sells his scheme to lock up all the darkies with the help of distraught family members of dead victims of KC violence. This bid to court minority votes is nearly as greasy as his hair.

To All a Good Night

The holiday season is quickly approaching, and if the murder rate in KC holds steady, the best gift this year might be a bullet proof vest. Accordingly, The Star’s Steve Penn writes a sappy column begging KC’s murderers to “Turn the season of giving into the season of living.” Surely, that kind of naive, saccharine sentiment is enough to convince hardened criminals to put down their weapons. We all know that gun toting thugs first turn to the opinion pages of The Star before making their daily rounds.

Actually, the column urges yet another PR campaign directed at KC’s Black community. Penn accurately notes that “72 of the 101 murder victims have been black.” But we all know that another marketing campaign won’t make a difference. In fact, the most effective marketing campaign in the past 2000 years is about to make its yearly manifestation. Annually, the social pressure of the Christmas season and its inseparable synergy with American consumerism puts a squeeze on all of us.

All of television will soon be ordering us to buy, consume and celebrate . . . whether we like it or not. The holiday season is the time of year that makes those without money feel like losers. The rest of us invariably put ourselves into hock for the latest gadget produced in Southeast Asia or a silly toy that the media has burned into the pleasure centers of our children’s frontal lobes. Couple all of the holiday tension with rising home heating costs and you could have even more pissed off people on the streets of KC. Tension runs high during the holiday season and series of feel good commercials is only gonna piss off even more people . . . starting with me.

Local trade conference focuses on the gains of NAFTA

OR Just another story to fuel your hatred of Mexicans.

Chiefs Cheerleaders Variety Show '05

These local skanks are all about variety. Let’s see: There’s the blonde whore, then there’s the Black whore, the brunette whore, the Asian whore, the “thirty something and quickly losing her looks" whore and the all too popular “needs to drop 15 pounds” whore.

Thanatos

Ron Simonian was one of my heroes and it’s a little bit sad to learn that paying the bills has forced him to turn to stand-up. I guess this blog should probably have taught me that writing in KC doesn’t pay. Still, don’t let this peppy article disguise the fact that a great local writer is forced to tell dick jokes for his daily bread.

Dating in Kansas City

Or “Abandon all hope, all ye who enter here.”

One for the road

Local blogger Rusty reports on drinking souvenirs other than herpes.

Excuse me Ms

Local blogger Heidi gives us the rundown on pedestrian life in KC. Almost.

Chiefs Win

In what might have been the most boring game ever played the Chiefs pull out a victory as empty as pulling out of a chubby blonde bar skank. Seriously, the Native American guy in the photo above isn’t crying because of the genocide of his people or even the high prices of drinks at casinos but because that game was so ugly and tedious.

Governor Blunt Buys New Home

Baby Blunt paid 500K for a four bedroom, three-and-a-half bathroom house. The price tag isn’t very representative of the financial situation of most Missouri voters. But then gain, neither is Blunt.

God Hates Lions

The lions at the KC Zoo are sick not only because of a possible screw up by their handlers but also due to their wicked ways.

A former curator at the Kansas City Zoo on Friday defended the actions in the late 1990s that led to the zoo now having 10 lions with a feline virus.

Conrad Schmitt, now curator at the Naples Zoo at Caribbean Gardens in Florida, said three lions brought to the zoo in 1997 and 1998 initially tested negative for feline immunodeficiency virus, or FIV. But once they arrived at the zoo, and while still in quarantine, they inexplicably tested positive, Schmitt said.

Clearly, this is a sign that the lions should repent and turn to the Lord. I’ve seen the lions and they are lazy and godless as they do nothing but hang out all day and eat steak in their luxurious fur. The lions are such a swishy bunch, they growl and prance around their cages . . . pushing their audacious lifestyle right in my face! Well look who is laughing now? Surely, God has sent the lions this plague as retribution for their sins.

Shame on the KC Zoo for not teaching these lions about the benefits of abstinence; lions were once force fed Christianity (or at least Christians) and now federal funds can’t even be used to educate these felines about the Lord. And they call this progress? But luckily, now these sinful lions will be on display for all of KC to see the consequences of their lifestyle. A bunch of sickly lions may not be an enticing attraction for the KC Zoo but it could provide a valuable moral lesson.

Tony Victa!

They say that competition makes everybody better. That’s good news since I’m the best. Don’t think so? Looky here, it takes nearly half a dozen white guys to even try and beat me.

