TKC EXCLUSIVE!!! AT THE ZERO HOUR, THE ONLY TKC READER WITH A CONSCIENCE DELAYED A DEVASTATING STORY AIMED AT KANSAS CITY CO-MAYORS!!!
No one can ever accuse me of not being a sporting chap.
Late last night via e-mail TKC received one of the most impassioned pleas to kill a story that I've ever read.
So for the moment I'm going to sit on a story that's already common knowledge in Kansas City political circles . . . Or at least I'm not going to spill the full details just yet. So, I'll tease it yet again (heh) so at least insiders will know what I'm referring to and maybe somebody else will have the guts to break it. Sometimes, my sense of decency gets in my way.
An argument was made to me that the subject of a TKC EXCLUSIVE was innocent.
I want to refute that right now.
Tara Squitiro Funkhouser has been "legal" (18+) throughout the Administration of Mayor Mark Funkhouser and she even volunteered as an intern before the City Council wisely enacted the Volunteer Ordinance to dissuade City Hall nepotism.
During that time . . .
THE ERECT WANG OF TARA'S BOYFRIEND (at the time) WAS USED AS A SCREEN SAVER AND LEFT ON OPEN DISPLAY IN THE MAYOR'S OFFICE!!!
We're not dealing with someone "innocent" here . . . Simply more of the privilege and entitlement mentality championed by The Funkhouser/Squitiro Administration.
Now for the teaser . . .
The TKC story delayed by a person I respect and want to offer a voice on this blog includes the following details . . .
The Mayor's Cabin.
A very weird ritual.
A tent.
And shocked people in Kansas City political circles that couldn't believe the Mayor would defend the behavior when questioned.
Again, this isn't even a recent event and the stories go back to before Mayor Funky's election.
Here's why the Mayor won't have anything to say on the the subject . . . BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY ASKED HIM ABOUT THE STORY!!!
As the incomparable Leonard Cohen once exclaimed . . . Everybody knows.
Who knows?
So this post is my response to the only TKC reader with a conscience.
My approach to the story was going to be simple . . . I was going to merely note a fact: This story is widely circulated in Kansas City political circles. I couldn't possibly confirm or deny the details . . . Because I wasn't inside the tent. But I can say that more than three people have confirmed the story is part of the darker side of Funkhouser folklore and has been a poignant topic of discussion.
So where do we go from here?
I could wait forever for the so-called MSM to break the story but I know they won't.
One day soon there could be a book containing this kind of talk . . . But when it comes to dead trees, I'm not much of a reader.
The tale might creep up in the comments but so does so many other unconfirmed and mostly incorrect details from anony sources.
What I can confirm is simple:
I've always thought that the Mayor's Iphone troubles along with his fine paid to the Missouri Ethics commission confirms that his administration is crooked.
And now it's not just implied stories of bathroom sex at the office reported by The Star which convince me the guy and his wife are also deviants along with an unhealthy obsession the pair seem to have with Gloria's feet.
So . . . The TKC solution:
THE CO-MAYORS SHOULD PROBABLY RESIGN AND SETTLE THE MAMMYGATE CASE IF THEY DON'T WANT THE TWISTED PERSONAL DETAILS OF THEIR SCREWED UP HOUSEHOLD TO COME TO LIGHT!!!
This actually works against my personal interest and would take away some of my funnier content but I think it might be best for Kansas City overall.
The Co-Mayors have sunk this town to new depths (which is really quite an accomplishment) and now they're taking on an increasing amount of collateral damage.
But because I have one reader with a conscience . . . I'm going to allow some other blog or media organization a small window of opportunity to break the nasty, disgusting and sordid story of twisted Funkhouser/Squitiro values.
What no one can disprove is that this story is out there, circulating in Kansas City political circles, some say that Mayor has even answered the story in the affirmative and made an insanely weak defense of actions under his purview.
In the final analysis, the whole point of this post is simply to offer a digital bookmark to the fact that stories of the depravity of the Co-Mayors abound and TKC isn't the only one who knows the score.
pussy
ReplyDeletewait a minute, I did hear people talk about some sort of ceremony celebrating the loss of Tara's virginity...is that it?
ReplyDelete"Tony Botello's credibility plane was shot down over the Internet. It spun in...there were no survivors."
ReplyDeleteThey do not have sex in the bathrooms. Gloria is afraid to be in small spaces alone so Funk has to watch her make dirty or conduct hygene rituals. He has done so since they were dating. He sometimes masturbates for her to watch to get her mind off the fact she is in a small space.
ReplyDeleteThis is not a joke.
They were stopped coming out of the bathroom together at Brookside Market by an off duty county sheriff who worked security there. They were questioned and they provided the explanation that I gave you above, which quickly spread among the grocery store staff.
wow; you've stepped down to extortion/blackmail.
