Make Believe

Fall in Kansas City is beautiful. KC hosts one outdoor festival after another during this time of year. The various white bread themes coupled with the slight chill in the air guarantee that few Black people show up, so the events are usually well attended.

Speaking of Black people and celebration . . . Did you know that a lot of Black people hate Halloween? They aren’t the only ones. Evangelical Christians, Jehovah’s Witnesses and a few other undesirables also scorn the holiday. I’m a Chicano and I come from a death culture that revels in morbid icons and images, so this anti-Halloween perspective is always hard for me to understand. When I ask for explanations, I usually hear about the abhorrence of witchcraft and the paranormal. Reliably, somebody mentions the devil.

Maybe. If all of those little white kids begging for candy in their safe neighborhoods actually were worshiping the devil it wouldn’t surprise me. What I don’t like is people pretending to be anything other than what they really are . . . let me explain:

During the Halloween season, I’ve noticed so many young women dressing up like some version of a whore.

As Halloween approaches, take a look and you’ll see angel whores, devil whores, fairy princess whores, sexy waitress whores, a few nurse whores (which is ironic because if you mess with them you will need a shot of penicillin) and all kinds of sexy costumes that serve only as an excuse for young, ignorant broads to pretend that they aren’t, in fact, whores in real life.

I’ll tell you a quick story: I knew this guy who went to a Halloween costume party. He brings home a gorilla of a woman dressed in a Cinderella outfit. She was 250 pounds if she was an ounce. All night he searched for the wet spot and pounded her like a professional boxer working a heavy bag. It was disgusting. She was a screamer and even her voice sounded fat as she yelped through the night like she was asking for seconds.

Unlike Cinderella or a massage from an Asian woman, this story doesn’t have a happy ending. The “date” was over, the toilet was filled with used condoms and the sun was rising. As they get their shit together she says, “Are you gonna call me?” He replies, “Sorry Cinderella, it’s past midnight. I don’t think so.” She storms out the door leaving a trail of mascara and sparkly shit that women put in their hair when the get whored out. She also leaves her tiara behind. I know this story because a few weeks later and he gave the tiara to his cousin as a belated birthday gift for the guy’s daughter.

Maybe Black people are right about their distaste for the holiday. All of these sluts running around begging for everyone to look at them are actually much scarier than any Hitchcock movie. Additionally, a woman pretending to be a whore really isn’t pretending.