Happy New Year

This is my last post of 2005. Thank you so much for reading and the few people who were goodly or pissed off enough to comment. As always I want you to have a fun and safe time tonight. Here's the number to Holiday Cab. If you get drunk and don't have a ride, please use it. I'd like to have you around next year to ridicule.

All the best to you and yours in the New Year. God Bless.

Will Black people in Kansas City stop killing each other next year?

Instead of doing one of those year end lists, I'd like to pose this question to anybody who is willing to answer it.

Will Black people in Kansas City stop killing each other next year?

Mind you, this question hasn't been asked by many local media people, local politicians or city officials. The fact that this city's shameful murder rate is mostly Black has been only briefly acknowledged and then explained away.

This year the murder rate has been blamed on a lack of civility, lack of respect, availability of fire arms, rap music and every other kind of vice that is similarly available in other communities where the murder rate isn't nearly as high.

Throughout the year, there have been prayer vigils, candlelight vigils, press conferences and a pointless crime commission that hasn't made one declarative statement as the body count continues to increase.

Jackson County Prosecutor Mike Sanders wants to lock all of the Black people up before they can kill each other but even that isn't really a new idea considering that our prisons are already filled to the brim with Black people. What he has come up with is a brand new shiny, happy PR campaign that proclaims: "The silence is killing us." Yet the tagline refers to encouraging snitching and making sellouts and rats out of people in high crime areas. It's a good plan but honestly, I don't think anybody really expects a few poorly produced ads to do much good.

Ironically, local loudmouth Alonzo Washington came up with the only slogan even close to speaking to the Black Community (I guess) in the vernacular that was appropriate to counter the anti-snitching phenomenon profiled in The Pitch. "Snitch to get rich" was actually pretty clever for being the only effort to honestly deal with local violence from within the Black community.

As the year came to a close PBS poster boy Nick Haines asked if this problem even effects the non-Black people in this city. It's a mean question but if you were to receive an honest answer from most people they would say: No it doesn't really matter how many Black people kill each other as long as they only kill each other.

In fact, the issue is so easily skirted that both Country Club Kay and KCPD Chief Tom Corwin have managed to duck the issue that by all rights should rest on their shoulders. Kay passed the buck on to Alvin Brooks and Corwin stupidly blamed bad schools. For the most part, they got away with these answers.

So the question remains. It's a question (based in generalities/stereotypes but also stats) that only a crackpot, jokey, blog author could get away with asking but I think it's important if only because it's an honest query that nearly everyone in this town seems to overlook because of the frightening implications and insensitive nature.

Suburban cops get a clue

There has recently been a reported break in the string of home invasions in Merriam. Hopefully, this case will soon be solved and the good people of that suburb can get back to robbing KCMO by commuting and rooting for the Chiefs in peace.

Update: They have made an arrest in the case. However, you're still advised to be very afraid of Black people.

Starburst: What you don't know might rob you

- Home invasions in Merriam use garage doors. The Star gives tips to prevent robbery but won't provide a description of the suspects. For the moment, just blame Mexicans to ease your mind.

- Homer's Coffee House holding a holiday benefit for KC's homeless. Can I call it that when I throw my coffee at the homeless bastards in my way? Hope so.

- Missouri farmers get a tax break. Apparently, white people who live on dirt are much more honorable than minorities who are as poor as dirt.

- The Star reports that a second Wyandotte County parent has filed a federal civil rights lawsuit after her child allegedly was told not to speak Spanish in school. Mexicans overcrowd legal system just like their houses, cars and this country.

- Jackson County to spend $950,000 on animal programs. No word on plans to neuter Katheryn Shields since that bitch is obviously in heat to spend county money.

KC Star Registration sucks and you should complain about it.

The President Hotel

Like most Presidents this hotel wasted a lot of time, money and toil on a project that won't likely benefit you in the least.

Move On

Move Up, the most worthless political group in the city, wants you to refrain from firing weapons into the air as the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve.

