Sunday, March 23, 2014

MUST READ!!! Kansas City Brookside Toy Train Streetcar Hipster Manifesto Response



TKC NOTE: Thanks to a Brookside Kansas City reader for this bit of irony and a Sunday meme response in KCMO . . .

This is Aunt June of Brookside's Oldster Manifesto, a response to the hipster manifesto. Aunt June is a member of SMARTKC.

A conversation with little Aunt June...she is wanting a streetcar and that is that.

"Simmer down, now. This is how its gonna be, Bubba. I want the street car extension through Brookside and Waldo. I need your vote. We need to make this happen. Here are some of the reasons and just writing all of this makes me tired. I'm gonna need a nap.

Vote yes on the streetcar extension into Brookside and Waldo. Why? I will tell you why. You know those huge trees that umbrella the boulevards and streets? I want those chain-sawed down. I like lots of sunshine. Hey, I'm not a sissy. No sun block here. Take those 80 year old trees and make mulch for all I care. Too many leaves to rake, anyway. Oh, and that anti-pollution job of big trees? They clean the air of thousands of pounds of pollution? Plant a bush and don't confuse me with facts. Think Green? Think GREY!

Vote YES on the streetcar extension because I never wanted those 300 parking spaces at Brookside/Waldo anyway. We have parking up the WA-Zoo. Who says we need more parking in Brookside and Waldo? The store owners? Well, too bad. Shoppers need to come earlier. It won't hurt them to drive around awhile. I would rather see those electric poles and wires, lots of em', running up and down and criss crossing Brookside. To sum up.. no parking spaces as they are now,.no trees, just electric poles and wires. Lovely. Looks like progress to me. We will look cosmopolitan. We will look like Portland. So cool! I am one lucky gal.

I just love the sound of the railroad type gates that must be at every intersection. They not only look pretty, big and red, they sound great, with lots of bells and whistles and since they will be at every stop....more is better. Par-TAY! Love that the streetcar is big, 78 feet long, is noisy and it vibrates (whee) and uses coal to make the electricity. Lights and noise and vibration? What's not to like?

Forget peace and quiet. Those old fogies, can't remember their names. Whatever. If they want peace and quiet like they have had before, then they need to move. Bu-Bye, now. Take the bus. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

I especially want the streetcar to bring people out this way, "out yonder" to take a good look at Southwest High School. Don't be jealous Our fine school is UNACCREDITED. You don't find that everywhere. Famous. It takes decades of concentrated lack of effort to get that title. We are so proud!

Who said education was a good thing? Really? So you are saying I should be concerned about education and not spending millions on a street car? YOU are no fun, Bubba.

I WANT a new airport. I WANT a streetcar. And I want it now. About the streetcar downtown...not finished until 2015. Some folks would say we should wait and see how downtown pans out, but not me, NO way. That's for losers.

Remember the downtown streetcar was voted in by mail...and it only took 314 votes for the City to spend 225 MILLION. Easy Peesy. The secret? It's all in the RUSH. Spring it on em when they don't see it comin!

I want the prestige of a streetcar. Classy folks ride the streetcar. Forget buses. They aren't romantic. Yeah, yeah, they run every twenty minutes, and they are low cost, and they are paid for...but, listen to me...I said I want the high class streetcar. I don't care about cost. I live for today. Forget there isn't enough money. If you want it, go for it. And, get this, if you lie enough, tell them Brookside and Waldo are really blighted neighborhoods, the Feds will GIVE you a grant. I'm not makin this stuff up. H e l l o ? I don't think you are keeping up, boy.

Vote for this!! Only the hippest people vote with us! Especially renters and students that don't have to pay a dollar of the cost. Unlike those stooges who live within one-half mile of the car line. They will have to pay for 25 years. Heck that is only 9,000 days. They need to quit their gripping. Those same no bodies will pay an extra 1 cent sales tax for, get this.....drum roll.......30 years...or 10,800 days. Well, that is a long time, but, I don't care. I want my fancy, cutesy, high class streetcar and if they have to pay, they have to pay. It's rough all over.

