God Hates Lions

The lions at the KC Zoo are sick not only because of a possible screw up by their handlers but also due to their wicked ways.

A former curator at the Kansas City Zoo on Friday defended the actions in the late 1990s that led to the zoo now having 10 lions with a feline virus.

Conrad Schmitt, now curator at the Naples Zoo at Caribbean Gardens in Florida, said three lions brought to the zoo in 1997 and 1998 initially tested negative for feline immunodeficiency virus, or FIV. But once they arrived at the zoo, and while still in quarantine, they inexplicably tested positive, Schmitt said.

Clearly, this is a sign that the lions should repent and turn to the Lord. I’ve seen the lions and they are lazy and godless as they do nothing but hang out all day and eat steak in their luxurious fur. The lions are such a swishy bunch, they growl and prance around their cages . . . pushing their audacious lifestyle right in my face! Well look who is laughing now? Surely, God has sent the lions this plague as retribution for their sins.

Shame on the KC Zoo for not teaching these lions about the benefits of abstinence; lions were once force fed Christianity (or at least Christians) and now federal funds can’t even be used to educate these felines about the Lord. And they call this progress? But luckily, now these sinful lions will be on display for all of KC to see the consequences of their lifestyle. A bunch of sickly lions may not be an enticing attraction for the KC Zoo but it could provide a valuable moral lesson.