Remember, when consuming news of a tragedy be sure to:
1.) Admire the author's use of colorful adjectives like: careening.
2.) Appreciate the time and care with which a field reporter took to shape his/her hair. No, that color does not exist in nature, not even on white people.
3.) The painfully serious looks of the local news anchors while delivering information regarding a tragedy. (For fun: Turn the sound off and realize that's what they look like when they take a shit.)
4.) The first advertiser to appear at the break after the news of a tragedy or on a corresponding page. You probably won't see many ads for the metro anytime soon.
5.) Finally, don't forget that watching or reading about a tragedy is not about the information delivered but the people who bring it to you. Because you want bad news from someone who is not only first on the scene, but extremely good looking. If only all of the women who broke up with me could have looked as sympathetic as Kelly Eckerman.
1.) Admire the author's use of colorful adjectives like: careening.
2.) Appreciate the time and care with which a field reporter took to shape his/her hair. No, that color does not exist in nature, not even on white people.
3.) The painfully serious looks of the local news anchors while delivering information regarding a tragedy. (For fun: Turn the sound off and realize that's what they look like when they take a shit.)
4.) The first advertiser to appear at the break after the news of a tragedy or on a corresponding page. You probably won't see many ads for the metro anytime soon.
5.) Finally, don't forget that watching or reading about a tragedy is not about the information delivered but the people who bring it to you. Because you want bad news from someone who is not only first on the scene, but extremely good looking. If only all of the women who broke up with me could have looked as sympathetic as Kelly Eckerman.
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