And frankly, that seems like an effort to take the fun out of the holiday. I mean you might as well ban unprotected sex or trusting random strangers. This ritual is a time honored KC tradition in which poor, stupid and irresponsible people of all races, religions and backgrounds are united in putting their lives (and their neighbors) in jeopardy.

Really, this is just yet another stupid press conference by this group that accomplishes little but securing funding and keeping their name in the local media. Very rarely is somebody killed by the New Year's Eve celebratory gunfire; more often somebody dies in this town when a few local thugs get bored.

The fact that they would tie this tradition of dumbass New Year's Eve shooting into the air with the (mostly Black) murder rate is a clear indication of how out of touch they have become not only with their own community but also with reality in general. (And the fact that the local media didn't press them on this QUESTIONABLE connection, is even more proof that this town's MSM is comprised of nothing more than spokesmodels that "either don't know, don't show or don't care what's going on in the hood." Haha! That's a line from Boyz in the Hood, the worst movie to ever inspire widespread gang violence and cause me to waste the years of 18-22 in my life.)

See kids, inhaling too much candle wax leads to holding meaningless press conferences. The more you know . . .

The Star wants the truth revealed

The Star is still after the names of lawyers who lent money to former Kansas City Municipal Court Judge Deborah Neal.

Actually, this list is the most coveted thing in the city because you can connect the dots between local lawyers, politicos and city officials until nearly everybody involved in city politics looks dirty.

While the rest of us just assume as much.

I've got a little list or Baby Blunt gets his wishes

Here is a list of 14 things accomplished by the Missouri Department of Natural Resources at the request of this state's favorite spoiled brat. Washing his car and ass isn't on the list because it's mandatory for all State Employees and not a special request.

Backwoods Bad Boys

Recently, a southeast Missouri teenager was shot to death by a hit man paid in cash and crack cocaine to kill the teen. Sadly, like every other kind of national trend, gangsta violence and crack killings finally hit the rural areas of this state long after the popularity of these activities wanes in more trendy areas. I'll guarantee that somebody involved in this story was sporting a high top fade.

Blogger Backtalk: Local bloggers put on a tease

- "Men look at manly things, women look at chick stuff." Pervs and malcontents look at TKC, and I love you for it.

- "you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but she'll still be a whore" Another fantastic installment of "sweatin the small stuff" from local blog Death's Door.

- "Burn Ass, not Gas" This haiku from The Superficial Plaza Chick is not nearly as dirty as I thought it would be, but still funny.

- "Choking Chickens and Pulling Hoses" Again, local bloggers are teases because this post is actually about what might be the new location of Stroud's.

- The last of the end of the year lists from a local blogger. Sirvinegar caps off the year with his thoughts about some pretty great movies.

- A great post from this newbie local blogger pondering the consequences of a local drunk driving accident.

Giving you the business: Are there no workhouses?

- Attorney General Jay Nixon's office collected a record amount of worker's comp penalty payments. Or, vicodin junkie says "what about my bennies?"

- Shoe the children; meaning put shoes on their feet and not kick them. KC Sheraton manager returns to the area after taking part in the largest donation of shoes in the history of a shoe drive to benefit orphans.

- Missourians and residents of other states received more than $3.4 million in 2005 through mediation by Attorney General Jay Nixon's Consumer Protection Division. Which is so much more than you would have gotten if you'd just pulled out your pistol like you thought about doing in the first place. Stop the violence!

- KC area sets housing permits record. Developers plan to put "greater fool theory" to the test in the upcoming year.

- Bird flu won't suppress your appetite for chicken. Sneezing birds just need more hot sauce to make them all better.

Town Topics: What have you done for me lately?

- "You are #2!" I've been telling Baby Boomers this for the last ten years of my life.

- "The best way to fight higher taxes is by ensuring that the State of Missouri lives within its means." And other pipe dreams that won't happen this year. Want to help out the Show-Me state? Stop voting for Opie Taylor looking white guys like this State Senator who wants to cut your Grandma's benefits.

