Friday, February 02, 2018
SHAME!!! PITCH PUBLISHES PATHETIC FIRST ISSUE UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP AND STARTS SLAP FIGHT WITH SEMI-RETIRED FORMER KANSAS CITY STAR GOSSIP COLUMNIST HEARNE CHRISTOPHER!!!
At a measly 43-pages, the Pitch "magazine" is clearly clinging to life as a Kansas City "alternative" publication.
There's not much there . . . Mostly stock photography, restaurant reviews, a couple of hipsters profiles along with some music notes. There's one staff writer, one editor and most of the freelancers seem to have jumped ship.
New managing editor David Hudnall posts the only missive worth reading and it's more of a round-up of old news with an exceptionally limp headline:
Chill out about the Westport sidewalk vacation
Mr. Hudnall calls out Westport power player Bill Nigro for alleged racism and silly quotes about hip-hop. Since last Summer, that's familiar territory and something locals have debated to death months and years ago. However, Mr. Hudnall redeems himself with this saucy passage . . .
"Maybe those kinds of comments fly in a 1998 Hearne Christopher, Jr., gossip column, but in 2018, they land with a big ol’ thud."
The "chill out" column just turned into a flame war.
On cue, likely taking a break from trying to sell/wash luxury cars in the middle of a Kansas corn field . . . Hearne Christopher dusted off his Underwood and let loose a torrent of vaguely connected clauses in his monthly screed:
"Hearne: Pitch Cheap Shots Westport Businessman With Dated Quotes"
I'm not going to link Hearne's defunct blog because there's no evidence that anyone reads it besides Chuck & Craig Glazer. Full disclosure: I filed about a year's worth of posts for that P.O.S. about 5 years ago and the only benefit that came from it is that I'm pretty sure TKC drank the legendary Jardine's jazz club into oblivion. You're welcome.
But I digress . . .
This kind of trash talk beef happens daily among the plebs who waste their time on Facebook to entertain themselves amid their quiet lives of desperation but the dust up among former Kansas City movers & shakers merits some attention . . . Not just because the Westport nonsense story was shamed by this week's far more profession journalistic examination from Vox but because the local catty polemics offer a real life look at the fate of "Kansas City Stars" and famous Dead-Tree Media denizens in this digital epoch.
First a (mildly) hilarious look at the players . . .
From left to right . . .
Stephanie Carey - The hands-on new Pitch owner has been HORRIBLE in her interviews touting the magazine and basically seems to regard it as the latest part of her social life. She's not trying to keep her strategy secret, it's obvious that she doesn't really know what she's doing and the atrocious fluff of her first issue reveals as much.
David Hudnall - We'll be nice. He was obviously distracted while writing his half story and likely working far more diligently trying to punch up his resume.
Hearne Christopher - Still bothering Kansas City residents with two-hour phone calls from the aforementioned Kansas corn field luxury car parking lot.
Bill Nigro - Allegedly hates hip-hop which might not be that great of a sin and puts him in the same company as the Grammy's and music fans who cheer the ascendance of Burno Mars.
Again, silly quotes about the racial politics of midtown night life as Mr. Hudnall desperately clings to his late 30s by calling out Hearne Christopher as a relic is only half the fun.
On this Groundhog Day - What's important is that print media slap fighting is all the rage among NOBODY.
The day has finally come when the Pitch can't start an entertaining cat-fight among the easiest targets in all of Kansas City.
The irrelevance of this smallish kerfuffle contained in a few unread pages is the real story. The Internets, time and good taste is starting to close the door on the Pitch. Sadly, this smallish issue and petty disagreement on a tired topic is one of the last nails in the coffin of a formerly iconic publication.
Developing . . .