Know when to fold'em

I won't make fun of this poor woman's misery because Lord knows I've got problems of my own. But damn if stories like this aren't a good advertisement for why you shouldn't spend your every waking moment and the local gambling dens. Apparently, this local lady was so strung out and broke from gambling that she may have flung herself into a riverboat casino moat.

A gambler walked out of a Kansas City casino Friday and apparently jumped into a moat, police said.

The 55-year-old Kansas City woman suffered life-threatening injuries in the noon incident at the Isle of Capri, 1800 E. Front Street. She remained in a hospital Friday night. Police did not release her name.

Mike Tamburelli, the casino's general manager, said the woman was a customer, but he did not know whether the incident was related to her gambling.

Police said she had spent about $115,000 at the casino in recent years, including $300 on Friday. She was also facing the first payment of a restitution sentence for a stealing conviction.

Jackson County Court records show the first $75 monthly payment is due Monday. She was ordered to repay more than $1,800 that she stole from a previous job.

Surveillance video shows her leaving the casino and taking a covered walkway toward the parking garage, police said. The walkway crosses the 16-foot-deep moat.

The woman left the camera's view before apparently climbing over a railing and dropping 27 feet into the moat. Police said they found no indications that she fell or was pushed.

About 10 minutes later, a couple leaving the casino saw the woman's purse and casino club card on the walkway, then spotted the woman floating face down. They notified employees.

Here's a few links with more details about the story:

• Casino customer found floating in moat
• Gambler Finds Floating Woman at Casino
• Rescue Crews Pull Woman Out Of Casino's Moat

Considering the numerous gambling options in town, the scores of people they employ and their considerable profit margins . . . it's a wonder that people don't realize that casino gambling is the equivalent of giving your money away. There's this quote from 'Vegas Vacation' that pretty much sums up my approach to dealing with gambling addicts:

"Why don't you give me half the money you were going to bet, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts and we'll call it a day!"

That would probably feel a lot better than nearly drowning in a casino moat and would definitely be a lot cheaper.

Thanks for reading this week folks. Have a fun and safe weekend. If you're going to fling yourself into any bodies of water, know how to swim or wear a lifejacket.

Give a little bit

I've heard that if you give somebody your chocolate milk in prison you're only a few steps away from taking it the ass for the remainder of your sentence. It sounds silly but I'm sure it's true. You give away something and then people start to take.

The following story about a family of organ donating fools makes we want to punch all of them in their good kidney.

A metro-area family calls itself the One Kidney Club.

Five members of a Shawnee family have all donated a kidney. The generosity of Tom and Joyce Falsey and three other relatives has been featured in national magazines and on TV shows.

Now what happens if one of their remaining kidneys goes bad? Like Blanche Dubois they'll just "depend on the kindness of strangers." Good luck. I'm taking all my organs with me to Hell. I imagine that in their hour of need they'll be earnestly praying for a drunk driver to make the most of the night and put an end to some prom queen's party.

Around Town: Shot through the heart

Shots ring out through the Greater KC Area. KC murder rate looks like it's headed to the top of the charts. Could be number one with a bullet.

• Two Shot in KCK
• KCMO Home invasion
• Sprint Stock Soars. Alternate titles: "Remember the 90's" or "Deat Cat Bounce"
• Homeless Man Threatens Hispanic Family Background: This is actually a funny story and involves a machete and a few (minor) community leaders looking for publicity.

Combat

Relatives Believe Soldier Was Murdered. She's the first female soldier from Missouri to be killed. However, she wasn't killed during combat but she was found with a her teeth smashed in and a bullet in the back of her head. Hummmm, what other profession (other than soldier) runs a high risk of a violent death? Don't worry I'm not high. I wouldn't dare suggest that there are a few people in the Armed Services who might be involved in the drug trade. I support our troops no matter what substances they might (or might not) be using.