Ain't life great? If you vote for this, I get what I want, when I want it, and make the others pay for it! That will learn' em!!

I'll be visitin' you next week, and I don't want any back talk. It's all about me!

Aunt June"
###########

42 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Aunt June NOOOOOOOOOOO

Westport Trucky said...

Aunt June needs some weed to mellow out with.

Anonymous said...

And Aunt June is only 23 years old. She really needs to get off that organic arugula and those soy latte's!

Anonymous said...

What the hell was this about anyway?

Could we PLEASE get back to the race-baiting and racial genocide comments?

Anonymous said...

June loves niggers @4:41

P Bear said...

You know what Aunt fucking June can do ! Talking that smack "wa-zoo". Bitch never been to the fucking zoo. Nothing here for god damn sure. Hipster my fucking ass. Tell the old bag to walk if she like "sunshine in her face".

Anonymous said...

I choose to live carless in KC. I'm one of those... This streetcar opens up a whole new window of the urban core and is essential to the growth of the city not just for the privileged whose habits are changing (choosing not to own vehicles) but for those without equal access to cars. Of course it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that the economy is sucks and is in the shitter, and I can't afford car. It's just that the only jobs available don't pay enough for me to even rent my own place, let alone pay off my student loan debt which I am now in default on. So this is good thing! It's free, and no cost to us to ride. This will be great for getting around so I can knock back drinks to drown away my disapointments with the whole rotten deal me and my peers don't know how to deal with. Were not going to work demeaning jobs, and build long term. We want it now, andwe deserve this, even if we don't have to earn it. We're the future of this city and we expect to be taken care of. We don't want work interfering with our social lives, there are things to do. Party's, nerd nights, surfing the net, what have you. And don't tell us to shut up when we're having a good time and keeping you working class people from sleeping at night. The Streetcar is coming and thats just the way it's gonna be.

Anonymous said...

Wait till they start ticketing the hipsters for drunk in public on the train. That will teach them.

Cry me a river.......... said...

4:55 it's rough being a Hipster.

Anonymous said...

Aunt June is awesome. She understands the importance of organic granular infill of unused worthless green space and most of all density! The more dense and packed things are, the happier people will be. Oh, does she know how to write code? If not she should learn, so she can launch her own start up at home. Get rid of her car, and use the Trolley to go to the grocery store. A fiber and connection and Trolley is all anyone needs! I'd like to buy her a drink if I see her.

Anonymous said...

Brooksiders will be grateful when the trail is redone and retrofitted with modern futuristic overhead wires, rails, with the pleasant sounds of Streetcars passing back and forth on a quiet summer evening. Also new developments such as market rate apartments along the trail will raise the value of their homes. The city will rezone everything to benefit developers also who want to put market rate office buildings and other desirable features Brookside currently lacks. Don't worry about trees, these are a useless feature that cause more pollution than automobiles. Infill potential is what is important.

Anonymous said...

more racial hatred please and fewer unsuccessful attempts at humor.

Loyal Trolley Supporter said...

I've walked the trail and it's so lonely and quiet. I live downtown but if this area can become dense and urbanized like downtown is and popular I would consider maybe renting an apartment there. Craft beer places seem to be flourishing there more than downtown. Maybe there could be a Craft Beer Trolley Crawl every Friday and Saturday night once all the construction is complete.It can run round the clock and bar hours could be extended to round the clock also rather than 3 A.M.

Anonymous said...

@ 5:21 between this battle in brookside and the signs in Westport TKC blogged about, I find this to be a rather witty side of Kansas City politics and economic development, by far more grass roots and intriguing than the same ole' same ole' from most of the PR firms hired down on locust

Anonymous said...

Very good, Aunt June, but we hipsters may just have to unleash the fifth revision of the REAL manifesto to show you who's really the manifeistier around these parts.

Anonymous said...

Brookside must get up to speed and strive to become a walk-able car-less neighborhood. The Streetcars will provide all the necessary transportation a person could desire. It will take you to work at Cerner's new campus, or to Downtown KC to join the weekend revelers at Power and Light. Couple hundred bucks a year and all your needs are taken care of.

