This is my last post of 2005. Thank you so much for reading and the few people who were goodly or pissed off enough to comment. As always I want you to have a fun and safe time tonight. Here's the number to Holiday Cab. If you get drunk and don't have a ride, please use it. I'd like to have you around next year to ridicule.
All the best to you and yours in the New Year. God Bless.
Instead of doing one of those year end lists, I'd like to pose this question to anybody who is willing to answer it.
Will Black people in Kansas City stop killing each other next year?
Mind you, this question hasn't been asked by many local media people, local politicians or city officials. The fact that this city's shameful murder rate is mostly Black has been only briefly acknowledged and then explained away.
This year the murder rate has been blamed on a lack of civility, lack of respect, availability of fire arms, rap music and every other kind of vice that is similarly available in other communities where the murder rate isn't nearly as high.
Throughout the year, there have been prayer vigils, candlelight vigils, press conferences and a pointless crime commission that hasn't made one declarative statement as the body count continues to increase.
Jackson County Prosecutor Mike Sanders wants to lock all of the Black people up before they can kill each other but even that isn't really a new idea considering that our prisons are already filled to the brim with Black people. What he has come up with is a brand new shiny, happy PR campaign that proclaims: "The silence is killing us." Yet the tagline refers to encouraging snitching and making sellouts and rats out of people in high crime areas. It's a good plan but honestly, I don't think anybody really expects a few poorly produced ads to do much good.
Ironically, local loudmouth Alonzo Washington came up with the only slogan even close to speaking to the Black Community (I guess) in the vernacular that was appropriate to counter the anti-snitching phenomenon profiled in The Pitch. "Snitch to get rich" was actually pretty clever for being the only effort to honestly deal with local violence from within the Black community.
As the year came to a close PBS poster boy Nick Haines asked if this problem even effects the non-Black people in this city. It's a mean question but if you were to receive an honest answer from most people they would say: No it doesn't really matter how many Black people kill each other as long as they only kill each other.
In fact, the issue is so easily skirted that both Country Club Kay and KCPD Chief Tom Corwin have managed to duck the issue that by all rights should rest on their shoulders. Kay passed the buck on to Alvin Brooks and Corwin stupidly blamed bad schools. For the most part, they got away with these answers.
So the question remains. It's a question (based in generalities/stereotypes but also stats) that only a crackpot, jokey, blog author could get away with asking but I think it's important if only because it's an honest query that nearly everyone in this town seems to overlook because of the frightening implications and insensitive nature.
There has recently been a reported break in the string of home invasions in Merriam. Hopefully, this case will soon be solved and the good people of that suburb can get back to robbing KCMO by commuting and rooting for the Chiefs in peace.
Update: They have made an arrest in the case. However, you're still advised to be very afraid of Black people.
- Home invasions in Merriam use garage doors. The Star gives tips to prevent robbery but won't provide a description of the suspects. For the moment, just blame Mexicans to ease your mind.
- Homer's Coffee House holding a holiday benefit for KC's homeless. Can I call it that when I throw my coffee at the homeless bastards in my way? Hope so.
- Missouri farmers get a tax break. Apparently, white people who live on dirt are much more honorable than minorities who are as poor as dirt.
- The Star reports that a second Wyandotte County parent has filed a federal civil rights lawsuit after her child allegedly was told not to speak Spanish in school. Mexicans overcrowd legal system just like their houses, cars and this country.
- Jackson County to spend $950,000 on animal programs. No word on plans to neuter Katheryn Shields since that bitch is obviously in heat to spend county money.
KC Star Registration sucks and you should complain about it.
Like most Presidents this hotel wasted a lot of time, money and toil on a project that won't likely benefit you in the least.
Move Up, the most worthless political group in the city, wants you to refrain from firing weapons into the air as the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve.
And frankly, that seems like an effort to take the fun out of the holiday. I mean you might as well ban unprotected sex or trusting random strangers. This ritual is a time honored KC tradition in which poor, stupid and irresponsible people of all races, religions and backgrounds are united in putting their lives (and their neighbors) in jeopardy.
Really, this is just yet another stupid press conference by this group that accomplishes little but securing funding and keeping their name in the local media. Very rarely is somebody killed by the New Year's Eve celebratory gunfire; more often somebody dies in this town when a few local thugs get bored.
The fact that they would tie this tradition of dumbass New Year's Eve shooting into the air with the (mostly Black) murder rate is a clear indication of how out of touch they have become not only with their own community but also with reality in general. (And the fact that the local media didn't press them on this QUESTIONABLE connection, is even more proof that this town's MSM is comprised of nothing more than spokesmodels that "either don't know, don't show or don't care what's going on in the hood." Haha! That's a line from Boyz in the Hood, the worst movie to ever inspire widespread gang violence and cause me to waste the years of 18-22 in my life.)
See kids, inhaling too much candle wax leads to holding meaningless press conferences. The more you know . . .
The Star is still after the names of lawyers who lent money to former Kansas City Municipal Court Judge Deborah Neal.
Actually, this list is the most coveted thing in the city because you can connect the dots between local lawyers, politicos and city officials until nearly everybody involved in city politics looks dirty.
While the rest of us just assume as much.