No Show (Tony is stupid)

I'm performing brain surgery today (OR doing something else that's none of your business). That's why I can't do a short spot on The Big Dumb Fun Show. This post is a public apology to the BDFS guys and to all those who take me at my worthless word.

Another part of the visit was going to be an opportunity to get some pics of their new studio for all to see. But it looks like that won't be happening anytime soon. Damn, I'm a dork. I've given permission to the BDFS guys to kick my ass the next time they see me.

In the meantime, go check out their show and let some people with real talent entertain you.

One of my favorite stupid old jokes

Vandals sack new skate park. Those fucking Vandals, first Rome and now this. Bastards!

The graffiti scrawled in black marker came first.

Then there was the expensive park sign destroyed by two young men throwing rocks at it. Another boy urinated in public, in front of a police officer.

Since Prairie Village’s new skate park opened in early June, city leaders and police have watched the complaints stack up. And after two boys had a mud fight inside the park following last weekend’s rainfall, the city’s public works director decided he’d had enough.

Wednesday morning director Bob Pryzby closed the park. He doesn’t plan on reopening until Saturday morning.

No skate park for JoCo kids for awhile. I guess now they'll have more time for playing XBox and buying drugs from KCMO kids.

Grandma was Guilty

Shocking, but that old lady who the KCPD worked over had it coming to her.

The couple at the center of a taser dispute learned their fate Wednesday. 67-year-old Louise Jones and 76-year-old husband Fred Jones both received a year of probation, after being found guilty of resisting arrest and attempting to injure an officer.

I feel so much safer now that the KCPD is empowered to beat the shit out of Grandmas across the city. Because we all know that it's Grandmas behind the recent crime wave. No more will this city have to suffer under the tyranny of chocolate chip cookies and hugs. The KCPD is now sanctioned by the courts to keep Grandmas at bay. Those sneaky little bitches, you never know what they're holding underneath those shawls. Drug dealers and drive-by shooters beware, the KCPD is kicking granny ass and now they're coming after you. Eventually.

Foreclose our Troops

A bank wants to foreclose the on the home of a solider living in Harrisonville.

The soldier and family are busy writing members of Congress and approaching the media for help.

However, truly supporting a soldier and his family (you know with money out of your pocket) is nowhere near as much fun as insulting the gay guy at work who listens to The Strokes and still wears his "Vote for Kerry" button out of spite.

Sportsmanship

I'd gladly risk my life to fuck a few cheerleaders but there's no way I'd die for the glory of a mediocre squad like the Tigers. Unfortunately, it looks like the MU football player who expired during practice didn't have a choice:

The Missouri football player who collapsed on the field and later died after a preseason workout wasn't immediately taken to the hospital across the street once he was unconscious but instead driven to the football team's offices, a university police report shows.

Part of going to college is learning that taking one for the team isn't a good idea. When you're old enough to watch football from the college stands, you're old enough to know that coaches aren't "leaders" they're just people who majored in P.E. and they shouldn't be respected. Fuck you coach, wherever you are . . . It's a tragedy that this kid died. However, the story might make a great paper that could deconstruct the meritocratic ideal enforced by the culture surrounding football. Yep, some pencil neck twerp who doesn't need a scholarship could really write a great essay if he set his mind to it.

Streets of Fire

Between a drive-by or just plain driving down the street. You take your chances on the streets of KC. That's why I'm posting this from my mom's basement. Where I'm safe and sandwiches and cable TV are delivered daily.

Stray Cats

There are more Bobcats than Black people in Liberty. And that's just one of many reasons why nobody cares what happens there.

Blogger Backtalk: Fight for your right

Local bloggers slug it out on the streets of KC and pound the keyboards in order to punch out some great posts:

• The KC Kitty posts a link to "The Ali Kemp (TAKE) Foundation self-defense training program for women. I hope this isn't too cruel, but it clearly didn't do Ms. Kemp any good.


• Chronic takes on Da Man: "Cops seemingly have the right to do whatever they want and we the people of this, "the W-ocracy" have allowed ourselves to be stripped of our 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th 8th and 9th amendment rights."