- VFW donates $100,000 to memorial for disabled Veterans. Which is nice, but I'm sure they'd just rather have the money or a decent explanation regarding Dick Cheney's stock options.

- KCPD officer hurt in the line of duty yesterday.

- Woman assaulted with phone is out of the hospital and onto a life of ridicule. On the other hand, just about any guy she dates will seem nicer than her last boyfriend.

First KCMO Murder of 2005 Still Unsolved

Yeah, but look at what great progress we're making on the PR campaign to stop the violence.

Talk about blaming the victim . . . if my thug life radar is still working. I'm sure the assailant is either dead, in jail or dating a fat white woman by now. And all of these fates I'm sure somehow of offering punishment enough.

Blast from the past . . . the Old Chelsea Theater

A great post from Death's Door. The spot currently occupied by the Old Chelsea is now office space . . . and they call it progress.

Car thefts from garages in Merriam show a pattern

Of ignorant white people that thought moving away from all the darkies would keep them safe.

Or . . It's a shame you had to move all the way out there and pay for an expensive house just to run and lock the doors when a car full of Black people passes by . . . you could have done that for much cheaper in my neighborhood.

P.S. - The best advice the cops in Merriam can give you: "Once again I'm saying, close your garage door." OR Health benefits for suburban cops entail not even being able to catch a cold.

Capoeira is (still) ghey

A while ago I let you know how I feel about the utterly ghey art of Capoeira.

My feelings haven't change just because of a nice PR article in The Star celebrating the opening of a new glorified dance academy for a local Capoeira troupe in KCK.

Capoeira is still completely ghey. In fact, Capoeira is more ghey than getting high on X, dancing at a rave and having unprotected sex with several anonymous partners. Why? Because at least a previous activity mentioned doesn't involve a bunch of white Midwesterners ripping off the culture of various brown people and going into contortions in order to pat themselves on the back while doing so.

*For the record, I've never tried either of the activities mentioned in this post. Mainly because I'm heterosexual but also because I don't work out enough and I look like a gorilla with my shirt off.

Always bet on Black OR The Star should send me Steve Penn's paycheck

Steve Penn could be the worst columnist in Kansas City. Not because he's an ass, Jack Cashill has the market cornered on that niche. Not because his writing is lazy and amateurish like that of Jason Whitlock. Not because his politics are reactionary and outdated like Lewis Diuguid. And not because he is completely out of touch with his community . . . Mary Sanchez fills out that role much better than her latest business suit.

No, Steve Penn is a horrible columnist because he knows the deal but he's too afraid to write what he knows to be true. The monolithic Black vote in this town controls a few things in this town, rather than just stating the fact he just writes love letters to local Black politicos. Violence in KC is a Black problem and it's literally killing that community, but Penn has went along with useless PR programs to cover the asses of politicians who can't/won't do anything substantial to solve the problem.

I know that Steve Penn knows that these things are basically true. Every now and then he drops a hint to how much he really knows and won't write. This is why he's a horrible columnist. Here's the latest sample of his trigger shy writing today in an article examining the upcoming Mayoral Race:

Since Brooks threw his hat in the ring, the buzz on the street and in political circles is that he is the front-runner (for mayor) for now. However, it's very early in the race, and there undoubtedly will be many twists and turns to come.

Why is this cowardice? Because everybody within smelling distance of City Hall knows that Brooks has more dirt on him than Precious Doe in her present condition.

Can I prove it? I thought that's why they paid the reporters at the Star. I'm patient and everybody knows that "it" is going to come out sooner or later. It always does.

Inevitably, it'll turn into a racial issue and I've heard that while the stories may be sexy, they are nothing that the local Black community won't forgive. For Background see: Marion Barry. Yeah, if a crack head can be Mayor of the nation's capital than there should be no stopping Mr. Brooks.

