KCMO Announces 25th Homicide

I hate body counts but it looks like this year it's already starting to ramp up despite the optimism of those in public office . . . And the weather hasn't even really started to get nice yet.

Spanish version of the Star Spangled Banner gets no play in KC

Or . . . You know you're a reactionary if you get really mad about this story. Great read from Fox 4 News that notes that local Latinos rarely support this kind of stuff. In fact, if you knew any 1st generation Mexicans you'd know that they hate their kids speaking Spanish almost as much as white people do.

Finally, and you probably don't care about this but you may find it interesting nonetheless, is that I think one of the unexpected things to come out of this immigration controversy is that Mexican-Americans, Chicanos, whatever have regained a connection to the more recent arrivals (i.e. mojados) and a sense that we're all pretty much the same people only separated by a few generations and a bit of language. Before the immigration controversy there was a disconnect between Chicanos and their Mexican counterparts but in light of so much hatred directed the way of Latinos in general the effect has been one of overall Latino unity and unexpected support for (at the very least) basic human rights for people with which we have so much in common. This is much more important than political leverage or how this will impact voting because I believe it has to do with an emerging Latino identity (and the subsequent cultural impact) of so many people in this nation and the effect it will have on the future . . . Hopefully, something more than more movie deals for Salma Hayek and J-Lo.

Meeting will focus on Africans' issues in KC

Basically, talk of money transfer businesses and the like. Also, I'd suggest they discuss some PR for Ethiopian food which everybody says is great but I'm still too scared to try.

Federal team is being formed in Kansas City to catch and deport immigrants

I think Princess Leigh said it best when she remarked to her Dad (Darth Vader) : "The tighter you close your grip, The more star systems will slip through your fingers."

Also, I don't see how the idea of assembling a team of law enforcement types to drag brown people away in the middle of the night makes anybody feel safer. Basically, what this kind of effort and the sentiment that backs it says is simple: "The American Dream is a lie and we've had enough of our neighboring brown people. But rather than regulate businesses we're only going to aim legislation at people with absolutely no recourse. Because we know that once we started busting the rich white voters who employ illegals and benefit from their labor then our support would quickly dry up."

Also, it's hard for me to watch many of the Republicans which I admired when they stressed free markets and small government totally turn tail when it comes to the (not so) imminent threat of dishwashers, housemaids, lawncare people and janitors. And the thing is, if this effort was strictly aimed at immigrant felons or people with warrants than few if any people (Latino or otherwise) would have a problem with it . . . But if anti-immigration advocates can't see the difference between dangerous convicts/criminals and those who simply come to work a shitty job than their ranting is really nothing more than racism and they should simply just admit it so at least there could be an honest dialogue. Strange to me that the same Republicans who back a multi billion dollar war in Iraq can't support their leader when it comes to a workable guest worker program that would ultimately contribute to the economy of this nation.

By the way, I'm hearing a little bit more about local May Day protests . . . Mainly, that the cops have already begun to brace local organizers because of talk of "gangs" marching. Silly, because the only thing gang members march for is beer and bitches in high heels.

Still, this issue doesn't seem to be dying down anytime soon and the offensive political game now seems to be turning serious. Sad because there are so many Republicans that I once voted for that will be losing my support simply because they gave into the hype surrounding this issue. In the end, the only people who benefit from all the excitement and emotion brought about by the mere mention of "illegals" are talk radio personalities. And clearly, they need all the help they can get.

A hospital 'almost like a hotel'

I guess they both are ridden with disease and pissed off members of your family that you'd rather not deal with . . .

Local white guy can't blame Cauthen

The Star reports: A federal judge has dismissed Kansas City Manager Wayne Cauthen from a discrimination lawsuit filed by a former Kansas City aviation director . . . In which he (Russell Widmar) contended that his November 2003 firing by Cauthen was racially motivated.

There is no such thing as "reverse" discrimination . . . It's called payback or in some (most) cases it should simply be labeled opportunism.

Tom Joyner thinks Kansas City might be a model for rebuilding in New Orleans

If he means that this town is flooded with loft and condo scams instead of water than I agree. However, just like New Orleans . . . Kansas City is no longer just a "chocolate city" and is now flooded with Mexicans as well.

A love letter to Katheryn Shields

This super nice piece from The Star labels her a "comeback kid" rather than the queen of controversies. I smell another election season full of endorsement filled reporting from The Star or maybe that could simply be one of Shields' farts. Also, I'm trying to think of a good nickname for Katheryn Shields please let me know your suggestions.