Now if only I could learn how to use spell check, I’d be really dangerous.

(Kidding. It’s really important what these white guys think about KC. I mean, if we didn’t have a forum for white men to express their opinion about the news of the day . . . where would we turn?)

KCPT’s Nick Haines doesn’t care about Black people

Since Kanye West accused Bush of not caring about Black people after the Hurricane Katrina debacle I’ve been sticking it to the man at nearly every opportunity. Lately, I’ve been going around accusing everyone of racial insensitivity. My sister won’t give me a ride to the grocery store: She doesn’t care about Black people. My Grandma won’t answer the phone in less than 17 rings: It’s because she doesn’t care about Black people. Some douchebag gives my girlfriend a dirty look at the movies: He doesn’t care about Black people.

Well, even a broken clock is right twice a day. And it turns out KCPT talk show host Nick Haines wonders why anybody should care about all of the murders east of Troost. Now, obviously this has nothing to do with the fact that KCPT is the voice of the local Black community as evidenced by their broadcast of Masterpiece Theater and the Antiques Road show. We all know how much those programs mean to minorities everywhere.

Surprisingly, this crass question from Haines makes me wonder why that limey bastard is even hosting a program about Kansas City. Unless I’m soon to get a TV show deal to talk about the Queen’s dirty britches it just doesn’t make sense. Does anybody believe that this bald, Eurotrash guy knows anything about the history or the people of this town? Maybe I’ve got this wrong, maybe his mom spread for some American GI’s during WWII and his Daddy is really from Waldo but I doubt it. Obviously, all Nick Haines really cares about is finding the hair that has abandoned his head and tap dancing for KC’s chattering class. And yet, I’m always surprised that anybody gives a fuck about what he thinks or bothers to tune into his boring, insignificant talk show.

The Star suits up

I have a suit, a couple actually. I use it for lying. If you see me wearing a suit, it means that somebody died or I’m somehow trying to manipulate you.

People who wear suits for a living know what I mean. After awhile, you put on the suit the same way a McDonald’s employee puts on the stupid baseball cap with the logo: they’re both nothing more than a uniform.

Similarly, working as a reporter for The Star in this one newspaper town is basically the equivalent of lying for a living. While The Star is the only major newspaper in town, its importance and circulation diminishes almost daily. Local TV reporters cover all of the daily news with great immediacy. Radio talk shows provide a better forum for analysis of the news. And now blogs have emerged to provide INDIVIDUALS a more significant platform with which to spout off. Like any good corporation, The Star and the tall Israelis who own it are trying to co-opt the blog platform. Amusingly, the content they provide is nothing more than the leftovers of the pages that are strewn across the city to line bird cages all over town.

Here is a roundup and a quick review of the latest blog offerings from The KC Star aka “What the gay, Jewish, liberal, elitist, politically correct, corporate media wants you to think is the truth.”

- Crime Scene KC: Keeping up with KC’s Black community and providing intense scrutiny of the adventures of McGruff the crime dog.

- TV Barn: Gay but still not as sassy as The Superficial.

- Unfettered Letters: Sure they’ll print a few more letters but I really doubt they’ll post all of the really spicy ones. You know, Lewis Diuguid’s hate-mail filled with racial epithets or the nude photos I keep sending Mary Sanchez.

- Faith matters: Written by Bill Tammeus who is nearly as old as God and obviously rapidly losing his mind. Only crazy people or those in the early stages of Alzheimer’s post that many nature pics. Do not go gently into that good night, Bill. Try using the word “cocksucker” in a post and it may rekindle your passion for journalism.

Anyway, these new offerings from The Star should encourage all of you bloggers that you’re on the cutting edge as the tall Israelis try to steal your cheese. For the moment, the suits at The Star are hard at work, quickly trying to convince the public that media corporations still own the news.

What's a good age to get married?

About five to seven years before you plan on getting divorced.

Gotta have Faith

One of the most useless organizations in KC is at a crossroads.

The Kansas City Interfaith Council is marking its independence from Vern Barnet's CRES organization with a Nov. 10 luncheon at the Marriott Muehlebach Hotel honoring the former Unitarian Universalist minister.

This organization is like a sewing circle of smiling faces that are so enamored with the fact that they are people of faith that they somehow forget that all of their respective religions have put them at odds with one another. I guess that’s a good thing but it still makes me queasy. Thankfully, one of God’s plagues is soon coming to sort everything out and finally answer who was right after all these years . . . or not.

