Cowtown Corral: News you probably won't use

• Birch bankruptcy means you'll probably have to find another place where you pretend to work.


• Two KCK men try to abduct codes officer. Fine ass Surae Chinn covers the reports the scary story with a gleam in her eye.


• Burning down the house: Local fire may have uncovered a dog fighting training facility. OR another reason to call your pooch a sissy.


• Man drowns in backyard pool. 3 feet of water proves deadly.


• Butler man goes Postal. Mail carriers not only have to worry about rabid mutts but also must look out for crazy ass people who think they're dogs.


• Skynyrd won't be at the State Fair. Luckily, hollering "play Free Bird" is still appropriate for almost any occasion in rural Missouri.


• Kids on Missouri school busses soon to get a crash course in the clarity of hindsight.


• He built this city: A decent local developer dies. However, current local developers don't have to worry about their fate because they're immortal creatures of the night who live off of TIFF money and fear . . . plundering one part of KC to the next and leaving strip malls in their wake.