Her hair became tangled in a machine

Local woman almost unintentionally becomes a cyborg.

That's rich

A recent report ranked Johnson County 41st in the nation for per capita income.

In the entire country!!! And I didn't see Jackson County anywhere near the top of that list. Still glad you paid to fix up their stadium? Just wait, you might soon get another chance to make sure their heads are dry and their asses are warm with another go round of the rolling roof vote . . . However, unless they make it legal to mug the people of JoCo I don't know how they'll justify the cost.

Daniel Porter's Kids are most likely dead

Hard to make fun of this story, still I think it should serve as yet another example of why you should not get married. Note: No matter how nice you are, every horrible thing you do during a divorce or immediately after somehow makes sense.

Blunt Supports Strict Child Abuse Bill

Still, I can't help but think maybe his dad should have beat him more . . . At the very least it would have made him regard his popularity or lack thereof a little bit more seriously.

KC Brigade Cheerleaders

You know, it's Saturday and I don't feel like writing anything hateful. In fact, I'm in a pretty great mood so I'll simply present this link to some really great photos of the KC Brigade Cheerleaders and hope it makes you happy as well.

I notice they ask the ladies a lot of silly questions in their profiles but I guess that's pretty standard. In fact, while I was disappointed with most of their choices for "favorite cartoon character" I was impressed by their reading list . . . But then again everybody lies about reading The Great Gatsby and most women hate cartoons and anything else that's fun.

I don't really like that the symbol of this town's arena football team is one of death but all in all a lot of people seem to have fun at the games whether or not the Brigade win or lose. Like every other sports franchise in KC, they mostly lose. I'm sure these women are probably a pretty big part of why people keep coming back. I hope they are paid accordingly, but probably not.

Random thoughts and news

Great stuff from this thoughtful local blogger.

"Rain, rain, I love you, rain"

Go read local blog Pomegranate Pretty. The author is the best thing to cheer you up on a rainy day.

"sweatin the small stuff"

Another classic post from local blog Death's Door regarding KC's old porn scene and (not so) surprisingly . . . How porn doesn't necessarily make people less respectful of women.

"MEXICO Legalizes, But Will T.K.C. Advertise?"

NY Blogger Dallas Penn shares his thoughts about the latest tourism initiative South of the Border. Actually, I think this is enough for many of this nation's casual drug users (more than half of all people under 40) to think about immigrating the other way.

Woman Recovering After Hit in the Face at Royals Game

The only entertaining thing to happen at a Royals game this season.

TKC told you first

Many thanks to the tipster who sent the Funkhouser note my way on Wednesday. Also, the whole world is becoming a tabloid.

Downtown library cafe gets official name

They're going to call it "The Nine Muses." Its unofficial name: "Can we get out of here already? I think I'd be more comfortable at Barnes and Noble."

Lately, the Independence Police Department has been enduring a lot of negative press. It seems like when they aren't initiating a fatal car chase that harms an innocent bystander then they are beating the shit out of white people for simply asking for a form.

Last night's much anticipated late breaking, live investigative circle jerk represents everything that's wrong with corporate journalism. Mainly that it plays to what dumbasses like myself find interesting. I have to admit that my face was pressed against the TV screen waiting for the Independence doughnut eater to hand the hippie his ass. While there might be some pointless debate over whether or not the cop pushed the guy into the glass . . . The video clearly indicates that, in fact, the guy got a minor beat down for taking the wrong tone with the cop and not immediately following orders.

So what?

While the baby beatdown and the guy screaming, "My arm, dude! Don't break my arm! You're ripping my clothes (Dockers)!" Did elicit a chuckle, I didn't see a serious miscarriage of justice.

Thing is, this is such a white, Kansas City, television news controversy because it involves a white guy contending with police brutality and accountability. Any person of color (silly term but you know what I mean) knows that you don't get to ask a cop "Why?" Ever. Not on Cinco De Mayo, not on your birthday. When a cop gives you an order, you follow it or risk dying in a jail cell and then having your demise blamed on you and your parents. That's the practical. Blacks, Mexicans and the poor lowly black sheep of the Asian world (Vietnamese, Cambodian, etc.) deal with the reality of police violence while this story attempts to make a controversy out of the theoretical . . . The way police should respond, what should be the proper procedure for taking complaints, the way an undercover white person gets a beat down. Hell, come to think of it, the hippie reporter type wasn't even representative of the majority of poor whites who get beat down by the fuzz on a regular basis because he wasn't high on meth and shirtless. In the final analysis, watching this white guy take a crack to the head was so out of the ordinary and unrepresentative of the many brown people (and po' whites) who get regular beatdowns by cops that it's akin to the sheer fantasy of a Rocky movie where a white man is capable of fighting for and actually winning the Heavyweight Championship of the World.

