Summer St. Claire and her lingerie hotness starts this Kansas City Saturday morning . . .
- Even More Kansas City Airport Inconvenience: The TSA is proposing extra security measures for airports around the country, which could mean more agents at KCI.
- Show-Me Road To Higher Cost Of Living: Transportation sales tax being considered
- Good Call After Local Neglect: Commissioner recommends that toddler found wandering stays in state custody
- Kansas City Abuse Aftermath: Father arrested after school officials notify police of marks on young boy
- Lesson In Sports Winning And University Priorities: KU reports record $93 million in athletic revenue, $13 million surplus for 2013 fiscal year . . . Missouri reports athletic surplus for first time since 2009 fiscal year
- Kansas City Flying Shopping Mall Scheme: Would more stores help KCI? Airport is shopping for solutions
- Nilson Goes Stays Winning: KC businessman wins SBA's Missouri Small Business Person of the Year
- TOLD YOU SO . . . Royals flush: Six reasons why it will be Kansas City's year
- Midtown Kansas City Sweetness: Smallcakes A Cupcakery opens on 39th Street
- Jeneé Osterheldt Journalism: On the Country Club Plaza: Those Easter bunnies look like rabid rabbits
And this is the OPEN THREAD to start the weekend . . .
Tony you are on a roll. More outstanding talent. Two days in a row.
ReplyDeleteWill TKC be reporting on the Douche Brawl 1 today ?
ReplyDeleteSo if I read the Star articles right, the three big local universities are generating many millions of dollars in "surplus" ... profit, in other words ... with their athletic programs during most recent years.
ReplyDeleteBut it sounds like all that profit goes into bigger and better athletic programs and facilities. Is that right?
Public universities are strapped for money these days. Shouldn't a big portion of that athletics profit go into non-athletic university programs? WTF???
This is Howard Cowasill reporting from “Douche Brawl 1” at Woodside, Kansas City, Missouri. The weather today is clear, 50 degrees, and a perfect day for an asshole rumble of epic proportions.
ReplyDeleteThe combatants today are Craig “King of Turds” Glazer and Bob “Murman” Thurman versus the duo of “Buttplug Guy and his Friend”.
The crowd is overflowing. Every known douche bag in KC is here. Alonzo Washington, Jermaine Reed, Cindy Circo, Hearne Christopher, Yael Abracadabra, Mayor Sly, Revs Tindall, Cleaver, and Bishop Finn representing the Catholics. Also in the crowd is the Kartdashians, Chelsea Handler, JJ Walker, Hugh Hefner, several local crack whores, a group of cheesy looking chics from WyCo who claim to be the Glazer fan club. The Polar Bear is sitting with Cum Guy and Bulk Email Guy drinking 45’s and smoking the biggest Cheeba joint ever. They are totally fucked up.
The music is blaring the theme from Rocky. Wait, here comes Butt Plug Guy and Friend. They are dressed in overhauls and work boots with baseball caps turned backwards. I assume that is to appease the hoodrats in the crowd. Looks like Butt Plug Guys “Friend” is a Platte County farm boy. He stands about 6’6” and goes 285. This boy is bad looking with tattoos and he looks like he is straight off the farm. The crowd is in a frenzy in anticipation of this showdown.
And here comes “the King of Turds and Murman Thurman. They are wearing robes and the look totally overmatched. They are now taking off their robes……OMG….they are dressed in “matching thongs”. The crowd is roaring with laughter and hurling insults at these two obvious clowns. “the King” is sporting a fake tan with a rodent rug that looks to be attached with velcro. Murman Thurman is wearing a Kung Fu headband that is obviously cutting off the circulation to his head. His head is swollen, looking much like a cantaloupe.
ReplyDeleteThe referee for this event is Claude Kahooka, the foremost douche bag fighting official in the world today. And now lets go up to ring announcer Michael Buffer for the introductions.
Ladies, Ho’s and gentlemen, introducing in the red corner from nearby, Weighing in at a rotund 256 lbs on a 5’6” frame, the King of Turds, Craig the Know-it-All Glazer. And his teammate, Weighing in at a trim weight of 136 lbs and standing 5’5”’s tall, Bob “ from Bad Santa, Murman” Thurman.
In the blue corner from TKC, Platte County and parts unknown, Weighing in at 183 lbs and standing 6’9”s tall, Buttplug Guy. And his teammate also from Platte County, Standing 6’6” tall and weighing in at a trim 285 lbs, Friend.
“Let’s Get Ready to Rumble”…….
The King of Turds looking rather perplexed is pushed to the center of the ring by Murman Thurman. From the other corner out comes Buttplug Guy with a giant smirk on his face. The King is going into a modified Ali shuffle…it actually looks more like Fred Sanford having a heart attack. Buttplug Guy is laughing. Ding Ding Ding.
The King moving to his left slowly, looking like his arms are already tired, throws a wild haymaker at Buttplug Guy. That missed by a mile. Buttplug Guy is walking straight toward the King. Buttplug guy unleashes a kick to the King of Turds nuts. The King is bent over in the center of the ring. Buttplug Guy is winding up with an uppercut and just knocked the King of Turds up on the top rope. The King is out cold. Wait, now Murman Thurman tried to jump in the ring and is tangled up in the ropes. Friend has tagged in and is approaching Murman Thurman. Oh no…he has grabbed Murman by the thong and has him in a wedgie. Murman is screaming in pain. His head looks as if it will explode. Now Friend is pulling Murman’s thong off. OMG…Murman Thurman is hung like a field mouse. The crowd is laughing so hard many are pissing themselves. Friend just grabbed Murman and is giving him a nuggie. Murman has tapped out. Wait, Friend is not thru. He is now holding Murman’s head against his ass and just blew a fart that knocked Murman Thurman completely out. The fart was devastating as it singed the hair of several ho’s sitting at ringside. Folks this Battle of Douche Bags is over. Time of the fight, 39 seconds of the first round. Both the King of Turds and Murman Thurman are being carried out of the ring, and toward JJ Walkers limo.
And the winner, Buttplug Guy and Friend.
Reporting live from Woodside, this is Howard Cowasil, now let’s send it back to Sportscenter
Did Glazer spit or swallow at Woodside, today anybody know ?
ReplyDeleteThat model is wearing a thong that looks like what Glazer and Thurmon wore yesterday when they got chilled by Buttplug dude.
ReplyDelete