Here is a list of 14 things accomplished by the Missouri Department of Natural Resources at the request of this state's favorite spoiled brat. Washing his car and ass isn't on the list because it's mandatory for all State Employees and not a special request.
Recently, a southeast Missouri teenager was shot to death by a hit man paid in cash and crack cocaine to kill the teen. Sadly, like every other kind of national trend, gangsta violence and crack killings finally hit the rural areas of this state long after the popularity of these activities wanes in more trendy areas. I'll guarantee that somebody involved in this story was sporting a high top fade.
- "Men look at manly things, women look at chick stuff." Pervs and malcontents look at TKC, and I love you for it.
- "you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but she'll still be a whore" Another fantastic installment of "sweatin the small stuff" from local blog Death's Door.
- "Burn Ass, not Gas" This haiku from The Superficial Plaza Chick is not nearly as dirty as I thought it would be, but still funny.
- "Choking Chickens and Pulling Hoses" Again, local bloggers are teases because this post is actually about what might be the new location of Stroud's.
- The last of the end of the year lists from a local blogger. Sirvinegar caps off the year with his thoughts about some pretty great movies.
- A great post from this newbie local blogger pondering the consequences of a local drunk driving accident.
- Attorney General Jay Nixon's office collected a record amount of worker's comp penalty payments. Or, vicodin junkie says "what about my bennies?"
- Shoe the children; meaning put shoes on their feet and not kick them. KC Sheraton manager returns to the area after taking part in the largest donation of shoes in the history of a shoe drive to benefit orphans.
- Missourians and residents of other states received more than $3.4 million in 2005 through mediation by Attorney General Jay Nixon's Consumer Protection Division. Which is so much more than you would have gotten if you'd just pulled out your pistol like you thought about doing in the first place. Stop the violence!
- KC area sets housing permits record. Developers plan to put "greater fool theory" to the test in the upcoming year.
- Bird flu won't suppress your appetite for chicken. Sneezing birds just need more hot sauce to make them all better.
- "You are #2!" I've been telling Baby Boomers this for the last ten years of my life.
- "The best way to fight higher taxes is by ensuring that the State of Missouri lives within its means." And other pipe dreams that won't happen this year. Want to help out the Show-Me state? Stop voting for Opie Taylor looking white guys like this State Senator who wants to cut your Grandma's benefits.
- VFW donates $100,000 to memorial for disabled Veterans. Which is nice, but I'm sure they'd just rather have the money or a decent explanation regarding Dick Cheney's stock options.
- KCPD officer hurt in the line of duty yesterday.
- Woman assaulted with phone is out of the hospital and onto a life of ridicule. On the other hand, just about any guy she dates will seem nicer than her last boyfriend.
Yeah, but look at what great progress we're making on the PR campaign to stop the violence.
Talk about blaming the victim . . . if my thug life radar is still working. I'm sure the assailant is either dead, in jail or dating a fat white woman by now. And all of these fates I'm sure somehow of offering punishment enough.
A great post from Death's Door. The spot currently occupied by the Old Chelsea is now office space . . . and they call it progress.
Of ignorant white people that thought moving away from all the darkies would keep them safe.
Or . . It's a shame you had to move all the way out there and pay for an expensive house just to run and lock the doors when a car full of Black people passes by . . . you could have done that for much cheaper in my neighborhood.
P.S. - The best advice the cops in Merriam can give you: "Once again I'm saying, close your garage door." OR Health benefits for suburban cops entail not even being able to catch a cold.
A while ago I let you know how I feel about the utterly ghey art of Capoeira.
My feelings haven't change just because of a nice PR article in The Star celebrating the opening of a new glorified dance academy for a local Capoeira troupe in KCK.
Capoeira is still completely ghey. In fact, Capoeira is more ghey than getting high on X, dancing at a rave and having unprotected sex with several anonymous partners. Why? Because at least a previous activity mentioned doesn't involve a bunch of white Midwesterners ripping off the culture of various brown people and going into contortions in order to pat themselves on the back while doing so.
*For the record, I've never tried either of the activities mentioned in this post. Mainly because I'm heterosexual but also because I don't work out enough and I look like a gorilla with my shirt off.
Steve Penn could be the worst columnist in Kansas City. Not because he's an ass, Jack Cashill has the market cornered on that niche. Not because his writing is lazy and amateurish like that of Jason Whitlock. Not because his politics are reactionary and outdated like Lewis Diuguid. And not because he is completely out of touch with his community . . . Mary Sanchez fills out that role much better than her latest business suit.
No, Steve Penn is a horrible columnist because he knows the deal but he's too afraid to write what he knows to be true. The monolithic Black vote in this town controls a few things in this town, rather than just stating the fact he just writes love letters to local Black politicos. Violence in KC is a Black problem and it's literally killing that community, but Penn has went along with useless PR programs to cover the asses of politicians who can't/won't do anything substantial to solve the problem.
I know that Steve Penn knows that these things are basically true. Every now and then he drops a hint to how much he really knows and won't write. This is why he's a horrible columnist. Here's the latest sample of his trigger shy writing today in an article examining the upcoming Mayoral Race:
Since Brooks threw his hat in the ring, the buzz on the street and in political circles is that he is the front-runner (for mayor) for now. However, it's very early in the race, and there undoubtedly will be many twists and turns to come.Why is this cowardice? Because everybody within smelling distance of City Hall knows that Brooks has more dirt on him than Precious Doe in her present condition.
