KCMO Announces 25th Homicide

I hate body counts but it looks like this year it's already starting to ramp up despite the optimism of those in public office . . . And the weather hasn't even really started to get nice yet.

Spanish version of the Star Spangled Banner gets no play in KC

Or . . . You know you're a reactionary if you get really mad about this story. Great read from Fox 4 News that notes that local Latinos rarely support this kind of stuff. In fact, if you knew any 1st generation Mexicans you'd know that they hate their kids speaking Spanish almost as much as white people do.

Finally, and you probably don't care about this but you may find it interesting nonetheless, is that I think one of the unexpected things to come out of this immigration controversy is that Mexican-Americans, Chicanos, whatever have regained a connection to the more recent arrivals (i.e. mojados) and a sense that we're all pretty much the same people only separated by a few generations and a bit of language. Before the immigration controversy there was a disconnect between Chicanos and their Mexican counterparts but in light of so much hatred directed the way of Latinos in general the effect has been one of overall Latino unity and unexpected support for (at the very least) basic human rights for people with which we have so much in common. This is much more important than political leverage or how this will impact voting because I believe it has to do with an emerging Latino identity (and the subsequent cultural impact) of so many people in this nation and the effect it will have on the future . . . Hopefully, something more than more movie deals for Salma Hayek and J-Lo.

Meeting will focus on Africans' issues in KC

Basically, talk of money transfer businesses and the like. Also, I'd suggest they discuss some PR for Ethiopian food which everybody says is great but I'm still too scared to try.

Federal team is being formed in Kansas City to catch and deport immigrants

I think Princess Leigh said it best when she remarked to her Dad (Darth Vader) : "The tighter you close your grip, The more star systems will slip through your fingers."

Also, I don't see how the idea of assembling a team of law enforcement types to drag brown people away in the middle of the night makes anybody feel safer. Basically, what this kind of effort and the sentiment that backs it says is simple: "The American Dream is a lie and we've had enough of our neighboring brown people. But rather than regulate businesses we're only going to aim legislation at people with absolutely no recourse. Because we know that once we started busting the rich white voters who employ illegals and benefit from their labor then our support would quickly dry up."

Also, it's hard for me to watch many of the Republicans which I admired when they stressed free markets and small government totally turn tail when it comes to the (not so) imminent threat of dishwashers, housemaids, lawncare people and janitors. And the thing is, if this effort was strictly aimed at immigrant felons or people with warrants than few if any people (Latino or otherwise) would have a problem with it . . . But if anti-immigration advocates can't see the difference between dangerous convicts/criminals and those who simply come to work a shitty job than their ranting is really nothing more than racism and they should simply just admit it so at least there could be an honest dialogue. Strange to me that the same Republicans who back a multi billion dollar war in Iraq can't support their leader when it comes to a workable guest worker program that would ultimately contribute to the economy of this nation.

By the way, I'm hearing a little bit more about local May Day protests . . . Mainly, that the cops have already begun to brace local organizers because of talk of "gangs" marching. Silly, because the only thing gang members march for is beer and bitches in high heels.

Still, this issue doesn't seem to be dying down anytime soon and the offensive political game now seems to be turning serious. Sad because there are so many Republicans that I once voted for that will be losing my support simply because they gave into the hype surrounding this issue. In the end, the only people who benefit from all the excitement and emotion brought about by the mere mention of "illegals" are talk radio personalities. And clearly, they need all the help they can get.

A hospital 'almost like a hotel'

I guess they both are ridden with disease and pissed off members of your family that you'd rather not deal with . . .

Local white guy can't blame Cauthen

The Star reports: A federal judge has dismissed Kansas City Manager Wayne Cauthen from a discrimination lawsuit filed by a former Kansas City aviation director . . . In which he (Russell Widmar) contended that his November 2003 firing by Cauthen was racially motivated.

There is no such thing as "reverse" discrimination . . . It's called payback or in some (most) cases it should simply be labeled opportunism.

Tom Joyner thinks Kansas City might be a model for rebuilding in New Orleans

If he means that this town is flooded with loft and condo scams instead of water than I agree. However, just like New Orleans . . . Kansas City is no longer just a "chocolate city" and is now flooded with Mexicans as well.

A love letter to Katheryn Shields

This super nice piece from The Star labels her a "comeback kid" rather than the queen of controversies. I smell another election season full of endorsement filled reporting from The Star or maybe that could simply be one of Shields' farts. Also, I'm trying to think of a good nickname for Katheryn Shields please let me know your suggestions.

Her hair became tangled in a machine

Local woman almost unintentionally becomes a cyborg.

That's rich

A recent report ranked Johnson County 41st in the nation for per capita income.

In the entire country!!! And I didn't see Jackson County anywhere near the top of that list. Still glad you paid to fix up their stadium? Just wait, you might soon get another chance to make sure their heads are dry and their asses are warm with another go round of the rolling roof vote . . . However, unless they make it legal to mug the people of JoCo I don't know how they'll justify the cost.

Daniel Porter's Kids are most likely dead

Hard to make fun of this story, still I think it should serve as yet another example of why you should not get married. Note: No matter how nice you are, every horrible thing you do during a divorce or immediately after somehow makes sense.

Blunt Supports Strict Child Abuse Bill

Still, I can't help but think maybe his dad should have beat him more . . . At the very least it would have made him regard his popularity or lack thereof a little bit more seriously.

KC Brigade Cheerleaders

You know, it's Saturday and I don't feel like writing anything hateful. In fact, I'm in a pretty great mood so I'll simply present this link to some really great photos of the KC Brigade Cheerleaders and hope it makes you happy as well.

I notice they ask the ladies a lot of silly questions in their profiles but I guess that's pretty standard. In fact, while I was disappointed with most of their choices for "favorite cartoon character" I was impressed by their reading list . . . But then again everybody lies about reading The Great Gatsby and most women hate cartoons and anything else that's fun.

I don't really like that the symbol of this town's arena football team is one of death but all in all a lot of people seem to have fun at the games whether or not the Brigade win or lose. Like every other sports franchise in KC, they mostly lose. I'm sure these women are probably a pretty big part of why people keep coming back. I hope they are paid accordingly, but probably not.

Random thoughts and news

Great stuff from this thoughtful local blogger.

"Rain, rain, I love you, rain"

Go read local blog Pomegranate Pretty. The author is the best thing to cheer you up on a rainy day.

"sweatin the small stuff"

Another classic post from local blog Death's Door regarding KC's old porn scene and (not so) surprisingly . . . How porn doesn't necessarily make people less respectful of women.

"MEXICO Legalizes, But Will T.K.C. Advertise?"

NY Blogger Dallas Penn shares his thoughts about the latest tourism initiative South of the Border. Actually, I think this is enough for many of this nation's casual drug users (more than half of all people under 40) to think about immigrating the other way.

Woman Recovering After Hit in the Face at Royals Game

The only entertaining thing to happen at a Royals game this season.

TKC told you first

Many thanks to the tipster who sent the Funkhouser note my way on Wednesday. Also, the whole world is becoming a tabloid.

Downtown library cafe gets official name

They're going to call it "The Nine Muses." Its unofficial name: "Can we get out of here already? I think I'd be more comfortable at Barnes and Noble."

Lately, the Independence Police Department has been enduring a lot of negative press. It seems like when they aren't initiating a fatal car chase that harms an innocent bystander then they are beating the shit out of white people for simply asking for a form.

Last night's much anticipated late breaking, live investigative circle jerk represents everything that's wrong with corporate journalism. Mainly that it plays to what dumbasses like myself find interesting. I have to admit that my face was pressed against the TV screen waiting for the Independence doughnut eater to hand the hippie his ass. While there might be some pointless debate over whether or not the cop pushed the guy into the glass . . . The video clearly indicates that, in fact, the guy got a minor beat down for taking the wrong tone with the cop and not immediately following orders.

So what?

While the baby beatdown and the guy screaming, "My arm, dude! Don't break my arm! You're ripping my clothes (Dockers)!" Did elicit a chuckle, I didn't see a serious miscarriage of justice.

Thing is, this is such a white, Kansas City, television news controversy because it involves a white guy contending with police brutality and accountability. Any person of color (silly term but you know what I mean) knows that you don't get to ask a cop "Why?" Ever. Not on Cinco De Mayo, not on your birthday. When a cop gives you an order, you follow it or risk dying in a jail cell and then having your demise blamed on you and your parents. That's the practical. Blacks, Mexicans and the poor lowly black sheep of the Asian world (Vietnamese, Cambodian, etc.) deal with the reality of police violence while this story attempts to make a controversy out of the theoretical . . . The way police should respond, what should be the proper procedure for taking complaints, the way an undercover white person gets a beat down. Hell, come to think of it, the hippie reporter type wasn't even representative of the majority of poor whites who get beat down by the fuzz on a regular basis because he wasn't high on meth and shirtless. In the final analysis, watching this white guy take a crack to the head was so out of the ordinary and unrepresentative of the many brown people (and po' whites) who get regular beatdowns by cops that it's akin to the sheer fantasy of a Rocky movie where a white man is capable of fighting for and actually winning the Heavyweight Championship of the World.

I don't pretend to know a lot about the Independence PD because I don't have a substance abuse problem so there is no reason to hang out in that part of town for me. However, what this story makes evident is that every po' dunk city and county that surrounds KC is full of police officers not good, smart or brave enough to cut it in the (relatively) big city. They are glorified security guards either baby sitting rich white kids and protecting McMansions or they are not quite on the level of Barney Fife but have more of a Buford T. Justice kind of vibe. Cops on the outskirts of KC are really only good for writing tickets.

What this story really demonstrates is the lesson that people in this country and this city still haven't learned from AIDS, 9/11 or the war in Iraq . . . Basically that white people don't care about any of the suffering in the world until it happens to them. Still, I guess this story gets people talking about police brutality and the role of law enforcement in addressing complaints . . . Until, a real, brown person is the victim of a similar police beat down and the media and people in their living rooms eventually go back to blaming the person on the receiving end of a nightstick, Taser or bullet.

TFK explains network neutrality

If you want to know how Congress is about to ruin the Internet this post is a brilliant explanation of why so many Internet geeks are pissed. Money line: "This is worth calling a Congresscritter about."

Knight Ridder's websites suck.

Local blogger Joe is starting a one man revolution against one of the worst newspaper chains ever and their crappy websites.

Former Missouri House Member Accused of Theft, False Report

KCTV 5 reports: "A former state legislator who was fined $9,000 last year by the Missouri Ethics Commission for campaign law violations has been charged with theft and filing a false campaign finance report." You know how television news makes you think every minority kid is going to mug you? Well, I know that the many recent reports I've seen about political corruption make me very leery of voting for white guys as well.

