Saturday, April 22, 2017

TKC BREAKING AND EXCLUSIVE NEWS!!! KANSAS CITY STARBUCKS UNICORN FAPPUCCINO CONSPIRACY REVEALED!!! MIDTOWN BARISTAS REFUSE TO MAKE POPULAR DRINK OUT OF DISGUST!!!



The Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino is one of the most celebrated drinks in the recent history for the corporate coffee company but the success is meeting with a backlash among beleaguered Kansas City baristas who have now refused to make the drink and instead have resorted to deceiving customers about a lack of supply.

That's right . .

MIDTOWN KANSAS CITY STARBUCKS BARISTAS HAVE ALL CONSPIRED AGAINST THEIR EMPLOYER AND DECEPTIVELY REPORT THAT THEY'RE OUT OF SUPPLIES TO MAKE THE SPRINGTIME SENSATION DRINK!!!

Feel free to fact check TKC's work and give the nice baristas at Main st., 39th St. Downtown and the Plaza a ring . . . Ask them pointed questions during their busy Saturday night and be prepared for the litany of inventive curses that liberal arts college grads can devise.

Fact is, they're probably doing their customers a favor given the high calorie per-diabetic recipe.

Still, the deception is obvious and just a bit inspiring to see workers take their fate into their own hands whist mercilessly mocking the many adults seeking the beverage in not-so-secret fashion.

Confirmed by at least three barista friends, here's a descriptive off-record quote that was just a bit nicer than the typical barista freak out.

"Not. Going. To. Do. It. I won't be a part of the Unicorn $h*t they're shoveling. I make thousands of drinks every day and do it gladly with a smile on my face. But I refuse to be turned into an unwitting soda jockey in a process that takes up to five minutes for every damn one and backs up the line by a half an hour. NO. They didn't plan the roll out well at all. They lied to us and then they expect us to pick up the slack without adding on extra help. So no, you're not getting your Unicorn $h*t at a location that serves more than 10,000 people every day. None of the stores in KC are serving them and here's the secret: All of the managers are on board with us because I've seen two people quit over the past week thanks to this garbage. Starbucks is not supposed to be McDonald's. Go order a milkshake. I shouldn't be expected to deal with ADULTS who are chasing around ice cream and keep my guests who just want a quick cup of coffee waiting all day. Face it, if you order this Unicorn $h*t. You are nothing but an a$$hole."

Again, we invite journalists from across the metro to duplicate our research on Saturday night as of this writing. Go both a busy a barista and see how excited they are to talk . . .

Check the links. Happy hunting.

NY Post: Starbucks' unicorn drink is pushing adults to the edge of insanity

Reuters: Starbucks' Unicorn Frappuccino sparks backlash from baristas

Investors Biz Daily: Starbucks Breaks Out To 1-Year High As 'Unicorn' Tastes Like Victory

Developing . . .

28 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Good for them!

I've seen in person how rushed and frazzled the KC crowds can get. Starbucks never properly staffs their locations and this just another slap in the face to workers who aren't getting support for their company.

They need to tell corporate about the problems instead of giving into media hysteria. Bravo!

chuck said...

I don't get it. This would be a perfect time to have a discussion about "Race" while they wait.

Come on people, think outside of the coffee cup.

Anonymous said...

I guess we can't have anything nice in Kansas City.

If the local coffee shops were smart, they would develop an alternative recipe so that we could support our KC based business. But instead we just get more surly baristas who are mad at everyone else for their lot in life.

JimBrodi said...

I can confirm what Tony said about KCMO out of Unicorn. Don't believe their "supply" complaints for a second. But I will say this, got one with a smile at my Leawood location. This is why so many people leave Kansas City. The service and business climate sucks. Johnson County is just much nicer.

Anonymous said...

Only gay wads go to Starbucks anyway..who cares

Anonymous said...

LOLZ on Chuck's reference to the "conversation about race"

Anonymous said...

Yawn. Zzzzzzz

Anonymous said...

You're an unfunny idiot Tony

Anonymous said...

Wow!
Taking a gutsy moral stand about making aUnicorn Frappuccino!
Where do these millenial barristas find the courage?
It's going to be a long hard life for this 20-something.
Shake it off and go ride the streetcar for a couple hours.

Anonymous said...

What the hell is in that shit ? It looks like a bunch of HOMOSEXUALLY ABOUNDS LIBERAL BITCH Smurfs crapped out in a cup ¡!

Anonymous said...

A lonely Kansas City night for all the lonely KC people. So sad, so very sad. Try something else off the menu or go to a better local coffee place. You can do it~!!!

butt hurt snow flake local hipster douche bag said...

^^^ Don't be a bitch, this is some funny shiz. Its a KC frap strike! I guess KC is a modern city after all.

Anonymous said...

What the hell is in that shit ? Replace it with a bunch of PATRIOTISM ABOUNDS LIBERAL BITCH-SLAPPING black coffee strained through a well-worn USMC sock into a cup ¡!

Anonymous said...

Eric Grieten smokes pole.

Anonymous said...

Made my piss turn purple and gave me purple diarrhea that NIGHT !¡ Ouch !¡

Anonymous said...

Starbucks is at 45th and Main, Tony.

Anonymous said...

Eric Prince pole while John Ashcroft Jack's off watching.

Anonymous said...

Fuck you people need something to whine about.I've never heard a bigger pack of puss hairs in my life.someone told me to check this blog out,told me I'd either dig it or hate the fuck out of it.he was right this is the whining goddamn pack of goofy misfits I've come across online ever.I've lived in kc my whole life and never heard of this damn place.you people all sound like you need to get layer then get some kind of professional help.are there any men commenters here.I can't tell,if so ,what a bunch of sissy ass fucks

Later freakshow

Anonymous said...

Lick me right winger and you can watch.

Anonymous said...

Has the whole world gone crazy. Gov Grieten can suck Eric Prince Prince dick while John Ashcroft watches and Skypes to his Twitter fans.

JazzBo said...

^^^ Got a link on that? Would really like to see. It would make my Saturday night so much better than just drinking all this haterade from KCMO starbucks bitches.

Anonymous said...

I'd let grieten shit in my mouth,oh and he is into scat- play.Matt blunt told me they crap on each other all the time

Anonymous said...

Wow , you democraps are kinda weird , liberalism is truly a mental disorder ¡

Anonymous said...

I plead the Goldwater rule on this one. No one can diagnose a mental disorder without giving a clinical examination first.

Anonymous said...

Are these some of the same cunts that want 15.00 bucks an hour? If they are corporate owned stores they will make them! That I promise! Private owned stores will also. Think United has had bad press?

Anonymous said...

Who goes to Starbucks ?

Rose Gold KC said...

I want my $15 an hour.

Syck meh.

Anonymous said...

"Kill all the negroes" would be how my conversation begins.