Wednesday, July 02, 2014

TOP 5 ALTERNATIVES FOR THE KANSAS CITY SUMMER WITHOUT THE JONES POOL!!!



Pending Kansas City taxpayer subsidized construction of a luxury living space tower The Jones - Power and Light District's Rooftop Pool is closed this summer.

To wit . . .

RIGHT NOW WE'RE OFFERING THE TOP 5 ALTERNATIVES FOR KANSAS CITY DENIZEN D-BAGS WHO MISS THE JONES POOL!!!

Illustrated with some of our favorite bathing bikini beauties, natch.

Here we go . . .

5. Take a shower with a hooker.

Same probability of contracting something without the long-term membership fee commitment.



4. Stand too close to a public urinal and endure the splash back.



3. Make A Game Of It: Try To Find Kansas City Ladies Only 30lbs Overweight.



2. Does It Really Matter Where You Have A Coke Party?



1. WOODSIDE!!!

New and improved suburban digs make "Club Woodside" the pool party place to be for some of the most horrible locals who still look better than everybody else.

TKC Aside . . . This is another hit for Dead Tree Media because the annual Jones Pool photo spread (ewwwww) is their most popular image gallery of the year and comprised at least a month worth of content for INK. Still, we all must make sacrifices to assure the profit margins for Cordish while City Hall hopes and prays the luxury tower scheme will finally pay off.

Developing . . .

17 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Drinking and swimming don't mix. That is better advice TKC.

Anonymous said...

Jermaine Reed, amirite?

Anonymous said...

Woodside or as know by the real people as the meat market.

Anonymous said...

Watching the sexy ass Polar Bear swimming and shagging with Nikkita would be hot...

Anonymous said...

6. Remain utterly bitter about everything and continue to hate everyone and resent people with lives.

Albiet said...

Sounds like a plan!

cml said...

Tony is pretty funny every day.

A coalition of yeast bacteria floating in Woodside pool said...

Mr Botello
Please stop mentioning Woodside. While you are at it, tell your muskrat wearing friend Craig Glazer to keep our name out of his mouth.

Anonymous said...

Woodside has gone down the tubes also appeals to the toupee, boob implant, borderline alcoholic and orange spray on tan crowd.

Anonymous said...

borderline alcoholic????? Thats funny

Chambo said...

Now, that is some funny shiz. Ruined my phone by laughing and dropping it on the second to last reason.

FU TKC

Anonymous said...

This is a serious question because I did not know the Jones closed. Why did it close? Money problems? What happened?

TKC reader said...

Just like he said in the story. It's closed until they finish building the apartment tower that's next to it.

Anonymous said...

Woodside has always been very gay and now that
Balbonis Glazer hangs there, it's over the top gay.

Anonymous said...

Woodside is ruined every summer by the pool crowd. They dirty up the place.

Anonymous said...

also try to find a man w/o a beer belly..anywhere..

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not Tony there are women in KC under 30 pounds overweight. They won't take a blogger though.