Today, The Star is running a really morbid piece about dead people. Since death is probably the primary topic on the mind of their elderly subscriber base I guess it's just good business. But the thing reads like a very sappy obituary . . . on the front page no less . . . at least The Star is starting to get realistic about the reasons most people read their rag.
It's touching that they added some minority stories to the list since very often The Star only portrays the darkies in this town as the perpetrators of violence and death.
Anyway, if you weren't bummed out today . . . pick up a copy of The Star and commiserate with them as they ring the death bell for the people of this town and their ad revenues. Additionally, the article reminded me of that shitty Boyz II Men song "It's so hard to say goodbye" that was really popular when I was in High School. I once had a bad dream that I was mistakenly put in "white people Heaven" and all of the celebrities mentioned in that song were there as well. They made me fix them tacos before they eventually "deported" me.
Yeah, better to pay them up front rather than have them "supplement" their income and wind up in a community of lofts, condos and other pipe dreams that won't help out anybody but real estate developers.
"The Kansas City school board hired an interim administrator (for $6,500 a week) to help with staff and financial management as it prepares to hire a new superintendent."
This is actually a bit unfair. They should have just given the janitor a raise to clean out the last bunch of failures.
Kansas City will soon be home to a monument to American consumerism other than I-35 South. Construction began last week on the Advertising Icon Museum, which is scheduled to open in September 2007 as part of a $100 million mixed-use development.
The Advertising Icon Museum, founded by Robert Bernstein, will be located on the west side of the historic Country Club Plaza in Kansas City. Bernstein (Tall Israeli) is the founder of KC based ad agency Bernstein-Rein where he not only invented the Happy Meal for McDonald's in 1976 but also created a business that could transform a woman who majored in Marketing at KU into a complete whore in less than two years.
Actually, a museum is a great place for most advertising nowadays considering that a growing number of people are able to zap though it and the remaining chumps are too poor to buy anything. Anymore, the only thing that modern advertising is good for is making teenage girls puke because they feel too fat and showing all the poor people in this country the lifestyle they'll never attain without murdering people or some small portion of their soul.
Yeah, it'd be nice to get some extra time. Like maybe 9 months. Just enough time to produce something worthwhile without getting cut to shreds.
A man accused of shoving a cell phone down a woman's throat recently surrendered to the police. Of course, justice won't be served until this dumbass is publicly beaten to death on Oprah. Sadly, I'm sure that a fairly long prison sentence will ensure that this guy learns what it feels like to be a woman.
Keep waiting for KC's redevelopment to pay off. Keep waiting until Country Club Kay gets out of office, finds a new higher paying gig and then laughs all the way to the bank.
Recommended reading:
"Waiting for Godot" - Yeah, think on Samuel Beckett's bitter absurdist satire while construction companies collect even more tax breaks.
The money will go to train local RN's. While I thought that the funds could be used to provide info on triage techniques for health care professionals since KC's streets continually look like a war zone.
While my faith in the human race (or at least white people) continually declines.
Missouri Judge plays wet nurse to booze hound and demonstrates that the side effects of alcoholism include liver damage, decreased amount of brain cells and loss of freedom.
KCK thugs are a busy bunch during the end of the year. They don't even have time to get out of the car to shoot.
"The men were described as black men wearing hooded sweatshirts. The man with the gun was described as 5 feet 4 inches and about 145 pounds."
Now eat all your chicken, guy. So one day you can grow up big and strong and pull off a real robbery.
Racist jokes go in the comments section. Or not, has Kwanza taught you nothing?
The end result of hundreds of millions of dollars of tax breaks is this PR story. It probably would have been cheaper for the city to just light the thing themselves rather than hand out millions in corporate welfare so that people who can afford to stay in luxury hotels can feel better about this city.
Expect it to be returned as gas prices inevitably increase again.
Actually, it costs about 100k for a Jeep . . . not a bad price for freedom, I guess. Who knew that the fate of Democracy in the Middle-East and the Iraqi people was dependent on the revenues of American military contractors?
They love cold weather and live off the mistakes of local voters . . . much like Condo Kay Barnes only she's nowhere near as cuddly.
Doug Patterson has been the talk of the local blogosphere lately. First of all, local blogger Cara displays his nonsensical holiday greeting. Additionally, Topeka blogger J.D. notes that on two occasions within a week (the JoCo Republican leader has proven himself) to be dumber than a sack of hammers . . . Strange, because I do that several times a day on this page. I'm telling you, Mexicans work just as hard if not harder than Republicans and they still want us out of the country.
Bravo to the MU professor. But where in the hell was he when I was trying to figure out how to afford weed and enough Top Ramen to feed me until my next student aid check arrived?
Shooting at the Hideout Club. Police still searching for the gunman despite the promising name of the bar at the center of the disturbance. Narf.
Is this why the coach has been crying so much lately?
How will KC address his increasing senility?
Depends.
Finally, federal money gets spent where it will help the most! Apparently, fine dining and art geeks were in desperate need of cash.