Grand Jury Indicts Men In Shoe Theft

Two Kansas City, Kansas, men are indicted on federal charges for stealing a trailer filled with 5,500 pairs of Nikes in 2003.

People still wear Air Jordans?

Native Americans To Protest At Chiefs Game

I completely agree with this protest but I don’t think it’ll be very effective. The majority of the folks at the game are suburbanites that don’t mind wasting gas, hiding from minorities and mindlessly supporting an exploitative box store economy . . . I doubt that they care about disrespecting the memory of a nearly extinct people.

KC will open downtown stretch of Main

Because at night, the obstruction in the road prevents the tumble weeds from passing through.

More local bird flu worries

Local blogger Parrish posts more on this story.

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but with a bird. Thoughts from Kansas reports on Avian flu and impending doom.

By the way, I’m being hyperbolic. For some reason, I’m not that afraid of the bird flu coming to steal my cheese. I’m still more worried about the crackhead on the end of my block.

Police Chief Says Adolescents to Blame For All The Killing

Fox 4 News Reports: "Kansas City, Missouri Police Chief Jim Corwin told City Council members today that 17-to-24 year olds are to blame for most of the murders in Kansas City, MO, not just this year, but every year."

Nice. I guess we could kill them. But then again, they’re already doing a good job of killing themselves.

It’s nice to know that all of the media in KC is capturing Corwin blaming everybody but himself for the shameful murder rate in KC.

Pretty scary that our top cop is jumping behind children and school teachers in order to avoid taking the hit for this town’s catastrophe. Corwin’s tap dancing is providing a cowardly example that is neither inspiring nor representative of the majority of the KCPD.

City Hall makeover raises eyebrows

Sure, City Hall needs to be revamped. I know something old, decrepit and moldy that needs to be thrown out of that place. And maybe Kay Barnes will follow her vagina when it’s removed from City Hall.

FilmFest Kansas City

Guaranteed to make you cry. Not because of the emotional power of the movies but mostly because of the all the student loans you have to pay back after majoring in film in college.

Whole Wheat Blogger

The Whole Wheat Blogger posts all the conservative news you can handle without the nasty prospect of staring at Sean Hannity for an hour.

That Was Ugly

Insightful review of last night’s Cardinals game from local blogger DTS.

A whore is born

And the winner for most offensive blogger post title ever goes to Death’s Door. Damn this post is funny. Enjoy.

Study: KC-area gas costs 2.8% of salaries

Systematically waging war against nearly every one of the billions of Muslims on the planet in order to steal their gas: Priceless.

Study: Area housing market's overvaluation decreases

The bubble may not be bursting just yet. There’s still time to build more condos!

Corwin blames bad schools for murders

To accomplish Corwin's goal, Bolton said inner-city schools have to get better.

"The message we send to our young people is that we're willing to spend more money to incarcerate you than we'll spend to educate you," Bolton said.

And I rate this 7.5 for passing the buck. Good effort, lots of enthusiasm but ultimately far-fetched. I know that Latinos in KC have horrible dropout rates. Black people regularly outperform Latinos in terms of academics in KC. But sadly, they also overachieve when it comes to violent crimes and murders as well. Additionally, think of all the 3rd world countries that are comprised of nothing but poor people with no educational opportunities whatsoever and they still don’t kill each other at the rate achieved in this country.

This statement by Corwin is nothing more than a cheap attempt to take some of the burden of this problem off his shoulders. Nice try, but as KC’s Chief peacekeeper there’s no way you don’t share some of the blame. Besides, Corwin can’t do anything about the situation with KC schools. His mention of this fact is simply a ploy to make us believe that he is also powerless to prevent violence in KC. Sorry, but if Corwin can’t hack it, maybe somebody else can.

Bicyclist Seriously Injured In Collision With Car

Wasting gas saves lives. Unless we're talking about Iraqis.

100



We did it folks!!!

One hundred homicides this year and we’ve still got two months to go!

It’s amazing how far we’ve come. The year started with five murders right out of the gate, then we had an amazing summer with gunshots and gangsta rap beats syncing in perfect harmony.

There were times when I didn’t think we’d make it. But then a stupid fight over a lawn mower or a basketball game assured as all that KC really does have a killer instinct.

