Wednesday, August 27, 2014

TKC BREAKING AND EXCLUSIVE NEWS!!! FORMER KANSAS CITY MAYOR FUNKHOUSER AND 'FIRST LADY' GLORIA SQUITIRO STILL TRYING TO SELL FUNK'S FRONT PORCH!!!



Even top Kansas City political players confront harsh real estate reality once in awhile.

To wit . . .

THANKS TO KICK-ASS TKC TIPSTERS FOR SENDING US THIS KANSAS CITY POLITICAL REAL ESTATE LISTING WHICH REVEALS FUNK'S FRONT PORCH UP FOR SALE AGAIN!!!

In better times, former Mayor Mark Funkhouser and his co-mayor "First Lady" Gloria Squitiro conducted a great deal of disastrous city biz from this location. The duo touted "Funk's Front Porch" as not only the title of the first Kansas City Mayoral blog but also as their homespun and shoeless approach to local politics.



But then, as they always do, things got ugly . . .



Mostly because of our KICK-ASS TKC BLOG COMMUNITY . . . The Mayor was forced out in an embarrassing and unprecedented primary defeat and now all that's left is the legacy of his leftover real estate along with Mayor Sly's contention that at least he's better than the last guy . . . Which isn't saying much.

Anyhoo . . .

When former Kansas City "first lady" Gloria Squitiro isn't discussing Proust on the Internets (ugh) . . . AWESOME TKC TIPSTERS reveal her doing a bit of real estate pimping.

Accordingly . . . Check the lasting for a bit of FAILED Kansas City political history and dormant real estate:

Gloria's Real Estate Description: "Recently renovated historic 3-story shirtwaist in Kansas City’s desirable Brookside-Country Club Plaza neighborhood. Sunlit 4-bedroom, 2½ bath, with classic living spaces that include: stainless and granite kitchen; butler’s pantry; formal dining room; living room with gas fireplace; first floor laundry and powder room. Other items of interest: sauna; hardwood floors; zoned heating and cooling; garage parking and fenced yard. Located on a quiet block, just a short stroll to upscale shopping on the Plaza, the trolley track trail and Loose Park. Near to Kansas City’s popular public French Immersion and Montessori schools and many elite private and Catholic schools. Pets considered"

For Rent or Sale! • BROOKSIDE – PLAZA*

Recently renovated historic 3-story shirtwaist in Kansas City’s desirable Brookside-Country Club Plaza neighborhood. Sunlit 4-bedroom, 2½ bath, with classic living spaces that include: stainless and granite kitchen; butler’s pantry; formal dining room; living room with gas fireplace; first floor laundry and powder room. Other items of interest: sauna; hardwood floors; zoned heating and cooling; garage parking and fenced yard. Located on a quiet block, just a short stroll to upscale shopping on the Plaza, the trolley track trail and Loose Park. Near to Kansas City’s popular public French Immersion and Montessori schools and many elite private and Catholic schools. Pets considered.

FEATURES & AMENITIES

MAIN LEVEL
• Front porch
• Fireplace
• Formal dining room
• Stainless and granite kitchen
• Butlers pantry
• Fenced-in backyard with deck
• Laundry and powder room
• Hardwood floors
• Original light fixtures

SECOND & THIRD LEVELS
• Master bedroom with sitting area and en-suite
• Two additional bedrooms and bathroom
• Third level bedroom, with zoned heating and cooling
• Hardwood floors

Built 1914
2,550 Square Feet
Available March 1, 2015
#############

28 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Tkc, many call it the "shabby shack" and it's so overpriced that it has been on and off the market for nearly 4 years. Guess they can't do real estate either.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to hear about shirtwaists.

Anonymous said...

Better than those shitheaps up on Jefferson on the westside. What a slum.

Anonymous said...

She's a Dead fan so she can't be all bad.

Anonymous said...

What's the price? Everything in Brookside that's priced right seems to go pretty fast these days.

Anonymous said...

Has to be over $400k. Funk hung a lot of paper on that dyi disaster.
The Star reporters asked then mayor funk about the underwater mortgage. His answer was a shrug, then explaining he wasn't worried because he had no intention of moving. He did say that if they had to sell they'd be "in a world of hurt".
They really screwed up a nice house. That description is pure lies.