Local Credit Card Scam Busted

No, not the one run by the banks.

"Toby Young free on $100K bond"

Sadly, her Dad recently died. Strangely, it wasn't from embarrassment. I also wish her good luck re-entering the dating scene. She'll most likely find it tougher when not playing to a captive audience.

"We've heard it before"

Northeast residents react to the city's new Neighborhood Improvement Program.

Sheri shoots a spider

This is one of the best posts lovely local blogger Sheri has written. There is tension, drama, a scary spider and a noticeable lack of any dude brave enough to deal with the creepy crawly creature in question.

All raffles are ripoffs

A recent Parkville mansion scheme manages to separate fools from their money. This gives me idea, I'll get back to you with more details but I'm thinking about a "Win a Date with Kay Barnes" contest. The "winner" is the one who pledges the lowest amount.

Same old song and dance

Concerning a poor racial report card earned by UMKC, the Star reports that in one of the University halls, more than a dozen black and white students locked hands in a circle Tuesday and sang "We Shall Overcome." Meanwhile a Mexican somewhere on campus was cleaning a toilet.

Still, it's hard to believe that anything so lame went down at my former stomping ground. Normally, I usually enjoy watching interracial action but this seems like a new low when it comes to lame things on that campus. And I thought the anonymous ghey sex that was rumored to go down (no homo) in the library was disgusting. I was wrong, the interracial sing along is much more offensive.

The Zoo gets even more ghey and expensive

The Friends of the Zoo board agreed Wednesday to order the carousel based on a gift of $100,000 by an anonymous donor. The zoo will seek to raise the rest of the estimated $900,000 cost of the ride and a shelter and ticket booth.

"When an appointee of Governor Blunt comes to you, it suggests repercussions if you don’t go along with it"

KCPD Chief Corwin gets dragged into the current Republican controversy regarding lobbyists in Jefferson City.

I could try and make sense of this story but it's not worth it.

Basically, a few people claim that Republicans close to Gov. "Baby" Blunt "persuaded" Corwin to hire a consultant who also has close ties to Blunt. Corwin hired the guy but there is absolutely no way to prove how much he was "persuaded" at all. Frankly, it's hard to see the KCPD as a Republican influenced organization given the pittance that they are paid and their first hand encounters with failed Republican social policy.

In terms of a political scandal this rates around a three on a scale of 10. . . Right below the "significantly fewer" number of Black people who are killing each other on the East side so far this year.

Additionally, I have no idea what exactly a lobbyist does other than get paid. I guess that's good enough.

Elder abuse is not (supposed to be) hilarious

If you caught the story last night of a local 91 year old woman getting a world class ass whipping you probably shuddered a little bit at the prospect of getting old in this society. Let's recap:

When Ruby Shinn was found at her home in the 300 block of East 79th Terrace, the woman told officers she had been assaulted and held against her will by her daughter, Carolyn Hanks, 53.

Hanks was charged with first-degree elder abuse, armed criminal action, kidnapping and unlawful use of a weapon.

According to the probable cause statement, Shinn wasn't let out of the bathtub for a full week -- not even to use the toilet. She was allegedly held at knifepoint, struck on the head and attacked in the arm with a cane, breaking the arm so badly that doctors may have to amputate it.

To the laymen this story may seem horrible and cruel but that's only because so few people spend any real time with the elderly. Of course, few people deserve to be beaten and restrained in a bathtub for a week but I know at least a couple of old ladies who would do good to maybe spend a couple of days rethinking their hurtful remarks in a confined space. Awww, that's not completely true. There is no way I would do something like that to my Grandma. Especially because I think she could still put up a pretty good fight and that walker hurt the last time she threw it at me when I tired something similar.

Anyway, the point is that most people who (luckily) have no contact with the useless elderly think that old people are nice, sweet and congenial. Nothing could be further from the truth. The elderly are mean, bitter, angry and very picky eaters . . . Pretty much like any other person you might run into only smaller and looking like they need to be ironed.

A toy gun, a box cutter and a failed carjacking

What is: All the right ingredients for a typically worthless local TV news crime story.

Goose Shot With Arrow Recovering

Some people just don't know how to prepare kebabs.

KC school bus protest fails

The KCMO School Board voted 5-4 Wednesday night to renew the Durham School Services contract. This is a perfect chance to give your kids a history lesson and tell them about the days when Unions actually held sway . . . Before U.A.W. and American execs worked together to destroy the American auto industry and middle class white guys convinced everyone that unions were commies or outdated.

"Sebelius in ethics trouble?"

This Kansas blogger says it's "penny-ante stuff" concerning a bad link in the sig file of her e-mail. That's why I sign all my correspondence: "You screw me over with this and I have nude pics of your mother that I'll share with the world!"

"Maybe they can create news from up in the sky"

A less than enthusiastic endorsement of KCTV 5's new-fangled news chopper.

"Kansas City has a great auditor"

An answer to the question, "You know you're a nerd when . . ."

New blog: What the deuce?

A new KCK blogger enters the fold. Check out his blog. Good stuff.

Did you get the memo?

There is a document floating around City Hall criticizing City Auditor Mark Funkhouser for not only being a general pain in the ass to our beloved Country Club Kay but also for talking to the press and meeting with Stan Glazer weeks before he made the announcement that he was running for Mayor.

It's a shame because lately Funkhouser has been one of the few honest voices coming out of City Hall addressing the tenuous financial ground upon which KC stands (potholes and bad sidewalks included). I guess he didn't get the memo that all City employees are supposed to do nothing more than cheer for Mayor Kay and her pet causes, bow in her presence and dare not look her directly in the eye.

Obviously, Mayor Kay doesn't want to leave her throne and she's desperately clinging to power like it was a bottle of wrinkle cream.

Royal Pain in the Ass

I love local bloggers (no homo) but I have no idea why they are obsessed with a bunch of local losers pretending to play baseball. Here are the appropriate links:

• "The Royals Need Nerds"


• "How to Improve the Kansas City Royals"


• "And Another One For The L Column"
  

While I may not care much, I admire the passion of these local bloggers (again no homo). The feeling is very much akin to watching lesbian porno which is much more interesting than viewing a baseball game.

KC: The sidewalks suck

A recent survey reports that only 18 percent of Kansas Citians are satisfied with their sidewalks. Surprisingly, only a small percentage of those complaints are because of disregarded drug paraphernalia or the fact that nobody in this town walks and they just don't like what they see from the safety of their car. Still, this is yet another bad mark for city officials (and the people who keep voting for them) who would rather build stadiums and other vanity projects rather than concentrate on this town's infrastructure.

Weathering the storm

The Hurricane is under new management, here's the reaction from a local bloger and longtime 'cane regular Death's Door.

That should teach them a lesson

Local school bus drivers teach kids how to alienate an entire city and take out their problems on children. It's a valuable lesson and I think it's an appropriate introduction to politics. Not that I'm not down with protest and I probably support the drivers along with the majority of this world's population who also have legitimate complaints about low pay, bad working conditions and uncaring bosses.

Note: Like all protests, it didn't seem to make much of a difference. I would never advocate a walkout after dropping kids off in a bus at a remote location but the same tactic seemed to make the Pied Piper stick in people's memory.

I'll take a bottle of anything and a glazed doughnut. TO GO!

One day, I'll understand that line from an ancient David Lee Roth video. In the meantime it's just one of many indications that I'm getting very old. In more a important piece of information the Biz Journal reports that after a successful pilot test, Take Care Health Systems LLC will open 10 health clinics in Kansas City-area Walgreens in the summer.

Is there anything wrong with grave robbing?

In a bit of news that doesn't really matter to anybody not directly involved, KCTV 5 reports that a woman trusted to care for a dying cancer patient was accused of ripping her off.

At first, I know you're initial reaction might be shock or disgust but I've always wondered why cases like these are always treated with such taboo. If the "victim" in question was terminally ill than she obviously wasn't going to need any of her stuff or money in the immediate future. After all, aren't people always saying "you can't take it with you" and similar nonsense when they find out you make more money than them. And to be fair, the glory days of Egyptian kings are over and nobody really expects to enjoy their riches in the afterlife no matter how cool it seems to have all your stuff buried with you along with a few slaves, hookers and children in order to keep you company.

No one has really explained why it's wrong to steal from a person who is dead or going to be dead in about five minutes. Certainly, the British Museum in London has no problem stealing from dead people. So what's the big deal if a local caregiver pilfers a few shekels in order to make rent or add bacon to her burger?

But in the end, I'm sure that every form of stealing is wrong unless it involves oil from a third world country or tax credits in order to build luxury lofts and condos. Old people, the terminally ill and other burdens on friends, family and society should keep the money they have earned. The only people who are really entitled to the funds of the recently deceased are tax collectors and lawyers.

What every Catholic school kid should know

A priest doesn't deserve any more (probably less) trust than any other stranger you would meet. And, you might wanna keep one eye open when receiving communion. The local diocese isn't doing much to instill these lessons so you'll probably have to teach your kid on your own in much the same way you explain safer sex, the futility of married life and the tax free status of the Church.

KC police seek to promote Hispanics

Again, this is yet another happy article from our city wide high school news paper but the gist of it is that yes, in fact, we do need some stinking badges.

City makes progress on Brookside sewer project

The only thing more full of shit than the streets of Brookside after a light rain is this hopelessly optimistic story from The Star hailing the work of Lamar Hunt's shoe shiner Jim Roland. True, there has been a tiny bit of progress made but I can still smell the place come high tide and I'm pretty sure this is just a tiny bit of the billions of dollars of improvement this city's pipes need.

High-Tech Security Keeps Shopping Safe in New District

The Legends has an advanced state-of-the-art security system that mainly involves building the place so far out in the sticks that no minority would dare commute to the place. Enjoy your shopping and the benefits of white privilege.

High Gas Prices Fuel Bus Ridership

This story was great and you missed out if you didn't see the broadcast version. There was some guy who was rapping about the benefits of public transportation . . . Very 1980's McDonald's commercial. Nice to know that being both poor and stupid is something worth composing lyrics about . . . What am I saying? That's most likely the inspiration for all rap tunes along with Vicodin and matricide references when you factor in Eminem.

Now, now don't think I'm calling all bus riders poor and stupid. I'm sure most of them are just poor. By the way, screw the environment.

Police Chase Ends With Fatal Crash

Last night Independence police chased a suspect who was eventually killed when he hit a van at the intersection of 31st Street and Linwood Boulevard. The driver of the van was hurt and police haven't yet said what the chase was regarding but it was clearly more important than the safety of innocent people on the street. A while back there was a movement to curb police chases or at least review the policy that determines when police should pursue on crowded city streets. Sadly, that measure didn't gain much headway and advocates weren't half as interesting as awesome car chases on TV. Still, if local authorities are going to endanger the lives of innocent bystanders on metro streets then they need to make with the entertaining police chase videos in exchange for disregarding public safety.

