Crimes you probably can't get away with in Kansas City

Because my mom was always trying to save the world, when I was a kid I often got stuck in workshops, camps and youth groups with the scum of the earth. While she saw the need to save these people, the side effect was that I had to hang around them, admire their misspelled tattoos, wince at stories of prison rape and snicker when they tried to read aloud. It was there that I learned a fundamental truth: Crooks are stupid. This fact was confirmed when I later dated an Italian broad and had to endure her friends and family who were "friends of ours" but often referred to me as a wetback when I wasn't around; so I never considered them that friendly.

Anyway, my two favorite crimes have made the news as of late and I'm always surprised to see that local dumbasses think they can steal an ATM and get away with it or drop bricks over an overpass without somebody eventually discovering them. Stereotypically or typically (whatever your point of view) these crimes are often (almost always) committed by white guys and unsupervised Black kids respectively and they are rarely successful over the long run. And while I know that crime pays, I've also known that you have to have some a certain level of intelligence to make it do so. So the fact that so many dumbasses are out there to "Get rich or die tryin'" doesn't really upset me given that every strata of our social order is ruled by competition. While some may struggle to make a dime and a nickel selling illicit substances to the terminally bored, others find a niche market and cater to a nation of people with an unhealthy dependence.