Daze of the Dead

Today, The Star is running a really morbid piece about dead people. Since death is probably the primary topic on the mind of their elderly subscriber base I guess it's just good business. But the thing reads like a very sappy obituary . . . on the front page no less . . . at least The Star is starting to get realistic about the reasons most people read their rag.

It's touching that they added some minority stories to the list since very often The Star only portrays the darkies in this town as the perpetrators of violence and death.

Anyway, if you weren't bummed out today . . . pick up a copy of The Star and commiserate with them as they ring the death bell for the people of this town and their ad revenues. Additionally, the article reminded me of that shitty Boyz II Men song "It's so hard to say goodbye" that was really popular when I was in High School. I once had a bad dream that I was mistakenly put in "white people Heaven" and all of the celebrities mentioned in that song were there as well. They made me fix them tacos before they eventually "deported" me.

Pay raise urged for Overland Park Mayor and City Council

Yeah, better to pay them up front rather than have them "supplement" their income and wind up in a community of lofts, condos and other pipe dreams that won't help out anybody but real estate developers.

KC school board hires administrator

"The Kansas City school board hired an interim administrator (for $6,500 a week) to help with staff and financial management as it prepares to hire a new superintendent."

This is actually a bit unfair. They should have just given the janitor a raise to clean out the last bunch of failures.

It's (not so) grrrrrrrreat! Or "Why they hate us"

Kansas City will soon be home to a monument to American consumerism other than I-35 South. Construction began last week on the Advertising Icon Museum, which is scheduled to open in September 2007 as part of a $100 million mixed-use development.

The Advertising Icon Museum, founded by Robert Bernstein, will be located on the west side of the historic Country Club Plaza in Kansas City. Bernstein (Tall Israeli) is the founder of KC based ad agency Bernstein-Rein where he not only invented the Happy Meal for McDonald's in 1976 but also created a business that could transform a woman who majored in Marketing at KU into a complete whore in less than two years.

Actually, a museum is a great place for most advertising nowadays considering that a growing number of people are able to zap though it and the remaining chumps are too poor to buy anything. Anymore, the only thing that modern advertising is good for is making teenage girls puke because they feel too fat and showing all the poor people in this country the lifestyle they'll never attain without murdering people or some small portion of their soul.

Lawyers seek to delay trial of Lisa Montgomery

Yeah, it'd be nice to get some extra time. Like maybe 9 months. Just enough time to produce something worthwhile without getting cut to shreds.

Mr. Telephone Man

A man accused of shoving a cell phone down a woman's throat recently surrendered to the police. Of course, justice won't be served until this dumbass is publicly beaten to death on Oprah. Sadly, I'm sure that a fairly long prison sentence will ensure that this guy learns what it feels like to be a woman.

KC-area unemployment rises

Keep waiting for KC's redevelopment to pay off. Keep waiting until Country Club Kay gets out of office, finds a new higher paying gig and then laughs all the way to the bank.

Recommended reading:

"Waiting for Godot" - Yeah, think on Samuel Beckett's bitter absurdist satire while construction companies collect even more tax breaks.

KC area gets health-care training grant

The money will go to train local RN's. While I thought that the funds could be used to provide info on triage techniques for health care professionals since KC's streets continually look like a war zone.

JoCo consumer confidence keeps improving

While my faith in the human race (or at least white people) continually declines.

Man Caught Drinking An Hour After DWI Sentencing

Missouri Judge plays wet nurse to booze hound and demonstrates that the side effects of alcoholism include liver damage, decreased amount of brain cells and loss of freedom.

Rolling Gun Battle Ends In Car Crash

KCK thugs are a busy bunch during the end of the year. They don't even have time to get out of the car to shoot.

2 Men Rob Church's Chicken

"The men were described as black men wearing hooded sweatshirts. The man with the gun was described as 5 feet 4 inches and about 145 pounds."

Now eat all your chicken, guy. So one day you can grow up big and strong and pull off a real robbery.

Racist jokes go in the comments section. Or not, has Kwanza taught you nothing?

