Sunday, July 27, 2014

DEAD TREE MEDIA RESURRECTION!!! CHECK THE TOP 5 CAREER OPPORTUNITIES AFTER LEAVING THE KANSAS CITY STAR!!!



Like it or not our blog community was the FIRST to note the departure of Kansas City Star Editorial Board Prez Miriam Pepper . . .

And now . . .

TKC EXCLUSIVE!!! WE'VE GOT FIRST WORD THE YET ANOTHER FIRING SPREE IS ON ITS WAY TO OUR BELEAGUERED KANSAS CITY DEAD TREE MEDIA INSTITUTION!!!

It's gonna be brutal . . .

- We hear Yael has taken yet another pay cut.

- How much longer can Helling take on???


- We still expect Hoopz to STAY WINNING.


But rather than gloat like some pampered, rich kid child . . . Our working-class Latino roots inspire us to be helpful.

Accordingly . . .

TONIGHT CHECK THE TOP 5 CAREER OPPORTUNITIES AFTER LEAVING THE KANSAS CITY STAR!!!

Let's make this quick and dirty and pretend that word processing and command of grammar still qualify as marketable job skillz.

Here we go:

5. Blogging

The digital revolution might pave the way for a newsie Renaissance, that is until these hard-nosed reporters get glassy-eyed about the reality of CPC advertising rates and/or how Dead Tree Media dominance rarely translates to online success.

4. PR

This is the preferred path . . . Smart newsies sign up for lucrative PR gigs before they make a departure and spend their Golden Years sending out finely crafted pressers that nobody reads.

3. Suicide

NOT REALLY AN OPTION AT ALL but it's worth noting that by far the most notable "second act" for a former Kansas City Star newsie has been a postmortem TREASURE HUNT IN JOHNSON COUNTY that made national news.

2. Political Consulting

None of them have made this work but combine this with #5 makes a nice chunk of change that's better than greeting @ Walmart.

1. UMKC and/or some similar Kansas City civic institution

Working for The Star has always been a nice conversation starter and civic groups LOVE the pretense of respectability that comes with expensive furniture and a few former newsies hanging around. For those who still have a few suits in the closet . . . This route is much preferred to Jackson County employment which is soul crushing at every level.

Now, we hope we've helped former Kansas City Star newsies and we'd like to remind any of those reading that we have a 499.95 special on blogging lessons for those with right attitude.

Developing . . .

8 Comments:

Anonymous said...

You bastid.

Anonymous said...

Fuck Yael.

Anonymous said...

OUCH!

Jean'ae'nae said...

Hey Guys!!!

Be sure to check out my column this week on Pharrell and mojitos!!

Anonymous said...

Tell them to stay away from UMKC. We have enough Journalism retards from there an MU. You should have listed permanent retirement as an option.

Meester you wanna fuck ma seeester???? said...

Mary Sanchez - Tijuana donkey sex act show!

The Donkey Defense League said...

12:51 AM - That would be cruelty to animals.

Anonymous said...

#3 Suicide ??

Oooohhhhh!!! That one stung!

It is amazing how rapidly the Falling Star has shed weight recently, both in employees and in substance found on it's pages.

TKC ends up becoming the news source for the metro!!