• Death's Door on a recent racially insensitive contest: "I guess the reason this fucks me up so bad that besides being stupid, it teaches kids that certain shit that used to be wrong is now ok."


• Local blogger Faith has a new boyfriend and everything is right with the world. Read this post and THEN ask me why I hate women.


• Happy in Bag pens a great post about all kinds of pipes getting cleaned out in the West Bottoms of KC.

Verbiage

If you understand trade agreements and campaign finance you'll love the following two posts:

• FDM examines Moore and the CAFTA


• Thoughts from Kansas takes on FDM for "unprincipled opposition." (Strange, because everyone knows that principled opponents are usually on the losing side.)

If you can't follow these blogger polemics, just keep reading and wait for the word "cocksucker" to appear.

Blogger Backtalk: You look mahvelous

Local bloggers are looking, feeling and writing good (well!) lately:

• This local blogger reports on the Fringe.
• Local blogger Heidi does the busstop with three other white girls. It's not the wet dream of a downtown cheerleader but a great photo and post regarding KC's new MAX rapid transit bus line.
• Music news and links from local blogger Andrea.
• Lovely local blogger Sheri is looking good. True dat.

Nickname

The KC Zoo is offering you the chance to name four new African lion cubs.

A “Name That Lion Cub” contest runs today through Aug. 21 at Kansas City area Hy-Vee stores. Winners will get a zoo family membership, a $100 Hy-Vee gift card and other prizes.

Let's see, how about bond issue, pothole, loft and condo. I think those names accurately reflect KC.

(I know, I know. They are lion cubs, not tigers but Rosario is damn hot)

Give till it hurts.

The Habitat ReStore, which raises money for "Habitat for Humanity" has been robbed four times in the past eight days.

In the latest incident, which occurred either late Monday or early Tuesday, a vehicle was driven through the front of Habitat ReStore, 4701 Deramus Ave., and a 500-pound safe was taken.

Now there's a capital idea. Why steal from houses when you can just rob the agency who builds them.

Stiffed

Will the KC School District have to pay millions the local Charter Schools that didn't really do that much good?

The Star Reports:

The Kansas City School District has suffered a setback in its battle with charter schools over millions of dollars in state funding — a total that could top $45 million.

Cole County Circuit Judge Thomas B. Brown III has tossed out four of the district’s five arguments for withholding millions of tax dollars from charter schools, including the district’s central claim. But Brown said the district could proceed with a claim that the state acted capriciously in ordering the payments.

District officials estimate the annual payments at $4 million to $6 million.

That's a pretty nice chunk of change. With that money, Charter School could afford to buy a few promising KC students a fleet of cars . . . so they can commute to a decent school district.

Love don't live here anymore

I'm guessing that marriage counseling might be out of the question. Too bad, you have to work at relationships and I hear that conjugal visit sex is hot.

• Judge Grants Divorce To Wife Of BTK Serial Killer

Love means never having to say your sorry for killing all those people. I guess the "for better or worse part" does not include brutal murder and torture. This probably puts the whole, "leaving the seat up" thing in perspective.

Computer tip of the day

If you're going to steal bandwidth. Don't steal it from a former cop.

It's the little differences

New Yorkers can't tell the difference between KCK and KCMO. The distinction is tougher than you think. There are minorities in both towns but you tell me the how to distinguish rednecks from hillbillies.

For fun, guess which epithet belongs to what city.

Hot Dog Wars OR Street Life

Somebody is threatening an opponent to downtown vendors. If it were me, I'd be scared. I have absolutely no idea what they put into those hot dogs.

Payback

The Verdict against the projectile vomiting smartass student is so sappy it makes me want to puke. If the corpse of Mark Twain was brought back from the dead, it would write something like this and then go into the night and eat someone's brains. Besides, many teachers will attest to the fact that cleaning up puke is no worse than teaching bratty suburban kids.

