Jackson County Courthouse Catfight

A fight between County legislators Dan Tarwater and Robert Stringfield is probably the funniest thing in KC politics since Clay Chastain.

Recently, tensions have been high among the legislators with Stringfield suing his colleagues, Tarwater proposing to cut Stringfield's staff budget dramatically and accusations that one of Stringfield's assistants was treated unfairly. However, I'm sure these mundane disagreements that made local politics nearly as exciting as Taiwanese Parliament couldn't possibly be the source of the disagreement.



So, while it seems that nobody is sure who threw the first punch or what was said exactly. I'd like to offer my Top Ten things overheard before the recent fight at Jackson County Courthouse:

10. "I'm telling Mike Sanders that you said he looks like Dieter from Sprockets."
9. "Your mother's ass is as big as that pothole on Broadway."
8. "Tastes great . . . less filling" In reference to property tax hikes versus sales tax increases.
7. "But I want to hold Lamar Hunt's umbrella"
6. "Don't you think downtown has enough condos already?"
5. "If you keep acting like one of the Chief's girlfriends, I'm gonna treat you like one."
4. "I've got your rolling roof right here pal."
3. "I'm about to distribute some COMBAT funding all over your ass"
2. "No, it's your turn to clip Katheryn Shields toenails!"
1. "I wish I knew how to quit you!"

"Anything you can do I can do better"

Let's call it the I-70 series in ass kicking. Not to be out done by the high tech, tasering tactics of the KCPD, the St. Louis cops are out to prove they kick the most ass in the Show-Me State. Ironically, in this sport white people are actually competitive and Black people have the front row seats.

Lottery Letter From Spain Is Scam, FBI Says

It's best not to trust most things Spanish. Anybody who would eat flan is a potential serial murderer.

Flight From Olathe Crashes; 4 Killed

You couldn't pay me enough to get in one of those piece of crap commuter planes or anything else with just propellers. I need a jet engine and a skanky stewardess (air mattress)in the unlikely event that I ever need to leave Kansas City.

"Lucky in art"

The KC Kitty profiles the work of local artist Maura Cluthe and I think I should get in on this art scam since it all looks like stuff I did in kindergarten to me.

"Things I wish I could buy in the River Market"

Whereas I think that by simply attaining rich parents everything else will fall into place. That's how most people in the River Market came by their goods, lofts and lifestyles.

"I feel far too much like an adult."

Great post from local teenage blogger Mr. Cellophane. Unfortunately, to really get the full effect of being an adult this blogger is lucky he doesn't have to deal with a nagging wife/bastard husband, erectile dysfunction or an impending heart attack.

"940 dances for free"

Unfortunately, this story has nothing to do with strippers but instead refers to another kind of artistic expression that is only appreciated by homosexuals and old ladies . .. and I don't mean male strippers either. Actually, the link contains a bunch of local entertainment listings along with a detailed description of a dance recital in Lawrence that tackles addiction in its many forms. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a segment in the performance dedicated to chasing around white women so I probably can't relate.

Dos Hombres in the River Market

The restaurant is scheduled to open at 528 Walnut St. in early March. And how this towns hates Mexicans but has so many Mexican restaurants is beyond me.

Groundhog Day Run in KC

A local blogger describes a KC tradition. Her take on the day's event seems pretty accurate.

Like running for 52 minutes in a parking garage with no scenery, no fresh air and really, really bad body odor smells.

And Groundhog Day begs the question: Six more weeks of winter like this? I'll take it and thank all of you SUV driving folks for this beautiful global warming that favors brown people. (You'll have to come out of that air-condition sometime.) *Note: In KC, they do the Groundhog Day Run underground in the world's largest underground business complex. If climate change continues, someday all white people will have to live underground just like Dick Cheney.

Ironically, in this nightmare scenario the people of KC will still have to give tribute to Lamar Hunt since Hunt Midwest owns Subtropolis, your tax dollars and your first born as well.

Jack Cashill doesn't believe in Karma

In a recent column Jack Cashill writes about the poor people of this state with such a palpable disdain you'd think he was referring to Mexicans.

