Save Marcus Leach!!!

I graduated from UMKC and learned a valuable lesson: Nearly all college students are little assholes and EVERYONE who participates in student government has some kind of mental disorder. Furthermore, unless you count the ability to "deconstruct" popular movies or the masterful skill with which I type up the error laden posts on this blog, college really hasn't done me that much good. And I'm 3 classes shy of a Master's Degree.

Currently, student government President Marcus Leach faces impeachment thanks to a conspiracy among students who weren't bright enough to get into a decent school. Here are some of the highlights that will convince you that higher education is nothing more than an excuse for your kids to dick around until they are forced to compete for positions in middle management.

The five articles of impeachment drafted against Leach alleged that he had violated all three bases for sufficient cause.

Article I and II stated that Leach had violated the express will of the senate by continuing to receive his salary after a job evaluation in which the senate recommended suspension of pay, and making an expenditure out of the SGA Operations account that exceeded $50.

However, the senate can only make recommendations on suspension of pay; the vice chancellor has final authority over withholding salaries.

Article III and IV stated that Leach violated his constitutional responsibilities by failing to keep an accurate office hour log detailing his work and not attending Intercampus Student Council, Associated Students of the University of Missouri, and Board of Curators meetings. Article V cited several "hateful, derogatory and obscene" comments posted to a message board before Leach was president and a photo allegedly depicting Leach engaged in underage drinking as evidence of malfeasance of office.

Full Disclosure: I met Marcus Leach last year and he seemed like a great kid who actually worked to get into UMKC (suffer the thought). All of the "articles of impeachment" (snicker) seem like a good reason to vote for a student government President and anybody who takes this stuff seriously has obviously never had oral sex, a beer or a life and is therefore unqualified for any leadership position. For more background on Leach, here's a post from KC Soil on his initial win.

While this controversy isn't really important to anyone but the half a dozen college jerks involved in Student Government it's a clear sign that politics in college is akin to masturbating in front of a mirror. You're not really doing anybody any good but yourself and it's really embarrassing when other people see you. College Republicans along with the LGBT and other dumbass student activists are all the kind of people that you would never want to be stuck talking to at a party. When I was in college I tried to avoid these people like they were viral meningitis on a damp locker room bench. Part of attending college is to learn that associations, fraternities, sororities, governments, friends and other organizations are nothing more than groups out to use you. An educated person realizes that we're all pretty much out there on our own. As Rodney Dangerfield put it in his Higher Education opus "You've got to look out for number one and be careful not to step in number two!"

Still, I support Marcus Leach and encourage you do to the same not just because he's a nice guy and a decent person but also because I imagine his opponents are sniffling little brats judging by their trumped up charges and back door (no homo?) shenanigans in order create a controversy that is only mildly amusing at best.

What's the lesson to be learned by all of this? Student associations look great on your resume but they are rarely worth the trouble. Additionally, most frat guys are closeted homosexuals (not that there's anything wrong with that), all women should at least experiment with lesbianism in college and making sure that your fees are paid on time will ensure your success. "Pay your fees, get your B's" is pretty much the mantra for campus life and this recent UMKC political dust up offers proof of the unimportance of the whole thing.