Anonymous said...

We're gonna shove that streetcar down your Brookside-Waldo throats. And if you don't like it, you can always move.

Anonymous said...

5:38: But will it take us to our jobs at Starbucks?

Mayors Advisory Board said...

Streetcars only need to go from Downtown to UMKC and then over to Extended Stay America, then to Missy B's then back Downtown. So even if the CCRW leg doesn't pan out let's stay focused on the important priorities.

Anonymous said...

this is one issue where there are good arguments on both sides, but i for one cannot get passed the stench of the actions by those on locust to usurp a vote of the people a la Clay Chastain's initiave, like it or not a vote is a vote and the initiative process must be cherished because it is the one course of redress the people have. and therefore, i cannot support mayor james and the council on this one.

Anonymous said...

this is one issue where there are good arguments on both sides, but i for one cannot get passed the stench of the actions by those on locust to usurp a vote of the people a la Clay Chastain's initiave, like it or not a vote is a vote and the initiative process must be cherished because it is the one course of redress the people have. and therefore, i cannot support mayor james and the council on this one.

City Kouncil said...

We can rip up and throw away any conflicting vote we choose. Voters will not deprive us of our streetcar glory! If we have to go mail in election broadcast only on our close social media circles to get the winning vote to bad.

Anonymous said...

All right people. We've had it. You just don't appreciate our vision for your future. You asked for it, so here goes the fifth revision of the Hipster Manifesto:

We hipsters are getting soooooo tired of all the negativity surrounding the glamorous streetcar we have decided this city (using the term loosely) will have, so we are hereby issuing the fifth revision of our Hipster Manifesto. After all, if it worked for Marx, it should work for us. We think Groucho would be so proud if only he were alive today, and if he wouldn't approve, well he could always move. Even if Groucho would not approve, Zeppo, Chico, and Gummo most likely would. Harpo never said anything, anyway, so who cares?

It’s obvious that some people in Kansas City are behind the times and do not understand the contributions we hipsters are making to this once moribund cowtown. As incredible as it seems, some people actually (can you believe it?) object to the fact that they are inconvenienced by all of the benefits we are bringing to flyover country simply by breathing the air in this midwestern backwater. Well, all we can say is get used to it. We’re here, and we’re not going anywhere—well, for a while, anyway. The following are the new rules we hipsters are establishing for this burnt out burg. If you do not like them, you can always move.

If you live anywhere from downtown to 85th Street, we reserve the right to hold marathons in your neighborhoods on any and all given Saturdays we choose. You should plan to stay in your homes and off the streets when we hold these events. If you are so inconsiderate that you simply must get out on one of the Saturdays we have occupied your neighborhood, please plan to do so after we are finished with our marathons, as we will do everything possible to thwart any automobile traffic we see. If you object to our taking over your neighborhoods for a good cause, you are a whiner, a cheapskate, and probably an obese doughnut-eating anti-fitness freak, and you do not deserve to live anywhere, let alone in the pleasant neighborhoods we have decided to honor with our presence so frequently. If you’re Jewish and are trying to get to temple (we hear this excuse a lot—even from people who are probably not even Jewish), we’ll you’re not supposed to be operating machinery on the Sabbath anyway, so there. If you do not like this, you can always move or convert.

We reserve the right to install any and all streetcar lines whenever and wherever we decide. Although we live in condos and apartments downtown that offer property tax subsidies, you are required to pay for the streetcars whether or not you ever use them. And don’t tell us to take the bus. We know there are a lot of them in this backwater, but buses are so Twentieth Century and are certainly not worthy of us hipsters. If you do not like this, you can always move. (Continued)

Anonymous said...