The unmarried poor run any number of health risks. Studies both here and in the U.K., for instance, show that "boyfriends" are roughly 30 times more likely than a married father to abuse the children in their charge. The homicide rates in either of the Kansas Cities, given their clustering of dependent families, typically run 20-30 times higher than they do, say, in Johnson County. The poor are much more likely than the non-poor to smoke, grow morbidly fat, get hooked on something evil, or catch some nasty STD, all of which costs lots of money and almost none of which is paid for by those afflicted.

Clearly, Cashill is implying that the poor people of this state and city are good for nothing but working at Wal-Mart, fighting wars and paying for improvements at the Truman Sports Complex. The article details the process of preparing a debate as part of the Kansas City @ the Crossroads series and it's clear which side Cashill will take.

Unfortunately, this rabid defense of Medicare cuts and the people of Johnson County works against its aim because it's sure to make anybody sick who reads it. Cashill could be the most short sighted economist next to Ebenezer Scrooge. As even the most stalwart fiscal conservatives and Republicans are beginning to understand that Universal Health Care might be important in not only helping this country compete against every other industrialized nation who already has it but also would reform our broken and inefficient Health Care system.

Cashill's cutthroat conservatism doesn't make sense anymore. In his current condition, Ronald Reagan is more likely to make a thoughtful contribution to the delicate balance between social programs and fiscal solvency than Cashill. And while this local columnist blames the poor for their poverty and illnesses, the only point that is incontrovertible is that in the end sickness and death make equals of us all regardless of political affiliations or income brackets.

MoDOT looking to reconstruct Front Street/I-435 interchange in 2007

The proposed upgrade would turn the standard interchange into what is called a "diverging diamond interchange" that is able to accommodate more traffic safely and more efficiently.

Traffic would flow so smoothly that truckers won't be disturbed while sleeping at the wheel. Additionally, truck stop whores will enjoy quicker moving traffic and less waiting for that meth fix.

Tasered Man had PCP & Cocaine in system

OR, KCPD now in charge of Karma and making sure we all get what we deserve.

Underlying message: You'd better be a law abiding citizen if you're in the custody of the KCPD! Which is enough to make your head explode but also completely exonerates the local cops of any wrong doing.

New Rule: Tasering a guy in handcuffs is okay as long as he's a drug addict. Apparently, the KCPD is out to curb relapse rates for those in drug rehabilitation. I'd be really surprised if this guy ever used again.

Art for a song sung

In this interesting post a local blogger describes how she recently purchased a painting (w/pic) at a Westport restaurant.

Brokeback Relationships: Kansas City Anti-Violence Project

KC Currents reports on a story regarding domestic violence and sexual assault in the local gay, lesbian and transgender community. Obviously, this is a great concern because many of the victims of these crimes don't think they can reach out to the police or loved ones without putting those people at risk of laughing to death. It's a kind of funny sad situation.

*Of course it's not funny if anybody is really hurt. However, I'm sure some of the slapfights are downright hilarious. And normally I pay to watch lesbians engaged in vicious combat.

You take your chances

Over the weekend, a woman was killed in a car accident outside the Harrah's Casino in KC. The story doesn't say but I'm going to go ahead and assume she actually managed to walk out of the place with a few bucks in her hand or maybe she even won a decent amount of cash. That's just the way luck works.

You might remember that recently an old woman blackjack dealer (talk about hard life) was robbed of her purse outside another metro casino.

All of this misfortune leads me to believe that casinos are nothing more than a waste of time. It's bad enough that local casinos seem to be infested with minorities and Asian people who apparently don't have a good understanding of basic statistics (which is odd in the case of Asian people). Furthermore, I always have the suspicion that all of my lost money is going to make an Italian person rich. However, the days of the mob owning casinos are long over so I'm guessing the money actually ends up in the hands of a Tall Israeli which is cool and usually the case in most circumstances.

One last thing, does anybody find the cocktail waitresses even remotely attractive? Sure, they have short skirts and outfits that are made to display cleavage but nearly every one of them looks and usually smells like something out of a French whorehouse at high tide. More often than not, the women in these outfits are usually starved for attention since all of the men in the casinos are so hopelessly addicted to gambling that they have long forgot about sex. Still, I'm sure these broads somehow find a way to be complete whores because anything less would just be a waste.

