Jeneé Osterheldt reminds us all that "Valentine's Day is just one day a year"
Which in turn reminds me that life is not fair because I know at least 15 more talented local bloggers who come up with more interesting prose on a regular basis while The Star's resident hipster broad turns in this kind of prattle consistently. Damn, baring the few instances in which she accidentally hints at her sex life . . . Osterheldt's stuff is usually not even as interesting as those silly columns they used to build "Sex in the City" episodes around during the early seasons when horse face Sarah Jessica Parker hoped that viewers wouldn't find her starring role the most boring aspect of the show. Just to reminisce a bit . . . An old Family Guy episode describes the program as "Three hookers and their mom" and I remember laughing my ass off when I heard that one because it summed up the premise perfectly. But I digress . . .
The point here is that this woman gets paid to turn out this stuff and I can't help but be a little jealous and envy at her sweetheart deal . . . I did not know that hoop earrings held such power over the world of print media but I'm thinking about wearing one at least so I can not only look like a pirate but also garner half as much good fortune for my lazy and misinformed writing.
I agree, she is so underwhelming, so boring, so lacking in the ability to turn a phrase or interest a reader that is is embarrasing when we have company that read the star during theri visit.
ReplyDeleteI've never agreed with anything more -- I had to stop reading her column long ago, because I appreciate decent writing, and hers brought me to tears (of sad, hysterical laughter).
ReplyDeleteYou're right about the young columnist. Her stuff is more suited to a college paper.
ReplyDeleteYou're also right about Ms. S. J. Parker being horse-faced. You may also be the first to say this in "print." Although possessed of a certain kinky sex appeal, I've never understood her making it on looks. If she were painted green she would make a damn fine stand-in for Margaret Hamilton as the iconic Wicked Witch of the West.
Yes, Valentines Day is just one day a year.
ReplyDeleteBut so is "Steak and Blow Job Day".
http://www.steakandbjday.com/
March 14th!!!
I hate Jenee with the fire of a thousand hot Arabian suns. She almost makes Paris Hilton sound like the president of Mensa.
ReplyDeleteShe makes me embarassed to be female.
Jenee is a good friend of mine and I, like, really resent people making fun of her writing talents because as far as I'm concerned, she's like the greatest writer in the United States and that list includes, like, really good writers like that guy who wrote Tom Sawyer and the lady who wrote that book about the three movie stars who got hooked on pills in the Valley of the Dolls. Jenee is a really good person who donates money to charities and stuff. And one night when I was really, like, totally depressed, she bought me a Cosmopolitan at PF Changs and it really cheered me up until I threw up and got red stuff all over my brand new skirt from Anthropologie. What I'm trying to say is you should stop being mean to really talented and nice people who are, like, my friends.
ReplyDelete^^All of the above including the blogger can fuck off. Jenee is my friend and she is a good writer. If Tony weren't such a fat loser who has clearly been rejected by the ladies for most of his life then maybe he wouldn't resent her so much. You're not on her level in any arena. With a pen or in general.
ReplyDeletePick on Bill Tammeus the Faith Matters columnist. Or any other columnist. Not every column is going to move every person to tears. I'm pretty sure you target Jenee because you know you could never be her peer, contemporary, friend, or paramour. So how about you and your lame ass blog friends have a big gay fuck fest and afterwards you go back to videotaping your mom. (all Oedipus references are appropriate)
You're so transparent. And disgusting. I feel sorry for you and your dry dick. I hope writing this trash gets you off.
Oh yeah Heather. I'm pretty sure your love of women and lack of a penis make you more ashamed to be a woman than anyone else. You, my Birkenstocked friend, are extremely transparent as well.
ReplyDeleteI hate Birkenstocks! And I hate Jenee's dumbed-down writing (it would be great for a teen girl magazine like Mademoiselle)and it's not because I really long to be her "friend." Who wants to be friends with Le Freak, C'est Chic. Tony wouldn't fuck that skank with Chuck Eddy's (little, very very little) dick.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the person who was defending my friend Jenee. She's really a wonderful person and, like, maybe the nicest person I've ever met in my life. That night that I threw up the red stuff, she went to the bar and got me some soda water to clean up the mess. I was like so embarrassed but she totally came to my rescue and didn't even get mad when she caught my looking through her purse. I was looking for gum, honestly, and I don't know how her wallet got into my purse. As for the missing cash, I'll bet some thief at Blonde took it because I've never stolen anything in my life except one lipstick at the cosmetic counter at Dillards. I mean who hasn't stolen one thing in their whole life? Well, I'll tell you who. Jenee. She's the most honest person I've ever known outside of my mom and my psychotherapist.
ReplyDelete