Meanwhile, Mayor Kay has managed to put out only one press release regarding KC’s bloody streets before she pretty much handed over everything to Councilman Alvin Brooks who is working on stopping bullets with candle wax.

I don’t know who should take the credit for this achievement. There are so many people to thank. Like I mentioned previously, this town’s gangsta rappers certainly deserve some kind of award for coming up with the soundtrack for the killings. The KCPD did their part by providing virtually no new ideas to encumber the process. But really everybody, whites, Blacks, Latinos, but mostly Black people worked to contribute to or tacitly tolerate the massacre on this city’s streets.

I would rather you just call me a prick

Recently, KC Crime Scene noticed me noticing him. True to form, The Star can’t just outright call me an asshole so he asked his readers to do it for him. In grade school, this could earn an even more horrific titty twister but I’m gonna let it slide because I know what it’s like to work for the man.

Apparently, The Star is soon to start promoting their blogs. But if you read blogs, you already know this, like most other things printed in The Star.

Homicide rate likely to keep increasing, KC police chief says

He may not be bright, motivated or ambitious. But at least our Police Chief is honest. I guess if this town as an aging divorcée with a few kids, saggy boobs and a house payment we would be more willing to settle. But I’m not any of those things and I’m surprised the reporter didn't ask, “So what the fuck are you gonna do about it, Chief?”

Welfare Pimps to the Rescue

If you meet enough poor people or crazy people you’ll eventually run into the term “Black Power Structure.” This is the name that disenfranchised whites (and a few politically active Latinos) have given to Black people who have garnered a little bit of power in the inner city. These Black people are professionals in local government and social services; in the eighties the followers of Ronald Reagan used to (not so secretly) call them “welfare pimps.”

Well, whatever their current name, the Black middle class was out in full force last night to support Superintendent Bernard Taylor and his six figure salary as he faced the ax and a very pissed off KCMO school board.

The speakers in support of Taylor included leaders of several black community groups and three current or former state legislators.

Taylor, who took leadership of the embattled district 4½ years ago, was surprised and heartened by the turnout.

“I really had no idea that many people would care about this,” Taylor said. “What I take away from tonight is that this has not been an easy road, but it has been, oh, so worth it.”

The Black professional class in KC takes good care of one another. Never mind that Taylor has an abysmal record, never mind that his administration is marked by not only low test scores by students in the KCMO School District but he has also failed to come up with any workable strategy for budget cuts. Additionally, his high rolling/condo dwelling lifestyle is simply an embarrassment to a district with teachers earning paltry wages.

The reign of Dr. Taylor has been an unmitigated train wreck. Still, the Black professional class in KC doesn’t want to lose one of their own. Surprisingly, they trumpet orgainzations like Freedom Inc. and NAACP as if those groups still mean something. But the heyday of those organizations is over and now they are almost universally recognized merely as lobbying groups that only serve to promote the careers and pocketbooks of their employees and not the Black community overall. Yeah, I’ll admit I’m not an expert on how Black people feel about the NAACP or Freedom Inc. but I’d like to see somebody defend their “moral authority” with a straight face.

Since the civil rights movement, both organizations have become more adept and running shakedowns for their own benefit rather than working for the overall good of their people. And the worst part of all of this is that the middle class Blacks rushing to Taylor’s defense don’t realize that they are unwittingly impairing the majority of poor Black kids who attend schools in the district. By encouraging Taylor’s mediocrity they are leaving the school district in the hands of an incapable administrator who has failed in every facet of his post. And even more disgustingly, they do this with the thinly veiled assertion that they are there to help the interests of Black people.

But you know what? I’m not Black so it’s really up the them. It’s their bad decision to make; just like gold teeth, expensive rims or those stupid pants that MC Hammer used to wear.

In all of this, the Latino community has abandoned all hope in the KCMO schools. Awhile ago, I spoke with a former school board member and she says that the public schools in KCMO “are not for us.” I looked at her bewildered and she explained, “I don’t think the problems can ever be fixed. As far as Latinos are concerned, we’re better off looking for other alternatives for the education of our children.” True enough, my parents worked, slaved and sweated so that I wouldn’t have to endure a failed system where politics and over-priced administrators are more important then the education of students.

Long Live the Corporation!

Here are two blog offerings from The Star that make me want to puke.