Meet the Neighbors

Rats are invading Brookside. New rodent residents are only slightly more annoying than downtown condo and loft dwellers. Additionally, the rats probably have better hygiene and fewer sex partners.

Spooky

Beloved KC man dies in a haunted house accident.

Wanted

There are many alleged killers on the street in KCK. This one made the news.

Blogger Backtalk: Hungry like the wolf

Here are the local bloggers I'm reading right now. Good Stuff:

• Are you an alcoholic? Probably, but you’re also ugly.
• Happy in Bag is really happy about his latest trip to a local barbeque joint.
• Parrish thinks Wonka movie is sweet.
• Duran, Duran concert review from The Whole Wheat blogger. Yeah, you read right.
• A local single woman in KC changes her blog and skews her content toward sex questions. I imagine the next change to her site will come about ten years from now, when she’s calling her page: “Hot dog down a hallway.” Update: Here's a shot of the single KC gal showing off her pussy. Enjoy, you freaking perv!

Hype after death

Now, when local rap producers offer young KC rappers a life filled with "hits" I wonder if the young lyricists know what lies ahead. Apparently, local rapper Jermaine Hughes had a rap career moving as fast as the bullet that would eventually kill him.

However, dying isn't that bad of a move for a rapper. Tupac seems to have been very productive after his death and it hasn't managed to put an end to his CD releases yet. And the way P. Diddy keeps on mentioning Biggie every other sentence, you'd think that the guy is at his house or something, raiding his refrigerator.

Yep, the KC rap scene is booming, local acts are making a killing, KC rappers are producing one hit after the next and I'm sure all of this notoriety will lead to many more young rappers looking for their shot.

Kind of makes you long for the jazz age. Those guys only killed themselves through drug abuse and still managed to entertain people while they were doing it.

Westport Rapist

Like Kaiser Soze, the Westport rapist was a kind of mythic archetype that frightened anyone who lived in midtown during the latter half of the 20th century.

Local skanks knew that if they partied just a little too hard The Westport Rapist was out there waiting for them. Yell at your woman too much, she’ll go out walking and maybe run into the Westport Rapist. You’re a successful career woman and don’t think you need a man? The Westport rapist is out there and he likes that you’re so independent.

No more. Authorities think they’ve finally found the identity of the Westport Rapist thanks to DNA evidence. You know, the same DNA evidence that incriminated O.J. Simpson so clearly that he now resides in a jail cell . . . wait. Anyway, young sluts, barflys and lonely women no longer need to fear the Westport rapist and should feel free to engage in risky behavior after dark.

Flush

BlogKC reported yesterday about the mounting opposition to water/sewer bonds. Overall, it seems like a shitty proposal. Both opposition groups claim that distribution for the funds is unspecified (for the condo and loft dwellers not you) along with the rate increases that will be inevitable.

More importantly, the whole “special election” tactic is as slimy as a local sewer. It’s a method used to get special interest groups what they want. Sewer/water bonds don’t really turn anyone’s crank so the polls probably won’t be crowded. They’ll get their money because their supporters will vote for it while the rest of the citizenry will be stuck with the bill. If my site was more serious I’d urge you to go out and vote no. Instead, I’ll just advise you to grab your wakeboard and enjoy the ride this town is taking down the toilet.

Veggie

I don’t trust men that don’t eat meat. Women are different. I’ve never believed that women poop, at least not white women. For a woman, not eating meat can be a fashion statement, a conversation piece or just a better alternative to a diet of puking and crying.

In KC, there are a ton of vegetarian options. I can only hope that men who do not eat meat are doing it as some kind of ruse in order to impress vegetarian chicks. I guess cutting back on the burgers in order to play “hide the salami” is a reasonable forfeiture. And who knows, you may like having your salad tossed like most vegetarian dudes.

Pussy

What kind of horrible person would beat a bunch of cats to death with a shovel? That’s just cruel and a horrible waste of food. It’s much more humane to take them to a nearby body of water and put them in a tied bag with a brick. That’s what they used to call “animal control” in the old days.