KC Infozine reports: "Over 200 adventurous souls will plunge into the chilly waters of Shawnee Mission Park Lake"
Proving once again that white people will do anything to avoid living near minorities.
Clearly, 50 Cent has proven that getting shot for a record deal is a far more lucrative endeavor.
P.S. -"In 2001, Hispanics made up 10.5 percent of active-duty Army recruits. This year they constituted 13.2 percent of active-duty recruits, according to Army statistics. That is slightly higher than their share of the U.S. population, 12.5 percent."
"The 300-acre resort project, proposed by Schlitterbahn Waterworks of New Braunfels, Texas, will be moving forward. Design work is expected to begin next year, with the resort scheduled to open in 2009."
This is exciting news not only because it means that WyCo will get the closest thing to a bath in years but also because running water was just introduced to many residents of the Kansas County not so many years ago.
The unimpressive list of businesses involved in the forthcoming P&L District probably won't do much to revive downtown. And I can't see how any of the slave labor required to run the establishments is going to change anybody's life that dramatically.
Here's the few companies who have confirmed their place in Country Club Kay's Master Plan:
Houlihan's Restaurant Inc
Gimme Sum Fresh Asian Grill
AMC Entertainment
Cosentino Food Stores
Sprint Nextel Corp
Not exactly ground breaking fare.
Additionally, there's one question about the P&L District that no one has bothered to answer: Why would anybody brave the commute to visit the same old boring places that they can frequent at the mall?
Does anybody believe that tractor pulls and arena football at the upcoming Sprint Center is going to sustain this speculative streak of development? When is this ponzi scheme finally going to implode? Who is going to be the greatest fool to purchase an overpriced condo in order to overlook a few chubby Midwesterners pouring down imported beer?
And the much hyped downtown grocery store Cosentino's? Good luck. All I can say is that you should probably be sure to stay away from the sausage grinder if you hear that somebody named Joey with a last name full of vowels goes missing.
Already it's clear that there isn't going to be much local flavor to the P&L district. Today's report from The Star notes that the rents are too high for local joints. From the list of current clients it seems like a strictly generic chain store affair. And like I noted earlier, I don't know why anybody would leave the suburbs to look at the same stores next to their house.
See, I've been though this before. The Town Pavilion Shopping Center was supposed to usher in a new era of downtown merchants and business. It was a good plan that never worked because KC has yet to confront a problem that defines the past 40 years of history in this town. Nobody likes to be around poor Black people in Kansas City. Even Black people with two nickels to rub together move away from predominantly Black neighborhoods in this town when given the opportunity. And the P&L District won't have the defenses of distance and "enthusiastic" police forces that protect the suburban shopping centers. Until people confront this issue head on, every development in this city will be made in the shadow of this town's racism. For the moment we're still running in circles and calling it commuting.
But the main problem with the P&L District is one that is present in all our lives.
Most of our plans are doomed to fail.
Look around, look at the people you know and their lives. Their marriages, their careers, their dreams and aspirations simply didn't pan out. It's called life. The safe bet is that most plans will fail. You settled when you got married and so did your wife, but a multi-million dollar effort based on fake football, hot wings and bad movies is supposed to usher in a new era of prosperity in this town? And whether it is American occupation in Iraq or corporate occupation of KC's downtown both are simply temporary circumstances that will ultimately end with an embarrassing withdrawal no matter how many communities, lives, limbs or money must be sacrificed in the process.
It's time to ring in the New Year! You know, the holiday where you pretty much guarantee that you'll repeat the same mistakes again. Look on the bright side, at least those mistakes haven't killed you . . . yet.
Well, this year an overpriced New Year's Eve Party returns to Union Station. The celebration lost money in 2003 but now it's back with the help of Bank of America and all of the poor people who had their homes foreclosed.
Fees for the event will cost more than a hooker and a bottle of booze and it'll probably be just as lonely. However, at least after attending the Union Station party, your first order of business for the New Year won't be a visit to the clinic.
Take a look at propaganda from the white people who just happened to win WWII. Notice how it's eerily similar to the white people on the losing side.
*Note: Germans are cool. Kurt Vonnegut said it best: "They are the only white people who like to fight other white people."
The Just off Broadway Theater Association and the several theater companies that comprise the group are looking to raise money in hopes of establishing a place to perform. A fire started by a homeless bum damaged their previous digs and apparently it's much harder for homosexuals to perform in this city's parks during the cold winter months. However, I wouldn't know much about theater in KC because my idea of a great live show involves a donkey and a woman who has reached rock bottom.
"Officials defend mailings that duplicate statements to mortgage companies"
One more reason it pays not to own a home in this city. Apparently quite a few people freaked when they didn't know where they would come up with even more money to fund luxury loft development and sweetheart deals for local sports franchises. Don't worry, it was just yet another screw up by the county. Strangely, you'd think that having the best local government that money can buy would be a good thing.
The fat kids of Johnson County spent the last nice day of the year inside playing video games at the library. There is a passage in the article which claims that video games supposedly improve problem solving skills and promote critical thinking. I guess that's true if you count figuring out the location of the Doritos as a test of intelligence.