President Hotel Lights Up Again

The end result of hundreds of millions of dollars of tax breaks is this PR story. It probably would have been cheaper for the city to just light the thing themselves rather than hand out millions in corporate welfare so that people who can afford to stay in luxury hotels can feel better about this city.

SUV Stolen In Merriam Home Invasion

Expect it to be returned as gas prices inevitably increase again.

Freedom isn't free

Actually, it costs about 100k for a Jeep . . . not a bad price for freedom, I guess. Who knew that the fate of Democracy in the Middle-East and the Iraqi people was dependent on the revenues of American military contractors?

Red Pandas at the KC Zoo

They love cold weather and live off the mistakes of local voters . . . much like Condo Kay Barnes only she's nowhere near as cuddly.

Seasons Greetings from Doug Patterson

Doug Patterson has been the talk of the local blogosphere lately. First of all, local blogger Cara displays his nonsensical holiday greeting. Additionally, Topeka blogger J.D. notes that on two occasions within a week (the JoCo Republican leader has proven himself) to be dumber than a sack of hammers . . . Strange, because I do that several times a day on this page. I'm telling you, Mexicans work just as hard if not harder than Republicans and they still want us out of the country.

Professor solves 40-year-old math problem

Bravo to the MU professor. But where in the hell was he when I was trying to figure out how to afford weed and enough Top Ramen to feed me until my next student aid check arrived?

Police Investigate Late-Night KCK Shooting

Shooting at the Hideout Club. Police still searching for the gunman despite the promising name of the bar at the center of the disturbance. Narf.

Vermeil Nearing an End in KC?

Is this why the coach has been crying so much lately?

How will KC address his increasing senility?

Depends.

Downtown construction alters bus routes

Sorry to all 3 of you bus riders for the inconvenience.

KC gets $1.8M for Freight House

Finally, federal money gets spent where it will help the most! Apparently, fine dining and art geeks were in desperate need of cash.

Shawnee Mission Park Lake Winter Dive

KC Infozine reports: "Over 200 adventurous souls will plunge into the chilly waters of Shawnee Mission Park Lake"

Proving once again that white people will do anything to avoid living near minorities.

Fewer blacks are enlisting in Army

Clearly, 50 Cent has proven that getting shot for a record deal is a far more lucrative endeavor.

P.S. -"In 2001, Hispanics made up 10.5 percent of active-duty Army recruits. This year they constituted 13.2 percent of active-duty recruits, according to Army statistics. That is slightly higher than their share of the U.S. population, 12.5 percent."

State approves Wyandotte County waterpark bonds

"The 300-acre resort project, proposed by Schlitterbahn Waterworks of New Braunfels, Texas, will be moving forward. Design work is expected to begin next year, with the resort scheduled to open in 2009."

This is exciting news not only because it means that WyCo will get the closest thing to a bath in years but also because running water was just introduced to many residents of the Kansas County not so many years ago.

The Best Laid Plans of the Power & Light District

The unimpressive list of businesses involved in the forthcoming P&L District probably won't do much to revive downtown. And I can't see how any of the slave labor required to run the establishments is going to change anybody's life that dramatically.

Here's the few companies who have confirmed their place in Country Club Kay's Master Plan:

Houlihan's Restaurant Inc
Gimme Sum Fresh Asian Grill
AMC Entertainment
Cosentino Food Stores
Sprint Nextel Corp

Not exactly ground breaking fare.

Additionally, there's one question about the P&L District that no one has bothered to answer: Why would anybody brave the commute to visit the same old boring places that they can frequent at the mall?

Does anybody believe that tractor pulls and arena football at the upcoming Sprint Center is going to sustain this speculative streak of development? When is this ponzi scheme finally going to implode? Who is going to be the greatest fool to purchase an overpriced condo in order to overlook a few chubby Midwesterners pouring down imported beer?

And the much hyped downtown grocery store Cosentino's? Good luck. All I can say is that you should probably be sure to stay away from the sausage grinder if you hear that somebody named Joey with a last name full of vowels goes missing.

