Happy Holidays

The Sales Tax Holiday is this weekend. The holiday is intended to give local families a break as the “back to school” buying season approaches. However, I have some more ideas for discounts and freebies that will not only bolster the economy but also help out working stiffs:

• 25% off on strippers and escorts – Help Missouri’s single mothers help themselves to the cash of very lonely men.


• Every blind person gets a midget.


• Annulment Day – Making it easier for Catholics to move on the next mistake.


• Free drinks at Weight Watchers – Big girls need love too.


• Down Low Day – Your man is not sensitive, he’s gay. Down Low Day one day of the year he shouldn’t have to hide it.


• Slap a JoCo Housewife Day – They’ve been asking for it for a long time and most of them need it, want it and have been longing for it. I don’t know how it will stimulate the economy but it sure will make me feel better.


• Buy one get one free Astro-glide Day – Believe me, your next boyfriend won’t want to use a half-empty bottle.


• ½ off on your second trip to the emergency room in less than month. This discount will not only help out victims of spousal abuse but also may help local gangsters save up for new rims following a weekend of combat.