Choke your chicken someplace else

Another KC landmark goes tits up as Stroud’s over on the East side is soon to close. Sure, there is another Stroud’s off Vivion but it doesn’t have half as much charm as the fire trap near Troost.

Long ago, Mayor Kay Barnes promised to help this city grow while preserving this town’s history and protecting its neighborhoods. Somehow, her campaign promise has turned into a master plan to move all of the darkies out of downtown and make things safe for white people to eat as much Chipotle as they please while living in 500k condo that overlooks all the Mexicans slaving at service jobs. I’ve seen the future of KC and it’s a pasty white condo dweller, listening to Weezer on a brand new Ipod and looking for love nightly on Match.com. This town is in desperate need of a crime wave against the newer downtown residents if only to thin out the herd of lovelorn hipsters with liberal arts degrees and energy efficient cars. I’ve heard that it’s hard to carry on witty banter while getting ass raped by a homeless guy.

Like the rest of the nation, KC is being turned into a giant strip mall where the consumer economy consists solely of shopping and eating at nationwide chain stores. I don’t know why the masses would brave a half an hour commute to eat at the same glorified Taco Bell that resides in the suburbs but I’m not an economist. What do I know about a wildly speculative market? Additionally, I don’t care if all of the real estate developers in this town go broke and end up naked in their bathrooms drunk and weeping as they desperately try to open a package of razor blades. Capitalism is a bitch goddess with a bad case of genital warts.

Awhile ago, I was at a local restaurant and an old lady was yelling at the waitress, “Change doesn’t always mean progress!” I smiled to myself and agreed as I took off with the old broad’s wallet and car keys while she was preoccupied. Clearly, that crazy, stupid, old bitch had a point.