Thursday, May 08, 2014

WILL HIPSTERS SAVE KANSAS CITY?!?!



Long story short . . . Kansas City is launching a website and hosting a few gatherings at trendy spots in order to celebrate 20-somethings chasing jobs in middle-management.

The Biz Journal takes a somewhat critical look at this effort: Bigwig KC companies launch 'LiveKC' to attract millennials

For a moment, let's forget that this term went out of style about 2 years ago . . .

Mind you, these aren't just any kind of "millennials" Kansas City is looking for . . . Kansas City is still a horrible place for 20-somethingse concerned about lower taxes, good schools, city services and low crime. Instead, Kansas City is looking for party people disguised as professional-class 20-somethings chasing the good life, status and a job that requires mostly talking in the trendiest biz casual attire. These 2nd-tier college grads are typically the worst kind of people and usually looking to start their own consultancy. For lack of a better word, most would cal these folks "hipsters."

And so the questions goes out . . .

IS IT A GOOD IDEA FOR KANSAS CITY TO INVEST BILLIONS INTO MAKING THIS TOWN A HIPSTER DESTINATION!?!?!?

We're approaching this topic with an open mind because if the answer is yes then we're totally going to open a t-shirt shore and start charging $30-a-pop for our clever sentiments.

If not . . . Then somebody should probably mention that relying on hipsters to generate BILLIONS worth of revenue on which the toy train and so much shady real estate subsidy depends might not be the best idea.

Developing . . .

35 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Better title: James Franco saves Kansas City.

KC Truth said...

Welcome To Detroit

Anonymous said...

Feral negro youth will save kc.

P Bear said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

GET READY FOR GREATNESS. Maybe they can find a few government jobs for them, using recycled tax money of course.

P Bear said...

Hipsters will save Killa City when dogshit turns to the value of gold.

Not a snowballs chance in hell will a non working, no bathing, deadbeat, latte sipping, negro loving, nob smoking hipster will do anything other than waste oxygen.

Nope "HIPSTERS" are to busy telling each other how smart they are and how they will solve the worlds problems.

Fuck, that's some insane thinking. Too much cafiene for sure.

Todd Twatsworth, local "good guy" said...

Let it hereby be decreed that henceforth anyone seen not wearing a Chiefs or KState/KU/Mizzou shirt will be labelled a hipster.

Anonymous said...

P Bear 2016!

Anonymous said...

Great picture, and fun funky news.

Anonymous said...

We support the Polar Bear, we hate hipsters. KC needs more polar bears and less hipsters.

Anonymous said...

It looks as if KC has discovered the term "hipster" a full 8 years after the rest of the country.

Anonymous said...

Heyyyyy wait...I thought the cockmouthed, con artist, grifter buck dancin psuedo crime fighter shine in a zoot suit was going to save KC, Wha happend??

The Old Beatnik said...

Hipsters: the dumbest generation. I hate the fact they stole a noble name. They are not the hipsters of the 40's and 50's. The feral animals will run them out of town too.

Anonymous said...

There's one very basic and irreversible problem of a city betting hundreds of millions of dollars that will take decades to pay off on a fad that's currently popular with 20-something year olds.
They'll soon be 35 years old and gone to do other things, but the bond payments will suck the life out of the city's general fund for decades.
Anyone for bell bottom pants or disco balls?

Anonymous said...

Greasy fuckin hairy pancake ass stinking poser fuck heads

Anonymous said...

I saw a gay negro hipster the other day. These are extraordinary times.

Anonymous said...

Apparently no problem with betting hundreds of millions of dollars on the dad of your era though: subsidized tract house sprawl that necessitates personal automobile usage to merely to survive.

Shit changes, silly reactionaries. Young people are certainly the saviors of this city, it's an indisputable fact. All you whiny suburbanites thought your beige garage mahal was the ONLY thing ANYBODY could EVER want, and you were wrong.

