KANSAS CITY MUST READ!!! COMEDY CLUB MEDIA KINGPIN TESTIMONY: CRAIG GLAZER REVEALS SOBERING DUI STOP DEETS!!!

TKC NOTE: Special treat for tonight, Kansas City scribe Craig Glazer offers an insider perspective on HIS CAPTIVATING RECENT DUI STOP and shares the details with TKC readers. Checkit:

Craig Glazer: My DUI Stop. Oh Brother!

It was on recent Friday night. I was on my way home from work at Stanfords. I had a lady with me in my car and was about 500 yards from my home in Fairway, Kansas. The time was near mid-night. I was driving under the speed limit of 40 mph and doing nothing wrong. Well that's what I THOUGHT! Then the lights went on behind me and I got pulled over. Oh brother.

Like all of us, I was thinking as the police officer was walking to my window, "I didn't do anything, what is this all about." He said, "mister Glazer I pulled you over cause you were driving erratically, have you been drinking?" It's the old, need an excuse to check you out, though I have no real reason to stop you story, right. The officer had picked me up just after exiting I-35 to Shawnee Mission Parkway. I said I hadn't been driving any such way and live right down the street coming home from work. I had only one drink. I told him the truth and admitted the one drink which at that point gave him cause to check. I did that cause the drink was a Tia Maria, smells like strong coffee and booze a bit. So much for not chewing gum, right. Then it began. "Get out of the car."

I had NEVER had a field sobriety test before. Yep hard to believe but true. He was an Overland Park officer. Of course now comes the 'back up' field Sgt. to watch and assist right. Nothing I said mattered and he told me it was all on camera in his car. I said can I see the 'poor driving' video..of course not.

He did the eye test which was crazy. Instead of a brief look left and right, up and down...he did extended arms out, don't move your head, which you of course do to watch his arm go way out...and several times. It's on video and when you move your head..looks like your aren't following commands, you appear to maybe be drunk when you aren't. The fact my eyes were fine mattered not.

Now the toe to toe in the dark straight line walk. Sounds easy right. NOPE. With those police lights from two cars in your eyes, "keep your arms to your sides" and really its like walking a tight rope. Hey I'm a decent athlete and I stumbled a bit. You of course need your arms out for balance. NOPE. Even a Chiefs Player might stumble on that one. Ha. I tried and didn't do so well. I asked for the 'test tube' to blow in and he said NOPE. Keep going. Now stand on one leg for twenty seconds, now the other. Arms down. Not easy either. I did that. I think. He said I flunked and did I just want to sign a ticket. Welp that means DUI and under arrest. I asked for the 'test tube' again. finally the Sgt. said give it to him.

They were polite. I saw maybe six of these type stops on the way home. I am aware of police all over the place on weekend nights doing DUI stops. Much like this one. Meaning just checking and them hoping you don't pass so in my opinion a $ stop is made and paid for the city. Not because folks are driving poorly or to really protect anyone. Remember they knew I was near my home, my driving was very good, no speeding and they didn't see really anything wrong. Just hoping.

I blew a .025...the one drink number. Way below DUI .08. They seemed surprised. It took about 20 to 30 minutes. I said "no offense guys, but isn't this continued use of law enforcement at night kinda a waste of manpower. We do have serious crime out there these days." Of course no comment back except, "Craig you can go home now." The field text was and is way over the top and why not just check with the blow test to speed it up and end it fast? I guess they want you to look stupid on video. Not following commands. You tell me. Again they were quite nice and polite, but still it was a shot gun type stop to just add numbers to DUI arrests in my opinion. I think these type of stops and DUI checkpoints are a bit out of control these days. We have better use of law enforcement at night. Sure if you are really driving crazy that's one thing, but....so be careful out there. We are the targets.
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