Crime Scene KC

TV Barn

Which is to say that I’ll read them but I won’t like it. I guess this is part of The Star’s push to participate in the world of blogging. Sadly, their content really doesn’t differ from the editorial stance that is cast upon this city every day at the cost of countless trees. And unique, outrageous, insightful and crackpot points of view are really what blogging is all about, the news is a commodity and it’s no surprise that The Star is well equipped to churn out stories to the public but a simple newsreader subscription can also do the same. Blogging is about granting power to individuals to share their feelings about the news. The blogs have comments so I’m gonna go leave a nasty one and see if they keep it up. I encourage you to do the same.

One Last Thing

I heard that murder number 99 happened sometime this morning. The details of the random shooting of some Black person will come out later. Maybe the local news will find somebody to weep on camera but if they can’t surely one of the next seemingly inevitable murders will provide some pathos worthy of broadcast.

Update: Hey, how about that? He's white! Way to break down stereotypes. Getting to 100 murders in KC is a team effort after all.

Tseng sings a sad song

The father of mom murderer Esmie Tseng speaks out in a statement released by his attorney.

“She Chinese, she play joke, she make . . .” Sorry, wrong statement.
Here it is:

“If my daughter is tried and penalized with hardened criminals and recidivists, she will be doomed,” Tao Tseng said in the statement. “I have already been deprived of my wife. I am afraid I will not survive the loss of my daughter, a more devastating blow.”

So there it is . . . all is forgiven I guess. However, I think the guy is underestimating his daughter. Clearly, she can handle herself with a knife. If she can get a hold of shiv on the inside, I bet she’ll do just fine in the joint.

Revelation

The Dead Sea Scrolls could soon be coming to Union Station.

Union Station officials are negotiating to bring a traveling exhibit of the Dead Sea Scrolls to Kansas City.

So you’ll finally have the chance to see the true last verse of the Bible: “And the lamb broke the final seal and thus he spake: 'Damn, I’m just kidding. Can't you people stop taking everything so literally? You guys are gonna get me killed.'”

Alibi

I was nowhere near Overland Park last Tuesday and I’m not that pushy on a first date. Now if I’m buying movie tickets . . . that’s a different story.

P.ublic B.roadcast S.nitches

The plan to put more Black people in jail devised by prosecuting attorney Mike Sanders is already underway. KCPT recently produced a series of “pro-snitching” commercials that will be broadcast across the metro. Because I’m guessing that not too many murderous thugs watch public television, even with the addition of Tavis Smiley.

The public service announcements for television, radio and print media that took shape Tuesday are part of Jackson County Prosecutor Mike Sanders’ five-point plan to fight the city’s escalating murder rate.

Uncooperative witnesses are a big reason Kansas City police have solved just 47 of this year’s 98 murders, Sanders said, and the murderers remain free to kill again. The situation has gotten so bad that some youths wear shirts that say, “Don’t snitch.”

Okay, I guess that crying Black people broadcast all over local media will end this plague of violence. I don’t know how, this schmaltzy idea makes me want to shoot somebody. The first series of ads will feature the family of the victims of Terry Blair. I guess their appearance should get across the point that public needs to take responsibility for curbing the crime rate even if the stars of the TV spots couldn’t get their loved ones off the street selling ass for crack money.

Battle of the caricatures

There is a lot on the line Sunday. The Redskins are looking to bounce back after a disappointing loss and the Chiefs desperately need to con their fans into thinking that this team is anything but a collection of mediocre thugs. Also, this hokey article from The Star notes that there might be some kind of rivalry between Sprint/Nextel/whatever offices in D.C. and the Sprint office in Overland Park (Don’t think for a second that I would think of those nasty suburbanites as people from KC). Ironically, the real winners working for Sprint/Nextel are the Indians on the other side of the globe who now benefit from the rampant outsourcing by the telcom industry.



Anyway, I remember a long time ago the same match-up was in KC and my Mom protested with a few angry Native Americans. Hard to believe that in this day and age there is still an organization called the “Redskins.” The spectacle of a bunch of white people turning out to watch a bunch of Black people play football wearing uniforms mocking a nearly lost civilization of brown (not red) people is actually kind of ironic. Don’tcha think? My prediction: The rich white guys who own the teams will be the only winners come Sunday. The rest of you people need to stop playing, watching and financing silly games.

Killer Game

Originally linked on KC website Fazed, this game is killing all of my spare time. Seriously, if you have any pent up aggression this game will take care of it. The concept of the game consists of nothing more than killing everything in sight and collecting ammunition. I imagine that this is what life might be like if I lived on the East side, only with better music.