ReplyDeleteexcellent journalism!
Tony said it was against his interests. That's not extortion Gloria.
ReplyDeletewhat kind of dickehead still calls it a wang.
ReplyDelete"Gloria is afraid to be in small spaces alone so Funk has to watch her make dirty or conduct hygene rituals. He has done so since they were dating. He sometimes masturbates for her to watch to get her mind off the fact she is in a small space."
ReplyDeleteOh my.
Thanks for the disturbing mental image of the bathroom poo and tug. I think Ill go bathe in bleach.
ReplyDeleteFucking weird.
ReplyDeleteTHE ERECT WANG OF TARA'S BOYFRIEND (at the time) WAS USED AS A SCREEN SAVER AND LEFT ON OPEN DISPLAY IN THE MAYOR'S OFFICE!!!
ReplyDeleteSounds like Tony is jealous his infant-like brown penis was on display and traded in for a black one!
Sounds like Tara's cooter needs to be bathed in bleach.
Why do so many boring people have a reality show when the funky family would be prime time weird.
ReplyDeleteThere is no justice.
Gloria might not be so afraid of small spaces if she weren't so big around. I am poking my eyes out over the wanking image though.
People who have phobias get treated and helped all the time by professionals. This seems like a lame dodge to me. I have a fear of heights but managed to get to the top of City Hall to give a group of 4th graders a tour...jeez, as a former boss used to say about persons failing to see their missteps, "Everyone is out of step, but Funky."(I actually added the Funky-should be 'Johnny')
ReplyDeleteI don't think most people in this town need any more details about that family to know that they are unusual. And from all indications the story is unrelated to the Mayor's official duties.
ReplyDeleteLeave it alone. Part of my dissatisfaction with the Mayor is that I already know too much about his personal life. I don't see how critics throwing additional strange details onto the bonfire will do anything but encourage the co-Mayors' boundary problems.
Please. Stop!
"enacted the Volunteer Ordinance to dissuade City Hall nepotism."
ReplyDeleteWhy would they try to dissuade something that is already illegal?
There is not a vertibrate among them! File a legal complaint alleging nepotism!
Can anyone imagine how different this would have been if Alvin Brooks was elected. He's a class act. Always well dressed, articulate, respectful of his wife and a uniter, not a divider. Plus he would have probably taken official business trips on a plane without his wife instead of the Funkhouser fools taking Amtrak for two weeks because of Gloria's phobias.
ReplyDeletePlease 7:32, Brooks attends funerals, and candlelight vigils. He doesn't unite anyone, he doesn't stop murder and he doesn't know anything about running a City. Apparently you think the only qualifications for Mayor is dressing nice.
ReplyDeleteThe Mayor's have had a consistent "fuck you" attitude towards Kansas City ever since they got elected - that's the only consistent thread about their leadership style I've been able to discern.
ReplyDeleteThey deserve everything they and their family get.
And we deserve to understand the depth of their mania, because it affects how they govern, and with the mammygate lawsuit we are suffering the financial consequences.
Tara has a pic of an erect dick on her PC screensaver at work at the city - I think we all deserve to know that, because it affects our pocketbooks.
When Gloria asks a city employee if they would like a little nine inches inside them, it affects the city.
Your damn fucking straight I want to know how twisted this family is so we can get them the hell out of a leadership position in this town.
It tangibly affects all of us.
but it isnt all true and this forum leaves no one accountable. I can say whatever half truth I want to anytime I want to and because you are hungry for pathos you believe it and pass it on with your own spin.
ReplyDeleteFuck Alvin Brooks! Kansas City is more than the ghetto urban core and all he represents. All of the money, power, and anything else that matters is up here in the Northland where it belongs. Stay down on your side of the river, and we'll make the dcisions from up here.
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Hang 'em high, who are you kidding? If you were an actual Northlander you would know that all of our money and power heads SOUTH. We pay 60% of the taxes for very little return in the form of services. True, our votes put people in office, but they seem to forget we're here once elected. Decisions we make are heeded by none save those running for election and SOME of our northland councilpersons. For example, those who extended the manager's contract . . . those who sent all of the northland stimulus dollars to Harvest Church . . . I could go on . . .
ReplyDeletei always thought what people did behind closed doors was there business. when berkley was mayor he would strip down in his office so whats the bitch about funk getting a little
ReplyDelete12:27-
ReplyDeleteYou are correct, I should clarify: What would they do without our money and votes? We killed that goofy-ass recall effort for damn sure.
It is sad in your correctness about those WE elect changing color once they are in office. Any suggestions?
a tent, candles and incense.Tara in the tent, but with whom? Not sure where the creepy parent(s) were. Said to be drinking wine on the cabin porch......
ReplyDeleteseveral nepotism complaints have been filed. Both Nixon and Koster passed. They refused to do their job, so the creepy mayors do a job on us.