One quick thing, I was watching TV and those "Man Law" commercials are pretty funny considering that they are promoting the world's worst beer this side of any thing with pumpkin in it.
Anyway, I was thinking that the concept is great but the execution is limp and cleaned up for football viewing audiences . . . Ever since Janet showed her tittie everything has been boring and safe when it comes to "entertainment" geared toward pro sports watching audiences.
Well, because the concept is so great and because this town is the "worst for singles" in the nation . . . I think KC deserves it's own version of man law that depicts dating and married life in Kansas City. Here goes:
KC Man Law:
*Do not hit a woman . . . With a closed hand.
*No calling women more than once a day. She should be able to provide her whereabouts and meal schedule with a single phone call.
*Crying is permissible. Explaining why is not.
*No phone conversations over 3 minutes. Period.
*Dinner is foreplay.
*Mmmm counts as thank you.
*Any contact from ex-girlfriends means they are unhappy and probably want to have sex with you.
*The only family functions you are required to attend are your own.
*If she didn't ask for something and then didn't get it, she doesn't have a right to complain.
*Childcare doesn't count as a day job.
*You don't have to respect everyone in the armed services. Word to Abu Ghraib.
*Girlfriends must not operate the TV remote control in your presence, not even in their own home.
*Asking to see her sister's ass is not flirting.
*A date rape charge is a sign that you're ugly.
*Female cops don't count. Same goes for firefighters, journalists, doctors (except gyno) and chefs.
*Feel free to throw away any clothes purchased for you by a woman. Including your mom.
*Imported liquor, suits and cars are fine. Imported cheese is not.
*Sushi smells like vagina, you still shouldn't eat it.
*If your group of closest friends is integrated, that means you don't have any.
*Trying hard not to laugh at racist jokes is worse.
*You should know stocks better than sports. Grow up.
*Never trust another man who doesn't love their mother. Unless she's Anna Nicole Smith or some facsimile thereof.
*Sneakers match everything.
*You don't need to take a shower every day. The French have this one right. Baths are out of the question . . . Even with a broad.
*A toupee is fine. A merkin is not.
*Sex toys are permissible but are expressly forbidden to go anywhere near your orifices.
*It's not a lie if she didn't believe it in the first place.
*The term "Interracial dating" only applies to women. Men only need to refer to it as variety.
*Women who have a lot in common with the broads on Sex in the City are called whores in KC.
*Never let a woman from Kansas City lecture you on anything relate to class or culture.
*Adult relationships begin with understanding that you're not her first choice and making her believe that she is yours.
*There are other things to do in Kansas City besides getting married and raising kids. Men often need to remind twenty and thirty something
haha.
ReplyDeleteon the subject of pumpkin beer, I had a Shipyard Pumpkin Ale and was amazed at how good it was. I had a second and was completely sick of it about halfway through and switched back to real beer.
Dude!
ReplyDelete"It's not a lie if she didn't believe it in the first place."
I can't even tell you how hard I'm laughing right now. I'm pretty sure there is some version of this statement carved on the wall of a fucking Neanderthal cave over in France somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I'll wake up in the middle of the night chuckling about that one.
Don't know why though. Since it's not funny (just in case the girlfriend reads this).