In the end, all of these factors still probably won't keep me away from the casinos for any significant amount of time. They serve up hope and free soft drinks so it's hard for me to resist. Additionally, it's somewhat comforting to know that no matter who wins . . . if you stay in a casino long enough you'll inevitably be surrounded by nothing but losers.

FBI to take over the investigation into a racial discrimination in KCK

Party turns into federal case. Now I know why all my relatives just send cards.

Celebrate Black History Month at Johnson County Library

Far away from nearly any Black people.

I'm not that shocked

Over the weekend, the KCPD most likely killed somebody in their custody with a Taser. The guy was already in handcuffs when he was shocked for the 3rd time. Initially, the cops didn't dispute this fact but now they say it's too early to blame the death on a Taser. Additionally, the KCPD wants you to believe the guy deserved it. Already, words like drug addict, PCP and resisting are being broadcast by the local media who are so desperate to get a quote for the story they are forgoing any critical questions.

Of course, there is going to be an investigation of this death and Chief Corwin actually has a decent record of doing the right thing in similar cases.

Thing is, in a city where the police are struggling to gain any cooperation with the populace this is yet another reason to be scared shitless of local law enforcement. I mean, people dying while in custody of the authorities is fine for "developing" democracies but to think that a stay with our local cops could leave you dead hits a little to close for home. Of course, we all know better than to argue, resist or look crooked eyed at a member of the KCPD but it's clear that the local cops are never going to earn a lot of trust when they are regarded as judge, jury and executioner by so many people in this community.

New Blog: Hip Suburban White Guy

Don't let the name inspire too much hatred. This new local blog is actually quite good.

Death penalty dispute in Precious Doe case

Life is precious but not nearly as valuable as political currency.

Murguia stresses the power of activism to young people

Considering that it's now a staple of nearly all talk shows to bash Mexicans and portray us all as gang members or illegal aliens (only half true) I think it's time that she started leading by example and get out from behind her desk in Washington to do something besides make token efforts at protest over silly things, mingle with celebrities or further her own career. Like most Star columnists, Mary Sanchez misses the mark again and holds up one of her cronies as a leader and not just another careerist like herself.

Day-care aide accused of hanging boy on hook

OR If this is standard practice then parents only need a coat rack to save money on child care.

Another bi-state blowoff

Whether it's for transportation, stoplights, trails or anything that would benefit people on the other side of the state line . . . the people of JoCo will always find a way to weasel out of paying the bill.

Some mayors in the Kansas suburbs weren't enthusiastic about paying more taxes for trails and traffic management when their cities already pour money into those initiatives.

"“I personally have been opposed to having those items included in the transit package for two years,"” said Lenexa Mayor Mike Boehm. "“To be adding that right now loses the focus of what the transit vote is about."”

Unless a proposal is entitled "Rob and steal from poor, darkies in the inner city" don't expect it to get a lot of support from the good folks in the burbs.

Breathe Easy

A judge recently ordered Aquila to begin tearing down its embattled South Harper power plant in rural Cass County.

FBI Investigates Allegations against Kansas City, Kansas Police Department

There hasn't been this much fallout from a house party since that Kid-N-Play movie in the early 90's.

Wanna make God laugh? Make a plan.

Had a few blogger problems that I created yesterday. I've been contemplating switching to Wordpress for months but for some reason this blogger thing just works best for me and it's what I'm comfortable with. I guess I'm sticking with it at least until I reach 3000 posts (not that far away) and then I'll reevaluate.

Additionally, I've been toying with the idea of podcasts and if you have any ideas or info please feel free to drop me a line. I'm not to fond of my real voice and I don't know if I have the chops for radio (probably not) but I'd be willing to try it.

Anyway, as always thanks for reading and have a fun and safe weekend.

Police Recover Pickup They Think Hit Teen

This headline might have been funny if the truck was a Dodge.

9 Arrested In Overland Park Prostitution Sting

More proof that white people are just as pervy as anybody else. Hotels are just a little nicer than street corners.

Mexican Corruption Probe affects KC Proposal

But corrupt American business interests will probably still push it through. When it comes to corruption or shipping or whatever the U.S. and Mexico are working together to create greater "efficiency" and "transparency" according to the article. . . whatever that means.

