The Valentine's Day Recovery

There are probably thoughtful dudes out there who thoroughly plan out Valentine's Day activities and gifts for their sweethearts but I'm sure that those same dudes are most likely dating women who cheat on them and call them a sucker behind their back. Personally, I think procrastination provides the best kind of thrill while dealing with a situation or holiday where coming up empty handed means hearing about it for at least a year.

Yesterday, I didn't really have time to update the blog very much because I was engaged in the following activities.

Punching a 70 year-old woman in the face for cutting in front of me at a candle store. I didn't get the candle but they probably didn't get my license plate number either.

Crying at the florist and asking if they had some kind of public assistance or layaway plan given that a dozen roses cost as much as my parents first house.

Openly begging for a table at McDonald's given that every other restaurant in town had their answering machine taking calls for folks attempting to make late reservations. The message went like this: "Don't even bother, scumbag."

Still, yesterday turned out well and my Valentine was pleased with the Valentine's Day tic-tacks, a bouquet of Slim Jims and standing at the back of popular restaurant and smelling the food rather than actually eating anything. She's good like that and I know that I'm lucky.