KANSAS CITY IS CURSED!!!

I've lived here all of my life. Anyone who has any "history" in Kansas City knows this town has a certain vibe.

There's something peculiar about Kansas City and its people that nobody mentions . . . Like someone breaking wind in a crowded elevator at work or a girlfriend putting on 20lbs. I don't know if it comes from living in the middle of the most powerful nation on the planet or because this was once a spot where the Natives roamed freely before (white) people nearly erased them from history prior to the word genocide being invented.

Still, there's no denying that Kansas City's "character" has a crazy, racist, unreliable, mediocre, corrupt and uncaring vibe to it . . . Very much like a troubled spirit or a working class white broad with a mild to serious drug habit.

Here are some examples to prove my point:



An exhibit featuring dead Chinese people is soon to come to town. There have been some very serious doubts that all of these dead Chinese folks featured in funny poses have given their consent to be involved in the disturbing display . . . And most likely the dead Chinese fetuses which are going to be shown in the Union Station side show didn't sign any papers. Strangely, eerily TKC was one of the few people to raise any concerns about the ethical implications of this show while the rest of the ghouls in the KC area have mistaken a carnival act for science which only further displays the ghastly kind of people in the area and their lack of concern for anyone who doesn't fit their demographic. Really, if Kansas City is cursed than this nearly blasphemous body exhibit will only make things worse . . . I've read that Chinese people are pretty particular about the treatment of the dead and there's always ensuing trouble when traditions are broken if old Charlie Chan movies have informed me correctly.



The Latinos around Kansas City are pissed off as of late. Like the Chinese, these are very superstitious people and making them angry regularly brings curses and bad juju of all sorts. Sure, there's a tendency to ignore the spiritual aspect of our daily lives . . . But I know better. I once walked through my great grandmother's house with dirty shoes and she promised me that I would live in a basement until I was 40 despite my best efforts for the affront to her home. Since that time I dare not cross angry Latinas. I try and pay them the proper amount of respect.



Let's not forget that most of this City ignores almost each and every murder on the Eastside. A lot of the victims are young, Black men . . . The circumstances of their deaths are often troubling. The prospect of so many lives taken violently, before their time and in anger certainly could give way to a few lost souls lingering about Kansas City and haunting this town while we do our best to ignore the specter of so much carnage in KC's minority communities.

(Editor's note: All right enough already with the magical, mystical people of color angle.)



On a somewhat brighter note, the delusion of light rail in Kansas City has brought out one weirdo after the next with insane plans that almost have to be from the great beyond. The pie in the sky designs don't make any sense and people who see through the efforts (that often come from folks who don't even live in KC Proper) pray that they don't awake to a nightmare in which these dolts are taken seriously.



Every sports fan in Kansas City knows that this town's teams have been cursed since the frightful Christmas evening in 1971 when Jan Stenerud missed a game-winning field goal with only 35 seconds left on the clock in what will always be the longest game in NFL History. This was the last Chiefs team that was truly competitive. The heartbreaking loss crushed the spirit of the Chiefs and now ALL of KC's teams are DOOMED to mediocrity with occasional lapses of brilliance that only serve to remind us how much they all suck.



Finally, the ghost of Boss Tom is still at play in Kansas City politics. He laughs at the foolish efforts of every reformer and grins while almost every high powered Kansas City administration falls into the lingering system of corruption that he perfected. Boss Tom's spell cast Kansas City into an endless cycle of gerrymandered districts drawn upon racial and class lines, political committees that mostly serve to control constituencies rather than represent them and the very fact that our most important elections take place in the coldest part of the year when even fewer people bother to make it out to the polls is proof of his presence.

Sure, modern science, our high tech world and most legitimate organized religions tell us that curses and ghouls aren't real but it's hard to find another excuse for a town with so much potential remaining mired in apathy, mediocrity, palpable racial tension and mindlessly chasing one pipe dream after the next for oh so many years. The possibility certainly exists that otherworldly forces are at play . . . Or maybe expecting greatness from a Cowtown is losing proposition.