I don't pretend to know a lot about the Independence PD because I don't have a substance abuse problem so there is no reason to hang out in that part of town for me. However, what this story makes evident is that every po' dunk city and county that surrounds KC is full of police officers not good, smart or brave enough to cut it in the (relatively) big city. They are glorified security guards either baby sitting rich white kids and protecting McMansions or they are not quite on the level of Barney Fife but have more of a Buford T. Justice kind of vibe. Cops on the outskirts of KC are really only good for writing tickets.

What this story really demonstrates is the lesson that people in this country and this city still haven't learned from AIDS, 9/11 or the war in Iraq . . . Basically that white people don't care about any of the suffering in the world until it happens to them. Still, I guess this story gets people talking about police brutality and the role of law enforcement in addressing complaints . . . Until, a real, brown person is the victim of a similar police beat down and the media and people in their living rooms eventually go back to blaming the person on the receiving end of a nightstick, Taser or bullet.

TFK explains network neutrality

If you want to know how Congress is about to ruin the Internet this post is a brilliant explanation of why so many Internet geeks are pissed. Money line: "This is worth calling a Congresscritter about."

Knight Ridder's websites suck.

Local blogger Joe is starting a one man revolution against one of the worst newspaper chains ever and their crappy websites.

Former Missouri House Member Accused of Theft, False Report

KCTV 5 reports: "A former state legislator who was fined $9,000 last year by the Missouri Ethics Commission for campaign law violations has been charged with theft and filing a false campaign finance report." You know how television news makes you think every minority kid is going to mug you? Well, I know that the many recent reports I've seen about political corruption make me very leery of voting for white guys as well.

Local Credit Card Scam Busted

No, not the one run by the banks.

"Toby Young free on $100K bond"

Sadly, her Dad recently died. Strangely, it wasn't from embarrassment. I also wish her good luck re-entering the dating scene. She'll most likely find it tougher when not playing to a captive audience.

"We've heard it before"

Northeast residents react to the city's new Neighborhood Improvement Program.

Sheri shoots a spider

This is one of the best posts lovely local blogger Sheri has written. There is tension, drama, a scary spider and a noticeable lack of any dude brave enough to deal with the creepy crawly creature in question.

All raffles are ripoffs

A recent Parkville mansion scheme manages to separate fools from their money. This gives me idea, I'll get back to you with more details but I'm thinking about a "Win a Date with Kay Barnes" contest. The "winner" is the one who pledges the lowest amount.

Same old song and dance

Concerning a poor racial report card earned by UMKC, the Star reports that in one of the University halls, more than a dozen black and white students locked hands in a circle Tuesday and sang "We Shall Overcome." Meanwhile a Mexican somewhere on campus was cleaning a toilet.

Still, it's hard to believe that anything so lame went down at my former stomping ground. Normally, I usually enjoy watching interracial action but this seems like a new low when it comes to lame things on that campus. And I thought the anonymous ghey sex that was rumored to go down (no homo) in the library was disgusting. I was wrong, the interracial sing along is much more offensive.

The Zoo gets even more ghey and expensive

The Friends of the Zoo board agreed Wednesday to order the carousel based on a gift of $100,000 by an anonymous donor. The zoo will seek to raise the rest of the estimated $900,000 cost of the ride and a shelter and ticket booth.

"When an appointee of Governor Blunt comes to you, it suggests repercussions if you don’t go along with it"

KCPD Chief Corwin gets dragged into the current Republican controversy regarding lobbyists in Jefferson City.

I could try and make sense of this story but it's not worth it.

Basically, a few people claim that Republicans close to Gov. "Baby" Blunt "persuaded" Corwin to hire a consultant who also has close ties to Blunt. Corwin hired the guy but there is absolutely no way to prove how much he was "persuaded" at all. Frankly, it's hard to see the KCPD as a Republican influenced organization given the pittance that they are paid and their first hand encounters with failed Republican social policy.

