Town Topics: Get up, Stand up

ACLU Can't Find Plaintiffs Over Searches Near Wakarusa
- Stoners won't stand up for anything but microwave pizza.

Clay County Collector Criticized Over Expenses
- Crazy bitches incapable of keeping credit cards. Isn't that right Mayor Kay?

Shareholders Sue H&R Block's Board Of Directors

Driver Carjacked After Car Rear-Ended
- If there's no stopping crime on the intersection of Independence Avenue and Truman Road then I'm gonna either avoid the place or seriously consider not slowing down.

Police Say Federal Fugitive Database Is Needed
- Much more efficient than simply looking at every minority suspiciously.

Complete list of all the bands, artists and entertainers who received at least one nominating vote in the first round of voting for the Pitch Music Awards
- I'll save you some time, they all suck.

Plaintiffs: Kansas school funding plan comes up short
- Lawyers work hard to take money away from JoCo white guys as if they were in the middle of a divorce proceeding.

H&R Block CEO turns down bonus, raise
- Obviously, the guy is a hero to only rely on his golden parachute.

Thief Targets Blind Woman in Lawrence
- I'm assuming before the ugly college dudes could get to her.

Olathe City Leaders Considering Smoking Ban
- I have no idea how they will burn their crosses.

Thieves Target Businesses Near Police Station
- One stop shopping for dumbasses who apparently like jail.

Missouri will get $28M DSL upgrade
- Show-Me state will get a look at porn even faster.

Menopause the Musical at American Heartland Theatre
"The Hilarious Celebration of Women and The Change" - More laughs than Mayor Kay's second term.

CVS store to be built on old Osco spot in NKC
"The store's pharmacy has been operating out of a trailer in what used to be the parking lot and will remain open until the CVS store opens in November." Somehow that's oddly appropriate for a store where most of the scripts come from "hill folk" lying about their need for oxycontin.