Anonymous said...

3rd floor is an awkward sloping room. Don't think the "dude in the attic" could stand up straight other than the middle of the room.
Historic? A butt nekked family living there does not make it historic.

Anonymous said...

You can bet Byron got the 14 inch strap on when Gloria moved out.......

Sick bastard.

Anonymous said...

Sexually-related stains festoon the hardwood floors in every room: No Extra Charge

Anonymous said...

Wait until you folks meet Mayor Cofran.

Anonymous said...

"Other items of interest: sauna" ... God NO!

Theresa Garza said...

I wonder whether I could move in really quickly?

Anonymous said...

Lets see, ex Mayor house for sale, and candidate that looks like Mark Ruffalo.......

You found your sweet spot. You will disappoint the bigots, but whatever.

Anonymous said...

Every room of the house will need to be "purified" to be rid of Gloria's way bad karma.

Then maybe it will sell. I like the trees.

Anonymous said...

I am certain that the house still reeks of the pungent body odor of the rarely bathed Flunk and even more putrid Squid. Maybe TKC can find the guy who bought Berdella's house and knocked it down? Or perhaps it can be sold to Ed Eilert and turned into a museum? He likes museum real estate :)

Seen this one before said...

8:11 is a soreassed streetcar supporter, who yearns for a time when the Star was the only source of "news" in this town.

Anonymous said...

OH NO 911=Self Loathing Guy.

At least you have broadened your vocabulary, ever so slightly.

Anonymous said...

Apparently none of TKC's devoted readers or the retards who have posted above are aware of the brewing calamity coming to town! If the two former Municipal Laughingstock's are unable to sell or rent their former "mansion," they may have to come back to town and apply their formidable expertise to the problem of what to do with the "shabby shack." What could be worse than that?

Anonymous said...

what a beast

Anonymous said...

On Craigslist it has pics. Want to rent?
Pets welcomed.
Airbnb? I guess they think it would make a nice boutique bed n breakfast. Neighbors would shriek. Right zoning? Or does the pet© think she can cast an evil eye on P&Z?

Byron Funkhouser said...

Closet queen @ 6:54,

You fantasize about gay sex & it makes me a "sick bastard"? Amazing. Surely, there are some gay bars in KC that would let you in, even if you are an ugly little closet queen. You're a stupid sick bastard & its not my fault.

Mark & Gloria have a long history of this behavior. They think they know everything, apparently by osmosis or something. Eventually, they will abandon this house, as they did the one they owned in Salem, WV. If they were good people, they would give it to a homeless family.

Being a cosmopolitan city, you have thousands of homeless people. Being stupid hillbillies, we here in Clarksburg, WV don't have any homeless people. We sent social workers & volunteers to search out & find everyone of them & then arranged for housing for them. But, city slickers don't know anything about community, they seem to hate everyone.

Eventually, you will have to tear down this house, because they are stupid, selfish bastards. In the meantime, enjoy the blight.

Anonymous said...

Dang, good for you Byron!

Anonymous said...

Those shirtwaists that were built by Nelson to house his artists in residence are worth nothing more than 300k and that is being really, really generous.

In reality, you are buying into flooding area that is only a few blocks south of the murder capital of KC 38th and warwick.

Anonymous said...

"Mark & Gloria have a long history of this behavior. They think they know everything, apparently by osmosis or something."

Seems to run in the family, Byron. I can't think of a single topic you're not an expert on, including sheep.

Anonymous said...

6:51: How long have you lived in KC? The shirtwaists Nelson built are near Cleaver & Troost. The Funkhouser mansion is considerably south of 38th & Warwick, which is definitely not the murder "capital" of Kansas City. You need to get out more.

Anonymous said...

Did Tony stumble upon this while looking for his own place?? Nah, who am I shitting...it's too late for that cellar dweller.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't Legal Aide of Western Missouri sue to take title of the house as an abandoned property?

I mean the stains on the floors could be sanded down in all likelihood.

The homeowners on the block deserve to have the property transferred and sold at a reasonable price before wood rot and vermin destroy the structure.

Anonymous said...

As long as the yard is taken care of, the taxes are paid, and the mortgage payments are current there are no grounds for action.