Wednesday, January 15, 2020

TKC MUST READ!!! CHUCK REVIEWS GWYNETH PALTROW'S SCENTED CANDLE!!!



I'm going to get out of the way and let Chuck's thoughtful pop culture post speak for itself because it's a fun alternative to a bevy of local crime links and broken political promises that are on the way . . .

Chuck: This Smells Like, WHAT!?!?!?

In what I am sure, everyone must agree, are the agurs and portents of the coming Apocalypse, Gwyneth Paltrow is selling a 'scented' candle that she claims (And I am certainly NO one to dispute it.) "Smells like her vagina". In fact, the candle is marketed accordingly under the name, "This Smells Like My Vagina". If ever, there was a lily to gild, this has got to be the one.

Have a seat, for just a second, before you read the next sentence.

It is sold out.

Yep, celebrity sells like no other product, no matter how you define down, "Product". Remember that playground bully who would run up to you and stick his finger under your nose and scream "Smell this!!!" That's right, he is now a visionary with a future and you, you moron, are wasting time on personal hygiene.


Next up for Gwyneth, the "Smell Of My Vagina Before I Douche".

Who knew that that week old tuna fish in your fridge, should have been out on your coffee table for special occasions?

We should have seen it coming. Gwyeth is a famous, high profile Hollywood liberal and liberal cities all over America are covered in feces, needles and the stench of effluence. Monetizing mephitic vapors for the masses was only a matter of time. After all, capitalism always wins out. SpaceX rides on a rocket are millions of dollars. We hoi polloi can't afford that. But my best guess, is, as the market provides more and more economy of scale opportunities, especially for "B" list actors, that you will be able to, for around $5,000.00, stick your finger up Pauly Shore's ass, wrap your hand in a paper bag and go home to impress your friends.

No doubt, Ben & Jerry's, famously liberal and famously outspoken will NOT be outclassed by Gwyneth. The guys need a shot at this new market! Ice Cream Dicks that are exact replicas of famous movie stars. The double fungible, double dip dick flavor of the month. A "Clooney Cream Stick" that even the guys will love shoving into their mouths.

Talk amongst yourselves about the possibilities for Hollywood stars to meld their "brand" with Oscar Meyer.

Gwyneth Paltrow portrayed the character, Emma Woodhouse in Jane Austin's book "Emma". Austin once said, that "Vanity in a weak head, is the source of much mischief".
############

You decide . . .

25 comments:

Borat KC said...

Very nice!

Anonymous said...

Many Celebs will do anything to remain relevant. Even though they aren't.

Anonymous said...

^^^^And losers like you just have to always say something that means nothing.

Anonymous said...

This was a very eloquent comment after one of chuck's wordplosions from over the weekend and it still applies.

Put. down. the. thesaurus.

Yeah, I’m talking to you chuck. All you’re doing with that thing is making yourself sound silly. You’re not impressing anyone with your million-dollar college words. It’s just not the way into your reader’s heart.

I get what you’re doing it. I used to love using my thesaurus. Using long sentences with big beautiful sounding words made me feel intellectual. But really, all it was doing was making me sound like I was trying too hard. And obviously, I was. And frankly so are you.

So here’s the trick to actually sounding smart chuck - stop trying to sound smart!

I get that you want to sound smart, but what you’re doing is the exact opposite.

Your readers can't tell the difference between to, two and too for christ's fucking sake.


Obviously the lesson went unheeded.

Anonymous said...

augurs
mephitic
hoi polloi
fungible

Give it a rest, seriously. I don't come away thinking "gosh he's smart" I come away thinking "gosh he wants to SOUND smart but isn't fooling anybody."

Wink Martindale said...

(((Gwyneth Paltrow))).

Anonymous said...

^^^^^Fuck you Mo Rage, I know that's you as your IP proves.

Anonymous said...

Next post please. Come on Tony raise your standards.

Anonymous said...

Sorry you're so triggered by words. Go back to grunts n' clicks.

Anonymous said...

You: case in point.

Anonymous said...

She's either insane, or a marketing genius.

Anonymous said...

How does chuck know what a vagina smells like?

Anonymous said...

I will honestly throw up!

Grip Madlock said...

I'd like to bye you too beers

Anonymous said...

I've known Chuck since he ran Brandsmart for BB in the 80's. He is very smart and smelled more pussy then you shitbreaths can imagine. Can /did party with the best. Your jealousy is hilarious. Drive on Chuck!

Anonymous said...

^^^Then you must be a faggot too. Stupid Dave is that you????

Anonymous said...

TOP PHOTO -- "INCINERATE-HER"

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick,
'Cause fire's the devil's only friend!!!

Anonymous said...

Wait Chuck ran a large retail store, employed people and made a business owner money? No wonder these kids can't relate to him!
Have to admire bis persistence trying to educate. Carry on sir.....

Anonymous said...

I've known Chuck since he ran Brandsmart into the ground here in 2004. Guy couldn't sell blankets to Eskimos. He's as dumb as a rock and Martha Faye won't let him near any cats anymore.

Nobody's jealous of someone so mentally ill either, so you can get off somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

Why do you resort to 3rd grade name calling instead of trying to counter his positions? Maybe you are the intellectually challenged one.

Izzy said...

Fun stuff. Great read Chuck. Got more than a few laughs. Nice to see you have a sense of humor too!

Frances said...

Bet they used fish oil in the manufacture of these candles.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh the Super Dave and Chuck haters are out of control tonight. Such sad individuals they must be in their lonely lives.

chuck said...

Worked late last night, thanks for all the comments good and bad, sorry if you are too stupid to read and comprehend the piece.

Anonymous said...

They should call that candle Beavercheese.