Getting Even

I often daydream about a crime spree in Johnson County. Currently, a series of carjackings in the Golden Ghetto is the cause of great distress among drivers (read: everyone over 16 and under 80) in that community.

It's happening at an alarming rate, there have been at least of these incidents within the last days. The latest happened in the parking lot of a software company off K-7 in western Shawnee. The men are disguising themselves with either bandanas, hooded jackets or towels. They are described as young, probably teenagers.

And that’s the problem with kids; they don’t know what’s valuable. My imaginary JoCo crime spree would consist only of jewelry, white women and baseball cards. I don’t really like baseball cards but I hear they are valuable and the fact that somebody would really mourn the loss of the cards would make me very happy inside.

In my darker moments, I dream about stealing the espresso machine at a JoCo Starbucks but I’m pretty sure that would bring civilization to its knees. What would happen if the rich, white folk of JoCo weren’t caffeinated, chipper and eager to tell the rest of us what to do?