You will shake your ass!

I'm wading deep in the waters of local hipster culture with this post but an upcoming gig by a local blogger at the Record Bar sounds kind of interesting. Already the local blogger and DJ received a glowing review from The Pitch so you know he is either very good or so cool that they're scared of him. Hopefully both.

Even the Royals promotions are a disaster

The Royals employ discount t-shirts as well as discount players and management. Sadly, stadium improvements will still remain full price. Link via Happy in Bag.

Why Should NewsChopper 9 Land At Your School?

Maybe to give you a ride home if this school bus walk out goes down.

"One-day Walkout"

Local school bus drivers could soon give the KCMO School District and the bus company who employs them an education regarding who is really in the driver's seat. Complaints about poor working conditions and low pay have gone unheard for quite awhile. The district is working on a contingency plan that may or may not involve strapping your kid to a Mexican who will gladly carry you child to school for a cheaper price.

23 Teens Arrested At Leawood Drinking Party

Suburban kids ignore initial warning from babysitters cops under the influence of booze and misconceptions from listening to cRap music. In other news, no matter how badly we feel about them, rich white kids can get away with everything.

35 People Apply To Be Next KC Superintendent

74 percent of them are men; 57 percent are persons of color and 26 percent have a connection to Kansas City or Missouri. 100% of them probably won't be able to do anything to fix KC's hopelessly broken school system that takes care of administrators far better than students.

Court Tosses Law Barring Some Convicts From Ballots

Hooray for Henry Rizzo!

Bill Alter is confused

It's interesting to see that Missouri State Highway Patrol is now enforcing federal immigration laws.

If you wondered why we haven't yet found Osama or made much progress in the campaigns in the Arab world, part of the reason may be because Sen. Bill Alter (R-High Ridge) is mistakenly fighting Mexicans in the war against terrorism. Thankfully, KC Latino leader Cris Medina calls the legislation what it is:

Cris Medina, the executive director of Guadalupe Centers Inc. in Kansas City, decried the legislation as "political grandstanding" and denounced any implication that illegal immigrants are terrorists.

"It is certainly immigrant-bashing, and it gives an undue responsibility to local law enforcement," said Medina, whose nonprofit group provides social services to the Latino community.

Actually, while no one can argue with enforcing the law I have to admit that it may cut down on tourism in the Show-Me State now that any illegals are obviously unwelcome. The only other people visiting the Missouri are looking for Meth or very nasty strip clubs across I-70.

When Stepdaughters Attack

A police standoff ended relatively peacefully after a woman was attacked by her stepdaughter who also brandished a rifle. Considering that most of you will get divorced it's important to know that life with a stepfamily is probably just as bad as the marriage you left. Lonely > Miserable with other people's kids.

KCMO School Bus Drivers May Strike

You just might have to lose your kids and make them late on your own.

The entire Independence police force spent the morning searching for a missing 14-year-old girl

Just like the mumps, Missing White Girl Syndrome has afflicted the region.

Commerce Tower in downtown Kansas City sold for $21 million

For my money, I wouldn't plunk down any cash for a downtown loft or condo just yet considering that there are so many empty ones in this town. Don't panic if you hear any loud noises, it's just the local real estate bubble bursting . . . Okay, maybe you should panic.

Baron BMW opens dealership in Oak Park Mall

They've been displaying their cars in the mall for quite some time but this "boutique-style" store in this town's favorite mall is the first outlet of this kind in the car maker's history. Damn those Germans* are organized, they've now created a place where you can indulge in every greedy consumer fantasy under one roof . . . Much better than being rounded up, dragged to several different locations to labor in the open air while your wallet is being massacred. (It's very hard to make the Holocaust funny.)

*Note: I really do like the Germans. Historically, they are the only white people who like to fight other white people.

Perverts Abound in KC

KCTV 5 provides the sensational details while this local blogger contemplates the many different varieties.

If you build it, whites will come

Everything that's old is new again. The latest trend in KC real estate development . . . Drumroll please . . . Single family dwellings! You know, just like in the suburbs only more expensive and even less likely to host minorities.

Recently, two condominium buildings planned for the River Market East redevelopment have been disregarded and instead the new strategy is reportedly to build 27 detached houses.

The $10 million project would be about one block east of the City Market and immediately west of Bridgeworks Lofts, a new 47-unit condo complex recently completed by Birt at Fifth and Locust streets. The houses will range in size from 1,500 square feet to 1,700 square feet, and the prices are anticipated to be from $350,000 to $450,000.

So if you have nearly a half a million dollars laying around and want to move back to Kansas City proper then you're in luck. Otherwise, you're simply one of the many other KC residents that didn't exactly realize that Country Club Kay's plan to revive neighborhoods in KC was to build new ones for very, very rich people.

125 things we love about KC

I'm composing my e-mail right now:

#124: A monopolistic newspaper that reminds us all of high school journalism classes not because of passion or idealism but simply because it's boring and lacks any semblance of an edge.

#125: No shortage of bitter divorcees in the dating pool just waiting to do something nasty in order to get back at their ex-husbands.

KC Fire Captain Burned by The Star

News has been slow in this town the last week or so. By that, I mean there have been few reports of gossip which is what people really want to read and discuss. Accordingly, The Star decided that it was once again time to dig up something torrid regarding our local Fire Department. I've always sensed some animosity between the two organizations and it makes sense . . . The Fire Department is inhabited by jocular dudes and The Star is home to a lot of effeminate writers so there is bound to be some hard feelings left over from high school days.

In the latest bit of scandal concerning the KCFD, the Star reports that an on-duty Captain has been taking his pumper truck and crew into Lee's Summit to watch his son's high school baseball games.

Twice this month Star staffers saw Pumper 43, based out of Station 43 on Missouri 350, parked in the Lee's Summit North High School parking lot during freshman team games. The school is more than 5 miles from the station's Knobtown location and is about 2 and 1/2 miles outside Kansas City's city limits.

On both occasions, four firefighters in KCFD T-shirts sat in the stands watching the game for about an hour and a half.

I think the saddest thing about this story is that somebody actually got paid to write it.

Thing is, this isn't even close to the worst thing about KC's firefighters that's floating around out there and it's not as interesting as nude pics of skanks visiting fire stations or the department's ongoing discrimination against women . . . I don't want to go into the many faults of the KCFD because I know and reasonably like a few local firefighters but I will note that I don't know of one member of that organization who doesn't fuck around on their wife or get tail on a scale which is comparable to a working porn star. Seriously, I'm surprised they have time to watch baseball with all the ass that is hurled their way at speeds much more rapid than any fastball.

You think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. Hopefully, I won't get in a car accident any time soon but if it happens then I don't want any firefighter giving me mouth to mouth because those fuckers get around. And for that, I guess they have my begrudging respect but I never once believed that their motives for their vocation had anything to do with all that garbage about saving lives or protecting the public . . . Firefighters are in it for the ass and very little else.

Tuition at CMSU will cost $9.50 more per credit hour

A whirlwind 4 years of interracial dating capped off with a useless degree from a fourth rate institution: Priceless.

Good help is hard to find

A local human interest/crime story reveals that a woman was rescued by her boss after a knife attack. It seems heartwarming and sweet but I'm guessing it was just a case of the guy wanting to hold on to managerial control. Once you understand the mindset of management, it's clear that they really do enjoy making all the cuts and they don't want anybody else doing it for them. This story is only provides further proof of that fact.

Also, it's easier to ask people to work weekends when they are drifting towards a warm, inviting white light. Finally, getting emergency medical assistance from your boss is the only upside of the shitty health insurance that most employers now offer.

Mumps up the volume

Okay, that's a stupid headline but it was all I can think of right now regarding the world's most boring plague which predictably lands right here in the Midwest.

First of all, there are a lot of things you should know about the mumps not the least of which is that the poor kid whose medical picture they keep showing doesn't look like he was doing too well before the whole mumps thing caught up with him. Secondly, there are more than 200 cases of the mumps in Kansas and 4 confirmed cases in KC so that means that you can now start using it as an excuse to get out of dates, family gatherings and any stupid movie that your significant other is trying to make you watch.

I'm sure having the mumps is horrible but it couldn't be any worse than sitting through Stick It or Scary Movie 4 . . . Both of which I'd like to see but I can't find anybody to go with me because everyone says they have the mumps.

Town Topics: City of fountains and other stuff as well

• This article lists some of KC's Famous Fountains. The descriptions are pretty good but they don't really capture the underwhelming experience of seeing them in person or the strange looks that you get when you tell out-of-towners that KC has more WORKING fountains than almost any other place in the world.


• KCI reported more passengers last month. If you could've made that bit of news interesting you would have left this town awhile ago too.
  


• In KC, an author defends a controversial book against people who probably never read it in the first place.
  


• More drivers pawning for gas. Switch around two letters and this story is actually interesting. Yes, I saw the headline and I thought it read "pawning for ass."


• Creative parenting solutions highlighted by the media are often only signs that a poor kid was sired by a moron.


• Kansas Marine finds that the only quagmire worse than Iraq is one fought in family court

There is no such thing as a suburban environmentalist

I know there is a temptation to think of the suburbs as a nice place where nice people live. The exact opposite is true. The suburbs, Johnson County especially, are inhabited mainly by people who expect the rest of the world to live in servitude and supply the suburban lifestyle to which they've grown accustomed. This fact is made apparent by the following report from the recent Earth Day activities held at Shawnee Mission Park.

This year I volunteered at KC's Earth Day celebration, providing bike valet parking for the Missouri Bicycle Federation. Unfortunately, Earth Day's organizer's chose to hold in a very bad location at Shawnee Mission Park - a venue way out in the suburban hinterlands that has no access to public transportation and is 45 minutes away from most of the metro area's population.

I think they should have just held the thing at Wal-Mart. It would have made more sense and there probably would be less clean-up. I'm not much of an environmentalist, I don't really care about the ozone and I'm sad to admit that I find videos of hungry fur traders clubbing baby seals somewhat funny. However, I have to admit that I find it a little bit perturbing that the U.S. is not only dependent on foreign oil to support the JoCo lifestyle but also that it's the reason why so many Chinese and Latin American kids get to spend their formative years in sweatshops while the children of JoCo are encouraged to spend part of their day thinking about the environment and then the rest of the day patting themselves on the back for their sacrifice.

Blogger Backtalk: Holy shit local bloggers are writing some great stuff

• The recycling of religious icons in KC. I was going to call this link "Hoping for reincarnation" but I'm too afraid I would go to Hell as a result.


