The Stand

Here’s an earth shattering story from the hinterlands of suburbia: Three teenage boys are accused of pointing a toy handgun at three girls running a lemonade stand over the weekend.

The story isn’t really that funny except the part where an official notes that the white boys could have been shot in the process. However, it did bring to mind two of the rules that I live by:

• I could never live in the suburbs. If they authorities are walking around hassling people for the possession of a toy gun there’s no way my ugly, ethnic looking ass could stroll through a posh suburban neighborhood without having at least a dozen people call the cops. I hate to be stereotypical but I know what most white people are thinking. I know when they see me in their neighborhood, they're afraid that I’m going to have sex with their family and steal their car. This is only half true.



• I don’t trust lemonade stands. It’s based on appearances and it seems sleazy: A few white kids on the corner selling something sweet. Additionally, if Al Qaeda really wanted to create some terror they could simply get a hold of some white kids and poison an entire community. I don’t trust someone that everyone trusts. Finally, lemonade stands are part of some stupid social agreement that says that white kids are trust worthy and brown kids will kill you. While this also may be true, I refuse to take part.