Flasher's Victim Warns OP Neighbors About Safety

Suburbanites must look out for Blacks, Mexicans and now pervs. Life would be hard for the people of JoCo if it wasn't for all that money.

"Invisible City"

I once went out with a hippy girl who didn't shave her pits but she was so hot and had such nice breasticles that I really didn't mind.

That's the same way I feel about this project. Invisible City seems like a cool idea but it's way too nice and happy to keep my attention . . . like most blondes 30 seconds after sex. Here's the gist of the endeavor:

The project will provide a structure that encourages citizen participation through contributing answers to a series of questions about each individual’s Kansas City from the perspective of sight, sound, smell, touch, emotion, and color.

Okay, I'll bite. After my parents divorce, I was bummed out and stayed at my Grandma's all day for awhile. The place always smelled like Mexican food. I touched myself a lot during that period. One day as I was leaving, a bunch of Black guys surrounded me by my car and I was lucky as hell my Granny's boyfriend came out to save my ass. Put that on a postcard and mail it. Fuckers.

Upon further review, I found that it's a project put together by UMKC's Creative Studies Department so I can safely ignore it because it has absolutely no application to the real world, like most things in college. Local blogger Heidi does a better job of explaining the project anyway.

Naked Nerds in KC

Just found a newish blog in KC via KC Kitty.

It's called Naked Nerds. And I'm an 18 year-old nympho with perky nips and a month's supply of lube and condoms if the blogger behind the thing is really this hot.

It's still a young blog but somehow I'm sure that it'll end with her asking you to murder her husband or with you handing over your banking information. Careful out there, not every blogger loves you as much as I do . . . and that's really scary.

"Spring in January?!?"

The benefits of Global warming and how JoCo will someday (soon) become beach front property.

To build a dream on

Initially, I thought a recent prize for KC was an award to local thugs for pushing the murder rate to outrageous levels last year but the honor is actually for excellence in public/private partnerships. Again, I thought this referred to something like loft & condo development and all of the city's ankle grabbing but actually the award is for work done to "accelerate and improve the city'’s approach to constructing roads, buildings, storm water projects and other infrastructure." And that justdoesn't make sense at all because I haven't seen much progress on this front but then again I don't live in a loft or a condo. There are more potholes than ever in this town, all the roads are closed downtown and Country Club Kay wants you to take care of the city's storm water projects for yourself.

"Should Johnson and Wyandotte counties unify?"

I'm not sure, JoCo screws so many neighboring counties it's hard to say if they should settle down with just one county.

Greg Reeves Celebrates Diversity (hates Arabs too)

You know why I read Crime Scene KC? No, I really don't care about crime stats from Overland Park or all of the "quirky" news items and bland commentary. And Greg Reeves really isn't that much of a writer and doesn't have many interesting thoughts to convey.

I read Crime Scene KC so I can find out about all the brown people in the city committing crime and where they live. Recently, Greg profiled a Kuwaiti UMKC student who has been indicted on charges of counterfeiting. As he normally does, Greg shows off the photo of a brown person in trouble with the law but then he really gets into his job (nullus) and posts the address of the man in question.

That's really responsible journalism from our daily paper. With their newish entry in the blogoshpere . . . The KC Star managed to break a rule that most 14 year-old bloggers know to be careful with: Avoid giving out personal information whether it's yours or somebody you know.

Even better, since the student is Arab this obviously awakens suspicions about terrorism (in my mind at least) so Greg just put the guy's address on the web and on the Star's front page so any nutjob out there could pay the guy's friends or loved ones a visit. Nice work, my man. Not only is this stupid but it's dangerous. Clearly, Greg is out there waging the war against terrorism and brown people on his own front. Incidentally, the war against terrorism and brown people is the same thing as far as Reeves, Bill O'Reilly and Lou Dobbs are concerned.

And while I've tried to withhold judgment I'm now ready to just come out and type it:

In my opinion, KC Star blogger Greg Reeves is a racist bastard. How do I know? We can smell our own. Not that I'm defending the suspect, I never liked the Arabs at UMKC not only because they had way more money than me (which we now know might be counterfeit) but also because their food stunk like ass and bacon, apparently they don't have eyebrow tweezers in the Middle-east and they all played the same Young MC CD from 1989 in their nice ass cars in the parking lot. Oh, and I normally think all Arabs are terrorists but I'm ahead of my time in that respect because that notion didn't just occur to me after 9/11; I've been thinking that since about '79 when I was 5 years old.

