Eat Me

Every white person in the world is racist. Some of them respond to this in a positive fashion and futilely try to redeem themselves much like the members of Opus Dei who still (supposedly) practice self-flagellation. Others just roll with it. While the remaining hate mongers live in Independence, MO.

My most recent encounter with the racism of white folks occurred with a denial of service at the Minsky’s out by the airport this weekend.

I picked my family up from their vacation. They came back looking well rested, tried and very, very tan. They were hungry so we stopped by the nearest eatery. The second to we walked into the Northland pizza place, heads started to turn and we got a few looks from the NASCAR hat wearing set that pretty much indicated that we weren’t welcome. Still, we picked out a seat in the back and looked at our menus. The place wasn’t that crowded. The teenage waitress quickly informed us that any pizza order we’d make would take at least an hour. She looked us over once more, gave us the “I’m sorry look” and that very polite “please leave” stare. Good enough, we knew we weren’t wanted, the place was out in the sticks and none of us really needed all those carbs. There are no more signs nowadays, no loud confrontations, and no written policy. White people escape minorities by pretending to like Thai food, paying outrageous amounts for strange omelets, making sure that a place plays country music and moving so far out into the country that deer are more common than brown people.

I know it’s not nice to generalize. She could have been telling the truth, although I saw a different waitress taking an order from another table without giving them the “get out” spiel. She could have been swamped but I don’t know why somebody would want to turn away business and more tips. It didn’t bother me much, but it just confirms my suspicion that the suburbs serve as nothing more than an escape route from minorities. So what?! I wasn’t able to eat at a restaurant that smelled like pee. The episode was nothing compared to the suffering of victims of real racially charged incidents. In the end, it doesn’t bother me that much; now I know not to disturb feeding time in the suburban cage that most white people and a few minorities have created for themselves.

Every night so many folks in this city watch the evening news and play “I bet it was a black guy” before the mug shot is displayed. Or some of you might wonder how long it would take to deport the illegal alien taking your fast food order. I’m no better, I go out to the suburbs and I believe that I know the “real” reason why people live out there in the middle of nowhere, even if they don’t.