Here are the hardcore details from this story about a pair of Independence, MO cat killers that are sure to incur the wrath of feline lovers everywhere:

Two Odessa men, living in an Independence mobile home park, face a total of 13 animal cruelty charges. Jeffrey Hoeppner, 29, and Brian Kleoppel, 31, are accused of beating five cats to death with a shovel.

Independence Animal Control Manager Amy Wells says when her officer arrived at the trailer, he found five cats dead in a trash can and a bloody shovel in the trailer. Wells calls this one of the most extreme cruelty cases she has seen in her eight years with Animal Control.

This story reminds me of another animal cruelty incident that involved the video taped torture of a poor dog named Scruffy. Strange, there was more unanimous rage regarding that video tape than there was about footage of Rodney King getting his ass kicked. Anyway, sadly there is no video of this tragedy. Otherwise, I’d make a fortune selling it as a snuff film treat for dogs.

Busted

Local blogger Heidi says goodbye to the 56. It’s the end of the line for this historic KC bus route. With little fanfare, a small segment of KC’s transportation history came to an end.

Kansas City doesn't take much pride in its buses, and the last run of the 56 tonight was a lonely one at its south end. Perhaps some people boarded it later specifically for its final northbound stops...

Sunday morning some people will make a big deal of the first MAX run--but tonight, it's goodbye to the 56.

The era of KC’s old, nearly abandoned bus line is over. The era of KC’s new, deserted bus line has just begun. I can’t wait to not use it.

Flame On

Fire rages on the West Bottoms. I hope all of the hip artists that live down there are using protection. Still, everybody knows that fucking around with "creative" people is a good way to get burned. Does crying and sweating bullets at the free clinic count as performance art? Finally, "Burning Bottoms" sounds like a great name for an art exhibit . . . it's hard not to envision something wonderfully gross like a display of a bright red starfish on a canvas oozing with a mixture of multi-colored paint strewn all over the place . . . A kind of wink to Jackson Pollock's work.

Summer Spree

The idea of a real life team of “fashion police” could be quite useful. A recent local crime spree gone wrong demonstrates the danger posed by tasteless crooks:

Police said they didn't take anything there, but went to the Target on Shawnee Mission Parkway. They said that is where they stole a moped and an El Camino . . . When police showed up they said the suspects ran and hid inside a woman's basement.

When her son walked in, they allegedly stabbed him twice in the arm.

He was expected to be okay.

All of this violence could have been avoided if these guys would have been arrested years ago for sporting a mullet or a muscle shirt. Think about it, it’s always the kid still wearing the “Member’s Only” Jacket in high school that eventually grows up to be a date rapist. The Junior College skank who became a hooker probably started with a lower back tattoo or maybe just excessive use of a hair crimper. Serial killers can’t leave the house without their denim jackets and I’ve never even heard of a drug dealer who didn’t own at least two pairs of patent leather basketball shoes.

Thankfully, these vulgar villains are behind bars. Their days of robbing campy vintage cars and toys for gay men are over. But somewhere there is a young girl wearing a dress over a pair of jeans that will bring this whole civilization to an end. Only the advent of the “Fashion Police” will save us. Either that or we can simply start shooting every young woman who owns a CD by the Indigo Girls.

You can call it Raytown

Offenders with a warrant in Raytown have a four-hour window on Aug. 10 to make good on the original citation without having to post bond. Unless they are Black or Latino, and then odds are they're also wanted on some other charges in a few different places as well.

If you build it

Kit Bond helps frightened Northlanders more easily escape all of the brown people in midtown KC.

Sen. Kit Bond on Sunday formally announced the appropriation of $50 million in federal funds to help replace the Paseo Bridge.

Bond earmarked the additional funds for the busy Missouri River crossing in a $286.5 billion transportation bill that is expected to pass the Senate within days.

