Wednesday, May 06, 2020
TKC EXCLUSIVE!!! DID ROCK CHALK TRUST FUND BABY BORTNICK SWAGGER JACK CORONAVIRUS PPE 'INVENTION' FROM YOUNGSTER CANUCK SCOUT?!?
I'm Tony's wasted life and I'm here to make powerful enemies because the pandemic proved that capitalism was just a practical joke played on the working poor by corporations taking more welfare than any trailer park big mama ever dreamed . . . More to the point, exceptional blogging is all about asking not-so-important pointed questions regarding my future boss.
To wit . . .
KICK-ASS TKC TIPSTERS CALL OUT A CELEBRATED ROCK CHALK "INVENTOR" EARNING SO MUCH LOCAL MEDIA LOVE FOR HIS STRANGELY FAMILIAR DEVICE THAT IS HELPING TO PROVIDE COMFORT DURING COVID-19 HARSH TIMES!!!
Tony's wasted life here again, and I feel like even though this dude is a celebrity college student this post is still "punching up" not only because TKC will be mopping this guy's floors one day not so far in the future but also because he's from a high profile local fam who likely own the mortgage on all my hipster neighbors.
Anyhoo . . .
Here's the story . . .
"This local college student named Gregory Bortnick (former Pembroke Hill LAX bro—I would assume he's from the real estate family) is getting absurd amounts of local press as the "inventor" of a strap that makes it so N95 masks don't hurt your ears. A local magazine in town called him "ingenious." He's been all over TV.
"The problem? This local prep school kid ain't invent sh*t.
"The device was actually designed by a 12-year-old Canadian boy scout who posted the 3D printer plan to the internet for free. Bortnick has sort of referred to finding a version online in a roundabout way while also saying things like used his "passion for design to develop a prototype" of this mask."
Here is the Canadian kid's mask holder:
.....and here is the mask from our "ingenious" "inventor":
To be fair, the real story is that the rock chalk do gooder is giving away these nifty devices for free and doing his part to help frontline workers. Meanwhile, TKC did a Karate Kid bad guy "sweep the leg" move on some 75-year-old lady this morning as she was attempting to take the last package of oven roasted turkey. Don't worry, she'll be fine and I think it was my aunt.
The real point here is that Kansas City coronavirus human interest stories are mostly hot garbage that attempt to distract us from the reality that just about everyone and everything has come close to failing the American people during a crisis . . . And things could still get a lot worse.
Accordingly, we realize that kindness and a helping hand doesn't need to be original in much the same way that no good deed goes without blogger snark.
You decide . . .