This city is filled with young and old people who like it. You don't, and your last refuge is anonymous internet howling and inchoate rage. I get it, you are simple and close minded. I'm sure that's tough, but you need to start acting like the grown ups you pretend to be and get the fuck over it. No one under 30 wants to live in bland ass suburbia. A whole bunch of people over 30 don't either (I'm 42). And the young people may or may not later decide that they want to live in culdesacs and drive half their lives across arterials just to get to their schools and churches and grocery stores and chain restaurants...or they might not. Either way, they'll have that option, or increasingly options to live in this fucking awesome, vibrant, funky little city. People in this country have been subsidizing your American dream for 60 years. Time to share a little. It's still less government titty milk than you are getting, and your been drinking more than your share for so fucking long that you feel entitled. You are...to a portion. But not to it all. Not anymore. Get used to it.

Anonymous said...

Im 42 as well. My dad shit bigger than these pussies.
He actually, hands on,along with my grandfather and uncles helped build kc..no titty milk for them. Just a lot of hard work.

Proud Kansas Citian said...

Winner winner chicken dinner! I couldn't agree more.

Anonymous said...

@ Todd Twatsworth, local "good guy"

No all SEC, BIG 12 and MIAA teams are OK as well.

But, if you sport any Big 10 or Pac 12 teams and never been to the fucking state then yes, you are a hipster.

Anonymous said...

@8:34pm
We'll put you down for hula hoops and organic arugula.
And a hope that at some point you'll ask yourself why over 80% of the people in the metro live somewhere other than KCMO and half the population of KCMO live north of the river, which more clsely resembles Overland Park than Brookside.
One of the most attractive aspects of the metro is the great variety of housing options and it's interesting to see people voting on that issue with their feet.
Of 2.4 million residents, 10,000 live in downtown KCMO. Only 16% of the metro jobs are in downtwon KCMO, and most of those by far are with some level of government. The major office buildings downtown are 40+% vacant.
Rah rah gets you only so far and then the facts tend to intervene.
If folks want to live downtown, all the best. But some kind of nirvana it aint.

Anonymous said...

Awesome ! Now we can have an infusion of new metro-sexuals gathering @ the broke back fountain on the Plaza !

Anonymous said...

Sad , but true .

Anonymous said...

Them chicks are kind of pudgette to be hanging their navels out like that, yes? Is fat the new skinny or something?

Anonymous said...

They're fuckable, no?

Anonymous said...

9:08 wins the "creative facts" award of the evening. Maybe you are one d those despicable creative class hipsters after all...

80% of the metro live outside kcmo? Hahaha. 2 million/465 thousand, moron.

Half the pop lives north of the river? Hahaha. Try the pop north of the river is half what it is south 150k vs 300k.

16% of metro jobs are in 1/8,000 of the metro land area? Sounds like a pretty high concentration for 1 square mile...

And so you know, 50% of metro jobs are in the 50 square mile urban core, which is 5/800ths of the metro's landmass. And 1 out of every 10 people live in that same 5/800ths of the metro.

And 95% of everything worth seeing doing or experiencing in the metro is there.

Try again tit sucker.

Suburbs don't exist without cities. That's plain indisputable fact, and it's time you learned some.

Anonymous said...

They will flock into downtown KC when the toy trolley is up and running.

Anonymous said...

Wonder if we'll be able to drink wine and sleep on it.

Anonymous said...

"Hipsters" in this town are anyone who doesn't listen to Trace Adkins and wear cargo shorts.

That is pretty much the criteria in this cornfed and braindead Rube Metropolis

Anonymous said...

Moooooommmmmm!!!!

The cool kids are being mean and teasing me again! First they want to build a stupid toy train and I told the that's a boondoggle and they didn't listen and now they found the place online were me and like 4 other guys just get together you know and write about how stupid they are and also about cum and Even one guy just says the n word all the time but now a hunch of real people found out about it and they are not agreeing with me!

Make them stop mommy!

Make Bry guy stop them and their fucking streetcar! Or I'm going to eat mud!

Anonymous said...

6:18 PM: We were trying to ignore them, hoping they'd go away--maybe to Denver, Austin, Portland, etc.

Anonymous said...

8:34, if you're 42 and consider KCMO to be a "fucking awesome, vibrant, funky little city," you're either smokin' some good stuff or have set your bar in life really low.

Anonymous said...

9:28: As the hipster manifesto says, "If you don't like it, you can always move."

Anonymous said...

This blog is like the "impotent reactionary suburbanite delusional entitlement culture head in the sand behind the times low information white malcontent manifesto"

Anonymous said...

And once again the delusional representative from north of the River weighs in with his incisive observations.