I'm sure they'll probably name the bridge something new. Here are some suggestions:

• Kit Scaredy Catwalk
• Bridge over tepid waters
• Bada Bridge (In honor of all the Italians who live up North and import pointy shoes and big hair into the metro every day)
• 2nd place to Johnson County Connection
• Pre-approved Passage
  
  

Yo Mama!

A naked, pot smoking mom in a compromising situation . . . It's not just a fantasy, it's the latest advice entry from "Ask a Pothead."

Do the Bus Stop

What do I do in my spare time? Well, finding time between looking at porn and Internet stock scams is hard to do. But I have to admit that trolling Internet message boards is a favorite pastime. My latest response at BlogKC is sure to piss off downtown cheerleaders and whoever might recognize my writing style from the "Hot Asian MILF's and midget" message boards.

Bitches better have my money

The University of Missouri system will give $500 scholarships to students in order to settle a recent tuition lawsuit. My degree really hasn't helped me at all, so I'll just call this "cash back" and wait on the other tens of thousands of bucks (my parents) wasted on my education.

Where the white girls aren’t

KCMO pools open

On the go

The Missouri Downtown Economic Stimulus Act allows local lushes to carry alcoholic beverages outside of bars, onto sidewalks and into other bars. This will soon apply to the Power and Light District. Now, Westport merchants want the same deal. Local pervs are looking forward to the new regs as well. It's so much easier to mickey a tramp's drink in open air. I hear.

School's out for summer

“Freedom Schools” are growing in popularity and enrollment as KC kids look for a way to spend their summer.

The faith-based program blends instruction in reading, conflict resolution and social activism . . . Freedom Schools are free for the pupils. The schools provide breakfast, lunch and afternoon snacks.

Funding comes primarily from the Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation, with additional support from the Children’s Defense Fund, church sites and individual donors.

Sounds like a productive and fun program of KC kids. It seems like a great way to spend the day and relax before a night of crack dealing and gun violence.

Charlie, Last Name Wilson

Segregation in Kansas City is apparent in almost all aspects of everyday life. Like many other cities, KC worked its way around the Midwestern manifestations of Jim Crow when all the white people left town and headed for the suburbs seeing that legislating where the darkies could live was no longer an option. The effects of this can still be felt today in where we live, who we know and what we listen to and see. In fact, I was visiting my girlfriend last night and wondered why every person I’ve ever seen pulled over by the police in Johnson County has been black. Seriously, I’ve seen white girls doing 80mph down Metcalf with their tits hanging out, white powder on their nose and a bottle of vodka in their hand and the only thing it elicits from the fuzz is a smile.

Anyway, like my favorite crack addict Dave Chappelle says: “It doesn’t happen often, but when racism works in black people’s favor . . . it’s fucking sweet.” This principle of beneficent racism has manifested itself in KC in the form of the local black radio station KPRS. The station has a proud history, but it’s mainly the place where people in KC listen to R&B and Rap that’s too black (er, urban. Sigh.) for mainstream radio.

Lately, I’ve been listening to a song is currently in heavy rotation on KPRS. It’s an incredible tune by former Gap Band front man Charlie Wilson. Now if you don’t know The Gap Band then you don’t know shit. Their music is a profound mixture of late 70’s funk with an early 80’s pop appeal. Additionally, Mexicans love The Gap Band. I would go so far to say that Mexicans love The Gap Band more than black people do. This is a bad analogy but think of Jerry Lewis and the French but way more funky and soulful.

In fact, a few years ago I was at a local Lowrider show and some short Chicano was blasting the Gap Band from his ’66 Impala and he confirmed my assumptions. “Dude, that’s right. The Gap Band is crazy old school. That’s all I play on Saturday. All day. That’s right Mang.” I thought to myself for a second, “Well put, Pedro. Now mind your fucking eight children.” But I just nodded and sung along to “Early in the Morning.”

