Friday, September 27, 2019

KANSAS CITY WEEKLY POWER RANKINGS: BEST LOCAL PLACES TO GET SHOT!!!



There were a lot of worthwhile power moves this week: A speculative downtown development deal was shut down, stoners flexed on the council and the Feds even started to take a look at the sketchy financial dealings in the 18th & Vine District.

However, tonight . . . Given that we just passed a shooting scene on the Boulevard this evening, offering a more practical guide to Kansas City life seems more important.

To wit . . .

CHECK THE TOP FIVE PLACE TO GET SHOT IN KANSAS CITY!!!

Listed only because we want to keep our readers alive and out of trouble:

1. Urban Core Gas Stations - If there are bars on the widows or a glass box for the clerk -- Watch your back, get what you need and get out. Also, try the jalapeno rap snacks, they're really rather good.

2. The Home Of Your Estranged Lover - They say we only hurt the ones we love -- The converse of that statement is also correct. And her new boyfriend hasn't got a lot to lose.

3. Any Highway After 2 AM - Every few years police lock up some head case taking pot shots at nearby cars . . . There are always more of them out there even if the last guy took a great deal of blame for the most recent shooting spree.

4. Parking Lot Of Any Bar After Last Call - If they're well over 30-years-old -- Patrons shutting down bars are usually hobos or close to it. Liquored up people rarely make good decisions and the parking lot of a bar is basically a funeral staging ground in many parts of the metro.

5. YOUR HOUSE - Let's not deny a statistical fact of life which informs us that owning a gun or having one readily accessible makes a person three time more likely to die by way of homicide, suicide or accident. 2nd Amendment defenders acknowledge the risk in order to avoid it whilst gun nuts deny it very much like the tens of thousands of people who get shot every year.

Again, we offer these tips only to keep our blog community safe given that this list has been compiled according to scientific TKC polling and market research data and it's a weekly comprehensive guide to powerful trends that influence our times.

Developing . . .

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe.

But you forgot:

front porches
food truck lines
kc trails
kc parks
Oak Park Mall

Anonymous said...

^^^^ True but we can hardly call those places "best" anymore.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, true, all

Anonymous said...

Wu Tang's For The Children!

Super Dave said...

Standing close to Sly on The Plaza.

Anonymous said...

Mlk blvd

Anonymous said...

An ever-expanding list.
There's no sense in trying to burglarize an abandoned derelict house that's already been ransacked.
And you can't rob a vacant lot.
So you go where other people and maybe some money and other things of value are.
As long as the violence, mayhem, and murder is continued to be allowed to take place in the urban core, more innocent people are put at risk throughout the entire city.
Willful ignorance.

Anonymous said...


How about anywhere in the entire city.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to Slys' Killer Shitty - Keep It Frosty!

Anonymous said...

Lol The truth except those rap snacks are way tooooo salty.

Anonymous said...

Rap snacks are awesome!

Anonymous said...

Trailer parks have always been one of the top places to get shot. Don't forget the dog patch, that's proof that white people got a lot of problems too.

Anonymous said...

Add sex clubs to the list now!

Anonymous said...

8:29 name one murder this year in killa shitty committed by a white person, go ahead crackhead, I’ll wait.....

The problem is and always will be the blacks.

chuck said...

Funny stuff
:)

Grip Madlock said...

I guess they teach you that bushes provide the best cover in the usmc.

Grip Madlock said...

Name anything sold in those Arab owned corner stores that doesnt provide 110% of a days sodium.

Anonymous said...

CHECK THE TOP FIVE PLACE TO GET SHOT IN KANSAS CITY!!!

That's good comedy TKC! LOVE IT!

Anonymous said...

We've seen people randomly drop dead at Westport and we've seen people shot by the police and from experience there's no difference.