This preview of the August primary documents the four Democrats competing for the chance to replace Charles Wheeler as Missouri's 10th District senator.
I've tried to spice up their resumes in the hope that any of these d-bags will actually inspire you to vote for something besides American Idol. Soul Patrol my ass.
Jolie "No" Justus "No Peace!"
Age: 35
Occupation: Director of pro bono work at Shook, Hardy and Bacon (i.e. - Lung Cancer Law Firm and Associates)
Previous elected office: None (but a young broad like this has probably held several other interesting positions)
Campaign point of emphasis: Access to health care, child-care subsidies, transportation and basic human rights . . . Also working hard to eliminate "No Fat Chicks" discrimination in personal ads.
Jason Klumb
Age: 37
Occupation: Assistant attorney general - (houseboy)
Previous elected office: Served in the House from 1993 through 1996
Campaign emphasis: Experience and ability to forge compromise in a Republican-dominated legislature . . . Able to bend over
Ingrid Burnett
Age: 53
Occupation: School counselor (Condom Dispenser)
Previous elected office: At-large member of the Kansas City school board since 2002 - No that's not my joke but still funny that someone would use that distinction as a resume highlight. It's pretty much a sign that she shouldn't be put in charge of anything more complex than a vacuum cleaner.
Campaign emphasis: Understanding of education issues and her ability to improve the perception of the Kansas City School District - L - O- FUCKING - L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd vote for this lady right now just because she's obviously good for some laughs and she has no grasp on reality with that kind of line. With this kind of senselessness I think the lady qualifies as the lesser evil only as long as Stalin is somewhere in the equation.
Mike Flaherty
Age: 39
Occupation: Restaurant and bar owner - Probable Poon Hound if he's anything like the restaurant and bar owners I know.
Previous political experience: None (Not entirely true, dealing with drunk people certainly takes some political acumen and avoiding drunk chicks with herpes who don't want to go home is definitely the hallmark of a man who can build consensus.)
Campaign emphasis: Would bring a small-business perspective to the Senate - I'm not sure if this refers to taking bribes or hiring Mexicans on the cheap . . . I'm in favor of both.
Pro Bono work?!?! There's no freakin' way I would vote for anyone who is for the lead singer of U2.
ReplyDeleteWow, is this the entire field? Current KC School Board member - is this a joke? Next please. A pro-life bartender - no thank you. And Klumb looks like he would give away the farm (from Bates County?!) to the Republicans.
ReplyDeleteSeems like Justus at least has a good name and is right on the issues.
Klumb's a career politicking schmuck. Burnett's a knob. Flaherty's a closeted Republican. Justus at least has some fire to her and sounds like she won't take shit from no man. About time someone like this borad gave the City the statewide huevos it deserves. Certainly the previous old, white men who held office didn't bring any cajones to the seat. Maybe it takes a woman to do so.
ReplyDeleteHas anyone checked out Klumb's voting record from when he held office before? I suggest you do. Pretty disappointing. No self-respecting democrat I know would cast a vote his way. Justus has got mine, for sure.
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