Actually, video games probably are helpful to future generations. These kids might someday be called upon to bomb brown people by remote in order to ensure that even more American kids can be overindulged. Video games are helpful in desensitizing kids to the violence required to maintain suburban lifestyles.
The story of a local FBI couple about to retire clearly illustrates exactly how white The Star is . . . because only white people could write about FBI agents in such glowing terms. Most minorities simply want to stay as far away from the letters F-B-I as possible. Hell, I don't even like Alpha-Bits simply because they remind me of the various government organizations created to keep me in line.
Apparently, this white rap on SNL is all the rage among hipsters across the nation. It's a pretty good example of white people celebrating white culture while ripping off Black people. Happy Kwanza.
Today's word is Ujima
Ujima: (oo-GEE-mah) Collective Work and Responsibility reminds us of our obligation to the past, present and future, and that we have a role to play in the community, society, and world.
Link "reappropriated" from Kottke.
P.S. - The white man is the devil.
Today, The Star decides to sing the praises of women left behind as their husbands fight in Iraq. The article blithely paints a noble picture of these women:
Such is the wartime lot of the military spouse, whose address usually is where the parades end and real life begins.And this is just a fucking lie and has nothing to do with "real" life. I respect every single troop (and maybe one or two generals but probably not) overseas. The word hero gets tossed around too loosely nowadays. While I'm sure I could probably beat the shit out of somebody and take photos of them doing weird sexual stuff that wouldn't really qualify as heroic even if I did it at the request of White House officials . . . Still, the overwhelming majority of U.S. troops overseas are fulfilling their commitment to their utmost abilities. And if the mouth breathers at corporate offices in KC are any indication, honoring your commitments is rare indeed.
Most sports writers and sports personalities in Kansas City are cowards. They are former jocks and sycophant wannabes who obviously have no real skills and subsequently end up taking the word of our local sports franchises as gospel. In the days since the announcement of the terms of the sweetheart deal for more than $500 million worth of renovations to the stadiums in the Truman Sports Complex, few if any local sports reporters have criticized the arrangement. The notable exception is Jack Harry. Not at all surprising when you consider the type of bravery it takes for the guy to walk around sporting that bad haircut.
Harry's criticisms have rested on two important points that should make any Jackson County tax payer fume.
The Royals say they will pay $25 million for improving Kauffman Stadium - just 10 percent of the estimated cost. That'’s far lower than the average team contribution of 44 percent for new major-league baseball stadiums since 2000.
And
The Chiefs offer to spend $75 million, or just 23 percent of the $325 million projected expense to upgrade Arrowhead. By contrast, such contributions from teams elsewhere have averaged 43 percent for new or refurbished National Football League stadiums since 2000.
And while I'd love to make a lot of dumb jock jokes here, the figures also indicate that the Jackson County Sports Authority and Katheryn Shields also have a tough time figuring out that these numbers screw the people of KC and provide a way for the teams to avoid paying their fair share which adds up to an additional $85 million for the Royals and $65 million for the Chiefs.
No doubt that as this issue comes before voters there is going to be a slick ad campaign like a previous one used to con voters into voting for the Sprint Center as a kind of "screw you" to St. Louis. And I think to myself that the effort to fool voters into supporting this scam/scheme is a cynical attempt that is guided by the notion that Midwesterners and sports fans are somehow intrinsically stupid.
Anyone in this town who is capable of turning off their TV for a second understands that this city's fate doesn't rest on sports franchises. "Major Leauge City" is a misnomer invented by PR companies. Can you honestly say that San Francisco or New York would be any less majestic without their sports teams? Only the most undereducated dunderhead would think so and thankfully the Greater KC Area is already developing a much more profitable relationship with NASCAR in order to cater to that crowd.
If our teams go to some place like San Antonio, you won't hear me crying. I'll simply say "Adios" and wish the people of that fine city good luck in dealing with two money hungry and constantly mediocre organizations that haven't competitively chased titles in their respective sports in decades.
See, I've had a lot of experience dealing with ultimatums because I've had a few relationships with 20-something women who were obsessed with getting married. Just like the Chiefs and Royals, the demands of young women center around money and complete submission to their whims. And while you can be nice, there ultimately has to come a point where you won't let yourself be bullied. And if they leave? Then they weren't right for you after all. It's time for the people of KC to call the bluff of the sports organizations in town. They are soon to begin their deceptive campaign to get your money but one study after the next has proven that new stadiums don't necessarily help the cities which host them. And while the glamour of woman beating, bar fighting, consistent losers might blind you; remember that there are only a few reasons to root for the home team but a half a billion reasons to vote no.
The Hawley family, who re-discovered The Arabia steamboat, are on a new search for buried treasure.
However, I bet if they just announced that they recently discovered the Arabia in the River Market a lot of people would believe them, considering how few people know it's there in the first place.
Today's article by the Star not only mentions that the family is considering moving the exhibit to Union Station but also makes the subject of treasure hunting seem extremely boring.
The Kansas City Water Services Department is soon to stop giving out free water to new home builders and owners.
