Faking it

Let me first note that I'm a proud UMKC alumni. I feel like going to school in KC helped me get a grasp of the real world rather than wasting 4 years believing that life is nothing more than a series of keggers and causal sex (If only). People don't go to UMKC to party, they are there to get some kind of degree so they don't have to shovel shit with the Mexicans for the rest of their lives. There is a hint of desperation in the hallways of the institution, just like the real world. Also, there is virtually no student life other than the meager SGA in which nerdy Black and white people slap fight with each other. For the most part, you don't go to UMKC to make friends. You go there because your job, life, kids and career depend on it. It's nobody's first choice school.

However, because KC is a very political town and all college students are hopelessly naive and self-absorbed . . . politics often passes for partying on campus. A recent sex fair at the college created a few minor news stories and a tad of embarrassment for the administration. The event was held under the guise of a fun spirited educational occasion but like nearly all endeavors by liberal (read: have not yet been mugged) college students it was simply an opportunity to provoke.

The funny thing is . . . UMKC is full of the most unappealing women to ever set foot on a college campus that any attempt at sexiness is a complete waste of time. Seriously, there are few reports of sexual assault on campus because UMKC broads are not even worth date raping. Not so coincidentally, there has always been rumors of a lot of gay sex on campus and I'm tempted to think it may be due to a lack of options. You think I'm kidding but I've seen a better looking selection of women at 3 a.m. at Walmart.

So all of this sex talk put on the Women's Center is simply an exercise in publicity for their borderline lesbian world view. And again, I have nothing against lesbians but I believe they should wear high heels, lipstick and have huge fake boobs in order gain access to the public forum.

And finally, I saw that there was some experimentation with gender reversal at the fair and I was a little bit disgusted. First of all because it seems like the broads running the fair were simply picking on guys with an already fragile sexuality and secondly because everybody knows that an introductory course in Women's Studies is pretty much all it takes to convert a broad to a life of lesbianism, hemp skirts, unshaved underarms and bad music.

In other news, while all of the overweight bi-curious broads were wasting time at the sex fair I'm pretty sure that the many spritely young Asian women who frequent the UMKC campus were busy doing something a little more productive like learning computer science or figuring out how to extend their student visas.