• Saturday Afternoon At Jardine's was inspiring for this local blogger.


• A true fan never gives up. I think that's also the definition of insanity. While I may not care for the Royals, I admire their fans. It's a cruel world given that religious devotion and disappointment so often go hand in hand.


• A commandment from Unholy Moses: "I hate it when life gets in the way of blogging. Solution: Blog about it."


• TFK finds that atheists receive a double standard when it comes to reporting threats of violence in the MSM. But will they receive eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell for all eternity from a merciful and loving God? Isn't it ironic? Don't cha think?

Congress Is Giving Away the Internet

Cable and telco giants want to eliminate the Internet's open road in favor of a tollway that protects their status quo while stifling new ideas and innovation. Think this doesn't affect you? It does. Link via Americablog.

Money where your mouth is

A local nonprofit that ranks companies based on their policies toward women and minorities will officially launch on Tuesday.

Buying Influence Inc seems like a good idea but I always thought that stuff like this could be used as a reverse indicator if you really wanted to throw your business to companies that treated women and minorities like crap . . . But then, other than the insanely low prices supported by Chinese slave labor I'm sure you don't need many other excuses to shop at Wal-Mart.

UMKC and Black Kansas City

This is a great report from KC Currents. Don Matthews the director of the Black Studies Department says that UMKC suffers from institutional racism and relations between the Black community and the local University are in crisis. I'm in total agreement and I can think of two ways that we can immediately work toward fixing the problem:

1. Eliminate the Black Studies Department and try teaching something that might actually help college students attain employment.

b. Bullet Proof Vest Day on Campus. The residents of the East Side would probably appreciate it and it would be welcomed outreach for a professor that has a steady gig, respect, probably a nice office and the balls to bitch about "institutional" racism.

The last time I checked, there were more Mexicans doing the lawn than attending UMKC. And we all know that you basically have to be an Asian Einstein to go far in Higher Ed considering how clumsily affirmative action quotas are implemented. However, in this current climate the professor's frustrations and complete lack of consideration regarding other minority communities (primarily Latinos) are probably reflective of the general feeling that many Black people have toward Mexicans . . . Mainly, that they hate them.

Hooray for pointless rituals that make you wish somebody would shoot you!

Prom goes on for students at Kan. school of foiled shooting plot. Full Disclosure: Because I was/am a nerd, I never went to my high school prom and that is reason #4,298 why I'm so bitter.

A MySpace of a different sort

A local teenager is back in police custody after hiding from police in a crawl space in her boyfriend's house. This isn't really news and of course the young woman is innocent until proven guilty but it does confirm my suspicions that all white women are crazy. However, while I'm not sure this is a mughsot, big up to the young lady for pulling the Tom Delay mugshot smile and avoiding an incriminating photo.

Brick Nearly Hits Baby

KCTV 5 is there bringing you up to the minute coverage that ensures that if you watch their newscast enough your IQ will drop so low that eventually you'll be drooling and living in your own poop very much like a small infant.

Serial Killer Shows Off Good Manners

The BTK serial killer is being allowed some privileges in his prison cell. And the thing is, he actually seems like a decent guy when you don't consider any of that torture and murder that he committed.

I think the moral of this story is that you just never know what people are like behind closed doors. An upstanding member of the community can just as easily be a twisted freak. Also it works the other way as well, people with tattoos really aren't that much more interesting than anybody else.

As always, it's imperative not to judge people on appearances but rather on the brutal murders they may or may not have committed. This is why I'm always nice to librarians. I know that deep within that helpful and intellectual exterior lurks a maniac that would like nothing more than to chop me up into little pieces and index my severed body parts into the 930's (History of the Ancient World) and the 188's (Stoic Philosophy).

"Skirt around the ankles baby"

A great "slice of life" post regarding some of the strange and wonderful things you'll see if you hang around a local Quicktrip long enough.

VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES IN KANSAS CITY

Lend a helping hand to the locals and volunteer for something besides bikini inspector.

Swap more than bad ideas with a local Anarchist

They're calling it the "Kansas City Really Really Free Market!" but it's actually an opportunity to riffle through the leftovers of your friendly neighborhood free thinkers. It's a wonderful opportunity considering that these guys are probably great collectors given the fact that they haven't thrown out any ideology since the 60's.

Breathing popcorn is almost as dangerous as eating it

Strange, I thought the only thing people had to fear from popcorn was the infamous popcorn trick made famous by the (overrated) movie Diner. Turns out, according to a study that was recently presented locally, breathing the stuff might be bad for you as well.

In the spring of 2000, 8 former workers at the Gilster-Mary Lee Corp., a microwave popcorn factory in Jasper, MO, became the source of an investigation into a new and lethal lung disease called bronchiolitis obliterans syndrome, a disease that obstructs the lungs. With the assistance of Parmet and other specialists, an investigation by Centers for Disease Control and Prevention/National Institutes for Occupational Safety and Health led to the discovery that exposure to the chemical diacetyl used in the butter flavoring was the cause.

Strange, and I thought the cause of everything bad at the movies was Julia Roberts. Still, this is important information that you should immediately fail to act on . . . Still, the way I see most people chow down movie popcorn, they don't take much time to breath at all so they're probably safe.

Another insanely ghey headline from The Star

Anybody catch the "Mending a Menagerie" piece yesterday? Seems as if The Star hasn't met a publicly funded renovation project they don't like . . . Very much like a ghey interior decorator when it comes to their writing style, mannerisms and predilections.

I can't stand complaints from (other) bloggers

This article has nothing to do with KC but I thought it would be interesting to a few of you bloggers out there who have thought about giving up the whole thing. Over the years, I've had a lot of thoughts about blogging but I think the most important one is that it shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Democracy doesn't matter in Kansas City

The Star reports that Chiefs Chairman Clark Hunt met with Kansas City business leaders Friday afternoon to discuss options for resurrecting a rolling roof proposal at the Truman Sports Complex.

What this basically means is that your vote doesn't count unless big business leaders in KC approve of the outcome.

In their infinite wisdom, the voters of KC decided that they wanted to keep the teams but they weren't willing to pay for a poorly designed covered wagon for our two stadiums along with a few schemes that probably wouldn't bring as much money into town as promised. It was a good move. However, that kind of decision doesn't sit well with billionaires and their employees (read: Kay Barnes) so we just might be forced to go back to the polls so that all of the money men in KC can count on low voter turnout and apathy in general and the people of Jackson County can pay the yacht club bills of Lamar Hunt and David Glass. If you would like any further evidence that there is a growing divide among the classes in this country, you'd have to look no further than this story of two of the richest men in the country basically imposing a tax on the broke ass people of Jackson County in order to fund their money making operations.

And no, there was no mention of including the people of Johnson County in this new proposal. Bastards.

FBI Building Evacuated

A strange package exploded by the KC Bomb Squad was only a bunch of cell phones.

"On the lookout for a man missing a front tooth and sporting a single handcuff."

For once, an interesting crime story from Overland Park. Mark my words, as gas prices continue to rise, the suburbs will become the new ghettos. More on this later.

Driving me crazy

There have been significant changes to the policies of KC's traffic court. These changes will probably not have any effect on you unless you're an alcoholic or a street racer. If either instance applies, I suggest you seek help or blame your parents for all of your problems.

Here are the changes:

• Limiting plea bargains to two in a 12-month period.


• Restricting deals to speeding up to 15 mph over the limit.


• Banning plea bargains for any DUI, racing on city streets or fleeing police.

Now drive safely folks. You wouldn't want to interrupt your cell phone conversation with a horrible crash.

Shorn at the Barbershop

A local barbershop was robbed. This is not news but it reminds me of how I was robbed not once, but twice by paying admission to see those awful Barbershop movies.

The Digital Divide

They say that there is a "Digital Divide" between rich white people who can afford all of the neat Internet gadgets and the rest of us.

Thankfully, it seems that the gap is closing (no homo). Recently, a group of armed robbers took down the Happy Food Center at 4019 E. 31st St. using guns (obviously) walkie-talkies and a drill to attempt to open the safe. In the end, they didn't get the safe open but they walked away with a few cartons of cigarettes and their faces splashed all over local television screens to boot.

This kind of organization and use of the latest technology from the 80's suggests that the underclass of KC is catching up. Also, while local robberies are usually kind of mundane this photo is great and actually captures the excitement of an armed heist. I think I'm gonna use it for my MySpace profile pic.

Blogger Backtalk: Say what?

Great quotes all around the local blogosphere today. Sometimes (always), it's best to let people speak for themselves and in the last case a cool concert ticket can do all the talking:

• "I'm such an auto whore."


• "It's funny how we whites think the world begins and ends with us."


• "Kansas Irish to go home?"


• "But the one thing I can't stand is kittens."


• Tool coming soon to KC

City says convenience store attracts crime

Downtown liquor store loses liquor license will soon be booted out of the neighborhood in order to eventually make way for criminals who can afford lofts and condos.

Potato Launched Into Daycare

Guns don't kill people. Potatoes might, especially when they are fried. Suburban crime makes me laugh.

Teach your children well

I'm telling you, if you love your kids you'll show them how to properly commit white collar crime:

Ex-charter school head indicted

The Biz Journal reports: "The former head of a Kansas City charter school was indicted Thursday on a charge of embezzling from the school. A federal grand jury also indicted James Elliott Coleman on a separate charge of engaging in mortgage and investment fraud schemes, according to a release from the U.S. Attorney's office."

Forbes ranks Royals 25th-most valuable MLB team

The Kansas City Royals are worth $239 million. However, none of that value is apparent in their pitching staff. 100 more losses this season: Priceless.

Rep. Blunt Adopts Child From Russia

Missouri meet your new governor in t-minus 29 years. Thankfully, at least the 18 month old kid has a little experience being underprivileged, unlike his big brother.

New and Improved Ways to Embarrass your Kids

There is a trend among morons to put their kids in the middle of traffic after a misdeed and make them hold a sign citing their transgression. A KCK man recently made the news for publicly shaming his daughter.

I don't know if this works but it's funny and probably a sign that the parent doesn't have much of an education either. I knew kids with parents like these when I was growing up and it really didn't matter what kind of crazy stunt the parent thought up, the kid usually ended up pregnant, in jail or (even worse) attending a community college. Oftentimes fate is cruel.

I see stuff like this and then I understand elder abuse. I know if this kind of thing happened to me, I could never let it slide and it would all come back 50 years later in front of a long flight of stairs.

Still, without poor parenting choices much of the daily news wouldn't exist.