In terms of a political scandal this rates around a three on a scale of 10. . . Right below the "significantly fewer" number of Black people who are killing each other on the East side so far this year.

Additionally, I have no idea what exactly a lobbyist does other than get paid. I guess that's good enough.

Elder abuse is not (supposed to be) hilarious

If you caught the story last night of a local 91 year old woman getting a world class ass whipping you probably shuddered a little bit at the prospect of getting old in this society. Let's recap:

When Ruby Shinn was found at her home in the 300 block of East 79th Terrace, the woman told officers she had been assaulted and held against her will by her daughter, Carolyn Hanks, 53.

Hanks was charged with first-degree elder abuse, armed criminal action, kidnapping and unlawful use of a weapon.

According to the probable cause statement, Shinn wasn't let out of the bathtub for a full week -- not even to use the toilet. She was allegedly held at knifepoint, struck on the head and attacked in the arm with a cane, breaking the arm so badly that doctors may have to amputate it.

To the laymen this story may seem horrible and cruel but that's only because so few people spend any real time with the elderly. Of course, few people deserve to be beaten and restrained in a bathtub for a week but I know at least a couple of old ladies who would do good to maybe spend a couple of days rethinking their hurtful remarks in a confined space. Awww, that's not completely true. There is no way I would do something like that to my Grandma. Especially because I think she could still put up a pretty good fight and that walker hurt the last time she threw it at me when I tired something similar.

Anyway, the point is that most people who (luckily) have no contact with the useless elderly think that old people are nice, sweet and congenial. Nothing could be further from the truth. The elderly are mean, bitter, angry and very picky eaters . . . Pretty much like any other person you might run into only smaller and looking like they need to be ironed.

A toy gun, a box cutter and a failed carjacking

What is: All the right ingredients for a typically worthless local TV news crime story.

Goose Shot With Arrow Recovering

Some people just don't know how to prepare kebabs.

KC school bus protest fails

The KCMO School Board voted 5-4 Wednesday night to renew the Durham School Services contract. This is a perfect chance to give your kids a history lesson and tell them about the days when Unions actually held sway . . . Before U.A.W. and American execs worked together to destroy the American auto industry and middle class white guys convinced everyone that unions were commies or outdated.

"Sebelius in ethics trouble?"

This Kansas blogger says it's "penny-ante stuff" concerning a bad link in the sig file of her e-mail. That's why I sign all my correspondence: "You screw me over with this and I have nude pics of your mother that I'll share with the world!"

"Maybe they can create news from up in the sky"

A less than enthusiastic endorsement of KCTV 5's new-fangled news chopper.

"Kansas City has a great auditor"

An answer to the question, "You know you're a nerd when . . ."

New blog: What the deuce?

A new KCK blogger enters the fold. Check out his blog. Good stuff.

Did you get the memo?

There is a document floating around City Hall criticizing City Auditor Mark Funkhouser for not only being a general pain in the ass to our beloved Country Club Kay but also for talking to the press and meeting with Stan Glazer weeks before he made the announcement that he was running for Mayor.

It's a shame because lately Funkhouser has been one of the few honest voices coming out of City Hall addressing the tenuous financial ground upon which KC stands (potholes and bad sidewalks included). I guess he didn't get the memo that all City employees are supposed to do nothing more than cheer for Mayor Kay and her pet causes, bow in her presence and dare not look her directly in the eye.

Obviously, Mayor Kay doesn't want to leave her throne and she's desperately clinging to power like it was a bottle of wrinkle cream.

Royal Pain in the Ass

I love local bloggers (no homo) but I have no idea why they are obsessed with a bunch of local losers pretending to play baseball. Here are the appropriate links:

• "The Royals Need Nerds"


• "How to Improve the Kansas City Royals"


• "And Another One For The L Column"
  

While I may not care much, I admire the passion of these local bloggers (again no homo). The feeling is very much akin to watching lesbian porno which is much more interesting than viewing a baseball game.

KC: The sidewalks suck

A recent survey reports that only 18 percent of Kansas Citians are satisfied with their sidewalks. Surprisingly, only a small percentage of those complaints are because of disregarded drug paraphernalia or the fact that nobody in this town walks and they just don't like what they see from the safety of their car. Still, this is yet another bad mark for city officials (and the people who keep voting for them) who would rather build stadiums and other vanity projects rather than concentrate on this town's infrastructure.