Water officials realized they had a big problem in 2001 when an audit revealed that the city delivered 37 million gallons daily of unbilled treated water, or 31 percent of the total. Much of that was from leaky water mains and inaccurate, aging meters. But at least part of the loss was due to unmetered construction activity.The new rules should stop home builders from taking advantage of free resources from the city other than the use of Country Club Kay's coattails.
Know your enemy! The better to ship you to back to Mexico with, my pretty!
Actually, this is a good idea considering the 80% increase of Latinos in the KC area since 1990. Additionally, immersion programs give KC police officers a glimpse of rampant corruption and hopelessness in Mexico . . . Just like KC only with a few little differences. No TIF money and fewer lofts and condos.
They are calling this recipe a look on the "Wild Side" of Hanukkah because the article contains info about using wild rice in combination with grated potatoes to make the traditional holiday dish.
And I guess that's cool if a different pancake recipe is as "wild" as it gets during Hanukkah. However, the traditional Christian ritual of drunk driving, fighting with relatives and quiet, bitter resentment is more my speed.
To each his own.
Every business in town knows that everyday is X-mas as far as construction subsidies and our local politicos are concerned.
A fire breaks out after domestic dispute and I wonder if it's the Ghost of X-mas Past on CPT. That's raw but I'm sure Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes would have nothing to do with this kind of stunt in the afterlife. RIP.
My brother and I laughed about this story over the holiday and then vowed that if it ever came to that we'd opt for a knife fight because that's much more entertaining to watch.
Local blogger and comic artist Parrish has compiled a great list of comic book stores in the area. Help him find more URLS and locations in order to build a stronger local comics scene and create a community of people with an extensive knowledge of where to get a good deal on extra large sweatpants.
Time to throw out (or recycle) X-mas along with all that empty sentiment regarding faith and peace.
How to you combine the celebration of Hanukkah and Christmas? Easy. Just ignore the religious implications of both holidays, ignore the scorn of your parents and make with the presents.
The woman who reportedly swallowed her cell phone during an argument was actually the victim of an assault. The fact nearly two days ago proving that word on the Internets is every bit as good as the propaganda distributed by your local media monopoly.
In the future, I along with the rest of the MSM will work harder to more accurately make fun of your personal tragedy.
PC thugs legislate so you won't have to use your judgment. Obviously, the lesson here is that relying on personal responsibility is hazardous to your health.
And as much as that troubles me, it's probably true.
Encouraging a life long addiction to a profitable substance makes headway in the treating of an instant of pain. Medical wonders never cease.
Local poor, Brown kids living in squalor and violence just not exotic enough.
While the effort to keep local kids from speaking Spanish is in full swing, schools in Kansas City are now emphasizing the importance of learning Chinese as a second language. Apparently, it's much more important to seem hip and get your order for Crab Rangoon right, rather than talk to all the little brown people in the shitty parts of town.
Gen Tzo's Chicken: $7.50
Speaking Spanish in school: Suspension
Being Asian, non-threatening and the "Model minority" in this country: Priceless
This link is not local, it's not safe for work but it's damn funny and informative as well.
You can live in your McNeighborhood, accumulate a lot of stuff to put in your McMansion and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. But then one day someone just might put a McGun in your face, take all your McMoney and your McCar while you pray he doesn't McRape your family.
Have a wonderful McX-mas and remember that you're home isn't being invaded, it's being liberated.
Local outsourcing manifests itself in all kinds of ways.
Turns out the kid that all of Tonganoxie picked on for "acting" gay is now $440,000 richer. Good for him, that Carson guy from Queer Eye has been acting really gay for years and I don't think he has made that kind of payday, especially since his show's ratings dropped.
I think of this as stupid tax. The price a town pays for being mean to gay people should be much more substantial than just living in a dull community with no good place to dance. If anything, small towns should start paying gay people to hang around. It's a great way to provide fat women with friends and create theater groups.
Ironically, the kid now lives in KC and he says he's not gay. And now, thanks to the dumbass kids of Tonganoxie, he will have a hell of a lot of cash to chase tail.
My X-mas shopping is done. I've sunk money back into the economy of Johnson County and now the only thing left to do is procrastinate wrapping this year's paltry bounty of presents. I was at Oak Park Mall yesterday and I realized two things: Unfortunately, that horrible place is really the heart of Kansas City. Oak Park mall was probably the most diverse and vibrant place I've been to this season. Everybody was busy wasting their money on shit they don't need and doing it with glee. Secondly, I think I dwell on racism a bit too much. From my experience at the mall yesterday It's clear that people of all colors and creeds hate poor people more than anything else. I can't say I blame them. Poor people don't buy much and that's what X-mas is all about . . . that and some Black Jewish kid.
Merry X-mas kids. Have a fun and safe holiday. If hear sleigh bells and see Santa overhead that means you've been drinking entirely too much and your ass needs to stop, call a cab and sleep it off.
The Star recently hired a consultant to assess ad rates. Now this must be a sweet gig. You walk in, say "You're fucked" and then pick up your check. It's kind of like being a columnist at The Star only with more work.
Initially, Internet ad rates dropped when people realized the slim click through ratio and conversion rate. However, now advertisers are beginning to learn that it beats the completely unlikely odds of the newspaper persuading anybody to do anything other than support mindless and speculative downtown redevelopment and attend the latest showing of bad art in this town. Additionally, nowadays people find that it's easier to use online classifieds. Online classifieds offer a cheap forum where you can get the merchandise you want along with a bad case of herpes.