KC Weekend Show Picks from the Event Driver

Check out the link above for more info:

Robert Earl Keen at The Beaumont...
Watermelon Slim at Knuckleheads...
Nace Brothers at Blayneys...
Clifton Forbis at The Folly...
Valentine & The Ticklers at Plaza III...
Club Wars at Grand Emporium...
Bullets and Octane at El Torreon...
Ida McBeth at Jardines...

Flattering pics of the new Nelson addition

Have to admit it, in this light the place seems to be starting to shape up into something a little nicer than the Butler building it looks like in other photos. But then again, they can make Sharon Stone look attractive nowadays with the right special effects.

New Blog: KC Tripper

Local blogger Lee has a great new blog he's been working on for a few months. Lots of great photos of this town and some pretty great writing. Go read.

When White Kids (Almost) Attack

I'm not scared at all by the fact that five teenage boys were accused of plotting to kill other students in a shooting rampage at their Riverton, Kansas high school and were subsequently arrested yesterday. In fact, I think it's encouraging news. For too long, people have been taught that they should only fear minority kids and now we're learning that white kids are equally scary. Think of this as affirmative action in reverse.

We all know to be weary of Black kids because television news, crime stats, surveillance video and rap music have taught us well. Latino kids aren't as threatening because they are shorter but over the years the Latino youth has painstakingly garnered a reputation as skilled thieves, talented graffiti artists and more recently as the people who will take the jobs you don't want and turn your downtown square into little Tijuana. Recent events have also rendered Arab children as suspect because we all know that the whole "72 virgins" thing taps straight into cerebral cortex of any guy past puberty and there is nothing you wouldn't do if you believed that garbage was the truth. I'd like to lump in all brown (non-Latino/read: mud people) kids into the Arab/terrorist category because honestly, no one can tell the difference between an Indian kid or a Turkish one and most of us believe they should all be serving drinks at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba anyway.

Sadly, Asian kids are noticeably lacking when it comes to the "generating fear" department. Odd because there are some very vicious Vietnamese gangs out there (not even counting the commies) but I don't think any of that registers on the radar when it comes to scurrying back to the car in the parking lot or figuring out which part of the city to avoid. Only Esmie Tseng has done her part to represent her people as fierce but sadly, thanks to a group of mostly white friends, the murder of her mother was depicted as a cry for help and not the hatchet fest it would have been portrayed as had the crime been committed by somebody not as cute.

What I'm getting at here is that Columbine, other school shootings by white kids and this newfound deluge of copycats have put white kids back on the map in terms of young people that are feared by this society. It's been happening over the course of several years with the emergence of goth, skinheads and the dreaded whiggers but now I believe the day is here when white kids have actually become menacing.

This takes me back. Believe it or not I was once horribly afraid of white kids. As the new kid in a Catholic school in a predominantly white part of town they always seemed so athletic and well groomed to me. I heard stories from my other Latino kid buddies how they used to spit on the Mexican kids as they crossed paths on the way home. But over the years, experience taught me that while white kids might have seemed pretty tough it was only because they had rich parents to bail them out. But I digress.

It's a new day and the fact that most parents can't muster up the nerve to control the availability of guns or the actions of their kids means that in a way we have achieved some form of equality for the children of this nation . . . Mainly, we now see that most kids growing up in this country are all potential criminals and that they likely harbor homicidal inclinations and the lack of moral/good/any judgment to avoid carrying out all kinds of shocking transgressions.

Grandview Teacher Among Kindest Kansas Citians

Strangely, Country Club Kay is not on the list despite the fact that she goes out of her way to make local real estate developers happy. We're talking foot massages, back rubs, tax breaks, etc., etc . . .

5 Kan. Students Arrested In Foiled School Shooting

Happy Birthday Hitler, ya bastard. Also, looks like MySpace just might be the new killer app that everybody has been waiting for and also a good way to find someone who is equally lonely, sad and homicidal.

"It is just depressing and driving me to drink more."

Another local blogger shares her thoughts about the Royals.

9 In A Row

It's hard to find good sports commentary from someone whose livelihood doesn't depend on the franchise. I think I've found it here from a blogger who seems to be pretty disgusted with the team as well.

Not My Size

A new play and a documentary examine women's body images. Unfortunately, most women will never understand that the only thing men hate more than fat chicks is women who constantly complain about their weight or the public perception of their fat ass. However, in terms of target marketing this play is genius, seeing as there is no shortage of angry fat chicks who might enjoy a night out at the theater . . . Alone.

More images from the April 10th March

A photo is worth a thousand words and this pic from a recent photo spread by The Pitch pretty much sums up all of my feelings regarding why anti-immigrant (read: anti-Mexican) sentiment is silly, misguided and mostly the domain of sad, bitter people (read: talk show hosts).

"Six-Gun Stan"

Great cover story from The Pitch on Stan Glazer this week.

Layoffs increase in Missouri, Kansas

Unless you own shares in Halliburton it's very hard to argue that the Bush years have been great for the economy.

Woman Holding Baby Robbed In Brookside

Saw this story yesterday and I wondered if it was the same Angela Keck that was the defense attorney of Benjamin Appleby. It looks like her. I'm certainly glad that the lady or her baby were not hurt but wonder if the she'll still try to blame this on Hispanic suspects. Also, Brookside is dangerous after dark . . . That fact is not news.

"I think you're an a******."

Priceless. KCTV 5 reports that they have a letter which cites Missouri Congresswoman Jo Ann Emerson finally giving an honest answer to a pain-in-the-ass busybody who actually took the time to write their Congressperson.

A southeast Missouri man received one from Republican Congresswoman Jo Ann Emerson, but got more than he expected. It got ugly at the end after Emerson said she is "honored to serve as your Representative," followed by "I think you're an a******." (profanity)

It bears Emerson's signature and there's a handwritten note from her which says, "p.s. - please forgive the delay in responding."

First of all, I can't tell you how awesome I think this is . . . Secondly, using this stuff against politicos always backfires because it makes anti-social people like myself only admire them more. I remember a long time ago there was a smear ad showing Kit Bond beating the shit out of some hippie reporter and the guy cried "Get your hands off me Mr. Bond!" I've voted for the guy ever since.

Anyway, people often want a dialogue with their politicians but they don't want an honest back and forth. I applaud the Congresswoman for . . . Well, I just think it's funny and cool when politicos share how they really feel about their constituents. Honesty is so rare nowadays.

Police Seek Stolen Deer Statue

You can look at this two ways: Leawood police go deer hunting for a cheesy public statue because this ritzy suburb can't bear to lose it's luster OR suburban cops get to run an important errand for rich folks in between hassling minorities passing through the neighborhood.

Man Allegedly Shoots at Bounty Hunters, Standoff Ensues

Okay, I'm not for shooting at anybody but bounty hunters always like to brag that they have more power than cops and how exciting their work is and now we see that the run to the police just like everybody else when their job consists of anything more than taking poor minorities back to jail. Domino Harvey these guys are not.

It's Spring Again

Here's a heartwarming story which clearly demonstrates the fact that the weather is finally nice again in the metro area.

Man Robs Ice Cream Shop

Ah, the warmer weather is here and it's about to melt away all progress that local politicos have been bragging about concerning crime/murder numbers. Also, how cold do you have to be to rob an ice cream shop? Finally, I never understood that old kid's song until now . . . There is no way I would ever "scream for ice cream" unless, of course, there was a gun in my face.

New Blog: My Greatest Hits

Great stuff from a local who's just getting into blogging. Go read.

KC's Coming Cash Crunch

Like an overwrought casino gambler, very much like that in fact, Kansas City is about to get squeezed for cash as Federal money begins to dry up faster than the world's oil supply.

A looming fiscal crisis in the federal government could severely impair Kansas City's financial health unless the city government takes precautions, City Auditor Mark Funkhouser warned Wednesday.

Funkhouser, summarizing the conclusions of a financial panel he convened in November, said the nation's long-term debt situation is unsustainable and the city has little margin for error in managing its spending in the future.

You can find the report here or you can simply hope that future plans for both the Sprint Center, the Power & Light District and the upcoming war in Iran go a lot more smoothly than our current quagmire.

There can be only one

Today the Star is featuring the heads of KC's mayoral candidates along with a cartoon body running a race. It's supposed to be clever but it made me think of the movie Highlander and the bloodletting that's soon to follow as the competition gets narrowed down. I won't distinguish between who might and who already is running because if their name is in this article then they are, in fact, running for mayor. Anyway, here's the list so far:

Alvin Brooks, council member

Chuck Eddy, council member

Janice Ellis, children'’s advocate

Stan Glazer, business owner

Henry Klein, businessman

Becky Nace, council member

John Fairfield, council member

Jim Glover, council member

Jerry Riffel, former council member

Joe Serviss, former council member

Katheryn Shields, Jackson County executive

It'll actually be fun watching these people cut each other to pieces or at least more so than watching the sports teams that completely own the majority of the current local public officials.

The history of the N-word

Star columnist examines the long, painful history of the world that ultimately ends with affirmative action jobs for minority columnists.

What Wood Jesus Do

An Overland Park couple claims to see the image of Jesus on a wood panel in their house. The couple is moving so they are having the panel removed and taking it with them.

To me, it makes sense because most white people get so excited about real estate that you would think it's some kind of religious experience. Still, I have to say that I'm a little disappointed that Jesus is hanging out in the suburbs but I understand that we all need a change of scenery and the Big J.C. can't spend all of his time showing up on tortillas.

Trial For Convicted Serial Killer Set For 2008

Slavemaster John Robinson remains in bondage until then . . . Which really isn't much punishment at all considering that he likes that kinda thing.

The Origins of Hip-Hop Conservatism

I wondered if this link from KC Infozine would help to explain why Missouri's most popular blogger Bol hates Mexicans but it didn't.

Audit: KC budget has little wiggle room

Unlike any of the undergarments worn by Mayoral hopeful Kathryn Shields.

Area men get probation for mortgage fraud

Stay in school kids. White collar crime pays much better.

Reminder: Why it doesn't pay to help anyone

They say that there has been an "outpouring of support" in the local area regarding the death/murder of Good Samaritan John U. Now that a verdict has been rendered and Brad Joseph Jones was found guilty of felony first-degree murder, I guess it's time for what many dumbasses call "closure."

First of all, when most people talk about this story (when nobody is looking) it's only to note what a tragic and stupid move it was on U's part to get involved. U died chasing a purse snatcher and that just seems pointless like tipping or using traffic signals. The contents of most women's purses are mostly worthless anyway. There is no way I would die for 19 dollars, a birth control device of some sort and a half a pack of gum. Of course, admirers and other people with 4th grade intellects might suggest that what U really died for is the concept of "doing the right thing" which actually sounds nice if it weren't a horribly dangerous concept that could not only result in dating fat women but also explains why the Royals still manage to sell tickets.