The taxing structure of the inevitable streetcar project was SUPPOSED to be a secret, but obviously someone blabbed. Yes, those who live within a half mile or so of the line will pay more in property taxes, and yes it’s supposed to be only for 25 years, but you know the city’s never gonna let go of that dough! And yes, the whole city gets to decide to impose this tax on the few who live near the streetcar lines and who also get to put up with the noise, dust, and all the other neato stuff that goes along with it. Well, so what? You should be happy the new technology will bring us closer to you. Why just having us ride within a half mile of your house should be worth something! And besides, if a whole state can vote to deny the tax breaks married people get to gay people, well, what’s wrong with the whole city making a minority of property owners pay a little more for the things we want? What’s good for the goosed is good for whatever. And a lot of people in Brookside and Waldo are gay, anyway, so they’re used to getting shafted when it comes to taxes. (A few of us hipsters are gay, so we put this in just for them; we do have to pander every now and again even if we don’t really think they’re as kewl as us.) If you people in Brookside and Waldo do not like our taking over your neighborhoods for such events as marathons and streetcars and paying for our new toys, well that’s your problem. You should of thought about that before you moved into such attractive neighborhoods in the first place, and you can always move.

Each and every streetcar line should have a stop at a Wal-Mart. While in principle we hipsters would not be caught dead in one of these places, in practice we do like low prices. Starbucks only pays so much, you know, and, let’s face it, with so many of us majoring in fine arts history, Wal-Mart is a good source of employment until we can get our real lives jump started or find a job at Starbucks, so, although we do like to keep it quiet, some of us actually have jobs at Wal-Mart and no cars. Don’t get us wrong. We certainly don’t want to live near a Wal-Mart. Heavens, no! Why, have you seen the kind of people Wal-Mart attracts? Eeeeeeew!

While we condemn any overt discrimination against people of color, we don’t really want to have anything to do with them (unless they happen to be hipsters, like us), hence our aversion to buses and our unwillingness to cross Troost and certainly Prospect. It’s all good and well to talk equality, but really, people! We are, of course, willing to use racism as a tool against any and all of our opponents. If you don’t like marathons, streetcars, and higher taxes for things we want, you’re a racist, in other words. See how well that works? If you don’t like it, you can always move to some Ku Klux Klan enclave in Utah or wherever.

Most of us cannot afford cars. (Starbucks only pays so much, you know.) And those who can afford cars do not like them, so we have decided that such car-friendly facilities as Kansas City International Airport are much too convenient and must be replaced with, for example, a single-terminal airport so that when our hipster friends come to visit us we will be able to hold our heads up and be proud of the fact that we will have an airport that is just as inconvenient as those in larger cities. If you do not like this, you can always move.

We reserve the right to make and answer any and all calls whenever and wherever we are, whether in a theater, a movie, a church, a funeral, the restrooms at COSTCO, Half Price Books, a library, wherever. Our calls are much more important than anything you have going on. So what if you have to wait a few minutes longer when the cashier has to wait for us to end our call. Will this kill you? How rude can you get? If you do not like this, you should stay at home, shop online, and watch TV. Or better yet, you can always move to an Amish community. (Continued)

Anonymous said...

We are not going to be bothered by learning the differences between your and you’re, its and it’s, to, too, and two, “should have” and “should of” and all the other rules of grammar, punctuation, spelling, usage, and capitalization. These rules are for the small minded, and we have our minds occupied with much larger and more important things like tweeting and updating our Facebook pages. You say a sentence should start with a capital letter and end with a period? we say who cares if you can’t understand what we’re trying to say well that’s you’re problem and you can always move

We hipsters think it's time to revisit the story of the emperor who had no clothes. In that story you will recall everyone believed the emperor was dressed in the finest clothing possible until a little brat offered his unsolicited opinion that the emperor was not wearing any clothing. Well, who would you believe? Everyone who admires the new clothes or the little brat? Please accept that we hipsters have a vision for Kansas City, and we will impose that vision on you, vote or no vote. So don't be like the little brat and spoil the illusion--er, I mean vision--for everyone. Never mind the man behind the curtain even if he does look a little like the mayor, in other words. And if you don't like it, you can always move.

We, like the employees of “The Circle” in Dave Eggers’ insightful book of the same name want you to “like” us and rate us highly. If you do not give us top marks, we will only contact you for further explanation and justification for not rating us highly, so you might just as well save us both a lot of time and rate us exceptional in the first time around. Remember, we’ve been rated “outstanding” all our lives for just breathing, and we like it that way.