Recently, the Fairmont Hotel on the Plaza sold . . . again. In January the hotel will be renamed: "The InterContinental Kansas City at the Plaza." Or, more accurately, "The place at which you can't afford to stay."
No word how he'll attach the freaking laser to the shark's heads.
It's shocking that a little kid would be involved in this kind of violence but really it's even more shocking that the reporters on the scene seem to present this incident as a random shooting. Somebody who gets shot with their kid in the car, pissed off somebody else in a bad way. Call it speculation, it is, but it's also called having an understanding of the world beyond that of toddler.
Additionally, the kid learns a valuable lesson: The best way to continue bullying people into adulthood is to become a lawyer.
A local blogger isn't taking up arms in the so-called "War against Christmas" waged by bored talk show hosts everywhere and he doesn't say whether or not we are spawned form the monkeys . . . his crime is far worse. This local blogger has the temerity to admit that Winstead's gets a little tired after awhile. This insult to KC's honor is akin to slapping the Pope in the face with a copy of the Koran while passing out condoms to little kids and peeing on a statue of the Virgin Mary. It may be pretty cool performance art, the people of KC won't respect you in the morning. While he does have a point, I'll keep choking down Winstead's burgers till my arteries close . . . which at this rate should be sometime in the near future.
Local blogger Dan hosts an amazing photo of the break in the reservoir from the recent flood in east Missouri. I'm not really familiar for the area, so to me it looks like another planet . . . but still pretty cool. Check it out if you haven't already.
Local blogger Parrish posts the Kansas City Health Department's list, by restaurant, of violations during recent inspections. Unfortunately, this list will make you want to toss your milk and cookies.
"For $150 and eight hours training, any Kansas citizen who is 21 or older and free of felony convictions can get a concealed-carry permit." This local blogger proposes some changes as do I . . . like maybe passing out free t-shirts with target signs for everybody.
The Star reports: A Blue Springs woman was taken to a hospital emergency room early today after a cell phone became lodged in her throat when she tried to swallow it.
The woman got into an argument with a boyfriend, and when he asked for the cell phone, she gulped it down, said Sgt. Steve Decker of the Blue Springs Police Department.
Any man who has ever been in an argument with a woman near the holidays knows that this story is not as sensational as it reads.
Additionally, most women I see have a cell phone lodged in their mouth to begin with so I don't know why this rates a mention.
Update: Ewwww. I feel dirty. Everybody in town just blogged this . . . I can see the dumbass little smirk that every local newsbitch is gonna wear when the read the story off the prompter. How can I redeem myself? I mean we all do stupid shit that we don't want in the paper, most of it involves unprotected sex, gambling or having faith in our spouses, employers or kids. I certainly don't wanna be a part of the "I'm so much better than these dumbass people in the news" vibe that emanates from most MSM outlets. I started this blog to make fun of professionals in the local media and not regular people who had the misfortune to end up in the media spotlight.
Eh, swallowing a phone isn't so bad, I know a hell of a lot of women who have swallowed much more disgusting substances . . . and quite a few times as well.
Don't feel bad Blue Springs lady, whoever you are . . . Here's a couple of photos of much more important people doing stupid things:
Move UP makes an issue out of a missing man with an unfortunate nickname. If you're out looking for boobies tonight (and who isn't?) help this guy find his way home if you see him. He'll probably be easier to find than the days when MOVE UP actually had some political clout.
Recently, a pickpocket targeted an 84-year-old couple.
I could've sworn that they did not look a day over 79.
Additionally, and this is the trend that you all noticed but the local media won't mention. Tis the season to stay away from minorities. At least ones you don't know. I have absolutely no problem with you (white) people running from me as you make your way to the car (which actually happened to me last night). You've got to look out for your own safety and if that means hurting somebody's feelings . . . then shift your purse, look your door or move to the other side of the street and feel bad about it later . . . Like I noted previously, it gives me a perverted sense of self-esteem when white people scurry in my presence and it's not like I don't think of all the white store owners as crooks too.
It will cost the KCK police a half a million dollars to learn that even though all Latinos look alike, they aren't all the same. Or, simply deporting all the brown people will save the trouble of sorting them out.
The names are almost the same, but the wrong man ended up in jail twice because of mistakes, and now a jury has awarded him $500,000 in damages, on top of an earlier $25,000 settlement.I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that all this anti-Mexican sentiment is costly in the end because it marginalizes Latinos who are citizens and creates mistrust of law enforcement in immigrant communities which ultimately breeds crime. However, I guess I make my own generalizations about white people as well. I still haven't seen one that can dance, sing, speak at length without whining or keep a spouse in check.
Alonzo Echols was arrested in February 2000 by Kansas City, Kan., police on five misdemeanor warrants and one felony warrant for aggravated battery. The warrants bore his name and his birthdate, but the person actually accused of wrongdoing was another man - Alonzo Eacholes.