Thief Takes $3 From 87-Year-Old Woman

So that's what human dignity is going for nowadays. Funny, the price seems kind of high to me.

End Game

This is a fascinating post from a local guy on the radio detailing his experience in the business and the various changes both he and the medium have undergone.

How can Missouri create a permanent underclass?

Here's a start: Undocumented immigrants could soon be barred from attending public universities and colleges in Missouri under a bill the House gave initial approval to Tuesday.

Profit from their cheap labor. Take their money to fund Social Security. But don't let them try and make any advancement in this society. You might as well beg for a criminal class.

Additionally, I'd like to meet the pollster who figured out that the Republicans didn't need the conservative Latino vote. Big mistake. Huge. And please don't show me any made-up poll from Zogby because you would be arguing with a conservative Latino who has voted for and supported a great many Republican candidates . . . Previously. Seriously, whoever came up with this wedge issue stance over immigration never took into account the horribly long memories of Latinos. Heard anything from Jack Kemp lately? Also, Krazy Kris Kobach must not look at the demographics citing the many rich Latinos in JoCo who still have enough cajones to vote against him and will most likely continue to do so.

Glazer again joins field for KC mayoral race

If anybody has pics of last night's party I'll be happy to post. Seriously, this is the only person I'm even thinking about voting for . . . No joke.

Black ventures take root in KC

The Star reports that African-American businesses are doing better in metropolitan Kansas City than many other places.

True Value on offensive in battle against big rivals

Local hardware store could try this new ballsy slogan: "At least we don't have Mexicans waiting out in front of our store!"

He's got the Posthuman Blues

I alternate between grave misanthropy and chomping-at-the-bit optimism.

This post is one of the best things I've ever read on Mac Tonnies blog.

Irish Cream Ale available in 2 new locations

Too busy to make drunken Irish jokes . . . Have to go run and do some drinking inspired by this link.

Woman Gets 'Terroristic' Easter Basket

The Easter Bunny is a motherfucker. Also, I always thought it was too reminiscent of the Easter holiday's pagan roots.

Coffee Girls robbed

Hope this doesn't mean trouble brewing for hipsters on the Boulevard. It's a great place and they make a pretty awesome cup of coffee even if all of the ladies working there mistakenly think my swarthy Mexican ass is about to rob the place when I visit.

Who can resist Mike Sanders?

This is probably the afterbirth of the "Sanders Report Card" controversy. Apparently, there is a theory floating around that the first report card was righteous criticism but the second was a decoy intended to destroy the credibility of the first report. Sadly, this theory overlooks the fact that anything that's unsigned is basically garbage. Anonymous has a few great quotes but for the most part he's basically full of shit. Here is the basis of the cloak and dagger Wheeler endorsement Sanders Report Card conspiracy:

With some help from Steve Glorioso (i.e. he actually figured it out) the case has been cracked.

The Report Card came from this address: sanders-inexpierenced@hotmail.com.

The Child Story came from this address: sanders--inexpierenced@hotmail.com.

Here is the full text of the e-mail that just might expose the mystery that doesn't seem to be intriguing anyone in particular. The names and e-mail addresses have been deleted to protect the innocent, the naive, the dumb, Doc Wheeler's prostate, the awesome TKC tipsters (thanks!) and the many, many people who dick around too much on the Internet.

Review: Here's my first post on the subject.

Lights out in Roanoke

Local crooks are stealing porch lights in Roanoke. What the hell would you do with a stolen porch light? They are worth like 5 bucks and they're usually covered with dead moths after about a week in springtime. Obviously, these guys are somehow connected to the underpants gnomes.

Teens Plead Not Guilty to School Shooting Plot

Thank you God that I'm not a teenager right now. As many horrible things that I uttered under my breath about my teachers I'm sure I'd still be in jail if people were as frightened of kids then as they are now.

Suffer the children of KC

The Kauffman Foundation Partnership for Children recently conducted a survey which examined the fears of local teenagers. Nothing groundbreaking, pretty much the standard teenage complaints having to do with the fact that nobody listens to them and they are very afraid of sex.

But the other four fears in the top five list are all sexually related: getting an STD, getting AIDS, getting pregnant, and being raped or date raped. Partnership for Children says schools and parents should not ignore these concerns.

Correct, these concerns shouldn't be ignored, in fact, they should continue to be exploited as teenagers grow into adult voters who can be swayed by the threats from Mexicans who want to have sex with your family and married homosexuals who are most likely the reason why Iraq is falling into Civil War.

Five Arrested in Kansas City After Suspect Shoots At Officer

The shooting was at the scene of a local drug bust. All five suspects were either on foot or on bikes as they fled.

Vice President Uses Fort Riley Visit As Morale-Booster For Troops

This headline certainly boosts my morale, it's one of the few times I've read about Fort Riley without also reading the terms "soldiers from" and "killed." Good news indeed.

KCP&L starts wetland project at power plant

The Biz Journal reports this news that won't make you breathe any easier: "Kansas City Power & Light Co. on Wednesday will start developing a 106-acre tract of wetlands adjacent to the site of its new coal-fired power plant near Weston, Mo."

Police Detonate Suspicious Device In Driveway

I'm working on getting one of those bomb squad robots to go to family gatherings for me. I'll put a suit and tie on it along with a goatee and program it to nod its head and smile . . . I doubt anybody will notice the difference.

Girl Escapes Attempted Abduction

Two men attempted to abduct a 12-year-old Independence girl.

The Confederate States of America

No, not the mockumentary of a Civil War victory by the South. Instead, Kansas Blog Red Letter Day ponders the amazing amount of influence wielded by The Southern Baptist Church and the South on this nation's politics.

The states that used to be part of the Confederacy are dominating America's political and social culture.

The guy might be onto something. Not only has this country been subjected to horrible politicians from the South but now we are forced to endure the atrocious rise of Southern Rap.

"Phill Kline loses badly on federal teen sex case"

Lawrence blogger Josh provides the links and the details regarding a recent ruling which stated that the Kansas Attorney General overstepped the intent of lawmakers in a legal opinion concerning the sexual privacy of teenagers.

Kansas City Wildlands

Not the East side. This local blogger provides details on a local group "devoted to preserving a few spots in this city where nature consists of more than zoysia and skinny bradford pear trees with plastic pipe around their bottoms."

Here's a link to the blog of local artist Parrish Baker

You might be familiar with his work "Sparrow's Fall," But if you don't already read his blog than now is a good time to start.

200 women from KC area were involved in cancer study

Like most links, I didn't bother reading this story but I thought it was important enough for me to mention that TKC loves the titties.

Talent leads McCaskill in campaign funds race

However, the wicked witch of the Midwest still has plenty of tricks up her . . . Ugh, don't even want to think about that.

Another "Columbine" in Platte City ?

Fortunately, the Midwest is too muggy for trench coats and the Matrix Trilogy actually sucked when you consider the horrible ending.

Man Beaten With Baseball Bat

Unfortunately, it was a KCK man and not one of the KC Royals pitching staff.

"Vandalism Equals Free Speech"

The Whole Wheat Blogger comes up with a killer post regarding a recent abortion/free speech controversy.

Moronic Drivers around the Metro

This local blogger puts together a great lists of local places where you are in danger of interrupting a woman in the middle of an important cell phone conversation.

"Irish Conversation in the American Midwest #4"

I bet all the dumb questions are worth it when you factor in that the accent is one of the best ways in this country to get laid.

Portion of 12th Street Closing

These closures are necessary for telecommunication conduit, water main and storm sewer construction for the Power & Light District and also in tribute to Country Club Kay so that she will not eat local babies.

Kansas Governor Signs Bills to Protect Kansans, Animals

Scruffy's Law among 11 bills signed . . . Your chance to torture animals is over unless you order the veal. Mmmmmmmm veal.

Murder Trial Begins In Purse-Snatching Case

Does justice do a dead do-gooder any good?

Kansas City anti-immigration protest was a resounding failure

I drove past yesterday's anti-Mexican rally in Kansas City and I saw around 200 people gathered around the J.C. Nichols Fountain in Mill Creek Park. Channel 9 counted 400 protestors but I think they were including the joggers. Anyway, that's about one tenth of the people who showed up for just one of the immigrants rights rallies held recently.

To be fair, everyone at Mill Creek yesterday was white, looked to be affluent and probably was able to vote so that definitely gives them an edge but the crowd seemed just about the same size as the protests against the war in Iraq that everybody in KC ignores.

Actually, this was kind of encouraging. First of all it tells me that Spanish language radio has a lot more power than I realized and that nobody listens to Jerry Agar. Also, it seems that it's harder to spread hate on the street than I had originally thought. Anti-Mexican rhetoric and one-sided reporting is easy to tune into in the privacy of your own home, in your car and, of course, on the Internet . . . But it's another thing to identify yourself with that kind of mean spiritedness and reactionary thinking in public. Also, I'm guessing that people had a few things better to do than try to ensure that the price of a cheeseburger is raised to $10 on such a nice afternoon.

Finally, I would love nothing more than a 2,000 mile wall at the Southern Border because I always thought there should be a monument to American xenophobia and a sign to indicate that when it comes to brown people, this country has learned nothing from the Chinese or the people who once lived with the Berlin Wall.

Because Tony Gotta Eat Too!

To my surprise, as I was surfing the web last night I discovered that Jason Kottke had completely sold out and he's soon to start taking advertising on his page. Of course, it's in the most ghey method imaginable but I digress . . . The point is . . . I put a(n) (un)reasonable amount of time into this page and more than a few people read this dinky little blog so I feel that I deserve to cash in on their eyeballs as well. I could dress up that sentiment (but I won't) with talk of being a "content provider" and being "relevant" because when you type "Kansas City" and then something nasty or racist into a search engine this page comes up quite a bit. But the simple truth is: People read this blog who are interested in Kansas City, those people often click the links on this page for various news items and other stuff associated with Kansas City. So, if you put your ad on this page and it has something to do with KC then there is more than likely a chance that they might do the same for you . . . Or at the very least, a few of the several thousand individual users who visit this humble blog every week will know you exist.

Now, I don't really know what the Hell Web 2.0 is and you probably don't either but it's certainly not important, won't help you earn a dime and will not lead to a white woman showing you her panties. The only thing I'm certain of is that porn is the most profitable thing on the Net and everything else is simply corporate people, their acolytes and a bunch other geeks that I wouldn't trust to make my sandwich betting on the future.

So in that spirit, I'm (not so) proud to announce that I am accepting (begging) for advertising and I hope that local businesses will support one of the few news and opinion outlets in this town that isn't run by a major corporation based in a city far, far away.

And now here's the rub.

