In the aftermath of a threeway

Unfortunately, I have no experience with group sex. This is probably a good thing. This week the Marsha Spicer Murder/Snuff Film story has illustrated the dangers of overloading a sex sandwich. Still, now that Richard D. Davis and Dena D. Riley are in police custody engaging in a threeway is a little bit safer aside from the usual hazards of herpes and leopard skin rugs.

Additionally, the couple's surrender also included the recovery of a 5 year-old girl who was recently reported kidnapped but I have no fucking clue what that's about . . . All I know is that it's just more evidence that things get freaky when you start bumping uglies with strangers.

And it's not that I'm a conservative person who believes that sex is a sacred act. Remember, I'm Catholic so I believe that sex is filthy, disgusting and an expression of my wickedness . . . Very much like a bowel movement.

But I will say that I've never gone down the road of group sex, not because of religion or morals, but because I know that getting that freaky with two or more partners opens up possibilities for all kinds of deviant behavior. For instance, mustaches were never cool but they are sported by guys who have group sex because of the infamous "mustache ride" and because fashion becomes less important when you are elbows deep in some guy's wife while your partner is being ridden harder than Barbaro at the Preakness. Also, I don't have a million dollars so hooking up a threeway with two skanks who are strangers is out of the question and having a threeway with your girlfriend is just a bad idea. A threeway with a girlfriend only reveals that you're dating a complete whore and most guys have to actually marry a woman and go off to war or engage in a trial separation to find that out.

Back to my point: Once you are down for group sex then you're down for anything.

Davis and Riley lived out their snuff film fantasies and allegedly murdered some poor woman while making a movie (John Landis eat your heart out) but let's not forget that the Manson Family started out as a sex cult and ended up participating in one of History's All-Time Greatest Etherings along with Sharon Tate.

Obviously, sex can make you do crazy things . . . I once told a broad I was going to marry her.

Thankfully, my fear of germs and gold chains has kept me away from deviant sexual practices (for the most part) along with the support of my girlfriend. She thinks it's a sign that this country is full of freaks when I tell her how many people have searched this blog for info on anything having to do with the Marsha Spicer murder. Also, she tells me that some fantasies are better left unexplored. According to her, involving some hot broad in our relationship who could not only fulfill both of our sexual needs but also could remain emotionally available, leave the toilet seat down, enjoy the nuanced performances in Six Feet Under and not purport that hugging is only for homosexuals . . . Well, including that kind of person in our sex life may not be in my best interest.