I've found that white people love these kinds of stories: Apparently, a local chapter of the NAACP is pursing a complaint because of a recent party that was broken up by KCK police under suspicious circumstances. There are several allegations of racism directed toward the white cops who broke up the affair. The details of the complaint do sound pretty racist, if they're true, but I've found that most people at parties don't know what the hell they're talking about. Read for yourself:
Vickey Everidge, who lives in the house, said police raided the party because of a noise complaint. The officers were white, and the party-goers were black. Most people left after police arrived, Everidge said.I've been to a few wild KCK parties and this actually sounds like a good time if you were to avoid pepper spray or being crushed under the boot of a pissed off white cop. Thing is, there is an easy way to avoid problems like this . . . hire more minority cops. In my experience I've found that Black and Latino cops are twice as bad as any white police officer who is most likely worried about spending the next week in sensitivity class if he piles up too many complaints regarding racism. Ice Cube penned the classic line in his NWA days "Black police showing out for the white cop!" and it's pretty much true but there's nothing to be done about it . . . other than avoiding confrontations with the police (best policy).
The complaint alleges that officers used force, chemical spray, and racial and sexual slurs. At least four persons were struck with flashlights or officers'; fists, Everidge said.
The KC Fringe Festival has been unable to pay most performers who turned up at the festival back in July. The organizer thought she was going to get a grant but it ended up falling through.
Honestly, it's not like anybody is being ripped off in this situation. The "performers" are basically locals that are one step out of their parent's garage. Incidentally, this is yet another example of how KC redevelopment and all the circle jerking about the Crossroads is a lot of hype and very little money. While 5,000 white people venturing into downtown KC is notable, it's not the second coming. Anybody who takes a look at the hipster events will notice that the patrons are way too busy primping and posing to actually buy anything. The only economy that Fringe Festival, Crossroads, art geeks are going to fund is that of witty t-shirt and a few drug dealers. Additionally, the group seems pretty fickle and they could lose interest in the whole thing overnight. A short attention span is a side effect of pro-longed pot use and listening to too much alt rock.
Obviously, the KC art, hipster, Crossroads scene is paid far too much attention for something that doesn't pay out. And, in the end, I don't see what makes that crowd so much different from local country music lovers. Both groups play music that keeps most minorities at bay.
Today, The Star can't even come up with a cheese X-mas story that relates to Kansas City. They donate prime real estate to this tacky story about the meaning for X-mas and homeless bums that's based in New York, City.
NEW YORK CITY!
And it's not that I object to sentimentality. How else are you supposed to con white women into sex? But let's be realistic and let's keep things focused on this town. Here are a few sentimental holiday moments I've had in KC.
- Drunk driving in Overland Park after an X-mas party. Cop pulls over car full of Black guys instead of me. Thank God for small favors.
- X-mas at the riverboat casinos. I don't win but being broke keeps me from buying holiday hookers.
- As a kid I took part in one of the many toy giveaways that this generous town sponsors. I truly understood "diversity" and the brotherhood of man when I realized that Black kids were not really different that me . . . we all cry, choke and cough when we get punched in the throat. Yeah, when I call dibs on the GI Joes, I mean it.
(Don't worry, she's legal. Not that any of us have a chance with her anyway.)
Local swim coach Craig Ivancic will spend the next 12 in prison. He was recently sentenced to 7 years for having sex with a 14 year old member of the the swim team he was coaching. Apparently, part of the guy's defense was that he had actually regressed to the point of thinking of himself as a teenager.
And that got me thinking . . . Is there not a better deal than to be a white teenager with money in this country? I can't think of any other type of person with that much freedom. I know that I'm a mean guy but next time you go to a suburban mall just look around at all the white kids and you'll be able to see more than a few that obviously believe the world revolves around them. And maybe it does, nearly every product, movie and form of music is geared toward their really bad sensibilities. I could see the attraction of wanting to be a white teenager until you think about pressures from parents, the inevitable day when you're forced to take on the 'white man's burden' and pick up a mortgage in the suburbs . . . not to mention the whole penis size thing.
I guess everybody has their problems. Sure, being a white kid with money isn't exactly akin to mining blood diamonds in Sub-Saharan Africa but those people don't have to worry about the subtleties of matching clothes from the Gap with a recent purchase from Abercrombie.
I'm in a bit of a posting slump today. Can't seem to break out of it. Midget porn just isn't helping. I'm thinking of my shopping trip today, not to complain but I have a limited budget and I want to buy gifts for a few people. In the grand scheme of things this is not a problem considering that I once knew a girl with cancer of the eyes (no shit).
I'm thinking about getting a pack of gum and sharing.
Problem solved.
The article contains a photo of the kid rockers. I think their equipment cost more than my first car. Reading the story I thought to myself "that money would probably be better spent on the substance abuse programs these kids will need when the real world tells them they suck."
If you're getting a cell phone for X-mas, you can donate the old one to an American troop overseas through the KC VA Hospital. Or you can buy a clue for somebody who supports the war.
- The Bird left KC on his horse (or in search of it) never to return. A career in obscurity isn't that bad compared to life struggling with heroin addiction.
- Sweatin' the small stuff from local blog Death's Door. I don't sweat gay cowboys but sharks scare the shit out of me.
- "Christmas in the office is a lot like celebrating Hanukkah in a Baptist church in July." A local scrooge sums up office parties nicely.
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