Here's the following things I won't do for your filthy ad money.

• Won't alter my content one bit.
• Won't tone down my predilection for photos of white women in various states of undress.
• Won't respect Italian culture/heritage or their significant contribution to American society and the world.
• Will not "back off" from insulting the looks, policies or haircut of INSERT THE NAME OF THE LOCAL POLITICO WHO YOU MISTAKENLY SUPPORT.
• Won't censor the comments.
  

Basically, I won't change anything about this blog. If you're worried about the content than you shouldn't advertise on this blog but then you might want to consider the fact that as many times as I've been noted as racy or "pornographic" I've never offered a way for my readers to make direct contact with prostitutes like The Pitch and I've never directly e-mailed my readers to sway their vote like The Star.

Rates? Low. I don't need tax problems and I know I'll never get rich from this page. For the time being . . . Here is the fee structure:

All of the ads will go on the sidebar above my favorite local blogs

125 x 125 IMU - (Square Button) $20 a month.

120 x 240 IMU - (Vertical Banner) $25 a month.

Text Links - $20 yearly.

My expectations? Few really. This blog doesn't get an amazing amount of traffic but it is very focused. And I'm always surprised who is reading it. I receive regular hits from just about every major company in this town along with every college. Devry people HOLLA! This blog will never warrant a demographics study but I'd guess that most of my readers are white, male, have enough money to own a computer and afford Internet access and are probably bored at work or in between looking at porn.

Payment method: E-mail me and we'll talk about it. Probably Paypal.

Ad format: .jpeg or .gif, if you need help I'm horrible with design (as you can see) so you should contact Smartboy Media.

So there you have it. Honestly, I think ad money might not only reinvigorate this site but also allow for some more "dynamic" content options. Meaning: I've been wanting to buy or take photos or more local skanks ladies.

Thanks for your time. We now return to your regularly scheduled ranting.

Kansas Political Fundraising

TFK provides some valuable info regarding the cash floating around Sunflower State. That guy is the money.

Lenexa Woman, 51, Gives Birth To Girl

Or Channel 9 Health report is the best source of false hope for career women around the metro.

Police: Man Uses Backhoe To Steal ATM

Clarification: He used a large piece of machinery . . . He did not tell a ho to get back into the convenience store and steal money. Also, the crazy bastard apparently "jumped into the river" after a police chase.

Body Exhumed From KCK Backyard

The dead guy's cousins are named as persons of interest. "Family burial plan" gets new twist.

Five Students Charged

Five middle school students in Johnson County were charged with threatening their teachers. This is important because it's the first case of anybody being afraid of kids who go to school in Johnson County.

11-Year-Old Stabbed

KCTV5 reports: "An 11-year-old boy was taken to the hospital after being stabbed late Sunday night."

Blunt Named As One of Ten Who Made a Difference

Thought you'd like to see the other nine:

9. Re-run from "What's Happening!"
8. Debbie Gibson
7. Saddam Hussein
6. Ray J. Johnson
5. Typhoid Mary
4. Pol Pot
3. Idi Amin
2. Stalin
1. Hitler

"I'm seriously getting to the point where anyone under the age of 18 pisses me off to the point where I want to peel my own face off and eat it."

A great "slice of life" post from this local blogger. Check out the post or other "poser-isms" that will make you cringe.

Does size matter?

Yes, I hate women with big feet. Also, unless you're talking about wallet size women can get used to anything. However, in this case we're referring to the incredible shrinking Star. A local blogger reports:

The paper will be sporting a new design and, most noticeably, it will be 18.6 percent smaller. The Home and Comics sections in this week's paper are advance sections that show what the entire paper will look like next month.

In the future, The Star will be so small that it'll be the size of a micro-chip so that it can be implanted in your head and then Steve Glorioso can save time and simply tell you what to think with the push of a button.

"I knew I should have gone into real estate."

For those of you considering going into nursing, this is a more honest glimpse at the career path you've chosen than the information provided by people who are also trying to get you to apply for more student loans.

KGB Roundup

Not exactly what you think . . . A local blog provides a ton of links regarding a group of Kansas bloggers who are anything but commies.

Sightseeing in Kansas City

Working on motorcycles, eating meat and gawking at hookers. The weekend as described by Death's Door makes everything you did seem akin to needlepoint or tea with Nana.

Afterwards we decided to call it a day but not before showing the cat in the back seat a tour of Independence Avenue here in town. Independence Avenue back in the day was one of the showpiece avenues in Kansas City but since has kinda taken a downward turn. But it's still one of the most alive areas in town and good for people watching and seeing hookers and such.

While the local blogger rightfully advises against doing anything more than watching he does provide a tip that will keep you out of jail and off of John TV: "If the chick looks remotely like someone you'd entertain the thought of fuckin, she's more then likely a cop."

A BIG ONE MONDAY!

If for some lame reason you haven't yet checked out The Big Dumb Fun Show then tonight would be the perfect night to do it. Tonight, C.C. Deville from Poison returns which in and of itself makes the program just as interesting (more actually) than anything on VH1.

Holy Hell I hate Springtime in KC

Religious holidays are always a great time to give thanks even if you're not sure what in the Hell it is you believe or for what you should be thankful. Right now my sinuses are killing me so much that I'm tempted to remove them with a fork. I've gotten the same sinus cold at the beginning of Springtime for a little more than ten years. It's the result of getting kicked in the face by a group of young, local Italian rivals. In the resulting decade, during this time of year I have made it my mission in life to memorize by heart any and all meanspirited Italian jokes BUT this is Easter weekend so I'll forgo my usual hilarious racism if only for a moment. Also, in upbeat and positive Italian news, this season of the Sopranos might be the best one on record. The episode involving Tony's near death experience was one of my all time favorites. Midwesterners might have recognized and important plot point has regional significance. An "Ojibwe" saying on a corkboard in Tony Soprano's hospital room is both poignant and appropriate to mention on this Easter holiday:

"Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky."

Midwesterners may not recognize the term "Ojibwe" right away until it's noted that the name of the tribe is simply a derivation of Chippewa. A Midwestern blog notes, "The Ojibwe variation was used by French fur traders and missionaries, whereas Chippewa was how the English and American ear heard the same word." Because I know a little bit about the history of the Native Americans I'll simply overlook the fact that the celebration of this nice bit of spiritual insight comes only after a large scale effort on behalf of this nation to exterminate the Native American people and strip them of the very spiritual beliefs which we now broadcast to millions . . . But like I noted previously, I'm trying to keep things upbeat this Easter.

What's more important is that I am thankful that this horrible, annual sinus cold isn't the mumps (hopefully) and that I am now assured that I have the world's most wonderful girlfriend after she nursed my whiny ass last night, fed me crackers, made me tea and tolerated my constant complaining about my leaky, disgusting head that was undergoing so much pressure from pollen and the like that I was sure it was going to explode.

Yes, this Easter I have many things for which to be thankful and I'm sure you do to . . . If not for the Big J.C. then for the free candy. And even if that "great wind" is full of all kinds of allergenic irritants . . . It's still nice to know it's there . . . Happy Easter bitches. God Bless.

Mumps in Kansas City

City Hall has the mumps. Or at least one case. Don't expect to see me for awhile. I'm going to hide in my underground lair aka my mom's basement.

Hospital Hill Street Project Begins

Crackhead prostitutes, street hustlers and the homeless urged to engage in a little Hospital Hill Run of their own and make way as work will begin April 17 on the corridor improvement project for 22nd Street to 23rd Street in Kansas City's Hospital Hill neighborhood.

Local Woman Shot In The Hand

Don't try this at home kids or if you do please use a paper tube while closing one of your eyes and not a firearm.

Rape victim sues KCK school district

From The Star: A lawsuit alleges, "The Kansas City, Kan., School District was negligent when it allowed a girl to leave with a man who later was convicted of raping her."

Downtown library cafe now open

Order the espresso because it's the only thing with an aroma powerful enough to mask the piss smelling homeless dudes who hang out there as well.

Katheryn Shields Running for Mayor

Actually, it's more of a waddle with lots of breaks for soda and nachos. Holy Mother of Ass people this is bad news. I know the guy used to run a comedy club but more and more the candidacy of Stan Glazer is starting to look like the only campaign that isn't a joke.

Man Killed by Train in Johnson County

A sad story to be sure. Thankfully it's not the gravy train of Jackson County supported construction contracts awarded to JoCo firms and residents or our recent decision to finance their pro-sports entertainment.

"Nah, where's your God now Moses?!"

Edward G. Robinson delivered what had to be the best line in any religious movie ever made (above) in his part in The Ten Commandments. Similarly, I missed linking a story about the roof of a local church collapsing yesterday because it was a little to sappy for me to take seriously, very much like the wounded goose story that is only news to crazy people who try to find patterns in the daily paper.

Anyway, as we approach Easter I very much doubt I'll be going to Church but I will partake in a few of my favorite religious films. Here's a sampling:

• The Last Temptation of Christ - This is probably may favorite Easter flick because I imagine if in fact there was a guy named Jesus walking around telling everybody he was the son of God then most if not all people would have called him crazy and given him endless amounts of shit. Money line: Harry Dean Stanton's character tells The Big J.C. gone the alternate route: "If you didn't exist, I would have to invent you." Never before and not for a long time will a movie be so perfectly blasphemous . . . Unless you count Glitter.


• The Last Supper - Not really religious but full of ethical dilemmas.


• The Passion of The Christ - Now this is horrible but I always cheer and yell "Get that motherfucker! Get it!" during the scourging scene to the horror of anybody I'm watching it with . . . Mostly because it's funny remembering a whole nation get riled up over badly used stage blood and overacting in what was essentially a low budget movie with great grass roots marketing.


• Spartacus - The only epic which doesn't feature the Big J.C. . . . Actually quite moving even with the insane accent of Kirk Douglas and his out of place buzz cut.


• The Day the Earth Stood Still - The best all time Jesus flick ever made. Science Fiction rules because it doesn't have to wear it's ethos on its sleeve like most major religions or political parties.

Feel free to add your own favorites in the comments.

Should Kelsy Stelting be charged with a crime for her role in her kidnapping hoax?

The members of KC Talk (including myself) sit around and think of appropriate punishments for naughty young white women. Actually, the young woman in question is still a minor so I think that anything we come up with is strictly for role playing purposes or down time while waiting in the grocery line. "Ahem, no excuse me Madam I am not trying to sneak or cucumber (or half roll of certs) out of this store."

Man Accused Of Punishing Child With Hot Sauce

Sadly, there are such weird ways of marketing stuff I'm sure that some advertising executive is sitting around right now and trying to think of ways to make this work to the company's advantage. Hell, they used to promote salsa with references to lynching so it's really not that much of a stretch. Instead of "get a rope" there could be a series of commercials touting the brand and it's "abuse" of the competition or noting that the hot sauce is so good it's downright abusive.