In the future as we hook up and reproduce, we, like everyone kewl, will be moving to the ‘burbs. You certainly don’t expect us to stick around this debt-ridden hole once the price tag for the streetcar and the new airport comes due, do you? Hell, no! We won’t stay! Our helicopter parents cleaned up after us all our lives so far, and now it’s someone else’s turn! We, like Hitler, need our Lebensraum, although some of our best friends are Jews. And our new living rooms will be in the ‘burbs, probably even in JOCO if it’s still kewl. One of the neatest things about Kansas City is the state line. Once we cross it, presto, and all of the city’s problems are now someone else’s problems! It will be springtime for JOCO and winter for KC, so all you smug JOCO folks, so snug as a bug in a rug, watch out. We’ll be coming to your towns soon, and boy will we make changes there. You won’t recognize the place once we do our thing, and if you don’t like it, well you can always move.

Please feel free to suggest additions to the Manifesto. Like us, it’s a piece of work in progress. And if you don't like it, you can always move.

Anonymous said...

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do."

Saint Ronald, 1981

Anonymous said...



"Yes, just as president Ronald Reagan said in 1981. 'Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do,' he opined. A little later, environmental scientists ruefully confirmed he was partially right. In hot weather, trees release volatile organic hydrocarbons including terpenes and isoprenes - two molecules linked to photochemical smog. In very hot weather, the production of these begins to accelerate" source http://www.theguardian.com/science/2004/may/13/thisweekssciencequestions3

Anonymous said...

"The term "light rail" was invented specifically for the contrast with "heavy rail," which is a competing alternative for the same relatively long corridors. Light rail often makes closely-spaced stops right in downtown, and may thus serve a "streetcar" function there, but it does this mainly for the purpose of providing good access to people who want to use its higher-speed segments. I refer to streetcars/trams only when I mean local-stop services, designed to do pretty much what local buses do. (Such services are usually no faster or more reliable than a local bus.)" source http://www.humantransit.org/2010/03/streetcars-vs-light-rail-is-there-a-difference.html

Anonymous said...

Such services are usually no faster or more reliable than a local bus

Anonymous said...

It takes 15 minutes to drive downtown from the Plaza if you know what your doing. How longs it going to take on one of these overrated tin cans to get down there?

Anonymous said...

The tourists will flock to CK from all over the globe to witness our organic and granular marvels!

Anonymous said...

Can we enact a hipster ordinances? You know, the urban rednecks? Ban the possession of cheap plastic neon glasses, no wearing of aviators and skinny jeans at the same time.


Maybe get rid of these high rent zones in bad areas. The hipster can only function in areas with a high number of other hipsters. They share the same brain. If isolated, they become depressed.

elBryan said...

LOL, is this the same person arguing and responding to themselves?! I don't think there is a serious comment in this thread. It's all sarcasm.

Anonymous said...

While you're freezing your butt off on a cold drizzly February morning sipping your latte' and waiting for the streetcar to take you downtown, be sure to watch the big black limo with the tinteed windows roll by.
The guy in the back seat is the bond attorney who cashed in on the $300 million in streetcar bonds that residents of KCMO will be trying to pay off during the next 20 or so years.
Thanks for playing.
All aboard.

Anonymous said...

Are they going to have a special streetcar snow plow?

Editor said...

Nice writing, Aunt June. Funny and true.

Anonymous said...

Streetcar's a bad idea and a big distraction from far more important issues. KC's being played.

P Bear said...

elBryan, no satire with my postings. Ever... lol

Anonymous said...

The Manifestos are to the KC hipster dreams as Jonathan Swift's "Modest Proposal" (that the Irish eat their children) was to "the Irish problem." Sometimes absurdity has to be fought with absurdity.

Anonymous said...



Wow...you are so D E E P, 9:19.

Unimpressive.

Anonymous said...


3/23/14 Manifesto writer! Love your work! You and Aunt June need to team up. Funny.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, 3:52. Coming from you that means, well, absolutely nothing.