Back to the new track . . . it’s a really cheeseball song with insanely schmaltzy lyrics but damn if Charlie Wilson doesn’t make it sound so sincere. Here’s a sample:

“Hey girl, How you doin'
My name is Charile, last name Wilson
I was wonderin' if I could take you out
Show you a good time, invite you to my house
Here is my number, girl you can call me
And don't forget it baby, the name is Charlie”

Amazing. The thing I like about this song is that it describes a horrible pick up that seems to go well. Some dumb looking guy lays a stupid line on a woman and she happens to buy it. However, the song goes on to reveal that the dude is so lonely that he must be a somewhat decent guy:

“With all of this fortune, what am I doin' single
Sometimes I tell myself, "Man, get out and mingle"
You don't have to be alone, you need someone to love
But being famous sometimes it's hard to find someone to trust
But the hell with that this time, I'm gonna treat myself
Being in love is good for your health
It's time to share this fortune and fame with someone else
Now that I'm in this club, I might as well, yea”

Okay, there’s plenty bling references there but like I wrote earlier, the Wilson brothers have always had a pop allure. I imagine that once the lovebirds head back to his place the girl is only mildly disappointed to find out that Charlie lives in a studio apartment overlooking wino alley. Still, I can’t help but think of my girlfriend and how well I conned her into going out with me whenever this song plays. Additionally, there probably hasn’t been a better song for slowly humping the one you love since Luther’s last recording. Suffice it to say, both the kitschy lyrics and the resonant soulful delivery makes this track one of my favorite new tunes.

New Blogzzzzz

Dave Helling is a local reporter breaking ground in the metro blogosphere. In just a matter of a few posts, Helling as managed to create the single most boring blog I’ve ever read.

I don’t know if the guy is married but I’m pretty sure that he is probably into some weird necrophilia type sex play; only because I can’t imagine any woman fucking him without dozing off.

See how I did that? A local news person gets a blog and I manage to work in a reference to fucking a corpse. Good luck with the blog, Dave.

Catfight

Okay, okay . . . I watch way too much porn. But you tell me if there is something strangely sexy about the description of this fight involving a screaming woman and two lesbians.

And yes, the story is about violence against homosexuals which I do not condone. Unless there is hot oil and lesbians involved, then it’s all good.

All-right!

Hot as Hell

It was so fucking hot outside yesterday I saw the devil. She's fine. She's told me that she's thinking about buying a condo that overlooks downtown and that I'd be more than welcome to go over to her place when it's done and "party." She told me that party would consist of a really nice night of causal drug use topped off with some unprotected sex with a few women I've never met.

We made small talk, joked about the heat and said it wasn't going to let up anytime soon. Naturally, I asked her about her career in law. She says it's good and she's making a pile of cash (as usual) but she wouldn't tell me what her opinion was about activist judges. Later, she told me that she was going to a Crossroads art show - she had her eye on some pretty provocative photos of "Our Lady of Guadalupe".

She didn't invite me to lunch but she looked like she was in a hurry. As she trotted off in her high heels, I called to her: "later."

"Sooner than you think," she replied.

Far East

I love "Filegirl" Kristine's blog. She documents her recent trip to India with wonderful prose and beautiful pictures. Really, this post belongs in a travel journal.

Someday, I'd like to go to India. But then I think, if I want to visit a place that is underdeveloped, rampant with disease and full of brown people . . . I could just walk east of Troost.

Blogger Backtalk: The heat of the moment

There's always tons of great links from local bloggers but right now this is what I'm reading:

• The Government is on Chronic. But you already guessed that.
  
• Ghost Stories from Death’s Door
  
• Lots of burger options from the KC Kitty
  
• MToast is not a clown, here to amuse you. But her girly doctor just might be a goodfella.
  
• Parrish observes animals at work
  
• KC Downtown development posts a link to the downtown master plan

Welcome Wagon

The latest edition of the KC Strip details the trials and tribulations of a black couple in Independence who not only have to endure a racist, dumbass neighbor but also must endure inaction on the part of aut