Lawyers Upset Over Appleby Trial Date

There is no way they are going to be able to pin the crime on Latinos (possibly probably undocumented) in such a short time.

Woman Behind Sextuplet Hoax: "I Need Help"

Maybe she should think about setting up an online donation page so we can all chip in.

"The only choice these people want you to have is the one they choose for you."

"Thou Shall not Suck" finds it hard to keep the faith in light of recent political events in the Show-Me State.

"PAC finally on the way"

The high class of KC put their money where your mouth isn't. In other news, homeless people and those having trouble keeping up with rising fuel costs can go fuck themselves.

"But I am saying this as a Republican . . ."

Money Line: If we white folks True American Patriots of America want to change things, we'd be better off staging a national week of protest where we boycott the big boys like Walmart. Because until we put our money where our mouths are, not a damn thing is gonna change. Quite possibly, the only reasonable anti-immigration sentiment I've read in a week.

New blog: Get to the Center . . . Come with the real

This guy comments here sometimes, he scares me but he's funny too. You'll find his latest post on the Royals NY losing streak both accurate and hilarious. Go read.

Sanders Slander?

I like to give Jackson County Prosecutor Mike Sanders a hard time because I think he looks like Dieter from Sprockets but an e-mail that is circulating among the political set in KC is drawing condemnation and charges of slander and libel.

Here's a sample of the offending e-mail:



If you like looking at hate tracts here is the "Sanders Report Card" in it's entirety:

SandersReportCard.jpg
SandersReportCardPage2.jpg
SandersReportCardPage3.jpg

Already the "newsletter" has been condemned by the CCP and the e-mail is pretty much regarded as hateful garbage . . . In other words, politics as usual in Kansas City.

Note: The newsletter quotes this page but nobody talked to me about it. Additionally, I may not have received every page of the newsletter because I can't seem to find the "made up sick baby story." So let's call this news item . . . Developing . . .

Update #2: The passage I excerpted actually came from the First Edition of the "Sanders Report Card." Also, there is a very apologetic e-mail floating around the local net vehemently apologizing for the content of the e-mail or at least for distributing it. The guy proclaims, "Be assured that my first and only attempt at political satire are over."

That's right, leave it to the professionals pal!

Not one Royals player or Chiefs starter is registered to vote in Jackson County

Our "Major League City" made a major mistake by believing for a second that pro-athletes give back to this community for any other reason than good PR or a tax break.

Bollywood in Overland Park

Because I don't want this to turn into the "Viva Mexico" blog I'm offering up this link to a great local story about Kansas City's Indian community. However, I must warn that the story reports on singing and dancing brown people to which a few angry white people might still object because it's not cRap music that they can easily co-opt.

How many people really listen to Jerry Agar?

KMBZ-980 talk show host Jerry Agar may be dumb but he's also brave. He did live a broadcast from the immigrant rights protest where he had his ass handed to him by several members from the crowd but that has not discouraged him. Obviously, the guy wasn't accustomed to having people disagree with him or stray from the GOP talking points. Still, he's back in action and promoting anti-amnesty rally at Mill Creek.

This is a risky move because there is always that chance that white people will have something better to do on a beautiful Springtime afternoon than hang out with a bunch of angry people protesting in favor of higher prices and bland food. Additionally, if turnout is low then what does that say about the influence of talk radio when a Mexican radio station broadcasting with a tin can and string can net a bigger turnout than a supposedly major media player in this market? As always, we'll see . . . There is allegedly some big backlash against the immigrant rights movement so there could be a renaissance of angry white people not seen since the McCarthy era but then again there's always the chance that white people would rather enjoy their disposable income rather than trying to make sure there is less of it.

Even so, and I'm sure of this, there is no way that the talk radio audience will net as many young people as I viewed in the crowd at this week's immigrant rights rally. It's simply a case of demographics and a quick glance at the future. Just look at the angry, old people who show up at the racist rally (that's right, I went there) and you'll see a stark contrast from the mainly young Latino crowd that comprised a great number of those opposing the "gated community" vision endorsed by the "people who don't know how grocery stores supply food" crowd.

Police officer uses defibrillator to revive motorist

New equipment works better than a Taser but it's not nearly as fun.

FBI investigates Missouri lobbying

Effects of the Abramoff scandal turn up months later in the Show-Me State like some kind of fashion trend.

Mumps outbreak a medical mystery

Except to those of us who obsessively wash our hands and fear all of the germs carried by you filthy people. In other news, weakest plague ever still manages to contribute to my germ-o-phobia.

Man Accused of Raping Baby-Sitter

Overland Park drama ends in plea deal, drug and alcohol evaluation and a psychological review.

Kansas and Missouri Video and Film Production Notes

Surprisingly, it's not all amateur porn.

Two Men Accused of Using Lawrence House to Grow Marijuana

Reports indicate the house was pretty plush and next to a golf course. Rumor has it that golfers noticed that their scores plummeted when they approached the house but nobody seemed to care much and they often got hungry soon thereafter. Additionally, here is a visual approximation of the suspects:

Couple Offers Tearful Apology For Sextuplet Scam

The term "crybaby" doesn't begin to sum up this story.

Rusty's Rules for Loud Apartment Sex

This local blogger posts and amazing account of his experiences with screamers and a guide to etiquette in situations where loud sex and paper thin walls make roommates uncomfortable or make your partner seem like more of a whore than she actually is . . .

The Flying Spaghetti Monster irks Kansas Board of Education Member

What I think is even funnier is that the guy who came up with this is getting a book deal for his spaghetti scripture. And I wonder if the book will be shelved next to religious fiction.

Did I forget to mention it was Holy Week?

Here's one of the few bloggers I could find who did. Godless bastards!

Local pinhead almost used as piñata

Let it never be said that I don't examine both sides of the issue. A local dolt was almost the victim of violence and he merits nearly as much news coverage as the immigration march/rally itself.

Matney said people pushed him around until a parade marshal dragged him back up to the sidewalk. Then police pulled him across the street and told him he would be arrested if he did not leave.

"There were a couple of people holding on to me, pulling me out," Matney said. "They were saying, 'Yeah, this is for you, for your protection. You shouldn't be down here. Why did you come down here?'"

Parade Marshal Charles Lona says the rally was peaceful except for the one incident, which barely lasted five minutes.

Wait, here's the money line: "Matney says he was surrounded by 100 or more people. Lona says about 12 were hassling him. Matney says despite his anti-immigration views, he is not a racist - he says he has a Latina fiancé." While I'm surprised that the guy has a girlfriend at all I always have to laugh when I hear white people deny their racism. It's funny, just like a crazy person never admits they are crazy. Additionally, I have had my ass kicked by many Mexicans (relatives mostly) and it never made the news.

Here's a tip, if you're in favor of rounding people up, building a ridiculous wall, stripping mostly brown people of meager benefits then you are, in fact, a racist and that's cool. Admit it and let's work from there . . . It's simply a waste of time to advocate what basically amounts to ethnic cleansing and then to go on and talk about what a great person you are . . . In much the same respect, Mexicans are most likely are out to steal your job and have sex with your daughter. That's always been my aim.

Paddy wagon hits night-time bicyclist

When the KCPD attacked old ladies you said nothing, when they shocked the life out of a drug addict this town stayed silent. Now the local authorities have taken their wrath out on this towns bikers (not the cool ones, but the lame people who enjoy fresh air and exercise rather than real bikers who enjoy whiskey, Meth and herpes). Bike Friendly KC may be a misnomer but the blog does provide the rundown on this police rundown.

The grass is greener and so is the money

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics in the third quarter of last year Johnson County had the highest average weekly wage in and around the Kansas City area. What this means is that if you don't live in Johnson County then you are most likely poor, stupid and probably ugly. I live right in the middle of Kansas City so what that means for me is that on one side I can peek over at JoCo and see the promised land of milk and honey and white women with a lot of disposable income and then I can look the other way and see the East side of KC which is mostly a barren, desolate waste land that hosts nearly all of the crime in the area. One place is occupied by Black people and one by white people. I could come up with all kinds of stupid reasons about why there is such a disparity but the important thing to remember is that there is actually a great disparity and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

As the white people of Johnson County continue to amass their wealth it's important to examine how the rich got rich and why they keep getting richer. Of course, a lot of wealth is inherited but that doesn't explain it all. There are doctors and lawyers in the Golden Ghetto of JoCo and they have made vast fortunes by profiting from the misery and anguish of others while rarely providing a cure or resolution to their suffering. There are many employees of multi-national corporations residing in JoCo who have an intimate knowledge of all the shady practices of their companies undertaken overseas and fraud right here at home but that probably doesn't make good dinner conversation. Also, it's imperative to remember that only a few hundred years ago there was nothing but Native Americans roaming around these parts but now all of those people are dead because the forefathers of the citizens of JoCo killed them. Finally, while I've heard that JoCo does have pretty high taxes it's worth remembering that none of them go to pay for any significant culture attraction in the area; that burden has been passed along to the people of KC proper.

So what people in KC must then realize is that over the past decade the leaders of this city have basically set up this town to capitalize on the "tips" and disposable income of JoCo rather than build and maintain our own city. That's why we have a renovated and beautiful Union Station but sewers that are overflowing with shit and rats. It's not simply a case of envy but rather an acknowledgement that JoCo was built on the back of KC. KC has not only paid for their entertainment but also given tax breaks to their employers while JoCo citizens scurry back to their hinterland hideaways after basically looting money out of KC. Obviously, the "tip jar"/vanity project mentality of elected officials has not panned out since almost every major attraction built with taxpayer money in KC is in the red. Sure, there has been lots of buzz, lots of visitors but nothing close to a sustainable economic model. Only the casinos have proven to be a tax abated success and most of the profits from that endeavor are funneled back to Satan or other gaming industry execs. In short, it's moronic for people like me to deride the successful, well paid people of Johnson County because all I'm doing is disparaging all of the hard work of Kansas Citians that made it possible.

Go see KC

A local blogger returning from LA asks "If you lived in LA, would you think of vacationing in Kansas City?" To which I answer, "You'd probably be disappointed that we also have a bunch of Mexicans here too."

The defiant individualism of Kansans

Local blog "Happy in Bag" profiles an artist from the Show-Me State and features a pretty funny photo of a work mocking her Queen Highness Sebelius.

Bad Artists Battle for spot in Brookside Art Annual

I don't know art but I know that I like and I don't like standing next to sweaty white people who have had one too many glasses of wine and are talking about post-impressionism just loud enough so that I'll hear them and be impressed.