It's not even close to crunch time for last minute Christmas shopping in Kansas City.
One year, I'm pretty sure that I made all my x-mas purchases @ the neighborhood gas station in less than 10 minutes. This year we've actually got a bit of time to plan given the treacherous streets and because I don't want to look at Kansas City ice photos posted on social media or get bummed out by idiots robbing thrift stores.
To wit . . .
CHECK OUT THE EPIC X-MAS LIST OF CRAPPY GIFTS FOR KANSAS CITY CELEBS!!!
Proving that even po'folk can celebrate the birthday of baby Jesus with the Kansas City civic elite.
Check our quick and dirty list:
City Council Dude Russ Johnson: Gently used copy of "How To Win Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
Kansas City Dead Tree Media Dude Yael Abouhalkah - Nose Hair Trimmer
Mayor Pro Tem And 5th District At-Large Council Lady Cindy Circo - Gift Certificate To SuperCuts
3rd District At-Large Council Lady Melba Curls - Post-It Reminder Notes
Former Parks Board Dude John Fierro Planning A Council Run - Turtle Wax
Union Station Honcho George Guastello - Oven Mitts For Playing Hot Potato
Mayor Sly James - Prank Spinning Bow Tie
Power Broker Jason Grill - Skele-Toes
Rapper Tech N9ne - The Christmas Music Of Johnny Mathis
Weather Hottie Erin Little - Family Size Bag Of Honey BBQ Cheetos Puffs Just For Her.
Please feel free to suggest your own gifts that'll probably be more mean-spirited than anything else and not cheeky and fun.
And so, that's my shopping list and this intense X-mas planning has inspired tonight's Kansas City playlist for dangerous local streets.
As always, thanks for reading this week and have a safe and fun Saturday Night.
Dood. I actually think Sly already has a spinning bow tie. How else do you think he CUT taxes this year. Sorry TKC.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff.
ReplyDeleteWhere is that asshole Superdud at? You can get him a copy of writng for dummies.
ReplyDeleteSho nuff!!!!
DeleteHe a triflin foo!
He is at the crowded malls groping the little kids with Uncle Ed
ReplyDeleteYou left off Van Loh. http://www.target.com/p/sonix-city-airport-playset/-/A-14068366
ReplyDeleteFor Glazer, the book: Borderline Personality Disorder For Dummies
ReplyDeleteBy: Charles H. Elliott, Laura L. Smith
For Paul Wilson, the book; Healing the Angry Brain - How Understanding the Way Your Brain Works Can Help You Control Anger and Aggression
ReplyDeleteBy: Ronald Potter-Efron, MSW, PhD
Glazer and Hearne need the book: Win Friends and Influence People
ReplyDeleteFor Tony: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Finishing Your Basement
ReplyDeletebyDan Ramsey, Chris Eliopoulos (Illustrator), Dave Schrock (Foreword by)
For the Chiefs
ReplyDeleteThe Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Football Like A Pro
@9:51 FTW!
ReplyDeleteFor mark Alford. And scott Parks -
ReplyDeleteJob's, in a different town
For Kansas City, a new Mayor.
ReplyDeleteJackson county prosecutors, some balls and a spine, enough to file charges on the arrowhead killing.
ReplyDeleteWilson broad, a new singing voice.
ReplyDeleteWilson guy, the the hope to keep pushing on, after such personal tragedy.
ReplyDeleteFor George Guestello, since he has no "balls" hanging, a box of oversized tampons. Being that big a "cunt" calls for oversize "pons".
ReplyDeleteFor Christa Dubill, a gift certificate to Jenny Craig and 2 tons of hay.
For Tony, best wishes for a great 2014 and our thanks for allowing us to post stupid ass comments on a blog instead of pulling our hair out in frustration with all the stupidity going on around Cowtown. Oh, and a new pair of kneepads. Tony has spent so much time on his knees sucking off KJ, Alonzo, Glazer, and several other bottom feeders than his kneepads are worn out. The cheap ones from Home Depot will do.
7:47 wrote the first two paragraphs and I finished it off with wishes to Tony while 7:47 wiped his ass as he shat himself laughing at his own Crista Dubill comment.
ReplyDeleteZzzzzz
ReplyDeleteFor Tony - One free Brazilian face wax.
ReplyDeleteAoooHooooHoooooo!!!!!! AoooHooooHooooo!!!!!! fuck you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAin't that a bitch
ReplyDeleteYou're watching
a show on fox 4
And all the sudden you are fucking assaulted with shit like that!! ,from that group of idiots.
Just the goofiest
Bunch of fuckin
People!!!!!
For Councilman Michael Brooks, a car he can afford the lease payments on, and some saltpeter to calm his urges.
ReplyDeletea condom for Fierro's penis head!
ReplyDeleteA dictionary that emphasizes the word "oxymoronic" for anyone who characterizes the self-important bozos in KCMO government as "celebrities".
ReplyDeleteI want to buy Jan's potato salad!
ReplyDelete