Mumps up the volume

Okay, that's a stupid headline but it was all I can think of right now regarding the world's most boring plague which predictably lands right here in the Midwest.

First of all, there are a lot of things you should know about the mumps not the least of which is that the poor kid whose medical picture they keep showing doesn't look like he was doing too well before the whole mumps thing caught up with him. Secondly, there are more than 200 cases of the mumps in Kansas and 4 confirmed cases in KC so that means that you can now start using it as an excuse to get out of dates, family gatherings and any stupid movie that your significant other is trying to make you watch.

I'm sure having the mumps is horrible but it couldn't be any worse than sitting through Stick It or Scary Movie 4 . . . Both of which I'd like to see but I can't find anybody to go with me because everyone says they have the mumps.