Rather than speak about issues of race honestly, he hides behind the Star's registration wall and claims that he only post pics of Black people that he's provided by the cops but damn if his writing isn't crisp and clever as hell when he describes all the Blacks, Mexicans and now Arabs that are in jail. So, in that sense maybe the guy isn't that bad of a writer after all . . . at least when he's covering something he enjoys. Whether it's the crusade of kilt wearing fat boy high school students and the defending the rights of white people or celebrating the demise of people with too much melanin in their skin and accents Greg Reeves is at his best portraying minorities in this town at their worst.

Bitch Slap Baby Blunt on Election Day

From and e-mail just sent my way: "Jay Nixon, Democratic candidate for Governor in Missouri, has launched the Nixon for Governor website and invites all Missourians to surf the interactive site at www.nixonforgovernor.com"

This isn't a photo from the website but it should be. I'm not really a Jay Nixon supporter but I'd vote for Charles Manson before I'd vote for this state's favorite crooked smile son.

Funny, I don't think this is the kind of endorsement Nixon's campaign (or whoever) thought they would get when they sent me the link to this page.

Running on Empty

Local blogger Dan contends that "All politicians at all levels and of all party affiliations start their careers with a blend of idealism and ego."

And a desperate desire to avoid real work.

Local blogger Dan has a buddy running for office. I've known a few people running for political posts as well and I always think that I'm that guy from The Dead Zone and I'm confronted with the next Hitler or Stalin but no one knows it yet . . . usually I'm thinking this and doing a poor job of pretending to pay attention. Anyway, I'm always tempted to punch them for all the horrible things they're gonna do in the future. Coincidentally, I always wonder the same thing about babies . . . in my mind's eye every newborn child is either a potential Hilter or Ryan Seacrest (same thing).

Robber Battles Clerk for Beer

Suspected arrested, beer recovered, Bush years not looking so good after all.

Incidentally, the guy was trying to steal a 12 pack of Bud . . . which means the suspect is a snob since I think they've started paying people to take home cases of MGD.

Students Accused of Selling Guns

Finally, students in KC are learning marketable skills.

The King is Dead

In this week's issue of The Pitch, C.J. Janovy recounts the now infamous public blunder made by Katheryn Shields as she compared herself to MLK.

Shields may be innocent of whatever the FBI was investigating, but she ought to be locked up for committing a crime of massive arrogance on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

The article details the many ways that white people ruined the holiday. But then again, white people ruin a lot of the stuff they steal from Black people including rock, rap and Kanye West.

Keep it legal

A KCK politico wants to raise the driving age to 18. He tried the same thing earlier and didn't get any support but recently AAA released a report concluding that between 1995 and 2004, 15- to 17-year-old drivers were involved in 1,044 fatalities in Missouri and 470 in Kansas. So the thing might actually make some headway. Fine with me.

There are many benefits to raising the driving age limit and the not the least of which is distinguishing what is legal in terms of white woman ass. Actually, this isn't really a big deal for me because I've been on a MILF kick lately but I have a few friends who I don't want to see in jail (because I'm sure they can't keep their mouth shut).

Anyway, because nearly every white girl past puberty dresses like a complete whore, it's important to have other visible indicators of age. A college ID is usually good enough but we can't all manipulate rocket scientists (or even English majors) so if only 18 year olds were allowed to drive . . . that would be a plus.

Like I mentioned, I'm not worried about dating underage women because I check ID's and I've always had a preference for asses that took decades of hard living and possibly childbirth to cultivate (think Anna Nicole) but I know how society/the man just loves to lock up minorities who aren't as bright as I am just for falling victim to skanky white underage girls who are trained to be hookers by MTV, fashion magazines and their mothers.