Already it's clear that there isn't going to be much local flavor to the P&L district. Today's report from The Star notes that the rents are too high for local joints. From the list of current clients it seems like a strictly generic chain store affair. And like I noted earlier, I don't know why anybody would leave the suburbs to look at the same stores next to their house.

See, I've been though this before. The Town Pavilion Shopping Center was supposed to usher in a new era of downtown merchants and business. It was a good plan that never worked because KC has yet to confront a problem that defines the past 40 years of history in this town. Nobody likes to be around poor Black people in Kansas City. Even Black people with two nickels to rub together move away from predominantly Black neighborhoods in this town when given the opportunity. And the P&L District won't have the defenses of distance and "enthusiastic" police forces that protect the suburban shopping centers. Until people confront this issue head on, every development in this city will be made in the shadow of this town's racism. For the moment we're still running in circles and calling it commuting.

But the main problem with the P&L District is one that is present in all our lives.

Most of our plans are doomed to fail.

Look around, look at the people you know and their lives. Their marriages, their careers, their dreams and aspirations simply didn't pan out. It's called life. The safe bet is that most plans will fail. You settled when you got married and so did your wife, but a multi-million dollar effort based on fake football, hot wings and bad movies is supposed to usher in a new era of prosperity in this town? And whether it is American occupation in Iraq or corporate occupation of KC's downtown both are simply temporary circumstances that will ultimately end with an embarrassing withdrawal no matter how many communities, lives, limbs or money must be sacrificed in the process.

Another year older

It's time to ring in the New Year! You know, the holiday where you pretty much guarantee that you'll repeat the same mistakes again. Look on the bright side, at least those mistakes haven't killed you . . . yet.

Well, this year an overpriced New Year's Eve Party returns to Union Station. The celebration lost money in 2003 but now it's back with the help of Bank of America and all of the poor people who had their homes foreclosed.

Fees for the event will cost more than a hooker and a bottle of booze and it'll probably be just as lonely. However, at least after attending the Union Station party, your first order of business for the New Year won't be a visit to the clinic.

Norman Rockwell's art on display in St Charles, MO

Take a look at propaganda from the white people who just happened to win WWII. Notice how it's eerily similar to the white people on the losing side.

*Note: Germans are cool. Kurt Vonnegut said it best: "They are the only white people who like to fight other white people."

Get behind local theater groups (No homo)

The Just off Broadway Theater Association and the several theater companies that comprise the group are looking to raise money in hopes of establishing a place to perform. A fire started by a homeless bum damaged their previous digs and apparently it's much harder for homosexuals to perform in this city's parks during the cold winter months. However, I wouldn't know much about theater in KC because my idea of a great live show involves a donkey and a woman who has reached rock bottom.

Tax bills baffle Jackson County homeowners

"Officials defend mailings that duplicate statements to mortgage companies"

One more reason it pays not to own a home in this city. Apparently quite a few people freaked when they didn't know where they would come up with even more money to fund luxury loft development and sweetheart deals for local sports franchises. Don't worry, it was just yet another screw up by the county. Strangely, you'd think that having the best local government that money can buy would be a good thing.

Play on, Playa

The fat kids of Johnson County spent the last nice day of the year inside playing video games at the library. There is a passage in the article which claims that video games supposedly improve problem solving skills and promote critical thinking. I guess that's true if you count figuring out the location of the Doritos as a test of intelligence.

Actually, video games probably are helpful to future generations. These kids might someday be called upon to bomb brown people by remote in order to ensure that even more American kids can be overindulged. Video games are helpful in desensitizing kids to the violence required to maintain suburban lifestyles.

True Lies: KC FBI marriage profiled in The Star

The story of a local FBI couple about to retire clearly illustrates exactly how white The Star is . . . because only white people could write about FBI agents in such glowing terms. Most minorities simply want to stay as far away from the letters F-B-I as possible. Hell, I don't even like Alpha-Bits simply because they remind me of the various government organizations created to keep me in line.