KANSAS CITY'S OWN CRAIG GLAZER CHRONICLES HIS LAS VEGAS ADVENTURE!!!
TKC NOTE: Tonight we have a VERY SPECIAL update from our pal Kansas City media impresario Craig Glazer revealing all the sexy detail of his recent trip to Vegas . . .
Viva Las Vegas:Oh Brother
I returned from Vegas late last night. Wish I could report that I had a great time. Let’s break it down.
The women. Clever me, I decided to bring two hotties in from San Diego over several days. I scheduled Jessie to fly in Friday and leave Sunday morning. I scheduled Gina to fly in Sunday afternoon until Wednesday morning. The good news is the airfare was super cheap. Now for the bad news, in a flurry of e-mails between me and cheaptickets.com over a final price and flight times, I got confused about whose ticket was who’s and which ticket was which. Both were under my name, and I thought the first went to Jessie and the second went to Gina. Turns out, I was wrong on both counts. The two girls wanted copies of their flight itinerary which I was only too happy to e-mail to them. Unfortunately, in my confusion, I sent each the other’s flight info. To make it simple, Gina got Jessie’s and Jessie got Gina’s. Dumbass me. You can only imagine the yelling and screaming on the phone that followed. Both ladies said they refused to come because I was a jerk. Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to… Gina did come in Sunday to stay with another male friend in order to get ‘even’ with me. However, she did find a few hours to come visit me at Caesar’s Palace. The kind of good news is they both would have wanted to see shows, go to dance clubs, have expensive meals, do a little shopping and of course lose whatever money I gave them at the slots, because that’s what girls do. Then they both would have bugged the hell out of me pissed that I was watching football Saturday, Sunday and Monday night. Girls hate that. So, in conclusion, it diminished my sexual activity but saved me a couple of grand in expenses overall.
I should have taken all this as an omen that things were not going to go well. Stupid me. The last four seasons I’ve gone four and oh on my big bet making each trip a pretty fun experience. Not this time. I was fortunate enough to find the lowest point spread on-line at MGM, not Caesar’s. Not only that, I decided to play it safe and do the Vegas 7 point tease, which is the max. You must pick two teams, both teams have to win for you to win, or on rare occasion both teams will tie, or one will tie and this results in a ‘push’; in other words it’s a neutral bet, neither side wins and you get your money back. I had New England over Buffalo and The Colts over Oakland. At MGM, New England was a 9 point favorite and the Colts were a ten point favorite. By teasing the 7 which paid less, I was able to get New England -2 and the Colts -3. It seemed like a lock, sure thing bet. It wasn’t. Though both my teams looked to be overpowering early in the game and had large leads, they both made enough mistakes to actually be trailing late in the game. Oh brother. Lucky for me, Andrew Luck personally ran the ball into the end zone at the end of the game and the Colts won by four, so I won that one. Unfortunately, superstar quarterback Tom Brady was not as brave as Mister Luck. Though New England played way better than the Bills, the Patriots turned the ball over nine million times in the Red Zone. With just under nine minutes to play, Brady had the Patriots out just a few yards from the Bills end zone. He could have walked the ball in like Luck did which would have given them a six point win and covered my bets. At the last minute Brady decided to throw it into the end zone and missed the throw. New England won by 2 which is a tie for me , so I won no money. Yes, I made a small bet on the Chiefs over the Jags, not enough to matter. I had a second chance on Monday Night Football, taking the Houston Texans -5 over the lowly San Diego Chargers. The Texans made one of the biggest comebacks on Monday Night Football, down 21-7. Late in the game they tied it, 28-28. The Texans repeated what Brady had done, had a chance to score a touchdown and win, missed it and later kicked a field goal to win by three, which didn’t cover the point spread so I lost that bet. It wasn’t as big as the earlier bet, but big enough. Yes, I was pissed.
Viva Las Vegas: You certainly can’t tell the economy is weak visiting the entertainment capital of the World, Las Vegas. Though I stayed at Caesar’s Palace, usually a place for the over 35 crowd, there were tons of young attractive girls everywhere. My buddy stayed at the Rio and it was jammed as well. This time, even Sunday and Monday were packed. Strange. It seems that it’s busier now that Vegas is doing strong marketing were Europe and South America. It seemed like over half the people from my hotel were from Europe, which is kind of cool. They are quieter and behave better. Asians also make up a large percentage of visitors. There were far less people from LA and Phoenix, which over the past decade have been the crux of the visitors to LA.
I know you are wondering about the hookers. In the lesser hotels, they are everywhere. At the high end places like Caesar’s, Bellagio, and The Cosmopolitan; among others, there are far fewer of them, but the ones you see are far better dressed and more attractive. They are clearly approved by the Hotel, because the ones that aren’t get walked out by security, I had occasion to see this happen. Possibly more appealing are the tons of bachelorette parties with hot young drunk girls running all over the place looking to have a young fun drunk weekend if you know what I mean.
What’s new in Vegas? With rare exception, the headliners at the hotels are comedians like Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Maher. Something I hadn’t seen before, Blackjack tables in the pool at places like Caesar’s. The dealers wear small bikinis and there are ATM machines ten feet away just in case you didn’t bring money down to the pool. Believe it or not, the betting minimum is still ten and twenty-five dollars, even in the water. Lastly, for the first time in years, there was almost no construction going on for new Hotels, they are finally taking a break.
If you remember my story last time, I got to the airport fifty five minutes before my flight and me and my bag were not let on because in Vegas, you and your bag must be checked in an hour prior to your flight as opposed to the half hour that is required at other airports. I was put on standby, had to fly all night, it was horrible. This time I got to the airport two hours early, went through security and made sure my suitcase was on the flight nearly two hours prior to take off. I rechecked in at my gate a 10:30 am for an 11:24 departure. I had plenty of time to kill, bought a magazine, went to Starbucks, even had time to go to the bathroom before leaving. I went back to the gate at 11:10, only to see my flight backing away from the terminal. ‘Oh,’ I yelled at the lady behind the counter, ‘what the hell is going on? Isn’t this an 11:20 flight?’ The lady told me didn’t you know the Vegas rule, flights leave fifteen minutes before the scheduled time. I said that was total BS, she of course called security, they did get me out on an early afternoon flight to KC through Houston. I still don’t have my suitcase which was on the other flight. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. Viva Las Vegas!