Local Blogger has a run-in with Dave Barry

You see, this story would have had a completely different ending if it would have been me who had a run-in with Dave Barry. You would have seen a significant scuffle on the news with screaming white people running everywhere. The police would have shown up and you might have caught a glimpse of a crazy Latino yelling "That shit ain't funny!" while being dragged into a paddy wagon. Additionally, while I love listening to KMBZ, I can't hear the call letters without having an overwhelming urge to bitch slap Jerry Agar with a 7 layer burrito for his short sighted and ignorant views about immigration.

But local blogger Katy is a nice woman so instead we all can enjoy her wonderful photos and her heartfelt admiration for this country's most beloved humor columnist. Additionally, the encounter made it on to Barry's blog as well.

Take heed bloggers and writers alike, leaving the house just might be good for you after all . . . a special thanks to Katy for letting me know about the link. Her blog is pretty awesome and a hell of lot nicer than this place.

KCPD gets a clue

The KCPD found a bunch of guns they weren't even looking for after they recently drained a small lake near Blue Valley Park near 24th Street and Topping Avenue. The lake offered up four handguns, a rifle and a double-barreled shotgun but unfortunately did not relinquish the mighty Excalibur.

However, the police said that they did find a clue related to a murder investigation but didn't identify the object they found or specify the case to which it was connected. However, I'm sure they made some kind of forward progress. Because if they just wanted to waste time and mislead people they could just go to a KC Crime Commission meeting instead of spending their time in a muddy lake bed.

Cold as Ice

A local fund drive seeks to raise $30 million for the KC Zoo. The campaign could bring a penguin exhibit to this town's money pit. Area homeless are encouraged to start working on their penguin costumes.

"Life ain't nothing but bitches and money"

As if to say "Like a cheap whore (i.e. most women) we're totally out to suck on the penis of anybody with a billion dollars" the Star writes a love letter to Lamar Hunt today. The opening paragraph of this story reads more like a biography than news.

The 73-year-old Hunt stayed 19 hours at the Lathrop & Gage law firm until almost 5 a.m. Tuesday. He then headed to his Arrowhead Stadium apartment for a 90-minute catnap before returning before 8 a.m. to complete the lease negotiations between the Chiefs, the Royals and Jackson County.

Just before noon, with his cane in hand, Hunt arrived at the Jackson County Courthouse in downtown Kansas City and took command of a jubilant lease-signing ceremony.

You can be sure that the Star employees were there throwing rose pedals in his path as he made his way to the meeting.

The article continues to "report" the lease agreement in glowing terms but the point of the story is this:

The signing meant legislators could call an April sales-tax election to overhaul the county-owned Arrowhead and Kauffman stadiums - and they did that quickly Tuesday, the deadline for putting items on the ballot.

Which is to say that all of this manufactured hype by the Star means virtually nothing. This thing was pushed on the ballot at the last minute because local politicos don't want to give anybody a chance to voice concerns over the sweetheart deal they have handed to our two local loser sports franchises. Additionally, it won't matter that much when the people of Kansas City vote the thing down because there is no way anybody in Jackson county could justify spending more than half a billion dollars to line the pockets of David Glass and Lamar Hunt. Look around at our schools, roads and the increasing violence in our neighborhoods and tell me this money is best spent making sure that we have a couple of mediocre teams who will never win a championship.

And ultimately, the teams will leave this town. But KC voters shouldn't feel guilty about this because it's the fault of every Johnson County fan (vampire) who didn't vote for bi-state funding. The fact that we have throngs of fans who live outside of County lines but still want broke ass Jackson County to pay for their entertainment is not only disgusting but also the biggest example of white welfare that these Republican freeloaders would not dare acknowledge. So let the teams leave . . . I'm sure all of the blonde skanks in this town can find other Black guys to smack them around. The only people who will miss our local losing teams are the County officials who seem to be at their mercy and the employees of the Star who have never met an ass of a billionaire that they didn't want to kiss.

Blunt administration wants to sell Missouri's student loan agency

Basically, it'll mean higher student loan rates but Baby Blunt never had to worry about anything like that since his Daddy took care of his education. Yes, I know he went to the Naval Academy but I'm sure daddy made it possible. Damn, I hate that guy . . . both of 'em.

Local Pasta company's stock falls 41%

This is what happens when you "cook" the books or trust Italians.

Fire department relocates some resources

Condoms, digital camera, breath mints, list of excuses for wives and lube will now be located away from the entrance of local fire stations.