Your story has become tiresome

Local prosecuting attorney and Dieter from Sprockets look-alike Mike Sanders has confirmed that he too has political ambitions with his (too little, too late) plan for addressing the murder rate in KC.

Here are his proposed solutions along with the reasons why they won’t work:

■ Hunt for more fugitives by teaming officers from some suburbs with Kansas City police and Jackson County sheriff’s deputies. When in doubt, throw all the Black people you can find into prison. The voters like this and don’t realize that prison is basically a “college” for thugs. Criminals come out more brazen, diseased, more ruthless, unwilling to go back even if it means killing a few more people and with a vast amount of criminal knowledge and connections garnered in the joint.

■ Allocate up to $50,000 to pay Kansas City detectives overtime and/or hire retired detectives. Paying the cops more is never a bad idea for somebody who wants to run for office. Cop and firefighter unions turn out to vote with nearly as great a force as they apply to old ladies that refuse to obey.

■ Have the County Drug Task Force concentrate more on street-level dealers and less on national or international cases. Again, more Black people in jail means more votes! Surely, it’s good to punish any kind of entrepreneurial spirit. We know that open, decriminalized drug markets in Europe don’t present a great threat of violence at all. The KCPD has already stated that this rash of violence has nothing to do with any kind of drug war. But, I guess that Black or brown people making easy money should be punishable by jail time. Thank God there aren’t many minority bond traders or that would probably be outlawed as well.

■ Eliminate a Jackson County jail matrix that releases prisoners after the jail reaches a capacity of 800. Finally, in case you missed it, one more time for the cheap seats: More minorities in jail = The good.

■ Start a public relations campaign to persuade witnesses to violent crimes to help police. Because who wouldn’t want all the young males in their community shipped off to cages? When will white people understand that nobody likes a sellout? Sadly, it’s the same lesson we’re not learning in Iraq.

This is yet another stupid, useless idea in an ongoing series. Sanders' plan consists of nothing more than political payoffs and archaic, racist maneuvers. Clearly, Sanders only wants a future in politics and not a workable strategy. And regarding his political career: I don’t know homeboy, I’m not sure how this part of the country will warm up to a lipstick wearing tough guy.

Never mind that other communities have reduced violent crime and murders by going after criminals in possession of illegal firearms (not gun control silly) and reducing the enforcement of drug laws. (find the sources yourself ya lazy fuckers and think Europe, ya racist bastards) Still, “throw all the Black people in jail” is a strategy that seems like it emanates from somebody like William Bennett and it won’t work because that’s the plan we’ve been following last time I checked. This plan doesn’t address quality of life in KC’s violent areas at all; even the Romans knew that maintaining order in any society was dependent on providing a decent standard of living. (Bread and games fool) Undoubtedly, this is a plan from a guy who has great doubts about his masculinity and wants to come off looking butch.

Yep, I could expand on all of those points but I won’t because now is the time on Sprockets when we dance!!!

Space Heaters May Help Save On Energy Costs

A few poor people will burn themselves to death with these things in the coming months. The manufacturers will be able to blame it on faulty home wiring but I’ve used a space heater before and I’ve given it the nickname: “The pre-emptive cremation device.”

It’s gonna be cold this winter KC and it’s gonna cost a hell of a lot to heat your homes. Don’t blame me, I voted for Saddam.

KCK Residents Upset About Car Thefts

Police records show that in the area where Caton lives -- from State Avenue to the Missouri River and from 55th Street to 94th Street -- 33 vehicles were stolen in the third quarter this year.

Don’t worry. I’m sure that rising gas prices will thwart future car thefts far better than the cops.

First Lady To Visit KC School

It’s important that American kids are well educated before they are shipped off to lose limbs or be killed in Iraq. That’s what generational commitment means, ya know?

FBI Shows Off Cyber Crime Lab In KC

This is where the FBI protects pre-pubescent girls and the RIAA. J. Edgar Hoover would be proud, if he wasn’t so busy dressing up like a little girl and having sex with Clyde Tolson in the afterlife.

Bad day at school

We all know that pimping isn’t easy but apparently, teaching isn’t either. Local blogger Joe reports from the trenches as he tries to teach the kids of the KCMO school district a thing or two.