Weathering the storm

The Hurricane is under new management, here's the reaction from a local bloger and longtime 'cane regular Death's Door.

That should teach them a lesson

Local school bus drivers teach kids how to alienate an entire city and take out their problems on children. It's a valuable lesson and I think it's an appropriate introduction to politics. Not that I'm not down with protest and I probably support the drivers along with the majority of this world's population who also have legitimate complaints about low pay, bad working conditions and uncaring bosses.

Note: Like all protests, it didn't seem to make much of a difference. I would never advocate a walkout after dropping kids off in a bus at a remote location but the same tactic seemed to make the Pied Piper stick in people's memory.

I'll take a bottle of anything and a glazed doughnut. TO GO!

One day, I'll understand that line from an ancient David Lee Roth video. In the meantime it's just one of many indications that I'm getting very old. In more a important piece of information the Biz Journal reports that after a successful pilot test, Take Care Health Systems LLC will open 10 health clinics in Kansas City-area Walgreens in the summer.

Is there anything wrong with grave robbing?

In a bit of news that doesn't really matter to anybody not directly involved, KCTV 5 reports that a woman trusted to care for a dying cancer patient was accused of ripping her off.

At first, I know you're initial reaction might be shock or disgust but I've always wondered why cases like these are always treated with such taboo. If the "victim" in question was terminally ill than she obviously wasn't going to need any of her stuff or money in the immediate future. After all, aren't people always saying "you can't take it with you" and similar nonsense when they find out you make more money than them. And to be fair, the glory days of Egyptian kings are over and nobody really expects to enjoy their riches in the afterlife no matter how cool it seems to have all your stuff buried with you along with a few slaves, hookers and children in order to keep you company.

No one has really explained why it's wrong to steal from a person who is dead or going to be dead in about five minutes. Certainly, the British Museum in London has no problem stealing from dead people. So what's the big deal if a local caregiver pilfers a few shekels in order to make rent or add bacon to her burger?

But in the end, I'm sure that every form of stealing is wrong unless it involves oil from a third world country or tax credits in order to build luxury lofts and condos. Old people, the terminally ill and other burdens on friends, family and society should keep the money they have earned. The only people who are really entitled to the funds of the recently deceased are tax collectors and lawyers.

What every Catholic school kid should know

A priest doesn't deserve any more (probably less) trust than any other stranger you would meet. And, you might wanna keep one eye open when receiving communion. The local diocese isn't doing much to instill these lessons so you'll probably have to teach your kid on your own in much the same way you explain safer sex, the futility of married life and the tax free status of the Church.

KC police seek to promote Hispanics

Again, this is yet another happy article from our city wide high school news paper but the gist of it is that yes, in fact, we do need some stinking badges.

City makes progress on Brookside sewer project

The only thing more full of shit than the streets of Brookside after a light rain is this hopelessly optimistic story from The Star hailing the work of Lamar Hunt's shoe shiner Jim Roland. True, there has been a tiny bit of progress made but I can still smell the place come high tide and I'm pretty sure this is just a tiny bit of the billions of dollars of improvement this city's pipes need.

High-Tech Security Keeps Shopping Safe in New District

The Legends has an advanced state-of-the-art security system that mainly involves building the place so far out in the sticks that no minority would dare commute to the place. Enjoy your shopping and the benefits of white privilege.

High Gas Prices Fuel Bus Ridership

This story was great and you missed out if you didn't see the broadcast version. There was some guy who was rapping about the benefits of public transportation . . . Very 1980's McDonald's commercial. Nice to know that being both poor and stupid is something worth composing lyrics about . . . What am I saying? That's most likely the inspiration for all rap tunes along with Vicodin and matricide references when you factor in Eminem.

Now, now don't think I'm calling all bus riders poor and stupid. I'm sure most of them are just poor. By the way, screw the environment.

Police Chase Ends With Fatal Crash

Last night Independence police chased a suspect who was eventually killed when he hit a van at the intersection of 31st Street and Linwood Boulevard. The driver of the van was hurt and police haven't yet said what the chase was regarding but it was clearly more important than the safety of innocent people on the street. A while back there was a movement to curb police chases or at least review the policy that determines when police should pursue on crowded city streets. Sadly, that measure didn't gain much headway and advocates weren't half as interesting as awesome car chases on TV. Still, if local authorities are going to endanger the lives of innocent bystanders on metro streets then they need to make with the entertaining police chase