Professional Building

KC Downtown development is back with a photo and some background on the Professional Building which will soon be converted into luxury downtown living so that residents will be haunted by the ghosts of hard working white men that hate their “alternative” (read: gay) lifestyle.

MetroGreen ride

Because if you’re a grown man riding a bicycle, you don’t really need your penis to work.

Form a Commission, Problem Solved

Daily KC pens a great editorial questioning the timing and effectiveness of the anti-violence commission established by Condo Kay Barnes.

Apparently, the poor citizens of KC only get half assed PR gestures from Mayor Kay because she’s using her whole ass to service the condo/loft dwellers.

The world travels of local blogger Brad

I once revealed to a friend of mine that I studied the violin when I was younger. He told me, “Yeah, well all I learned to play was the God damn spoons!”

Read this post about local blogger Brad in New York and you’ll understand what I mean. Lots of great photos of Brad living it up in Manhattan surrounded by hot bitches and skyscrapers whereas I spent most of last week under a lawnmower.

Bumper Sticker Mentality

This hilarious post by local blogger Bob provides a run down on all of the popular bumper stickers.

I find it’s very informative to learn about the political beliefs of drivers right before I rear end them and embroil them in an insurance scam.

Lost and found

Many thanks for all the people who leave comments. I had a couple of problems with Haloscan. Basically, I either lost my password or they did. So I’m switching to Blogger comments. It should still look the same and won’t change much. It’s easier and Blogger seems to have cleaned up the spam. I like the little avatar images they use as well. Enjoy.

Burn KC Burn!

The hot summer continues into the fall as KC faces a series of suspected arsons.

Police are releasing more details on a half dozen arson fires set within a few blocks of each other.

The fires stretched along five blocks of Independence Avenue from Chestnut to Elmwood Sunday night.

The locations included a daycare, a grocery store and an apartment complex.

And people say there’s nothing to do in this town. Obviously, KC has a bunch of hotspots where inner city nightlife is killer. Only boring people are bored.

Murder Rate Inching Closer to 100

A shooting victim found in the doorway of his own apartment is the city’s latest murder.

The killing brings the city's homicide rate to 98.

Completely unacceptable. Didn’t KC murderers get the memo that they are supposed to wait 90 days for Condo Kay’s crime commission to report back before we can get to work addressing all of the killing in KC? Geez, some people (especially murderers) have no respect for bureaucracy.

Book "Beloved" Subject of Ban Controversy

They don’t like Black people, so why should they like Black authors in the suburban school district? Still, this makes me think of our poor KCMO schools, where we’d be happy if the kids could read anything . . . even if it was full of graphic and adult content.

Party all the time

Local blog “Happy in Bag” files this review of the The Pitch’s 25th anniversary party.

But it’s just another gig for these folks- they feel little emotional bond with the paper, which is now owned by a Phoenix corporation.

A wise person once said that you’ve got to know your past if you want to know your future. But that dumbass wasn’t trying to get a better gig in advertising and move up the corporate ladder.

KC Nightmare

KCTV 5 reports that a local group of community volunteers are putting together a haunted house that scares patrons for a good cause.

Visitors will be led through different rooms showing the top five killers of young people today, including drinking and driving, murder and drug abuse.

The project is called KC Nightmare and surprisingly it probably doesn’t feature any scary sequences dealing with pissed off, gun wielding minorities powered by Hip-hop beats and malt liquor.

Additionally, I’m not sure if the haunted house has a room of bar skanks and their emotional problems . . . picture a few dozen women in heavy make-up with daddy issues (and a buzz) looking for Mr. Right. Ugh, gives me the creeps just thinking about it.

High demand fuels pharmacy grads’ prescription for success

OR Just another reason to be bummed out that you got your degree in the Humanities.

OR Pharmacy grads have job security . . . but simply adding water will earn them a fortune.

OR Young Pharmacists learn that most of their neighbors have the clap.

OR Only White drug pushers are allowed to make a profit.

Martial Arts School to Offer Free Anti-abduction Training for Children

I’m volunteering for this event. I figure if I bust up these cute little white kids pretty good they’ll be too ugly for anybody to want to abduct.

By the way, I took Karate as a kid and the only thing it really teaches you is how to humbly admit to your parents that you don’t wanna take Karate anymore.

Commerce seeks TIF money for $24M office renovation

“For my (tax) money, it’s Commerce.”

Realize now that your ATM surcharge could be going to a nice new corner office that is pretty much tax free. Then don’t forget to breathe.